To Forge Forever
by My Writing Is This
Summary: Just when one fight ended, another began. Having found each other, our family was whole again. I had Eric back and we were free to be together and happy. But the war was far from over. Breaking free of it all, we were still on the path of discovery, pain, and loss. Holding on to the little happiness we could find and the hope for a better future. A forever with the man I loved.
1. The Fight Is Not Over

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from Allegiant is not mine. Pen and all original characters you do not recognize do belong to me. This Disclaimer is true for this chapter and all that follow!**

 **A/N: WELCOME TO THE THIRD AND FINAL INSTALLMENT OF MY OWN DIVERGENT TRILOGY! I can't believe that it's already here! It'll be bittersweet and yet I'm still EXTREMELY excited to see the story continue and to see what you all think of it! But I must refrain for just a moment while we reiterate a few things that are pretty much the same that you've read before. It goes as follows:**

 **\- This is a mash-up of both the books and the movie, following the books a little more closely, with some of the movie changes thrown in. Hopefully it'll flow so you hardly notice it. This story more than the others is very much book based. Since the movie basically, well, if you watched it you know.  
\- Picture Eric as Jai since you can't have a good Divergent FF without him!  
\- The timeframe of this is a little skewed. I went with more the movie timeline. Ages were changed for the film and I went with Eric and Four being 24 to work my OC in better. So don't be alarmed!  
\- This story is rated M for a reason! If language, nudity, sex, abuse, or anything similar offends you than do not read past this point. There is plenty of all of it so if you can't handle it than don't read it. I will not be offended.**

 **BE PREPARED AND YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! That's your warning so keep it in mind as the story progresses.**

 **And just because I appreciate you all so much, I want to give a HUGE THANK YOU to all who read To Be Brave and To Stay Strong and to all those who will continue their journey with me in To Forge Forever!**

 **Let me know what you think and I will be updating weekly so you'll never have to wait very long! Still on Tuesday's!**

 **Okay, I think that's it. READ, REVIEW, but most of all ENJOY!**

 **Now then, with much love, let's get this story started right now!**

 **HAPPY READING!**

* * *

 **Chapter One: The Fight Is Not Over**

Life had not ended up where I had thought it would.

I never would have thought my life would have ended up like this.

Everything that had happened had been unexpected. From falling in love with Eric, to nearly dying in Erudite, only to take it and to have the city taken over by my non-blood brother's mother. Yeah, things definitely hadn't ended up the way I – or anyone else – thought it would.

Even now, I was in the once place I never expected to be. As soon as Evelyn had taken over, the loyal Dauntless were given a place to stay and free reign throughout Erudite. The city was officially in lockdown and those Evelyn had deemed as traitors were rotting in cells on the third floor. They were being treated more like guests but were still being kept in the dark on what Evelyn's plan was. No one knew what that was. Though it was pretty obvious that she had other plans then just putting them on trial. Something told me that the traitors wouldn't last long in the new world that Evelyn planned on creating.

Pacing the office, the metal desk looked dangerous, remembering the woman who once sat behind it. The window overlooking the city showing smoke in the air. The glass walls added a sense of freedom but I felt anything but free. Taking in the walls lined with full bookshelves, I imagined what it was like to be from Erudite. How different my life would have been if I'd picked them instead of Dauntless. Laughing at myself, I shook my head. I still wouldn't have it any other way. I loved Dauntless. I loved being Dauntless. I loved being Divergent. And if I had never been either of those things, than I never would have met Eric. And above everything, I loved Eric. Eric. The man I loved who I had been forcefully separated from, put into this fancy office, and now I was waiting for something to happen.

Pausing, seeing movement through the glass, Evelyn smiled as she unlocked the door and let herself in. I had been waiting for nearly two hours, wondering what the hell I was doing and why the hell they felt the need to lock me in. Something I hoped she would clear up for me, but form the look on her face she wasn't going to give me anything.

"What am I doing here?" I frowned at her.

"Pen." She smiled.

"Evelyn." I said putting my hands on top of the desk, the scabs on my right slightly cracking. "What am I doing here?"

"I need your help."

Frowning, I tried to figure out where she was going with this. "Why?"

"Because I trust you." She smiled.

"Why the _fuck_ would you trust me?!" I bellowed at her. "I am not the one you should be trusting!"

"Why not?" She asked sitting down.

"What do you mean why not? What the hell are you up to?"

She pretended to mess around with some of the papers on the desk. "Everything is untouched."

"What did you think I was going to do? Did you leave me alone this long just to see what I'd touch? Evelyn! What do you want?!"

"For starters, I'd like you to sit down." She said motioning to the chair across from her.

"What? No." I said crossing my arms, starting to pace again.

She watched me for a few long minutes, a small smile on her lips that was making me far too anxious. "Please, Pen. Sit down."

Staring at her, I sighed, sitting down. "There, I'm sitting. Now tell me what you want."

"I want you to be my second in command."

For a moment I just looked at her, then I burst with laughter. My stomach and sides ached with the force of my laughter. All the while, that smile remained on her face. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I finally managed. "Evelyn, I wouldn't be your second if my life depended on it."

"What about Eric's?"

All humor drained from me and my eyes quickly darted to the pen on the desk, feeling the chair beneath me, assessing everything that could be used as a weapon. "Are you threatening him?"

"No." She replied quickly. "I am not threatening him. But none of us are out of the woods yet."

"He's safe and he will remain safe." I told her. "And I'll never work with you."

"Why not?"

"Because I have no allegiance to you."

"What about to my son?"

Eyeing her, I was starting to see where she was going with this. "Me working with you would do nothing for yours and your son's relationship."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She smiled.

Leaning forward, my elbows on my knees, I gently rubbed my hand. Pain was starting to set in, making the scabs itchy and my mood for being here only decline. Keeping her eyes, I couldn't help but smile as I saw a flicker of anxiousness. "My relationship with Tobias is ours and has nothing to do with you. I will not speak for you and if – for whatever reason – I work with you that would still have nothing to do with my relationship with him. It would have to do with me and what I believe, and right now, nothing you're offering has sparked one sliver of interest in me." She just looked at me. "Can I do anything else for you?"

"No."

"Then I'd like to return to my boyfriend." I said and stood, making my way to the door.

"He acted against me."

I froze, my hand on the handle, slowly turning my head toward her. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"He acted against me after the fight was over. He attempted to keep his weapon and use it against those who had clearly taken over."

"You're reaching." I shot at her, turning toward her. "And if you remember correctly, I did too. You will not manipulate me into working for you."

"You were defending Eric." She stated. "And I'm not trying to manipulate you."

"Bullshit." I shot at her.

"He's unpredictable."

"Evelyn."

"He's dangerous."

Letting go of the handle, I narrowed my eyes at her, "I'm dangerous." She simply stood there with that fucking smile on her face. "What did you do?"

"I had him arrested." She stated nonchalantly.

"Where is he?" I asked her through clenched teeth.

"In a cell." She smiled as if she were about to win something.

Crossing my arms, I squared my shoulders as I faced her. "Evelyn, I swear to god if you hurt him or make either of our lives hell, I will come after you."

"I'm shaking in my boots." She replied un-phased.

Narrowing my eyes at her, I took two steps toward her, "If you think you know me, I'd think again. And I'd definitely not seem as cocky as you do right now. Especially if you're thinking about threatening Eric."

"I know." She nodded, her smile falling just slightly.

"So what is your endgame here?" I asked. "Because all you're getting right now is a reason to look over your shoulder."

Her smile disappeared and she tilted her chin up, watching me closely. "Something tells me you could kill me with the few things in this office. And with all the training and experience in the med area, I'm guessing you could do it quickly and efficiently." I motioned my hand toward her, agreeing. "I'm not threatening Eric, Pen." She finally added. "You'll be escorted to his cell and he will be set free."

"So what was the point of arresting him?" I frowned.

"I wanted to see you react."

"And?"

"You were more than satisfactory."

I was itching to ask her what the hell that meant, but part of me felt like that's what she was waiting for. Instead I just laughed lightly, nodding, "And you still want me to on your team?"

She smiled again, "Yes, I do. And not because you're close to my son."

"Have fun, Evelyn." I told her going to the door.

"Let me know when you change your mind, Pen."

Laughing, I sarcastically saluted her and was out the door. Weaving through the shelves, I quickly left the library, Edward falling in step next to me with a shit grin on his face. Raising my brow, he nodded and led the way toward the cells, both of us stepping over the broken glass and holes in the walls. Erudite had definitely looked better. It was not nearly as pristine as they usually liked to keep it.

Moving down the last hallway, Four fell in step with us. "Hey." I told him.

"Opie." He said and pressed a kiss against my temple as he pulled me again him.

Turning to Edward, I raised a brow at him, "We can take it from here." He raised his hands, still smiling as he walked backward and out of sight. "Tobias." I said gripping his wrist and stopping him.

"What's wrong?" He frowned, glancing down the hall, anxious to get to Tris.

Crossing my arms, I waited for him to meet my eyes, "Your mother just tried to recruit me."

Now I had his attention. "For what?"

"For her second in command."

"What about Edward?" He frowned.

"I don't know." I said shaking my head. "But she had Eric arrested to see what I would do."

"That's why you're here." He nodded. "To get him out."

"He's being released. It was a ploy. What about Tris?"

His jaw tightened and he looked toward where she was being held. "You heard her."

"Do you really think she'll put her on trial?"

"Yes." He nodded. "And I told her I was coming here to end things with Tris."

"What?" I frowned.

"I'm already taking too long." He told me sounding annoyed.

Nodding, I wrapped my arm around his neck. "I love you, Tobias. After this is over we need to reconnect. I don't like the distance between us."

"Me neither." He hugged me tightly, momentarily burying his face in my neck. "Love you too." He told me, letting me go with a smile on his face.

Watching him walk away, I did not envy him. He had it worse than me and Eric. Tris was labeled a traitor and if Evelyn got her way, Tris wasn't long for this world. As soon as he was inside her cell, I moved to the other that had a guard in front of it, nodding for them to open it. Eric had been pacing, turning toward the door as soon as it was open.

"Pen." He said and swiftly took me into his arms.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pressed my face into it, my hand wrapped around his head with my other across his shoulders. "Are you okay?"

"Me? What about you?" He countered, pulling me away from him, taking my head in his hands.

Laughing lightly, I shook my head, kissing him deeply. "You're pacing in a cell and you're more concerned about me."

"I'm safe in a cell. I don't know what's going on outside of it." He frowned at me.

Smiling, I kissed him again, running my finger from one side of his face to the other, his five o'clock shadow scratching against it. "Have I told you that I love you yet today?"

He was smiling now, "Maybe. Either way you can tell me again."

"I love you, Eric." I whispered, kissing him passionately.

"Pen." He said with seriousness. "You're my favorite." Grinning, I kissed him slowly, slipping my tongue into his mouth. "Maybe we should keep the cell."

Laughing, I nodded at him, "That might be a good idea." He smiled and kissed me again. "I love your look right now too."

"I love you, woman." He said with his lips against mine.

"Pen." Four's voice interrupted us. "Let's go."

Eric sighed, letting me go, but kept my hand as we left the cell. Following Four, we went to the room that Evelyn had given to him, watching as he paced back and forth. All the rooms we were given looked the same. Four, along with Eric and I, had been given rooms on the outside of the building, giving us a wall of windows that overlooked the city. They were simpler than the apartments in Dauntless. A glorified cell. Something Evelyn had efficiently put us into when she locked down the city. It was shocking that she didn't have bathroom passes for us at this point. No one made a move without her knowing it. We were lucky she hadn't sent a few of her people to see why the three of us were meeting right now. Though we were all sporting the empty circle on our arms. Evelyn's symbol. The city was doomed. Though we had the luxury of still having our own bathroom but it was still half the space. Our cells full of a shit ton of books and writing material.

There was a small table with two chairs and I swiftly took a seat, momentarily rubbing my face in my hands. Eric took the other, moving his chair closer to mine, his hand moving to my thigh as he watched Four's pacing. He seemed anxious. Not that I blamed him. He was arrested for no reason in particular and now Four was looking like he was about ready to kill someone. Some plan was about to be put into motion and right now Four held all the cards. Looking at Eric with furrowed brows, he nodded, looking back at Four.

"Tobias." Eric said firmly but kindly.

Four stopped and looked at him. "She's going to kill Tris." He stated.

"No, she's not." Eric said standing and stepping toward him. "We won't let her." Four nodded at him, his hands on his hips. "We've been down this road before, Tobias. We've gotten her out of worse."

"Hold on." I frowned, standing. "The road you're talking about nearly left us both for dead. Tris nearly died as well."

"Exactly." Eric said.

"Exactly?" I frowned at him. "Seems to me that it's a good reason to not jump in without a better plan."

"We have a plan." Four told me.

"And are you going to share it?" I shot at him.

He looked at Eric, before taking a slow deep breath. "Tris will be put under the serum first and will push through it, lying to everyone to exonerate both Christina and Cara, along with herself."

"That's your plan?" I frowned at him, feeling anger start to boil. "Are you out of your _fucking_ mind?!" I yelled at him. "How is that a plan!?"

"Opie, just calm down." Four told me gently.

Shaking my head, it was my turn to start pacing. Running my fingers through my hair, I tried to calm myself down. Eric put his hands on my arms but I shrugged out of his touch, glaring up at him. He nodded and took a step back, looking at Four who shoved his hands in his pockets.

"A million things could go wrong." I shot at Four. "What if she can't do it?"

"She can." Four replied with certainty.

"You don't know that." I replied harshly. "You have no idea how hard it is to push through that shit."

"I've been put under the serum too. I know what it's like."

I scoffed, "Did you try and fight it?"

He glanced at Eric before meeting my eyes, "No."

"Then you don't know. It's extremely difficult and it hurts like hell." I shot at him. "Not only that, but if she fails then we're all going to have a part in Evelyn's wrath."

"Not you." Eric replied.

"What?" I frowned at him.

"You don't know enough to be punished."

"And Evelyn is trying to recruit her." Four stated.

Eric looked at him before his head jerked toward me, "When were you going to tell me?"

"It just happened." I shot at him. Sighing, I ran my fingers between my brows. "I'm not going to do it." I told him calmly. "And this isn't about me. It's about a faulty plan that you two have once again concocted. One that could lead to a lot of trouble."

"It won't, Opie. I promise you." Four said trying to reassure me.

"Don't make promises you can't keep." I shot back at him.

"Baby, it's going to be fine." Eric told me as I continued to pace. "This is far easier than what we've faced in the past."

"That doesn't mean you should do it." I glared at him. "And you're just going to jump onboard with this, aren't you?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

Laughing, I shook my head, "And you're just going to let him." I stated looking at Four.

"We make a good team." He stated.

"You've worked together once and Eric nearly died!" I yelled at him. "I don't trust your plans."

"What about me?" Eric frowned, making me stop my pacing. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do." I replied before he'd finished asking me.

"Then what's the problem?" He asked gently.

"The problem is that I love you more than anything and if you do anything that puts you at risk I will – and you will never – I will tie you to the bed – so help me god…" I rambled before trailing off. He was smirking at me now. Unable to suppress my own, I forced a frown on my face. "I hate you both."

"I know you do, baby." Eric smiled, his hands finding my waist.

"I really hate you." I told him but my resolve was already broken.

"I know you do, baby." He repeated before kissing me.

Wrapping my arm around his neck, I pressed myself against him, "God I love you."

"Hey!" Four yelled. "Not in front of me please."

Feeling a blush rise in my cheeks, I leaned against Eric, his arms moving around me as we looked at our brother. "Sorry."

"Okay, so the plan is simple. It's the plan B that we need if it goes wrong."

"Okay." Eric said going to the table again. "Let's plan it out."

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 **And there you have chapter one! It feels good to post again! =)  
Let me know what you think! But you know me, I do not run on reviews. I just appreciate them more than I'll ever say or admit to! Again, I love them like presents on Christmas morning. And I love Christmas. ; )**


	2. Exoneration

**Chapter Two: Exoneration**

Throwing my clothes into the corner of the bathroom, I turned the water on, stepping under the stream before it was even warm. For a few long moments goosebumps covered every inch of my skin. A shiver ran through me but I didn't let it show. Just standing there, drenching my hair under the stream, I took a long deep breath, attempting to calm myself down. It wasn't a few minutes more when Eric appeared, stripping and attempted to get into the shower with me. Putting my hand against his chest, I shoved him back, slamming the shower door back into place.

"Pen, why do you always act like this?" He shot at me through the door. Sliding it open, I punched him across the cheekbone. It was just hard enough to make my point without having to use words. He laughed and gently touched his cheek. "Wow. Way to use your words, babe."

"You're an asshole." I told him, crouching down against the wall.

"No, I'm not." He added, crouching down against the wall across from me.

The door to the shower was partially open, just enough so I could see most of him. I wanted to shut it, feeling awfully emotional in this moment, but at the same time I wanted to be able to see him. "Why have you decided to keep putting yourself in dangers way for Tris?" I asked him softly.

"Nothing is going to go wrong."

"And yet plan B may lead to all of us being shot to death." I frowned at him, tears welling in my eyes. "Why can't we just try and have a little bit of a normal life."

"What part of what's happening will allow for a normal life?" He shot back at me with a heavy frown. "What about our world is normal? What is normal, Pen?"

"Going to sleep with you and waking up to you." I told him, seeing his expression soften. "Training like we used to. Finding a job and purpose amongst our faction. Laughing at the little things and arguing about things that don't matter. Having sex and lounging naked in each other's arms." For a long moment we just looked at each other. "That's normal to me."

"Nothing is going to go wrong." He told me again.

"A life with you is all I'm asking for. Why can't you just step down and let Four take care of his own shit?"

"Because he's family."

Laughing, I shook my head, "Since when?"

"Five years." He replied.

"Yeah, that's how long he's been my family. When did he become family for you?" I replied, my tone short.

"The day I fell in love with you." He replied gently.

It was my turn for a softened expression. "So are you doing this for him or for me?"

"I'd like to think I'm doing it for all of us." He replied. "I want his trust and his respect. The more I help him the more I will earn both of those."

"And how is it for me?" I frowned. "Because all I seem to be getting out of it is worrying for the love of my life, the brother I've always wanted, and the sister-in-law that drives me crazy. I hate to sound narcissistic but what is this plan doing for me?"

He smirked and shook his head, "Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing here."

"Ha!" I exclaimed. "You and me both."

Staring at each other, a real smile crossed his face, "I do love you, Pen. Even when you're pissing me off."

"I'm not very happy with you right now either. Makes me second guess things that both of us have done. Decisions that have been made." I told him with a serious expression. His smile faltered and he lowered his eyes. "But I'm not lying or over exaggerating when I say that you're the love of my life." He met my eyes again. "You drive me crazy. I get that you're still making amends. I get that you want Four's trust. I get why you're doing everything that you are, I just –" I said and stopped, shaking my head as I looked away from him.

"Pen." He said softly.

Meeting his eyes again, a tear slid down my cheek. "I remember in vivid detail the second you died." I told him softly. "And I don't want to ever have to relive it or feel anything like it again."

He sighed and got up, letting himself into the shower. It was barely big enough for us to sit side by side, our knees bent and leaning against each other. He was still across from me, his eyes meeting mine. Shaking my head again, he put his hand against my calf. Leaning forward, I took his hand in mine.

"I know I'm playing Amity, but I can't help it. I remember you not breathing. I remember your heart not beating. I remember you being confirmed dead by more than just me. I saw you. I held you. So when you and Four come up with another plan that could end in disaster, you can't blame me for getting a little emotional."

"No, I can't." He told me gently. "I'm sorry, baby."

"It's not just that, Eric." I frowned at him. "It's your lack of partnership when you make these decisions."

He frowned, "Me and Four have been working out all the kinks together and we –" He sighed and nodded at me. "I've made them all without you."

Nodding, feeling tears again, I attempted to hide them. "You're the most important thing to me, Eric. It kills me when you make these decisions without me when I'm standing right there."

"I know." He said softly.

"So why do you keep doing it?" I frowned. "Why, Eric? Do you enjoy making me regurgitate all my emotions for you?"

His brows furrowed, "Not when you put it like that."

Laughing lightly, my anger toward him was faltering. Seeing it, he pulled me into his lap, his arms wrapping around me. Sighing, I put my hand against his face, my other arm around his shoulder. He put his forehead against mine.

"I'm going to be so mad at you if you get yourself killed. If there is even one scratch on you, someone's head will roll."

He laughed and kissed me softly. "And vice versa. You know I won't let anything happen to you."

"I know." I replied softly.

"We're not going to need plan B." He stated matter-of-factly.

Sighing again, I kissed him passionately, my tongue slipping into his mouth. "I love you."

"I love you."

Showering, we got dressed in silence. Things still felt a little tense between us and I didn't know what to do to make it better. Watching him, he seemed to be content with everything. In his mind everything had been talked through and we were good. And we were. But it still didn't make everything go away. I was still worried and I was still pissed that he was making these decisions without me. That he didn't seem to care that something might happen to him.

"You promised me." I told him, feeling the need to remind him.

"What?" He replied with slightly furrowed brows.

For a long moment I held his eyes. "After you got me out of Erudite. You promised me that you would be more careful."

He sighed and nodded at me. "I remember."

"Good." I nodded, expecting a little more from him but I wasn't going to push it.

Turning to the door, Tris was going to be put on trial any minute. I wanted to be at Four's side when it happened. Just in case he needed me. Just in case she needed me. I'd only managed to open it a few inches before Eric's hand appeared, pushing it shut again.

"Why are you reminding me of that?" He asked.

Looking up at him, I sighed, "Because you haven't been very careful."

He sighed, putting an arm on either side of me. I could feel his chest against my back. Turning, his head was bowed and he was taking slow steady breaths. Bringing my hands to the sides of his head, I pressed a kiss into his hair.

"I know." He finally said pushing himself away from the door. "But I can handle it."

Smiling, I wrapped my arms around myself, "Then I guess the roles have been reversed. You're now stronger than me."

"No." He said shaking his head. "And if I am it's your fault."

"How sweet of you." I smirked at him.

He laughed lightly and nodded. "I might be on a bit of a high with this whole doing good thing."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Before you I never had anyone in my corner." He replied. "Jeanine and Max weren't exactly nurturing. Neither was anyone else I ever had to deal with. You did your job or you faced the music. So having you and Four and Claude and everyone backing me up it's…different. And a bit of a rush."

Nodding, trying to understand, I stepped up to him, taking his hand in mine. "I think I get it." I told him. "And I can understand why you want to risk yourself now. Just don't take it too far. Not so far that I'll be forced to have to say goodbye to you."

"There's been a lot of this talk lately." He nodded.

"There have been a lot of close calls lately." I retorted sounding more annoyed than I intended to.

He sighed and nodded. "I know, baby. I just wish we could move past it. I don't want you worrying all the time."

"Me neither." I nodded. "And I've tried to stop. I've tried to just trust you and let you do whatever you want. But it's hard. And I worry."

"I know." He said taking my head in his hands. "I love that you worry about me. I love that I have someone worrying about me. I love that I've found someone who I in turn can worry for. This whole thing is still new to me. We haven't had a lot of time to figure everything out. I'm still getting used to it. But I love you, Penelope Farrier. And we're gonna have our ups and downs. Things aren't going to work out." He said and paused. "All I know is that we work. You and me. We'll have to work at it every day but I'm willing to put the work in if you are."

"Of course I am, baby." I said gently gripping his forearms. "I'm yours and I will always be yours. I'm not going anywhere, Eric."

"Neither am I." He replied and kissed me deeply.

In the next moment I was against the door, his lips against mine as his hands gripped my head, his tongue parting my lips. Gripping his sides, I pulled him tightly against me. Running my hands up his back, I gripped his shoulder blades, his lips leaving me breathless.

"I love you." I whispered to him.

"I know." He smirked and kissed me again.

Knocking on the door interrupted us. "Knock it off and let's go." Claude scolded.

Laughing, I wrapped my arm around his neck, kissing him deeply. "She'll break down the door if we don't leave."

His lips found my neck, whispering to me, "Let her try."

"Eric!" Claude yelled as she pounded on the door.

Laughing louder, I turned to the door, opening it to see Claude's glare. "Hello." I grinned at her.

"Tris is going to be on trial any minute and you think that having sex during that time is okay?"

"Sorry, Mom. We were just looking for a little fun." Eric smirked at her.

"Get moving." She said pointing at him.

He put his arm around me, his lips finding my hair as we followed her down the hall. When we reached the conference room where the trials had been taking place, we let ourselves inside; Tris was already starting to talk. Finding Four in the shadows behind his mother, we joined him. Eric beat me to him, putting his hand on his shoulder, whispering something I couldn't hear. It was pretty unbelievable how close they had become. They truly had bonded. It sucked that it was over the rescuing of their women, but it was still nice to see. Even more so when I watched Four accept his comfort, smiling and nodding in response. Then Eric crossed his hands in front of him, standing just behind Four's shoulder. The leader becoming the guardian.

Smiling, I wanted to take him then and there. My love for him seeming to grow. Expanding toward him like an invisible force.

"Pay attention." Claude told me, sounding annoyed.

"Sorry." I replied, turning my attention toward a very disgruntled Tris.

"I think you're all idiots." She said with annoyance. Her hands were curled in her lap and she looked so uncomfortable. I felt sorry for her. "You should be thanking me, not questioning me."

Evelyn officially looked pissed off. She had no love in her heart for the woman her son is in love with. "We should thank you for defying the instructions of your faction leaders? Thank you for trying to prevent one of your faction leaders from killing Jeanine Matthews? You behaved like a traitor." Her words are dripping with venom.

Watching Four, he hadn't looked at Tris once yet. Only now his eyes shift to hers, telling her that it was time. I wasn't sure exactly what she was supposed to say, but the beading sweat is already telling me that she's fighting the truth serum. It's not nearly as easy as it looks. I'd never tried – not really – and I hoped I never had to. The small amount I'd tried was painful enough for me to know that her insides were going to be screaming, every nerve ending would be on fire.

I knew I was right as I watched her. She was hiding the pain of it but I could tell it was hurting. I wanted to move to her and just put my hand on her shoulder to let her know that she's not alone. That we are here for her. All she has to do is fight for a little while longer. Or maybe that was part of her ploy and it was actually a lot simpler. Frowning, I was thinking too much about it when she started talking again.

"I am not a traitor." She told us. "At the time I believed that Marcus was working under Dauntless-factionless orders. Since I couldn't join the fight as a soldier, I was happy to help with something else."

"Why couldn't you be a soldier?" Evelyn asked her.

There's a florescent light behind her that must be skewing her to Tris, since it looked like she couldn't focus on her. And she shouldn't. She needed to focus on the serum and sounding as honest as possible. Something I knew was hard for her on a good day. I couldn't imagine what was going through her mind now.

"Because." She replied and stopped, biting her lip. Focus. "Because I couldn't hold a gun, okay? Not after shooting . . . him. My friend Will. I couldn't hold a gun without panicking."

To an extent, it is the truth. She might be about to lie but that part was a piece of the truth. Though from the look on Evelyn's face, she suspects something. She was ready to crucify Tris. And she wouldn't bat an eye doing it.

"So Marcus told you he was working under my orders, and even knowing what you do about his rather tense relationship with both the Dauntless and the factionless, you believed him?" She asked. I hated to admit that she had a point. Which made Tris's lie that much more noticeable.

"Yes."

"I can see why you didn't choose Erudite." Evelyn laughed.

She's pushing Tris's buttons. As well as many others in the room. The woman before us has trapped us all, controlling us by armed factionless patrolling the streets. She knows that whoever holds the guns holds the power. And with Jeanine out of the way and Tori under her thumb, that left it all for her.

"Why didn't you tell anyone about this?" Evelyn asked.

"I didn't want to have to admit to any weakness, and I didn't want Four to know I was working with his father. I knew he wouldn't like it." She pauses, fighting the serum. "I brought you the truth about our city and the reason we are in it. If you aren't thanking me for it, you should at least do something about it instead of sitting here on this mess you made, pretending it's a throne!"

"She needs to stop." I whispered to Claude.

She nodded. "I get the plan but she better watch herself. All she's doing is putting a target on her back."

I nodded, watching as Evelyn's smile twisted into disgust. She leaned closer to Tris's face. "I am doing something about it. I am making a new world." She replied.

Then her voice lowered to the point where only Tris could hear her. Tris smiled a little at her, unable to help herself. I don't know what Evelyn told her, but I didn't think it was anything good. Feeling anxious, I didn't have to look at Eric for both of us to reach out for each other. He sensed my anxiety, responding to me without a seconds pause. Taking a deep breath, I laced my fingers with his, my hand finding his bicep.

Evelyn straightened, folding her arms. "The truth serum has revealed that while you may be a fool, you are no traitor. This interrogation is over. You may leave."

"What about my friends?" Tris asked. "Christina, Cara. They didn't do anything wrong either."

"We will deal with them soon." Evelyn replied.

Tris stood and Uriah was kind enough to grip her arm, leading her from the room. Eric put his arm around me, pressing his lips against my ear. "See? No plan B."

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I buried my face in his neck. "You're lucky."

"Pen." Evelyn's voice interrupted us.

I was starting to hate the sound of her voice. Shutting my eyes, Eric pressed a kiss against my forehead. "What?" I asked still gripping him.

"May I have a word?" She replied.

Putting my arm around Eric, I turned to her, "What do you want?"

She smiled, looking at Eric, then to Four, Claude, and Terra who were still lingering. "May we speak alone?"

"No." I replied without a moment's pause.

Her smile remained. "Perhaps you and Tobias would accompany me back to my office."

I knew it was meant to be more of a command, but the word was out of my mouth before I could think, "No."

"Pen." Four said meeting my eyes.

"If she goes, I go." Eric stated.

"No." She replied, her smile never faltering.

God I wanted to hate her. And yet…

"Pen." Four said again, nodding at me.

Meeting his eyes, I sighed, "Fine."

"Pen." Eric said gripping my hand.

Looking up at him, I smirked. "It's my turn to make you sweat a little."

"Fine." He replied kissing me deeply. "You can fill me in afterward."

"I will." I nodded at him.

"Penelope." Evelyn stated, her tone reminding me of my mother.

Smiling at her, I crossed my arms, slowly stepping toward her. "Anything you have ever told me has been relayed to him." I told her. "I have no secrets from him. You might as well let him come as well."

"No." She repeated with annoyance.

"It's fine." He told me, his hands on my shoulders, running them down my arms. Feeling his lips in my hair, I put my hands over his. "Claude. Terra." He said and moved toward the door.

"No." Claude said as she glared at Evelyn.

"You really are loyal to each other." Evelyn smiled. "I'll give you that. However I would like to speak to my son and Pen alone."

"Just go." I told Claude and Terra. "Keep Eric out of trouble and I'll find you when we're done."

"I don't like it." Claude stated.

"Claude." Terra said slipping her hand into hers. "Let's just go."

Terra pulled her from the room and now Eric was the only one who hadn't moved. Wrapping my arms around him, I leaned up and kissed him sweetly. "Go on, baby. I'll catch up."

He pulled me against him, whispering to me, "Don't let her manipulate you."

"I won't." I whispered back.

"And don't believe everything she tells you."

"I won't." I repeated.

His grip on me tightened, "And don't agree to anything. And don't do anything stupid."

Laughing lightly, I gripped his shoulder blades, burying my face in his neck. "Now you sound like me."

"Can we move this along please?" Evelyn said impatiently.

Feeling him tense, I smiled, resting my head against his chest. "Yeah." I finally said and let him go.

"Hey." He said with furrowed brows, gripping my arm.

Smiling, I brought my hand to his face, running my thumb across his growing beard. "It sucks being the one felt behind, doesn't it?" He sighed and nodded, his jaw clenched. Grinning, I kissed him sweetly, "Love you, babe."

"Love you."

Four gripped my arm, gently pulling me away from him, "We're not going to war."

"Not yet." Evelyn grinned.

"I feel so much better." Eric frowned at all of us.

"We'll find you later." Four told him, his arm around me.

Walking the halls back to the library, we passed through and to her office. I'd been here too much. I hated this room. I hated all the light. Although I had to say that I did enjoy the smell of the books. Eric's room smelled similar. Something I'd never put together until right now. Watching Evelyn move to the desk, perching on the very edge of it, she turned to me and Four as we sat in the chairs in front of her.

"I think we have to talk about your loyalty. Both of yours." She told us.

Frowning, I looked at Four. He didn't seem too concerned. Looking back at Evelyn, she seemed more tired than anything. Though I still felt like she was about to accuse one or both of us of something. Trying to stay one step ahead, though I was coming up blank.

"Ultimately, it was you who helped Tris, and got that video released." She stated. "No one else knows that, but I know it."

"You think no one else knows?" I frowned at her. "You do remember that I'm sitting right here, right? So when you talk to him, could you please talk to both of us?" She smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

"Listen." Four said leaning forward and propping his elbows on his knees. "I didn't know what was in that file. I trusted Tris's judgment more than my own. That's all that happened."

"And now that you've seen the footage?" She went on. "What do you think now? Do you think we should leave the city?"

Running my fingers through my hair, I mirrored Four, looking at him. It's obvious that she wants him to say that he doesn't and that he wants to stay here. But we both knew that that wasn't the case, only the problem now is Four's inability to lie.

"I'm afraid of it." He finally told her. "I'm not sure it's smart to leave the city knowing the dangers that might be out there."

Then her eyes are on me. I met her eyes and nodded, "I agree." She's biting the inside of her cheek and I see a look flicker across Four's face.

She slid off the desk, moving to the window. "I've been receiving disturbing reports of a rebel organization among us." She looked up, raising an eyebrow. "People always organize into groups. That's a fact of our existence. I just didn't expect it to happen this quickly."

"What kind of organization?" Four and I said together.

"The kind that wants to leave the city." She replied. "They released some kind of manifesto this morning. They call themselves the Allegiant." Both of us look at her, confused. "Because they're allied with the original purpose of our city, see?"

"The original purpose—you mean, what was in the Edith Prior video? That we should send people outside when the city has a large Divergent population?"

"That, yes. But also living in factions. The Allegiant claim that we're meant to be in factions because we've been in them since the beginning." She shook her head. "Some people will always fear change. But we can't indulge them."

"So you think that the factions should be demolished?"

"Yes."

"What are you going to do about them?" Four asked.

"I am going to get them under control, what else?"

Four sat straighter at the word "control". The only "control" that we've experienced had been with needles and serums and threats and guns. We don't know anything other than the simulations that we've been put into. My stomach dropped and for a moment I couldn't breathe.

Simulations.

Control.

My eyes move to the door and all I want to do is run out of it and back to Eric.

Running my fingers through my hair, I moved closer to the edge of the chair, "What am I even doing here, Evelyn? This sounds like a conversation that could have been done without me." I told her, trying not to let my anxiousness show.

"When you say "control", do you mean with simulations?" Four asked slowly before she could answer me.

I don't even think she heard me. Now she's scowling at her son. "Of course not! I am not Jeanine Matthews!"

Getting to my feet, I paced away from her, ready to react to anything she's about to do. Four is on edge as well, but manages to remain calm, "Don't forget that I barely know you, Evelyn."

She winced at the reminder. "Then let me tell you that I will never resort to simulations to get my way. Death would be better."

I appreciated that. No simulations. But Four looks like she's still going to do something unforgiveable. "I can find out who they are." He told her. "And Pen can help me."

"I'm sure that you can. Why else would I have told you about them?"

There it is. The manipulation. And Four just dragged me into it.

"I'll do it, then. I'll find them."

"Pen?" She said with her eyes on me.

Furrowing my brows, I looked at Four. I knew what he wanted me to say. But I wasn't there yet. "Is that why I'm here?" I frowned. "So you can have two people doing your dirty work?"

"Not only that but I trust you. Both of you. And my offer still stands."

Laughing, I paced away from her as Four got to his feet. "Are you fucking kidding me? I have nothing to do with anything that's going on. Tris does. Four's your kid so I get why you want him involved. But me? I'm just another Divergent who is seeking refuge and answers. I have no idea what to do next. I sure as hell don't know who to trust, least of all you."

"Pen." Four said softly.

"No." I shot at him. "You may agree to help her but you do not speak for me."

"Calm down, Opie." He said gently.

Panic was starting to take over. I wasn't going to be made into some sort of spy. I'd just gotten rid of all my secrets and just wanted to know what I had to do to get back a semblance of a normal life.

"I don't want this." I said looking between them.

"Whether you like it or not, you're going to have to choose a side. You'll need to form alliances and make the hard decisions. You're family to Tobias and I appreciate that and accept that. Do it for him."

Four's staring at me now, silently pleading for me to just shut up and agree. We'd figure everything else out later. "Fine." I finally told them. "Fine. I'll help."

"Thank you." She smiled at us.


	3. Steady As She Goes

**Chapter Three: Steady As She Goes**

Sitting in bed, facing the headboard, the sun had been down for hours. Eric lay sleeping soundly, but I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was alive with this new mission Four had gotten me into, the reason he stormed off afterward, and what had been said and done since then. Sighing, I forcefully ran my fingers through my hair, trying not to rock the bed too much as I got off of it. Looking at Eric, he hadn't moved.

Grabbing one of his shirts, I slipped it over my tank. I wasn't cold; I just wanted to have his scent near me. Burying my face in the neck of it, I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath. It smelled like his cologne. He'd been wearing it more since we'd left home. He must have packed it when we left Dauntless. He'd packed more than I had thought he had. Not having noticed since it hadn't been long before he disappeared and all hell broke loose.

Picking up one of his books next, I smiled as I flipped through the pages. For being Erudite, he didn't read to gain knowledge like one would think. He read for the enjoyment of it. To escape into another world. To relieve some of the stress of the real world. I hadn't done a lot of extracurricular reading, but I did enjoy the few times where he read out loud to me. It had started since we'd been here and I had hoped it would become a habit for us. So when he asked me what was normal for us I could add that to the list.

Putting it back down, I stepped up to the window, looking out over the city. It was an odd feeling to know that we were all basically factionless now. Something that used to terrify me and now I was honestly not too upset about it. I just hoped that when this was all over people would still want tattoos and would still need me to help patch them up. I was all for the idea that Evelyn had in her head. I was simply worried about the execution of whatever plan she had in mind. I wanted a place to call home and a life that was worth living. Out from under the control of anyone. I get authority and leadership. I just hoped that we would end up with someone who was looking out for the best of everyone and not just themselves.

Turning back to Eric, I smiled, imagining the life I wanted to have with him. Remembering the day I met him. My first day in Dauntless, he was already a leader and in charge of showing us our new home. It went down a lot like it did when Tris arrived, only he was more malicious. Thinking back on that day, something finally clicked in my brain. The moments when I caught him looking at me, thinking it was just because I was new. After our resurrection and we were reunited, he told me that he'd known we'd end up like this. Together. I thought he was crazy when he told me and I still thought he was a bit crazy now. He was the last thing I expected and yet he told me that I was all that he'd wanted. He surprised me every single day.

Going to my bag of things, I pulled out my sketchbook. Having packed it from home, I opened to a blank page, sharpening my pencil. Pulling the desk chair to the window, I put my feet up on the metal ledge that connected the windows. Hunkering down, my pencil hovered over the paper for just a moment before I made the first line. With it also came the relief I'd been looking for. The calming effect was almost immediate as the people I loved started to come to life. Like the book I had left in Amity – with Maggie – my life started to appear on these pages. Where Eric read, I drew, and together we made one hell of a story.

"Baby?" Eric's voice said softly, breaking the night's silence.

"Just one sec, baby." I replied just as softly.

He waited literally one second before I heard his feet hit the tiled floor, making their way over to me. Smiling as his arm wrapped around my neck, he pressed his lips against it. He was far too distracting for me to keep drawing, making me lower my pencil and turn my head toward him, pressing a kiss against his temple.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" I asked him.

"No." He replied, resting his chin on my shoulder as he looked down at the paper. "I don't sleep well without you in bed with me."

"Even though I'm still in the same room?" I smiled at him.

"Not the same as being able to reach out and touch you." He replied, his lips once again finding my neck.

"When did you get so sentimental?" I asked as a shudder moved through me.

"When I met you." He replied.

Opening my mouth to reply, I didn't get the opportunity before he had me in his arms, the book and pencil falling to the floor. He kicked the chair out of the way and carried me back to the bed. He put one knee on the edge of it, gently lowering both of us down on top of it. He pressed himself against me as he kissed me passionately. Gripping the base of his shirt, I pulled it up, sliding my hand underneath it so I could feel his skin. Slipping my fingers into the waistband of his pants, he groaned against my mouth, his tongue slipping into it, taking my breath away. But as quickly as he started, he stopped, rolling off of me.

"Hey." I frowned, propping myself up and looking down at him. "It was just getting to the good part."

"Yeah." He frowned.

Now I was worried. "What is it?" He didn't say anything; he simply rolled out of bed and picked up my sketchbook and pencil from the floor, coming back to bed. "Baby."

"I know I just ruined the mood, but I want to look at this." He replied.

"You've seen it before." I replied, moving against him, wrapping my arm around him as he turned it to the beginning.

"I've seen your sketches for the Parlor." He clarified. "It's what comes after them that I haven't seen."

"You're going to call me creepy again." I smirked, pressing a kiss against his shoulder.

He furrowed his brows at me before flipping through the pages. Once he got to the ones of him, he continued to flip and I almost felt embarrassed as his face kept appearing over and over and over again. I actually had to look away, lying on my side, wrapping myself around him. I half expected him to leave me right here right now. Only he leaned against me, making small noises here and there.

He must have reached the end since he set the book aside and turned his torso, putting his arm on the other side of me. I buried my face into his side, unable to look at him. Gently pushing me onto my back, he rested his chest on top of me. Meeting his eyes, a blush filled my cheeks as he stared at me.

"Say something." I told him, running my hand up and down his arm.

He just looked at me before smiling at me fondly. "I love you, woman."

Smiling, I put my hand on the back of his neck, pulling him down to me, kissing him passionately. "I love you, Eric." I replied. "You are my most favorite person."

"And you're mine." He replied and kissed me again.

"So me being slightly obsessed with you doesn't creep you out or anything?"

He furrowed his brows, "Of course not."

"Good."

"If I could draw like you, I'd have portraits of you everywhere." He added with his lips against mine.

Laughing, I wrapped my arms around him, brushing my nose against his. "Can we get back to the good part now?"

In response he pulled both his shirt and mine from me, my pants following. For a moment he took in my naked body, his fingers running down between my breasts before cupping one in his hand. His lips found the other, taking my nipple between his teeth. My heart was already pounding, wet with anticipation for what came next.

As always, he did not disappoint.

Come morning, our bed was a mess, a pillow had been torn open, and I was lying on my stomach on Eric's back. He was very comfortable. Grinning, I pressed my lips between his shoulder blades, placing a long kiss against him. He moaned happily as I ran my hands along his arms, lacing my fingers with his.

"I'd have to call that one of our best night's yet." He grinned as he brought my hands underneath his head. Grinning back, I pressed another kiss against his skin, my tongue touching him as I took a deep inhale of him. "Keep that up and I'm never leaving this bed."

"Maybe that's my plan." I replied trailing kisses up his spine to his neck. Taking his earlobe between my teeth, I breathed against his ear, whispering to him, "Who knows what I might do to you."

Grinning again as I felt him quiver, he threw me off his back, moving over me. "You should be more concerned about what I'm going to do with you."

"God I love you." I breathed with his lips against mine.

"I love you."

Then the door burst open. "Lots of love in here."

"Claude!" I yelled in an attempt to cover us. Failing horribly, she stood with her hands on her hips, grinning at us. "Why do I bother?" I said exasperatingly. Eric laughed, his lips finding my neck. "It's not funny."

"I think she's kind of cute when she does this." He replied, gently biting my neck.

"No she's not." I frowned at him, shoving him away from me. His laughter followed me as I rolled out of bed, facing her, my sister in every way but in blood, naked and exposed. "There, are you happy now?" I frowned at her with my hands on my hips.

"Yeah, Claude, are you happy?" Eric said standing next to me.

"Eric!" I exclaimed, grabbing the sheet and wrapping it around his waist.

He frowned down at me, "You do remember that she favors women over men, right?"

Freezing, I felt my cheeks flush and I took the sheet from him and wrapped it around myself. "You have a point." Claude burst with laughter, grinning, and winking at me. Eric's laughter joined hers. The sound was like music to my ears, making me join them. "Yeah, laugh it up." Eric wrapped his arms around me, his lips in my hair. "What can we do for you?" I asked her as I ran my fingers up and down his arm.

"Some company for starters." She replied.

"Where's Terra?" Eric asked.

"She's decided to take part in the training that Evelyn has the Dauntless putting on for the Factionless." She sighed.

"And you didn't want to be with her?" Eric frowned.

"That is odd of you." I frowned as well. "You're as obsessed with her as I am with him. Seems to me that you wouldn't want to leave her alone. Especially with everything that's been going on."

She narrowed her eyes at us. "You two are awfully chipper considering everything that has been going on."

Eric grinned at her, "We had a good night."

Claude raised a brow at him, crossing her arms, "Then you both should have worked up an appetite. Let's go."

We both sighed, Eric being the first to move to put clothes on. I watched him get dressed, staring at the contours of his body, letting a moan escape me. Then the back of my head was hit and I frowned at Claude who was glaring back at me. Getting dressed, the three of us left together, making our way toward the cafeteria. We'd eaten pretty well since we'd been here. It was one of the perks. As well as being an object of wanting for Evelyn. That's why Eric and I had our nice little room with the nice view. I was being buttered up for a position I was never going to take.

We had barely entered the room when I was torn off my feet, being tossed over Henry's shoulder and spun before he basically dropped me onto the floor. Laughing, he helped me back to my feet, though Eric was frowning as he took my waist, keeping me close to him as we grabbed our oatmeal with a sprinkle of brown sugar and our mug of coffee before we found a seat.

"Opie." Four said pressing a kiss into my hair as he sat down.

"Hey, handsome." I smiled. "How've you been?"

"I'm okay." He said returning a weak smile.

Running my fingers through his hair, missing Eric's, I kissed his temple as he sighed. "What's bothering you?"

"Something's going on." He replied softly.

"What is it?" Eric asked.

Four looked around us before replying, "Evelyn is planning something."

"We knew that." I frowned at him. "What's changed?"

"Baby." Eric said as a manner of shushing me.

"What?" I frowned at him.

He kissed me sweetly, "Please be quiet."

I went from a three to an eight before I managed to bring myself back down, glaring at him, but kept my mouth shut. Motioning to Four, he smiled, looking at Eric before winking at me.

"After we met with her, I lingered."

"You stormed off." I frowned.

He just shook his head.

"And?" Eric asked with anxiousness.

"And she's going to be putting on some sort of demonstration."

My spoon fell and I had suddenly lost my appetite. "I thought she wasn't going to be playing around with any simulations."

"I don't think she is." He replied. "This is something else."

Shoving the food away from me, I slouched in my chair, picking at an imperfection in the table. "Do you know what the demonstration is?"

"No." Four replied softly.

Eric put his fingers against my forearm, trailing them up and down it. "It's okay." He told me.

"The last demonstration I was a part of consisted of serum being repeatedly pumped into my system." I told them, starting to feel detached. Pushing the chair back, I quickly stood and moved away from them. "I'm not doing it again."

"Pen." Eric said softly as he was following me.

"No." I said moving faster.

"Opie." Four said appearing in front of me.

My ears were pounding and I felt like I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. "No."

"Baby." Eric said wrapping his arm around my stomach. "Just calm down."

"No." I repeated.

Before anything else could be said, there was shouting. Looking up at Eric, he was looking at Four, tightly gripping my hand as we moved toward the sound. Pushing our way past anyone who got in our way, we moved into the lobby of Erudite headquarters. For a second my eyes fell on the remaining shreds on the floor that used to be the portrait of Jeanine.

There was a group of factionless gathered outside in the middle of Michigan Avenue. The partially clouded sky made a haze settle over everyone. Something that felt extremely foreboding. Like something horrible was about to happen.

"Death to the factions!" Someone shouted.

Others joined in until the phrase surrounded us. Fists were in the air like excitable Dauntless, something we were all familiar with. Only there is no excitement in their tones. They're angry.

"The demonstration." I whispered, leaning into Eric's side, hugging his arm.

Keeping close to his side, he followed Four as he pushed through the middle of the group. When we finally made it through, we saw them all gathered around the huge, man-sized faction bowls from the Choosing Ceremony. They were turned onto their sides, their contents spilling across the road, coals and glass and stone and earth and water all mingling together.

"What are you doing?" I asked attempting to move forward only Eric stopped me. Phantom pain moved through my palm where I'd cut it the day I chose Dauntless. "Stop it!" Then I spot Edward, shards of glass ground to dust beneath his heel, a sledgehammer held above his head. "Ed!" I yelled, attempting to move to him only to have Eric hold me back again. He brought it down, coal dust rising into the air. "What is happening?"

The crowd was growing by the second. Only not just with factionless wearing black armbands with empty white circles on them, but with people from every former faction, their arms bare. An Erudite man burst free from the crowd just as Edward pulled back the sledgehammer for another swing. The man attempted to stop him, gripping the handle of the hammer. For a moment I see ink smudged on his hands. Then they were pushing against each other, fighting for control.

Pulling free of Eric's grip, I rushed forward, too late to stop Edward from pulling the sledgehammer from the man's grip. He swung it, connecting with the man's shoulder at full force. I could hear the bone crack.

He screamed and for a moment the whole room went silent as if everyone inhaled at the same time. Then the crowd exploded, everyone running toward the bowls, toward Edward, toward the Erudite man. I reached Edward first, gripping his wrist and shoulder. He reacted by swinging the sledgehammer, putting me off balance, pain searing through my shoulder blade as I fell to my knees.

Before I could recover, bodies started colliding everywhere. Yelling as they all started to fight each other. A foot found my stomach, momentarily lifting me off the ground. Scrambling to the side, I got to my feet, ducking underneath an arm before a fist found my cheekbone. Anger started to boil and I swiftly gripped a shoulder, punching them as hard as I could. I wasn't even looking at faces as the fight started to heat up. Backhanding another with a closed fist, I gripped the back of another's neck, bringing their face into my knee before shoving them to the floor.

Hearing Eric's feral yell, I spun to see him taking on two, clearly enjoying the fight as much as I was. I couldn't deny that I wasn't enjoying myself. Two more fell before I turned, seeing Four going for Edward. Moving toward them, I was engaged in multiple hand to hand encounters before I reached them, gripping Edward's shoulder.

Then a gun went off. Three shots total.

Falling to the floor, I wasn't sure what had just happened. People were still moving, only now they were scattering, running from the threat of bullets. My hand was still on Edward, only now there is warmth running underneath it.

"Ed." I said getting to my hands and knees.

"Pen!" Eric's voice was yelling.

Looking up, he was rushing toward me, seeing the red on my hand as I looked at it. My eyes fell on Edward. The bullet had hit his gut, blood pooling underneath him. Putting my hand over his wound, I put pressure against it, already seeing him pale.

"Ed, you're gonna be okay." I told him. "You're gonna be okay." His remaining eye was moving back and forth behind his eyelid. Putting my hand against his face, I stared at him, "Stay with me, Edward. You don't get to die. Not like this."

"We have to get him to the hospital." Four said dropping at his other side.

"Pen." Eric said wrapping his arm around me as he fell to his knees next to me. "Are you hurt?"

"I don't know." I told him, shaking my head. "I don't think so."

Four's eyes moved over his shoulder to where Tris was kneeling next to the Erudite man. "Is he…?"

Jerking my head toward her, her fingers are against his throat; her eyes are wide and empty. I knew the answer she was going to give. Shaking her head, it was confirmation of his death. Lifting up Edward's shirt, I look at the exterior damage. Shaking started to take over. Why was there always so much blood?

"We have to go." Tris said looking at Four.

Something passed between them. He repeated her words. Something had just been decided. But I couldn't care about that right now. Not while Edward was bleeding out in between us.

"Help me." I told Four before looking at Eric.

He nodded and between the four of us, we carried Edward to the makeshift hospital. His lack of screaming wasn't reassuring. The smell of chemicals hit my nose and for a second I had to fight a sense of nausea. We were soon swarmed by nurses and then the doctor who treated Tori.

"Doc!" I exclaimed, my hands still trying to keep Edward's blood in his body.

"I'm starting to feel like trouble follows you." She smiled at me before her smile disappeared. "What do we got?"

"Single gunshot wound to the abdomen. Heavy blood loss. Unresponsive." I told her.

She started to take in his wound. "Okay." She nodded. "We have nurses here, Kid. Let us take care of him." For a long moment I held her eyes, a nurse on either side of me ready to replace my hands with theirs. "Kid, we've got this."

"It's just…" I started and stopped.

"I know." She nodded. "I've read your reports. I'm confident you've done all you can." She put her hand on my wrist. "Let us take it from here."

Finally nodding, I stepped back. Hands were on my arms and I was gently led away from Edward and the entire scene. Looking up at Eric, he sighed, and for a moment I couldn't breathe. Shaking my head, he stopped and wrapped me in his arms. Curling my hands into fists, I attempted to keep the spreading of blood minimal. Burying my face in his chest, I couldn't help the sobs that escaped me.

He let me calm down, before gently pulling me away from him, cupping my face in his hands. He smiled at me sweetly, "I'm still not a fan of the tears."

Laughing lightly, I nodded, "I know. Me neither."

"Let's get you cleaned up." He said pressing a kiss against my forehead.

Nodding, we made our way to the elevators, seeing Four sitting near them. "Four?" I said getting no response from him. "Tobias?" I said putting my hand against his shoulder. He jumped, looking up at me with a frown. "Hey, it's okay." I told him softly.

He shook his head, looking at Eric, "She planned this."

Eric squatted, keeping his balance with his forearms on his knees, lacing his fingers in between them. "What do you mean?"

"I mean she did this on purpose." Four repeated, his anger boiling. "She planned for a fight to break out. She knew it would get out of control. She needed to make a big statement about the factions, without caring about the consequences."

Knowing he was right, neither of us had time to respond when the elevator doors opened and Evelyn burst out of them. "Tobias!"

She rushed toward us, swiftly taking Four's hands in hers. His hands have as much blood on them as mine did. It was kind of nice to have someone else carry the burden of blood with me. And Evelyn actually looked concerned for her son. I almost believed her.

"Are you hurt?" She asked him.

"The blood is Edward's. I helped carry him here." He told her.

Then my wrist was grabbed, making me jump as my hand was jerked palm up, "Are you?" She asked.

"No." I said jerking my hand out of her grip. "It's Edward's."

"How is he?" She asked.

Four shook his head, "Dead."

Taking a deep breath, I felt tears start to brim. I actually felt sorry for Evelyn. She shrunk back, letting go of Four as she sat on one of the chairs. Edward had been her right hand man since he was forced out of Dauntless initiation. She had helped make him the man he was. He might have been rough around the edges but he was a good guy. He shouldn't have died this way. Tears are actually glistening in her eyes. Her fingers were trembling and I didn't know what I was doing until I was doing it, kneeling in front of her, taking her hands in mine.

Four looked at me before looking at his mother. "I'm sorry." Meeting his eyes, I gave him a sympathetic look. "Why didn't you tell me about the demonstration?"

She shook her head, "I didn't know about it."

She didn't know? She was lying. Then I couldn't help but think that if she knew about it, maybe it was done to attempt to force me or Four into the position. Feeling anger start to fill me, I stood and paced away from her. Eric put his hands on my arms, frowning at Evelyn. We knew she was lying. Looking at Four, he was going to let her get away with it.

"Oh." He told her, scratching behind his ear. "You can go in and see him, if you want."

"No." She replied. "I know what bodies look like."

"Maybe I should go."

"Stay." She told him, touching the empty chair between them. "Please."

He sat next to her and for the first time I saw them as mother and son. His feelings may be torn when it came to her, but in this moment they were both weak. Something she would appreciate but I was afraid that if he started to feel something, whatever happened next would be difficult for him.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked me.

"Can we get out of here?" I asked looking up at him.

He nodded, wrapping his arm around me and leading me away.

Going back to our apartment, he led me straight to the bathroom, stripping me and getting me into the shower with him. Not saying a word, a stray tear falling here and there, he cleaned the blood from my hands. He gripped my elbow and pain seared making a hiss escape me, my head jerking toward my arm. Red covered his hand and for a moment fear crossed his face. It'd been a long time since he had my blood on his hands. He brought my arm up, looking at it. Sighing, he gently touched different places, pain accompanying each one.

"What is it?" I asked.

"A bullet grazed you." He told me with a raised brow.

Sighing, I nodded, "Nothing serious than."

"Nothing serious?" He told me with a hard expression.

"Eric." I said gently, sensing his anger already.

"What about here?" He said touching my side. "And here?" He said slamming his hand against my thigh, making my skin tingle. "And here?" My ribcage. "Here?" He went on, spinning me and touching my back. "Here?" My arm. "Here!" The top of my shoulder. He was yelling now. He jerked me into him, slamming against his chest, his voice suddenly quiet, "…here." He said with his fingers against my temple. "When you say nothing serious, I think of all the bullets you've taken. The fights you've been in. All of them alone may not be serious but you should probably be dead by now. Each one could have been your life. So don't tell me that it's nothing serious. This whole thing is serious and you shouldn't joke about it. Ever."

Tears were once again in my eyes and for a moment a flutter of anxiousness filled me. "Okay."

He sighed, wrapping his arms around me. Doing the same, I buried my face in his neck, unable to hide the shaking that had settled in. "I'm sorry." He told me. "I wasn't there to protect you then. I'm here now and I promised myself that I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

Leaning away from him, I smiled, shaking my head, "Baby, things have already happened. You can't protect me from everything. We don't know what's going to happen. You're not the only one who made some promises to themselves. I too promised to keep you safe."

"And I'm bullet free." He stated with a raised brow.

"So am I." I smiled. "No bullets are embedded in me. I'm not the one lying on a slab." I added and suddenly felt a wave of depression.

"But you could have been!" He yelled.

"Why are you yelling at me?" I asked with as calm a tone as I could muster. "I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know he was going to get shot."

"Would it have stopped you?" He asked, not yelling, but his voice was still raised.

"Yes!" I yelled. "It would have stopped me, Eric!" Letting out a heavy sigh, I lowered my voice. "It would have stopped me because if I knew a gun was involved I would have been at your side, making sure you were safe. If I'm going to take a bullet for anyone it's going to be you."

Anger crossed his face, only then I was against the wall, his lips crashing against mine. Bending, he gripped me behind my knee, bringing it to his side, lifting me off the floor. In the next second he was inside of me, sliding in with ease as I melted at his touch. Groaning, our mouths still against each other, breathing heavily, he thrust in and out of me, keeping me in place while I gripped him tightly. Digging my nails into his back, I moaned, wrapping my arm around his head as I moved my lips to his ear. Pressing my lips against his shoulder, I bit down as he thrust deeper inside of me. The glass fogged over, the water feeling cool compared to the heat between us.

Spinning me, I climaxed as he slammed me against the wall again, feeling him release inside of me at the same moment. Lowering me back onto my feet, he pressed himself against me, his hands wiping the hair that was sticking to my face. Kissing me deeply, I wrapped my arm around him, running my hand along his shoulder blades before resting it against the back of his head.

"I love you." He told me.

"I love you." I replied. "More than anything. And anyone."

He nodded, "I know."

"So don't be mad at me. I didn't jump in front of that bullet and I wouldn't endanger myself on purpose."

"I know." He repeated.

"You're all that matters to me."

"I know."

Laughing, I momentarily threw my head back before taking his head in my hands. "Please say something more than that."

"You're everything to me. I may have grown to care about Four and Claude and Terra, hell, even Tris, but you're all that matters to me."

Grinning, I kissed him, running my hands across his hair, "I know."

* * *

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 **I hope you enjoyed! And now we wait for another week to go by... ; )**


	4. Unexpected

**Chapter Four: Unexpected**

Waking to the sun's rays shining through the windows, I was on my stomach, opening my eyes to see the blue of the sky. Feeling warmth next to me, I soon felt fingers against my bare skin, trailing from my shoulder to the base of my spine. Eric ran his hand along my rear, feeling his chest against me before his lips pressed between my shoulder blades.

Smiling, I shifted, turning my head toward him. He lowered himself, partially on top of me, his face so close to mine that all I could see were his eyes. His arm laid the length of my spine, his fingers moving back and forth across my skin. Staring into his eyes, I let out a contented sigh, smiling as I brushed my nose against his. He cracked a smile, kissing me softly. Shutting my eyes, my lips were still touching his. He shifted just enough so I could feel his lashes against my cheek. His breath was warm against my face, making me relax, feeling like I could fall asleep again.

Then he was whispering, "You're so beautiful."

Opening my eyes again, looking at him through my eyelashes. Smiling, I freed the arm that was underneath him. Running my fingers across the hair at his temple, I brushed the back of my fingers against his cheek, leaning in and kissed him slowly, his beard pleasantly scratching the flesh around my mouth.

"Thank you." I whispered, though it wasn't because of his compliment.

He kissed me again, rubbing his nose against mine, before he rested his forehead against mine, a sigh escaping him. "How are you feeling?"

"In this moment I am extremely content." I smiled as I nestled closer against him.

He laughed, gripping my side, making me squirm and roll away from him. As soon as I was apart from him, he rolled, pulling me against his chest. Laughing, I wrapping my arms around him, kissing him repeatedly.

"It's moments like this that I forget that there is a war going on around us. For a moment everything feels normal." I told him softly.

"If normal is being trapped in Erudite, the factions being dissolved, a world outside of the walls, and people dying all around us. Everything we have is just an illusion of normalcy." He replied and sat up, bending a knee as he picked at the sheets.

"Eric." I said softly, rising to my knees, moving behind him. "What's wrong?" I asked him, pressing my breasts against his back, leaning around him so I could meet his eyes. He turned his head and looked at me but didn't reply. "Baby, are you still mad at me? Did I do something? Can I make it better?" I asked as he just looked at me.

He took a deep breath, shaking his head as he looked away, "I'm not mad at you, Pen. I just don't like not knowing what's going on."

Falling forward, lying so I could face him, I furrowed my brows. "Because you knew everything that was going on when you were working for Jeanine?" He shot me a look. "What's the real problem here? The fact that you don't know or that you're no longer in a position of power?"

"You know that I don't care about that." He shot back at me.

"I'm just trying to figure out what your problem is." I shot back, rolling out of bed.

He did the same, following me as I walked toward the bathroom. "You're the one with the problem. I was perfectly happy when I woke up. Then _you_ have to go and open your mouth. You still don't think before you speak."

Turning, wanting to stay angry with him, it disappeared as I took in his naked form. From his strong calves and thighs, his perfect penis making me wet, rubbing my thighs together as a tingle ran through me. My eyes still moving up to his perfectly formed ass, the lines of his body leading up to his sculpted abs, toned chest, the bulging muscles of his arms, his strong neck…he was…

"…perfect." I whispered.

"What?" He frowned at me, his hands on his hips.

"Utterly spectacular." I told him as I stepped toward him, a mischievous smile on my face.

His eyes followed the same path mine just had, taking me in. The frown was still on his face as he shook his head. "No." He told me but his tone was no longer hard. "No, Pen. I'm not done with this conversation." I was barely a foot in front of him. "You don't get to accuse me of…of…" I trailed my finger down his chest, "…of whatever you were accusing me of, and then expect me to just drop it just because I find you maddeningly irresistible."

Grinning at him, I ran my hands from his, up his arms, and to his neck. Leaning up, I gently bit his chin before I brushed my lips against his. His hands twitched toward me. "Alright then." I told him, swiftly letting him go, moving away from him.

I had barely gone two steps when he gripped my wrist. Turning to look at him, smiling, he yanked me to him, his hand finding my face. "I hate you."

Grinning, loving those words as much as the opposite, I wrapped my arm around him, gripping the back of his neck. "I hate you too." Kissing him passionately, I sighed, "I'm sorry."

"I don't want to be here, Pen." He told me with seriousness. "I chose Dauntless for a reason. Being back here makes me anxious."

Nodding, I trailed my fingers across his collarbone, "Do you want to talk about it? Would it help?"

"No." He replied, kissing my forehead. "I don't want to talk about it. Or _them_. Or anything about this place."

"Okay." I replied gently. "But if you ever did want to talk about it, I'll listen. I won't even say anything if you don't want me to."

He chuckled, meeting my eyes, "You? Not say anything?"

"I may find it hard to hold my tongue, but you know I can't deny you." He raised a brow. "Fine, I can't deny you much."

His hands moved up and down my back, "You've made me soft."

"Is that so bad?" I smirked at him.

"I don't know yet." He replied.

"I've gone soft too."

"You have good reason." He stated.

"Not any better a reason than you." I told him with seriousness. "It's this place. We need to leave here."

"Is that what you think Four and Tris are planning?" He asked.

I nodded, "Tris is set to see what's outside. I can't blame her. Her history is on the outside of these walls."

"To get there we would have to go through Amity." He stated.

"If that's the route we have to take."

His brows furrowed. "It'd be this all over again, only for you."

"I don't say this to hurt you but…I love my parents. Though after seeing them after what happened to Maggie and to Hazel, it'll be hard."

"It's my fault."

"They will accept you or they will lose me." I told him matter-of-factly. "I love you. That's not changing any time soon. I'll do what I have to. So will you. Either way, we're partners and whatever decisions we make we'll make together."

He sighed and nodded, kissing me deeply, "I don't deserve you, Pen."

"But I deserve you." I smiled and kissed him again.

"No you don't." He told me. "I've given you very little reason to want to be with me."

Laughing lightly, I realized he was serious. "Eric." I frowned.

"What?" He replied. "I was horrible. I was an asshole. I have done things that should never be forgiven. I killed your sister and you forgave me for it."

"Yes, I did." I told him. "You've made your amends and you are a part of something bigger than you realize. Bigger than I realize. You deserve more than what you've been given. And I'm going to make sure you get everything when all this is over."

"Love you."

"I love you."

The smile fell from my face as I released him, taking his hands. "What is it?" He asked.

"Don't get mad or anything, but there something we need to talk about." I replied. His brows furrowed. "I know we've hinted around the topic but I need to ask you something." He sighed, nodding, seeming to realize what I was going to ask. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't want to do anything." He replied.

"Okay." I nodded.

"You saw what they were like." He frowned down at me. "My fear landscape wasn't holding back."

"Okay." I repeated.

"I don't want to see them. I don't want to know if they're dead or alive. I don't want anything to do with them!" He was yelling by the end.

"Okay." I repeated again.

He paced away from me, looking back at me with a hard expression, "Don't ever ask me about them again."

"Okay." I said yet again, wrapping my arms around myself as I averted my eyes from his.

He sighed, his tone turning gentle, "Baby, I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I smiled, turning and moving to the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

Taking a deep breath, I hated when he was angry, especially when it was about something that I didn't understand. More so because he was the only one angry. When we were yelling at each other, it was fine, but when it was one sided, it always seemed worse. Showering, I opened the door to find the room empty. Sighing, I got dressed and slowly moved toward the cafeteria. Breakfast would be over soon and I was starving.

Sitting next to Claude with my food, I nudged her, "Hey."

"Hey." She beamed. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Where do you think I've been?" I countered.

She just laughed and shook her head, "With Eric of course."

"I kind of like him." I smirked at her. "When he's not being an ass." I added.

"What happened?" Terra asked.

"Nothing really. I pissed him off unintentionally and he can still get a little scary."

"A little?" Terra frowned.

Sighing, I played with my food verses eating it. "When he even makes me nervous, I guess 'a little' is an understatement."

"You okay?" Claude asked.

"I'm fine." I told her. "I'm just not so sure about him."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, we're in his former faction. His parents are here somewhere and yet he won't talk about it. He doesn't have to if he doesn't want to but I had hoped he'd tell me something. If we run into them, I want to be prepared. I want him to be able to handle it. I tried to talk to him about it but he wouldn't talk to me other than to command me never to mention it again. I wasn't trying to pick a fight. I just want to understand and to help him."

"He doesn't need your help." Eric's voice said from behind us. He was angry.

"Eric, I –"

"No, Pen." He frowned. "It's a subject I don't want to talk about. Not even with you." He turned and started to walk away.

"Eric." I said following him. "Eric, stop."

"No." He said moving faster.

"Eric, please!" I cried running to move in front of him. He stopped but refused to meet my eyes. "Baby, talk to me."

"I don't want to talk about this, Pen." He told me. "You shouldn't try and force me to."

"I'm not." I frowned. "I just don't want seeing them to come as a shock."

"It won't." He replied, finally meeting my eyes. "Because it's not going to happen."

Keeping his eyes, I took his hand. "I know what they did to you. I know that you don't want to face them. I'm fine with that. I simply want to know enough so that I can take care of you if it should happen. So I can keep you out of it and so I can handle it."

"You don't have to handle anything." He frowned and moved around me.

Rushing after him, I had to practically jog to keep up with him, "Stop walking away from me."

"Why?" He shot. "What do you want me to say, Pen? Tell me so I can say it and shut you up."

"Stop it." I shot back at him. "You're being an asshole."

"So?" He shot over his shoulder at me. "This is about me and my life. My past. This has nothing to do with you so I get to be an asshole about it."

"Not to me." I said gripping his arm in an attempt to stop him.

"Yes I can!" He yelled, spinning and meeting my eyes.

I leapt back to avoid running into him. Those passing by were starting to stare. Waiting for the hall we were in to clear, I sighed and looked up at him. His chest was heaving with the breaths he was taking. He was still pissed. He wanted to yell. Wanted to hit something. But there was no release here.

"Hey." Four said appearing. "Everyone's starting to gather in the lobby to hear what Evelyn has to say."

"What's going on?" Tris asked us from his side. One of the few times I'd seen them together since he had supposedly broken up with her.

"Nothing." Eric said and walked away.

We all watched him walk away before both their eyes were on me. "It's nothing." I told them without meeting their eyes.

"What's going on, Opie?" Four asked.

Meeting his eyes, I shrugged, "It's nothing I can't handle."

"Pen." He frowned.

"It's none of your business." I frowned and started to follow Eric.

They were close behind me as we reached the lobby. Evelyn was standing amongst the remains of Jeanine's portrait. She was about to announce the new set of rules. I'm sure it was going to make our lives so much easier. Stepping next to Eric, both of us with arms crossed and frowns on our faces. Tori stepped next to me, seeming as excited about this as we were.

Looking around, there were former faction members and factionless alike gathered in the space and then spilling out into the street. I'm sure not all were here but most wanted to know what our leader had to say. Seeing the factionless soldiers line the walls, ready for something to happen, I felt anxious waiting for her speak.

"Yesterday's events made it clear that we are no longer able to trust each other." She told us.

She looks like hell. Like she'd been up all night. I hated to feel sorry for her but she did just lose someone she cared about. Her replacement son. It was only natural for her to look a bit rough. It would probably bring people to her side.

"We will be introducing more structure into everyone's lives until our situation is more stable. The first of these measures is a curfew: Everyone is required to return to their assigned living spaces at nine o'clock at night. They will not leave those spaces until eight o'clock the next morning. Guards will be patrolling the streets at all hours to keep us safe."

Safe.

What is safe anymore?

Looking up at Eric, we both raised a brow before looking back at Evelyn. Seeing Tori sneer out of the corner of my eye, I looked at her and nodded. She should still be a leader, only Evelyn was quick to take the title away from her.

And she's not done yet.

"It's also time to prepare for our new, factionless way of life. Starting today, everyone will begin to learn the jobs the factionless have done for as long as we can remember. We will then all do those jobs on a rotation schedule, in addition to the other duties that have traditionally been performed by the factions." Evelyn's forcing a smile. I would have thought she'd be happier about getting her way. "We will all contribute equally to our new city, as it should be. The factions have divided us, but now we will be united. Now, and forever."

My stomach turned as the factionless started to cheer. I wasn't sure I agreed with her. Each faction had their own responsibilities. I didn't know if forcing them to mingle was the best idea. I loved being Dauntless. Without factions, what was I supposed to do? Would I still be able to tattoo people in this factionless society? Would they force me to stay here in Erudite and learn to be a doctor? Would she finally get her way and make me her right hand like she seemed to want so badly? I suddenly realized what Eric meant by not liking not knowing what was going on.

Slipping my hand into his, I looked up at him, offering him a small smile. He sighed and brought his other hand to my face, putting his forehead against mine before kissing me deeply. His tongue parted my lips and all anger was lost by the mere taste of him.

"Can we please talk?" I asked him.

He sighed and nodded. "Let's take a walk."

Moving through the crowd and out into the street, he held my hand tightly as he led me away from headquarters. Walking the main road until he turned down a side road, than another, crossing a different main street, and then moved down an alley; he was quiet, making me anxious and yet it was better than him yelling. Stopping, he peered around a corner before stepping forward.

"Do you see that apartment building?" He asked me, pointing at the tallest on the block. I nodded. "Seventh floor, apartment 106, you can see it from here."

Following his line of sight, I didn't know which one it was but I knew what he was telling me. "Where you grew up."

He nodded. "I walked these streets every day. I know the ins and outs of Erudite, needing to know to either escape after a beating, right before it could happen, or to make it home in time so I wouldn't get one. Timing everything down to the second to just try and make it through the day."

Wrapping my arms around him, he did the same, sighing as he rested his chin against the top of my head, still looking at the building. "You didn't have to bring me here."

"I know." He replied, his hand moving up and down my back. "But I don't want to fight with you. I don't want to keep things from you. But this part of my life is something I'm not proud of. I hated my childhood. I left to escape them and still found myself becoming them."

"No, Eric." I frowned up at him as I let him go. "You are nothing like them."

"No?" He frowned. "What about Neely? What about the others I've hurt? What about the things I've done to you?"

Smirking, I slid my arms around him, "I love everything you do to me."

He finally smirked, kissing me sweetly, "You know what I mean."

"I do." I nodded. "But where I'm concerned, you've only done what you've been forced to do."

"Not every time." He replied. "Some of it was done by choice."

"Did you hit me by choice?" I asked with furrowed brows.

"No." He replied quickly. "God no."

"Not even when you discovered I was Divergent?" I asked next.

He shook his head, "Never."

"Did you ever hate me for being Divergent?" I asked. Something we'd never talked about. It hadn't mattered.

"No." He said shaking his head. "I was a little surprised but I had suspected for a while. The way you defended Tris. The way you acted sometimes. The things you said."

"You never asked or accused me of it."

"Of course not. I've loved you for a long time, Pen. And that day in Abnegation, with all eyes on us, I didn't know what to do. I was shocked and yet terrified. I thought I could protect you. But…" He said and trailed off.

"You hit me to protect me." I nodded. I'd known that since the moment it happened. "When we were with Jeanine…you didn't say much when she ordered my death."

"I know." He nodded. Something else we'd never talked about. "I regret that more than I can say. But there was only one thing I thought I could do to protect you."

Nodding, I sighed, "Play along with Jeanine."

He nodded back. "But that will never happen again."

"I know." I smiled. "I'm sorry if you think I cornered you or forced you to do this."

"I don't." He said shaking his head. "And don't be sorry. It's easier than I thought it would be."

"Is it?"

"It's you." He told me. "Everything is easier with you."

Laughing lightly, I once again embraced him, "You have gone soft."

He smirked and nodded, "Or I've just become the man I'm supposed to be. Not the hard killing machine that Jeanine tried to make me into."

"We'll go with that one."

He laughed, enveloping me in his arms, his breath warm against my face as he pressed his forehead against mine. He placed a kiss against it while I did the same to his chest. Wanting to go back to our room, he suddenly tensed. He tensed to the point where his grip on me was almost painful. Instinctively gripping him tighter, I met his eyes.

"You need to go." He said as he turned and pushed me away from him.

"Eric, what is it?" I asked gripping his arms.

"Baby, I need you to go. Go back to headquarters. Go to our room and I'll come as soon as I can."

"Eric." I said gripping him tighter.

"Eric." Another voice said and he straightened, his grip on me tightening, though distance entered his eyes.

I recognized the voice. His mother. Swiftly moving closer to him, I took his head in my hands. "It's okay." I told him. "It's okay, Eric. I'm right here." He was staring at me and I could see the fear in his eyes. "Baby, I'm right here. I won't let anything happen to you."

"I haven't talked to them or laid eyes on them since I defected." He told me.

"Eric!" A male voice now yelled. His father.

His hands were shaking as he gripped my forearms, shutting his eyes tightly. I was sure he was hoping this was some sort of dream. That they couldn't really be here. But this was their home. It had been a miracle that we hadn't had a run in with them yet. Only now Erudite was destroyed and I was sure they knew that Eric had helped.

"You go back to the room and let me handle this." I told him. "You don't have to talk to them."

"I'm not a coward." He whispered.

In the next second there was a hand on his shoulder, jerking him around. Reaching for him, his mother stepped forward and before I could react, slapped him across his face. His eyes grew wide and he brought his fingers to his cheek. In the matter of five seconds Eric went from a strong former leader of Dauntless to the child who had been beaten by his parents. Rushing around him, I pushed him backward, putting my other hand out in front of me, ready for anything.

"Back off." I told them.

"Who the fuck are you?" His father shot at me, stepping toward me.

For being Erudite, both of them looked like they belonged in the slums with the factionless. There was the stench of alcohol on his breath. I suddenly realized why Eric barely drank and never once had gotten drunk. He didn't want to become his father. My respect for him grew and I wanted nothing more than to protect him from them. They would never touch him again.

"I told you to back off." I glared up at him.

I hadn't gotten a good look at him before and now he was so close to me I could see the pores on his face. His hair was the same brown that Eric's was. Their brows were the same. He had the same blue eyes as the man I loved. But there was no love in them. There was no kindness. He towered over me just as Eric had in the past. It was intimidating but something I was used to. And his build wasn't nearly as impressive as Eric's.

"Kent." His mother said with a short tone.

The man backed up and I looked at her. She was shorter than I remembered her being from Eric's fear landscape. Her hair was darker, pulled back in a tight bun at the back of her head. She was thin and was wearing horn rimmed glasses that made her look uglier than she really was. They nearly covered the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes. One would think from smiling but I had a feeling her story was far darker. Her eyes were a deep brown and menacing as they bored into me.

"Who do you think you are?" She asked me.

"I'm the person who is going to stop you from ever touching him again." I replied with venom.

"That's my boy." She replied. "I can touch him if I want."

"Faction before blood." I told her. "He stopped being your boy when he chose Dauntless. Now you're just the animals that beat him."

In the next second a fist was flying toward my face. Leaning out of reach, his father stumbled forward. Eric hadn't moved, but he moved now, lunging for his father. Spinning, I put my hands against his chest, gently pushing him back.

"It's okay." I told him.

"You little whore!" His father yelled at me.

Eric pushed against me again. "Don't." I told him. He met my eyes, calming, and stepped back. "You don't know me." I said turning back to his parents. "And you sure as hell don't know him."

"He's a traitor to his faction."

"No he's not." I stated.

"He's worthless." His mother shot at him.

Moving past defensive and straight to pissed off, I stepped forward and punched her hard in the mouth. She stumbled backward, falling to the ground. I took pleasure in the red that coated her teeth. The drop that slowly spilled over her lip and ran the length of her chin. Smiling, I was ready for more. It'd been a long time since I'd had a decent fight. This wasn't a fair fight but I could feel my adrenaline start to kick in, wanting to hurt her, wanting to cause her pain. Taking a step forward, I froze, being interrupted.

"Pen!" Tori yelled again, breaking through the red I was seeing. Looking at her, I stepped back, breathing hard as I made sure I was in front of Eric. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." I said, standing unmoving with my eyes still on the couple in front of me.

"This Dauntless bitch just hit my wife!" Kent yelled.

"Was it provoked?" Tori asked and looked at me.

I nodded at her, rubbing my knuckles, "Damn straight it was."

Tori took in me and Eric and then the assholes across from us. I could see her tense before nodding, "Pen, get him out of here." Her voice was demanding. Nodding, I took Eric's hand pulling him with me as I walked away. "I'll handle this." She added, sounding like she was just as ready for a fight as I was.

Not waiting to watch, I kept Eric's hand tightly in mine as we walked back toward headquarters. Once we reached it, I swiftly moved him through the halls until we were in the room we'd been given. Moving him through the door first, I closed and locked it behind us. All my anger had disappeared, being replaced with worry. Turning to him, I watched him closely. He was still tense and I could see the fast, deep breaths he was taking by the rise and fall of his shoulders. After everything I honestly didn't think I'd ever meet his parents. I didn't want to meet them. They were a source of pain I'd never seen in him. I saw it in his landscape and immediately following it, but for some reason seeing him right now was so much worse. Before it was just a bad memory. A part of his past that he was more than willing to forget. Only now it was staring him in the face, alive and tangible. He wasn't ready for this.

"What do you need?" I asked him softly, moving toward him.

"I'm not a coward." He replied softly, his back still to me.

Moving around him, I took his hands, "No, baby, you're not." He wouldn't meet my eyes, a distance in them I hadn't seen in a long time. "Eric, look at me." He kept staring. Remembering. "Eric." I said taking his head in my hands. "Look at me."

His eyes slowly moved to mine. For a moment he held them, then a deep frown crossed his face. "She hit me." He stated. "I swore I'd never let her hit me again."

"She never will." I told him, pulling him to me so our foreheads were touching. "She will never touch you again. Not while I'm here."

"I'm Dauntless. I shouldn't have let her hit me." He said with a small voice.

I could picture him as a teenager, vowing to himself that he would never let it happen again. He left them to get away from them and now he was back in his old faction, his parents appearing out of nowhere, treating him like no time had passed. His expression and the sound of his voice was breaking my heart. I just wanted to hold him and let him scream or cry or do whatever he had to do to deal with this.

In the next second he'd pulled away from me, gripping the lamp and launched it across the room. It hit the window, making it spider, before crashing to the ground. The nightstands followed, then he gripped the bed and with one fluid movement he flipped it, letting out a cry that made me shudder. Then he turned to the desk, the small lamp hitting the same window as the other, sending more cracks along its surface. He swiped everything off of it before picking it up and tossing it over the bed. I could feel the wind from it as it moved past me.

With nothing else to break or throw he stood in the middle of the room, breathing hard, as he looked at what he'd done. Then he met my eyes, a desperation in them I'd never seen before. Swiftly moving to him, he fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around my center as he cried into me. I could feel each one move through me, making me grip him tighter, whispering soft words to him.

When he was calmer, I got him to his feet, seeing red smear across my arm. Without saying anything, I led him to the bathroom, sitting him on the lid of the toilet. Going out into the main room, I ripped a piece of the sheet off. Cleaning the cut along the palm of his hand, I wrapped the fabric around it, tying it tightly. Pressing a kiss against his forehead, I told him to wait there, returning to the main room and started to clean up. Only a few minutes passed when there was knocking on the door. Sighing, I slowly walked to it, opening it to see Four, Tris, Claude and Terra.

"Is he okay?" Claude asked.

Tears filled my eyes and I didn't trust my voice so I simply shook my head. Four wrapped me in his arms, pressing a kiss against my forehead before going toward the bathroom. This was familiar territory for both of them. I listened for his voice but everyone was quiet. Claude wrapped her arms around me, letting me cry into her. Tris and Terra didn't pause long before they started to clean up the room. Taking a deep breath, I pushed all my emotions aside. This wasn't about me. It was about him. About what he needed.

"Are you okay?" Claude asked as we flipped the bed back up.

Shaking my head, I put my hands on my hips as soon as it was righted. "She hit him, Claude." I told her. Even Tris and Terra stopped and turned their heads toward me. Claude looked like she was going to break down at any moment. "She hasn't seen her son in eight years and the first thing she does is hit him."

"I knew they were abusive but..." She said trailing off.

"Me too." I nodded. "But it's been eight years. Despite how they treated him before, you'd think they might be a little happy to see their son."

"Apparently not." Claude replied sadly.

Then we heard Eric yelling, making me cringe at the sound. I couldn't make out a lot of it and I honestly didn't want to. For a long moment I stared at the bathroom door, wanting to be there for him but knowing that I couldn't fully understand what he was feeling. But Four could. He'd been through this before and he knew exactly what Eric was feeling and thinking. He'd be able to help Eric more than me.

"He's reverting." I told her, finally turning away from the door, bending down over the broken lamp so I could pick up the pieces. "And I'm terrified for him. It sent him back to when he was a kid and they hit him all the time."

"He'll be okay." Tris told me gently.

Looking at her, I attempted to nod. "But he's Eric, Tris." I told her. "He's strong and capable. He can be cold and manipulative and used to be the most hated in Dauntless but now he's –" I stopped taking a slow deep breath. "He's kind and gentle. He's not that little boy anymore. I've never seen him like this before."

Tris stepped up to me, meeting my eyes with a sure look, "He'll be okay."

There was a long moment of silence before Claude broke it, "How do they compare to his fear landscape?"

"They're exactly the same. And that just makes it worse." I felt the tears returning, biting the side of my bottom lip to try and keep them at bay. "His mom told me that he was worthless. She said the same in his landscape. His mind didn't have to make them worse in his landscape, because they -" I started but paused, my throat constricting. "They are exactly the way I saw them and it's just..." I started but stopped, not knowing exactly what I wanted to say.

"Are you hurt?" Terra asked picking up my arm.

"No." I told her. "It's Eric's. He cut his palm."

Terra nodded, gently playing with my hair as I touched his blood, suddenly mesmerized with it. Then there was movement as Eric and Four came out of the bathroom. "Hey." I smiled at him, hoping I looked put together.

"I'm going to borrow him for a while." Four told me.

Eric was just standing there staring at the floor. Stepping up to him, I took his hand. He immediately squeezed it, meeting my eyes. "Can we have a minute?" I asked while keeping Eric's eyes.

"Of course." Four said and stepped out of the room with Tris while Claude and Terra disappeared into the bathroom.

Taking a deep breath, I offered him a smile, "You go and do whatever it is that you need to do." He nodded at me. "Just remember that I'm here for you. No matter what you need. You can yell at me, you can cry, you can sit in silence, you can do whatever you want just -" I said and paused, my voice getting louder than what I wanted. "Just come home to me so I can hold you." I added with a soft tone. "Don't disappear."

He took my head in his hands, kissing me deeply. "I love you, Pen. All I need is you."

"And all I need is you." I smiled. "I love you, so much, Eric. And I am so sorry."

"Don't be." He told me. "I know who they are and what they're like. I'm the one who's sorry for letting you see it."

"No, Eric." I frowned at him. "Don't ever apologize. I am yours. I want to know everything about you. The good and the bad. The past and the present."

"And you're my future." He told me. "I want that more than anything. The good, the bad, and everything that comes with it." Smiling again, I kissed him. "I don't even want to go with Four. I'd rather stay here and do that whole hold me thing." He said finally cracking a smirk.

"Then why are you?" I asked. "Because I am all for the holding you part too."

He looked toward the door. "It's more for him."

"In this moment it's not about him though. It's about you and facing your parents after eight years and them being exactly the same." I told him, suddenly annoyed with Four.

He met my eyes, running his hand down my hair. "It's okay, Pen. I'm okay."

"You should have seen you ten minutes ago when I thought you were going to disappear inside your own head."

"No." He said running his hand down my hair again, still smirking. "I just needed to get some of that pent up shit off my chest."

"You can do that with me you know." I stated with a raised brow.

He nodded, "I know."

"So tell Four you'd like to stay here."

"No." He said and kissed me deeply. Whenever his lips touched mine I melted and was willing to give him whatever he wanted. "I won't be gone long."

"You say that but for all you know he'll just go get you drunk, get into a bunch of antics, and then drop you off here a sputtering mess." I told him still feeling annoyed.

He snaked his arm around me, pulling me against him. "Evelyn won't let that happen. She has her eye on everything and everyone."

"And if Four told her that you and him were going to get drunk and talk about your abusive parents, do you really think she'll stop you?"

"No, probably not." He said with his lips against my jawline.

Shuddering, I leaned into him, my arm wrapped around his while the other found his neck. "I want you here." I whispered. "All I'm going to do is worry about you."

"I'll be with Four. How much trouble can I get into?"

"A lot." I stated.

He chuckled softly, pressing his lips to mine. "I love you, woman."

"I love you." I replied. He let me go, much to my displeasure, smiling as he went to the door. "Please don't do anything stupid." He just winked and opened the door. "Eric." I said sternly. He was already gone. Sighing, rubbing between my brows with my fingertips, Tris stepped up to me. "If Four gets him into trouble I swear to god I'm going to hurt him."

"Eric will be fine." She said and put her arm around me.

"I know." I nodded.

"He's already fine." Tris stated. "He didn't even look upset anymore."

I nodded again, "He's tough. But he doesn't have to be."

"He's Eric, Pen. It's in his nature to be tough. Even when he doesn't have to be."

"Claude!" I called out to her. There was a bang and she and Terra came out looking guilty. "Seriously?" I said with a raised brow.

"Sorry." Claude replied bashfully.

Shaking my head, I went to the bed, starting to remake it. She swiftly helped while Tris and Terra finished straightening everything else out. As soon as it was done, Claude and Terra put it upon themselves to go get food to bring back, leaving me alone with Tris. We weren't alone together often.

"Do you really think he's okay?" Tris asked.

I was standing in front of the broken window, one arm wrapped around myself, my elbow of the other sitting on top of it. Biting my thumbnail, I didn't even turn to look at her. It had been over an hour since Claude and Terra left and the room was too quiet.

"You don't have to stay here you know." I replied, finally turning toward her.

"I know." She replied.

"And I don't know." I told her sitting on the bed next to her. "He seems okay, but I didn't have a lot of time with him to figure out where his head was at."

For a long moment we just stared at the white wall in front of us. "That's a very blank wall." She stated.

"Yeah, I hate it."

"Here." She said holding out a marker. "It was on the desk."

Smiling, I took it, getting off the bed and moving to the wall. Turning to the desk, I grabbed another marker, tossing it at her. "Join me."

"I'm not an artist." She smiled at me, shaking her head.

"How do you know?" I asked. "Have you ever drawn anything before?"

"No." She admitted.

"Then get your ass off that bed and come draw something." I told her authoritatively.

She just looked at me a moment before getting up and stepping up to the wall. "Where do you start?"

Uncapping the marker, I put the side of my hand against the wall, thinking a moment. "I don't know. When it comes to this you just start and see what happens."

She nodded, mimicking me, and stared at the wall. Then her hand moved and she put the first marks against it. Smiling, laughing lightly, I nodded at the heart she had made. She smiled back and before I knew it she was filling up more of the wall than I was. Simplifying my own art, we started to fill up the wall. Drawing was a de-stressor and we both could use a little less stress.

"What does Four do to help with what his father did to him?" I asked after a while.

"He doesn't talk about his father." She replied.

"But now that they've been forced to be around each other, he doesn't need to release any pent up emotion or anything?"

"Not really." She replied. "He came to terms with that a long time ago."

"I know that." I frowned, pausing. "But he never says anything or does anything? He simply goes about his business?"

"Yeah." She nodded, pausing as well. "But Marcus didn't re-enter Tobias's life by yelling his name and hitting him. If that happened I think he would have reacted a lot differently. Eric is a lot like Four and I think he deals with it in a similar way. Out of sight out of mind." I nodded my agreement. "But Eric's parents are worse than Marcus. They are horrible people who treat him like a stray dog that keeps eating their garbage. I don't envy him. Or you."

"Why me?" I frowned.

"Because they'll be your in-laws." She smirked.

Laughing, it was the first time the subject had even come up since I'd asked Eric to marry me. I'd honestly forgotten about it. Then, for some reason, my laughing turned to crying and I slouched to the floor, my back against the wall.

"What did I say?" Tris frowned, kneeling next to me.

"Nothing." I told her. "I don't know why I'm crying." She got an odd look on her face. Frowning, she raised her brows and sighed. "No." I told her, finally catching on. "Not a chance."

"Really?" She asked.

The crying was already over and now I was just glaring at her. "No."

"Okay." She smiled. "Then get up, dust yourself off, and lets finish this wall."

Doing as I was told, I stood and faced the wall again. "It's kind of fun, isn't it?"

"You know, it really kind of is." She smiled.

"I am so sorry!" Claude yelled as she burst through the door. Then she froze, taking us in. "What are you doing?"

"Drawing." Tris stated. "And we're starving. What the hell took you so long?"

Claude shrugged with a big grin on her face. I just shook my head at her, "I don't think you want the answer to that."

Taking a break to eat, Claude didn't linger long. I wasn't alone and I was doing just fine. It was good for her to spend time with Terra. The next step in all of this was unknown and we needed to enjoy the moments we had now. Which I would have loved to do with Eric but he was currently more than likely getting into trouble.

When the sun had set, the wall was nearly fully covered, and Tris and I were sitting on the bed feeling anxious. I had a pad of paper in my lap, doodling on it with a pencil, the side of my hand and fingertips smeared with silver.

"Should we be worried?" Tris finally asked. "It's been hours."

"Yes." I replied, getting a look from her. "Hey, I'm just as worried, if not more so, than you are." Then I tossed the pad and pencil on the bed in front of me as hard as I could. "I'm freaking out, Tris!" I yelled putting my head in my hands.

"Hey, I'm sorry." She said calmly.

"No." I said shaking my head. "I'm sorry. But I really am freaking out. What are they doing?"

"Do you think Eric will want to confront his parents?" She asked gently. My stomach dropped and I suddenly felt nauseous. "We should go look for them."

I was off the bed before she'd finished speaking. Both of us rushing toward the door, my hand shaking as I reached for the handle. Opening it, we both stopped, looking at Tori who had been about to knock. "Pen. Tris."

"What did they do?" I asked her.

"Nothing you're gonna like." She stated.


	5. Support

**Chapter Five: Support **

With my heart beating a mile a minute, we followed Tori toward the Erudite med area. My mind was already moving through all the worst case scenarios. Picturing how much blood their might be, how many bruises, how many marks against his skin that would send me into a blind rage at whoever touched him. I could see the same expression on Tris's face. Both of us were holding it together but inside we were writhing with the possibility of something catastrophic happening to the men we loved.

"I'm freaking out now." Tris told me softly. Again, I couldn't trust my voice so I simply nodded at her. "Pen." She said making me look at her. "Tell me they're okay."

Furrowing my brows at her, it took me a long time to answer her, "They're gonna be okay." Tori looked at me over her shoulder. "What happened?" I asked her.

"Let's just get to them and then I'll explain."

"Why can't you explain now?" Tris shot at her.

"Because I need both of you to see them first. You'll be less likely to rush off and do something stupid if you see that they're okay."

"They are okay then?" I asked. She didn't say anything. I gripped her arm, making her look at me, "Tori."

She put her arm around me, rubbing mine comfortingly. "Eric's in a little rougher shape than Four. But he's gonna be okay." Biting my lip to try not to cry, I nodded at her. "He's gonna be okay, Pen. It's just a bump in the road. One that I've been trying to keep quiet." I nodded again. "You'll understand when you see him. Then I'll explain." I nodded again. "I love you, Pen. Everything is going to be okay."

"Love you too." I said quietly, leaning my head against hers.

Stepping through the doors, there were a few people lying in beds, with two others whose curtains were drawn. Looking at Tori, she nodded, running her hand down my hair as I stepped away from her. Tris was next to me until I rushed forward, slipping into the curtain closest to me.

"Pen." Four said sitting up straighter.

I just frowned at him before pulling the curtain back and slipped into the next one. The smell of alcohol hit my nostrils before I'd even finished stepping through. Tears were immediately in my eyes as I looked at Eric. He looked like he was sleeping; cuts and bruises on his face and the knuckles of his right hand were all split open. Slowly stepping to him, I slipped my hand under his, gripping it tightly as I ran my hand along his hair.

"Baby, you're shaking." He frowned with a slight slur.

I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted to shake him and tell him how stupid he was being. But I couldn't do it. Instead I just cleared my throat, talking softly to him, "Yeah, I'm a little cold."

"Then lay down with me so I can warm you up." He commanded.

Smiling, I leaned down and kissed him sweetly, tasting the liquor on his lips. "I love you, baby."

"Mm, you taste good." He smirked, before he shot up, vomiting all over my front.

Gasping, it took only a second for me to put my hands on him, steadying him as the second wave hit. Sighing, rubbing his back, he coughed and spit the remainder from his mouth.

"That's better." He said leaning back.

Gripping him tightly, he passed out before his head hit the pillow. Gently lowering him, making sure he was comfortable, I ran my hand across his hair and down his face, as I once again took his hand in mine. Continuing the motion, I couldn't help but stare at him. Even now he was beautiful. Wiping the last of the vomit from his chin, I leaned down and kissed him, resting my forehead against his. Sighing, I leaned away, looking down at myself. I was covered from my stomach to my feet, smelling like rotting food and a shit ton of liquor. Kissing him once more, I turned and threw the curtain back and then did the same to Four's. Tris had her arms around him, whispering softly to him.

"Opie." He said holding out his hand.

"What did you do?" I shot at him.

"Opie, I'm sorry."

"Tobias Eaton." I said with venom. "What did you do? I will not repeat myself again."

"Things got a little...out of hand." He replied.

He smelled like alcohol as well but he wasn't slurring and I was pretty sure his stomach was fine. For a moment I imagined punching it, making him throw up as well, but then thought better of it.

"A little out of hand?" I frowned motioning to my vomit soaked clothes. "What the hell happened, Four?!" I was yelling now, the force of it making him jump and it was obvious his head was pounding. "Did he go after his parents?" He just looked at me with furrowed brows. "Did he pick a fight with someone? Did he take it out on a punching bag? Tell me what happened!"

"Pen." Tori said softly.

"No!" I yelled at her. "I want Tobias to tell me! Because I've never seen him drunk before because he has _never_ been drunk before! And now he's passed out from drinking too much! And I think you can tell by the look of me that he's not okay!"

"Pen, I'm sorry." Four told me again.

"You said that. I heard you. But that's not what I want to hear. I want you to tell me what happened." I told him as calmly as I could muster.

"Pen." Tori said again, gently gripping my hand.

Tears sprang to my eyes as I looked between her and Four. "Why won't you tell me what happened?"

"He did go to confront his parents." Tori told me.

Shock moved through me, making me cover my mouth to keep from screaming and sobbing at the same time. "Did they...?" I asked, pointing toward Eric.

Four sighed and nodded, making me scoff and pace away from him. "He fought back."

"Why would you let him do that?" I shot at him, rushing toward him and getting in his face. "What the hell were you thinking, Tobias?! You let him confront the people who beat him and then let them hurt him and then him them? What is the matter with you?!"

"Pen." He said looking at me sadly.

"Stop saying my name!" I yelled at him. "Ever since we left home you've been nothing like the man I love as a brother." I told him with a disappointed tone. "Who are you?"

"That's not fair." He frowned at me.

"You knew what he was thinking and feeling! You knew and you still let him confront them!"

"I thought that's what he needed!" He yelled back at me, getting to his feet. He was unstable, putting his hand on the edge of the bed as Tris steadied him. "He needed to confront them, talk to them, but I didn't know what they were really like."

"So that makes it okay?" I shot at him.

"You could have told me! You could have given me a little insight to them and I would have reacted differently."

Scoffing, I nodded at him, "So this is my fault?"

"I didn't say that!"

"You're clearly implying it!"

Tori took a step closer to us. "Okay, guys, calm down."

"Pen, I wouldn't have let him go there if I knew how malicious they were. They wanted to hurt him."

"What are you talking about?"

He sighed, bowing his head before meeting my eyes again. "Tris, please get her a chair."

She swiftly obliged and I dropped down into it as he sat on the edge of the bed. Putting my elbows on my knees, I pressed my hand against my forehead, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. Though the smell of Eric's vomit was anything but calming. Then I laced my fingers in front of me as I looked up at Four again, meeting his eyes expectantly. He sighed as he bent a leg, sitting on the bed again.

"Just tell me what happened, Tobias." I told him gently.

He nodded, "He was already drunk when it happened. It didn't take long since he's not a big drinker."

"Not a big drinker?" I interrupted him. "He doesn't ever drink!"

''Opie." He frowned. "Please just let me explain."

"Fine." I shot at him, motioning for him to go on.

He raised a brow at me before he went on. "He wanted to talk to his parents and since I wasn't drunk I thought I could handle it." He paused and it was clear that he had been wrong. "His dad was drunk when we got there. Eric asked them what he did to deserve the abuse they'd given him. That was the only question he asked. In the next moment his dad was beating him while his mom laughed." He paused again, watching the tears slide down my cheeks. For a moment I couldn't breathe, staring at Four until it passed, nodding at him. "It happened so fast, Opie. But since Eric was drunk he fought back. He hit him twice. His mother came to help but he shoved her to the floor, a string of curses and insults being thrown at him. I grabbed him and pulled him back, but he was already realizing what was happening and he took off. I lost him for maybe a half hour, passing a few wounded Dauntless and even more factionless before I found him punching the shit out of a brick wall."

"His hand." I whispered, nodding at him.

He nodded, "He was bleeding pretty good for a while."

"How long have you been here?"

"A few hours. Tori wanted to get him cleaned up before she went and got you."

"Has he been given any fluids?"

"He drank a couple glasses of water."

Nodding, I stood, turning back to look at Eric. "I should start an IV."

"Someone else can do that." Tori told me gently.

"No." I said shaking my head as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I want to do it."

Tris put her hand on my arm, "We should get you cleaned up."

"I'm not leaving him." I replied quickly.

"I'll stay with him." Tori told me. "I won't leave his side."

Nodding, I looked at Tris, "Okay."

"We won't be long." She told Four, kissing him, running her hand along his chest before putting her arm around me.

Leading me back to my room, the broken window was the only evidence that something had happened. Tris led me to the bathroom, making sure I had everything I needed before she stood there looking anxious. For a second I just looked at her, enjoying when she was anxious.

"Will you help me?" I asked her.

For just a moment her eyes grew wide and then she was pushing her hair behind her ears, "Yeah."

Laughing, the feeling amazing in this moment, I put my hand on her arm, "I'm just kidding."

I could see the relief fill her, "Oh thank god."

"But if you'll wait for me, I'd appreciate it."

"Of course." She told me.

"Thank you, Tris. I really do appreciate it."

"Hey, you're family, Pen." She smiled.

Moving to hug her, I stopped, looking down at myself. Instead I put my hand on her arm, "I'm glad we're family."

"Me too." She said and left, closing the door behind her.

Stripping, throwing the clothes away, I stepped into the shower, looking down at the spot where we had fought and reconnected. All over the little girl in the next room. Showering quickly, I thought I'd have a breakdown moment and need to cry, but I felt calmer. At the same time my heart was aching for Eric. For what he was going through. I didn't know how to help him through this one. I didn't know what he needed from me.

When I was done, I went into the next room and quickly grabbed clothes while Tris tried to keep her eyes averted from me. Smiling, I had pulled on underwear and a bra before I turned to her, raising a brow questioningly. It was clear there was a question moving around in her mind. Or at least an observation.

"I didn't realize you had so many tattoos."

"I worked in the Parlor. Of course I have a lot of tattoos."

"You don't show them off very much."

Sighing as I pulled up my jeans, I rested my hands on my hips, "My tattoos are my story. They all have meaning to them and all span from a moment in my life."

"Do you have one for Eric?" She asked.

"Not yet. But I will." I smiled. Pulling on a long-sleeved black V-neck, I grabbed my bag and started to put things inside of it.

Tris watched me before asking, "What are you doing?"

"I'm grabbing him the things he'll want." I told her. "I have clothes I'll change him into. Toothbrush. Toothpaste. I have his book."

"His book?" She frowned.

"He's from Erudite. He does read."

"I suppose."

"You know, I never really noticed his reading habits." I smirked at her, looking at the book. "I think I unconsciously ignored it since he was a former Erudite who was hunting me. But now that things have worked out, he enjoys reading. Not to learn more but to enjoy it. He reads fiction. Usually some sort of thriller or mystery, the occasional fantasy or science fiction, and the rare drama."

"He reads and you draw." She smiled.

"Yeah." I nodded. "And he might be in there a while so it'll be nice if he has something to occupy his time."

A frown crossed her face, "Where are you gonna be?"

Meeting her eyes, I didn't say anything. I was going to be there and yet part of me wanted to seek out his parents and teach them a lesson that they would not soon forget. He needed to be protected. There was little he needed to be protected from, but his parents were definitely a part of his life that he needed to be protected from. I told him they would never touch him again and in the same day I'd failed. I wasn't there. He got drunk and confronted them and I wasn't there.

"Don't do it, Pen." She told me.

Blinking repeatedly, I started to move again, "I wasn't thinking anything."

"You were, Pen." She said sadly. "You were. And you can't. Let it go right now or you will make things worse."

Meeting her eyes, I nodded, "I know. But they can't get away with this. I need to protect him."

"I know you do, Pen. But going up against his parents will bring not only Tori on your head but Evelyn as well."

"Hell, Evelyn loves me." I frowned at her, making my way to the door.

Tris crossed her arms, "Lucky you."

Evelyn had no love for Tris and I knew that, making me feel guilty. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She stated. "I know that she doesn't like me."

"Still..." I said and scuffed my shoe against the floor.

"Don't worry about it. We should get back." She replied with a small smile.

Nodding, we left again, swiftly making our way back to the med area. It seemed like the news of what happened had spread, eyes watching us, followed by whispers from everyone we passed. I wasn't surprised and yet I wanted to punch every last one of them. I needed the training room. Our training room. The needed the faded black overused punching bags and the scent of sweat and blood and excitement and adrenaline. I needed a release and it didn't seem like I was going to get one. Not here.

As soon as we were in the med area, Tris moved toward Four, while I swiftly went to Eric. "How's he doing?" I asked Tori, setting the bag in an empty chair, running my hand along his hair as I leaned over him. I knew I was staring but I couldn't help myself. I could stare at him forever.

"He's sleeping soundly." She replied.

Looking at his arm, an IV had been placed. "Who did this?" I frowned.

Tori's eyes darted to mine, nervousness in them, though a smile remained on her face. "One of their nurses. She did very well."

Taking a deep breath, I nodded, "Okay." Watching her relax, I couldn't help but smile. "I'm not going to fly off the handle or anything."

"I'm ready for anything." She smiled. "If you want to fly off the handle we can do that."

"I don't." I told her. "I already yelled at Four. I'm okay for right now."

The curtain moved and both Tris's and Four's face appeared. Four was propped up, looking at me warily. "She's not okay." Tris stated.

Tori frowned at me. Sighing, I shrugged, "I'm okay. I just need a release."

"She wants to confront his parents."

"No." Tori said matter-of-factly.

My calm was swiftly replaced with anger, "Something needs to be done, Tori."

"Something will be done." She nodded softly.

"Look at him." I said pointing at him. "He's hurt and drunk and half of the man he usually is. This cannot happen. I will not let this happen. If I even see them look his way I swear to god I will kill them. I will kill them and not bat an eye. I'll kill them with a smile on my face."

"Pen." Evelyn's voice said forcefully, making both Tori and me look at her. "A word?" She added with a raised brow.

"I'm not going anywhere right now." I shot at her.

"Pen." Evelyn said again.

"You say my name like that's all it takes to make me listen to you." I frowned at her, gripping Eric's hand. "I am more concerned about my boyfriend right now. I have no desire to speak with you."

"It concerns him and what happened tonight." She stated, her tone turning dark. "Please accompany me to my office so we can discuss it."

"I was with him." Four said standing up. He was ready to pull the IV from his arm if he had to. "I can tell you what happened." She looked at him and he swiftly backed down. I knew that look. Four's had the same effect on me. He met my eyes, sighed, and nodded at me.

Turning to Eric, I leaned down and kissed him sweetly, "I'll be right back, baby. I love you."

Tori took his hand from mine, holding it tightly in hers, "I'll keep watch over him."

"Are you sure?" I asked her. "Would he be keeping you from anything?"

She shook her head, "No. Even if he was it wouldn't matter. He's family."

"Thank you." I said wrapping my arm around her neck.

Looking at Evelyn, she didn't smile as she turned away, leading me down the familiar hallways to her office. Trailing my fingers along the spines of the books as I passed, she quietly closed the door behind me. I was starting to hate this office. I'd been in here too much and right now I was only concerned with one thing, and that was Eric. Now, if she had a plan for his parents or gave me free rein to kill them, then this might be an okay visit. If it was to scold me, I'd get that release I'd been looking for.

"What can I do for you, Evelyn?" I frowned at her, dropping into a slouch in one of the chairs.

She looked at me with slightly narrowed eyes. It was like she was gauging me to see what I was going to do. Keeping her eyes, I waited for her to say something. She wouldn't have dragged me all the way here if she didn't have something she wanted to say. If that was the case, it would be another reason to get that release I'd been looking for.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I leaned forward, my elbows on my knees. "Listen, if I wanted a stare down I could've stayed in the med area. What do you want, Evelyn? I am in no mood to deal with you right now. I'm worried about Eric and it makes me anxious being apart from him."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because he's going through something hard and I need to be there for him."

"You need to be there for him." She repeated. "But he doesn't need you to get through it?"

Furrowing my brows at her, I slightly turned my head away from her as I kept her eyes. "I suppose not."

"You left him in the care of my son and look how that turned out."

"Are you trying to piss me off?" I shot at her, ready to storm out or beat the shit out of her.

"No." She replied shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I didn't ask you here to start a confrontation."

"Then why am I here?"

"I want to help you." She stated.

"Do what?"

There was a long pause before she replied, her voice gentle, "Keep Eric safe." Surprised by her words, I relaxed a little, my expression softening. "I know exactly what you're feeling. Exactly what he's feeling. I understand your position and the need to protect him."

"I know you do." I nodded. "But unlike you, I'm not going to run."

Something flickered in her eyes and for a moment I thought this was going to go bad quickly. But she simply smiled and nodded, "I know. Another reason I want to help you. You're nothing like me, Pen. I think that's part of your appeal. But the love you have for Eric is real and it is beautiful. It's obvious that you love each other and you don't find love like that often anymore." She paused, distance entering her eyes as if she was remembering something. "In Abnegation there is no such thing as public displays of affection. You don't touch skin unless you're in your bedroom and only after you're married. Courting is something that just isn't done because that would be self-indulgent. Displays of affection would be boasting. Endearing conversation would be inappropriate. You've been lucky to be in Dauntless. You get to experience things and be open with your feelings."

"I was never able to be open about my feelings." I told her before she could go on. "Not where Eric was concerned. Everyone hated him and disapproved of my relationship with him. I nearly cut ties with my entire family to be with Eric. I wouldn't call that open."

"But you and Eric were open with each other. You grazed flesh. You kissed. You held hands. It's still more than most get."

"But sometimes it's not enough when everyone and everything around you falls apart because of it."

"But you'd have him."

I nodded, "And I would love to say that that was enough. That he was all I needed and that nothing else mattered. But it matters, Evelyn. People matter. The only person I _really_ need is Eric. But it wouldn't be a life I'd choose. I need Tobias. I need Claude. I need Tori. I need my family. The people in our lives are what shape who we are. Without them I wouldn't be as carefree or strong or competitive or put together for that matter. We need each other to grow and become better people." I told her, sighing. "If I only had Eric we would be happy." I nodded at her. "For a while anyway. But we're not made for a life like that. We need people to surround us. Not just me. He does too. I need someone to bitch about him to and vice versa." I ended with a smile. She nodded, staring at me. "So how are you going to help me?"

"You're a bit different, aren't you?"

"Excuse me?" I frowned at her.

"Your Divergence is showing." She stated.

Scoffing, I shook my head, "Because I can spout shit that everyone should already know?"

"Because most would never think that. People do what they've been taught by their faction and that's where it ends. Nobody thinks the way you do."

"They do. They're just too afraid to say anything. The people who lead them have given them more than enough reasons to be afraid." I shot at her with a harsher tone than I had intended. "Tell me what you dragged me here to say. I want to get back to Eric as soon as possible."

"You left him in capable hands."

"I want to be there when he wakes up." I went on.

We stared at each other for a long moment before she took a deep breath, averting her eyes. "I can arrange a meeting with you and his parents."

"Why?" I asked with narrowed eyes.

"Because it's obvious that you'll do it on your own and I'd prefer we do it on neutral ground where you can yell all you want but no physical damage will be done."

"I'm looking to cause pain, Evelyn. I don't know if talking will suffice."

"It'll have to if you want me to set this up."

"I didn't ask you to set anything up." I told her.

She smiled at me sadly, "You're hurting, Pen. I can see that. But you need to accept that things are different."

"I do accept it." I shot at her. "My life has been turned upside down because of all this. You're talking to the wrong person if you want to lecture about how different things are."

She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the desk, looking at her hands as she laced them together. "This isn't going well."

"What did you expect?" I shot at her. "For me to bow down and kiss your feet in thanks for your kindness?"

"I have been kind to you, Pen. You'll see how kind when I take it all from you."

"It's an apartment and a bathroom. I think we'd survive without it." I told her calmly.

She scoffed and shook her head. "Are you making this hard because I am in a position of authority or because you despise me?"

"I don't despise you." I told her with a frown. "I don't agree with the majority of your decisions but I don't despise you. And I don't care that you're in a position of authority. At the end of the day you're as dispensable as the rest of us."

We had another stare down, making my annoyance grow. I was just about to get up and leave, when she spoke again. "Do you want the meeting or not?"

"I'll think about it." I told her, getting to my feet. She just looked at me. "Am I not allowed to think about it? I'd like to discuss it with Eric before I decide."

"Why?"

"Because we're partners." I frowned at her. "If he has legitimate reasons for wanting me to stay away from them, then I will. Hell, even if he doesn't, all he has to do is ask me not to. I won't do it behind his back. We didn't come this far to start distrusting each other."

"Like Tobias and Tris?" She replied nonchalantly.

My frown deepened as I stepped toward the desk. "You don't know him anymore, Evelyn. You never did. You abandoned him, leaving him with his abusive father. You no longer have the right to anything going on in his life without his permission. More than that, you don't know anything about their relationship."

"Do you?"

"Better than you do." She nodded. Crossing my arms, I sighed, bowing my head. "Why am I really here? What are you hoping to get out of me?"

"Nothing." She said shaking her head. "I just wanted to help."

Cracking a smile, I shook my head at her, "You suck at helping."

She laughed loudly, and nodded, "I'm gathering that."

Taking a seat again, I propped my elbows on my knees, rubbing my hands together. When I spoke my tone was calm, not wanting to fight with her anymore. "I appreciate you wanting to help. I really do. But I've spent the last five years with this idea of you in my head and it's hard to let that go. I know you understand the situation. Better than I do. It's still new to me. All I know is that I need to defend him. Especially in this. And to have him get drunk and go after them without me pisses me off more than I can say." Pausing, getting angry again, I took a deep breath to steady myself. "I should have been there. He's never been drunk. He hardly ever gets buzzed. That's just not who he is. I now know why. It all spans from his parents. I hate them for it and I need to do something about it."

She smiled and nodded, "Just let me know what you decide."

"I will." I nodded. "Thank you."

"You should get back to him." She told me, still smiling.

Nodding, I stood, walking to the door. Pausing with my hand on the handle, I turned back to her. "Thank you."

Her smile slightly grew, "You're welcome."

On the way back to the med area, I actually took my time. The whole encounter running through my mind. I didn't know what to think. About Evelyn or the offer she gave me. I didn't know what to say to Eric or to Four or to Tori. There wasn't really anything to say. It happened. I'd get back to her. That was it. If she thought this would bring me over to her side, she was going to be disappointed, but either way it was what it was.

Re-entering the med area, there was no sound, making my presence known almost immediately. I had barely made it halfway across the room when Tris appeared from where Four was resting. She crossed her arms and smiled at me. She was anxious. I was too afraid to ask her about it. Instead I just returned her smile, stepping up to her as I wrapped my arms around myself, rubbing my arm.

"You okay?" I asked her.

"I should be asking you that." She sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm getting more anxious the longer I'm in this room. We've spent too much time in rooms like these."

Smiling wider, I nodded, "Yes we have." Then Tori appeared. "How is he?"

"Still sleeping." She smiled.

"Good." I replied. "I wanted to be here when he woke up."

"Just don't yell at him right away." She told me, standing so close to me that our arms brushed. "He's gonna feel like crap."

I raised a brow and looked at the closed curtain that belonged to him, "He'll deserve it."

There was a long pause when no one said anything. Then Tori broke it, "Okay, I can't take it anymore. What did she want?"

"Nothing much." I replied.

"That's vague." Tris frowned.

"It's fine guys. I was more antagonistic than she was. And the topic of conversation was Eric and his parents."

"Did she give you any information on them?" Tori asked.

I shook my head, "It's not information that I need. I need to cause them pain."

"So it was an intervention." Tris stated and nodded.

"Sort of." I said with a shrug. "She offered to set up a meeting between me and them."

"And?" Tori and Tris replied in unison.

"And I told her I'd think about it." I replied nonchalantly. But I knew they'd see right through that.

"You'd think about it..." Tori said slowly with furrowed brows and slightly narrowed eyes.

"Yes." I said shortly. "I told her I would think about it."

"Why?" Tris asked. "Isn't that what you want?"

"It is." I nodded. "Or at least I thought it was what I wanted. But sitting there, yelling at her, I realized that it's not about me. It's not about what I want. It's about Eric and what he wants. If he tells me to stay away from them then by god I'm staying away from them. If he okays it, then yes, I'll meet with them. If he wants to be there to tell them everything he's ever wanted to, then so be it. But I want him to be the final say. Because I am not going to make it about me. It's about him." I said feeling the need to rush forward to him. Then I repeated what I'd told Evelyn, "We didn't come this far to start distrusting each other." Tori nodded in response while a look crossed Tris's face. "You guys are okay, Tris. You gotta give yourself the benefit of the doubt."

"I've lied to him. He doesn't forgive that easily." She replied sadly.

"He will when it comes to you." I told her matter-of-factly. "He loves you, Tris. You have become the most important thing in his life. You just need to trust him. He can handle anything you throw at him."

She sighed and nodded, "Yeah."

"Believe me, Tris. Because I'm telling you the truth. I don't lie to you."

She smirked, "That would take the fun out of your opinions towards me."

"Hey, they've changed considerably since we first met." I stated.

"I guess that's a good thing." She smirked.

Laughing lightly, I shook my head, "You're a pain in the ass."

"Just like you."

I nodded, putting my hand on her shoulder before walking to where Eric lay. Slipping past the curtain, I took him in. He was still sleeping soundly. Bruises were starting to appear and I couldn't help but wonder if it was his parents or from the Dauntless and factionless he'd fought with afterward. Either way, I hated it. We were used to cuts and bruises and fights...but this was different. This was worse. It felt like there was a bomb, hidden, slowly ticking down till it exploded.

Stepping up to his side, I rested my hand against his face, leaning down and kissed him sweetly. Pressing a kiss against his forehead, I sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed, taking his hand in mine. Staring at him, watching the rise and fall of his chest, the small noises he always made escaping him. Smiling, I ran my hand down his face, my thumb running across his jaw, trailing my fingers down his neck before resting my hand against his chest.

"You should get some sleep." Tori told me gently.

Nodding, I sighed, "I know."

"He'll probably sleep through the night." Nodding again, I stood and pulled the chair as close to his bed as I could get it. "Do you want me to get you a blanket?"

"No. I'll be fine." I smiled up at her.

Wrapping my arm around him, resting my head against his side, I held tight to his hand, using it partially as a pillow. Sighing, I shut my eyes, feeling Tori run her hands down my hair before placing a kiss against it. She gently rubbed my back, helping me to relax. Hearing her pull up a chair, she sat next to me, continuing to rub my back. She was so close to me that I could feel her warmth, making me sigh contentedly. Thinking I should thank her, sleep followed before I could form the words.


	6. Comfort

**Chapter Six: Comfort**

Yelling.

Lots and lots of yelling.

The voices weren't clear.

The scene blurry, coming in and out of focus.

When everything became clear, a full out brawl was taking place in front of me in the street outside Erudite headquarters. Frowning, looking behind me, I knew that that was where I needed to go. Starting to run down the street, taking side roads and alleys, the buildings passed by in blurs. But ahead of me, the route was clear. It was as if each turn I needed to make was the only one in focus. Despite the speed I was running, my breathing was even, my heart steady as I raced toward my destination.

Sliding into a small square, there was a door across from it, a pulse emitting from it like a beacon, calling me toward it. Stepping forward, there was no sound, not even the air was moving. Then the door opened of its own accord, letting loose the sounds from inside.

Eric was screaming.

Rushing forward through the door, I saw him and his parents. He was on his knees, his father striking him with a belt while his mother spit at him. Eric's face was agonized, his shoulders hunched, and his head bowed. Blood was dripping down the side of his face, a drop sliding down his arm. His shirt was ripped open, blood covering his skin. His father turned his head and looked at me, blood dripping from the end of the belt. His face contorted and in the next second fire burned across my cheek, feeling hot blood spill from the cut he'd just made.

A feral yell escaped me as I lunged at him, ripping the belt from his hands, swinging it toward him as I put myself between him and his son. He gripped it, punching the cut across my cheek. Screaming, I yanked on the belt, jerking him forward, before punching him hard across his cheek. Landing another blow to the side of his head, gripping his hair and slamming his face into my knee before shoving him to the floor. His wife was screaming now, lunging for me. But they weren't fighters, easily gripping her hair, I swung the belt, wrapping it around her neck and tightened it until she gasped for air.

Looking down at Eric, he was no longer the man I knew but a boy with sandy blond hair and blue eyes full of fear. Tears slid down his cheeks as he looked up at me. He thanked me, though the sound of his voice was slow as if now time itself was slowing down. He stood, smiling at me before he ran from the house. Looking at his mother, I jerked the belt, hearing a satisfying snap, watching as she fell to the ground. Looking at his father, he was attempting to scramble away from me. A gun appeared on a small table. I didn't hesitate to pick it up, stepping to his father who was now pleading as I kicked him over onto his back. Putting my foot against his chest, I didn't blink as I shot him three times in the head. Only one was needed but the rest were for good measure. Each one sending a jolt of pleasure through me.

Looking to the door, I rushed to follow Eric, stopping as soon as I'd passed the threshold. He stood in front of me, the man I loved, his hands in front of him, one gripping the wrist of the other. He was whole. The blood gone. A fond smile on his face. Stepping closer to him, I smiled, reaching my hand up and lightly trailed my fingers across his brow and down his face. He brought his hands up, his fingers against my cheeks as he tipped my head back with his thumbs. Leaning down he kissed me sweetly. Moving up onto my toes, I cemented his face to mine, my hand on the back of his head, deepening the kiss until I couldn't breathe.

"Thank you." He told me.

"I'd do anything for you."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

 _Pen_

Frowning, it was like a whisper. His voice but it wasn't coming for the man whose arms were around me.

 _Pen_

Turning from the Eric in front of me, stepping away from him, there was caressing against my cheek, despite him not touching me.

 _Baby_

The dream faded and I opened my eyes. Eric was smiling at me, now slightly propped up. Quickly standing, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, taking his hand.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." He told me softly.

Clearing my throat, I licked the sleep from my mouth, "How are you feeling?"

"Like crap." He smirked.

Nodding, I sighed, smiling at him as I ran my fingers through my hair, "That'll happen when you drink your weight in alcohol."

His smile disappeared and his brows furrowed. "I didn't mean to get drunk. It just sort of..."

"Happened." I nodded running my hand across his hair. He looked at me questioningly. "It's okay, baby."

"You're not mad?"

I gave a short laugh, "Oh I'm mad as hell. But I'm not going to lay into you until you've recovered." He nodded, sighing as the grip on my hand tightened. "I was worried about you."

"You always worry about me." He replied, smirking again.

"I do." I nodded. "But that's only because I love you so damn much."

He laughed lightly, meeting my eyes, "I love you, Pen."

Leaning down to kiss him, he stopped me. "What is it?" I asked.

"My mouth tastes like ass. There's no way I'm letting you kiss me right now."

Raising a brow at him, I took his head in my hands and kissed him before he could stop me. Parting his lips with my tongue, he couldn't resist me, kissing me back. Leaning away from him with a vivacious smirk, he just grinned and shook his head. Then a frown crossed his face as he shifted. Something must have dawned on him, he leaned his head back against the pillow, his jaw clenching.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"Nothing." He replied. "Is Four awake?"

"Eric, what is it?" I repeated, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

"No!" He yelled.

Frowning, I felt the bed, feeling dampness. Looking up at him, he was staring at the ceiling, his cheeks flushed and his jaw grew tighter than before. Leaning over him, I trailed kisses across his cheek until I reached his temple, resting my forehead against it, letting my eyelashes brush against his skin. Leaning away, he turned his head, frowning at me. Smiling, I leaned down and kissed him. Bringing his hand to the side of my head, his fingers disappeared into my hair, deepening the kiss.

"How can you even look at me right now?" He asked.

"The real question is: how am I not laughing at you right now?" I smirked. His face went hard and he returned to staring at the ceiling. "Baby, it's okay." I told him, running my hand across his hair. "You've never drank this much in your life. There is bound to be a few ramifications." He frowned harder. Sighing, I leaned down and pressed a kiss against his forehead, "I love you, Eric. This doesn't change anything. You're as amazing now as you were yesterday before all this happened."

"You should just go." He frowned, shutting his eyes.

For a long moment, I just stared at him, loving him in his moment of weakness. "I'm not going anywhere, Eric." I told him softly. He opened his eyes and looked at me, still frowning. "You're stuck with me for life. It doesn't matter what you do, I will always love you and I will always be there for you. Always, Eric." His expression softened and he brought his hand up to my face. Grinning, I leaned down, letting my lips hover over his, barely touching them, "For as long as we both shall live." He laughed lightly and kissed me, pinning me against his chest. "There's something you should know." I told him, pausing for dramatic affect.

"What?" He frowned, rubbing my arm.

"If you think this is bad, do you remember anything that happened before you passed out?"

"No." He frowned harder.

Nodding, I crinkled my nose at him, "You kinda...threw up...like all over me."

He looked horrified. "Please tell me you're joking."

"Nope." I told him, slowly shaking my head. "From my stomach to my toes, you drenched me in your own vomit. So I find you wetting the bed during your drunken stupor sort of satisfying. There's a sense of poetic justice in it."

For a moment he held his horrified expression. Then laughter burst from him. It took only a moment before I joined him. Laughing louder than was probably necessary. Rubbing his chest, his head was lolled to the side, a grin on his face as he looked at me. Still laughing lightly, I leaned down and kissed him, deeply and repeatedly.

"You do taste disgusting." I told him and laughed again.

"Yeah, well, if I had my -" He had to cut himself off as I grabbed his toothbrush and paste from the bag I'd brought. "And I'm gonna need a clean set of -" He had to stop again as I showed him a clean pair of clothes. "Well, I hope you don't plan on going anywhere. What am I supposed to do if you -?" He stopped a third time as I dropped his book onto the table next to him. "Damn." He said in mock disappointment. "You are perfect."

Laughing loudly, I shook my head at him. "I am far from perfect. But I am perfect for you." I told him, kissing him again.

Getting a basin and some water, I held it up while he brushed and rinsed. Setting it aside, I got him out of bed, grabbing a washcloth and cleaned him up before getting him into clean clothes. We had fun getting the IV bag through his shirt sleeve without hurting him, and then he stood and held onto the pole the IV was hanging from, watching me as I stripped the bed, and remade it with sheets I'd found in a drawer. Helping him back into bed, I made sure he was comfortable before sitting on the edge, putting my arm across him so I could lean closer to him.

"Thank you." He told me softly.

"You're welcome." I smiled. "Now get some more sleep."

"I'm not tired." He smirked.

Leaning down, I kissed him several times, slow and deep. By the time I leaned away from him, he was already drifting off. Grinning, I kissed him lightly before standing, wanting to go inform the others. I was sure that they knew he had woken up, but he was probably going to sleep a while longer now. Even a couple more hours would do him good.

Before I could move away from him, his grip on my hand tightened, "Stay."

Settling back down, I lifted his hand to my lips, kissing the top of it, "Always."

Waiting till he was sound asleep, I slipped from around the curtain. Tori was sleeping in a nearby bed and no sound was coming from Four and Tris. Slipping into his small area, Tris was asleep, pressed tightly against Four's side. He was awake, cracking an eye open as I stepped next to him. Leaning down, I pressed a kiss against his forehead, momentarily leaving mine against his. Sighing, I sat down, resting my chin in my hand as I propped my arm up on the edge of the bed.

He gently ran his fingers across the slant of my bangs, his finger trailing the edge of my face, "You okay?"

"Yeah." I nodded at him. "I am. So is Eric. So are you. So is Tris. We're all okay."

"I'm sorry." He told me with furrowed brows.

"Don't be." I said mirroring him. "I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so mad at you."

"Yes, you should've." He replied. "I should have been watching him more closely."

"Can I confide in you?" I asked him.

"Of course, Opie. You don't have to ask that." He scolded.

Nodding, I took his hand in mine, kissing the top of it before resting it against my shoulder. "He didn't want to go with you tonight." He frowned and sighed. "He wanted to stay in with me. He wanted to be held and comforted."

"Then why did he come with me?"

"For you." I smiled. "His weakness was exposed and all his walls came crashing down. He would have loved to stay in and let me see that weakness. Instead he went with you, got drunk, confronted his parents, got hurt, and is now lying in the bed next to yours." By the end I was starting to sound angry again. Softening my tone, I ran my hand up and down his arm. "But he went with you because he knew that you wanted him to go. You needed it just as much as he did. You both have experienced abusive parents and he knew that you would need a release as well. It hits home for both of you."

He smiled, his eyes moving in Eric's direction. "I never thought the day would come where he did something for my sake."

"Welcome to that day." I smiled.

"Now I'm really sorry." He told me. "If I knew he wanted to stay in then I would've brought the liquor to your place."

"And he probably wouldn't have gotten drunk." I stated with a raised brow. "And if he did, it would have been under my supervision."

He laughed lightly, "He's definitely mellower around you."

"I don't think mellow is the word." I smiled with a slight blush.

"Opie." He frowned.

"He's exciting and fervent and -"

"Opie." He said with a hard tone.

"- sexual."

"Stop." He said but was grinning at me. "He's better with you. That's all my saying."

"I know." I replied. "He's become the good guy."

He sighed lightly, "He has."

"Are you two going to start a bro-mance or something?" I teased.

"When all this is over he'll basically be my brother-in-law so I might as well start now." He smirked.

I was just kidding but his tone was completely serious. I was about to have the first real conversation about it. It seemed everyone assumed it was going to happen but it was time I confirmed it. "I asked him to marry me." I said softly, looking in Eric's direction.

"Congratulations." He smiled, squeezing my hand. "It was bound to happen eventually."

Nodding, I couldn't help the shit grin that crossed my face. "He had given this beautiful speech and I thought he was going to ask. When the words didn't come out of his mouth, I knew there was only one thing to say to him. I asked and he accepted."

"I'm happy for you, Pen. I don't think I could be any happier for you."

Reaching my hand up, I gently played with his hair. "You may not be far behind."

"I've thought about it." He admitted staring at the top of Tris's head. "I don't know if she'd go for it."

"She will." I told him quickly. "She loves you. It'll happen."

"We just need this all to be over."

Furrowing my brows, I stood and perched on the edge of bed so I could look at him better. "What did you and Tris mean when you said that you needed to go?" He frowned at me. "When Edward was shot. You said that you needed to go. Does that mean what I think it does?"

He sighed and nodded, "Yeah."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"It means that we need to leave." He told me. "We can't stay here. Not under Evelyn."

I sighed and nodded, "Do you actually have a plan or just an idea?"

"When it happens it'll happen quickly. I don't think we can plan much for this."

Nodding again, I looked toward Eric, "Okay."

"Okay?" He frowned.

"I'm in." I told him. "As long as Eric is in, I'm in."

"Do you honestly think he'll want to stay?" He frowned.

"No." I replied quickly. "I think he'll want to leave as soon as possible."

Looking at his hand held firmly in mine, I felt a wave of anxiety move through me. I wasn't sure exactly why. I think part of me was actually scared to leave the city. This was home. This city was home. I know things were going to be different but we had no idea what was on the outside of the walls. At least we knew what to expect within them.

"What are you thinking?" Four asked me softly.

"Tobias." I said meeting his eyes. "I'm not sure I want to go."

"What?" He frowned. "You can't stay here. I won't leave you behind."

"Isn't it my choice?" I asked him.

"And Eric?" He frowned.

Opening my mouth, I shook my head, "I don't know. But I'm afraid to leave."

"Don't be." He told me reassuringly. "Please, Pen. Please don't do this." Taking a deep steadying breath, I nodded at him. "Please, Pen." He repeated.

"Okay." I nodded.

"Pen." He said again.

"I said okay." I frowned at him.

Attempting to let go of his hand, he held it firmly, "Pen. I need you."

"You've told me that before." I stated, still frowning. "And then you took Eric and marched into Erudite without me. So I'm sorry if I don't fully believe that you need me. You need Tris. You need Eric. But where do I fit in, Tobias? Because I'm not so sure anymore."

A deep frown crossed his face. "You're not actually considering joining Evelyn are you?" He shot at me.

I honestly hadn't thought about it, but it flashed through my mind now and I couldn't deny that sitting at her right hand held more security than fleeing the city like cowards. I wasn't a coward. None of us were cowards. Yet I did feel like staying here in the city and taking my place at Evelyn's side was just as brave a move as leaving would be.

"You can't be serious." He shot at me.

Sighing, I stood and crossed my arms. "I didn't say that."

"But now you're considering it." He told me, standing up. He was steady on his feet.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have mentioned it."

"Don't spin this on me."

"I'm not."

"Then what do you want me to say?"

"Nothing!" I yelled before lowering my voice. "I don't want you to say anything. I'm not going to stay here with your mother. I am where Eric is. And I wouldn't abandon you." I told him. "You are my brother and one of my best friends. I just don't know what to do."

"Eric said he'll go with us when the time comes." He told me.

"You've already talked to him about it?" I frowned at him. "Why do I feel like everyone is keeping something from me?"

"We're not." He told me. "We discussed it before all the drinking happened." Sighing, I rubbed between my eyes with my fingers, feeling tears start to fill my eyes. "If he goes, you go, right?"

"Yes, Tobias." I said softly. "If Eric goes, I'll go."

"Then be ready."

Nodding, I turned from him, passing through the curtain. Pacing up and down the room, he didn't follow and the room fell silent. Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair, fighting the tears that wanted to flow, feeling exhausted despite the sleep I'd just gotten. My mind kept moving through the pros and cons of either choice. Though I knew the answer was simple. Whatever Eric wanted to do, I'd follow him. I would never force him to stay here where his parents were. I wouldn't make him live in Amity where mine were. Dauntless was no more and that was the only place that truly felt like home.

As the same time I was eager to see what lay on the other side of the walls. We'd been held within these walls for so long that we had no idea what to expect once we were outside of them. But Edith Prior had ignited a spark that was not going to be so easily extinguished. Many would follow Four if he left. He was a leader to many. If Tori went, many would follow. For she too was a leader. Evelyn was not our leader. She was simply the person who took claim on the title and now felt like she was worthy of it.

Moving back through Four's curtain, he was staring at the ceiling, his brows still furrowed. Stepping up to him, I leaned over him, my hand against the head of the bed. "Just because I am leery of leaving the city does not make me any less." I told him angrily. "I stand with you because you are one of the few I trust most. I'll follow you because you are my brother in all but blood. I don't want to fight with you, Tobias. I don't want to feel like you keep me around just because we're close. I need you to include me. Don't let me in after the decisions are made."

"Okay." He told me softly. "I'm sorry."

"And I don't need you to be sorry. All I want is for you to trust me as much as I trust you."

"I do, Opie. I trust you above all others."

"Really?" I asked with raised brows. "And the sleeping girl in your arms?"

Tris was still soundly sleeping despite the noise and movement we'd been making. She needed the sleep and now that everything had seemed to settle down, she was finally finding it. Especially when she wasn't supposed to be here to begin with.

"She's kept a lot of things from me." He said sadly.

"Only because she thinks she's protecting you."

"She's wrong."

Leaning further, I pressed a kiss against his forehead. "She loves you. Don't let her indiscretions make you lose faith in her. She'd do anything for you. And I know that you would do anything for her."

"For you as well, Opie." He told me with seriousness.

Smiling, I kissed his forehead again, "And I'd do anything for you too."

"After Eric."

"And me after Tris."

He laughed lightly, shaking his head, "We're idiots to let one person hold so much of us."

"Yeah." I nodded. "But so far I find it well worth it. Eric is amazing."

"So is she." He replied looking down at her.

Nodding, I kissed his forehead once more, "Sleep."

He nodded, "You should too."

"I did sleep." I told him.

"Sleep more." He stated.

Nodding, I slipped past the curtain and into the next, only to see Eric looking at me. "You're awake." I smiled.

"And have been listening." He frowned at me.

"And?" I asked sitting on the edge of the bed, putting my arm on the other side of him.

"And I don't want you to leave if you don't want to." He replied.

Frowning back at him, I ran my finger from one side of his face to the other. "Are you saying you'll leave me?"

"No." He frowned harder. "Hell no."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I would stay here with you if that's what you want."

"If you were listening than you'd know that it's not what I want. It was a momentary lapse in judgment." I replied, leaning over him.

"Are you happy?" He asked next.

"Is that a serious question?" I retorted.

"It seems like you haven't been happy since before all this started." He stated.

"Baby, I am happy. I'm happy because of you. Looking at you makes me happy." I replied, smiling at him. "Things have been different since all this started. But I've never known happiness until you. Not like I do now. So, yes, Eric. I am happy. _Very_ happy."

"Are you sure?" He asked with furrowed brows.

"Yes, baby. I'm sure." I told him, leaning down and kissing him. "I know I piss you off. I know I say things that make your temper flare. So now I'll ask you, are you happy?" For a long moment he just looked at me. Feeling my chest clench with every passing moment, I took a slow deep breath. "Have you changed your mind?"

"About what?" He countered.

"Me."

"No." He finally told me, a broad smile crossing his face. "I just enjoy seeing you squirm." Grinning, I leaned down and kissed him again. "And I haven't forgotten."

"What haven't you forgotten?" I asked, but knew what he was referring to.

"That I said yes to you. I said yes and I will never take that back. You're stuck with me." He smiled, repeating my words from earlier.

"Good." I said kissing him again. Running my hand between his thighs, I deepened the kiss.

"Can we get out of here?" He asked.

Nodding, I grabbed a piece of gauze and some tape, placing it against his hand as I gently pulled the IV from his vein. Helping him up, I grabbed our things before putting his arm across my shoulders, leading him from the room. The halls were quiet with only a few hours of night left. Opening the door to our room, I let him go, shutting and locking the door behind us. Turning to him, he slowly made his way to the bed, crawling onto it.

Sighing, I followed him, moving around the other side of the bed, putting the pillows against the head of it. Propping myself up against them, I pulled him into my arms, cradling him as I pressed my lips against his temple, whispering words of love into his ear. He hugged my arm and I could feel his tenseness. Humming softly to him, I gently rocked, my lips never leaving his skin. He sighed, finally relaxing against me.

"I love you so much." I whispered lovingly into his ear.

"Never leave me." He whispered.

"Never, baby." I whispered back. I wanted to counter with the fact that he was the one who left me, but he still needed to rest. I could feel the pounding of his head against my lips. "Sleep, my love. I will be here when you wake."

He was asleep moments later. This was far better than the beds in the med area. To have him in my arms always made everything right in the world. We'd lost so much. He'd suffered more than I had imagined he had. Yet here he was, still strong despite the night's events. And even he needed comforting. He had wanted to be held before Four had dragged him away. So I would hold him now. Hold him until he begged me to let him go.


	7. Overcoming Opposition

**Chapter Seven: Overcoming Opposition**

Walking the halls to the cafeteria, I'd left Eric in massive need of both food and a pain killer. Having already given him drugs, I was on a mission for food. Walking into the room, it seemed that half the chatter had died down and there were several eyes turning to me. Not caring what they were talking about, it became very clear when someone yelled and then chairs were moving, people getting out of the way to clear the path for the angry voice coming toward me.

Sighing, I turned, coming face to face with an angry Kent. His breath reeked of alcohol and his face was a nice shade of purple. "Yes?" I asked. He attempted to hit me, but I ducked, spinning so I was at his back. "Use your words, Kent." I smirked at him calmly.

"There she is!" I heard his mother yell. She had three soldiers in tow.

"I don't have time for this." I complained, already annoyed to the point where one or both of them was going to end up bleeding. "You can't touch me." I told the soldiers.

"You'll have to come with us." One stated as he gripped my arm.

God damn factionless.

"Based on what?" I frowned, pulling free of his grip.

"She's the one who has manipulated my son." Eric's mother was telling them.

"Bullshit!" I yelled and lunged at her. The soldier caught me midair, pulling me away from her.

"Careful, Adele." Her husband panted. "Who knows what she's capable of?"

"This is ridiculous." I frowned at the soldiers. " _They_ are the ones who have abused their son. If I'm guilty of anything it is helping to save him. Lay one hand on me and Evelyn will hear about it. Do you even know you I am?" I frowned. They all looked at each other with a hint of nervousness. "Does the name Penelope Farrier mean anything to you?" They all exchanged a look.

"What are you waiting for?" Adele shot at them.

"These _people_ are the parents of Eric, the former Dauntless leader. Does that name ring a bell?" I interjected.

They looked at me before them. "Ma'am, will you and your husband please come with us?"

"What?" Kent practically yelled, spittle hitting the soldier's face.

"Sir." Another said motioning him out of the room.

As much as I hated to admit it, I had to hand it to Evelyn; she was pulling strings for me without me even knowing it. She had offered a controlled meeting and this was hardly the time and place for that. Though she must have anticipated some sort of confrontation would take place and had spread the word. Even if they didn't know me by face they clearly knew my name. I couldn't help but grin as they escorted them away. The room was silent for a moment before the murmuring started again. Looking around the room, many glances moved my way. I wanted to yell at them, but I knew that that wasn't the road to take. Turning back to where the food was being served, I asked for two portions, and then made my way back to the room.

"What happened?" Eric frowned, sitting on the end of the bed.

"What makes you think something happened?" I asked him, handing him the food and kissed the top of his head as I ran my hand across his hair.

He frowned up at me, "Because you took too long."

"Don't be paranoid." I told him grabbing a piece of toast.

"Pen." He said with a hard tone.

Sighing, I bent my leg, sitting on the bed next to him. "Your parents barged into the cafeteria and attempted to have factionless soldiers arrest me for manipulating their son." The food crashed to the floor as he shot up, immediately pacing the room. "You need some protein." I told him. He didn't say anything. "Baby, come here." He kept pacing. Sighing, I stood and held out the piece of toast. "Eric." He stopped pacing, turning to look at me. "Take the toast." I commanded. He took it, but just held it. "Eric, nothing happened. They were escorted from the cafeteria."

He nodded, tearing small pieces off the toast and eating it. Bending down, I started to pick up the toppled tray, scrapping up what I could of the oatmeal before tossing it into the garbage. Grabbing a towel, I cleaned up the rest of it, before facing him again. He was still standing there, slowly eating the toast.

"I'll get some more." I told him and left the room again.

Going back down to the cafeteria, I told the people manning it that I'd dropped the precious portions and asked for another. They didn't ask any questions as they gave me another portion. Making it halfway down the hall, there was the sound of running and Claude and Terra appeared on either side of me.

"I'm fine. Eric is fine. Nothing is wrong. You don't have to worry." I told them hoping I'd hit every question they were going to ask.

"They tried to confront you in the cafeteria?" Claude frowned.

Missed one.

"The key word being 'tried'. It's been handled. There is nothing for you to worry about."

"What's our next step?" She asked.

"Where's Henry?" I countered.

"He's probably already at your room door." Terra replied.

Nodding, I took a deep breathe, "Okay. There are things to discuss."

Terra had been right. As soon as we neared the room I could hear Henry carrying on inside of it. He was pissed. Good. I wanted him pissed. A volatile Henry would be needed for whatever came next. To top it off, Tori appeared around the corner and we all filed into the room.

"Am I the last to know everything?!" Henry yelled at me.

"Don't yell at her." Eric shot at him, standing and towering over him. Eric could take Henry, I knew that. I kind of wanted to see him take Henry on. It would be one hell of a fight. "Just calm down."

Smiling, I handed the food to Eric, putting my hand on his shoulder. "Eat, please."

He nodded and devoured the food. Waiting for him to finish, he stood and took a couple bites of the second bowl of oatmeal before he handed it to me. Shaking my head at him, he raised a brow. Sighing, I took it, turning to the others as I slowly ate it.

"We're leaving." I stated. "No hidden agendas, no secrets, no lies, just flat out – we are leaving."

"When?" Claude asked.

"I don't know." I replied. "Four and Tris are the ringleaders on this one. But when Four says it's time to go then it's time to go. I want you all to bring your stuff here. Then we'll be localized and ready. We stick together from here on out. That is unless any of you have decided to stay here."

"No. We're going." Henry frowned. "I hate it here."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because this isn't how things should be. I don't hate the factions. At least I knew where I belonged."

"I'm with you." Tori nodded.

Claude and Terra looked a little skeptical. "Guys?" I asked.

Terra looked up at Claude before gripping her hand and nodded at me. "We're with you."

"Claude?" I said, knowing there was something she wanted to say.

She nodded, "We're with you." Even though she said it, I had a feeling she had the same sort of reservations that I had last night.

"I know we don't know what's out there. We have no way of knowing what to expect. But we'll be together and we'll figure it out."

"And if we get separated?" She frowned. "You're right, we have no idea what to expect. What if we go out there and they are just as evil if not more so then Jeanine and Evelyn? What if they pull us apart and we are in a worse situation than we are here? At least here we know what to expect. We have an idea of what it'll be like under Evelyn's rein."

"Speaking of which, I have a meeting with her." Tori stated.

"That doesn't answer any of the 'what ifs' I've just voiced." Claude shot at her.

"I know." She nodded. "But I can't answer those for you any more than the rest of us here. We have to take a leap of faith and hope it works out."

"Since when are you religious?" Henry frowned at her.

"I don't have to be religious in order to put a little faith in life being better out there than it is in here. People are killing each other. It's going to be a bloodbath. Genocide. Is that what you want?"

"No. But how is us leaving going to change what is happening inside the city?" Claude countered.

Tori sighed and shook her head, "I don't know, kid. All I know is that we owe it to ourselves to find out."

Claude sighed as well, nodding as the room fell quiet. Having only eaten part of the oatmeal, I handed it back to Eric who quickly finished it off. Stepping up to him, I put my arm around him, leaning against his chest as his arm moved around me as well.

"What's the meeting for?" I asked her.

"Talking about my place in all of this." She replied, her finger making a circle in the air.

"What do you think she's going to say?" I asked next.

She sighed again, "I don't know. But it'll probably end up with some threat or something." Nodding, I pressed myself closer to Eric. "I better go." She said. "Everyone gather your things and we'll meet up here later. Stagger your movements so they don't think something is up."

"Sounds good." Henry said and left.

Claude nodded and she and Terra left as well, leaving just Tori and us. She looked at Eric and smiled, "How you holding up?"

I felt him take a deep breath, his hold on me tightening, "I'm okay. Good even."

"Really?" She asked with furrowed brows. "Because it's okay if you're not."

"Tori, I'm fine." He replied sternly. The old Dauntless leader in him coming out.

"Okay." She nodded. Then she looked at me, "Keep taking good care of him."

"Of course." I smiled. "Always."

As soon as she left, Eric's other arm moved around me and he pulled me tighter against his chest. Wrapping my arms around him, for a moment I simply shut my eyes and listened to his heart beating and the sound of him breathing.

Letting me go, he turned to the bed, falling onto his stomach on top of it. Doing the same, I met his eyes, smiling as I ran my hand across his hair. Shifting closer to him, he put his arm around me, gently playing with my hair. Gently gripping his face, I leaned in and kissed him slowly. This might be the most alone time we got after everyone else arrived. I kind of hated the idea but it made the most sense. Especially to save time if we needed to get out sooner rather than later.

Groaning as knocking sounded at the door; I got up and went to the door, opening it to see Four. "What's going on?" I asked as I opened it wider.

"I just need to be somewhere else for a while." He replied and went to the bed, falling onto his back where I had just been.

"Having as good a day as I am?" Eric asked him with a smirk.

"There goes our alone time." I muttered and sandwiched myself between the two of them. "Haven't you and Tris discovered a way to be together without your mother knowing yet?" I asked him.

"No." He replied. "We've been sending messages back and forth but nothing physical. Not since last night and I only got away with that because I was drunk."

"Not as drunk as me." Eric stated flatly.

"Yeah, your puke looked good on our Pen here." Four smirked.

" _Our_ Pen?" I frowned. "I don't think I agreed to let you two share me."

Eric smiled and pulled me against his chest as he rolled onto his side, "Nope, you're all mine."

Four scoffed, "I'm fine with that. I can only handle one Divergent girl at a time."

"Hey, you be sweet." I frowned and smacked him. "I'm the only Divergent girl you get to deal with until we spring this place so I suggest you be nice to me."

He sighed and met my eyes, "I know."

Sighing, I moved closer to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. "Everything is going to be fine. We'll figure it out. Until then, you should stay in here with us."

"No." He said shaking his head. "She's given me a room. I'm still pretending to be her loyal son."

"She wants me too, Tobias." I stated. "It isn't much of a stretch for either of us to want to keep each other close."

"True." He said with furrowed eyes.

"Though all my people are arriving throughout the day to stay here too. So we're ready whenever you are."

"Pen, she'll find that suspicious." He said concernedly.

"Not if we don't continuously roam together. We're not going to give her any reason to monitor any of our movements. But I want to be ready. I want _them_ to be ready."

He sighed again, "Okay, Opie."

"Thank you." I smiled and kissed his cheek.

Then Eric's arm was around me again, "Hey, those lips only belong in one place."

Laughing, I kissed him deeply, letting my lips linger against his. "Yes, baby."

"And this is why I so badly want to say 'no'." Four complained.

"Too bad." I murmured, kissing Eric again.

My words were proven when Henry arrived. It was only a few hours after that when Claude and Terra arrived. Tori was last and looked exhausted. Everyone made their beds and by the time the sun set, I was lying awake, staring at the ceiling, still sandwiched between my boyfriend and my brother.

Come morning, we situated everything as best we could, leaving too many people squashed into too small a space. But it was still for the best. Standing at the windows, looking out over the city, I listened as everyone kept themselves reoccupied themselves. Some leaving for a time. None of us leaving together, other than the couples. Hearing the door and then steps coming toward me, Four appeared at my side, a heavy sigh escaping him. I knew that meant something. He was building up to tell me something I was probably not going to like. I didn't think I could handle any more of anything.

"Just tell me." I told him with furrowed brows. He nodded, his jaw clenching. "Tobias." I said looking at him.

"I should've told you before now." He started, making me frown at him. "It's probably already over."

"What is?" I asked him, feeling a wave of panic.

"Hazel." He said sadly.

I hadn't seen or talked to my sister once since I was rescued from Erudite. I knew she had been taken and put in a cell with all the other traitors. I hadn't worried about her much after that. She was alive and for the moment had been safe. I hadn't heard about what they were going to do with them. They were going to be put on trial but after that I didn't know anything. I guess I was about to find out. But she was a traitor and deserved whatever was going to happen to her. At the same time she was my sister. The last one I had left. What didn't I know?

"She was put on trial today along with Caleb and the other traitors." He went on.

"Okay?" I said shaking my head.

"They made their decision."

Frowning at him, I crossed my arms, "Stop stalling, Tobias. What's going to happen to her?"

He sighed heavily again before he answered, "She's going to be executed."

Tears filled my eyes, my nostrils stinging as I tried to hold them back. I nodded at him, "Okay."

"Pen, I'm so sorry." He told me, bringing his hand up to my arm.

I shrugged away from him, turning toward the door, "I need a minute."

"Pen?" Eric said as I rushed by him.

Not saying a word, I left the room, running down the halls and out of the headquarters. Finding the same alley I'd taken refuge in when Eric was going to be put on trial, I slouched against the wall, tears falling down my cheeks. I didn't want to cry for her. I didn't want this to hurt so much. I didn't want to care.

"Baby." Eric said as he ran up to me, panting.

"I'm fine." I told him quickly. "I just need a minute."

"Alone?" He asked with furrowed brows.

Looking up at him, he looked worried and yet I felt that if I said 'yes' it would turn into a fight. I didn't want to fight with him. And when I replied it was with complete honesty, "I can be alone with you here." He still just looked at me. "Being with you is being with me. You're my better half." Tears started to flow again and I felt myself start to breakdown. "And I need you, Eric." I told him as tears started to stream hot against my cheeks. "I need to know that out of all the crap that life has thrown at us, you and I will get out of this alive. Because I'm about to be down another sister and if anything happens to anyone else I don't think I'll survive it."

He sat down in front of me, a leg on either side, as he took my hands in his. "We're going to live through this. We'll be okay. And Hazel will be okay too. We'll figure it out. She's not dead yet."

Taking a deep steadying breath, the tears had nearly stopped, "I didn't think I cared if she lived or died. She was going to let me die so why would I want her to live?"

"Because you're a good person." He told me with a small smile. "You're an amazing person and you see the good in people."

"I do?" I frowned.

"You saw the good in me." He told me matter-of-factly. "You saw the good in me and you forced me to see it too. And I've never been more grateful to a person. We'll get through this, Pen. Even if something else happens, you and I are going to get through this."

Sighing, I nodded at him, "Okay."

"I love you, baby." He said sweetly. "I love you so damn much it hurts sometimes. Even when you're pissing me off, I love you. Don't rush off on me like that. Because no matter what's going on, I'm here. You have me, Pen."

He hadn't said those words in quite a while. Smiling, I gently pulled on his shirt, making him smile and lean toward me, kissing me deeply. "I love you more than anything." I told him. "You have me too."

"I know." He smirked.

Sighing again, I took a deep breath, "What now?"

"We figure it out." He replied. "But that'll be tomorrow's problem. We don't know anything yet and you need to get some rest."

I scoffed and laughed lightly, "Rest? My sister is going to be executed. Which probably means that Caleb is going to be executed as well." He nodded. "We're going to eventually leave the city. Your parents are monsters. Mine are oblivious to the fate of their eldest child. Four and Tris can't even be seen together. Claude and Terra are fighting. So much is going on that I don't think I could sleep even if I wanted to."

"I'll help you." He smiled, kissing me again.

Unable to suppress a smile, I shook my head at him, "I love you, Eric."

"And I love you." He pulled me into his arms, cradling me as I wrapped my arms around him. "You never have to go through anything alone." Feeling tears again, I gripped him tighter, burying my face in his shoulder.

"What am I supposed to do?" I cried into him. "What am I supposed to do?"

Feeling him bury his face in my neck, I sobbed into him, not knowing what to do next. I felt like I needed to fight for my sister. Yet at the same time I was so angry at her for abandoning our parents. I was so angry at her for joining Jeanine and allowing me to die. She was going to let me die. She might have been sad about it but she was still going to let it happen. If I let her die what would that make me? What would I tell my parents? How would I live with myself if I let her die?

"How do I stop this?" I asked him as I started to calm down.

"We'll figure it out." He told me, his arms tightening around me. "I promise you, Pen. We'll figure it out."

"I love you." I whispered to him. "I love you. I love you. I love you." I took a deep shuddering breath before whispering once more, "I love you." In this moment I couldn't say it enough. I was scared. Far more than I thought I would be. "Eric." I cried, the tears coming fast again.

"I know, baby. I know." He said softly starting to rock me. "I'll fix it."

"Everyone is dying."

"No, baby. Not everyone. We're gonna be okay."

"Please…" I cried not really knowing why.

His hand found the back of my head, "Baby." I could hear his anxiousness in his voice.

Pulling away from him, I leaned against the wall again, wiping the tears from my cheeks. Taking a deep breath, I looked at my hands before meeting his eyes. "I'm sorry." I said shaking my head.

"Baby." He said softly, moving closer to me.

"I know you don't like crying." I stated, taking another deep breath. The tears had stopped and now I just felt drained.

"Pen, I don't care about you crying. Not anymore." He told me sweetly.

"I don't like to cry." I stated with furrowed brows.

"Yeah, but you're a girl. You're allowed." He smirked at me.

Meeting his eyes, I smiled, laughing lightly. "Yeah." Then it faded, "Just a stupid girl with stupid feelings."

"Pen, come on. She's your sister. You'd have to be pretty heartless to just let her die without a second thought."

"I know." I nodded. "I just feel like everything is so hard. Why can't something be easy?"

He pulled me to him, draping my legs over the top of his on either side of him. He pulled me as close to him as he could, "You want to know something that's easy?" He asked, getting a nod from me. "I'm gonna get all sentimental on you." He warned with a smile. Laughing, I ran my hand down his face before pulling it to me, resting my forehead against his. "Loving you." He said softly. "You made that easy."

"You made it easy too." I replied. "Despite all the back and forth at the beginning."

"I've never doubted my feelings for you, Pen. Not once. Not even then."

Thinking a moment, I leaned away from him, gently rubbing his chest. "You know what? I haven't either."

"Not once?"

Laughing again, I kissed him deeply, "Not once."

"I love you." He said kissing me again.

"Eric." I said taking his head in my hands, pressing my forehead against his again. "Eric."

"I love you." He told me again. "I love you more than anything. We will get through this."

Kissing him slow and deep, I ran my hand along his hair, sliding my other around his neck. His lips moved to my neck, trailing kisses down between my breasts as I leaned back. His strong arms wrapped around my shoulders as his lips trailed lower. Then his tongue was against me, trailing up my skin as he pulled me back against him. Meeting his lips with mine, I gently bit his bottom lip before sucking it.

"Feel better?" He asked softly.

Smiling, I gently brushed my lips against his, "I always feel better when I'm with you; especially in your arms with those perfect lips against mine."

"Me too, baby."

Then his mouth was invading mine, his arm moving around my neck, cementing my face to his. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I pressed myself against him, already feeling breathless. Pausing, I once again breathed in his every exhale, a calm coming over me.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." I told him.

He smiled, kissing me softly, "You'll never have to find out." Pressing my lips against his, I put my hand against his face, deepening it. "Promise me the same." He whispered.

Meeting his eyes, I ran my thumb across his bottom lip, "I promise you, baby. I promise you that you'll never be without me."

Content with simply sitting with each other, it felt like hours had passed when we finally got up and made our way back to headquarters. Walking the halls, I held tightly to Eric's hand, never wanting to let it go. He opened the door, keeping me partially behind him as we reentered our family's presence. Looking around the room, everyone was watching us.

Claude was the first to move, stepping toward us. "I'm so sorry."

"Thank you." I smiled as I wrapped my arms around her neck.

"I'm gonna get her out of it." Four told me, pulling me into his arms next. "Okay?"

Feeling tears again, I pushed them aside, taking a deep breath as I hugged him tightly, "Okay."

He rested his face against mine, "I love you, Opie."

"I love you too, Tobias." I told him.

Letting him go, I turned to Henry. He gently took my face in his hands, "You okay?"

"Not really. But I will be." I smiled at him.

He pulled me tight against his chest, his lips pressing against my shoulder. "Love you, Pen."

"Love you."

"Pen." Tori said gently.

"I know." I smiled. "Love you too."

"Lots of love in this room." Terra smirked. "Kinda makes me sick."

We all laughed and Claude yanked her into her arms. "What happened to the sweet girl that chose Dauntless?"

"She learned to be Dauntless." Terra replied before she pinned herself against Claude, kissing her passionately.

Eric gripped my hand and pulled me against him. Wrapping one arm around him, the other against his side, I smiled up at him, mouthing 'I love you'. He just smiled and kissed me sweetly.

Occupying ourselves for the remainder of the day, it was an interesting process to get ready for bed. I didn't realize how set we were in our ways until everyone was trying to do their own thing at the same time. I let everyone do their stuff first, sitting between Eric's legs on the bed, watching as the chaos unfolded. He pressed his lips against my ear, whispering sweet things, making a never ending smile cross my face.

When everyone was done and settled, I was once again in the middle of Eric and Four. Not that I minded. It was actually kind of nice. It was like I had a heated body pillow on both sides of me. Safe to say I was perfectly content. Though for as content as I was, I still couldn't manage to fall asleep. Henry was a snorer, Claude was muttering, and Tori sounded like a dog that was running in its sleep. I spent the good portion of an hour wondering what the hell she was dreaming about.

Eric's soft noises soon became prominent, making me turn my head and look at him. "Fiancé…" I said softly aloud, testing the word for the first time.

"Baby?" Eric said groggily from next to me. "Can't sleep?" He asked as he wrapped his arm around my waist.

"No." I replied.

"Come here." He said gently pulling on me.

Rolling onto my side, I put my hand against his cheek, smiling as he fought sleep. He pulled me against his chest, his forehead finding mine. All the while he never opened his eyes. "I love you." I whispered to him.

"Love you." He whispered back and then started making noises again.

Shutting my eyes, I finally fell asleep feeling warm and safe in his arms. Not even caring that there was another man in our bed.

When I woke I was alone. Not caring, I rolled over, only then I was frowning. The room itself was too quiet. Sitting up, I realized that the room was empty. Getting up, I circled the room twice before I noticed a note on the desk with an apple holding it down.

 _We'll be back.  
Stay._

 _Eat the apple._

 _-Eric_

Smiling, I picked up the apple, eating it as I undressed and went to the bathroom. Showering, I made myself ready for the day. As soon as I was done, I took out my sketchbook and attempted to keep myself occupied. I'd slept longer than I had thought I would, took as long a time getting ready as I could, and now I was sketching a horrible rendition of the Amity orchard. I found Amity calming and yet now looking at it just made me angry.

Sighing, I put it away, moving to the door despite Eric's order to stay. Opening it, I nearly ran into his chest. "I was just…checking the hall." I told him as he pushed me back into the room.

"I told you to stay." He stated with a raised brow.

"And why did you leave such an order?" I asked with crossed arms.

"Because every time you leave you end up getting into some sort of trouble." He replied.

Scoffing, I averted my eyes, "Like you the other night?"

"Alright, let me have it. I know you were pissed and haven't gotten a chance to yell at me about it yet. You've been too gracious. Especially for you." He replied crossing his arms as well.

Sighing, I met his eyes. "I'm not going to yell at you. You already know what I'd say about it so let's just leave it at that. The thing that pissed me off the most about it is that I wasn't there."

"It probably wouldn't have happened if you had been there." He replied as his hands found my arms.

"They found me easily enough in the cafeteria. All the more reason that we get out of here."

He eyed me suspiciously, "So you're no longer second guessing leaving?"

"No." I replied with certainty.

"Good." He said cupping my face and kissed me.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"They're coming." He replied with a nod. "I asked for a few minutes."

"To tell me what?" I frowned up at him.

He yanked me against his chest, dipping me as his lips found my neck, his teeth grazing the flesh. Laughter erupted from me as I gripped him, my arm moving around his neck as his lips found mine, kissing me passionately.

The majority of the day passed without excitement. Evelyn called a meeting to tell everyone what jobs they would have in this new society of hers. I refused to go. No matter what anyone said, I refused to let her give me a job. Though I didn't think she'd care. I'm sure by not being there she'd assume that I was leaning toward taking her up on her offer. And like hell if I'd ever work for her.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that the thought of staying here really was as crazy as everyone made it out to be. Staying here was out of the question. We'd leave her and this place behind and find out what lay outside the walls. I just hoped it was as good as we all hoped it would be. Since I couldn't tell Claude she was wrong. It could be worse out there. Maybe we could just turn around and come back here. If they would take us. Leaving here might be harder than we thought. Maybe coming back wasn't an option.

"You're cheating." Claude scolded Henry as the pair were playing cards. A gamble of sorts.

"I am not." He replied though I could see the card sticking out from underneath his knee.

Smiling, I tried to focus on the paper in front of me, but I couldn't seem to focus. Eric and Four had wandered off again and I was starting to loathe when either of them were out of my sight. Part of me wanted to go find Tris, but I'd given Four my word that I'd stay clear of her. I had to choose who I was most loyal to and even though I'd grown to care for her, I was still more loyal to Tobias. Even if the breakup was just a rouse to keep Evelyn at bay. Even I had to keep up appearances.

Terra and I were in the middle of a sparring match when the door finally opened. Stopping I looked up to see my boys walk through the door. "It's about damn time." I told them, only then I realized the expression on their faces. "What is it?" I asked. Eric raised a brow and pulled out a bottle of liquor from his back pocket. "Seriously?" I frowned at him, grabbing it from him. Turning on my heel, I went to the bathroom and smashed the bottle in the sick.

"Pen!" He yelled and slammed the door.

"What has gotten into you?" I frowned, gripping the edges of the sink.

He gripped my right arm and jerked me around, "Me? What about you? It took a lot to find that."

"You aren't your father, Eric." I told him, his grip on my arm tightening.

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do." He said and shoved me back, my hand slipping into the sink.

I could feel shards of glass dig into my left palm. For a moment I froze, instinctively afraid of him. Attempting to calm down, I brought my hand in front of me, momentarily staring at the blood and shards before I started to pull the glass out. It hurt like hell, but I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of showing it.

"I'm not going to keep doing this, Eric." I told him calmly and seriously. "I cannot handle you flipping your switch right now. Too much is going on. We have enough problems without you lashing out because of your parents. And I will not be abused because your past is haunting you. Especially when I've been nothing but supportive and have attempted to be exactly what you need." All the while I hadn't looked up at him. Doing so, there were tears in his eyes. As well as shock. Sighing, all my anger melted away. I wiped the blood from my non-injured hand and gripped his tightly. "Eric, listen to me. I know that things have been weird for you. So much has changed for you that the others haven't had to deal with. You don't have to be strong and you know that." He nodded. "And you sure as hell don't need alcohol." I added with furrowed brows.

"I know." He nodded and paced away from me.

"So tell me what changed since this morning." I frowned, sitting on the seat of the toilet. Putting pressure at the base of my hand, I attempted to stop the bleeding and lessen the pain.

"Your hand." He said softly.

"Is fine." I stated with annoyance. "Now tell me what happened."

"They're everywhere." He said sitting on the floor, his back against the door. I just looked at him. "They were in the cafeteria and confronted me again. Four got me out of there before I could do anything other than yell at them. Just one more scene caused by my loving parents." He paused, his eyes on my hand that was now dripping blood onto the floor. "Tris was kidnapped by the Allegiant." He went on. "They're meeting tonight at midnight and want her Dauntless friends to go along."

There was a long drawn out pause before I spoke, "Anything else?"

"No." He replied.

Sighing, I finally stood and rinsed my hand before wrapping a small towel around it. Turning back to him, I couldn't hide the grimace on my face. "That's it?" I asked.

"Jesus, just say what you're thinking, Pen." He shot at me.

"You have a temper. We both do. And you've never gotten drunk until the other night and now you see your parents and suddenly want to follow in their footsteps?"

"I'm not following in their footsteps." He shot at me with a dangerous look.

"You've shoved me. Hit me. Said some pretty horrible shit to me. And just when we've gotten past all that, when we were happy. We _are_ happy. So why are you shoving me again and turning to alcohol?" I asked him. "Because if anything about this new life we have that has me worried, it is now you in this moment. You are worrying me."

"I know." He stated without looking at me.

There was another long pause. Bouncing my butt against the sink, I stared at the floor, "Did they touch you?"

"No." He replied blandly.

"Good." I stated.

"What now?" He asked.

Meeting his eyes, I furrowed my brows, "What do you mean?"

"I'm not stupid to think you'll put up with me for long after this."

Letting out an exasperated laugh, I shook my head at him, "Eric, this isn't enough for me to end things with you. Now if you start hitting me, then it would all be over. I will not let you beat me. However, I feel like exceptions can be made given the circumstances. But you can't keep doing this." Anger filling my voice. "You can't keep slipping back to the Eric of old that I had no problem in hating. I hated you for years. Now I love you. I love you more than anything but you can't keep doing this. You can't turn to alcohol because of your parents. You can't shove or hit me because of your parents. Because than you will become them. I won't marry and have kids with a man who I can't trust completely. I wouldn't put my children in that situation. Even if they haven't even been conceived yet."

He held my eyes for a long moment before a smile started to move across his lips, "Kids?"

Unable to suppress a smile, I nodded, "Yeah. Kids. If we make it out of this alive."

He scoffed, "Or if I don't screw it up before then."

"Hey, I'm more then capable of screwing this up too." I stated, my anger gone again. Sighing, I knelt in front of him. His hand immediately found my face, sadness in his eyes. "Promise me that we're not going to be these people." I told him with furrowed brows, my hand finding his face as well. "Please don't force me to leave you."

He took my bloodied hand, taking the towel from around it. The bleeding had already stopped for the most part. He gently ran his thumb along the cuts. "I promise, Pen." He told me before meeting my eyes. "Baby, I promise you that I will never hit or shove you again. I won't become either of my parents."

"Please, Eric." I told him pleadingly. "Please don't say it unless you mean it."

He took my head in his hands, keeping my eyes, "I mean it, Penelope Farrier."

"Good." I told him as tears filled my eyes. I wasn't sure if it was because he shoved me or at the realization that I would leave him if he abused me again. Only I wasn't sure I actually could. "Because I can't lose you, Eric."

"You won't." He told me with certainty.

"I can't help you unless you let me in. You don't have to do anything alone." I told him.

"I know, baby. I know." He said running his fingers through my hair.

Moving my hand to his neck, I stared into his eyes, "I know you've been alone for a long time. I get that. I understand as best I can. But I am here for you. I'm your person. You never have to be alone again. Not ever."

Then he was kissing me, wrapping me in his arms. He buried his face in my neck, "I'm so sorry, baby."

"I know." I replied as I wrapped my arm around him.

He was always sorry and I always forgave him. I wasn't any better. I'd like to think his mother used to be a nice normal girl. The thought made me suddenly terrified. What if history was repeating itself? I knew that I wouldn't become a monster like his mother. But what if no matter what I did he became his father? Even if I wasn't like his mother I still knew that I would love him. And that's wrong. I shouldn't love a man who abused me and possibly the children that I didn't even have yet. But I knew that I would. I loved him and would keep loving him. I'd keep finding reasons to protect him and to forgive him. I would never be able to bring myself to leave him. Never. No matter how many times I threatened it. I would never leave him.

"Pen, I mean it." He said pulling me away from him, taking my head in his hands again. "Please believe me."

"I believe you, Eric." I told him, though my brows were still furrowed.

He smiled sadly, "No, you don't."

"I do, Eric." I replied gripping his shirt. "I do. It's just…"

He nodded, "I know. How can you believe me when I've done such a poor job of showing it?"

"You shoved me against the wall before punching it right next to my head. You hit me while in Dauntless and again in Abnegation. You shoved me now today. All that was months apart and yet that's still a small span of time to pass. To a lot of people that would be deemed frequent and I would be told to get out of my abusive relationship." I replied honestly.

"I know." He sighed. "You've always forgiven me."

"I have." I stated. "And I forgive you now."

"So why would I stop something I know I can get away with?"

I smiled at him, "You're a smart man."

He let out a soft laugh. "I'm following what you're saying."

"That's why I need you to keep your word." I told him.

"I will." He stated with certainty. "I'll keep my promise."

I nodded, praying to god that he would, "Okay."

"I love you." He said.

Grinning now, I leaned in and kissed him, "Now that I have no trouble believing." He laughed lightly and kissed me again. "I love you too, Eric. So much. I can't live without you."

"I won't be the reason you have to." He replied.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I straddled his lap. Burying my face in his neck, I let a few tears fall before I pushed them away. Everything was fine. Even if it wasn't, it would be.

"Whether you deserve it or not, I do forgive you, Eric." I told him.

"You've always been good at that part." He replied. "That damn Amity."

Smiling, I nodded, "Love is blind."

Then there was knocking on the door. "Opie?" It was Four. "Claude is going to burst in there is you don't come out soon. She's got this weird notion in her head that Eric is hurting you."

Sighing, I felt exhausted as I looked at my hand. "She's going to kill you."

He nodded, running his hand down my hair. "I know."

"Come on." I said taking his hand in my good one, getting to our feet. Opening the door, Four looked at my concerned, seeing my hand almost instantly.

"What did he do?" Claude asked, already shaking with anger.

Holding up my hand, I sighed, "I broke the bottle and cut my hand."

"After I shoved her." Eric stated.

"Eric." I frowned up at him.

He shrugged, "Why hide the truth?" In the next second he was on the ground, Claude was on top of him, beating the shit out of him.

"Claude!" I yelled gripping her arm. "Henry!" I called. He just looked at me a moment before stepping forward and pulled Claude off of Eric with one arm. "Jesus, Claude!" I yelled as I knelt at Eric's side. He was rolling from side to side, his hands covering his face. "Let me see." I told him with my hands on his forearms.

"It's what he deserves!" Claude yelled as she fought against Henry.

"I know." I told her with a frown. "That doesn't mean you actually have to do it."

Looking back as Eric, I pulled his hands from his face to see blood running freely from his nose. The skin was purple at the corner of his eye, the white of it red with broken capillaries. Sighing, I helped him to his feet. Taking him back to the bathroom, I left the door open as I wet a towel and cleaned the blood from his face.

"I deserved that." He told me.

"Yes, you did." I smiled. "I will admit that I hate seeing you hurt and yet kind of enjoyed watching you get your ass beat."

"Thanks." He grinned at me, grimacing as his lip split by the action. "Jesus she hits hard."

Laughing, I nodded, "Yes she does." As soon as I was done, I put the tips of my fingers against his jaw, tilting his head back so I could gently kiss his split lip. "I love you, baby."

"I love you." He said kissed me deeply.

"Can we just be happy now?"

"Yes." He nodded and kissed me again.

Doing a better job in cleaning my hand, we once again attempted to join the others. We had barely gone five steps before Eric found himself once again on the ground. Only this time it was Four that stood over him.

"Tobias!" I yelled. "Eric." I said with worry. He was clearly dazed. Slowly sitting him up, he leaned against me. "You okay?" He looked up at Four with a glare.

Four looked at him as he rubbed his knuckles. "I've grown to think of you as more of a brother than I ever thought possible. However, if you ever lay a hand on her in anger again I will kill you." He stated, squatting down so he could meet his eyes better. "Eric, I promise you that I will. I will kill you if you hurt her." Smiling at Four, I ran my hand down the back of Eric's head.

Eric held out his hand, gripping Four's forearm as he held his hand out in return. "Thank you." He told him, getting a surprise from pretty much all of us. "I don't want to become the people I hate. If that day ever comes, just do it."

Four kept his eyes for a long moment before he hoisted him onto his feet, "Alright then."

The wait to leave was excruciating. Having a bunch of people stuck in a room that were currently at odds was nothing fun. Especially when their antagonism was toward the man I loved for my own protection. Sitting on the bed together, he was pressed against my side, his hand on my knee as he watched me doodle. His face was bruised and there was a nasty redness creeping down his neck. His arms were bruised as well, all thanks to my Claude. Even now she was glaring at him, her eyes hardly leaving him as Terra read one of Eric's books. Four was writing at the desk, and Henry was working out in the corner.

Leaning forward, Eric put his arm around me, pressing his face into the back of my shoulder. "You doing okay?" I asked him.

"Who cares?" Claude answered for him.

"Enough." I told her with furrowed brows. "Please, Claude. I am asking you to back off."

"And you're blind because of your feelings for him."

"So what if I am?" I frowned. "Are you telling me that if something goes down between you and Terra that you're just going to end it?"

"If she was beating me, yes." She retorted. "And I'd hope she'd dump my sorry ass if I ever started to beat her."

"He's not beating me!" I yelled as I stood. My book and pencil fell to the floor loudly. "Jesus, Claude! Let it go!"

Eric stood up behind me, bending down and picking up my sketches, keeping hold of them. "Pen."

"No!" I yelled. "Bad shit has happened and yeah he was in the wrong, but it's not who he is."

"No?" Claude said with disdain.

"Don't." I told her menacingly. "Don't you dare."

She looked at me, ignoring my warning. "It seems to me that he is well on his way to becoming his parents. Some people just can't change. It's in their blood."

In the next second I was flying at her. I didn't know I was going to until it was already done. Hitting her across her cheek, I dug my knee into her stomach before she had time to figure out what was going on. Then she countered and for a second I saw specks as I slammed into the wall. Ducking, her fist collided with the wall. Launching myself at her center, I took her to the floor. Punching her face and sides as many times as I could before she was able to block me, head butting me. Faltering, she punched me off of her. Getting to my feet I ducked under her arm, slamming my fist into her abdomen before punching her across her jaw. She stumbled backward against the desk. Rushing toward her, she bent over, her shoulder finding my stomach and she launched me over it, my back slamming down onto the desk. It caved under my weight and I found myself lying under its remains.

"That's enough!" Eric yelled, gripping Claude's shoulder and tossing her across the room. "Pen." He said swiftly bending down.

"You're going to throw away everything for him!" Claude yelled as she got to her feet.

I was shaking from the pain and exertion, gripping Eric's hand tightly as he helped me to my feet. "Since when did you turn from him?" I asked her. "Since when did I lose your support?"

"When you let him start beating you!" She screamed at me.

"He's not beating me." I stated exasperatingly. "You of all people should understand. Your parents no longer want to see you because you're gay. His are abusive drunks. I'd say you still have a better deal. So what if he slips up every once in a while. At the end of the day he's still the last person I think of and the most important person in my life."

"Then why do you need us?" She said making her way to the door.

"Claude." I said moving to stop her. "Just wait." I slammed my hand against the door, looking at her expression. "What's this really about?"

"What are you talking about?" She shot at me. "Does there have to be more than trying to save my _best friend_ from an abusive relationship?"

"You know he's not like that though." I told her sadly. "It's this place. It's his parents. You know that this isn't him. So why are you so ready to hold this against him?"

She sighed and kept my eyes for a long moment, "I'm just as scared as you are about all this."

"Using him as an excuse to stay behind isn't the way to do it. If you want to stay behind then stay behind."

"We're a team, Pen." She frowned.

"Then why are you trying to break us up?"

"Me and you or you and him?" She smirked.

Sighing, I took a step away from the door, putting my hand against my throbbing shoulder. "I'm not going to stop you, Claude. Go if you want to go. But you are my best friend and I need you. I don't want to face what's out there without you. But I won't hold it against you if you want to stay."

"We're not staying!" Terra yelled. "So stop trying to stay, Claude! And stop taking out _your_ insecurities on the one person who has always been there for you!"

The room fell quiet and everyone was glancing at each other.

"I'm gonna step out." Eric said grabbing his jacket.

"Eric, I'm sorry." Claude told him.

He nodded, "I'm not taking it personally. I just need a few."

"Do you want me to go with you?" I asked him.

"No, baby." He said pressing a kiss against my forehead.

"Eric." I said gripping his hand.

"I'll be okay." He smiled. "I won't drink anything and I won't start any fights. I promise."

"Please be careful." I told him with furrowed brows.

His hand found my face and he kissed me sweetly, "I will. I love you."

"I love you." I replied and watched him leave.

"Pen, I'm sorry." Claude told me sadly.

Frowning at her, I went to the bathroom and slammed the door. Sitting on the lid of the toilet, the door was already being cracked open, Four letting himself in. He knelt in front of me, starting to assess the damage.

I frowned and shrugged out of his touch. "I'll be fine."

"You know she didn't mean any of it." He stated, grabbing the towel I'd already used, wiping the blood from the few fresh cuts.

My response was quick and angry, "Then she should have kept her mouth shut."

He nodded, seeing me wince and roll my shoulder. Moving between the sink and the toilet, he gently massaging it, helping me relax a little. Sighing, I put my head in my hands, feeling so emotionally drained I just want to disappear. He stopped, wrapping his arms around me. Leaning into him, I gripped his forearm, pressing my forehead against his temple.

"He's gonna be okay." He told me softly.

"I know." I told him softly. "I'm just so…tired, Tobias."

"I know, Opie."

"Pen?" Claude said from outside the door.

Four raised a brow at me, "Talk."

He let me go, placing a kiss against my forehead before he stood and left. Claude waited only a few seconds before she stepped inside. She looked at me with a hurt expression. "Are you okay?"

"Nothing I haven't dealt with before." I replied as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I'm just not sure about all of this. And now with some meeting tonight about leaving…it makes it real."

"I know." I nodded. "Believe me, I was you not too long ago."

"What changed your mind?"

"Eric." I told her quickly. "He is amazing. He has his shortcomings but he is still amazing. And you didn't see his face after he shoved me. He didn't mean to do it. He was angry and hurting because his parents confronted him yet again. He's in pain, Claude. And it's a pain that no one can really understand or relate to. None of us really know what he's been through. And to be thrown right back into that…I can't say I wouldn't be reacting the same way."

"I know." She nodded. "And I don't blame him."

"You're just acting out." I stated with a raised brow.

"I'm sorry." She told me again. I nodded. "Do you still love me?" She added and smirked.

Looking up at her, I laughed lightly, "Of course I do, Claude. I'll always love you. But we'll never see eye to eye on everything either."

"I know." She nodded again.

Standing, I hugged her tightly. Going out into the other room, Terra looked pissed. She dragged Claude out into the hall, her yelling filtering through the door. I helped Henry and Four clean up the mess. Henry was keeping his mouth shut for now. We all knew that the results would be similar or worse than what had already gone down. We couldn't start fighting amongst ourselves. Not with the uncertainty of what we were going to do next.

* * *

 **HOPE YOU ALL HAVE BEEN ENJOYING THE STORY THUS FAR! PLENTY OF FUNNESS AHEAD! MUCH LOVE TOO ALL OF YOU!**


	8. Decision Made

**Chapter Eight: Decision Made**

When it came time to leave, I was pacing the room as we waited for Eric to get back. It had been over an hour and so far every time he'd left something had happened. He said the same was true for me. If that was the case then we both clearly needed supervision if we wanted to ever leave this room.

"We need to go." Four told me.

"I know." I nodded. "You guys go. I'll wait for Eric and we'll catch up."

"Are you sure?" Claude asked.

I nodded again, "I really am. I need to wait for him."

"Okay." Four said and moved toward the door. "You know the way?"

"I do. But Eric can get us there unseen."

"Okay." He smiled and kissed my forehead.

Henry stepped up to me and did the same, pulling me tightly against his chest. "Love you."

"Love you too." I smiled and watched him leave.

Once again pacing, I was about to burst from the room in search of him when he stepped through.

"Baby." I said rushing to him, throwing my arms around his neck. He hugged me tightly, burying his face in my neck. "Are you okay?"

"I am." He replied letting me go. He cupped my face in his hand, "Are you?"

"I'm fine." I told him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

He smiled, running his hand down my hair, "Yeah."

"Stop leaving me behind." I complained.

"Okay." He smiled.

"Did something happen?" I asked worriedly.

"Yeah." He nodded and held up my sketchbook. "I brought this to my parents."

"Eric." I frowned. "Stop confronting them." He was smiling at me adorningly. "What?"

He took my hand, running his thumb across the top of it. "I realized something and I needed to get it off my chest."

"And what was that?" I asked with furrowed brows, slightly cocking my head.

"I love you. You complete me and yet I hadn't fully appreciated you until the second you attacked your best friend in my defense." He told me. I was still frowning at him. "You would do anything for me. You've said it. But I'm still surprised when you prove it to me. You've been family to Claude for years and the second she verbally attacked me, you reacted as if it was aimed at you."

"What does that have to do with your parents?" I asked.

"They needed to know that I have found someone who loves me for me. Faults and all. Someone who can see past all my bullshit and still want to be with me. Someone who is my better half in every way. I found that person because I defected." He paused, his arm moving around my waist. I brought my good hand to his face, before running it across his hair and resting it on the back of his neck. "I actually thanked them for what they'd done because they were the reason I left and the reason I found you. You've changed me for the better. I know I fall every once in a while but you're there to pick me back up. Thank you, Pen. I'm grateful for you."

Leaning against him, I smirked up at him, "Eric?"

"What?"

"Will you marry me?" I asked him.

Both of us laughed but he pulled me tighter against him, dipping me as his lips found the hollow of my neck. Then they were against mine, kissing me deeply. "Yes."

"We'll get through this just like we have everything else."

"I know." He told me.

"And you're right. I'd do anything for you." I stated.

"I'd do anything for you too." He replied. "That's a promise."

"You're amazing." I beamed at him.

He laughed lightly, "And we're gonna be late."

I sighed and nodded, "You're right. Let's go."

"I'll get us there."

Leaving the room, Eric led us down halls I'd never been down before. Leaving the back of the building, we slipped into the dark alleyways. Running as silently as possible, soon Candor came into view. Walking in side by side, we took the stairs to the top, already hearing voices coming from the interrogation room.

"It's about time." Claude smiled at me.

"My fault." Eric replied.

"I'm sorry, Eric." She told him sadly.

He nodded and smiled at her, "I know."

Taking Eric's hand, I looked around the room. There's a circle of lit candles arranged over one of the Candor scales on the floor. There are more people here than I had anticipated. Most of them I didn't know. I recognized Susan from our time in Amity and Peter of course, Zeke and his brother Uriah are here, Tori is standing with them. But no one else was familiar. Not so far anyway. Christina is standing with a middle-aged woman and another young girl. There was a resemblance between them, so I could only assume that it was her family.

"Is it bad that I'm super anxious right now?" I asked Eric softly.

"No." He replied, his grip on my hand tightening.

Four was close to me, Tris having gone to meet Christina's family. I wasn't paying much attention to what they were saying, more concerned with everything else, but the room grew quiet and when Christina's sister spoke next I couldn't ignore her words.

"So you killed Christina's boyfriend."

My head jerked toward her and I can see Tris's struggle. Rushing toward them, Four's arm gripped me round my waist, "How dare you?" I shot at the little girl.

"Rose!" Christina scolded.

Both Four and I are at Tris's sides, tense and ready for anything. Feeling Eric's hand on my shoulder, I reached my hand back, feeling his thigh, shaking as I glared at the girl in front of us.

"I just thought we would air everything out. It wastes less time." Rose explained.

"And you wonder why I left our faction." Christina stated. "Being honest doesn't mean you say whatever you want, whenever you want. It means that what you choose to say is true."

"A lie of omission is still a lie."

"You want the truth? I'm uncomfortable and don't want to be here right now. I'll see you guys later." Christina took Tris's arm and we all moved away from her family. "Sorry about that. They're not really the forgiving type."

"It's fine." Tris told her.

"No it's not." I frowned at her. "She deserves her ass beat for a comment like that."

"Opie." Four said gently.

"What?" I shot at him. "Was she there? Did she see what happened? No. But I was. I was there the whole time and Tris did what she had to do."

"You saw it?" Christina asked softly.

I looked at Tris who shrugged, "I hadn't mentioned that part."

Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair. "Yes, I was there. She did what she had to do. I don't think I would have been able to shoot him. We'd probably be dead right now if she hadn't done what she did."

Christina kept my eyes for a long moment before she spoke, "Thank you."

I nodded, "Yeah."

Midnight had arrived and the door across the room opens and two people entered. My mouth fell open as I took in Johanna. The second is another woman in blue. I instinctively gripped Tris's wrist. I could feel her fear as well as my own. The woman looks strikingly like Jeanine. But she's dead. We both know she's dead. She's statuesque and blond, like Jeanine. A pair of glasses dangle from her front pocket, and her hair is in a braid. An Erudite from head to toe, but not Jeanine Matthews.

"Tris." I whispered. "Who is that?"

"Cara." She replied.

Frowning, I had to rack my brain until I finally remembered who she was. Will's sister. I was officially confused now. Were Johanna and Cara the leaders of the Allegiant? Why wouldn't Johanna have mentioned this to me sooner?

"Hello." Cara said and all talking stopped. She smiled at us, "We aren't supposed to be here, so I'm going to keep this meeting short. Some of you—Zeke, Tori—have been helping us for the past few days."

Jerking my head toward Tori, frowning, she just smiled and shrugged. She had to find some way to hold on to her leadership, and it looked like she'd found it. She and Zeke had played spy in Erudite; it would appear that some sort of bond had developed in their time together.

Johanna was next to speak, "Some of you are here because we want to ask for your help. All of you are here because you don't trust Evelyn Johnson to determine the fate of this city."

"Can I speak now and ask what's she's doing here?" A man I didn't know asked.

It took me a long moment to realize that he was pointing at me. "Excuse me?" I frowned.

"Watch yourself." Eric shot at him.

Johanna raised a brow at him, "Explain your meaning?"

"She's spent a lot of time with Evelyn. They've met on numerous occasions and from what I've heard Evelyn is attempting to recruit her to take Edward's place."

Scoffing, it took all of me not to rush the guy. Before I could say anything, Eric spoke, "She is as loyal to Evelyn as everyone else in this room. If you're going to accuse her of something you better have more to go on then rumors and be prepared to accept the consequences." He had taken a few steps toward him, who was now swiftly backing down. Smiling up at him, he stepped in front of me protectively. "Let's keep this going." He told Johanna.

Cara nodded and she touched her palms together in front of her. "We believe in following the guidance of the city's founders, which has been expressed in two ways: the formation of the factions, and the Divergent mission expressed by Edith Prior, to send people outside the fence to help whoever is out there once we have a large Divergent population. We believe that even if we have not reached that Divergent population size, the situation in our city has become dire enough to send people outside the fence anyway.

"In accordance with the intentions of our city's founders, we have two goals: to overthrow Evelyn and the factionless so that we can reestablish the factions and to send some of our number outside the city to see what's out there. Johanna will be heading up the former effort, and I will be heading up the latter, which is what we will mostly be focusing on tonight." She pressed a loose strand of hair back into her braid. "Not many of us will be able to go, because a crowd that large would draw too much attention. Evelyn won't let us leave without a fight, so I thought it would be best to recruit people who I know to be experienced with surviving danger."

Putting my hand on Eric's back, he reached behind, taking my hand. Hugging his arm to my chest, we met each other's eyes. It was the truth and yet we'd had our fill of danger. But we weren't stupid enough to think we were done with it.

"Christina, Tris, Tobias, Tori, Zeke, and Peter are my selections." Cara told us. "You have all proven your skills to me in one way or another, and it's for that reason that I'd like to ask you to come with me outside the city. You are under no obligation to agree, of course."

"What about Pen and Eric?" Tori asked.

"Peter?" Tris demanded at the same time.

"He kept the Erudite from killing you." Cara replied mildly. "Who do you think provided him with the technology to fake your death?"

"And us?" I asked her.

She looked at the pair of us for a long, agonizing moment, then she nodded, "Okay."

"What about Claude, Terra, Henry?" I added.

"We can't take everyone. Someone will have to stay behind and help Johanna." She replied.

"Unless you want to volunteer for that part." Johanna smiled at me.

My brows slowly furrowed and I was suddenly put in the middle a rope of a tug of war. I had promised Four that I'd leave the city with him. But now Johanna – a woman I love and trust fully – was asking me to stay. Gripping Eric tighter, I looked up at him. He looked just as torn as I was. He would stay if I stayed and I would go if he left. What were we supposed to do?

"We'll stay." Terra spoke when the silence grew unbearably heavy.

"Terra." Claude whispered.

"She's right. Evelyn will revolt against any move we make and Johanna will need our help. Henry is a badass fighter and you are just as smart as any Erudite. You would be an asset to the cause."

"You want to go." Claude frowned at her.

Terra met my eyes, seeing the pain and indecision. She smiled and nodded, looking up at Claude. "And you want to stay. You get your way this time."

"Thank you." Claude said and hugged her tightly.

"I thank you as well." Johanna smiled with a slight bow of her head. "Though I would have loved to work alongside Penelope."

"Sorry, Johanna." I told her. "I've made promises that I intend to keep."

"I understand." She nodded at me.

"That's a lot of Dauntless." A girl at the side of the room spoke, looking skeptical.

She had thick eyebrows that didn't stop growing in the middle, and pale skin. When she turned her head, you see black ink right behind her ear. A Dauntless transfer to Erudite, no doubt. Something I'd never seen and couldn't help but frown at her. She just looked awkward.

"True." Cara nodded. "But what we need right now are people with the skills to get out of the city unscathed, and I think Dauntless training makes them highly qualified for that task."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can go." Zeke spoke. "I couldn't leave Shauna here. Not after her sister just…well, you know."

"I'll go." Uriah added quickly, his hand popping up. "I'm Dauntless. I'm a good shot. And I provide much-needed eye candy."

I couldn't help by laugh, Tris as well, making us look at each other. He was charismatic, you had to give him that. Though Cara didn't look amused at all, but nodded, "Thank you."

"Cara, you'll need to get out of the city fast," the Dauntless-turned-Erudite girl stated. "Which means you should get someone to operate the trains."

"Good point." Cara replied. "Does anyone here know how to drive a train?"

"Oh. I do." The girl stated. "Was that not implied?"

"She's annoying me already." I whispered to Eric, hearing Tris snicker.

The plan started to weave together. Johanna suggested we take Amity trucks from the end of the of the railroad tracks out of the city, offering to give them to us. The guy with Susan offered to help her with it. Christina's family volunteered to monitor Evelyn's movements in the hours before the escape, and to report any unusual behavior to the Amity compound by two-way radio. My family and the other Dauntless offer to find weapons for us. The Erudite girl prods at any weaknesses she sees, and so does Cara, but soon all the gaps are full and we have a solid plan.

When all was said and done, there was only one question left.

"When should we go?" Cara asked.

For a long moment no one said anything, then Tris piped up, "Tomorrow night."

The crowd dispersed, watching as everyone made their way to an exit. For having come together, it didn't seem like those who weren't of the same faction wanted to be around the others for long. Not that I cared.

"Penelope." Johanna said softly.

Smiling, I stepped up to her, hugging her tightly. "Johanna."

"How are you?" She asked.

"I'm surviving." I nodded at her. "And you?"

She gently cupped my face in her hand, "Still happy to know you're still alive."

"Have you seen my parents?" I asked her.

She nodded, "I have."

"And?" I frowned.

"They're willing and ready to fight." She replied.

"What?" I frowned. "They can't fight."

"When I told them that you still live, it fueled their desire to leave Amity and come join you."

"They aren't here so I'm assuming that you talked them out of it." She just smiled and then a door opened, watching as my parents started to rush toward me. "Mom." I said with surprise. "Dad!" Rushing toward them, I threw myself into their open arms. "What are you doing here?" My mother was crying into me and my father's grip was painful. "Guys." I said pulling away from them. "You shouldn't be here."

"You're alive." My mother beamed at me.

"I am." I smiled. "I'm sorry about what happened."

"It wasn't your fault." My father told me with furrowed brows.

"It was mine." Eric said stepping up behind me.

My father's expression turned dark and he lunged at Eric. Moving just as quickly, I shoved my father back. I never thought the day would come where I'd act against my father, but here I was, watching him stumble backward.

"Don't." I told him with a sad expression. "Please don't do that again."

"Penelope." My mother said with a shocked expression.

My father stepped toward me, his expression angry, "This is the man who killed your sister!"

"I know." I nodded. "I know he is. But you also know that I love him."

"He killed your sister!" My father yelled. My mother was sobbing behind him.

"And I'm in love with the man that killed my sister." I told them, feeling Eric press against my back. "Hearing about her death was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. But so much has happened since. So much is about to happen. I am so sorry about Maggie. God, I'm so very sorry. But I love Eric." I stated with certainty. "I love him more than anything. I'm sorry if that hurts you or makes you never want to see me again, but I won't let anything happen to him." My father started to pace and my mother looked on the verge of hysterics.

Then my father stopped and pointed at me, "It should have ended the second you found out what he did."

Frowning harder, I shook my head, "You have no idea what he's gone through."

"I don't care!" He yelled at me.

Scoffing, I ran my fingers through my hair, "He's the least of your problems, Dad."

"Bullshit." He spat back at me.

"In this room, I'm pretty sure he's the one with the least indiscretions." I shot back at him.

My mother looked aghast, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about whatever you've been keeping from me. More than that, you should worry more about Hazel." I told them. They both faltered, looking at each other. "She's been put on trial for being the traitor she is. She is to be executed with the other traitors."

"Patrick." My mother said putting her hand on his arm.

"You knew about this?" My father frowned at me.

"I knew she was in a cell." I replied. "The rest of it I didn't know until today."

"Penelope." My mother said with fear in her eyes.

My father pointed his finger at me again, "This is your fault. If you hadn't defected than none of this would have happened."

"Dad." I frowned.

"Patrick."

"You can't deny it, Lilian!" He yelled at her. "She's going to be the only daughter we have left! How does that happen when she's the only one who defected?!"

"You have no idea what she's done or been through!" Eric yelled and stepped toward him.

"Eric, don't." I said gripping his hand. "Please."

"This is all your goddamn fault!" My father yelled and lunged at Eric again.

"No!" I yelled and put myself between them, feeling a fist against my cheekbone, sending me to the ground. Hearing Eric's feral yell, he went after my father. "Eric, don't!" I yelled. He already had my father on the ground, gripping him by the collar, his arm pulled back, ready to hit him. "Please."

He frowned but looked down at my father. "If you ever touch her again I will kill you." He hit him anyway before he got off of him and moved toward me.

His hands found my waist as I picked myself up off the ground. "You can blame me. I can't stop you. But before you decide, you need to know what's happened. What your precious eldest has done."

"Pen." My mother said holding her hand out to me.

"Not another step." Eric said and moved me behind him. "If either of you touch her without permission you will answer to me."

"Like Maggie answered to you?" My father shot at him.

Eric tensed but didn't move. Feeling tears in my eyes, it took all of me not to lunge at him myself. "You have no idea what's happened." I told them. "I owe my life to Eric. He saved me when Hazel was about to lead me to my death. She joined Jeanine in Erudite and was going to let her kill me."

My mother looked shocked and didn't seem to believe me. "She wouldn't."

"She would!" I yelled. "She told me that she didn't belong in Amity and that she belonged in Erudite. She abandoned you."

"Because of you." My father said but was calmer.

"Yes. Fine. It was because of me." I shot at him. "But do you know what they found in Erudite? Do you know what is beyond the wall?" They looked at each other, things starting to make sense. "You do." I stated and nodded. "That's how you know Tris's parents. That's why when you found out I was Divergent you tried to get me to leave. You knew all of it and you didn't tell me."

"What were we supposed to say?" My father asked, now looking guilty. "We were trying to protect you."

"Protect me?!" I yelled. "Look at me!" I tore my shirt off, showing them what I'd been hiding from them. The scars that I was protecting them from now blatantly obvious. "LOOK AT ME!" I screamed, tears starting to stream down my face. Both my parents started to cry, my father falling to his knees. "The only protection that I've received is from this man next to me. He has never left my side and he has never disappointed me or let me down. Eric is the only person I need." I told them before I turned my back to them, putting my shirt back on. "I would have loved to go through this with you. To fight next to you. But clearly that's not going to happen."

"Pen." My mom said sadly.

"No, Mom." I frowned at her. "This is a mistake."

"No." My father said swiftly moving to me, taking my hands. "Please, honey, don't do this."

"Faction before blood." I told him, pulling out of his grasp and moved next to Eric.

"The factions are gone." My mother stated.

"Not if Johanna succeeds. Those who want this life can have it. We're leaving."

"Pen." My father said pleadingly.

"Goodbye." I nodded at them. "I love you both. So much. I'm sorry about Maggie and Hazel. If we succeed in saving her life, I hope you'll think better of me."

Turning away from them, Eric wrapped his arm around me, pulling me tightly against his side. Leaning against him, letting him support the majority of my weight, I took a deep calming breath. He buried his lips in my hair as I put my hand over my mouth, leaning my head against his chest.

"It's okay, baby." He told me. "You did good."

As soon as we were a few blocks away, I stopped, stopping him with me, wrapping my arms around him as I cried into his chest. He enveloped me, making me feel warm and safe. Taking another deep breath, I calmed myself, stopping the tears even though I stayed pressed against his chest.

"You did good." He told me again.

"I thought that they would understand." I told him. "I thought we'd talk and they would accept you and they'd be okay with everything because I was alive and am going to keep Hazel alive. I thought this would make us stronger." Sighing, I meant to hug him tighter but I just felt as drained as I had earlier.

His grip tightened, his lips finding my neck before he let me go. Taking my head in his hands, he smiled before kissing me deeply. "We don't need them." He told me. "As long as we have each other."

Smiling, I wrapped my arm around his neck, my hand finding his face, "All I need is you."

"And you'll always have me." He told me, brushing my hair over my shoulder before gently touching my jawline.

"You'll always have me too." I replied before kissing him deeply. "I'm so in love with you. Thank you for always being there for me. Even when you don't agree with me."

"Always, baby." He replied. "You've been more supportive of me than anyone ever has been. We're together in this. We're together in everything."

"Thank you." I told him again as I pressed myself against his chest.

"Thank you." He replied, pulling me away from him. "We don't need your parents."

"I know." I nodded. "But I had still hoped to show you what having parents that love you was really like."

"I have you." He stated. "You're my family." Nodding, he smiled and kissed me again, "Come with me."

"To where?" I asked.

He just smirked at me, "Don't you trust me?"

Sliding my hand into his, I smiled up at him, "With my life."


	9. A Small Setback

**Chapter Nine: A Small Setback**

Staring at my mural with only a sheet around me, I remembered a simpler time. A time when this mural was something I looked at every day. Being able to work on it at any time, knowing what to expect from day to day because everything was at it should be. I had purpose. I had a job and a life. Then our world fell apart. Now we had no idea what to expect and in less than twenty-four hours we would be leaving the only place we knew. This room would never again be my home. This city would no longer be the world I lived in.

Getting to my feet, I stepped up to the wall, running my hand along it, letting my fingers trail against it as I turned and moved toward the many faces of Eric. Staring at it, I wished he had never left my bed the night Abnegation was attacked. If only he had stayed and told me what was happening. We could have run as far away as we could, avoiding the fight and so many things that had happened would never have happened. Neither of us would have had to fight for our lives and both of us would not be as scarred as we are today. Maggie would more than likely still be alive. God I wished we could go back to that night. It was a good night. Though this one had done well at challenging it.

"Baby?" Eric said groggily from bed.

"I'm right here." I replied, still staring at the wall.

"Baby, come back to bed." He replied, sounding like he was already drifting back to sleep.

Touching his face on the wall, looking at him in my bed, the mural did him no justice. Smiling, I stepped to the bed, crawling onto it. Draping myself on top of his chest, I stared down at him, running my finger from one side of his face to the other. The man himself was by far better than any drawing or painting could ever be. Leaning forward, I brushed my lips against his growing beard. It was nearly past the five o'clock shadow, but it suited him for where we were and what we were going to do. It made him more of a man than ever.

"I'm so in love with you, Eric." I whispered to him.

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he whispered, "Love you, baby."

Pressing my lips against his chest, I relaxed, falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat beneath my ear. As long as I could hear it every day of my life, I would be happy. As long as I had him I could survive anything. He was right when he said that all we needed was each other. Maybe I had been wrong when I told Evelyn that I needed more people than just Eric. He was all that mattered to me. I wanted my family and yet, I could survive without them. But not without him.

Waking, the sun was up and I found myself alone in bed. Laying on my stomach, I gripped his pillow, pulling it under by head and took a deep breath of it. Eric filled my senses and I couldn't help but smile. Hearing the door, I turned my head to see Eric with a plate of food. He was smiling, setting the plate on the bench at the end of the bed before crawling up to me. Rolling to meet him properly, I wrapped my arm around his neck, gripping his shoulder as he kissed me passionately. He tasted like coffee, making me suck his lip. He laughed lightly, pressing his face between my breasts, his lips against the scar that ran between them before he took the barbell between his teeth, his tongue circling it.

"Careful." I told him, gently gripping the back of his neck, running my hand up and down it. "We don't want that food to go to waste."

"Maybe I want to build up an appetite." He told me before he was trailing kisses down my stomach.

Soon his arm was around my thigh, his lips against the inside of it before he gently bit it. Quivering at his touch, I gripped the sheets on either side of me, arching my chest as he pleasured me. When he finally returned his lips to mine, I swiftly reached down, gripping him, massaging him until he was hard in my grasp. Holding it at my entrance, he pushed inside of me, rocking against me as I brought my knees up, my hands at his sides. Encircling his shoulders with my arms, I tilted my head back, his lips at my neck. Moaning with pleasure as we climaxed, he dropped himself on top of me, trailing kisses from my shoulder to my neck and finally to my lips where I eagerly awaited them.

"How are you doing in there?" He asked as his kissed my forehead.

"All I can think about is you." I smiled and kissed him.

He smiled, kissing me again, "Good answer."

Laughing lightly, I ran my hand across his hair, putting my hand against his face as he stared into my eyes. "How about you?" I asked kissing his forehead.

"In this moment I'd have to say the same as you." He said brushing his nose against mine. "You're too stunning not to think about constantly."

Laughing again, I brought my other hand to his face, "Can we just stay here?"

He sighed, running his fingers through my hair, "I wish we could."

"Why not?" I asked him sadly. "I can't go back there."

He frowned at me, continuing to run his fingers through my hair, "You can, baby. They need us. And today is the last time we're going to see our family for who knows how long." Sighing, I wrapped my arm around his as I stared at the ceiling. "Pen, we need to leave this place. We need to see what's out there. We need to do it for us. For the people we care about."

Scoffing, I didn't meet his eyes, "It feels more like we're running away. Escaping the people who've hurt us." He didn't say anything, feeling him rest his head against me. Sighing, I ran my hand across his hair before started to knead the muscles in his neck. "You have every reason to run. I'll run with you. I just wished things had happened differently."

"You and me both." He replied, his hands gripping my sides.

Moving out from under him, I moved down so I could meet his eyes, "I'm with you, Eric. I will always be with you."

"I know." He replied. "But remember that we're in this together. In whatever we decide."

"We've already decided, Eric." I stated. "But I'm inclined to do whatever you want despite what I think."

"Why?" He smirked.

"Because you're so damn adorable." I smirked back, kissing him deeply.

Fooling around for a while longer, moving between the bed and the shower, we embraced the last moments we'd have in this room. We were both going to miss it here. There were so many good memories that it was extremely hard to close the door after leaving it. But we did. We didn't have a choice. We needed to get back and we needed to make sure everyone was ready for what tonight would bring.

We walked through the Dauntless halls, going to the places where we had built our relationship. The Chasm. The dark hallways. The Parlor. All were quiet and empty. A shadow of the place we once called home. Finally walking the streets back to Erudite, Eric made sure we remained unseen, slipping in through a back door before we made our way to our room. Thinking our absence hadn't been missed, we weren't that lucky when we were stopped in the hallway by Evelyn's soldiers.

"Pen." One told me. "Evelyn would like a word."

"I don't answer to Evelyn." I retorted.

They looked at each other before they met my eyes, "It wasn't a question."

They reached for me only to have Eric quickly put them on their knees. Both breathing hard, one with a dislocated shoulder. The whole encounter lasted maybe twenty seconds. Looking up at Eric, I couldn't help but smirk. My god he was sexy. It quickly faded when my arms were grabbed, wrenched behind my back, watching Eric get hit on the back of the head, sending him to his knees.

Something was wrong.

"It wasn't a question." A voice said in my ear, the smell of alcohol reaching my senses.

"Oh god." I said before I was being taken away. "Eric!"

My shoulders were starting to pulse with pain the more I struggled against the man that held me. I didn't think he was capable of such strength. We weren't even near where Evelyn's office was. It was a ruse. They should have known better than to think I'd be fooled as to willingly go to Evelyn. Instead we went deeper and deeper into Erudite, being pulled out a door I didn't know existed, down an alley and into a broken down building. From there we went into the basement, seeing a light at the end of a dark hallway, a chair being seen. Struggling against them, I was forced through the door, into the chair, my arms and legs being bound to it.

"Kent." I said as he stepped in front of me.

"Whore." He replied.

Laughing, I shook my head, "You have no idea what you've done."

"Don't I?" He frowned. "I'm about to save my son from your influence."

Anger was starting to take over, jerking against the ropes, feeling them start to dig into me. "You don't give one shit about your son. Why are you doing this?" I shot at him. "You've done nothing but beat him down. Why am I such a threat?"

"He turned from his faction because of you."

"I am his faction!" I yelled at him. "He is not Erudite. He will _never_ be Erudite again. He's Dauntless. More than that he is mine and you will never take him from me."

"But we can take you from him."

Laughing again, I shook my head, "Jeanine tried and failed at that. More than once."

"You're originally from Amity, yes?" Adele said appearing from the shadows.

Frowning, I took her in. She had a fucking smirk on her face that I was dying to force off of her face. "Yes."

"When he came to us, he showed us a book full of drawings. All from your hand?"

"Yes." I repeated, wondering where the hell she was going with this.

"He thanked us for his childhood since that was the reason he defected and met you." She went on. "It was surprising how calm he was and how certain he was when he told us that he loved you. He was never meant to love anyone. He was raised for a job and he failed at it because of you."

"Raised for a job?" I shot at her. "You _raised_ your child to work for a mad woman?"

"Jeanine wasn't the first." She stated. "And he's not the only one."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I frowned, shaking my head as I attempted to wrap my head around all this.

"He knew his job. He knew what he was supposed to do." She went on. A horrible glare crossed her face, "Then he met you."

"Meeting me was the best thing that has ever happened to him." I snapped at her. "If it weren't for me he'd be dead." I stated. "He was succeeding at his job. He was finding and killing the Divergent. But he was outsmarted and misinformed about the capabilities of what we could do." I went on. "He was going to be executed for all the wrongs he has done. But I stopped them. I saved his life. Since then we've saved each other. We're happy. Why can't you just leave us the hell alone?"

"Leave us." Kent told the room.

Watching as the few men left, as well as his wife, he shut the door before turning to me. Frowning at him, in the next second my vision speckled as he backhanded me. Tasting blood, I licked the corner of my mouth, spitting the blood in my mouth at his feet. He opened a book that was on a table as he rolled up his sleeves. Furrowing my brows, I didn't know what he was going to do. He was Erudite. They were known for their brains not their brawn. But he was a known abuser. But if he kept this up long, I'd miss my window, and I would be stuck here. I just hoped Eric would leave with the others. He couldn't stay here. He needed to get as far from here as possible.

"Why are you really doing this? You don't care about Eric." I stated.

"You're right." He replied. "I never have."

"You are a real piece of work, you know that?" I shot at him. "If you have never cared about him then why are you doing this? It doesn't make any sense."

"Does it have to make sense to you?"

"Yes!" I yelled. "Tell me why I'm here, Kent."

"I don't have to tell you anything." He replied, turning back with a blade in hand. "I've never done this before, but I feel like I might enjoy it."

There was something familiar about the look on his face. About the way he was carrying himself. Then it clicked. "Were you Dauntless?" I asked him. He raised his eyes and met mine, danger in them. "You were." I nodded. "That actually makes sense. No wonder you can be so cruel."

He laughed, stepping toward me, fingering the edge of the blade. "It doesn't matter where I came from. I am loyal to my faction."

"What will torturing me give you?" I frowned at him. "All I see in your future is death."

Laughing again, he shook his head, "My boy won't find you in time for you to see it."

"Eric." I told him. "His name is Eric. He's not your boy or your son or anything else. His name is Eric."

"I truly believe you love him."

"And I truly believe that you are a crazy son of a bitch with a death wish." I retorted. "Even if he isn't in time, if you kill me he'll kill you without a seconds pause. You and your cunt of a wife."

Hitting me again, I felt the blade underneath my chin, his face close to mine. "Do not speak of my wife that way."

"What are you going to do, Kent?" I smiled at him. "Are you going to cut me?"

He leaned back, eyeing me before undoing one of my arms, forcefully turning my arm over and secured it again. "Yes." He finally replied before swiftly raking the blade across the soft flesh.

I attempted to not make a sound but by the fifth cut, a scream erupted from me. It seemed that's what he was waiting for, taking a step back. Looking down, blood was running down both sides of my arm.

"You bastard." I told him through clenched teeth. "Tell me why I'm here!" I yelled at him. "You're going to kill me anyway so why not just tell me?" Turning back to me, he held a pot, steam pouring from the top of it. "You've got to be kidding me." I said before the liquid was poured over my wounds. "Jesus! Enough!" I screamed. "Is this like unfinished business from Jeanine? Did she order you to finish the job if she were to die?"

He didn't reply but put two more cuts into my arm. "Seven."

"What?" I told him, trying not to shake from the pain.

"Seven is the number of times you should have died by now."

Shaking my head, I still couldn't figure out what the hell was happening. I needed to get out of here. I needed to get back and I needed to leave this fucking city. By now Eric would have gone for help. But my family alone wouldn't be enough. If Four was smart then he would go to his mother. At the same time that would only raise unwanted attention toward our little party. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I was screwed. If they knew what was good for them then they'd just leave. But I knew that Eric wouldn't. He would never leave without me. I needed him to go. I needed him to survive.

Without another word, he turned and left the room. My adrenaline started to wear off and pain started to pulse through my arm. Looking at the cuts, the blood kept dripping, the edges and surrounding flesh red, some of it sloughing away from the cut. There was no blistering yet, but it seared with pain every time I moved.

Trying not to focus on the pain, I counted them time and time again. I didn't know why seven was the number. What had happened seven times that should have killed me? The pain made it hard to focus and the room and hallway leading to it was quiet. Too quiet. What the hell were they doing? What were they hoping to gain from this? The only explanation was Jeanine. She'd known them and Eric since he was born. For all I knew she had sought out his parents as a failsafe in case we escaped. But when? Was it before or after we thought he was dead? When did she make them her rabid dogs? To save their own skins? Why?

"Help!" I yelled, though I didn't think it would do any good. "Somebody help me!"

Attempting to move in any direction, the ropes around my wrists and ankles left no room for movement. Screaming my annoyance, I continued to struggle against the ropes, needing to find a way out of here.

Hours seemed to pass but I had no idea how accurate that was. To pass the time, I attempted to count it, but that did nothing but annoy me further. Returning to my initial plan, I started screaming again, hoping some passerby or soldier or anyone would hear me. When it was starting to grow unbearable, I started to struggle again, screaming Eric's name. I was still screaming when the door opened and Kent walked in with an evil smirk on his face.

"He's not coming for you." He told me.

"I know." I retorted.

"But you want him to." He stated.

"Actually no, I don't."

"No?" He said with a raised brow. "You don't want him to come sweeping in to save your life?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"As much as I would love him to come in on a white horse, I'd rather he just stay away."

"Why?"

"Because." I retorted with annoyance.

His brows furrowed and he looked at me accusingly, "What do you have planned?"

"What are you talking about?" I shot back at him. "I don't want him to come because I don't want him to see you ever again. I don't want him to ever have to deal with you again. I want you and your fucking wife to die!" He chuckled, the blade once again being placed under my chin. "Do it." I told him. "Do it and get it over with. I only hope that I can watch Eric kill you when he finds out what you've done."

Feeling pressure, he was going to kill me, only before he could, the lock on the door shattered as it was kicked in. Factionless soldiers flooded the room and Kent was quickly taken away. I was untied and helped to my feet. Several stepped aside and Evelyn appeared.

"Pen." She said with worry, gently taking my head in her hands. "Are you okay?"

Wrapping my arms around her neck, I couldn't help but need a little comfort. Not only that but I was grateful to her in this moment. If she had been but five minutes slower, she might be bringing a corpse back instead.

"Thank you." I whispered into her ear.

"Are you hurt?" She asked, once again taking my head in her hands.

Furrowing my brows, I shook my head, "Just a little."

"Where?" She frowned. I held out my arm. "Pen…" She said taking it in both of hers.

"It's fine." I told her shaking my head.

"It's not." She replied. "Come on."

Wrapping her arm around me, she led me from the room. Reaching the street, she ordered two of her men to find Eric and Four, and bring them to her office, and to let the rest of my family know that I was okay. Not arguing with her, I let her lead me through the halls and into the library. I was happy to sit in one of her chairs and to have the door close behind me. I actually felt safe here in this moment. That seemed wrong considering what was going to happen tonight. Looking out the window, the sun was still high in the sky. Nodding to myself, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Pressing my thumb near the crook of my arm, I tried to slow the bleeding of the cuts in front of it.

"Here." Evelyn said handing me a glass of water.

"Thank you." I said taking my hand from my arm and accepted it, drinking it quickly.

"What happened?" She asked as she grabbed a cloth, wrapping it around my arm.

Shaking my head, I shrugged, "I don't know. I was grabbed in the hallway and forced to that room. Eric was with me but he was hit and before I could see what happened I was already apart from him."

"What did his parents want?"

I shook my head again, putting pressure on the cuts, "I don't know. The only explanation I can think of is that they were working as a last resort for Jeanine. To rid the world of the Divergent. She's dead but maybe that's what triggered everything. Maybe that's what made them seek Eric out and to cause all this trouble."

She looked at me a long moment before nodding, "That honestly makes quite a bit of sense."

"Really?" I frowned.

"Really." She replied with a small smile. "They wouldn't be the first to rise against us in an attempt to finish her work. They want to hurt those who killed their leader. Many still believe in what she was trying to accomplish."

"Why? Don't they know that it won't work? The Divergent aren't to be feared. We're the reason that this city exists."

"There's a lot we don't know." Evelyn told me sadly. "All I know is that people are still afraid and they're acting out."

"Are you telling me that you can't control them?"

"I'm trying to, Pen. But it's not as easy as it sounds."

"So this has happened before." I frowned harder. She sighed and nodded at me. "To other Divergent?" She nodded again. "Have any been killed?" She met my eyes but didn't respond. "How many?" I asked.

"Enough." She replied.

"Why haven't we heard anything about it?"

"Because I knew what kind of panic that would bring on. The rest of the Divergent would act against those who were attacking them. The peace that I've been trying to create would be shattered."

"Maybe it has to in order for this all to work."

"Pen." She smiled sadly.

Nodding, I took another deep breath. "Okay." I told her. "What's going to happen to them?"

"They'll rot in a cell until I decide to either kill them or keep them in a cell for the remainder of their days."

"Either one would be fine with me." I stated.

Her eyes fell on my arm. "They look painful." She commented.

"Very." I nodded. "The cuts alone would have been fine, but he poured near boiling water over them." Her brows furrowed heavily. "If you've never experienced it, it hurts like hell, and I wouldn't recommend it."

"Why would he torture you?"

"To cause me pain?" I replied as I shook my head. "To try and teach me a lesson before they killed. To hurt Eric. To hurt you. I don't know why, Evelyn. All I know is that I want them dead. More now than I ever did before." She nodded and sighed. Only before she could say anything, the door burst open. "Eric." I said as I stood, immediately finding myself wrapped in his arms. "Baby, I'm okay." I told him as he shuddered with anger.

"Where are they?" He shot at Evelyn. "I will kill them!"

"No." Evelyn said and stood from her chair. "I'll take care of them."

"Let me see." Four said holding his hands out to my arm.

Meeting his eyes, I shook my head, "No, it's fine."

Eric met my eyes and worry crossed his face. Unable to meet either of their eyes, Eric gripped my wrist as Four started to gently unwrap the cloth that was wrapped around it. Looking at Evelyn, she gave me a small reassuring smile. Feeling both men tense when they took in my arm, I looked up at Eric, reacting too slowly as he darted from the room.

"Eric, don't! Eric!" I yelled after him. "Tobias." I added looking at my brother. He rushed off and I turned to Evelyn. Shaking my head, I felt tears in my eyes. Then my name was said again and I turned to see Simmy. "Simmy."

"Sit." She told me.

"Your little healer is fascinating." Evelyn smiled.

Laughing, I nodded, "That she is." Though as soon as it came, I couldn't help but stare at the door, wanting Eric more than I could describe. "I'm okay." I told Simmy as she probed my wounds.

"I'll be back. Stay here." She told me and disappeared.

There was a long moment of silence before Evelyn broke it. "I see you've invited all your friends to stay in yours and Eric's room."

Looking at her, a pit falling in my stomach, I nodded, "We all feel better when we're together." I told her. "All this is new and with all the close quarters, it's nice to have a place where we can just be together."

She nodded, "I'm glad you all remain close. Even Tori was seen staying with you."

"She was my first family member after Claude and Henry. She's been there for me since the beginning."

"Since she told you what you were." She nodded.

I nodded in return, "She means the world to me. As does the rest of my family."

"I know." She smiled. "I'd give my life to feel half the love you all share, for my son to feel that way about me."

Feeling a small measure of guilt, I looked at her sadly, "I know. I feel sorry for you, Evelyn. But until a day such as that arises, Tobias has me. He'll always have me."

"Thank you." She told me.

Jumping, we both spun to the door as Four shoved Eric through it. "Let me go! Tobias!"

"Sit down!" Four yelled and shoved him in the chair next to me.

Eric leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he rubbed the knuckles of his hand before resting his mouth against them. He hadn't looked at me once. Watching him, I knew that he wasn't here. He was somewhere else, imagining his parents' blood on his hands. Unable to take the silence, I moved to my knees in front of him, rubbing his arms.

"Eric, it's okay. Everything is fine." I told him gently.

"It's not okay." He frowned, covering my hand with his, finally meeting my eyes. "It's so not okay that I don't even know where to start."

Leaning up, my hand found the back of his neck, putting our foreheads together. Taking a deep breath, he took one as well, releasing it together. Smiling, I kissed him slowly. When I started to lean away from him, his hand quickly found my neck, keeping me in place and kissed me again.

"Can we go?" He asked Evelyn.

She smiled and nodded, "Yes."

Gripping his arms, he helped me to my feet, pulling me tightly against his side. Turning to Evelyn, I smiled, "Thank you."

She nodded, her smile growing slightly. Feeling Four's hand on my shoulder, Eric kept me glued to his side as we left the office. Rushing back to our room, both men's eyes were constantly darting in every direction. Every time Eric thought he saw something suspicious, he'd tense and then relax again.

When we finally made it through the door, I rushed into Claude's open arms, "I'm okay."

"What happened?" Henry asked stepping up to Four. "Was it him?" He added with raised brows, pointing at Eric.

"Stop." I frowned at him.

"Was it his parents?"

"Henry." I shot at him.

He met my eyes before his moved to my arm. Claude was holding it, gently looking at the damage. In the next second I was moving, being thrown off balance as Henry attacked Eric. Feeling arms, Claude was pulling me back as the two men went at it.

"Stop it!" I yelled. "Dammit. Four!"

"Let them go at it." He said but was watching them closely. "This has been a long time coming."

Henry was on top of Eric, punching him repeatedly before Eric got the upper hand. Knocking him to the side, he kicked Henry's ribs until he fell onto his back. Straddling him, he started to punch the shit out of him. Only it didn't end there. They carried it from one side of the room to the other, breaking through everything that got in their way. It ended when Eric kicked Henry in the chest, sending him slamming against the already broken window. It caved under his weight and in the next second he was falling through it. Screaming, the rest of us rushed forward but Eric was already there, partially out the window, yanking Henry back through before we could even help him.

"Are you finished?" Eric shot at him.

He was lying on the floor, breathing heavily. "Yeah, I'm done."

Eric held his hand out to him, still glaring at him. Henry glared back before accepting his hand, getting back onto his feet. "And yes, it was my parents." He replied. "But if you think I had anything to do with it, I'll toss you right back out that window."

"I don't." Henry replied, taking a deep breath. "I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt Pen. You love her. More than that, she loves you. But you're not dumb enough to think that you're the only one who loves her."

Feeling annoyed, I glared at both of them, holding my arm out in front of me. Eric met my eyes, raising a brow at Henry. "No, I'm not. I know you love her. You've loved her longer than me." Then he was stepping toward him. "But I won the girl, and you need to get over it. Stop antagonizing me. Or her for that matter. We've all been fighting amongst ourselves and a lot of that has been because of me. I'm sorry about that. But we're all family in this room. You all more than me. You've done a good job at looking out for each other. You can't lose that now. Not when we're so close to being separated. When this is over you're still going to need each other."

Smiling, loving him in every way, I stepped up to him, "It's not just us. You're a part of this family and everything you've said applies to you too." He smiled and kissed me. Wrapping my good arm around him, I put my lips against his ear, "I love you."

Hugging me tightly, he pressed his lips against my shoulder before my neck, holding me as if I were the most precious thing he had. God knew that he was mine. "Let's get you looked at."

"Simmy was grabbing things but we left before she got back." I told him.

"I'll find her." Terra said with her hand on my arm.

Smiling, I hugged her tightly, "Thank you." Keeping Eric's hand, I walked to the bed, dropping down on the end of it. He bent his knee, sitting next to me, his leg pressed against my thigh. Looking at him, I smiled, "We should have stayed in our room."

He looked at me, his expression almost guilty, "I know."

"Does this change anything?" Henry asked.

We all looked at him before all eyes were on me. "I don't think so." I told them. "Evelyn did ask me why we were all in the same room. But she didn't seem suspicious about it, just curious."

"And your arm?" Henry frowned. "Maybe you should stay here until it's healed."

"We're only going to get one shot at this." I told him. "I'm going. Where's Tori?"

"She didn't say." Four replied. "She just said she'd be back before it was time to leave."

"Has anyone talked to Tris or Christina or anyone else?"

"No." Eric replied. "Most of the day has been spent looking for you." He added running his hand down my hair.

Meeting his eyes, I put my hand against his face, kissing him deeply. "I love you, Eric. I'm sorry about what happened."

"Don't apologize for that." He frowned. "It wasn't your fault. It was mine. Once again."

He stood, pacing as anger filled him. "Baby, it wasn't your fault."

"It was. Now you have another set of scars." He replied angrily.

"Eric, you didn't ask for it. We just need to get out of here." Four told him calmly. "By this time tomorrow we may be in a situation ten times as good as this one."

"What if we're not?" Eric replied. "What if it's worse and she's…" He started.

"I'm not as weak as you think I am." I shot at him. "I'm not something small and fragile that you need to protect. I love that you protect me but I can take care of myself."

"Like today?" He frowned.

"Are we really going to fight about this?" I frowned back at him. "I'm more than willing to let you be the man and take care of me. But I can handle things myself, Eric."

"I know you can, Pen. But this really is my fault. I can't help but feel guilty about it. Ever since Jeanine's death, things have been escalated and all of it has been because of me."

"No." I said getting to my feet and stepped up to him. "It's your parents fault. They are the ones responsible for all the bad that has gone down for us. But we're going to leave them behind and everything will get better. I'm fine. I probably won't even scar."

"You're gonna scar." Henry interjected. Both Eric and I shot him a glare. "Sorry."

"I'll tend to it and then I'll be fine." I told Eric. "Simmy will make me right as rain."

"What about Simmy?" Claude asked. "I'm assuming she's going to be staying here."

"Yeah." I nodded. "If you wouldn't mind keeping an eye on her."

"Of course." She nodded.

Sighing, I nodded, "Thank you."

We all looked at the door as Simmy burst in with an annoyed look, Terra trailing behind her. "I told you to stay." Simmy frowned at me.

"I'm sorry." I replied quickly.

"She's crazy." Terra told me.

Smirking, I couldn't help but laugh, "Your personality is truly showing itself."

"What did you expect?" She replied with a raised brow.

Sitting me back down on the bed, she set to debriding the dead tissue, making me cry out more often than I would have liked. Eric paced in front of me, his brows furrowed heavily. Every time I cried out he'd move toward me, only to stop and step back. I was tough. I could handle this. But the pain was fucking intense. More for him then me, I held my hand out to Eric. He swiftly gripped it and sat next to me, running his hand down my hair, pressing kisses against my temple as tears started to brim when the pain was starting to get to me.

"Jesus." I said bowing my head, gripping Eric's hand as hard as I could. Jerking a little, Simmy shot me a glare. Nodding, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"Don't you have anything to numb her?" Henry asked with an agonized expression.

"It's fine." I shot at him. Though I knew that none of them believed me. I was shaky and sweaty, too afraid to look down at my arm.

"Hold still." Simmy commanded.

Nodding, I endured a few more minutes of debridement before she meticulously applied a salve to help it heal. The cuts were superficial and didn't need stitching or anything. Finally looking down, it didn't look as bad as I thought it would. Definitely pink and painful, but not nearly as grotesque as I had been expecting. The salve was cooling and soothing, making relief finally move through me. Then she pressed gauze against it before wrapping it tightly.

"It's not as bad as you all think it is." She stated. "It might have seemed bad with her carrying on like that, but she's okay."

"Thanks." I smiled at her with furrowed brows.

"Hey, you're lucky. The water must have been sitting around for a little while before he used it on you."

Nodding, I took a deep breath, "What do you think about it scarring?"

"With this salve?" She said and shrugged. "Minimal."

Smiling, I nodded at her, "You think?" Then I couldn't help but frown. "Good. I'm sick of scars."

"It doesn't matter." Eric told me softly, running his hand down my hair.

"It does matter." I frowned at him. "We done?" I asked Simmy, pulling my arm from her hands.

"Yeah." She nodded. "You know the drill." She told me, handing me the container of salve and all the gauze and wrap.

I nodded, "I do."

Everyone was quiet before Simmy broke it. "I'm not gonna linger. Otherwise I'll just cry. I know you're leaving. I'm okay that you're leaving me here. Just…take care of yourself." She told me and left.

Bowing my head, I put my hand over the bandage. Eric pulled me against him, hugging my head to his chest. Gripping his bicep, I buried my face in his shoulder. It was becoming real. This whole thing was growing more and more real by the moment. In just a matter of hours we were going to leave this place. We didn't know what lay beyond the walls, but I had to hope that it was better than this. It had to be.


	10. Run

**Chapter Ten: Run**

Sitting in the broken window, I looked out over the city, taking it all in, knowing that this was probably the last time I ever saw it. We had no idea what to expect on the outside. We didn't know if we were going to live or die. We didn't know if the people that were out there would ever let us come back here. So much of what was to come was unknown. But we were going to go through with it. We were going to leave the city and hopefully find a better life.

"Are you scared?" Claude asked me.

"Of course." I smiled back at her with furrowed brows. "I'm terrified. But it's something we have to do."

"I thought we were going to be together." She told me. "I thought we were going to do this together."

I nodded at her, feeling emotion fill my chest, "I know."

"And now I'm staying here and you're going out there." She frowned, meeting my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I told her.

"Who's going to keep you out of trouble?" She smirked.

I smiled at her, "I guess Eric and Four are going to have to take up the mantle."

We both laughed lightly, then her face smoothed out. "In all seriousness, Pen. As terrified as I am to leave, I still thought it was going to happen. We're a team. We've always been a team. Since day one and now we're going to be separated for god knows how long. What are we gonna do?"

Sighing, I put my arm around her. "We're going to do what we need to. And I need you to help Johanna in any way that you can. Help her rally the people and prove to them that Evelyn is not the leader of the people. Show them that there is a better way. We don't have to live underfoot of anyone. We're our own people. Government should exist but it is up to the people to decide who that is. A dictatorship is not the way to go. Especially when they self-elect themselves into office."

"You sound like Johanna and Tori." She stated.

"They make sense."

"And what are you gonna do?"

"I'm going to go see what's out there and hope to god that it's better than what's in here."

"And if it's not?"

"Then I'm going to come back." I smiled. "This isn't forever, Claude. I would never just leave and never come back. I'll come back. Or I'll send word for you to follow. But we're family. I'm not abandoning my family."

"Okay." She nodded.

"Not you. Not Henry. Not Terra." I told her. "I'm not going to just disappear."

"Okay." She nodded again.

"Okay." Henry said appearing on the other side of me.

"Hey." I smiled.

"Hey." He said and grinned at me. "Are we doing the goodbyes?"

"No." I told him, shaking my head. "We're just talking."

"About you leaving." He frowned.

Wrapping my arm around his neck, I pulled him to me, pressing a kiss against his temple before resting my forehead against him. "I'm coming back."

"You better." He smirked as he met my eyes. "If you let anything happen to you I'll kill you."

Laughing lightly, I smiled at him, "Agreed."

"I love you, Pen." He told me. "I always will."

Swallowing the emotion that was rising, I nodded at him, running my fingers through his blond locks, "I love you too, Henry. You're one of my most favorite people."

"Stop." He smirked. "You're gonna make me get all emotional."

Laughing, I nodded at me. "Okay."

For a long while we just sat there and reminisced about our life together. Laughing about our initiation. Fighting through the times when we'd all thought we'd known best. In the end we even shed a few tears for the distance that would soon be between us. The one thing we didn't blatantly do was say goodbye. This wasn't goodbye. We were going to see each other again and everything was going to work out in the end. I had to believe that. In order to leave them, I had to believe that everything was going to work out and that we'd all be together when it was all over. We all would have to fight for it, but I knew that we were all willing to do it.

Even when Terra took a seat at Claude's side, we sat and talked as if nothing bad was going to happen. It was nice to spend a little normal time together. It felt like it did when we ate dinner together every night. When they would come see me for tattoos or when we'd spar in the training room. It felt like the nights we all spent in each other's rooms, knowing that we would always have each other. It felt good despite the cloud of uncertainty that was hovering over our heads. I'd take what I could get. I'd ease their minds and take away as much pain as I could. I'd look out for them. I'd look out for them for as long as I could. I knew the same was for them and I couldn't have been more grateful of them. I truly loved my family. It was a terrifying thought to leave them. But I knew I had to. And I wouldn't be alone. I'd have Eric with me. As well as Four and Tris, and even Peter for whatever he was worth. The point was that none of us were going to be alone. We'd be apart but we still had each other. It was going to be okay. All of it was going to be okay.

When the sun was low on the horizon, I stood at the broken window, letting the wind pass over me. Everyone was whispering, the tension of our impending departure tangible in the air. My mind was going through the plan over and over again, looking for any holes that needed to be fixed before the time came to execute it. Thinking of all the ways it could go wrong and what we'd have to do to make it work.

Four and Eric were going to go to the cells to get Caleb and Hazel while the rest of us went to the train. I had every confidence that Four could get into the cells and out without any trouble. Eric was easily recognizable as a close friend of Four's, making the only problem I had with the plan the fact that we wouldn't be together. I had to come to terms with the fact that we couldn't always be together, but the fact that I wanted to be was something. I'd found someone I could literally spend every minute with, even if we weren't always happy with each other.

Once they joined us on the train, the rest was just a matter of moving fast enough. We'd get off in Amity, make it through the gates to the outside and then run like hell. We'd have help along the way. Claude, Terra, and Henry would accompany us to make sure we got out okay, covering our backs as we disappeared into the night. Johanna would meet us with trucks, driving us to the edge of Amity. Then we would be on our own. Then we'd leave our home behind and move on to find a better way. Then we would see what was out there waiting for us.

Looking at the bed, Eric was still sleeping. We all took turns in getting some sleep since we didn't know how long we'd have to be awake for once we left these walls. And those left behind were to keep watch before Johanna implemented her part of the plan. Not that we knew the ins and outs of either plan. All we knew was that we needed to get out.

"How you holding up?" Tori asked as she stepped next to me.

"I don't know." I replied, trying not to itch my arm.

She wrapped her arm around me, "I'm sorry if I've ever disappointed you or made you think less of me or ever thought that I thought less of you. If that makes sense."

"It does." I nodded. "But don't be ridiculous. Even if any of that were true, I love and adore you. Nothing could make me love you less."

"Okay." She smiled, running her hand down my hair.

"And don't talk like that." I frowned at her. "You make it sound like something is going to happen to you."

"Just in case."

"Well stop it."

"Pen." Four said softly. "It's time."

"Okay." I nodded, looking at Eric. Sighing, I stepped to the bed. Sitting on the edge of it, I put my hand against his back as I leaned down, whispering into his ear, "Eric. Baby, it's time to go."

"Pen." He whispered.

Smiling, I kissed his neck and then his temple, "Eric."

"Don't ever leave me." He said with furrowed brows.

He was dreaming.

"Eric, baby, wake up." I told him gently.

"Please."

Pressing my forehead against the side of his head, I let my lips brush against his ear, "I will never leave you. I love you, Eric. I'm right here. Just wake up and you'll see."

In the next moment, I had to fly backward to avoid getting hit. He looked at me and before I could say anything I was in his arms. He was shaking and for a moment I second guessed everything. I didn't think I'd ever get used to the moments when he was afraid. Only then I calmed, running my nails up and down his back to calm him as well. His breathing was rapid as he buried his face in my neck.

"I'm right here, baby." I told him. "Everything is fine. You were just dreaming."

He let me go, gently taking the wrist of my injured arm, "And yet it's coming true."

"Stop." I frowned at him. "I'm okay." Kissing him sweetly, I ran my hand down his face and to his neck. "Time for you to go." He nodded and got off the bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before he slipped his hand into mine. "You ready?" I asked him.

"Yeah." He nodded with a raised brow.

"Be careful." I told him.

He wrapped me in his arms, his face in my neck, feeling him take a deep breath. "I love you, Pen."

"I love you, Eric." I replied before I was kissing him.

"Alright, lovebirds, let's get this show on the road." Tori interrupted.

Letting him go, I took a step away from him. "Right. Take care of each other." I told him before looking at Four.

"You have my word." Four said pressing a kiss against my cheek. "Let's go." He told Eric.

He took a few steps before stopping and turning to me. "You be careful too."

"I will." I smiled at him.

"And when I get back to you, you never leave my side, got it?"

"I got it." I smiled wider.

He nodded, staring at me. "Love you."

Laughing lightly, I shook my head at him, "I love you. Now go, Four is waiting."

He nodded and the pair of them disappeared from the room. Taking a deep breath, we all stood awkwardly as we waited the decided time until it was our turn to leave. Packing a small bag with the few extra shirts and some medical supplies, I slipped my sketchbook, pencil, and the salve into it as well. Then came the gun, placing it in the back of my pants.

"Let's go." Tori said softly, nodding at me.

Staggering our departure, we all met down on the street, moving through the pre-decided route to the tracks. We were forced to hide to escape the factionless patrols but overall it was a pretty quick and easy run to meet up with the others. When we get to our rendezvous point, I could see several people standing in the shadows. Racing toward them, I couldn't help but feel excited.

"Tris." I said softly.

It was amazing how much things between us had changed. I genuinely wanted to be with her. I found a certain level of relief in her presence. I didn't know if that was because the men we loved had bonded so well or if it was because of our shared Divergence. Either way, I was happy to finally be reunited with her.

"Pen." I heard her reply.

Then I was hugging her. This girl I used to loathe has become practically a sister to me. Greeting the others, we all stood there, eagerly awaiting the train.

"So far so good?" Tris asked.

I nodded, "Yeah. So far."

"I thought they weren't coming?" Uriah frowned; the only thing I could see is the white of his teeth moving in the darkness.

"They are only coming so far." I told him. "Call them plan B."

"Won't they bring unwanted attention?" He went on.

"No." I frowned. "They can handle themselves. They are Dauntless after all. And if we're followed or anything, they'll cause a distraction to make sure we get out."

"I don't like it." He replied.

"You don't have to." Tris told him before I could. "They're family who has volunteered to stay behind. They deserve a little bit of closure and if that's following us as far as they can then so be it."

"Thank you." I smiled at her.

"Lock it up." Tori told us, the headlights of the train coming in the distance.

Staring at the train, we needed to get into the last car. Jogging next to it, one by one, we all pulled ourselves in. Moving deeper inside of it, my arm burned and I wanted nothing more than to be back in Dauntless, in my old room with Eric in my bed.

"He'll be back soon." Tori told me. "Everything is right on schedule."

Nodding, I moved to the edge of the car, watching the city go by. She appeared at my side with that concerned look she liked to give me. "I'm fine."

"Every time you say that I know the opposite to be true." She smirked at me.

Smiling, I nodded, "I'm just anxious. What if they follow us? What if they attempt to stop us?"

"We'll run that much faster and we'll get out." She replied. "Are you worried about seeing Hazel?" She asked.

Laughing, I nodded, "Yeah. I told my parents that I'd save her life. I didn't think that part of the deal was taking her with us."

"I know. But you might find some common ground."

"I don't want to find common ground." I frowned. "I might not want her dead, but I don't want to be around her either. She is a traitor and was going to let me die. Just because I can't let her die doesn't mean our sisterly bond is still intact."

"I know." She said putting her hand on my shoulder.

"I want Eric." I told her, feeling emotional.

"What happened to your arm?" Tris asked me, stepping up on my other side.

Looking at my arm, I gently touched it; the effects of the salve had worn off, making it twinge if I thought about it too much. "Long story."

"Shorten it up for me." She frowned.

Sighing, I nodded, moving to that back of the car and took a seat. She followed, sitting next to me. "Everyone warned me about falling in love with Eric. He was evil and not worthy of caring about."

"But you showed us that that wasn't true." She smiled.

"I did." I nodded. "But being in Erudite has revealed strings that I hadn't anticipated."

"His parents." She replied with disdain.

"They grabbed me, took me to a room in the basement of an abandoned building." I told her. "His father wanted to save him from me."

"They don't give a shit about him." She replied angrily.

"I know." I nodded. "And they admitted to that. But I think Jeanine had gotten to them and put in place a contingency plan. She wanted me dead and she found the perfect people to see it done." Looking at my arm, I sighed, "He cut me and burned me. But I'm gonna be fine."

"You always are." She nodded, putting her hand on my arm. "What did Eric do?"

"He's freaking out about it. He feels guilty. He's showing his usual tough exterior, but his parents have had more of an effect on him then he's letting on. Not to mention I had a falling out with my own after the meeting last night."

"What?" She frowned.

"Things suck, Tris." I told her with furrowed brows. "Things suck and now we're going into completely uncharted territory."

"It'll be better." She smiled at me.

Meeting her eyes, I smiled, "It has to be."

"Eric and Four should be coming on any minute." Claude said sitting on my other side.

Looking at her, I smiled, "Thank you, Claude. For everything."

"Don't." She frowned.

"I'm not saying goodbye." Henry stated stepping in front of us.

Smiling, I looked up at him, "I'm not asking you to."

He nodded, "Just making sure."

Laughing lightly, I sprung to my feet when Tori stepped away from the door, "Incoming."

Staring at the door, I felt anxious and excited. I wanted Eric but knew that with him came Hazel. Deciding here and now that I wasn't going to let her hold any control over me, she was launched into the car. She stumbled forward, falling to her knees in front of me.

"Pen…" She said looking up at me.

Frowning down at her, my chest was heaving, unsure of what I was going to do. Then Caleb appeared, pulling himself into the car. He looked around before swiftly moving to Hazel's side, helping her to her feet. I felt disgusted as I watched his arm encircle her waist, pulling her against him as he moved to the back of the car. Then Four was inside, swiftly moving to Tris who grabbed his collar, pulling him in to kiss him.

"I always loved watching you do that." I hear her tell him.

For a second I felt panic, only then Eric pulled himself inside, breathing hard with a frown on his face. Only the second his eyes met mine, the frown disappeared and he smiled at me. Unable to stop the grin that crossed my face, I rushed forward, launching myself into his arms. He held me firmly against his chest. My hand moved to the back of his head, running my hand down it as I buried my face in his neck.

"I love you." He whispered into my shoulder.

"Not as much as I love you." I whispered back, leaning away so I could press my lips against his. "I'm so in love with you I can hardly stand it."

He chuckled lightly, kissing me again, before setting me back onto my feet. His fingers disappeared into my hair and he stared at me with such an adoring look. The train car and everyone in it faded away and for a moment it was just him and me.

"Pen." A voice said. "Pen." The moment was ruined as my sister's voice reached my ears. Turning my head toward her, I couldn't help but glare. "I don't understand." She told me. "Aren't they leading us to our death?"

"Is this what you had planned?" Caleb demanded from next to her. "For her to be here when you kill me? That's—"

"Kill him?" Tris asked looking up at Four.

"Yeah, I let him think he was being taken to his execution." He replied loud enough for all to hear. "You know, sort of like he did to you in Erudite headquarters."

"I…it isn't true?" Caleb asked, his face lit by the moon, is slack with shock.

"No." Four replied. "I just saved your life, actually."

"And you saved mine?" Hazel said with a frown as she looked at Eric. "I don't understand."

Caleb started to say something but Four interrupted him, "Might not want to thank me just yet. We're taking you with us. Outside the fence. Both of you."

"What?" Hazel replied. She looked more shocked about this than being saved from execution.

Both of them looked like they were going to be sick. They had fought against this very thing from happening. Jeanine had wanted to keep the world outside the wall from everyone. Out of fear and ignorance. The same that filled the two traitors in front of us. I was starting to second guess saving them. But this would be far worse a fate to them than death. I hoped they suffered since death was too easy, and by the look of them, their Erudite minds were thinking through their options, realizing that they only had one.

"Are you okay?" Eric asked softly.

"I don't know." I replied, forcing my eyes from the couple in front of us.

He wrapped his arm around me, leading me as far away from the others as he could. "We were followed." He told me with worry.

Taking a slow deep breath, I nodded, "Okay. Then we'll have to be that much more careful."

He nodded, "I have to admit that I'm getting eager to leave the city."

Smiling, I brought my hand up to his face; I could feel his tension leaving him with every passing moment. "As soon as we are outside the walls we can start to build our life. We can forget everything that's happened in the past. Leaving those who have hurt us behind."

He smiled, kissing me sweetly, only then a frown crossed his face and he looked toward the others in the car. "As well as those who've become family."

Following his eyes, I looked at Claude and Terra and Henry. They were talking to Tori, a sadness settling around them and yet we all knew that it was for the best. They would make sure we got out of the city, only to return to it in hopes of overthrowing Evelyn and putting the factions back in place. There would be much unrest in the city. I prayed that the life we were moving toward was as peaceful as we hoped. Something good had to come out of all this.

It felt too soon when Four announced our arrival at the Abnegation sector. Taking a deep breath, Eric and I stood from the corner we had been huddled in. I had been perfectly comfortable in his lap with his arms wrapped around me. Stepping up behind Tris, Eric behind Four, we looked out as the train started to slow.

"Pen." Claude said softly from behind me.

Turning to her, I smiled before wrapping my arms around her neck. "Claude."

"It's almost time." She told me.

"You should have stayed back at headquarters. I'm starting to think you guys tagging along was a bad idea." I replied, releasing her.

"No, we're with you." Henry replied.

Turning to him, I sighed, putting my hand against his face, "Thank you, Henry."

"For what?"

"For being there. No matter what's been going on."

He scoffed and nodded, a small smirk on his face. "I'm sorry, Pen. I haven't lived up to your expectations of me. It's my fault. I shouldn't have let jealousy get in the way."

Smiling, I shrugged at him, "It didn't really get in my way. I did what I wanted. If you let it get in your way then that's on you."

He laughed and shook his head, "Sweet till the end."

"What end?" Eric frowned, his arm brushing mine.

"Not yours." Henry replied. "Or hers." He added, looking at me fondly.

"I know." Eric replied with a raised brow, his arm moving around my waist.

Smiling up at him, I furrowed my brows, "You're not jealous are you?"

"What?" He frowned. "No." I laughed, and leaned into his side, resting my head against his chest. "I got the girl."

Laughing again, I looked up at him, feeling warmth fill me as his lips met mine. "I love you."

He put his lips next to my ear, "And I love you."

"Guys." Tori said and we all moved toward the open door of the car.

Eric's arm was still tightly around my waist as he put his hand against the side of the car, looking out into the distance. For a long moment I just looked at him. His brows were furrowed and concentrated. His full lips were perfectly curved and kissable. His eyes were bright; the length of his eyelashes mesmerizing when light touched his face. The tattoos on his neck were visible, the top of them being invaded by the beard he had yet to shave, making me think of the hard Eric that I used to know. He was still there, but the Eric that he showed the world now was so much kinder and…amazing.

"You're staring." He said softly, a smirk crossing his lips.

God I wanted to kiss him. "I can't help it. You're a beautiful man."

He laughed lightly and turned to meet my eyes, the blue of his sending a shiver through me. "Not in comparison to you."

Laughing, I leaned against his chest as we watched the buildings give way to fields, fireflies dancing through them. Letting everything else fall away, I listened to Eric's heart, felt the rise and fall of his chest as we watched the scenery. I knew it by heart. I'd grown up in fields like this. There was a certain level of tranquility in seeing them now, knowing the uncertainty of every moment that was ahead of us.

"It's time." Four told us.

Looking at him, I took a deep breath, before meeting Eric's eyes. He nodded and pressed a kiss against my forehead. Four turned and pushed Caleb and Hazel to the edge of the car. Taking a step back, I felt Henry push his arm against the back of my shoulder.

"You two first. On my mark!" Four told them with his authoritative voice. I couldn't help but smile. It'd been a while since I'd heard it. "And…go!"

He shoved Caleb first and then Hazel when she didn't immediately follow. Laughing, I watched Eric go next, followed by myself. Landing easily, barely having to jog to keep steady, I turned to see Claude, Terra, and Henry right behind me. Watching the car go by, I finally saw Four leave it, then Tris after another long second. Eric turned on a flashlight and blinded me with its beam. Squinting, I shoved him, hearing him laugh.

"Tris!" Christina called as she and Uriah came toward our little party. He had a flashlight as well, with more people following behind them with more lights.

"Did your brother make it?" Uriah asked.

"Yeah." Tris replied, looking to where Four had gripped Caleb's arm.

Henry took Hazel's, yanking her to her feet. She's shaking and her eyes are wide with shock. I should feel the need to comfort her but I can't bring myself to do it. Eric nudged me forward and the two groups came together.

"Not sure why an Erudite like you can't get it through his head but you aren't going to be able to outrun me." Four's telling Caleb.

"He's right," Uriah smirked. "Four's fast. Not as fast as me, but definitely faster than a Nose like you."

Christina laughed. "A what?"

"Nose." Uriah touched the side of his nose. "It's a play on words. 'Knows' with a 'K,' knowledge, Erudite…get it? It's like Stiff."

"The Dauntless have the weirdest slang. Pansycake, Nose…is there a term for the Candor?" Christina asked him.

"Of course." Uriah grinned. "Jerks."

Tori stepped up to my side, "I forget how young these guys are." She told me.

I scoffed and nodded, "Yeah. And they are the fate of our little mission."

"No." She replied. "If we have to, we can do this with just the six of us."

Frowning, I met her eyes, "And abandon the others?"

"If push comes to shove and we need to get out, then we get out." She told me with full seriousness.

Keeping her eyes, I finally nodded. "Okay."

"Yeah?" She asked, needing me to say it.

"We get out with or without everyone. But we need to try and keep Four and Tris with us."

"Okay." She nodded. "All right." She said getting the attention of the rest of the group. "Johanna and the trucks will be about a ten-minute walk from here, so let's get going. And if I hear a word from anyone, I will beat you senseless. We're not out yet." Then Tori is looking at me. "It's time. Say your goodbyes and be quick."

Nodding, I turned and swiftly embraced Claude. "I love you so much." I told her.

"I love you too." She replied, hearing heavy emotion in her voice.

"Pen." Terra said embracing me next. "Thank you for everything. I hope we see each other again."

"Me too. Love you." I replied.

For a second I hear Claude and Eric saying their goodbyes, only then I looked at Henry who already has a tear sliding down his cheek. Laughing lightly, I wrapped my arms around his neck, breathing him in as I ran my hand down the back of his head, gently gripping his hair.

"I love you more than you'll ever know." I told him. "I leave knowing that we are good, Henry."

"I love you, Pen. I've always loved you. And I will always love you." He told me as he buried his face in my neck.

Laughing again, I took his head in my hands and kissed him. He kissed me back before once again embracing me. "Be good." I told him as I tried not to cry.

"Stay safe." He replied.

"Baby." I heard Eric say from behind me.

Letting Henry go, I put my hand against his face, smiling at him before quickly retreating. I stood back and watched Eric shake Henry's hand. Telling him something that I couldn't hear. As soon as he turned toward me, I can see that my family truly had become his as well. Waving to my family, I followed Eric, moving away from what I knew and in the direction of a new life.

Catching up to the others, Tori is in the lead, looking ready for a fight. The flashlights are giving off enough light to see the majority of our party. I see Hazel pressed against Caleb, his arm around her, making me frown. Then I looked to Tris and Four, now smiling. I couldn't deny that they were perfect for each other. And now we'd be able to be with the people we loved without anyone trying to stop us.

Before long Tori is out of sight but I can see her flashlight bouncing with each step. Feeling anxious, I picked up my pace, closing the gap between us. Eric was so close to me that I could feel his arm brush mine every other step. We were all eager to leave this place, but I didn't like the distance between us right now.

My heart rate was just starting to come down, my anxiousness starting to ebb away, when the first shot went off. I watched Tori arch backward before forward, falling to the ground. Freezing, I waited for her to get up. But she didn't.

"Split up!" Four yelled over the cries from those around us. "Run!"

Everyone was panicking, running to get away, and yet…I couldn't move. Only then my arm was grabbed and I'm running. Only instead of running away, I ran to Tori. Falling onto my knees, I turned her onto her back. Tris appeared at my side, gripping Tori's fallen flashlight.

 _She's worried about the flashlight?_

"Tori." I said as I took her head in my hands.

Looking at her, a bullet hit her in the stomach, another in her chest. Screaming now, I gripped her, knowing there was no saving her from this. Her eyes were moving rapidly behind the lids of her eyes. Then she finally opened them and met mine.

"I love you, Tori. Thank you for everything you've ever done for me." I told her quickly, knowing that we didn't have long. She didn't say anything, she simply furrowed her brows. Nodding, tears streamed down my face. "Okay." Taking her hand, she squeezed it as tightly as she could and I felt like I was breaking her fingers with the force I gripped hers.

Hearing someone approaching, Tris brought the flashlight up and the beam illuminated a woman wearing a factionless armband. She's holding a gun, pointing it at Tris's head. Only then Tris is firing, hitting the woman in the stomach, causing her to scream and fire blindly into the night. I crouched over Tori protectively; only when I look down…she was gone. Sobbing, Tris tugged on my arm as she sprinted away. Darkness encompassed me and I could hear more steps approaching. I needed to run. I needed to get out of here.

Looking around me, I can make out the shapes of three people, seeing their guns as they came closer. I knew that I was about to die. This wasn't how I had planned it. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Keeping Tori's hand clutched in mine, I waited. Then a beam of light appeared and I heard my name. Raising my head, panic started to flow through me. He shouldn't have to see this. He needed to run.

Only before he could reach me and before they could shoot me, other shots were heard and I was knocked out of the semi-circle they had me in. In the next moment, an arm was around my waist, and I was being dragged backward. Eric's voice was in my ear, but the only thing I can see is Henry being illuminated by the flashlights beam. He's on his knees next to Tori, his hand covering hers. From behind him, at least a half dozen people are appearing from the darkness. Half of them training their guns on him while the others are still pointing toward us.

"Run." Henry called. "RUN!"

I hear the shots but don't see what happened. "No!" I screamed, being turned away from him. My breathing became prominent in my ears, Eric gripping my hand as we ran. I didn't know how I was running. All I can think about is Tori lying dead and Henry…Henry…

Seeing a light ahead, Eric is running so fast that I stumbled, needing him to support me to keep me moving forward. Thinking we were just reaching the others, I realize that it's headlights. Then the sound of the engine reached us and Eric drove us forward as fast as humanly possible. Ignoring the ache in my legs and the imploding feeling of my lungs, I managed to keep hold of his hand.

The others are already getting into the truck. I honestly wasn't aware of much, but I heard Tris telling them that Tori was dead. I turned my head toward her as Eric scooped me up and put me in the back of the truck. I hear Johanna's voice but I'm not listening to anything their saying. Eric said something to them, anger in his voice, and then he's with me as the truck lurched forward. Wrapping his arm around me, he pulled me against his chest. My eyes are dry, telling me that I need to blink, but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to do it.

"It's okay." He whispered in my ear.

Gripping him tightly, I just stared out the back of the truck, only then I felt warmth run down my arm. Furrowing my brows, I finally blinked, looking to see red making a line down my arm.

Blood.

Sitting up, I turned to Eric, "Are you hurt?" He frowned looking at his arm. "Baby." He met my eyes but didn't say anything. "Sit forward." I told him. "Eric, baby, sit forward." He did and I quickly ripped his shirt open where there was blood on his shoulder. Shaking set in as I took in the hole on the back of his shoulder. "There's no exit wound." I said feeling like I was about to lose everything. "…Eric."

"I'm okay." He finally told me. Putting my hand over my mouth, a silent sob escaped me as I gripped the back of his neck. "Baby, I'm okay." Shaking my head, I put my hand against the side of his face, pulling him to me, resting my forehead against his temple. "Pen." He said softly, his fingers sliding into my hair. "Baby."

The truck started to slow before stopping. I hear the doors to the truck open and voices. Lifting my head, tears are hot against my cheeks as I see Tris with her arms around Four's neck. His arm is slick with blood but he's okay. Everyone else is there as well. We only lost two this time. One who should have never been there. It was my fault.

"Is he hurt?" Christina asked. Without replying, I showed her the blood on my hands. "Cara!" She yelled and then was in the back of the truck.

As soon as Cara was there, she was asking Eric questions, pushing me back so she could tend to him. Practically falling from the back of the truck, I dropped to my knees, staring out over the fields. My eyes kept looking at everything but I couldn't hear anything. Not even my breathing or the sound of my heart beating. Only a slight ringing while my mind kept showing me what I already knew but couldn't come to terms with.

Tori was dead.

Henry…

…Henry.

He was more than likely dead as well. We had said all that was needed to be said. He saved my life at the cost of his. But…maybe…maybe they didn't shoot him. Maybe they took him back to Evelyn where he could rot in a cell. Maybe Claude and Terra would get him out and make a run for it. Maybe they were going to join us after all. Maybe he was okay. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it looked. Maybe…

All at once sound returned to my ears, the pain of my loss crashing down on me like a tidal wave. The force of it so much worse than anything I'd ever felt before. Throwing my head back I started to scream. Screaming as I bent over, pressing my forehead against the ground. There were voices and urgent words, but I didn't pay any attention to them. I was pulled backward, my arms being gripped and a hand moved over my mouth. It did little to quiet me. In the next moment, my voice was cut off, darkness following.


	11. What Lies Outside

**Chapter Eleven: What Lies Outside**

Waking slowly, I was cradled in a set of strong arms. Eric. I wanted to move but my body wasn't ready yet. My head was pounding and my neck was incredibly uncomfortable. As if he was reading my mind, I felt his hand underneath it, bending it forward to a more natural angle. I felt his lips against my forehead, his warm breath wafting over me. He always smelled so good. I felt calm and relaxed. I was okay. As long as I was with him, everything would be okay. Even after all this time, he was still my addiction.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry, baby."

I wanted to respond to him…

"I promised nothing more would happen to you. I broke that promise. I'm sorry."

He had nothing to be sorry for.

What happened came flooding back. He was not to blame.

I was.

Me.

It was my fault.

If I had refused them and made them stay at headquarters, Henry would still be alive. If they hadn't been there then I wouldn't have lingered so long by the train. I would have been with Tori and maybe things would have turned out differently.

Deep down, I knew there was nothing I could have done. Everything that happened…everyone who died…I didn't think anything could have changed their fate. Everything happens for a reason. But did I really believe that? I don't know. All I knew was that I was sick and tired of people dying. Just let me go. I wanted to tell him to just let me go. If I died too then I wouldn't have to be in so much pain all the time. I wouldn't have to watch my family's numbers dwindle down to nothing. I wouldn't have to suffer.

But then he pressed my face against his neck, his hand on the back of my head. I felt his lips trail from my temple down to my neck. I felt his eyelashes against my jaw as he blinked. The feeling of his lips. The smell of his neck. The warmth of his body. He was the reason I suffered. He was the reason that I didn't just die. He was why I was able to overcome everything that this life had thrown at me.

I lived for him.

Slowly moving my hand to his chest, running it up to his neck, I felt him relax. Pressing my lips against his neck, he leaned his head against mine, his arms wrapping around me tightly. He shifted, leaning back, bringing me with him as I wrapped my arm around him, now sitting in his lap. He turned his head, running his hand along my hair as he kissed me. I felt everything he was feeling. Kissing him as deeply as I possibly could, I felt lightheaded when I finally released him, meeting his eyes.

"I love you." He told me with worry still in his voice.

Smiling, I trailed my fingers down his face, "I love you, Eric. So, so very much."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Tori and Henry…" He said softly.

Tears filled my eyes and my hand moved to his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Pen." He said shaking his head.

"Are you okay?" I repeated slowly.

He sighed, his hand moving to my face, "Yeah, baby, I'm okay."

It took a long moment before I could find my voice again. Tears were falling as I moved my hand to his as well. "Then we'll be okay." I finally told him with a tight throat. Nodding, I took a deep breath, "As long as you're okay, we will be okay."

His brows furrowed and his looked at me with a pained expression. "Then you have to be okay too."

Kissing him again, I rested my forehead against his, taking another deep breath to calm myself down. "I'm sorry." I told him. He scoffed, smirking even though his eyes were shut. "For my momentary breakdown."

"Which led to you being knocked out." He stated. I sighed and nodded. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm the only one who can." I smirked.

He laughed lightly, kissing me deeply. "I love you, woman."

"I love you." I told him wrapping my arms around him, careful not to touch his wound as I ran my hand down the back of his head, my nails up and down his back. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I am." He replied matter-of-factly. "Cara got the bullet out and patched me up. She did a good job. Even though I prefer you over anyone else."

Letting him go, I smiled, moving from his lap, sitting against his side, able to face him, "I'm sure she did a better job than I could have."

"It wouldn't matter." He told me. "I prefer you over anyone or anything. You're mine and all that matters to me."

Smiling, scooting closer to him, I leaned my arm across his thighs, leaning toward him. He met me halfway, kissing me passionately. "And you're mine."

He sighed, his hand finding my face, "How are you feeling?"

"My head is killing me." I told him honestly. "But the more you kiss me, the better it gets." He laughed and continued to kiss me, once again pulling me into his arms.

Finally ceasing, I sat between his legs, leaning against his chest as we watched the scenery. We were still moving through the fields, passing the greenhouses that no one ever saw unless you were from Amity. Eric knew of them from his time in the control room, but I was sure the majority of the others would be surprised that they were so far from what they knew. Just another reminder of how much we didn't know about the world we lived in.

I loved these fields. I loved this land and what it offered. I loved the feeling of peace that it gave me. Something that had been the case since I was a small child. But looking at them now, all I could think of was those that we were leaving behind. I didn't know what had happened to Claude and Terra. I didn't know what they were going to do with Tori and Henry. Part of me wanted to try and get them back, but I knew that I couldn't. The worst part was that I didn't think it as necessary as when I had thought Eric was dead. I would have given anything to see him again. Tori and Henry were gone, yet I didn't need to see them to come to terms with it.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Eric asked gently.

"Yeah." I told him, trailing my fingers up and down his arm that was around my waist. "Eventually."

He pressed his face into my neck, "I'm so sorry about Tori and Henry."

"Me too." I said moving my hand to the back of his head. "Me too, baby."

He sighed, resting his chin on my shoulder, gently rocking me back and forth. "When this is all over, we are going to find a place where we can be completely alone for as long as we want."

Smiling, I kissed his temple, "I can't say yes enough to that."

There was a small pause before he looked up, "We're officially past Amity."

Moving to my knees, I gripped the side of the truck, looking at everything that is new to me. There were many roads, dark buildings, and down power lines. The early morning sun was giving off enough light to see by. Continuing on, there was still grass and stretches of road, one side holding two concrete walls with a half dozen sets of train tracks between them. Eric moved away from me, putting his hands on top of the cab and looking out the front of the truck. The first truck is a few yards ahead of us, and past them there is a concrete bridge built across the walls, buildings of wood and brick and glass, abandoned with trees growing around them. Their branches were intertwining and I can't help but smile, feeling a connection to them deep down inside of me. My Amity springing forth with a need to touch them, to draw them, to remember…

The truck slowed and I jumped down next to a sign that read 90. Frowning, I watched everyone get out of the trucks, wondering what we were going to do next. Eric dropped next to me, taking my hand, his eyes scanning in every direction. Looking at Johanna, she was stepping toward me, opening her arms. Letting go of Eric, I swiftly moved to her, letting her wrap me in her arms.

"Thank you." I whispered to her.

"No, Penelope. Thank you. You are brave to be leaving the city."

"Not as brave as you are for staying." I replied. "Please look out for Claude and Terra. And if you see my parents, please let them know that their two remaining daughters are alive and safe."

"They didn't mean anything they said when you last saw them." She told me with a frown.

Frowning hard, I couldn't help the flaring of my temper, "Yes they did. They just thought I would choose them over Eric. They were sadly mistaken."

She smiled, putting her hand against my face, "Take care of yourself."

"I'll take care of him." I stated embracing her quickly before walking away, retuning to Eric's side.

Watching as she and Robert turned the trucks around, they headed back to the city. Part of me wanted her to join us but I knew that she had the Allegiant rebellion to organize. Something we needed in order to overthrow Evelyn.

Turning back to the others, Four stepped up to me, not saying a word as he put his hand against the back of my head, pressing a kiss against my forehead. Nodding at him, he wrapped me in his arms, sighing sadly. Feeling tears, they soaked into his shirt as I gripped him tightly. He gripped my hair as his hold on me tightened. There wasn't time to grieve properly but this was much needed.

Pulling away from him, he rested his hand against my face, nodding at me with furrowed brows. Nodding back, I took a deep breath, gripping his forearm. Smiling as best he could, he pressed another kiss against my forehead before he turned to Tris, swiftly embracing her. She met my eyes, sharing my grief. Smiling, I nodded, knowing that there would be a time and place for us to mourn, but this was not it.

Picking up my bag, I moved to put it around my head when Eric stopped me, gripping it. Frowning, I yanked it from his grasp, putting it over my head as I raised a brow at him. He grinned, kissing me deeply, and then we turned and started to follow the others. Seeing the tape of the bandage peeking out of the collar of his shirt, I couldn't help the pain that filled me. The momentary happiness from a second ago already long forgotten, terrified to lose anyone else I cared about.

Talking little, we started out over the polished tracks. They were much sleeker than those in the city. Metal runs perpendicular between them instead of the wood of the ones we were used to. It was different and yet made me nostalgic for the ones we left behind. The trains that used to run along them are up ahead, abandoned near the wall. It's metal-plated on the top and front, the sun glancing off of them, with tinted windows all along the side. As we reached it, we can see rows of benches inside with maroon cushions. I couldn't help but grin as Eric made a comment in my ear about how difficult it would be to jump on and off of it.

Forever Dauntless.

Catching Tris staring at the walls, they are covered with pictures of people with smooth skin, there are colorful bottles labeled with shampoo or conditioner or vitamins or other things that we're not familiar with. There were bottles with odd names, and I can tell she's mesmerized by them. I too couldn't help but admit that they were alluring. My artistic eye was going mad with ideas.

"Oh what I could do with all of this." I stated softly and grinned at her, getting one in return.

"Tris." Four's voice said, looking to see him gripping her shoulder, making her stop.

Seeing the expression on his face, I swiftly looked to Eric. "Baby." He nodded, already moving toward me.

Four tilted his head, "Do you hear that?"

Frowning, I looked around to where everyone was lightly talking, knowing there was more that we should be hearing. There is something underneath everything else. But I can't place it. Before I was given the chance, Tris was yelling.

"Everyone stop!"

Everyone did as she said, moving together in the center of the tracks. Peter pulled out his gun, holding it up. Eric's hand moved to the gun that was tucked in the back of my pants. All of us are waiting to be the first to see what's coming. I felt Eric's arm tense against the back of my shoulder as a black truck appeared in the distance. It's larger than any truck I've ever seen, easily able to fit a dozen people.

Tensing myself, I reached across Eric and gripped his hand. His fingers slid up my wrist, gripping my forearm as I gripped his. Taking a deep breath, I tried to control the fight between the excitement and fear that was coursing through me.

Watching the truck bump over the tracks, it stopped about twenty feet way. A man with dark skin and long hair in a knot on the back of his head is in the driver's seat. My eyes move to Four and he's now the tensest of us all, the grip on his own gun tightening. Jerking my head back to the truck, a woman got out, looking to be middle aged, her skin freckled and her hair the darkest brown I've ever seen. She holds up her hands as she takes in the guns aimed at her. My concealed in case something should happen. I feel like Tris when Four had her keep the gun when we reached Amity.

"Hello," she smiled nervously. "My name is Zoe. This is Amar." She gestured toward the driver who was now out of the truck as well.

"Amar is dead," Tobias stated. His initiation instructor. And Eric's. He was killed a long time ago. Or so we had thought. He hadn't taken his death well.

"No, I'm not. Come on, Four," Amar told him.

Reaching toward Four, I recognize the fear in his face. I can only imagine what was going through his head. We'd known many who died, and to have one appear before us was something unexpected and hard to be believe. It made me imagine Tori getting out of the back of this truck, with Henry and Maggie and Andrew and Natalie and Al and Will and Lynn and Marlene and all the others that we had lost. So many…too many…

"We work for the same organization that founded your city." Zoe explained as she glared at Amar. "The same organization Edith Prior came from. And…" She paused, reaching into her pocket and took out a partially crumpled photograph. She held it out, meeting Tris's eyes. "I think you should look at this, Tris." She told her. "I'll step forward and leave it on the ground, then back up. All right?"

My heart was starting to race, watching Tris. She looks just as afraid as Tobias. How does this woman know her name? Not only that but the name she gave to herself after defecting to Dauntless?

"All right." Tris replied hoarsely.

Zoe stepped forward, setting the photograph down on the train tracks, then moved back to her original position. Taking a tentative step forward, Tris moved away from the safety of our group and I feel Eric's grip tighten around the gun. She crouched, keeping her eyes on the pair in front of us, before she gripped the photo and retreated back to us.

"Pen." She said looking at me.

Still gripping Eric, we moved closer to her, looking at the picture over her shoulder. There's a row of people in front of a chain-link fence, their arms slung across one another's shoulders and backs. There's a child that was clearly Zoe, her freckles giving her away. The longer we look; I suddenly realize the point of this picture.

"Eric." I whispered.

"I see them." He whispered back.

Both my parents were in this picture, young with broad smiles on their faces. Down the way, Natalie is also there, looking more like Tris than ever. Scoffing, I paced away from Tris, breaking from the group before yanking the gun from behind my pants and one handedly, steadily, aiming it at Zoe's head.

"Whoa. Hold on." She said holding her hands up higher.

"Pen." Eric said putting his hand on my outstretched arm.

Shaking my head, I felt tears. I knew that my parents knew more than they were telling me but this was something I hadn't even imagined. What the hell were they doing in that picture? Why would they be so close to what was happening and yet keep it from me? Why?

"What game are you playing at?" I shot at her through clenched teeth.

"Pen." Four said without looking at me.

Eric moved against me, "Baby, calm down."

"There is a lot to explain." Zoe said calmly. "But this isn't really the best place to do it. We'd like to take you to our headquarters. It's a short drive from here."

"Like hell." I shot at them.

"Pen." Four said again with authority.

"Tris." I said more air than sound.

There was a long stretch of silence before she replied, "Yeah."

"Baby, please." Eric said softly.

Meeting Eric's eyes, he offered me a small smile, instantly disarming me. Nodding, I lowered my gun. Looking to where Four and Caleb were now huddled around Tris and the picture. I hated it. I didn't want to know anymore. I suddenly felt the need to go back.

Eric seemed to sense it, taking my head in his hands, and made me look at him. "Baby, everything is going to be okay. This is why we're here. Just breathe. I'm right here."

Nodding, I put my hand against his chest, feeling his heartbeat underneath my palm, "I love you." I whispered.

He smiled and kissed me, "I love you."

"Pen." Four said, his eyes meeting mine.

He looked at Zoe and Amar before meeting my eyes again. Looking at the pair of them, I tried to think of a reason to retreat. Eric was right, finding these people was the reason we were here. Meeting Four's eyes again, I nodded at him.

"Wherever we go, we have to be free to leave at any time," Christina told her. "Okay?"

Zoe placed her hand on her chest, right over her heart. "You have my word."

Looking at the others before meeting Eric's eyes, I knew we were all thinking the same thing. Was her word worth having?

Either way, we were going. Our group moved toward the back of the truck. All the while, Eric stood in front of me protectively. I still gripped the gun in my right hand, Eric's held firmly in my left. Getting into the back of the truck, I passed everyone, moving to the back of it, sitting on the bench in the corner. It ran along the entire truck bed and people were taking a seat sporadically along it. I wanted to be as far away from them as possible, shadowed from the rest of the truck bed. Keeping the gun, I felt anxious and like I might need it at any moment.

Eric had left me momentarily, speaking with Four, leaving me alone. Normally I wouldn't mind, but now another sat in front of me, her back against the side of the truck. Looking up, I met Hazel's eyes, glaring at her. She looked afraid and sad. I knew I should feel something toward her but in this moment I can't feel anything other than revulsion.

"What do you think it means?" She asked. I just waved my gun for her to leave me alone. "Why are Mom and Dad in that picture?"

Glaring harder at her, the truck started to move. "Go away."

"Pen, please." She said moving closer to me.

Frowning, I felt tears in my eyes, "You're the one who lived with them, Hazel. You would know better than me."

"They never said anything." She replied shaking her head. "I don't understand."

Sighing, I pulled my knees up against my chest, resting the gun against my feet, "I don't either, Hazel. All I know is that there is no going back. Not yet."

There was a long pause before she looked at me with glistening eyes, "I'm sorry about your friends."

My anger flared and I glared at her once again, "They weren't just friends. They were family. More so than you and our parents."

"You don't mean that." She frowned.

"Don't I?" I countered. "Our parents blame me for Maggie's death and for whatever's happened to you. They hate Eric and therefore must hate me since I am _madly_ in love with the man who killed my sister."

" _Our_ sister." She frowned.

Laughing, I shook my head, "You don't know what being a sister is. You betrayed all of us when you ran to Erudite and to Jeanine. You lost all rights to be in any part of my life. You're only here because of the blood and parents that we share. Your life has been saved, but whatever happens to you now doesn't matter much to me."

"I'm not giving up." She stated. "You're still my sister."

Scoffing, I shook my head again, "Where was this side of you when I was sitting in a cell in Erudite? Where was my concerned sister when Jeanine put me to death?!" I was yelling now, the truck bed going quiet. "I don't give a fuck if you give up or not. I'm done with you."

"I'm not going anywhere." She stated with stubbornness.

"Hazel! I don't care!" I yelled at her. "You abandoned me when I needed you most, so don't think for one second that you deserve forgiveness or sisterly affection. You're in the wrong fucking place if that's what you want."

Running my fingers through my hair with my free hand, my other was shaking with how hard I was gripping the gun. In the next moment Eric was there, gripping her arm and yanking her to her feet. He whispered something to her, making the color drain from her face, and then he shoved her back toward Caleb. The traitors deserved each other.

"Baby." Eric said softly, kneeling in front of me, pushing himself between my bent knees.

"I'm fine." I told him, gently rocking back and forth.

He sighed, reaching his hand up and tucked my bangs behind my ear. "No, you're not."

Putting my elbow on my bent knee, I buried my fingers in my hair, tears swiftly entering my eyes, "As fine as I can be."

"What can I do?" He asked gently.

Frowning at him, I knew it wasn't fair to take my anger out on him, but now he was in front of me, "Do? What can you do?" I shot at him. "Make my sister not be a traitor. Bring Maggie and Tori and Henry and everyone else back form the dead. Explain to me why my parents are in a picture from the outside. Turn back time and put us back in our bed the night Abnegation was attacked!" I yelled getting in his face. "I just want to go back to the way things were."

"Then what are you doing here?" Uriah asked, getting a glare from nearly everyone. "Why come this far if you want the factions to remain intact?"

"She doesn't answer to you." Eric shot at him, giving him a warning look. Uriah quickly backed down, lowering his eyes to the bottom of the truck bed. He sighed heavily, before moving as close to me as he could get, taking the gun from my hand. "Baby, listen to me. I know that things suck right now. There is a lot that we don't know. But we're alive as we're gonna be okay. We're gonna figure it out."

"Are we?" I asked with furrowed brows, gripping his arms. "What if this is all a mistake? Are we going to have to watch the rest of our family die?"

"Amar is alive." Eric told me. "We all thought he was dead a long time ago. Seeing him alive and outside the walls, that tells me that there is more going on than we think. There's hope that this is going to all be worth it. We just have to wait and see."

Nodding, I leaned against the side of the truck and shut my eyes. I was suddenly so tired that I couldn't stand it. I just wanted to forget for as long as possible. Feeling Eric move next to me, he pulled me into his arms. I hugged his arm to my chest as he cradled me in his strong embrace. His lips moved to my ear, whispering 'I love you' before placing a kiss against my temple.

Being shaken awake, I sat up, seeing everyone staring at what we were driving toward. Standing up, Eric gripped my hand, leading me toward the others. There was a tall fence that stretched wide across the countryside. Frowning, I wasn't sure what I had been expecting but this wasn't it. The fence has vertical black bars with pointed ends that bend outward, ominous to anyone who would attempt to climb over it.

There was another fence a few feet past it, chain-link like the one we were used to, with barbed wire looped over the top. A buzzing filled my ears and I can't help the dropping of my stomach. It's electrified. I already felt trapped. Gripping Eric, I watched people walk the space between them, carrying guns. Not handguns either. These are like the paintball guns from home. Only these I was sure held real bullets. I was so sick of bullets. I was sick of blood. I was sick of fear. Only now I had to overcome it.

"Bureau of Genetic Welfare?" I read and looked up at Eric.

He pressed a kiss against my forehead, looking at Amar who's talking to one of the armed guards. The first fence opened, and then the second. I feel like I couldn't move my eyes fast enough to take in everything around us. There were low buildings that are separated by shortly trimmed grass and young trees. The roads connecting them are well maintained and well-marked. Arrows are pointing toward various destinations, saying things like: greenhouses, straight ahead; security outpost, left; officers' residences, right; compound main, straight ahead.

"Eric." I whispered uneasily.

He let me go, mirroring Four as he leaned around the truck to get a glimpse of the compound. They seemed excited while I was filled with dread. Moving to the back of the truck, I sat in the corner again, not wanting to see. Not yet.

"Pen?" I hear Eric say when the truck had stopped.

Curling into myself, I shut my eyes, seeing the dead in the darkness it brought.

"Pen?" He repeated, coming back to me.

"Can I just stay here?" I asked him.

"Baby, come on." He said gently pulling on me.

I shook my head, "I want to stay here. I don't want to go out there."

He sighed and pulled on me a little harder, "Baby, you need to stay with me and I'm going. We're here to see what they're all about. So let's go."

"Can't I just stay here?" I asked with furrowed brows.

"No." He said and pulled me to my feet.

"Eric." I frowned, putting my weight against him.

He just gripped harder, pulling me with him, dropping us both from the back of the truck. Feeling another hand on my arm, I glared up at Four. Finally looking up, I saw a huge building, small in stature but everything else screamed immense. It was nothing but glass, steel, and concrete. Behind the compound there were smaller towers with bulges at the top.

"Suck it up." Eric whispered in my ear.

Frowning up at him, I sighed, pressing against his side, pulling free of Four's grip. "Fine."

"Don't be stubborn." He whispered in response.

"I love you. But I don't like you very much right now." I glared up at him. He laughed and kissed me, wrapping me in his arms. Sighing, I melted against his chest, wrapping my arms around him.

"Here we go." Tris muttered as Zoe and Amar stepped toward us.

"Welcome to the compound." Zoe told us. "This building used to be O'Hare Airport, one of the busiest airports in the country. Now it's the headquarters of the Bureau of Genetic Welfare—or just the Bureau, as we call it around here. It's an agency of the United States government."

A lot of what she says doesn't make any sense. It was safe to say that a lot of things weren't going to make sense. We were only ever told what we needed to know. What happened to the outside world, and how the world was before, wasn't a priority to those who fenced us in. Looking around, it wasn't just me; everyone looked as confused as I am.

"Sorry," Zoe stated. "I keep forgetting how little you all know."

"I believe it's your fault if we don't know anything, not ours." Peter retorted.

"I should rephrase." Zoe smiled gently. "I keep forgetting how little information we provided you with. An airport is a hub for air travel, and—"

"Air travel?" Christina interrupted with a skeptical look.

"One of the technological developments that wasn't necessary for us to know about when we were inside the city was air travel." Amar elaborated. "It's safe, fast, and amazing."

"Sounds…high." Eric said softly smirking down at me.

Smirking back at him, I wrapped my arm around him, leaning into his side. "Then I suggest we avoid it."

"I'm not afraid."

"I am." I replied and stuck my tongue out.

He quickly took it between his teeth before kissing me sweetly, making me laugh at him. I didn't think I'd ever laugh again. Only then we realized that everyone is watching us.

"Sorry." I said, running my finger across my bottom lip.

"Anyway." Zoe said but there's a small smile on her lips. "When the experiments were first developed, the airport was converted into this compound so that we could monitor the experiments from a distance. I'm going to walk you to the control room to meet David, the leader of the Bureau. You will see a lot of things you don't understand, but it may be best to get some preliminary explanations before you start asking me about them. So take note of the things you want to learn more about, and feel free to ask me or Amar later."

Taking a deep breath, Eric's grip on me tightened as we started toward the entrance. The doors are pulled open by two armed guards as Zoe led us, smiling at her as she passes. It was so odd to see them smiling while holding huge guns. It was as if they were Dauntless and Amity put together. They were like me. Friendly and kind and yet strong and ready for anything. My Dauntless side clung to the gun as we passed, curious as to how it would feel to shoot it.

We're met with cool air as we walk into the compound. It felt amazing, making me want to stop and just enjoy the breeze. Windows arch high above our heads, letting in soft light. The tiled floor is dull with dirt and age, and the walls are gray and blank.

"Maybe they'd like a mural." Eric whispered in my ear. I knew it was an attempt to comfort me. I appreciated the effort but didn't want to be babied either.

Hearing voices, up ahead there were several people along with a bunch of machinery and a sign over them that says Security Checkpoint. They might have smiles on their faces, but they took security extremely serious here. It made me wonder if it spanned from the horrors that took place, or if they were still worried about something happening to them.

Furrowing my brows, I turn my head as everyone else did, taking in a huge block of stone with a glass apparatus suspended above it. It stood at the far end of the room, down the long entryway. I could appreciate the art of it. It was beautiful. Looking around, there seemed to be mixed emotions about everything we were seeing. Looking to Four and Tris, he seems unsure while she looks excited and is taking everything in as a child does when seeing something for the first time. Then I have to remind myself. She is a child.

"What are you thinking?" Eric asked me.

Looking up at him, I wasn't sure what I was thinking. "I don't know yet." I frowned at him. "Is that okay?"

His expression turned sad and he nodded at me, "Yeah, baby. That's okay."

"I'm worrying you, aren't I?" I asked him sadly.

He shook his head, "Pen, you just lost two members of your family and now we're somewhere completely unimaginable. I think you're allowed a little time to wrap your head around everything."

"Thank you." I told him.

"It's only because I love you." He smirked.

Feeling tears, he pulled me against his chest, keeping me firmly there as we neared the checkpoint. All the people there stepped aside, forming a tunnel for us to walk through. Then Zoe was talking again, "Weapons are not allowed inside this facility, but if you leave them at the security checkpoint you can pick them up as you exit, if you choose to do so. After you drop them off, we'll go through the scanners and be on our way."

Eric let me go, moving to one of the gray containers that are being held out by the security staff. My hand moved to my gun and I wrapped my fingers around it with a vice grip. Looking at it, I would feel naked without it. I needed a weapon every step of the way so far and to not have it was going to be hard. Looking up, Eric was willingly giving his up. It looked like it pained him, but he was still doing it without question. When he was done, he turned me, seeing the struggle.

"It's okay." He told me.

"I'm afraid." I whispered to him.

His hand slid around mine, his touch warm and gentle. Letting him take it from me, he put it next to his. Then he turned back to me, holding out his hand. Sighing, I took the extra cartridge out of my pocket and handed it over. He did the same thing before facing me again with a raised brow. I shook my head and shrugged. He stepped up to me, reaching down and pulling a knife from my boot. I had actually forgotten that was there.

Smiling at him, he took my head in his hands, smiling back at me. "Let's do this."

"After you."

He turned toward the giant scanner. Only it wasn't as giant as I thought it would be, just big enough for a person. A big box with a tunnel through the middle. Gripping the back of his pants, I followed him forward. We watched as the majority of our party went through. Hazel was in front of Eric, and I couldn't help but take pleasure in her apprehension about going inside of it.

We couldn't go through together, and I reluctantly let go of Eric, watching him step into the scanner. He stood in the middle of it, his shoulders square as he held himself high. He had the furrowed brows I knew so well from before we were together. Grinning, I watched as whatever does the scanning rotated around him, letting out a high-pitched beep when it was done. He was motioned forward, and then it was my turn.

"You're next, Miss." A guard smiled at me.

"Thank you." I smiled back politely, stepping into the middle of it.

Taking a deep breath, the whole process didn't faze me, and even though it was only a few minutes, I moved eagerly to Eric's side as soon as the beep sounded. Turning back, I watched Four as he approached the scanner. I nodded at him, telling him that it was okay, knowing that his claustrophobia had to be acting up by now. When he was done, he stumbled out of it, taking a deep breath. I swiftly moved to him, wrapping my arm around his, pressing my shoulder against his to keep him steady. He gripped my elbow and met my eyes, nodding at me. Smiling, I pressed a kiss against his cheek, letting him go as Tris slid her hand into his.

"You're doing better than he is." Eric whispered into my ear.

"Not nice." I whispered back.

"Just saying."

"Just wait till we're alone. I'm sure I have a few more breakdowns left in me." I replied teasingly but couldn't have been more serious.

Once everyone was through, we kept moving. Now that we're past the checkpoint, the facility isn't as dingy as it was on the other side. The floors are still tiled, but they are polished and perfect. And windows. There were windows everywhere, causing a flicker of excitement in me as I looked around, seeing rows of lab tables and computers down a long hallway. It brought me back to Erudite; only with all the windows everything seemed so much brighter. It doesn't seem as secretive as home was.

Zoe didn't stop, leading us down a darker passageway on the right. We pass more people than I had anticipated and they all stop and watch, wondering who the hell we were. But they didn't seem unfriendly, merely curious about the new people. I see one girl that looks around my age, she's my height with long dark brown hair, partially braided on either side, dark eyes, and looked far too chipper. When I accidentally met her eyes, she bounced a little on the balls of her feet and waved at me. Smiling politely, I waved back, hearing a giggle from behind me. Still gripping Eric tightly, I turned and looked at her. She waved again. A genuine smile crossed my face and I couldn't help but chuckle at her. She was so alive compared to all the death that had settled upon me.

"See, making friends already." Eric teased.

"Maybe you were right. Maybe it won't be so bad here."

"I do have my wise moments."

I laughed lightly, putting my hand over his that was firmly on my hip. "You do. But in the end you're the only friend I need."

He smiled and kissed me deeply. Then we were once again taking in our surroundings as we endlessly followed Zoe who was leading us deeper into the compound. It was a relief when she finally stopped and faced us.

Behind her was a large circle of blank screens. Within the circle, sitting at low desks, are furiously typing people on even more screens. Those screens are facing out instead of in. My stomach turned slightly as I recognize it as the control room. Zoe had told us that was where she was taking us, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth. Thought it was different, being out in the open and it's unclear what they're observing since all the screens were dark. There were chairs and benches and tables all bunched together around the screens that face in, making it seem like it's something you can do at any given time.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around it when our attention is drawn to an older man wearing a smile and a dark blue uniform, just like all the others. When he notices us coming, he spread his hands as if to welcome us. He was clearly the man in charge, though at the moment I can't remember the name we were told.

"This," he stated, "is what we've waited for since the very beginning."


	12. Information Overload

**Chapter Twelve: Information Overload**

Holding tight to Eric's hand, I wasn't sure what to make of him. Tris was on my other side and I watch her take the photograph out of her pocket. She leaned into me, her finger pointing out the man in the picture. He's standing next to Natalie. Tris covered her face with the tip of her finger. I can see the pain written across her face. She had been hoping for something. Something that didn't happen. Wrapping my arm around her, I gently rubbed her back.

"My name is David. As Zoe probably told you already, I am the leader of the Bureau of Genetic Welfare. I'm going to do my best to explain things." David told us. "The first thing you should know is that the information Edith Prior gave you is only partly true."

His eyes moved to Tris and I instinctively pulled her closer against me. She's shaking, though I'm not sure if it's with anticipation or anxiousness or even anger. I was feeling all three, leaning into Eric's side as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Four shifted closer to Tris as well. Despite everything, we were a family, unconsciously shifting to protect each other from anything that was thrown at us.

"She provided only as much information as you needed to meet the goals of our experiments." David continued. "And in many cases, that meant oversimplifying, omitting, and even outright falsehood. Now that you are here, there is no need for any of those things."

"You all keep talking about 'experiments.'" Four told him. "What experiments?"

"Yes, well, I was getting to that." David looked at Amar. "Where did they start when they explained it to you?"

"Doesn't matter where you start. You can't make it easier to take." Amar replied, picking at his cuticles.

Frowning, I didn't know I was going to say anything until the words were spilling from my mouth, "You seem awfully blasé about all of this. If it was hard for you I'd think you could appreciate the struggle all of us our experiencing."

All he did was smirk at me, making me feel even more anxious and now annoyed.

David thought about his response and cleared his throat before he started to speak again, "A long time ago, the United States government—"

"The united what?" Uriah asked.

"It's a country." Amar replied. "A large one. It has specific borders and its own governing body, and we're in the middle of it right now. We can talk about it later. Go ahead, sir."

I know they want to explain but they had to know that questions were going to come up. Zoe had made it sound like we should be quiet throughout the explanation but this was all a shock to us. Though David seemed annoyed with the interruptions, pressing his thumb into his palm, massaging his hand.

He started again. "A few centuries ago, the government of this country became interested in enforcing certain desirable behaviors in its citizens. There had been studies that indicated that violent tendencies could be partially traced to a person's genes—a gene called 'the murder gene' was the first of these, but there were quite a few more, genetic predispositions toward cowardice, dishonesty, low intelligence—all the qualities, in other words, that ultimately contribute to a broken society."

Since we were young we had been taught that the factions were formed to solve a problem, the problem of our flawed natures. David said that Edith Prior had told a partial truth. But apparently those who had created these 'experiments' had believed in that problem as well. Not to mention we all knew very little about genetics. There was no need to know about them in the city. Out here is seemed like a much bigger deal. Thinking about the time and energy and science that would be needed to isolate different genes, let alone knowing what they did, it seemed almost impossible.

"Obviously there are quite a few factors that determine personality, including a person's upbringing and experiences." David continued. "But despite the peace and prosperity that had reigned in this country for nearly a century, it seemed advantageous to our ancestors to reduce the risk of these undesirable qualities showing up in our population by correcting them. In other words, by editing humanity."

I opened my mouth to say something but Eric nudged me. His brows were furrowed and I could tell that he was latching on to every word David was saying. My stomach fluttered a little with nervousness. What was he thinking?

"That's how the genetic manipulation experiment was born. It takes several generations for any kind of genetic manipulation to manifest, but people were selected from the general population in large numbers, according to their backgrounds or behavior, and they were given the option to give a gift to our future generations, a genetic alteration that would make their descendants just a little bit better."

"Better?" I whispered and looked up at Eric again.

He frowned harder and turned me closer against his side – if that were even possible – his other hand finding my arm. Looking at the others, no one looked excited or happy about what he's saying. We'd been told about the manipulating of genes as part of the faction philosophy. Even with it being elaborated on, what did it have to do with us, here, now? How did all of this make us better? And what did that mean about our families? What did Eric's parents give as a gift to make us better?

"But when the genetic manipulations began to take effect, the alterations had disastrous consequences. As it turns out, the attempt had resulted not in corrected genes, but in damaged ones." David told us. "Take away someone's fear, or low intelligence, or dishonesty…and you take away their compassion. Take away someone's aggression and you take away their motivation, or their ability to assert themselves. Take away their selfishness and you take away their sense of self-preservation. If you think about it, I'm sure you know exactly what I mean."

"The factions." I whispered and see Tris look at me, nodding.

He is. He's talking about the factions. Fear. Low intelligence. Dishonesty. Aggression. Selfishness. All of them holding on to characteristics that make them a part of that faction. All of them losing something when they accept those characteristics. Dauntless, brave but cruel; Erudite, intelligent but vain; Amity, peaceful but passive; Candor, honest but inconsiderate; Abnegation, selfless but stifling.

"Humanity has never been perfect, but the genetic alterations made it worse than it had ever been before. This manifested itself in what we call the Purity War. A civil war, waged by those with damaged genes, against the government and everyone with pure genes. The Purity War caused a level of destruction formerly unheard of on American soil, eliminating almost half of the country's population."

"The visual is up." One of the people tells him who's at a desk in the control room.

Then a map appeared on the screen above David's head. The shape of it isn't familiar, making it hard to know what it's supposed to represent, but I'm assuming it's the country. It's covered with patches of pink, red, and dark-crimson lights.

"This is our country before the Purity War." David states. "And this is after—"

The lights start to fade and the patches start to shrink. "I don't understand." I whispered to Eric.

"They're people." He whispered back.

Looking back at the screen, they kept disappearing. So many had been lost.

Then David continued, "When the war was finally over, the people demanded a permanent solution to the genetic problem. And that is why the Bureau of Genetic Welfare was formed. Armed with all the scientific knowledge at our government's disposal, our predecessors designed experiments to restore humanity to its genetically pure state.

"They called for genetically damaged individuals to come forward so that the Bureau could alter their genes. The Bureau then placed them in secure environments to settle in for the long haul, equipped with basic versions of the serums to help them control their society. They would wait for the passage of time—for the generations to pass, for each one to produce more genetically healed humans. Or, as you currently know them…the Divergent."

My breath caught and I felt Eric's eyes on me. Ever since I'd found out what I was, I wanted to know what it meant. But as time went on, I started to not care anymore. I was me and that's all that I really cared about. Only now they're telling me that I'm some sort of genetically healed human. It's almost too simple. Three words to tell me exactly what being Divergent meant. It didn't change anything. It didn't make me any happier or sadder about my Divergence. It was just…who I was.

"Hear that? You're pure." Eric smiled.

Frowning, I shook my head at him, "It doesn't matter." He pressed a kiss against my forehead, both of us looking at David as he went on.

"Your city is one of those experiments for genetic healing, and by far the most successful one, because of the behavioral modification portion. The factions, that is." David smiled at us.

He's clearly proud of what they'd accomplished with us. But I just feel sick. Our whole world was a lie. They created us, they shaped our world, they told us what to believe. We were raised with certain ideas and ways of doing things. I believed the things I was told. Now we're being told that it was all decided for us from the moment the factions were created. Does that make it still true?

"The factions were our predecessors' attempt to incorporate a 'nurture' element to the experiment—they discovered that mere genetic correction was not enough to change the way people behaved. A new social order, combined with the genetic modification, was determined to be the most complete solution to the behavioral problems that the genetic damage had created." His smile faded and he looks at all of us. It's like he's waiting for a reaction or a response that never comes. "The factions were later introduced to most of our other experiments, three of which are currently active. We have gone to great lengths to protect you, observe you, and learn from you."

Cara finally speaks, running her hands across her hair as if to prepare for the words to come out, her Erudite nature kicking in. Something she was taught. "So when Edith Prior said we were supposed to determine the cause of Divergence and come out and help you, that was…"

"'Divergent' is the name we decided to give to those who have reached the desired level of genetic healing." David explained. "We wanted to make sure that the leaders of your city valued them. We didn't expect the leader of Erudite to start hunting them down—or for the Abnegation to even tell her what they were—and contrary to what Edith Prior said, we never really intended for you to send a Divergent army out to us. We don't, after all, truly need your help. We just need your healed genes to remain intact and to be passed on to future generations."

"So what the hell are we doing here?" I shot at him. "We came all this way under the impression that you needed us and now you're telling us that you don't?"

He gently lifted his shoulders, about to reply when Caleb interjected, his voice shaky. For being Erudite he seems to be taking all this worse than the rest of us. "So what you're saying is that if we're not Divergent, we're damaged."

"Genetically damaged, yes." David confirmed.

I feel Eric tense and I swiftly grip him tighter, looking up at him, "You are not damaged." He nodded but I can tell his mind is moving a mile a minute.

"However, we were surprised to discover that the behavioral modification component of our city's experiment was quite effective—up until recently, it actually helped quite a bit with the behavioral problems that made the genetic manipulation so problematic to begin with. So generally, you would not be able to tell whether a person's genes were damaged or healed from their behavior."

"I'm smart." Caleb stated. "So you're saying that because my ancestors were altered to be smart, I, their descendant, can't be fully compassionate. I, and every other genetically damaged person, am limited by my damaged genes. And the Divergent are not."

"Well," David said, lifting a shoulder. "Think about it."

Caleb looked at Tris who looked back. He's freaking out about this. The sister he was going to let die is genetically healed while he is genetically damaged. He thought he was above her. The roles had been reversed and he clearly wasn't taking it well.

All this knowledge didn't change a thing for me. It didn't change the love and affection I knew growing up. It didn't change the strength and endurance Dauntless taught me. It didn't change the love and devotion I held for the man I was clinging to. If what David said was true than I was genetically healed and Eric was genetically damaged. I refused to see it or acknowledge it in any way. He was perfect. There was nothing wrong with him. He wasn't damaged.

"Genes aren't everything." Amar added. "People, even genetically damaged people, make choices. That's what matters."

I could agree with that. Eric made the choice to leave his abusive parents, moving on to a better life in Dauntless. He made a choice to listen to Jeanine. But he also made the choice to be with me. He wasn't Divergent. He hated them. Only then he met me and he made the choice to renounce everything Jeanine had told him because he had fallen in love with a person who he was supposed to hate and to kill. He wasn't Divergent but he made those choices to better himself. How can anyone call him damaged after everything he'd been through?

Everyone looked shocked at all this new information. In our little group alone, we're mixed with healed and damaged genes. But all I see is the amazing people who have come this far only to feel like we're being put down for just being who we are. Four looked like he's about to fall over and if I thought I could move one step from Eric's side, I'd go to him, but Eric's breathing had become rapid and he's staring at the floor, his eyes darting back and forth as he tried to wrap his head around what we're being told.

"You are not damaged." I told him. He nodded at me but didn't meet my eyes. "Eric." I said squeezing his hand. He slowly met my eyes. "You are not damaged. You are perfect." He frowned harder but nodded at me. Reaching my hand up, I ran it along his hair. Only then I felt David's eyes on us. Shooting him an angry look, the corner of his mouth turned up and then he surveyed the rest of our group.

"This is a lot to process." David told us.

"You think?" I frowned at him.

The others all react similarly. It was the biggest understatement yet. It was impossible to process. Christina snorted and everyone shifted their eyes back and forth to each other.

"And you've all been up all night." David finished, ignoring the interruption. "So I'll show you to a place where you can get some rest and food."

I was so ready for some rest. I didn't think my stomach would accept much for food, but I was eager to take get away from him and take care of Eric. I didn't think I'd hold on to my sanity if it weren't for him. He didn't need me to take care of him, but doing so made me happy. But before we can move, Tris spoke.

"Wait." She said, a thought rolling around her head. "You said you've been observing us. How?"

Zoe pursed her lips. David nodded to one of the people at the desks behind him. All at once, all the screens turned on, each of them showing footage from different cameras. Looking to the one closest to me, moving behind Tris, we can see Dauntless headquarters. The Merciless Mart. Millennium Park. The Hancock building. The Hub.

"You've always known that the Dauntless observe the city with security cameras," David says. "Well, we have access to those cameras too."

My stomach turned with the knowledge that they've been watching us since before I was even born. Just as Dauntless monitor the city, they've been monitoring us. Watching how we lived in the world that they created. For a second I kick myself for not listening to my instincts when I thought that leaving was a bad idea. We shouldn't have come here.

Following David, we walked back the security checkpoint and I think about my gun and knife. Wanting to pick them up and run like hell away from here. Run from the place who had been watching me for forever. Wondering what they had seen. The private moments that were suddenly out there for all to see.

Tris must have been thinking the same, only then her hand moved to her pocket. Sighing to myself, I knew I would stay for the same reason she did. Even though my parents were alive, I wanted an explanation for why they were in that picture. I wanted to know before I saw them again. Though I wasn't sure I could take seeing them again. Not yet.

David led us through the compound to a carpeted area. There were potted plants on either side. The wallpaper is old and yellowed, peeling from the corners of the walls. We continued on into a large room with high ceilings and wood floors and lights that glow orange-yellow. There are cots arranged in two straight rows, with trunks beside them for what we brought with us, and large windows with elegant curtains on the opposite end of the room, though they are worn and frayed at the edges.

According to David, this part of the compound used to be a hotel, connected to the airport by a tunnel, and this room used to be the ballroom. Most of their terms don't mean anything to us, but he doesn't seem to notice. He probably doesn't even care. It makes me wonder what he's really thinking about us arriving here.

"This is just a temporary dwelling, of course. Once you decide what to do, we will settle you somewhere else, whether it's in this compound or elsewhere. Zoe will ensure that you are well taken care of." He told us. "I will be back tomorrow to see how you're all doing."

He turned and walked away. As soon as he was gone, I moved in front of Eric, putting my hands on his arms as I looked up at him. He gently took my head in his hands, his brows still furrowed. The others started to pick a spot to call their own. Sighing, I turned and moved toward the nearest bed, thinking it would do.

"No." Eric told me. "Keep moving. Take the last one." He said pointing to the left.

"Why?" I frowned. "Aren't any of them as good as the other?"

"No." He repeated.

"Eric." I frowned harder as he started to push me.

His hands were on my arms as he led me toward the last bed. "Too much happens. I want you as far away as possible."

"So you're going to put me in the corner so I'll be trapped?"

"It'll be better than having you being killed first because you're near the door." He countered.

Hating that he had a point, I willingly moved to it, setting my bag down on top of it. He looked at the one next to it, pushing it so it was against mine. There was enough room next to the wall to walk easily and I had to admit that I didn't want to sleep without him. We'd been lucky so far, so it was bound to happen that we didn't get our own room.

"This sucks already." Eric muttered.

"Why?"

"How are we supposed to have any fun if we're in the same room with all these other people?" He smirked at me.

Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. He pressed me tightly against his body as he lifted me off the ground, one hand moving to the back of my head. Wrapping my arm around his head, I kissed him until I couldn't breathe. Taking a deep breath, I placed several soft kisses against his lips before burying my face in his neck.

"Everything is going to be alright." He told me softly.

"You don't believe that." I replied.

"I'm trying to." He stated. "For both of us."

Kissing him again, I hugged him tightly, gently gripping the back of his neck. Then I noticed Four pacing in front of the windows, chewing on his thumbnail. He rarely did that, knowing that he was truly freaking out. Tris wasn't even in the room anymore. Frowning, I let Eric go, slowly walking over to him. Putting my hand on his arm, I offered him a smile as he looked at me. He nodded but his jaw was clenched. Feeling tears, I swiftly wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him as tightly as I could.

"It's okay, Tobias. We'll figure it out. Everything is going to be okay." I told him with as much certainty as I could muster.

"You don't believe that."

Now he sounded like me. "No, I don't. But we don't have a choice. We're here now. We need to figure it out and deal with it."

He let me go, bringing his hand to my cheek. "Do you believe what he was saying about us being healed and the non-Divergent being damaged?"

"Not for one second." I replied quickly and more angrily than I had meant. My eyes moved to Eric who was talking to Christina. "That would mean that he's in some way damaged. His parents caused damage but that was done by the flaw of the human race. It doesn't have to do with genes. He is not damaged. If they continue to call him that they will see what the Dauntless they created can do." He nodded but didn't say anything. "Do you believe it?"

"I don't know what to believe." He told me. "But I'm inclined to agree with you."

"Inclined?" I frowned. "Are you telling me that you look at Eric and Christina and all the others that aren't Divergent and you think that they're damaged?"

"No." He replied quickly. "I'm sorry."

Feeling sorry for getting upset, I sighed, and gently took his hand. "It's a lot to take in." I told him. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He said giving me a small smile. "Go to Eric. If we're feeling a little messed up about all this then he must be freaking out too. Even if he isn't showing it."

Nodding, I leaned up and pressed a kiss against his cheek. "I love you, Tobias."

"Love you too, Opie." He smiled, hugging me once more before gently pushing me back toward Eric.

Moving back to Eric, Christina was now with Uriah, talking softly to each other. Hazel is pressed against Caleb's chest. She's crying and Caleb is massaging his temples with his fingertips. They made a different sort of couple. Peter is staring at the wall and Cara is sitting a few beds down, looking more distressed than I've ever seen her look.

"How you doing in there?" I asked Eric as I ran my hand over his hair.

He smirked, scoffing as he sat on the cot, pulling me down with him. Ours knees were bent, pressed against each other so we can face one another. He ran his fingers through my hair, sighing as he looked at me fondly. Then he frowned and he bowed his head as he took both my hands in his, squeezing them tightly.

"Baby, talk to me." I told him softly.

"I don't know what to say." He replied even softer.

Freeing one of my hands, I lifted his chin so he met my eyes, and then placed it against his face, "Tell me what you're thinking and feeling. Even if it doesn't make sense, tell me anyway."

"They called those who aren't Divergent damaged." He stated.

"You are not damaged, Eric." I told him forcefully. "I don't care what they said. I don't care what they've done to us. We can't change that. But I can tell you right now that you are not damaged."

"How do you know?" He frowned at me. "You heard them. They've been genetically altering the people in our city for years."

"Exactly." I told him softly. "They may be watching us and telling us what's real. But it has been generations. What do they really know about who's healed and who's damaged? Just because you aren't Divergent doesn't mean you aren't healed."

"But that's what they told us, Pen. The people who did this to us flat out told us that the non-Divergent still have damaged genes." He argued.

"I don't care." I told him. "If your genes are damaged than your genes are damaged. It doesn't change anything, Eric."

"Doesn't it?" He frowned. "Do you want to be with someone who has damaged genes? Would you risk passing those damaged genes onto your children?"

Now a frown was on my face. " _Our_ children, Eric. _Ours_. And I want to be with you now more than ever. I want to marry you and bear your children. I don't care about genes or what these people are telling us. You're mine and I am yours. That is never going to change. No matter what they tell us."

For a long moment he just frowned at me, making me feel a little anxious. I couldn't stop the thought of him breaking up with me because of this from going through my head. But then he smiled and pulled me to him, kissing me deeply.

"I love you, Pen. More than anything." He told me softly.

"And I love you, Eric. No one has ever loved a man as much as I love you."

He laughed lightly and kissed me again. "How the hell did I get you to fall in love with me?"

"By showing me exactly who you are." I smiled, kissing him. "By never giving up on me. On us. You are amazing, Eric. You're not perfect. You're flawed and in those flaws lies your beauty and strength. You are everything to me and I will never love anyone the way I love you. I can't even begin to explain why, but it's true. You're the one, Eric. My one."

He looked at me for a long moment before he was kissing me again, deeply and repeatedly. Sliding into his lap, I kept one hand on his face as I wrapped the other around his neck. His arms wrapped around me, his hands warm and comforting against my back. When we finally parted, he buried his face into my neck. Wrapping my arm around his head, I pressed a kiss near his ear, whispering that I loved him into it. Trailing my nails up and down his back, he relaxed, turning his head and resting it against my chest. We sat that way for a long while, letting him calm from the thoughts that were running through his head.

After a while, we're shown the way to the bathrooms, all of us cleaning up, and at some point we're led to the cafeteria for dinner. When night comes it was surprising how segregated we were for being in the same room. Everyone is still trying to deal with everything that happened. No one knows what to think. No one knows what's real and what matters. There's still so much left to learn. For a good portion of the day I had forgotten my grief. I'd forgotten about my parents and Natalie being in a picture from the outside. I was grateful for the distraction. I was grateful that we were all still alive and together.

"Pen." Tris said softly as Eric and I walked the hall back to the ballroom. "Can I talk to you?"

Eric smiled at her, kissing me softly before continuing on his way. Sighing, I leaned against the wall, feeling all energy leave me. I hadn't realized I'd been putting on such a tough exterior. She leaned next to me, and I could tell that something was on her mind. She didn't talk right away, looking as if she were trying to decide how to say it.

"They knew." She told me. "Your parents and mine. They knew what this city was. They knew we were an experiment and that they were watching us. They knew and they didn't say anything."

"How do you know?" I frowned at her.

"I talked to David." She replied lowering her eyes. "He told me that my mom was sent into the city to fix a problem."

"And you think mine were sent to do the same?" I asked, getting a nod in response. Scoffing, I leaned my head back against the wall. "That actually makes things a little more clear. They were afraid when they found out I was Divergent. But it wasn't the outside that was hunting us. It was Jeanine, the leader of Erudite which turned out to be created by those of the outside world."

"They watched everything happen and they didn't do anything." She frowned. "They allowed people to die. They watched as Erudite planned the attack on Abnegation."

"Do you think they allowed it because Abnegation told Erudite about the outside world?" I asked her. "Do you think they were trying to let us cover up our own mistake?"

She frowned and shook her head, "I don't know."

For a moment I thought I was in complete control of myself, then I found tears burning in my eyes and I slid down to the floor. Tris followed me, her arm brushing mine. "My parents knew so much and yet they wouldn't tell me when I asked. Then when I saw them again the night we decided to leave, we fought and I told them I was leaving and they didn't say anything. Why wouldn't they warn me on what I was going to find?"

Looking at Tris, tears slid down my cheeks. She just shook her head, taking my hand in hers. "I don't know, Pen. I wish things had turned out differently."

"Me too." I told her. Laughing lightly, I wiped the tears away. "Sorry. I'm not the most put together right now."

"You've been faking it well." She told me.

Laughing, I nodded, "I'm trying."

"If you need a minute alone, I can go."

"No." I replied quickly. "No. It's okay. I should get back to Eric."

"How's he handling it?"

Sighing, I wiped the last tear from my cheek. "He doesn't appreciate being called damaged." I told her. "Since he's far from damaged."

"You don't believe them?"

"No." I replied. "I can't wrap my head around breeding certain characteristics into a population. We're all human. You can try, but at the end of the day I truly believe that we're all the same. We – as Divergent – may be capable of different things, but that's still just being human."

"Do you think your feelings for Eric are clouding your judgment on the subject?"

"Probably." I stated. For once not jumping straight to being pissed off at her. "But I don't care. When it comes to him I'm blind in every way. I will defend him and protect him and love him for the rest of my life. I don't care what genes he's made from. It doesn't change one damn thing."

"What about kids?"

Laughing, I looked at her, "He asked that too."

"What did you tell him?"

"That it didn't matter and that I would have his children and not care the slightest about what genes they're made from." I replied.

She smirked at me, "I'm sure he enjoyed that response."

"He did." I nodded.

There was a long pause before she looked at me with a nervous expression, "We're not going to have to listen to you two have sex are we?"

Laughing loudly, feeling some of my tension release, I shook my head. "No, Tris. You guys are safe. If we just can't help ourselves we'll find a quiet place away from people."

"Good." She replied. "I was worried."

Laughing again, we talked only a short while longer before we went back to the room. Most were already in bed. Eric was sitting with Four, talking softly. Neither of them looked happy, making me worry about whatever they were talking about.

"Hey, baby." I smiled, running my hand down the back of his head.

"Hey." He smiled, wrapping his arm around my waist. "You okay?" He frowned.

Apparently the redness hadn't fully subsided from my tears. "Yeah. I'm good."

"You sure?" He asked with concern.

"Yeah, baby." I smiled, kissing him. "Come on, let's go to sleep."

Smiling at Four, I ran my hand down the back of his head as I took Eric's hand, leading him to our beds. Lying down, the crease down the middle felt like it was putting too much space between us. Turning onto our sides, I took his hand, hugging it against my chest. He smiled, reaching over and ran his fingers through my hair. Keeping his hand, his other fell away from me as he shut his eyes. He was exhausted. I was too. But I couldn't fall asleep until I was sure he was sleeping. I was as worried as I always was for him. Something he'd just have to get used to.

* * *

 **THANK YOU ALL WHO HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO READ THIS STORY! AND AN EVEN BIGGER ONE TO THOSE WHO HAVE REVIEWED! I VALUE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! CHEERS! CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU THINK AS THE STORY PROGRESSES!**


	13. New Places

**Chapter Thirteen: New Places**

The sun was still down when I woke. Attempting to go back to sleep, the uneasy sleep of those around me made it impossible. Looking at Eric, he was sleeping, a small crease between his brows. Leaning toward him, I pressed a long kiss against his forehead, watching the crease slowly smooth out. Smiling, I pressed my forehead against his, my hand resting against his face. Taking a deep breath, I slowly got up, making sure I didn't move him.

Leaving my feet bare, I left the ballroom, picking a random hallway to walk down. My mind kept moving through everything that had happened. Not able to latch on to one thought long enough to process anything. Henry and Tori were dead. My parents had lied to me for years, especially when it counted most. My traitor sister was here and I didn't know what to think about it. We made it to the outside only to be told that the Divergent were healed and everyone else was damaged. How were any of us supposed to process anything that had happened?

My surroundings fell away and I was walking aimlessly throughout the compound. When I finally blinked and looked around, I had no idea where I was. Taking a deep breath, my brows furrowed, smelling water and earth and trees. Moving toward the scent of it, I found myself in an atrium. Smiling, I took in the room of plants and trees, suspended in water just like they were back home in our greenhouses. Moving to the center of the room, I couldn't help my lips parting, in awe of the tree in the giant water tank. It was lifted high off the ground, allowing me to see the tangle of roots beneath it.

Shutting my eyes I took I deep breath, letting the comforting scent of earth fill my senses. Lowering myself to my knees, I looked up at the maze of roots. It reminded me of the tattoos on Eric's arm, smiling as I thought of the man I loved. Sighing, I sat on my heels, my hands resting in my lap.

"God?" I said softly to the room. "I know I've given you little to no thought for many years. But I need you now. Watch over Eric and keep him safe from harm. If one good thing comes out of all of this than it needs to be him surviving. He needs to live." Pausing, I took another deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Please watch over Henry and Tori. Please watch over Natalie and Andrew. Please watch over Maggie. She is by far the brightest angel you've got. Let her sing again. Let her fill everyone with peace and joy. She's good at that." Pausing again. I hadn't heard the steps until someone knelt next to me. "What do you want?"

"I just want to talk." Hazel told me. "I want you to listen."

Tears filled my eyes, my brows furrowing as I turned my head to look at her. "What is there left to say?"

"Everything. There is everything to say." She replied softly. "I heard Tris talking to you. I heard what she said about Mom and Dad."

"And?" I asked softly, failing to keep the hardness out of my tone.

"I'm just as surprised as you are." She stated. "I had no idea. And I feel like I should have known. I was there every day for years and they never said anything. How could they keep a secret like that from us?"

"Maybe you weren't listening." I frowned back at her. "Maybe they tried to tell you but you were too wrapped up with yourself to notice it. How long have you been wanting to leave them?"

"It wasn't a decision made lightly, Penelope." She told me with annoyance.

"Wasn't it?" I frowned. "Abnegation is attached, Dauntless made into murderers, and Erudite is left as the conquering hero. But they weren't heroes, Hazel. Jeanine was no hero. She was a murderer and she made you her accomplice."

"I didn't know exactly what she had planned." She told me. "I didn't know you were there or that she was even looking for you."

"She wasn't looking for me. She was looking for everyone like me. She nearly killed Tris and would have killed me if it weren't for Eric. Did you even think about what you were doing? Did you even think about the consequences of your actions?"

"Is this one of them?" She asked even softer. "Losing my sister?"

Scoffing, I laughed lightly, "Losing me is the least of your worries, Hazel. We're here with questions that need to be answered and no idea if this place is actually better than life in the city."

"To me it's the most." She replied.

Meeting her eyes, I didn't know what to think, just adding to my already full mind. "I don't know you anymore, Hazel. I wish you'd realize that and leave me alone."

"I can't. You're my sister." She replied with a smile.

"But you're not mine anymore." I frowned. "How can I trust you, let alone love you, after everything you've done?"

"I don't know." She told me and sighed. "I guess I'm hoping we've both held on to a little bit of home."

I nodded, "Forgiveness."

"Do you think you can?" She asked.

"I don't know." I told her, shaking my head. "But I know for a fact that Eric will never forgive you."

"What does he have to do with it?" She frowned.

"Everything." I frowned at her. "He is everything to me and I would chose him over you any day. And I'm pretty sure he loves me more than I love him. You were going to let me die at a time when I was all he had. He will never forgive you, Hazel. And I'm not sure I can either. I don't think you understand."

"Then help me understand." She told me pleadingly.

"I can't, Hazel." I told her on the verge of tears. "I can't help you when right now I am barely holding it together. I can't help you and I don't want to. You have a lot to answer for and I don't want to deal with you right now. I want to figure out what's going on here and then we have to decide what move to make next. I don't need a sister to do that. Not right now."

"Opie?"

My head jerked behind me, "Four."

"Everything okay?" He frowned, his eyes on my sister.

Getting to my feet, I swiftly moved to him, "Sure."

He put his arm around me. "Hazel." She just nodded at him and swiftly left the room. "You okay?"

Keeping my eyes on the floor, I didn't want to talk about me. "Your shoes are untied."

He sighed, "Opie."

"Four." I said meeting his eyes. "I'm as fine now as I was the last time you asked me."

"Then tell me what's wrong. Tell me what you're thinking." He told me with furrowed brows.

Scoffing, I shook my head, "What am I supposed to say, Tobias? I'm confused and starting to feel that my first instinct that this was a bad idea was right."

"We just got here." He told me gently.

"And I know it's scary." Another voice interjected. Four and I both looked to see Amar. His hair was down, touching his shoulders. "I remember how scary it was."

"How did you get past it?" I asked him, tears once again in my eyes.

"By taking one day at a time." He smiled, putting his hand gently on my arm. The tears started to flow and before I knew it, Amar had pulled me into his arms. "I understand what you're feeling. I wish there was a way to make this easier."

Gripping fistfuls of the back of his shirt, I buried my face into his shoulder. "So many have paid with their lives." I muttered into his shirt. "So many have been lost and now I feel like it's all been for nothing."

"No, Pen." He said squeezing me tighter, his hand running down the back of my head. "You'll see. You just have to give us a little time."

Letting him go, I wrapped my arms around myself. Looking at Four, more tears fell down my cheeks. He nodded, pulling me against his chest. Resting my head against it, I took a calming breath.

"What are you doing here?" Four asked his friend.

My head was pounding and for a few long moments all I could hear was the rumble of Four's voice through his chest. I was starting to finally feel the fatigue setting in. Shutting my eyes, the warmth of Four made me long for the warmth of Eric. I wanted to go to him, yet Four's arms around me were as tight as ever.

Opening my eyes, I watched Amar pull his hair back, tying it with a rubber band. "They faked my death because I was Divergent, and Jeanine had started killing the Divergent. They tried to save as many as they could before she got to them, but it was tricky, you know, because she was always a step ahead."

"Are there others?" Four asked.

Amar nodded, "A few."

"Any named Prior?"

My stomach dropped and for a moment there was a spark of hope. Only Amar quickly shattered it.

"No, Natalie Prior is actually dead, unfortunately. She was the one who helped me get out. She also helped this other guy too…George Wu. Know him? He's on a patrol right now, or he would have come with me to get you. His sister is still inside the city."

"Wu?" I said looking at him. Then the tears flowed faster and I buried my face in Four's chest. "Georgie is alive." I sobbed. "He's alive and Tori's…" Then I was covering my mouth, sobbing into Four.

"Tori is his sister." Four explained. "She tried to leave the city with us."

"Tried to…" Amar repeated, realizing what he meant. "Ah. Wow. That's…"

They grew quiet while I continued to cry. There hadn't been the right time to grieve and now knowing that her brother was alive…it was too much. I needed to grieve those who were dead. The family that I had lost. And now George would have to be told that the hope of being reunited with his sister was robbed from him. She died thinking that Jeanine killed him but he was here. He was here and he was alive. Now she was dead.

Moving from Four's side, I started to move through the room. Taking in the flowers around me, the tears were continuously streaming, but the sobs had stopped. I can hear Four and Amar talking, but I don't care what they're saying. Looking at the colored flowers, the ivy, clusters of purple or red leaves. Touching them, I felt the softness of the petals. Starting to pull them off, I didn't stop until my hands were full of them.

"Can we go to the river?" I asked, interrupting them. Though as I say it, I catch the word "serum". Frowning, I stepped toward them. "What?"

"Memory serum." Amar repeated.

Nodding, I laughed, "Of course." They both looked at me sadly. "I'm tired. I'm gonna head back to the room." I frowned at them, moving toward the door.

"Opie." Four said stopping me.

"What, Four?" I said on the verge of tears, turning toward him.

He looked at me for a long moment. It was obvious that he changed his mind about what he was going to say. "Can you make it back on your own?"

Smiling, I nodded, "Yeah."

After a few wrong turns, I found myself finally slipping back into the ballroom. Slowly walking, my eyes on the ground, when I looked up Eric was pacing the edge of the beds. When he saw me, he took a deep breath of relief. Smiling, I stepped up to him, the petals still cupped in my hands. He noticed, grabbing one of the tank tops from his bag and making a small pouch out of it. Letting them fall from my hands into it, he tied it off and set it aside.

Taking my head in his hands, he looked at me with a worried expression, "You know I don't sleep well without you."

The tears returned and I swiftly wrapped my arms around him, hugging his shoulder blades as I cried into him. His arms were tight around me as he swept me from the room. I was still crying against him, blindly walking alongside him. When he finally stopped, he sunk us both to the floor, cradling me in his arms as I sobbed into him. Not knowing how long I cried, when the tears finally slowed, I relaxed against him, falling asleep quickly.

When I woke up, my eyes were heavy, puffy, and sore. My head was lying on his bicep, both of us now lying on our cots. Fingers were caressing my cheek, Eric's breath wafting over me. Opening my eyes, I met the blueness of his, a smile on his perfect lips. For a moment I thought I was going to cry again, feeling the need to, and yet my eyes remained dry. He smoothed my brow with his thumb, leaning forward and pressing a kiss against my forehead.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered.

Laughing, I shook my head, wiping the crustiness from my eyes. "I'm sure I look like crap."

"You could look like anything and still be beautiful to me." He replied, leaning in and kissing me deeply.

"You're sweet." I smiled and kissed him again.

"I kinda love you, you know." He smirked.

Rolling so I was laying on top of him, I pressed my lips against his again, running my hand through his growing hair. "I love you more. Especially with this facial hair."

He laughed and kissed me. "Get up, we're going somewhere."

"Where?" I asked him unmoving.

He sat up, taking me with him, keeping my arms around his neck as he brought us to his feet. He set me down, grabbing our jackets, handing me mine.

Frowning at him, I didn't put it on, "Can we shower first?" I smiled at him.

He seemed to think about it first, then nodded, "We'll be faster if we just do it together."

Laughing, he looked so serious about it, "You are a smart man."

Grabbing clean clothes, we rushed off to the bathroom. Getting into it together, we cleaned each other, laughing and talking as we had a rousing game of foreplay. Afterward, we were starting to get dressed when Eric gently gripped my wrist.

"What is it?" I asked him, smiling softly.

"When was the last time you treated your arm?" He asked softly.

Putting my hand over it, I shrugged, "I don't know. A lot's been going on."

"Come on." He said pressing a kiss against my forehead, rubbing my arms.

Going back to the room, he rustled through our things, taking out the salve that Simmy had packed for us. Holding out my arm to him, he gently ran the salve over the cuts. The redness had all but gone away and there was no pain anymore. His touch was gentle and made warmth run through me, filling all of me. Smiling up at him, I ran my hand up and down his arm, wanting to touch him.

"All better." He smirked at me.

Grinning like a school girl, I moved closer to him, wrapping my arm around him, "Thank you, baby."

"You'll thank me again soon enough." He smirked.

Stepping away from him, I ran my fingers through my damp hair before putting my jacket on, "Alright then, where are we going?"

He smiled, picked up his shirt with the petals in it, and offered me his hand. Swiftly taking it, he led me from the room. We walked toward the checkpoint, showing the badges we'd been given the previous night by Zoe. Going through the lobby, we exited the building, he steered me left to where someone was standing, waiting for us. It's the girl that I'd seen when we were first arrived.

"Ainsley." Eric smiled at her. "This is Pen."

"I know who she is." She beamed holding her hand out to me. "I never thought I'd actually meet you."

"I saw you when we first got here." I smiled at her. Her hair was now braided over her shoulder and she looked far too excited about what was going on. Running my fingers through my hair again, I looked up at Eric, "So, where are we going?"

"Out of the compound." Ainsley replied.

"Are we allowed to do that?" I frowned at her.

She opened her arms with a big grin, "With an escort." I frowned at her, looking back up at Eric. "Come on." She said and moved away, leading us toward a truck.

Getting in, I was stuck in the middle between her and Eric. He seemed perfectly relaxed as he watched the scenery as it passed us by. Ainsley looked to be genuinely enjoying herself. I didn't want to feel watched but she was constantly stealing glances and it was starting to make me feel anxious. Scooting as close to Eric as possible, he smirked at me, putting his arm around me as he pressed a kiss against my temple.

"I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I?" Ainsley asked softly but was still smiling.

"A little." I admitted. "I'm not used to people knowing me without…you know…meeting them."

"I'm sorry." She replied. "I work in the control room and have been watching you for longer than I care to admit."

My stomach turned and frowned at her, "What exactly have you seen?"

She burst with laughter, making me jump. Eric's other hand found mine, putting it in his lap. "I haven't seen anything I shouldn't."

"I'm pretty sure my entire life is something that you shouldn't be seeing." I shot back at her.

"Sorry." She said, her smile faltering. "This isn't going as well as I had imagined it would."

"What did you expect?" I shot at her. "We came out here only to find out that all of you have been watching us since before we were born. You've all been sitting here, monitoring some experiment, and yet what you don't seem to grasp is that you're playing with people's lives. I don't give a shit about the experiment or what you all were hoping to gain. You've been using living human beings to meet your own ends. You've been watching us live and die and all for what? To wait for the Divergent population to grow? What about all those who have been killed? Did you watch them die like some sick game you all liked to play? Did you realize who was Divergent and watch Jeanine hunt them down, taking bets on who would survive? So again, tell me what you were expecting!" I yelled at her.

Breathing hard, the truck was quiet, with only the sound of the tires and the air filling the silence I had created. I felt tears in my eyes, shaking as I gripped Eric's thigh. He put his arm around my neck, pulling me closer against his side, kissing my temple. I hadn't expected to freak out. But I didn't know what meeting me would change. What she had hoped I'd be like or what she expected me to say. This whole thing didn't make sense and all I had been looking for was a little peace. But it would seem that that was few and far between.

"I'm sorry." Ainsley finally told me. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know." I shot at her before lowering my voice. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to freak out like that."

"Not that I blame you." She replied. "I'd be freaking out too if I were you. I just get a little carried away sometimes."

"It's okay." I told her. "Really. I've just…"

"You've been through a lot." She nodded. "I don't want you to react in any way that isn't genuine."

"Thanks." I nodded back. It was a few long minutes of silence when my curiosity started to spike. "So, why did you want to meet me anyway?"

"Because you're awesome." She replied, her energy already back, making me jump again. "Sorry."

"She has a point." Eric replied with a smile, still looking out the window.

"Stop." I told him. "Don't encourage her."

"It's true!" She practically yelled, making me jump yet again.

"Jesus!" I yelled back. "Stop doing that!"

"Sorry." She said and it was obvious she was having trouble reigning herself in. "I just get –"

"Excited, I know." I interrupted her. She just grinned at me. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. "Stop it."

"Anyway, I've been watching you since a little after your initiation."

"Why would you want to? I wasn't all that exciting back then." I replied.

"Are you kidding me? You and Claude and Henry are all phenomenal. Watching you spar with them was always exciting. And your work in the Med Area and the Tattoo Parlor are too amazing to put into words. I watched you tattoo his back." She smiled. Looking at Eric, I smiled and kissed him. "I've watched him watch you."

"That's not creepy or anything." I smirked at her.

"To you it probably is. But in my world it's normal."

"I get it." I nodded at her.

"Anyway, I think you are amazing. All the work you've done, added with how hard you fought, you're my hero."

"I don't want to be your hero." I told her with a hard tone. "Okay? I do not want to be anyone's hero."

"You're my hero." Eric whispered in my ear.

Smiling at him, my hardness melted away. "And you're mine."

"You two are amazing together. And when you finally noticed him it was one of the happiest days of my life."

"I'd always noticed him. I just didn't like him."

"And now look at you. No one has ever loved a man more."

"It's that obvious?"

"To me it is." She smiled softly.

Just looking at her a moment, I sighed, "Fine. You might not be so bad."

"Yes!" She said bouncing in her seat.

"Stop." I told her.

She instantly stopped, "Sorry."

Laughing lightly, I shook my head, "So, what do you think about all this genetic stuff?"

"I think that they think they're right." She replied.

"But you don't agree with it?"

"If they're right then Eric is damaged. Claude and Henry would be damaged. And after watching you guys for years, I cannot with a good conscious call any of them damaged. They've all grown and adapted to what's going on around them. They haven't turned violent or damaging to their surroundings. If anything they've simply shown the emotional range of a normal human being."

"And me?"

"You're not damaged, Pen." She replied as if I were being ridiculous.

"So you believe that I'm genetically healed?"

"I think you're just you and are amazing just the way you are."

Eric rubbed my arm, looking at Ainsley, "I like her."

"And despite your douchiness, you're not bad yourself."

Laughing, I put my hand against his face, "I don't think you're a douche."

"That's because I've officially turned you to the dark side."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"Not possible." I whispered, laughing lightly, and then was kissing him.

"He's definitely come a long way." Ainsley said softly.

We both looked at her, making her show the first sign of uncomfortableness. Then we both laughed, making her relax. "He really has." I agreed.

"Still a little more to go." He added.

"No." I told him. "You're good."

"You're bias." He stated with a raised brow.

Putting my hand against his face, I kissed him deeply, "Damn right I am."

"You two are adorable." Ainsley smiled.

The conversation died down and I rested my head against Eric's shoulder, watching the world pass us by. The trees came into sight and then she took a side road that took us to the river. We all got out and I just looked at it. Then I looked up at Eric who simply smiled and kissed me, pulling me against his chest. Ainsley was smiling at us, shouldering her pack before leading us down a beaten path along the river. It went from rushing to calm, just sliding by us. There were large rocks protruding from the surface.

"Here." Eric said handing me the shirt of petals.

"How did you know?" I asked him.

"I know you, Pen." He smiled.

Putting my hand against his chest, I met his eyes, smiling at him fondly, "Sometimes you still surprise me."

"The last time someone who was close to you died, I found you at the Chasm, setting her picture on fire, and dropping it into the water. When you came back with the petals, I assumed it was something similar."

"Thank you."

He nodded, "Go do what you gotta do."

I slipped my hand into his, "Will you come with me?"

"If you want me to." He nodded.

Smirking at him, I cocked my head, "I don't want to do anything without you. We're a team, remember?"

He smiled, gently taking my head in his hands, "I remember."

Pulling him toward the water, I let him go, keeping balance on the rocks. Going in as far as I could, standing on one that was big enough for the both of us, I looked at him. He put his hands on my hips, sitting down and pulling me in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. Opening up the shirt, I looked at the various petal colors. Taking a handful of them, I looked at Eric. He cupped my hand in his, keeping it as I brought my hand over the water, slowly dropping them into the water, watching them move away from us.

"For Tori." I said repeating the process.

"For Henry." Eric said as we did it again.

Taking a sharp intake of air, it came out in a shudder, tears once again filling my eyes. The tears slid down my cheeks as we continued to drop the petals into the water. As soon as they were gone, Eric wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. Putting my hand against the back of his head, I cried for our fallen family members. Before long I felt wetness against my neck, feeling him shudder every so often. Crying together, we were finally able to grieve. Finally able to release all those emotions we'd been holding inside. Mine had been leaking out but Eric hadn't shed a tear yet. He had been strong. For me. Everything he did was for me. I suddenly felt guilty for that. I would do anything for him but he needed me, and I felt like I hadn't been there.

"I'm sorry." I told him as the tears slowed.

"For what, baby?" He asked softly.

"I've been a complete mess and I feel like I've been letting you carry everything for me. You've been carrying everything for the both of us and that's not fair."

He chuckled softly, pressing a kiss against my cheek, "You have given me everything, Pen. If you need me to carry everything for the both of us, I'd gladly do it for the rest of my life."

Draping my legs over his, I turned against his chest, wrapping my arm around his waist, sliding it up to his shoulder. Putting the other against his face, I met his eyes, "I don't deserve you."

"But I deserve you." He smirked.

Laughing, I kissed him before burying my face in his neck, my eyelashes brushing against his jawline, "I love you."

"I love you." He replied, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "How you doing in there?"

"You know…" I said and paused, leaning away so I could look at him. "I feel better."

"Really?" He asked with slightly furrowed brows.

"Really, really." I smiled. Wrapping my arm around his neck, I kissed him passionately, "Thank you."

"Anytime."

"How about you?" I asked running my fingers through his hair. "How are you doing in there?"

He sighed, "Honestly, I'm still extremely confused about all of this."

"I know." I said running my fingers through his hair again. "Me too. But we'll figure it out. And no matter what happens, we'll do it together."

"Always." He nodded.

"Good."

Getting to his feet, he offered me his hands. Taking them, he pulled me to my feet, leading us back toward the shore. He slipped his foot into the water, making me burst with laughter. In turn he playfully attempted to shove me into the water, making me squirm and fight against him, landing myself ass first into the water. For a moment the cold water was a shock while Eric laughed from above me. Gripping his wrist, I yanked him into the water next to me. It was my turn to laugh as he took in the initial shock of the water. I only stopped when a splash of water hit my face, practically choking me. Then I was on my feet, racing after him as he booked it down the bank. Jumping onto his back, I clung onto him, only to have him dump me into a deeper part of the water. Breaking the surface, he was charging me, making me turn and flee from him. Shrieking, he gripped me round my waist, spinning me, rings of water surrounding us. Then his arm was underneath my legs, holding me tightly, still spinning me as I opened my arms and leaned back, letting the warmth of the sun hit me. Leaning up, I wrapped my arm around his neck, my hand against his face as I kissed him slow and deep. Only in the next second we were both in the water, laughter once against bursting from us. He moved over me, his lips meeting mine as he snaked his arm around my waist, lifting me closer to him.

Finally moving from the water, still laughing lightly, I looked up to see Ainsley watching us. Feeling a blush rise in my cheeks, I put my arm across her shoulders. Eric was in the lead as we started back, Ainsley was talking a mile a minute, telling me about how she grew up and more about what she had seen us do during the attack and everything. I had asked her about the Bureau but she wouldn't tell me much, saying that she wasn't the best person to explain it. When the talking died down, I took in the nice scenery, loving the silence. Then my eyes fell on Eric, his perfectly formed ass, the muscles of his back…perfect.

Running forward, I launched myself onto his back. He immediately caught me, grinning as I kissed him quickly. Bouncing me into a better position, I playfully bit at his neck, squirming as he retaliated by gripping the back of my knee.

When we finally made it back to the truck, we took our respective places. I couldn't help but feel happy. I think that was the most fun we'd had in a while, especially without feeling like we were being watched. Ainsley had been there, but she seemed different somehow. Trustworthy.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked sadly.

Hearing her more serious voice was weird. "Sure." I replied.

"Eric said 'For Henry'." She replied. "Does that mean…?"

Sighing, I nodded, "He was shot during our escape. I didn't officially see it happen, but you could hear the shots, the gun barrels lighting up." There was a long pause before I cleared my throat. "I'd like to believe that he survived, but…it's very unlikely. Unless he magically appears on the monitors…Henry's dead."

She nodded, resting her head in her hand as she propped her elbow on the windowsill. Watching her, her brows furrowed and then tears started to fall down her cheeks. It broke my heart. She didn't know Henry. She didn't know his temper. She didn't know his jealous tendencies. She didn't know his fierce loyalty and loving personality. She didn't know him, and yet here she was, grieving his death as if she had. I didn't understand how they worked in the Bureau, but she had watched us, forming an emotional attachment to us, without us even knowing about it. If she was capable of doing that, I couldn't deny that I felt better about these people on the outside. They cared about us. Even if those in charge didn't fight for us, there were still those who cared about us.

"Thank you." I told her.

She took a deep steadying breath, though her voice still shuddered slightly, "You're welcome."


	14. Words and Tests

**Chapter Fourteen: Words and Tests**

Walking back through the compound, it felt like all eyes were on us. Most waved, some touch my shoulder and smiled, and some bumped Eric's shoulder as we passed them by. Frowning, stepping in front of him, instead of feeling welcomed by the people, I was officially in protective mode. They could think what they wanted, but if they thought I was going to stand him being disrespected, they had another thing coming.

"It's okay." Eric said putting his hands on my shoulders.

"No, it's not." I frowned as I watched those we passed with suspicious eyes.

"It is okay." Ainsley told me gently. "Most just don't know everything he's done. He's mainly known as an associate to Jeanine Matthews. They'll see in time."

"I already fought this battle." I frowned at her. "He's proven himself. I don't feel the need to fight it again."

She put her arm around me, leading us back to the ballroom. Stepping in, everyone was doing random things, and some weren't even there. Four and Tris were sitting on a bed, making me smile at them.

"See you later?" Ainsley asked.

"Yeah." I smiled at her. "Thank you for taking us."

"Anytime, Pen. I mean that." She smiled and walked away.

Eric shoved me playfully as we walked toward our family. Shoving him back, he gripped me around the front of my waist and flipped me upside down. Throwing me over his shoulder, he walked to our beds before tossing me on top of one. Laughing, I attempted to grip his sides, only he had a firm grip on me, his hand behind my knee, making me squirm against him.

Then the doors opened and before I knew it I was on my feet, completely sobered from the enjoyment a moment ago. "Georgie." I whispered.

I'd know that face anywhere. It was Tori's face. Only it was male and alive. He had the same slanted and angled eyes. The same black hair. He looked so happy. My mind flashed back to the woods when I had said goodbye to Tori. Watching her die right in front of me. How was I going to explain that to him? How was anyone going to explain to him that his sister was dead? Looking around, almost all of our group's eyes are on me. Yes, I knew her best. Yes, I was there to hear her last words. But I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to be the one to tell him.

"I just got back." He told us, breathless. "They told me my sister set out with you guys, and –" The room went quiet and everyone was anxiously looking at anything but him. "And…" He went on. "Why are you all looking at me like that?"

Looking at Four, he nodded at me, a painful expression on his face. Eric gently rubbed my back before I slowly stepped toward him. Once I was in front of him, I held my hand out to him, seeing the confusion and dread fill him. He slowly took my hand, meeting my eyes.

"Tori did leave with us." I told him, covering his hand with my other. "We were retreating through the woods. The factionless soldiers were pursuing us. We were under gunfire and Tori was hit. She didn't make it." I had to swallow the lump in my throat. "I am so sorry, Georgie. Tori is dead."

He deserved a better explanation than that. He deserved to know who his sister had become and what she meant to me and those who knew her. He deserved so much more. I'd give him that. I'd tell him anything he wanted to know. But right now he had to process the news that she was gone and was never coming back. She wasn't like him. There was no resurrection for her.

He let go of my hand, touching the wall behind him for support, "What?"

"She gave her life defending us." Tris told him gently, making me look at her. She sounded genuine. "Without her, none of us would have made it out."

"She's…dead?" George asked weakly. Stepping forward, he leaned his entire body into the wall, and his shoulders sagged.

"I'll explain everything." I told him shaking my head. "I knew your sister well. She would have done anything to get us out of there. In the end it cost her life."

Hearing steps, I looked into the hallways, seeing Amar. He was nonchalantly eating a piece of toast, a smile on his face. Then he noticed us and it quickly disappeared. He set the toast down on a table by the door.

"I tried to find you earlier to tell you." Amar told him sadly.

My throat was tight as tears came to my eyes. "If you want me to tell you everything, I can." I told him softly as I watched his eyes grow glassy.

His hand moved to my shoulder while the other gripped Amar's shirt as he embraced him with one arm. Putting my hand over his, I watched the struggle on his face. I didn't think he wanted to cry in front of us but wasn't ready to move yet.

Amar met my eyes. He was worried. Putting my hand against his arm, I offered him a small smile, "If there is anything I can do, please let me know."

"Thank you." He smiled.

Supporting Georgie, they moved down the hall, talking softly. It took all of me not to follow them. He needed to know as much about his sister as I could tell him. He needed to know how amazing she was. How his death had motivated her in ways he probably never expected. How she had been the one to kill Jeanine and freed the Divergent from her wrath. He needed to know.

"Pen." Eric said softly.

"It's not fair." I told him with wet eyes. "It's just not fair."

He turned me into his chest. Resting my head against it, I listened to the beating of his heart. "I know, baby. But we can give him closure if he needs it. We're still here and we'll watch out for him now."

Smiling up at him, I pressed a kiss against the center of his chest, "You're a good man, Eric. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

He smirked and kissed me, "Your opinion is the only one that matters."

Laughing lightly, I nodded at him, "Yours too."

"Are they always like this?" A boy I don't know asked with a smirk on his face.

He's tall and his black hair is artfully styled in the front. Messy looking, but it would appear it was supposed to be that way. He's wearing a dark blue uniform with a plain black T-shirt underneath it. And for whatever reason, he had a black string around his throat. It shifts over his Adam's apple when he swallows. Kinda weird.

"Oh, that's Matthew." Tris said as she caught us frowning at him. "I guess we should get going."

"Going?" I asked her. "Where are you going?"

"Genetic testing." Four replied blandly. "Want in?"

Looking up at Eric, he looked unsure. But I was actually a little curious about it all. I wanted to know more about myself. "I'm in." I tell him, still looking at Eric.

He nodded, "I'll go. But that doesn't mean I'm going to participate."

"You can tag along if you'd like." Matthew told him. "But since you aren't Divergent, you won't need to participate in anything. Even if you wanted to."

"You know, I think we'll stay here." I frowned at him.

"Are you sure?" Matthew asked. "I'd really like it if you participated as well. You're kinda in the same boat as these two."

"In what way?" I frowned.

"You're special." He smirked.

Then Four was at my side, "Opie, I'd feel a lot better about this if you came too. As backup in case something should happen."

"Are you expecting something to happen?" I frowned.

"Pen." Eric said with edge to his voice. Something spiked his concern. "Just stay here with me."

"Pen." Four said with more authority than he'd used on me in a while.

"Guys, seriously?" I frowned at them.

"Maybe I should introduce myself." Matthew interjected, sticking out his hand. "Hi. It's nice to meet you. I'm Matthew."

"Tobias." Four introduced himself. "And you too."

"Pen." I say doing the same.

"Eric." He said and clearly gave the boy a firmer handshake than he'd been expecting.

"So let's go to the labs, I guess." Matthew told us, shaking out his hand. "They're this way."

Tris was right behind him while the rest of us hadn't moved yet. I wanted to learn as much as I could and yet if Eric was uneasy about it, I didn't want to force him to go. And I didn't feel comfortable leaving him behind. Too much had happened and this was all still new. Even the thought of being away from him right now turned my stomach.

"You should go." Eric told me.

"Baby." I frowned up at him.

"No, it's fine." He nodded. "You need to learn about who you are. I'm okay with hanging back. I can intimidate Hazel and Caleb for a while or something." He smirked, getting a brow raise from me. "I'll keep myself busy."

"Are you sure?" I asked him. "Because I can skip this if you want. I can do whatever you want me to do."

"Go, baby. Just be sure you stick with Four at all times."

"Done." Four said putting his hand on my shoulder to emphasize it.

Eric smiled and nodded at him. Then he met my eyes, his hand moving to my face, "I'll be fine. Just be careful."

"I love you." I smiled at him.

"I love you too." He replied and kissed me quickly.

He wasn't happy. "I'll be back soon." I told him. "Love you."

He smiled and shoved me toward Four who was holding his hand out to me. "Go, baby."

Taking Four's hand, we went out into the hall to see Tris and Matthew a few yards down. Jogging to catch up to them, Matthew started out again. It seemed the number of people in the compound had doubled in the few minutes since we'd gotten back. They're all dressed in green or dark blue uniforms that are clearly too long or too short, bunching up at the bottom or sitting a few inches above their shoes; mentally promising myself that I would never wear pants that were too short.

The compound was full of open areas that branch off the major hallways. All of them are marked with a letter and a number, people moving in and out of them, some carrying glass devices, the screens full of words, images, and diagrams. Other's aren't carrying anything but are still moving with purpose toward whatever job they'd been given.

"What's with the numbers?" Tris asked. "Just a way of labeling each area?"

"They used to be gates." Matthew replied.

"Gates?" I frowned.

He nodded, "Meaning that each one has a door and a walkway that led to a particular airplane going to a particular destination. When they converted the airport into the compound, they ripped out all the chairs people used to wait for their flights in and replaced them with lab equipment, mostly taken from schools in the city. This area of the compound is basically a giant laboratory."

"What are they working on? I thought you were just observing the experiments." Four asked, watching a woman rush from one side of the hallway to the other. She has a screen balanced on both palms like an offering.

There are so many windows in this place that beams of light stretched across the polished tile, slanting through the ceiling windows. Following Four's line of sight, he's looking out the windows, seeing the short grass and the trees swaying in the wind in the distance. It's hard to imagine what everyone else is going through while we're here. The differences between us and them, since we are officially separated from the place we'd grown up and from the lives we had been building. Frowning, I had to remind myself that we were just an experiment, being left to breed the damaged genes out of our population.

It's such bullshit.

"Some of them are doing that." Matthew went on. "Everything that they notice in all the remaining experiments has to be recorded and analyzed, so that requires a lot of manpower. But some of them are also working on better ways to treat the genetic damage, or developing the serums for our own use instead of the experiments' use—dozens of projects. All you have to do is come up with an idea, gather a team together, and propose it to the council that runs the compound under David. They usually approve anything that isn't too risky."

"Yeah." Tris muttered with a slight eye roll. "Wouldn't want to take any risks."

"They have a good reason for their endeavors." Matthew told her. "Before the factions were introduced, and the serums with them, the experiments all used to be under near-constant assault from within. The serums help the people in the experiment to keep things under control, especially the memory serum. Well, I guess no one's working on that right now—it's in the Weapons Lab."

"Weapons Lab?" I frowned. "What kind of weapons lab?"

"You know, that's not really something I can talk about." Matthew replied only he seems to regret even bringing it up.

"Are we talking guns and knives or is it all serums and genetic shit?" I shot at him.

"Opie." Four said putting his arm around me. "It's fine."

"It's not fine." I said shrugging out of his arm, stopping. "Our home is nothing but an experiment and now we're here and they have some sort of weapon's lab but they won't tell us what's in it?"

He looked at the other two before stepping in front of me, "There's a lot we don't know. That's why we're here."

"Then let's learn something." I shot at him.

He put his hands on my arms, "One thing at a time, Opie." Shaking my head, I wished I'd just stayed back with Eric. Four knew me too well not to be able to read me, making him grip my wrist. "Opie, please."

"This doesn't feel right." I told him softly.

"I need you with me, Pen." He replied softly but with seriousness.

Keeping his eyes, I finally looked away, my focus moving to Tris and Matthew. Tris's brows were furrowed as she looked at me, nodding subtly. Looking at Four again, I sighed and nodded, pulling from his grip as I started walking again. He shot me a look but I simply stuck my tongue out at him, getting a smile in return. Smiling back, I shoved him, getting a shove back, nearly running into someone.

"So the Bureau gave us the serums, in the beginning." Tris stated.

"Yes." He nodded. "And then the Erudite continued to work on them, to perfect them. Including your brother. To be honest, we got some of our serum developments from them, by observing them in the control room. Only they didn't do much with the memory serum—the Abnegation serum. We did a lot more with that, since it's our greatest weapon."

"A weapon." Tris repeated.

"I hate serums." I muttered to Four.

"Me too." He smirked.

"Well, it arms the cities against their own rebellions, for one thing—erase people's memories and there's no need to kill them; they just forget what they were fighting about. And we can also use it against rebels from the fringe, which is about an hour from here. Sometimes fringe dwellers try to raid, and the memory serum stops them without killing them."

"That's…" Four started.

"Still kind of awful?" Matthew supplied.

"Horrible." I frowned.

"Yes, it is. But the higher-ups here think of it as our life support, our breathing machine. Here we are."

Scoffing, we wouldn't have been able to speak against our leaders so nonchalantly. But things were different here. I didn't think we'd ever fully understand it.

Watching Matthew, he scanned his card at a heavy door on our left, leading us down another hallway. This one is narrower and lit with pale fluorescent light. He stopped as a door marked Gene Therapy Room 1. Inside, there is a girl with light brown skin and a green jumpsuit who is replacing the paper that covered the exam table.

"This is Juanita, the lab technician. Juanita, this is –"

"Yeah, I know who they are." She smiled. Rolling one of my shoulders, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier knowing that they know us but we don't know them. The girl offers Four her hand. "Matthew's supervisor is the only person who calls me Juanita. Except Matthew, apparently. I'm Nita. You'll need three tests prepared?"

Matthew nodded.

"I'll get them." She opened a set of cabinets across the room and starts pulling things out. Following her, I look at the needles and vials she's pulling out. Nothing I wasn't familiar with. No one is saying anything, leaving the crinkling and ripping the prominent sounds in the room. Though Nita seemed sweet, allowing me to help, smiling as it's obvious I know what I'm doing. "How do you guys like it here so far?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"It has its moments." I smiled at her, getting one in return.

"It's been an adjustment." Tobias replied.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Nita smiled at my brother. "I came from one of the other experiments—the one in Indianapolis, the one that failed. Oh, you don't know where Indianapolis is, do you? It's not far from here. Less than an hour by plane." She paused. "That won't mean anything to you either. You know what? It's not important."

Turning back to the others, we're both holding a syringe and needle from the plastic-paper wrapping we'd just took it out of. "What is in them?" I asked her.

"What's that for?" Tris asked nervously.

"It's what will enable us to read your genes." Matthew replied. "Are you okay?"

"She's fine." I shot at him, holding up my hand. I felt like I was always answering for her in moments like this. "We've had our fair share of serums injected into us. We're not fond of being injected with strange substances." Tris nodded from my side.

Matthew nodded as well, "I swear it's just going to read your genes. That's all it does. Nita can vouch for it."

Nita nodded but it didn't make either of us feel better about it. She reached to inject her but I gripped her wrist, probably a little harder than I should have, getting an anxious frown in return. "Sorry." I told her, letting her go. "We'll do it."

"Okay." Nita smiled.

She prepared the syringe for Tris while I mimicked her with one for myself. I watched her pull the liquid out of a bottle into the syringe and then she handed it to me. Smiling, I followed suit, watching the silver-gray liquid spill into the syringe. Taking a deep breath when I was done, I watched her smile at Tris as she handed her the syringe.

"I'll give you the simplified explanation of how this works." Matthew told us as Nita brushed Tris's arm with antiseptic. Allowing her to do the same to me, the familiar alcohol smell filled my nose.

"The fluid is packed with microcomputers. They are designed to detect specific genetic markers and transmit the data to a computer. It will take them about an hour to give me as much information as I need, though it would take them much longer to read all your genetic material, obviously."

"Obviously." I frowned at him. He was talking to us like we actually knew what was going on. Did we understand what he was saying? Yes. But the ins and outs of genetics was something none of us were familiar with. Looking at Tris, we both have the needle at the crook of our arms. "Ready?"

She took a deep breath and nodded, "Go."

Together, we plunged the needle into our arms and pressed the plunger, sending the liquid into our blood stream. I thought they would have taken our blood and tested it from there. They were far more advanced than I had expected them to be and yet not as much as I thought they should be. Honestly, I didn't know what I had expected. All I knew was that they were both more and less than I had imagined.

As soon as we removed the needles, Nita handed us a cotton ball to put over the hole, catching any residual bleeding. Then she motioned for Four's arm, cleaning it before injecting him with the fluid as well. He looked at Tris who offered him a small smile.

"What are the…microcomputers?" Four started, getting a nod from Matthew. "What are they looking for, exactly?"

"Well, when our predecessors at the Bureau inserted 'corrected' genes into your ancestors, they also included a genetic tracker, which is basically something that shows us that a person has achieved genetic healing. In this case, the genetic tracker is awareness during simulations—it's something we can easily test for, which shows us if your genes are healed or not. That's one of the reasons why everyone in the city has to take the aptitude test at sixteen—if they're aware during the test, that shows us that they might have healed genes."

Frowning at Four, he met my eyes. We were both aware in our simulations. It took me longer to realize that, but I knew what was happening. I had manipulated several simulations since I initiated; most with Four watching. When I'd taken the aptitude test, I had yet to realize what I was and had done it the way I thought Dauntless would do it. So maybe I had manipulated it, just without realizing it. And without triggering a response from the person who'd monitored the test. Something we'd been told would tell us where we belonged. Only now we knew it was just a ruse to get these people the information or result they wanted.

Divergence had always made us different. Special. There were times I thought I was some kind of freak because of what I was, but in the end it had always seemed to set me apart from the rest of our faction. Our city. Then we were being hunted, making it seem that we were that much more special. We had to be if Jeanine and the Erudite were willing to kill for it. To think it was just a sign of genetic healing to these people. Taking something that defined us and gave us power, and turned it into nothing special. Nothing at all.

Focusing on Matthew again, he was going on, "The only problem with the genetic tracker is that being aware during simulations and resisting serums doesn't necessarily mean that a person is Divergent, it's just a strong correlation."

"What?" I frowned, looking at Four again.

"Sometimes people will be aware during simulations or be able to resist serums even if they still have damaged genes." He replied and shrugged like it was no big deal. Taking a partial step forward, Four gripped my wrist. "That's why I'm interested in your genes, Tobias. I'm curious to see if you're actually Divergent, or if your simulation awareness just makes it look like you are."

"How dare you?" I shot at him.

"You're different." He said narrowing his eyes at me but was smiling like he was excited about something. I shook my head at him. "Where Tris is good at fighting serums and Tobias is good as being aware in simulations, you appear to be good at both. Something very uncommon in the Divergent."

"But it happens." I shot at him.

"Yes." He nodded. "It happens."

My mind was starting to reel with all this information. So they were sure that Tris was Divergent but now Four and I may not be? Actually, they hadn't put me into that category yet. But if there was a chance Four wasn't then there was a chance I wasn't. I wouldn't leave him in this alone. Not if I could help it. Pacing away from Matthew, I did a double take as I noticed Nita. She was clearing the counter but her expression is telling me that she wants to say something. Something that she probably shouldn't. It made me wonder what the hell was going on. They were silently contradicting each other and we had no idea why.

"All that's left is to sit and wait." Matthew told us. It would seem that he was sensing the uneasiness of the room. "I'm going to go get breakfast. Do any of you want something to eat?"

Four and Tris shook their heads while I simply continued to pace.

"I'll be back soon. Nita, keep them company, would you?"

He left without even acknowledging Nita for a response. Crossing my arms, I frowned at the door he'd just passed through. Turning back to the others, Tris sat on the examination table, the paper crinkling underneath her, tearing where her leg hung over the edge. Nita put her hands in the pockets of her jumpsuit, looking at all of us. She handed Four a cotton ball as a bubble of blood started to grow at the needle site.

"So you came from a city experiment." Tris said breaking the silence. "How long have you been here?"

"Since the Indianapolis experiment was disbanded, which was about eight years ago. I could have integrated into the greater population, outside the experiments, but that felt too overwhelming." Nita replied as she leaned against the counter. "So I volunteered to come here. I used to be a janitor. I'm moving through the ranks, I guess."

"Janitor? Is that what we have to look forward to?" I asked with a harsh tone.

Though hers hadn't been much different. It didn't seem she was too impressed with this new way of life. If it had taken eight years to get this far, how long would it take for any of us to achieve the same? Not only that but is this the highest she could go? If so, she had a long future of doing the same thing, day in and day out. I suddenly longed for the Parlor. Wanting the unknown aspect of the human imagination.

"And your city, it didn't have factions?" Tris asked.

"No, it was the control group—it helped them to figure out that the factions were actually effective by comparison. It had a lot of rules, though—curfew, wake-up times, safety regulations. No weapons allowed. Stuff like that."

"What happened?" Four asked.

In the next moment I knew he regretted it. If he hadn't asked I would have, but seeing the expression she now wore, the corners of her mouth turned down, the memory of it clearly painful, and I knew that he wished he hadn't asked.

"Well, a few of the people inside still knew how to make weapons. They made a bomb—you know, an explosive—and set it off in the government building." She explained. "Lots of people died. And after that, the Bureau decided our experiment was a failure. They erased the memories of the bombers and relocated the rest of us. I'm one of the only ones who wanted to come here."

"I'm sorry." Tris told her softly.

"Me too." I added.

"It's all right. It's not like you guys don't know about stuff like this." She replied. "With what Jeanine Matthews did, and all."

I nodded, "We've been through enough for a lifetime."

"Why haven't they shut our city down?" Tris asked. "The same way they did to yours?"

"They might still shut it down." She replied. "But I think the Chicago experiment, in particular, has been a success for so long that they'll be a little reluctant to just ditch it now. It was the first one with factions."

Rolling the cotton ball between my fingers, I frown as the red of my blood is seen every few turns. Looking at my arm, I knew it wasn't bleeding, but part of me wished the conversation would end. I didn't like talking about our city as if it wasn't…real.

"I like to think I would have chosen Dauntless." said Nita. "But I don't think I would have had the stomach for it."

Laughing lightly, I nodded, "Most don't."

"You'd be surprised what you have the stomach for, when you have to." Tris told her.

"It's still a decision that you made." I told her. "You _chose_ Dauntless. They didn't choose you until you gave them a reason to. It was a decision that you made. That all of us made. I agree that you'd be surprised when you don't have a choice, but our faction wasn't one of those. We chose it. It's what came after that we had no choice in."

"That's what I meant." Tris said softly.

"I didn't choose to be under attack. I didn't choose to be Divergent. I didn't choose to be a part of this war. It was thrown at me and in order to save myself and those that I care about I had to see it through."

"But you didn't." Tris retorted. "You could have ran and hid."

"That's not who I am."

"Exactly." She replied. "It's not who you are and therein lies the choice. You chose this just as much as the rest of us."

"Right." I said and went and slouched against the wall.

She was probably right but I didn't want to admit that in this moment. For as much as some of it had been a choice, a lot of it hadn't been. I didn't choose to almost lose Eric. I didn't choose for my sister to die. I didn't choose for Eric to have to deal with his demons and mine. There was plenty that I hadn't chosen. I was starting to feel that those outnumbered the ones I had.

It was eerily right on the hour mark when Matthew finally came back. He didn't say much, but went and sat at the computer. He sat there in silence for a long time, his eyes shifting back and forth as he reads the screen. He made a revelatory noise every once in a while, making us all look at him. Then I continued my pacing, my arms crossed, wondering what Eric was doing. Thinking about him helped me not get overly annoyed or anxious at this boy who was going to tell us about our Divergence.

"How you doing?" I asked Tris softly.

"I'm anxious." She replied.

I nodded, "Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. I've been a bit unstable and I'm sorry for that too."

Then she met my eyes, smiling gently, "But you seem better."

"Do I?" I smiled. "Good. Eric and I made a friend who took us to the river. I had pulled a pile of petals from the atrium to dedicate to Tori and Henry. Letting them go in the water seemed to help. That and Eric and I finally cried it out."

"I'm glad you got to grieve." She replied. "It's starting to feel like the number of the dead just keeps rising."

"As long as it's not us or the ones we love." I replied with certainty.

She nodded, her smile faltering. "I need to tell you something." She told me.

"Uh oh." I frowned at her.

"No, I don't think it's necessarily bad."

"Okay." I nodded.

"David gave me a tablet that has my mother's files on it from when she was here. And letters she had sent to David." She told me.

"Good." I smiled. "Then you can hopefully get some closure." She nodded. "What?" I asked shaking my head.

"He gave me one for you too." She told me.

Taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, I nodded, "Okay."

"My mother was sent into the city when Jeanine's predecessor started to hunt the Divergent. She was sixteen. Your parents were the same age, sent in when my mother sent word that she couldn't do it alone."

"They were both put into Amity?" I frowned.

"I don't think so. My mom was put into Dauntless because of her pre-existing tattoos and they were told she was fifteen. I'm sure they told the same thing in whichever faction your parents were put into. Then when my mother's Divergence appeared she was told to choose a safer faction."

"Makes sense." I nodded. "But…"

"I know." She told me. "I haven't read any of my mother's so I can't really tell you anything else. All I can say is that the information is available if you want it."

"Thank you." I smiled at her.

Did I want it?

Did I want to know exactly what my parents had done and been through?

They were alive and when I asked them they denied me. What was so bad that they didn't want me to know? Why didn't they tell me about this place? Why would they have let me come out here ignorant when they knew exactly what I was walking into? There were so many questions that I did want answered. But did I want to read it for myself or wait for the day to come when I finally saw them again? I didn't have to figure it out right now.

"You're going to talk to Eric about it first, aren't you?" She smirked at me.

Smiling, I felt a slight blush rise in my cheeks. "Yes, Tris. I will."

"Why?" She asked. Not in a mean way. It was obvious that she was genuinely curious.

"We're a team, Tris. We always have been. Even when we weren't together we were still a team. I can't imagine doing anything without him if I can help it."

"It's kind of crazy how different our relationships are."

I laughed and nodded, "It really is. But we're happy, Tris. Right?"

She did the odd thing and hugged me, making me tense before I was hugging her back. We didn't hug often and usually there was more emotional turmoil to make the action happen. But it was nice. Relaxing into her, it felt good, feeling like I had a sister here. Without Claude, she was it, and I was starting to feel that bond forming. Releasing her, Four was smiling at us. Grinning at him, I nudged Tris, getting her to grin too. At least it helped lighten us up as we waited.

Finally Matthew looked up and turned the screen around so we can see what's on it. "This program helps us to interpret the data in an understandable way. What you see here is a simplified depiction of a particular DNA sequence in Tris's genetic material." He explained.

I'd seen DNA before but it was so limited that the only thing I can recognize is what he's already said it was. DNA. A complicated mass of lines and numbers, with certain parts selected in yellow and red.

"These selections here suggest healed genes. We wouldn't see them if the genes were damaged." He said tapping certain parts of the screen. Furrowing my brows, I tried to understand but wasn't following as well as I would have hoped. None of us are and he hasn't noticed, too caught up in his own explanation. "These selections over here indicate that the program also found the genetic tracker, the simulation awareness. The combination of healed genes and simulation awareness genes is just what I expected to see from a Divergent. Now, this is the strange part."

He touched the screen again, making it change, but it's still just as confusing, now showing a web of lines, and tangled threads of numbers.

"This is the map of Tobias's genes." Matthew explained. "As you can see, he has the right genetic components for simulation awareness, but he doesn't have the same 'healed' genes that Tris does."

"What does that mean?" Four and I say at the same time.

"It means," Matthew replied, "that you are not Divergent. Your genes are still damaged, but you have a genetic anomaly that allows you to be aware during simulations anyway. You have, in other words, the appearance of a Divergent without actually being one."

"That's impossible." I retorted angrily. "There must be a mistake."

"If there is, you tell me." Matthew replied motioning toward the screen. "Do you see the differences?"

Stepping forward, I hovered over him, "How do I switch screens?"

He showed me where to tap and I flipped back to Tris's results and then again to Four's. Back and forth. Back and forth. Studying them as I tried to find some flaw in his reasoning. I didn't find one. Looking up at Four, he looked like he'd taken a blow. His genes are just as damaged as Eric's are. As Christina's and everyone else's.

"What about mine?" I asked him. Tris moved closer to me, looking at the screen.

He pulls up mine; I can see my name on the top of the screen. I shudder at how much information they know. Looking at it, he highlights the sections that show the healed genes and the genetic tracker.

"You have more." Matthew smiled.

"What does that mean?" I frowned at him.

He sighed and looked at me, "You're special."

"I don't want to be special." I shot at him, pushing myself away from the desk. "And is that because I'm older than Tris?"

"Maybe," He nodded. "But doubtful. Your genes are your genes at birth."

"But both my parents came from this facility." I frowned at him.

His smile broadened, "Which is another crazy thing to think about. Your parents were sent in to help save the Divergent. Now, unless they never did any genetic testing on them while they were here, one or both of them are Divergent."

"But neither of my sisters are Divergent. So if one or both of my parents are, why am I the only one?"

"It's genes." He shrugged. "There is no way to know everything about them. We can do all the research and experiments we want, but at the end of the day, there will still be anomalies and surprises that we can't explain. The Purity War made that very clear to us. No matter how hard we tried to create genetically pure people, some were always damaged. An infinite amount of possibilities."

He made sense. But that didn't change the fact that I felt worse about myself instead of better. I didn't want to be Divergent if that meant Tobias was damaged. That part didn't make any sense. I understood anomalies but this was Tobias. This was Four. He was the perfect Divergent and now he's being told that he has the ability to be aware in simulations but his genes are still damaged. His father was Divergent and yet he wasn't. I was Divergent but my sisters weren't. Shutting my eyes I shook my head, trying to process all of this.

"Matthew." Tris said. "Don't you want to take this data to your lab to analyze?"

"Well, I was planning on discussing it with our subjects here." Matthew replied.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Tris told him, leaving no room for argument.

He looked taken aback but nodded, clearing the screen, "Alright. But if you want any more information, feel free to visit my lab at any time."

We all nod, but no one says anything. He left the room and now it's the four of us, standing in silence. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at Four. He's clearly shaken by this. Stepping up to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face there as he did the same, his arms not as strong as they usually are as he wrapped them around me.

"It's okay." I whispered to him.

Then I felt Tris next to us, "It's not that big a deal." She told him firmly. "Okay?"

In the next second he shoved me away from him, turning to her, practically yelling, "You don't get to tell me it's not a big deal!"

Wrapping an arm around myself, I put my elbow on top of it, my fingers against my lips. I took another step back, glancing at Nita who is busying herself at the counter, making sure the containers there are lined up, though they haven't moved since we first came in.

"Yeah, I do!" Tris exclaimed. "You're the same person you were five minutes ago and four months ago and eighteen years ago! This doesn't change anything about you."

I'd told Eric something very similar. Because it was true. Nothing had changed because of this. It didn't mean anything. It would never mean anything. He was the same man who helped make me the woman I am today. The same man who fell in love with the spitfire in front of me. The same man who has been protecting all of us throughout this entire journey. Nothing has changed.

"So you're telling me this affects nothing. The truth affects nothing." He told her angrily.

"What truth?" She countered. "These people tell you there's something wrong with your genes, and you just believe it?"

"It was right there." He replied gesturing toward the screen. "You saw it."

"I also see you." She told him fiercely, gripping his arm. "And I know who you are."

I can tell that he wants to believe her. But everything inside of him is now telling him that there's something wrong with him. But it's not true. "I…need to take a walk. I'll see you later."

"Tobias, wait –" Tris told him, but he's already gone.

Looking at Tris, I rushed out of the room, "Tobias!" I yelled. He stopped but didn't turn around. Running toward him, I spun in front of him. "You are not damaged. I don't give one fuck about what those screens say or what they think they know. You are amazing and not damaged. Tris is right. Nothing has changed, Tobias. Nothing."

"You're pure." He said finally meeting my eyes. "You wouldn't understand." He said pushing past me.

"Bullshit!" I yelled, rushing in front of him and slammed my hand against his chest. "You aren't this person. You don't believe something just because they say it's true."

"There's proof!" He yelled at me. "Right on the screen!"

"It doesn't mean anything!" I yelled back. "You are perfect just the way you are. You don't need special genes for that to be true."

"Pen, just stop."

"No! I will not let you disappear because of one little thing like genes. If it's that big of a deal then let them use us as guinea pigs and let's just swap genes. Because I'd much rather be damaged than pure."

"Don't say that." He frowned.

"It's true." I told him. "Because if you haven't forgotten, Eric is also damaged. How do you think he feels about it?"

"Probably the same as I do." He sighed.

"Exactly. But I told him the same as I'm telling you. He is perfect. You are perfect. No matter what genes run through you, you are perfect just the way you are and I love you just as much now as I did ten minutes ago when we all thought we were this special little group of people. And Tris feels the same way. Do not push her away because of this."

"I'm nothing like her." He frowned.

Sighing, feeling emotion starting to build up, I took his hand. "You may not share her Divergence anymore but you are everything to her. She loves you and wants you just the way you are. Damaged and all."

"You don't know that."

"I do know that, Tobias. I do know that. Because I want Eric more now than I ever have before. Nothing has changed between us because nothing has changed. I'm saying this as someone who is going through the same thing that you are. Talk to Eric. Let him tell you how much it doesn't matter because it doesn't matter."

"The more you say it doesn't make it any more true."

"Don't be like this." I told him sadly.

He sighed, gripping my hand tightly before letting it go, moving around me. "I need to clear my head. I'll see you later, Pen."

Sighing, I watched him go, "I'm your Opie." I said softly even though he couldn't hear me.

Turning back to the lab, Nita was slowly walking down it, smiling at me as I passed her. Going back into the Gene Therapy room, I sighed and shrugged, gesturing with my arms, as I stepped back up to Tris. She just smiled and nodded at me.

"I tried." I told her.

"I know." She nodded. "And I'm sure he heard you. I'm just not sure if he's ready to listen."

"He's not." I replied, crossing my arms and looking at the floor as I scuffed it with my shoe.

"What now?" She asked.

I shrugged and sighed again, "I think I'm going to get back to Eric. Unless you wanna hang out for a while. To talk or anything."

"No, I'm good." She smiled.

"Okay." I smiled, hugging her briefly before turning to the door.

Leaving, I passed Nita on her way back to the room, nodding as her with a smile before I was passed her. Then I saw Zoe making her way down the hall. I hadn't talked to her much and didn't really feel like it right now, but she smiled and waved, making me do the same, slowing as she stopped and turned to me.

"I've been tracking you all down." She smiled. "We've scheduled a plane ride for everyone. If you're interested."

"That's very kind of you. Thank you, Zoe. But I have a horrible fear of heights so I'm going to have to pass." I told her kindly.

"I understand." She smiled. "If you happen to change your mind, we're meeting at gate B14 in two hours."

"Okay. Thank you." I smiled before moving back down the hall.

Practically running, I made it back to the ballroom, opening the door and immediately looked for Eric. Seeing him on his bed, I rushed toward him, finally feeling all the tension leave my body, then I noticed the tablet he had in his hands, reading something on its surface.

"Eric." I frowned at him.

"Hey." He said looking up at me. "This was sitting on your bed."

For a second I was furious with him. That was the tablet Tris had told me about. The one with all my parents' files and letters and whatever else they had stored here. It was all the things I didn't know and he was already reading through it. He sensed it, quickly shutting it down and standing.

"Pen." He said holding up his hands.

"It's fine." I said shaking my anger down to a manageable level, holding my hand up to him as well. "Sit down." He did, looking anxious. Sighing, I did the same, taking his hands in mine, bringing them to my lips and pressed a long kiss against them.

"Baby?" He frowned. "What happened?"

"I am officially deemed genetically pure." I replied. "Tris as well. And…"

"And?" He frowned.

"And despite Four's ability to be aware during simulations, his genes do not support his Divergence. He is technically genetically damaged." I told him.

"What?" He frowned.

Nodding, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "He didn't take it well."

"I know the feeling." He replied softly.

Furrowing my brows, I moved closer to him. "Hey. But you believe me, right? When I tell you that it doesn't matter? That nothing has changed and that I am more in love with you now than I have ever been? You believe me, right? Because nothing has changed, Eric."

His hand found my face, smiling at me, "I do believe you, Pen. But it's still something that kinda weighs on a guy."

"Why?"

"Not so much me, but I'm sure Four is now comparing himself to Tris, realizing that she is…better than he is."

"But she's not." I frowned.

"I know." He nodded. "But to him, their Divergence was part of their bond. Without it, I'm sure he's feeling a bit overwhelmed and upset."

"But you're not, right? Because if you are than you need to tell me. Don't let me believe that we're good if we're not." I replied anxiously.

He smiled, pulling me into his lap as he leaned back against the wall, his hands against my thighs. "We're good, baby." He told me. "I don't care if I'm damaged and you're pure. You've always been perfect to me. This just proves it." Leaning down, I kissed him deeply. Then his brows furrowed, "And I thought we were talking about Four."

"He may have made me feel insecure about what you're feeling. I just don't want you to placate me by agreeing with me or telling me what I want to hear." I replied, gently gripping the front of his shirt. "I want you to be honest with me. No matter what you're thinking or feeling."

"I am always honest with you." He told me matter-of-factly. "We wouldn't make an effective team if we weren't honest with each other."

Smiling, I kissed him again, my hands finding his neck as I pressed my forehead against his. "I love you."

"I know. I love you too."

"Do we say that too much?" I asked. "I mean, we know, so do we have to say it? We could come up with a word or something to mean it instead."

He laughed and shook his head. "Yeah, no." He told me. "I like hearing it. I like saying it. I love you, Penelope Farrier, and I am not afraid to say it or for everyone to know it. I love you!" He yelled.

Laughing, I blushed heavily as everyone in the room looked at us, "Stop. Okay. Okay."

Then he was kissing me, stifling the laugh in my throat. His tongue parted my lips and I took a deep breath of him. Rubbing mine against his, I deepened the kiss until I couldn't breathe, keeping it until we both needed to take a breath.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." I told him, kissing him several more times until the sound of throats clearing finally reached my ears. Leaning away from him, I ran my thumb across his lips.

"Good. Never stop saying it." He told me firmly.

Smiling, I took his head in my hands, "Whatever you say, baby."

"Now, then. Are we still talking about Four?"

"Will you talk to him when he gets back?" I asked him.

"Yeah." He nodded.

Sighing, I nodded, "Thank you."

"Anything for you, baby."

Laughing lightly, I kissed him once more before moving off of him. Picking up the tablet, I held it in my lap and looked up at him. "How far did you get?"

"I'm a pretty fast reader." He replied.

Smiling, I took his hand, "I know. So how far did you get?" He sighed and nodded. "Baby." He wrung my hand. "Eric."

"There is a lot of emotions and feelings inside of there. They talk about how they fell in love here at sixteen. They were split up when they volunteered to go into the city. They had a secret relationship until the Choosing Ceremony. Then they both picked Amity. It was the one faction that they could see themselves raising their children in. She was pregnant with Hazel at nineteen. Maggie at twenty-one. And then you at twenty-six. She wrote about how honored she was to be a mother. Your father wrote about how blessed he was to have the love of his life with him, raising her children in a safe and happy faction. Watching you grow into the talented women that you are."

"That's a lot of positive." I told him. "Where's the negative?"

"They were second guessing what they were sent here to do. They wanted to protect the Divergent but they couldn't live a lie. They did what they had to do. And they kept in touch with the compound here longer than Natalie did. They wanted to have as much of their lives documented as they could. They reported anomalies in your dad's aptitude test. It was years later when your mom admitted to the same."

"So Matthew was right. Both of my parents are more than likely Divergent as well."

He nodded, "Sounds that way." I nodded back, taking a deep breath. "One of the last reports they sent was their concern that with Jeanine in control, her influence was spreading, seeing changes even in their own home."

"Hazel?" I asked with furrowed brows.

He nodded again, "They've always been worried about Hazel."

"They should have said something."

"And they've always known about you." He added with a small smile.

"What?" I frowned. "How?"

"Your mom claimed that there were no words to make anyone believe it. But that the fight you had in you and the resistance and perseverance that you showed even as a child, made her believe with all of her that you were Divergent. Both your parents, in different entries, vowed to protect you for the rest of their lives."

"Then I defected."

He nodded, "Then you defected. Only it didn't stop them. It had been years since your parents had any contact with the compound. But he made one last trip out here and fought for you. It wasn't long after we started seeing each other. Jeanine had started to move plans forward. The danger was becoming real. He fought for you to be saved as George was saved. As Amar was saved. He wanted you taken out of the city and brought here." Shaking my head, I didn't understand. "But when it came time to fake your death, they couldn't do it."

"Why not?" I asked airily.

"Because they were told about how happy you were. They were told about me. They didn't want to ruin your life. Even if they went through with it, they knew you'd be miserable. You wouldn't have stayed here. You would have gone back and would have left a lot of questions in your wake."

"They let me stay because of you?" I smiled at him.

He smiled and nodded, "Yeah, they did. Which is good, because if they made me think you dead I'd never have recovered, and I never would have made it this far."

"You would have, Eric. You're not the same man you once were."

"At the time they wanted to kill you, I hadn't quite made the transition yet. If they had gone through with their plan I would have become the monster you had been trying so hard to keep me from being."

"I love you." I smiled, rubbing his arm.

"And I love you more than anything." He replied slipping his fingers into my hair, pulling me to him so he could kiss me.

"Anything else?" I asked.

"You'll have to read them for yourself, baby."

"No." I told him, setting the tablet aside. "You finish them if you want, but I don't want to read them."

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because even the small amount you just told me, makes me want to wait and hear them tell me themselves." I replied.

"Do you finally forgive them?" He asked.

"Do you think I should?" I countered.

He sighed, and nodded, "Yeah, baby, I do. They've done everything they can to protect you. They still thought the best way of doing that was to keep knowledge of this place from you. And that night we left, emotions were so high, I just think they didn't know what to do. I think they wanted to tell you but we didn't leave them any room to argue when we left."

"It felt good to leave them behind." I told him with furrowed brows. "It felt like it solidified the idea in my mind that I truly only need you."

"Just because you want to see them again and talk to them, doesn't mean you need them. You would be fine without them, but they're still your parents and they've had a pretty decent run together. They almost compare to us."

Laughing lightly, I cocked my head at him, "Really?"

"Mm-hm." He replied. "Your Dad ended up in Erudite when he was put into the city. He attempted to gather as much information about what Jeanine and her predecessor were planning, but everything was pretty hush-hush. Then he got scared for your mother who was in Abnegation, and decided they needed to join a faction that they could trust."

"Wow." I told him.

"Yup." He nodded. "Are you sure you don't want to read them?"

"Today I am." I smiled at him. "But I know it's here if I want to read them. But right now I'm okay with not reading them."

"Okay." He smiled.

"I saw Zoe in the hallway on my way back. She said they're taking us up in one of the planes."

"Us?" He frowned. "Are you coming?"

"Are you going?"

"I was going to, yeah." He nodded.

"Good." I smiled at him. "But no, I am not going. Too high for me."

"You don't mind, do you?"

I furrowed my brows, waving him off, "Of course not. I left you to go deal with my genes. Now you get to have your own experience with these people."

His expression turned serious, "What do you think about these people?"

"Most I don't like very much." I told him honestly. "Not as people necessarily, but I don't agree with everything they're about. I don't agree with putting everyone into two categories. I can't say we would have been better off staying in the city, but I do have heavy reservations about what they're doing here. All the serum creations, the genetic testing, the lies and the watching…all of it makes me uncomfortable." He nodded. "What about you?"

"I agree." He told me. "I think they're causing more trouble versus actually finding a solution to whatever problem they think exists. As long as we're all living, why should it matter what genes we have?"

"Exactly." I nodded.


	15. Bonding

**Chapter Fifteen: Bonding**

As soon as Eric was gone, I couldn't help the melancholy that settled over me. Not that I couldn't handle a little alone time. We all needed a little alone time every now and again. Sitting on the bed, I held the tablet in my hands, turning it on and off. Everyone else had gone for the ride on the plane, and Four hadn't been seen since he left the lab. I wondered where his head was; wanting to find him, but if he didn't want to be found than it wasn't going to happen.

"Pen?" A voice said from the door.

"Ainsley." I smiled at her.

"Didn't want to go up in the plane?" She asked as she stepped forward.

Laughing lightly, I shook my head. "No, I did not."

She slowly sat next to me, putting a small paper folder in her lap. "Not a fan of heights, huh?"

"I'm afraid of heights. Not as much as other things, but it's definitely up there." I replied.

She picked up the tablet, sliding her fingers down the front of it. "Are your parents on here?" I nodded. "Are you gonna read it?"

"Nope." I replied. "Eric read it and he gave the highlights. I'll wait and let them tell me when I see them again. _If_ I ever see them again."

She just looked at me a moment and then stood up, "Come on."

"To where?" I asked.

"I want to show you something." She told me.

"And the folder?" I asked.

"We'll do that when we get back." She replied setting it down on the bed.

Getting up, I followed her from the room, walking familiar halls until we were standing in front of the control room. Letting us inside, she sat at one of the computers, pulling a chair closer to her. Sitting down, I looked at the monitor as she clicked some buttons and tapped the screen. Small squares appeared on the screen. She tapped a few more, leaving a foursquare group.

"Amity." I said and reached toward the screen.

"Wait." She told me. She clicked a few buttons and then nodded at me.

Trailing my fingers across the screen, I saw the giant tree, the fields, the barns, and the cafeteria. People move in and out of the frames. Some I recognize but most I don't. My eyes are looking for any sign of my parents.

"Usually they've shown up by now." Ainsley said as she started clicking and tapping again.

I watched as the screens changed, making them bigger and smaller. Changing the angles and then coming back to where we had started. She looked at me with a frown, shrugging and shaking her head.

"How do you switch between the factions?" I asked her.

She showed me, and then gave me the mouse, allowing me to click between the cameras, teaching myself what I could tap on and how it worked. Ainsley watched me with slight fascination as I searched for my family. Frantically flipping through screens, frustration started to take over and I slammed my hands against the keyboard, shoving myself away from the desk. All eyes in the control room are on me. Breathing hard, I stood and moved from the room, rushing back toward the ballroom.

"Pen. Pen, wait." Ainsley said following me. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." I told her but kept moving. "You gave me hope of seeing the people I care about."

"Then it is my fault." She replied, falling in step next to me.

"No." I told her. "I appreciate you trying."

She smiled and nodded, "We'll try again."

"Thank you." I smiled back at her.

"Kid?" A voice said from behind me.

Turning, I couldn't help the shock that crossed my face. "Doc." I said and then I was rushing toward her, throwing my arms around her neck. "Oh my god. Doc. What are you doing here?"

"I gotta say it's damn good to see you, Kid." She replied hugging me tightly.

"Why are you here?"

She sighed and started to walk again. She led me and Ainsley to the cafeteria, getting a cup of coffee before taking a seat. "I had a falling out with Evelyn." She told me.

"Because of Edward?" I asked. She nodded. "What did she do?"

"She wanted me gone." She told me sadly.

I frowned at her, "Gone? Like dead gone?"

She shook her head, "I don't know. All I know is that I needed to get gone, so I got gone."

"Did the people here find you?"

She nodded, "I had been wandering around for a few days before I was picked up by Zoe and Amar. They do a lot of the scouting around the borders between our world and theirs."

"I'm sure they could use another doctor." I smiled at her.

She sighed, lifting her eyebrows, and nodded. "Sure."

"What is it?" I asked.

"They're doctors are better here." She stated. "My training turns out is quite minimal compared to theirs here. I'm not as needed as I used to be."

"I still need you." I smiled at her.

"What job are they going to give you?" She asked.

"It's been a day. Right now they're just letting us get acclimated."

She nodded, "That'll end soon enough."

"Not very fond of them either?" I asked as we glanced around us.

"Something isn't right." She replied. I nodded as her. "But if you want to jumpstart your career here, you're more than welcome to become my nurse." She added and smiled. "I'm sure if I vouch for you, they'll allow it. I've seen what you can do. You'd be an asset."

"I'll think about it." I smiled at her.

"Gotta check with that boy of yours?" She smiled back.

"We're a team." I nodded.

She put her hand on my forearm. "You're lucky."

"I know I am." I grinned at her. "He's amazing."

"Well, I do have a few patients to see to. Want to join me? Everyone else seems to be preoccupied."

"Yeah." I nodded, both of us standing. "You wanna come, Ainsley?" I asked her.

"I'm not very good with blood." She smiled squeamishly. "I'll come find you again later."

"Okay." I smiled at her. "Thank you."

Following Doc back to the hospital, she showed me around. There was an emergency type area for people who needed to be treated fairly quickly. There were also two wings of rooms for the patients, which only added up to about twenty-four. It doesn't seem like a big number to me but the more she talked and the more patients we checked up on, the number went from small to infinite.

She showed me all the equipment I was unfamiliar with, giving me a quick rundown on what they did and how to use them. It was a lot of information and I knew I wasn't going to be able to remember a lot of it until I was able to use it. Nodding as we went along, we talked to the patients and a few of the other nurses. Greg, one of the nurses she had befriended, he talked us through some of their procedures they'd done recently and their protocol for patient recovery.

By the time I left, I felt like my head was going to fall off. I was all for helping out since I had run the Med Area back home, but I knew when I was out of my league. Not that I wouldn't bust my ass to do the best I possibly could. Though right before I left, there had been an accident in the training room. One of the guards had tripped and busted his knee. He had been pretty upset and ramie, giving me much pleasure in holding him down, yelling at him, and even hitting him once when he lunged at another nurse who clearly had never been lunged at before. Her eyes became discs and she was too shaky to get in the IV. Taking it over, I slid the needle into his vein, administering the sedative and holding down his shoulder as he relaxed.

Doc complimented me, making sure the compounds staff knew that I was more capable than half of these people. Telling them that I had been Dauntless. Though most wouldn't understand exactly what that meant. You could watch us for years and never really understand what we were about. That made me proud. That made me proud to be Dauntless.

When I finally reached the ballroom, I was happy to finally feel like I could relax. It had been a far more eventful day than I had thought it would be. Stepping inside, Eric was sitting on his bed with the tablet in hand. Hearing the door, he looked up, a grin crossing his face and he quickly got up, jogging toward me. Doing the same, I threw my arms around his neck, holding him tightly as he spun me.

"You should have come, baby." He told me excitedly. "It was amazing."

"Tell me all about it." I smiled up at him.

Going back to the bed, I sat across from him, listening intently as he told me how small everything looked and yet seemed so big. He told me how our city covered two hundred twenty-seven square miles. He described the scorched buildings that had been a result of the Purity War. He was so excited. I don't think I'd ever seen him so excited about something. It was something new and different. I was happy for him. I'd never go with him, but I was happy he had gone.

"How was your day?" He asked after he'd finished. "I feel like I've been talking too much."

"I like when you talk." I told him, rubbing his arm as I held his hand in the other.

"I don't think I've ever heard him talk so much." Four smiled as he came in.

"Hey." I smiled back at him.

He sat behind me, starting to rub my shoulders, neck and back. God it felt good. Rubbing Eric's arm, I bowed my head, shutting my eyes as I started to relax. When he was done, he wrapped his arms around me, pressing close against my back. Putting my free arm over his, I looked at him over my shoulder.

"How you holding up?" I asked him softly.

"I'm not." He said pressing a kiss against my shoulder blades.

"We should grab some dinner." I told him softly.

He sighed, letting me go, "I'm not hungry."

"When was the last time you ate?" Eric asked him.

He didn't reply right away, instead he met Eric's eyes, "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course." Eric told him.

"Tobias." I said gripping his fingers.

He smiled at me, pressing a kiss against my cheek, "Everything is fine, Opie."

Standing up, all my tension returned. "Okay." I smiled at him.

Eric took my head in his hands, his thumbs rubbing my cheeks. Putting my hands over his wrists, I smiled up at him as I ran my thumbs across the top of his hands. He leaned down, kissing me slowly. "We'll be back."

"Be careful." I told him.

"I love you, woman." He smiled.

Grinning, I kissed him again, "I love you too."

He pressed a quick kiss against my forehead before walking away. Four winked at me from over his shoulder, making me smile at him. But as soon as they were gone, it disappeared and I couldn't help but stare at the door. It was only a few minutes longer when it opened and the majority of our group came through.

"You okay?" Christina asked.

"Yeah." I nodded at her.

"You weren't at dinner." Tris added.

"Neither were you for a while." Uriah told her, gently nudging her.

Tris nodded and stepped up to me, looking at the tablet that was on Eric's bed. "Have you read anything?"

"No." I replied. "Eric's been reading it."

"You let him read it without you?" She smirked but it was a serious question.

"He read it without me knowing it. But I'm happy he did. I don't want to read it. To know what their lives here were like. Eric can give me the highlights. Anything else can wait till I see my parents again." She smiled and nodded, but there was clear sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I know there's nothing fair about mine being alive and yours dead."

"No."

"Have you started to read your mother's?" I asked softly. She nodded. "Was it hard?"

She met my eyes, "Very." Nodding, I sighed. Just one more reason why I was okay with not reading mine. "Have you seen Tobias?"

I nodded, "He was here briefly. Then he and Eric left."

"To go where?" She frowned.

"I don't know." I replied, rubbing my arm.

She nodded, going to Christina and Uriah. Sitting on my bed, I reached over and grabbed Eric's pillow, hugging it against my chest. Shutting my eyes, I opened them as the bed shifted. Frowning, I took in the smiling face of my sister.

"I'm tired." I told her.

"Can we talk?" She asked.

"No."

There was a long moment's silence before she sighed, "I guess I should feel lucky. Tris won't say a word to Caleb."

"Why should she?" I frowned at her. "You both are traitors. That doesn't just go away because we're out here." The room was quiet. It was always quiet when one of these moments came around. "Just go, Hazel. Please."

"What's on the tablet?" She asked with a hard tone.

"What?" I frowned at her.

"What's on the tablet?" She repeated. "I've seen Eric reading it and I overheard you talking about it. Mom and Dad are on that tablet, aren't they?"

"It's none of your concern." I shot back at her.

"They're my parents too." She retorted harshly.

"Then you can ask them about it when you see them next."

"Why are you being so selfish?!" She yelled at me.

Standing up, I grabbed the tablet, tossing it to Tris before I left the room. I didn't want it but I sure as hell didn't want her to have it either. Storming down the halls, I went to the atrium, sitting on a bench underneath the tree, staring up into its roots.

"Hey." Ainsley said running into view. "You okay?"

"No." I told her. "Not really."

"What happened?" She asked sitting next to me, setting the same folder from this morning into her lap.

"What's in there?" I smiled at her.

She smiled excitedly, "Something that will definitely cheer you up. But tell me what happened first."

Gripping the edge of the bench, I leaned forward, "Hazel."

Her smile disappeared. "I saw you with her when Jeanine was holding you in Erudite."

"You watched all that?" I asked softly, seeing her nod out of the corner of my eye. Scoffing, I laughed lightly. "I guess that's what I can't wrap my head around most. All these things have happened to me and the people I care about. Things that should never had happened and all the while you people were in here just…watching."

"I know." She replied, gently tugging on the base of my shirt. "It sucks and I get what you're feeling, but what were we supposed to do? We can't jeopardize what we've been working on for all these years."

"You were never part of the experiments, were you?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Then I'm sorry, Ainsley, but you just don't understand."

Staring at the floor, several minutes passed before she scooted a little closer to me. "You're right. I don't understand. I don't understand a lot of things. But I can tell you that I don't agree with everything we're about. I see you, Pen. I see you and Eric and Tobias and Tris. I see Claude and…and I saw Henry. I see so much and yet no one ever sees me."

"Am I supposed to pity you now?" I asked more harshly then I meant to.

"No." She frowned. "No, Pen, I do not want your pity. I'm just trying to relate to the person who got me through for years now."

"Why me, Ainsley? It doesn't make sense."

"Does it have to?" She smirked.

"Kinda." I smirked back. "Especially when you're talking about the lowest moments of my life."

"I wished I could have told you that he was alive." She told me.

"You saw him?" I asked.

She nodded. "He was a complete and total beast when he found out you were still inside. He's right to have the reputation he does."

"Yeah, but he hardly shows that side anymore." I smiled. "I love the more gentle side of him."

"Which brings me to this." She said and handed me the folder.

Opening it, I pulled out a stack of photos. The first one was of me and Eric looking at each other while I was on his back. The next several were of us fooling around in the water. There was one where we were in the water. He was over me, drops of water falling off of us. My hand was against his face smiling as I stared into his eyes. Though he was staring too, his expression one of love and devotion. Staring for a long time, I finally flipped to the next one, then the next, and next. They were of us crying on the rock. I thought we would look grotesque in some way but it was actually quite beautiful. Getting toward the end, there were several more of us dropping the petals into the water. Everything seemed to fit so well.

"Ainsley." I said breathlessly. "They are exquisite."

She smiled, "I'm glad you like them."

"How could I not?" I smiled at her. "I didn't even know you were taking them."

She nodded and gently nudged me, "You two were pretty preoccupied."

Laughing lightly, I nodded, "I really love him."

She stood and started to walk from the room, "Come on."

Putting the pictures back into the folder, I held it tight to me as I followed. "Where are we going?"

"Somewhere where you can let out a bit of energy."

Smiling, she led me to an excellent training room. Even Dauntless would be impressed. There were three soldiers working out, looking like they'd just started since there was a lack of glistening sweat. I couldn't help but take a deep breath of the smell of all the bodies that had been in here. There was something comforting about it.

"Are you going to join me?" I asked her.

She laughed and handed me a gray tank-top and a black sweats, "Hell no."

"Fine." I said quickly changing.

Bouncing on the balls of my feet, I made my way toward one of the punching bags. Grinning, I started to hit it, the feeling empowering. It took all of two minutes for me to fall into my normal routine. I didn't even know they had this room. Otherwise I would have been here long before now. I felt a little out of shape as sweat started to bead far sooner than usual. Pushing myself until my muscles were burning, I stopped, wiping the sweat from my eyes. Turning, I saw that all three men were watching me.

"Can I help you with something?" I frowned at them.

Two just shook their heads, but one motioned toward a door at the back of the room. Frowning, I followed him, walking through a door, stepping onto a mat. The entire floor was a mat, long florescent lights intermittently spaced along the ceiling, the edges of the room in shadow. Smiling, I looked at him. He smirked back, moving to the middle of the room.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked him.

He laughed, relaxing for a moment, "I know who you are, Pen. I've been waiting for this for a long time."

My smile faltered and I felt like every one of my muscles tensed at the same time. He knew who I was and had been waiting for this moment. Just one more reminder of how long these people have been watching us. One more reminder how our lives were never really alone.

Nodding, I held my hand out, bending my fingers for him to bring it. He smiled and then lunged at me. Leaning back, I avoided his fist, slamming my fist into his side. His hand moved to it, laughing lightly as he grinned at me. Rolling my shoulders, I paced in front of him, waiting for him to make the next move. I wanted to see what he would do if I was only defensive. Was he patient? Was he smart? Was he quick? Calculated? Well trained?

Most of my questions were answered in just a matter of minutes. He had come at me again and again, never waiting long enough for me to make a move. Each assumption he made was wrong. I was pain free while he was bruised and bleeding. He was clearly frustrated, circling me as a wolf circles a kill. Deciding to mix it up, I feigned to the left, spun to the right as he moved to block me, dropping to the ground and swiped his feet out from under him. Stepping back just long enough to let him get back onto his feet, I swiftly threw a few consecutive punches, letting him block them before I leaned back as he threw a punch, bringing my knee up and slamming my foot against the center of his chest. He flew backward, his back slamming against the floor.

For a second I thought he was going to stay down. Then he sprung back onto his feet, throwing himself at my center, taking me to the ground. Holding my arms in front of my face, his fists kept hitting my flesh as I blocked each one. When he pulled back to throw another punch, I gripped his head, slamming mine into it. He fell to the side, giving me plenty of time to swing my legs out from under him, getting back onto my feet. He stood and lunged yet again, only I met him half way, launching myself into the air, bending my knees and slamming my fist into his face as I came down, landing lightly on the balls of my feet as he once again slammed into the ground.

Pacing, waiting to see what his next move was, he didn't get up, but started to laugh. "Are you done?" I asked him.

"Yeah." He nodded as he looked up at me. "I'm done."

Nodding, I smiled and offered him my hand. "And?"

He took it, letting me help him to his feet. "And I think we have a lot to learn from each other."

Smiling, I nodded, "I'm sure there is. Though I have to say I had expected more from you soldiers from the outside."

"Maybe alone you could beat us." One of the others told me.

"What about all three of us?" Another said with a smirk.

They both stepped forward, while the third held his hand up. "Guys."

"No." I replied quickly. "It's okay. I haven't had a good fight in weeks."

"And if you get hurt?"

"What are your names?" I asked.

"Heath." The one I'd already fought told me.

"Colin." The second told me.

"Lewis." The third replied.

Nodding, I smiled at them, "Nice to meet you."

"Well?" Lewis asked with a raised brow.

Grinning now, I nodded, "Alright, you're on."

"Hey, Pen, you don't have to do this." Heath told me.

"Are you afraid of a little girl?" I taunted.

He laughed lightly, rubbing the palm of his hand, "I did just get a decent beating from said little girl."

"Do it for me." I smiled at him. "I can handle pain."

In the next second, I was hit across the cheekbone. Looking up at Lewis, he had a frown on his face. They weren't going to be playing around. Getting to my feet, the three of them were circling me, all of them looking suspicious of every move I made. Feeling anger start to fill my system, I took slow steady breaths. A fist launched at my face, quickly blocking it as a kick hit my ribs. Spinning, I blocked another kick as a fist flew toward me. Ducking, I leapt over the leg of another, gripping a wrist, backhanding its owner, before kicked the chest of the next. An elbow hit the center of my back, making me fall to one knee. Crossing my arms, I blocked a kick, the force of it putting me back onto my fit. Spinning my torso, I avoided two more punches before I was once again on my floor. From my hands and knees, I took in the three of them. For a moment I shut my eyes, taking a slow deep breath, listening to their every movement.

Then my eyes shot open and I was on my feet. Lunging toward the nearest one, I punched him hard across the jaw, my elbow flying back into the face of the other. I slammed my hands against the ears of the third, kicking them to their back as they fell to their knees with a yell. Ducking under an arm, giving him a well-placed kidney shot, spinning him, allowing him to take the blow from another, shoving him forward. Then I was met with a fist in my gut, momentarily leaving the ground, the air being forced from my lungs. Slamming my hands at the crook of his arm, it fell away from me. I slammed my head into his, punching him as hard as I could across his cheek, satisfied as he fell to the floor unconscious.

"Then there were two." I smirked at the others.

They looked at each other and then there was a flurry of activity. Hits were being made against all three of us. All of us being forced to our knees at some point. I felt my cheek break open, my lip bleeding freely, my fractured rib making each breath hurt after being hit several times. But after several minutes, I was the only one left standing. There was more than one moment where I thought I was going to lose. But then I'd think of everything we'd been through with them just watching us. I'd think about those who had died and all my energy felt renewed. It gave me enough motivation to not back down and to not let them get the upper hand. And I had once again persevered. Just like I had with everything else in my life.

"Jesus." Heath said from the floor.

"Was it everything you had expected it to be?" I smiled as I once again offered him my hand.

He took it, only instead of getting to his feet; he yanked me down to the ground next to him. Laughing, I looked at him, a smile on his face. He reminded me of Eric. A less attractive, slightly smaller version of Eric. Though these men all kind of looked the same. They all were bulky with closely shaved heads, the same uniforms, and the same responses to pretty much everything. Other than voice, hair color, and skin tone, they all seemed the same to me.

"You're not so bad." He told me.

Furrowing my brows, I met his eyes, "What were you expecting?"

"I was told you were a bit unstable." He replied, not bothering to try and be kind about it.

"I am a bit unstable." I replied with a sigh. "If you've been watching then you can't blame any of us for being a bit unstable."

"No. We can't." He replied sadly.

"I've lost too many people that I care about. Then we get here and it's nothing like we had been expecting."

"I know."

Helping him and the others, we went to the hospital. I went to find Doc, who lectured me on fighting, telling me to knock it off if I didn't want to be tied to a bed until my ribs healed. I told her I'd be good. I already knew what could happen if my ribs were broken and pushed the wrong direction. An experience I never wanted to experience again.

Afterward, I grabbed clean clothes and showered, feeling rejuvenated as I made my way back to our makeshift dormitory. I hadn't expected the day's events but I was actually having a really good day. It was mostly over, but I had a feeling that I might actually sleep well tonight.

"There you are." I smiled at Ainsley as she fell in step next to me. "You left without saying anything."

"Sorry." She smiled. "I don't like fighting."

Nodding, I gently nudged her, "It's nothing to be sorry about."

"I was just going to see you tomorrow but I wanted to be sure you had the pictures." She said handing me the folder. "You'd put them down but I didn't want them forgotten."

"Thank you." I smiled at her. "And I'd never forget them. They've officially become my most prized possessions."

A small blush rose in her cheeks, "And here." She said handing me a small box.

"What is it?"

"Another gift."

Sighing, I nudged her again, "Enough with the gifts."

"It'll probably be the last."

Opening it, there was a camera nestled inside of it. Stopping, I gripped her wrist. "Ainsley."

"You deserve more than what you've been given. This way, I'm hoping you can capture all the happy moments to look back on when something bad happens."

"Thank you." I told her airily. Then I was pulling her to the side of the hall. "Show me how it works."

Showing me how to turn it on and off, she showed me how the zoom worked, how to help it focus while taking the picture. Trying it out on Ainsley, it was way easier than I had thought it would be. We didn't have anything like this back home. Looking at the pictures we'd just taken, there was a really nice one of the pair of us.

"Eric is going to hate me after this." I grinned at her. "I wish Claude and Hen –" I started but stopped. Sighing, I smiled at her, "I wish he were here. It would have been nice to have a picture of him."

"You can do more justice to him with your own hands. You don't need a camera. I just thought it would be nice for you and everyone else. When all this is over you'll be able to have pictures to remember your journey by."

Nodding, I met her eyes, "Thank you, Ainsley. I don't deserve as good an ally as you."

She laughed lightly and smirked at me, "I'd like to consider myself your friend."

Laughing, I nodded again, "Yeah. You're my friend."

"Good." She smiled.

Going back to the dormitory, I opened the door, a grin breaking across my face when I saw someone sitting on Eric's bed. Only then I realized that it wasn't the love of my life. My heart started to race as I slowly stepped forward.

"Georgie." I said softly.

"Tori was the only one who called me that." He replied.

I slowly sat next to him. "I can stop if you want me to."

"No." He said quickly. "It's not that. It's just…weird."

"I cannot begin to express how sorry I am about Tori. She was my family. She took care of me for the past five years. She was…she was everything to me. I loved her very much."

"She wasn't the only one you lost." He stated.

"No." I said shaking my head. "Henry. He was a brother to me and he died to save my life. I refused to leave Tori's side and they had surrounded me. I would have died right there with her if it weren't for Henry. I lost both of them just minutes apart."

"How are you handling the pain?" He asked.

Laughing, I didn't realize I was going to until it was happening. "I'm not." I told him. "I'm not handling the pain. I've just learned to live with it since this whole thing started."

"That can't be true." He frowned at me.

Looking at him, I thought a long moment, "In a way it is." I replied softly. "I have grieved for those I've lost but they will always be with me. The pain will always be there. But there are reasons to be happy. I have Eric. Who I love more than anything. I have Four and Tris. I have made friends along the way and I cherish those friendships. But there are still enemies out there and this whole thing could come crashing down at any moment. Happiness is a luxury we cannot afford."

"Then what are you holding?" He asked.

Gripping the folder of photos and the camera, I couldn't help but smile, "I'm holding onto happiness." I told him.

He nodded, "Fighting against what is and what you want."

Sighing, I nodded, "Yeah. I used to be strong and someone no one messed with. Things have definitely changed."

"No they haven't." Ainsley cut in, making us both look up at her. "I stuck around the workout room long enough to see what you were capable of. You held your own against three of our soldiers. You shouldn't be messed with. Love and compassion and family shouldn't make you feel weak."

"In Dauntless weakness gets you killed. In war weakness gets you killed. I'm not ready to die." I told her.

"No one's dying." Amar's voice said from the door. "Things are getting a little morbid in here. I know none of you fully understand what this place is all about. And other than a plane ride, you haven't seen what we do for fun." He paused, putting a stereo on a bed. "So let's have some fun."

Hitting a button, music started to flow out of it. It was very much like the music from Dauntless. Which made sense since both of them were former Dauntless. It was loud and fast and made every bone in my body want to move with it. It brought me back to the Pit and the endless nights spent drinking and dancing and laughing and just like they had said, having fun.

George stood and held his hand out to me, "You know you want to."

Grinning, I took his hand, letting him yank me to my feet. Despite the pain of what we were just talking about, we were both smiling as we moved to the music. Soon the entire room was on their feet, dancing with everyone as people spun from partner to partner. Even Hazel and Caleb were moving to the music, their bodies locked together. It made me want Eric. But he wasn't here and it was hard to be too lonely for him when I was surrounded by friends. Finding myself grinding with Tris, both of us laughing as the music kept playing; Ainsley appeared with the camera she'd given me. Taking several candid shots, she called for me and Tris to look at her. Smiling, the picture was taken before we could even think about what was happening.

We had the same thought as we looked at each other, thinking of our parents and what this place was. But it only deterred us for a moment, still enjoying the music and the happy moment that this was. They were going to be few and far between and we had to acknowledge them when they happened. And thanks to Ainsley we'd have something to remember them by.

"I like that one." Tris told me as we lay in mine and Eric's cots, looking through all the pictures.

"You're very photogenic." I smiled at her, looking at the picture of her with her arms outstretched and her head resting back on her shoulders. "You look so free."

"An illusion." She smiled.

Laughing lightly, I nodded, flipping to the next one. "Jesus." I said frowning at it.

"What?" Tris asked. "It's a good one."

It was of me and George, my hand in his, my other on his shoulder with his other against my side. Both of us were smiling and enjoying ourselves. It really was a good picture, if it were for my split and discolored skin. A memory of what this war was costing us.

"I look like crap." I told her.

"You're Dauntless. It's expected."

"I thought we weren't Dauntless anymore?" I frowned at her. "That's what you told me."

"I lied." She told me. "We are who we are. Now that our Divergence has been proven to be nothing, I guess we've really been Dauntless all along."

Despite the good day I'd had, Eric and Four hadn't returned yet when the room was going quiet. I wanted to wait up for him, and Tris for Four, but the longer it took the more tired we became. With Tris next to me, I managed to fall asleep, but without Eric, my mind didn't shut off enough for me to sleep soundly.

 _Laying in Eric's arms, happiness radiated off of both of us. We were back home in our room. The room where we'd fallen in love. We'd never been happier than when we were in that room. Well, there had been many moments since then, but before the attack we had thought the moment would last a lot longer than one night._

 _Only Eric had known about the attack. So many things had happened between then and now and yet happiness would always be found when I was wrapped in his arms. We'd both done so many right and wrong things in this fight, and yet we still had each other. I wasn't even sure how that was possible. In truth? It wasn't._

 _Screaming erupted from outside of the room, making us both get up. Moving toward it, we opened the door to find ourselves in the compound outside the city. Running, we searched for our family. Bodies were already lining the halls, making us run faster. Rounding a corner, we were met with a slew of guards. Fighting, we were both taken down, my world going black as I hit from behind._

 _Opening my eyes, I was strapped to a table back in Erudite. The same chair that I had been injected with serum, over and over and over again. The same room where Jeanine sat and watched me for hours and hours._

" _Penelope." Her voice rang from the corner of the room._

 _Slowly bringing my eyes toward her voice, there the bitch was, standing there as if nothing had ever happened. "Jeanine."_

" _Are you ready to get back to work?"_

" _What are you talking about?"_

" _The last simulation lasted a good long while. We had to knock you out just to bring you out of it. But we learned so much."_

" _What are you talking about?" I shot at her again._

" _You thought you got out of here. You thought there was more out there than our city. But you're wrong."_

" _No!" I yelled, struggling against the restraints on my wrists and ankles._

" _Oh, Penelope." She smirked at me. "All hope is gone."_

 _Then the door burst open and Eric appeared, "I don't think so." He told her before shooting her in the head._

" _Eric!" I yelled, beaming at him._

 _He rushed forward, unhooking me, "It's okay, baby. I've got you."_

 _As soon as I was free, I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. "I love you."_

" _I love you, baby. Now let's go."_

 _Rushing out of the room, we were running through Erudite headquarters. The light from the street started to flood the lobby as we ran toward them. Outside the doors, all of our friends and family were there, old and new._

 _We were nearly there, Four smiling at me like he always did when we hadn't seen each other for a while. Even Tris was smiling, bouncing on her feet with anticipation. My family. God I loved my family. Gripping Eric's hand tightly, I ran as fast as I could, only in the next second a gunshot rang and I was pulled backward, slamming to the ground on my side. Looking up, Eric was lying on his stomach, still gripping my hand. Blood was spreading out across his entire back._

" _Eric!" I screamed, rushing to his side._

 _Covering the wound with my hand, his blood was flowing over my fingers. Out of the corner of my eye I see something start to move across the floor. Looking down, there was a trail of blood moving away from him, looking at his face, the blood was coming from his mouth. His eyes were partially closed and he wasn't moving._

 _Rolling him over, I put my fingers against his neck, feeling nothing pulsing against them. Breathing into him, I compressed his chest, giving him two more breaths before repeating the process over and over again. I tasted his blood, the crimson liquid pooling in his mouth. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I felt his blood smearing across my skin, tasting it on my mouth._

" _Penelope."_

 _Looking up David was standing there, a kind smile on his face._

" _We're here to help you."_

" _No you're not." I frowned at him._

 _My hand had been on Eric's chest only now I fell forward, my hand landing in his blood as his body disappeared. Shaking, I looked around, "Eric!"_

" _Something's gonna happen." I heard his voice tell me._

 _Spinning, I saw him standing between me and the doors. "Eric."_

" _Something always happens, Pen." He told me sadly._

" _Eric, please." I said rushing to him, taking his head in my hands. "Please don't leave me."_

" _I will never leave you." He frowned at him._

" _I need you, Eric. More than anything."_

 _Staring at me, tears filled his eyes, blood still covering him. He gently took my face in his hands, kissing me slow and deep. "And I need you. I love you more than anything. I don't think I can express how much I love you."_

" _Then don't leave me." I cried._

" _Come with me." He told me with a melting half smile._

 _Suddenly there was a gun in my hand. Feeling the weight of it without breaking eye contact with him. In the next moment he was falling to the ground. Falling with him, landing on his chest, I stared into his lifeless eyes. Screaming as loud as possible, I put the gun to my head, squeezing the trigger…_

"Pen. Pen, it's okay."

Flying up, I jerked away from the touch on my shoulder. Tris was looking at me with a worried expression. "I'm fine."

She gently brushed the hair out of my eyes, clinging to the sweat that was dripping down my face and neck. "No, you're not."

"She okay?" Hazel's voice drifted over to us.

"She's fine." Tris shot across the room.

Then Christina's voice. "Tris?"

"Go back to sleep. Everything is okay." Tris replied kindly.

Sitting there, sweat was still dripping down my skin. Why did he always have to die? I had never had so many nightmares in my life and I always had them when he wasn't around. Running my fingers through my hair, I brought my knees up against my chest, wrapping my arm around them. Putting the elbow on the other on top of them, I rested my forehead against my palm. Starting to gently rock myself, I felt Tris shift closer to me, her hand running down my hair.

"Lay back down. Try and get some more sleep."

"I can't." I said shaking my head. "I'll wait for Eric to get back."

"Pen." She said sadly, still running her hand down my hair.

Feeling tears brimming, I tried to hold them back but they fell anyway. "He always dies, Tris. Every time."

"In your nightmares?" She replied softly.

I nodded, taking a shuddering breath. "I can't take it anymore."

"How often?" She asked.

"Not very." I replied. "Only when he's gone and things are happening."

"He'll be back soon." She told me matter-of-factly. "Tobias as well."

Staring at the door, I tried to will them to come through it. "Where are they, Tris?"

"I don't know." She replied softly.

Laying back down to make Tris happy, I stared at the door, waiting for her to fall back asleep. As soon as her deep breathing started, I sat up, crossing my legs as I faced the door. My eyes felt heavy and I was exhausted, but I didn't want to shut my eyes again until he was back.

When I finally heard steps, I sat there, wrapping my arms around my knees as I continued to stare at the door. Rocking, I waited for the door to open. It seemed to take an enormous amount of time before it finally did. Even in the dark, I knew it was him and Four. They slowly walked forward, talking in low voices. They stopped and faced each other, still talking. They were talking too low for me to be able to understand what they were saying, but their tone sounded serious.

When Four turned toward his bed, realizing Tris wasn't there, they both turned toward me, both seeing me sitting there. Four stepped up to Eric's cot, looking down at a sleeping Tris.

"Hey, Opie." He said putting his hand on the back of my head, pressing a kiss against my forehead.

"Hey." I smiled, putting my hand against his neck. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He nodded, pressing another kiss before gently lifting Tris into his arms, carrying her to her own cot.

Eric took off his jacket, and then his shirt, changing into a pair of sweats. Laying down, he put his hand against my back. "You okay?"

Sighing, I rolled, putting my knee next to his side as I laid on top of him. Gently running my fingers through his hair, I avoided his eyes. "I had a nightmare." I told him.

"The usual?" He asked.

Nodding, I couldn't help the tears that brimmed. "They're always the same." I told him sadly.

"I'm here, baby." He said gently playing with my hair. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"You don't know that." I told him.

"No." He replied gently. "But you know I would never risk myself."

"I do know that." I told him. "Are you gonna tell me where you two were?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I am. But we'll talk about it in the morning. You need to get some sleep."

Leaning down, I kissed him softly. His hand moved to the back of my head and he deepened the kiss, keeping it slow, letting the feeling wash over me. "I love you."

"I love you." He replied.

"Can I stay right here?" I asked as I trailed my fingers back and forth across his chest.

He smiled and kissed me again. "I wouldn't want you anywhere else."

Kissing him once more, I rested my head against his chest, resting my arms against his sides, gently moving my thumbs back and forth against his skin. His heartbeat was loud in my ear, the sound of air moving in and out of his lungs. My nightmare surfaced for just a moment before the feeling of his fingers moving up and down my back relaxed me, letting me find sleep.


	16. Frustrations

**Chapter Sixteen: Frustrations**

Waking to a quiet room, I was still happily on top of Eric. His heartbeat and breathing still the loudest thing in my ear. Sighing, I smiled, once again running my thumbs along his sides. Slowly sitting up, straddling him, I gently laid myself across my own bed, finding the camera on the floor. Returning to straddling him, I turned it on and took his picture. Actually I took several pictures, moving off of him so I could take more at different angles. He was such a beautiful man. Sitting cross-legged on my cot, I went through the pictures.

Grinning, I felt his hand on my knee, "Morning, baby."

"You made me cold." He complained.

Laughing, I moved over him, lying on top of him again. "So sorry, baby."

He smiled, brushing my hair over my shoulders, "You sound better this morning."

"I feel better this morning." I smiled back, leaning down and kissing him passionately. "I'm always better when you're here."

"You're too attached to me." He teased.

"I know." I replied and rolled off of him again.

Making sure the room was empty; I took off my tank and sweats, reaching for normal clothes. Putting on a pair of dark jeans, I was about to put a lacey black bra on when my wrist was grabbed. Smiling up at Eric, he wasn't looking at my face. His eyes were on my breasts, cupping one, his thumb running along the top of it. Slipping my fingers into the top of his pants, I pulled him closer to me.

"I'm sick of sharing a room." He told me softly, putting his forehead against mine, still staring at my boobs.

"Me too." I replied, sliding my hand lower, feeling his hair, my fingers sliding against his penis.

Then the door opened and I swiftly took my hand back, hiding in front of him as I put my bra on, reaching for the dark green shirt that was on my pile of things. He sighed, slipping his hand into mine. Smiling up at him, I slid my arm around his neck, kissing him deeply.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." Ainsley said from the door.

"Is it just me or is she stalking you?" Eric said softly, raising a brow.

"She's a good person." I told him. "It's fine." I smiled at her, moving around Eric.

"I've been around too much, haven't I?" She smiled.

"Again, it's okay." I told her.

Seeing her swiftly avert her eyes, I turned around to see Eric changing. He was only in his boxer-briefs, nothing I was going to get too alarmed about. And she obviously had never seen a mostly naked man before since her cheeks looked like they were going to start on fire.

"We were just looking for one moment alone." He told her as he stepped next to me. "Something that appears to be impossible here."

"Sorry." She told him with a small voice.

"Is there anywhere here where two people can go and not be disturbed?" He frowned.

Taking his hand, I rubbed his arm, "Eric, it's okay."

"No, it's not." He frowned. "Even before we at least had a room where we could be together. We come out here and are being watched so closely I'm surprised they don't watch us piss and shit."

"Hey, that's enough, baby. She's on our side." I told him.

"Yeah, whatever." He said letting my hand go and moved toward the door. "I'm going to get some breakfast. Are you coming or are you going to stay here with your little pet?"

Sighing, I saw the hurt on her face. Meeting his eyes, I smiled, "I'll catch up in just a couple minutes."

"Pen." He said firmly.

"Two minutes, babe. That's all I'm asking for."

"Fine." He said and left.

Hearing his steps fade, I sighed again, "I'm sorry about that."

"He's right." She said without meeting my eyes. "You guys shouldn't be doing anything in here either. Every room has a camera."

"Even the bathrooms?"

"Not the stalls." She replied.

Scoffing, I nodded, "I'm sure you can imagine how frustrating that is. Especially after knowing that you've been watching us our entire lives on the inside as well."

"I can. But it's not me. I was just coming to see if you wanted breakfast before they stopped serving it."

"I know it's not you. And I better catch up with Eric." I told her. "I appreciate everything you've done. I really, really do. But I'll stand by Eric in everything. Even when he's being an ass."

"Like right now?" She frowned at me.

"Exactly like right now." I smiled and nodded. "I'll see you later, okay?"

She nodded, "I'm not stalking you."

"I know." I replied. "But you have been right around every corner."

"Again, sorry." She stated only now sounded annoyed. "I just wanted to be your friend."

"And that sounds a little creepy. Especially with how much you say you've watched me. I don't want to sound paranoid, but those are the facts." I told her as gently as possible. "You have become a friend. I just don't have time for a clingy one."

"I get it." She said and turned to leave.

"Ainsley." I said following her from the room. "I'm not saying this to hurt you. But things aren't settled yet. We just got here. There's still a lot of adjusting that needs to be done."

"I know." She replied without looking at me. "And I get it, Pen. I'll take a step back."

"I'm not saying that either. I just…I don't know what I'm trying to say." I told her as I thought a moment. "I just don't want to be anyone's hero. I'm not a hero. I'm not something to be admired."

"Liar." She smirked.

"See, that's what I'm talking about. You don't know me well enough to call me a liar."

"I've been –"

"Don't finish that. That's also what I'm talking about. It's creepy being watched and you've done a lot of it. Just be normal. Don't talk about what you've seen or pretend to know us because you don't know us. Not really. That's…what I'm trying to say…sort of…"

"Okay." She told me, veering off from the opposite direction of the cafeteria.

Sighing, I skipped into a jog, seeing Eric ahead of me. Running faster, I launched myself onto his back, leaning my head over his shoulder and gently bit his earlobe. I knew he was annoyed with the situation but I still got a laugh out of him.

Walking into the cafeteria, he bounced me higher on his back before making our way toward Four and Tris. He stepped over the bench, my feet finding the floor as he sat down. Sitting sideways next to me, I grabbed a muffin, eating it as I trailed my nails up and down his back. He looked at me, kissing me quickly.

"So, what did you say to Ainsley?" He asked me.

"I basically shot her down and told her she was being creepy." I replied.

He nodded, "Good."

"Eric, she's a good person. She's not used to us just as much as we're not used to them."

"She thinks she knows you because she's been watching you for years." He frowned at me. "She doesn't know you, Pen."

"I know. I told her that." I said picking at another muffin. "And I get what you're saying, but you don't have to act like such an ass about it." I added with annoyance, tossing a piece of muffin at him.

"I am an ass." He retorted, painfully gripping my hip and pulling me closer to him.

Sighing, I hugged his arm to my chest, "Eric."

"You know I am." He told me with a raised brow.

"I do." I replied kissing his arm.

Then he was smirking at me, "And you know you can be a stubborn bitch."

Smiling, I nodded, "I can." He pressed a kiss against my forehead. "But more often than not I'm a pretty sweet girl who is easy to get along with."

"Tell that to the soldiers you beat." Peter said sitting across from us.

"What?" Eric frowned at me.

Shrugging a shoulder, I leaned away from him. "They have a nice training room. A few of the soldiers wanted to go at it so…we went at it."

"You make it sound sexual." Eric frowned at me.

"It wasn't." I told him.

"We need another dance night like last night." Hazel said sitting next to Peter with Caleb. "It was the first time we've had any fun together since before."

"You and George seemed to hit it off." Caleb commented.

I watched as every one of Eric's muscles tensed. "Baby, nothing happened. You know that."

"I leave for a few hours and you're changing your friends and dancing with other guys." He told me with annoyance.

"Don't be jealous." I told him sternly. "And please do not make a scene." His jaw clenched and he stood and walked away from me. Looking at the others, I sighed, "Thanks, guys."

Then there was a beeping over the intercom, telling us that there is to be an attack drill. It's a crisp, female voice, instructing us to lock the door to whatever room we are in from the inside, cover the windows, and sit quietly until the alarms stop.

"It will take place at the top of the hour." She told us.

Looking around, I stood and jogged from the room. Rushing down the halls, I finally saw Eric, slowly walking down the hall. Rushing after him, he heard, turning his head, his brow lifting as he looked at me. Watching his shoulders move as he sighed, he stopped and turned toward me, opening his arms as I didn't slow, throwing myself into them.

"You're not allowed to rush off from me like that." I told him.

He let me go, starting to walk again, but my hand was now firmly in his. Walking to the atrium, he sat on a bench. Doing the same, bending my knee flush against his, I looked at him, running my hand across his hair. He sighed again, his brows furrowed. Leaning forward, I kissed his temple, pressing my forehead against it as I gently gripped the back of his neck.

"You know nothing happened." I stated softly.

He nodded, "I do."

"Then what's with the jealousy? You haven't acted that jealous for a while." He looked at me with a raised brow. Smiling, I leaned around him, kissing him slowly, my tongue trailing across his bottom lip. "Are you sexually frustrated, my love?" I grinned at him.

"It's not funny." He told me.

"Oh my god." I said still smiling at him. "You are." Then I was laughing.

"No." He frowned.

Straddling his lap, I kissed him deeply. "The drill is going to start any second." I told him, swiftly followed by the sound of alarms. They were loud and obnoxious, but they didn't faze me. Putting my lips next to his ear, I whispered, "Lock the door."

He practically threw me off of him, running to the door and slamming it shut, locking it securely. Then he pulled the curtains on the several windows. All the while I was taking my clothes off. When he finally turned around, I was already naked before him. He tore the clothes from his body as he rushed back toward me, tripping over his pants and literally getting stuck in his underwear. Laughing, by the time he made it to me he was still on his knees. His hands found my sides, his lips against my stomach. He pulled me down to my knees, ravaging my mouth like never before. Freeing him from the clothes around his ankles, I gripped his neck, pulling him with me as I laid back, the tile cool against my skin, and I was loving it.

Moving over me, the heat of his body making the tile almost sting against my back. Wrapping my arms around him, he put his arm underneath me, lifting me against his chest. Arching against him, I whispered his name, his lips meeting mine before he thrust up inside of me. Moaning with pleasure, I dug my nails into his shoulder blades, gently biting his shoulder before kissing his neck. Rocking against me vigorously, my head was already swimming.

A large part of our relationship had been based on sex. I knew that, but our relationship had grown so much more than just sex. We'd give our lives for each other. We'd do anything for each other. That was something I never saw coming. Something I never thought possible. Now it wasn't just sex or even love making. It was a connection that I couldn't even begin to explain. It went deeper than anything I've ever felt before. Deeper than an addiction. Deeper than a need or a want. Deeper than anything even humanly describable.

"Pen." He whispered after we'd both climaxed.

"I know." I breathed as I kissed him.

He furrowed his brows at me, "Do you?"

"If you're gonna say anything that I'm thinking than yeah. I do."

He smiled, "You're everything."

Slowly pressing my lips to his, I ran my fingers through his hair, my nails of the other trailing up and down his back. "You're more."

"I love you." He told me kissing me deeply.

"I love you, Eric." I told him. "You're everything and more to me."

Then the alarms stopped. Staring at each other, he smiled sweetly, "Times up."

Sighing sadly as he moved off of me, I watched him as he started to get dressed. "I think it's my turn to be frustrated.

"Why?" He asked me with a smile.

Sitting up, my eyes traced the lines of his body, "Because I'm not done with you yet." He grinned and shook his head. "Not even remotely." I added as I watched his muscles move. "I will hate you if you put that shirt on." I told him unblinkingly.

He pulled it over his head, making me sigh. Getting up, I started to put my clothes back on. I thought I had been perfectly content but now that I couldn't spend as much time as I wanted with him alone, I suddenly felt a wave of depression.

"Baby?" I said softly as I pulled on my shirt.

"Yeah?" He said turning back toward me.

I didn't know what I wanted to say to him. What was there to say? It didn't matter. This was one small moment that would have to last us until who knew when. I didn't think I cared. It wasn't just about the sex. But I found that I missed it. He got what he wanted and seemed better for it. Typical male.

"Nothing." I finally told him.

"Pen?" He asked with furrowed brows.

Stepping up to him, I ran my hands up and down his chest, "It's nothing, Eric. I just missed this a little more than I thought I did."

He wrapped his arms around me, his hands sliding under my shirt, his calloused hands warm against my skin. Leaning into him, he kissed me slowly, one hand moving to my face, his touch gentle.

"I miss the small moments together." I told him. "I miss our own room. I miss…"

"I miss everything too." He smiled softly.

"Do you think we'll ever get it back?"

He sighed and looked at my hands as he took them in his. "I don't know. I hope so." Wrapping my arms around his neck, I buried my face into it. He did the same, one arm around my waist as the other slid up my back to my neck. "I love you, Pen. Everything will work out."

"You don't know that." I replied softly.

"I know. But together we can figure it out."

Sighing, I ran both my hands across his hair, pressing my lips against his shoulder, trailing them to his neck. "I love you too."

Unlocking the door, we slowly made our way back to the dormitory. We didn't pass any of our people. The others milled around like nothing had happened, like there was nothing to fear and no threat of attack. But there was something turning inside of me that told me we weren't safe. Safety was an illusion. A luxury that none of us could afford.

Gripping Eric's hand tighter, he pressed a kiss into my hair, playfully biting my neck just as we reached the door. Laughing, we let ourselves in, seeing Four talking with Tris. There was still tension in the air between them. Sighing, I turned myself against Eric's side, happy that we weren't at odds with each other. We had our moments, but at the end of the day, we were far happier than a lot of us around here. Though it would appear that something was budding between Christina and Uriah, and after what happened to Will, I couldn't be happier for her.

"What's going on?" I asked Four and Tris.

"Nothing." Tris replied quickly. "I'm just reading my mom's files."

Four scoffed, getting a look from me. "Nothing." He replied.

"Guys." I frowned at them.

There was a long moment of silence before Four broke it, "Can I kiss you?" He asked Tris.

"Yes." She replied.

I can hear the relief in her voice. Finally feeling a little relief myself. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him bend down, touching her cheek before kissing her softly. I liked a soft kiss every now and again, but my god man, kiss the girl. They needed to work on their intimacy. Smirking to myself I looked up at Eric, seeing him averting his eyes. Though the smile on Tris's face just made me want to beam at them.

"I didn't think about Marcus. I should have." Tris told Four softly, her smile gone.

He just shrugged, "It's over now."

My smile disappeared as I looked between them, "What happened to Marcus?"

Four sighed and looked at me, "He was put on trial."

"Did they kill him?" Eric asked quickly.

He shook his head, "No. She's sending him out here. Never to return to the city again."

"What?" I frowned with shock. "But…we just…there are reasons we left him behind."

He smiled, putting his hand on my arms, gently rubbing them. "It's okay, Pen."

"Tobias." Eric frowned at him.

"Eric." He replied. "It's over. Done. I'm okay."

Sighing, I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my head against his chest. "I'm sorry."

"About anything specific?" He asked, making light of it.

"About all of it." I replied looking up at him. "You jerk."

He laughed, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "Yeah, but you're stuck with me."

Smiling, I gently gripped his chin, "And I'm proud of that."

He pulled out of my grip, gently shoving me into Eric's chest, who swiftly wrapped his arms around me, pressing his face into my neck. Then he looked at Tris, "More journal entries?"

"Yes." She replied. "Just some memories of the compound so far. But it's getting interesting."

"Good." He told her. "I'll leave you with it." He smiled and stepped away.

"Wait a minute." I told him, gripping his wrist. Rushing to my cot, I grabbed my new camera, turning it on as I walked back to them. "Tris, stand up."

"Pen." She frowned.

"Stand. Up." I commanded.

She did, rolling her eyes but was smirking at me. Pointing at Four, she stepped up to him. They wrapped an arm around each other, looking at me awkwardly.

"Smile." I told them. "Look like you actually like each other." I quickly snapped a photo as they smiled at each other, taking another when they looked at me. "Eric." I told him as I pulled Tris away.

"Opie, seriously." Four frowned.

"For me. Please." I pouted.

They both sighed, but Eric put his arm across Four's shoulders. They smiled and I took the picture, very pleased.

"One more." I told them.

Turning it, I moved in front of Eric, pulling Tris in front of Four. We all moved closer together, smiling. Looking at it, I couldn't help but beam at it. Showing the others, Tris smiled, Four scoffed, and Eric kissed me. Tris took the camera from me, not that I cared; my lips were still against Eric's, everything else falling away. Finally stopping, I ran both my hands across his hair, my forehead pressed against his as his hand slid up my back to my neck, the hand of the other against my face.

"You two are disgusting." Four's voice interrupted.

Quickly letting Eric go, I shoved Four, smirking at him with furrowed brows. "And you two should be."

"Stand together." Tris told us.

Obeying, yet another picture was taken before Four had had enough, snatching the camera from Tris's hands.

"Tobias." I said worriedly. "Please don't be mean to it."

"I'm not." He told me softly, turning it off. "Just enough for now."

He handed it back to me, making me quickly take it, holding it against me as if it were the most fragile thing in the world. Then he moved toward the door. "Where are you going?"

"For a walk." He replied.

"I'll go with." Eric told him.

"Baby." I frowned, getting a raised brow from him. "You still haven't told me about –"

I didn't get a chance to finish my sentence before his lips were against mine, then he moved them to my ear, whispering, "Later. I promise."

Sighing, I nodded, running my hand down his arm, gently gripping his fingers as he walked away from me. Turning the camera back on, I looked through the pictures as I moved to my cot. Sitting down, Tris dropped next to me, looking through them with me.

"I want one." She told me with slight awe.

Nodding, guilt filled me. "Ainsley gave me it and I completely dismissed her earlier today. I should be more grateful."

"She'll be okay." She told me matter-of-factly.

"I know." I replied. "I just feel bad since we wouldn't have these memories without her."

"Don't worry so much, Pen. She'll be okay. I'm just hoping we don't need to use them to remember any of us by. I'm still hoping we're all going to get out of this alive."

Looking at her, she spoke with such nonchalance that I was instantly anxious. "We will, Tris." I told her gently. "We will."

She picked up her tablet again, starting to read while I took out my sketchbook and started to work on a few sketches that I'd already started. It was quiet and yet nice. Especially when there had been a time when we could hardly stand being in the same room for more than a few minutes, let alone it being just the two of us.

Pausing, I watched Tris attempting to turn the page on the tablet. It was obviously the end of the files. When she finally decided that nothing was going to happen, she put it down, looking almost frantic.

"You okay?" I asked her.

"I need to know more." She told me.

Nodding, I put down my sketchbook, "What are you thinking?"

"How can you not want to read your parents files? Even if they're still alive, why don't you want to know more? I mean, they kept in touch a lot longer than my mom did. There are far more recent files and it's like you don't care."

"I care, Tris." I told her softly. "But I'm not in a good place with my parents right now. Eric has read them and that's enough for me. At least for right now."

"Can I read them?" She blurted out.

"What?" I frowned at her.

"Sorry." She said but I knew she didn't mean it. "I just want to know more about – well – everything."

"I get that. But I don't think I'm ready for anyone else to see them. I haven't even let Hazel look."

"Why not?"

"Because she doesn't deserve it."

She sighed and nodded, "I know."

"Are you going to let Caleb?"

"Eventually."

There was another long moment of silence before she stood up.

"Where are we going?" I asked doing the same.

"We?" She frowned.

"What? Our men enjoy each other's company. Is it so wrong to try and do the same?"

She smiled at me, "No."

"Okay then."

Leaving the room, we ran into Zoe, following her to the control room. We stood there as she talked to the manager about a meeting with David. Tris was staring, avoiding looking at the monitors. I on the other hand couldn't keep my eyes off of them. My eyes searching for anyone I recognized.

Feeling my stomach turn, I stepped toward the screen that's hanging over the desks. Evelyn is sitting on her bed, running her hands over something on her bedside table. Moving closer, Tris is suddenly at my side, both of us staring at her.

"This is the Evelyn cam. We track her 24-7." The woman at the desk in front of us spoke.

"Can you hear her?" Tris asked.

"Only if we turn the volume up." She replied. "We mostly keep the sound off, though. Hard to listen to that much chatter all day."

Tris nodded, "What is that she's touching?"

"Some kind of sculpture, I don't know." She shrugged. "She stares at it a lot, though."

"It's Tobias's." I told her and turned away. I didn't want to dwell on Evelyn. Moving through the room, I didn't stop until I saw Amity. "Can you see all of Amity?" I asked the man sitting in front of me.

He looked over his shoulder at me, "I can."

"Can you find someone for me?"

He just smiled and hit a few buttons, enlarging a screen, and then looked back at me again. My nose stung with sudden emotion as I took in my parents. They were standing in the orchard, my father's hand against my mother's face; both were smiling at each other. I was lucky. My parents loved each other and despite where they'd come from or what had happened since. It was nice to see them again. Even if it was just on a screen.

"So you know who I am." I stated, swallowing my emotion.

"I do." He replied with a nod. "I'm Kyle."

"Pen." I smiled, holding out my hand.

"Pleasure." He smiled.

"Do you watch Amity often?" I asked.

He gave a small laugh, "In other words, what do I know about your parents?"

"You would so be a Candor." I told him with a raised brow.

He laughed and nodded, "That's not the first time I've heard that."

"So, Kyle, what do you know?"

He immediately turned all business, "They have been working closely with Johanna. They spend a lot of time in meetings with her and the Allegiant."

Sitting down, I scooted closer to him, staring at the screen, "Go on."

"They have been loyal to their faction so far, not giving anything away to anyone else." He told me leaning back in his chair, minimizing how much of me was in his bubble. "Though your father does a lot of secret meetings with Johanna and Marcus. He's become, more or less, Johanna's right hand man. He's gained a lot of respect and power within Amity and the Allegiant."

Nodding, I sighed, "Do you listen to them?"

"We did for a while but a lot of it has remained the same." He replied.

"They're planning on taking over their storehouses, arming themselves and overthrowing Evelyn and the loyal factionless."

We both looked up to see a raven haired girl. She was tall and lanky; her hair falling to the center of her back, reminding me of Claude, and her hazel eyes almost looked purple. Her skin was darker than ours with large, slightly slanted eyes. She was beautiful. And was also looking at me with a possessive glare as her hand found Kyle's shoulder.

"Hey, hon." He smiled up at her.

"Hey." She smiled.

"Tessa, this is Pen. Pen, this is my girlfriend Tessa."

She smiled at me, offering her hand, "Hi."

"Hi." I grinned at her. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

She sat on my other side, scooting closer to me, "What has he told you so far?"

"Not a lot." I replied.

"I know more than he does." She smirked at him, getting an eye roll from him. "I've been assigned to Amity for years now. Kyle has only been assigned for the past few months."

"That doesn't mean you know more." He retorted with a smile.

"Shut up." She said gently smacking him. "Anyway, what do you want to know?"

"Were any of you watching when we met with Johanna and Cara right before we came out here?" I asked.

She smiled at me sadly, "I was here that night."

"Were you the only one who saw?" I asked, getting a nod. "And?"

She looked at me for a long moment before she sighed, "I think you were right to react the way you did. But after watching your parents for years now, everything they've done has been for you and your family. Even after you defected, they wanted to protect you for fear of what you were and what would happen when Jeanine started to implement her plan. They deserve your forgiveness." I sighed and nodded, averting my eyes from hers. "I know it's hard. Especially with everything that you've been through. But the next time you see them you should give them the benefit of the doubt."

"Have you always been here?" I asked her.

"No. I came from one of the other experiments. I wanted to help those that were still involved with the others that were still active. I knew what they would go through and I wanted to help them."

"So you don't know that they came from here?"

"Oh, I knew that. But they were unique. Just like Natalie. They are all pretty much legends here. They fell to human nature, ending their involvement with this facility. All those choices were made for the love they had found and the family that they wanted. Both you and Tris come from strong lines of love. Both your parents loved each other and have sacrificed everything for their families."

"Mine has shrunk." I stated sadly.

"Not really." She smiled. "Maggie dying touched many here. For those of us who had been watching knew how amazing she was. She was an amazing person. But her death was accidental and you should have seen the pain and guilt Eric expressed after it happened. I can't tell you how happy I am that you two are stronger because of it and not estranged."

"Me too." I told her with furrowed brows.

"Where is he anyway?" Kyle asked.

Sighing, I shrugged, "All the fun GD versus GP shit has made both him and Four spend a lot of time away from their girlfriends."

"Pen." Tris's voice drifted over to me.

Looking up, her and Zoe were standing by the door. "Guess we're leaving. Thank you. Maybe I'll see you guys later." I told Kyle and Tessa.

"Come back any time." She smiled at me. "I'm free whenever you are."

"Thank you." I smiled at her and quickly jogged after Zoe and Tris.

Going out into the hall, they were already moving down it, making me jog a little faster. Only before I reach them, I slammed into a hard chest, ricocheting off of it and landed hard on the floor. Looking up, Heath was smiling down at me.

"Pen!" Tris said jogging back to me. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I said getting to my feet.

"Who are you?" Tris frowned at him.

"Heath." He smiled holding out his hand.

"He's one of the soldiers that I sparred with." I explained.

She nodded, "Okay. Pen, come on."

"Where are we going?" I asked her.

"Zoe has business in the lab."

"I remember the way." I told her and nodded. "I'll be right behind you."

"Pen." She frowned.

Smiling, I crossed my arms, "Don't worry, Tris."

"Fine." She nodded and walked away.

Watching her and Zoe walk away, I looked at Heath, "So, what can I do for you?"

"Just wondering if you wanted to spar again. Can't say I've found a more equal match."

"You should meet Eric." I smiled at him.

"Maybe I should." He told me. "Though something tells me that it wouldn't go very well."

"No, it would not." I agreed. "He'd beat the shit out of you. He can be pretty jealous."

"I'm sure he can. Though I did see him talking to Nita the other day. She was all smiles afterward." He told me.

"Excuse me?" I frowned.

"I'm sure it was nothing." He told me quickly. "I'm sure he's the loyal type."

"We both are." I shot at him. "He would never cheat on me. Not ever."

"I'm sorry." He said holding up his hands. "I didn't mean to start anything."

"You didn't." I told him attempting to sound calm but he was seeing right through it.

His smile broadened, "I guess he's not the only jealous one."

Watching him walk away, I headed toward the labs. I had never thought myself the jealous type but he simply mentioned another girl smiling at Eric and I was immediately jealous. Now that I was thinking about it, I hadn't seen him with another girl since before we were together. He'd talked to other girls but it was always business. If Nita was all smiles…he wouldn't.

"What is it?" Tris asked when I walked in still frowning.

"Nothing." I told her attempting to smooth my brows.

"Did he do something?" She frowned.

I shook my head, "No. He just put an idea in my head that had never occurred to me before."

"And what was that?"

"Another girl looking at Eric." I frowned harder, crossing my arms.

She smiled, putting her hand on my arm, "You know he only has eyes for you."

"I do. I do know that. But the idea is still growing. He said he saw Eric talking to Nita and I quote "she was all smiles" afterward."

"I've had a similar feeling toward her." She replied with a raised brow.

"Let's kill her." I smirked at her. We laughed together until we realized Matthew's eyes were on us. Clearing my throat, I looked at Tris. "Where is Zoe?"

"She had something to do." Tris replied.

"Did she quench some of your need to know more?"

"Yeah." She replied but I didn't really believe her.

"What did you learn?" I asked her.

"Marcus is genetically pure."

"What?" I frowned at her. "How is that possible when he's done the things he's done?"

"That is an excellent question." She replied.

"Her argument has a few holes in it, doesn't it?" Matthew interjected. He was watching us from behind his desk, tapping his fingers on the arm of his chair.

"Yeah." She replied.

"Some of the people here want to blame genetic damage for everything." He went on. "It's easier for them to accept than the truth, which is that they can't know everything about people and why they act the way they do."

"Everyone has to blame something for the way the world is." Tris told him. "For my father it was the Erudite."

Putting my hand on her arm, I offered her a small smile, "Mine too."

"I probably shouldn't tell you guys that the Erudite were always my favorite, then," Matthew told us with a small smile.

"Really?" Tris said straightening. "Why?"

"I don't know, I guess I agree with them. That if everyone would just keep learning about the world around them, they would have far fewer problems."

"You wouldn't think that if you really knew them." I frowned at him.

"I've been wary of them my whole life." Tris told him, sitting down, hunching in the chair as she rested her chin on her hand. "My father hated the Erudite, so I learned to hate them too, and everything they did with their time. Only now I'm thinking he was wrong. Or just…biased."

"About the Erudite or about learning?"

She shrugged. "Both. So many of the Erudite helped me when I didn't ask them to." I can see them all flashing in her brain. All those who had helped us through this fight. Many who had died because of it. "They were so focused on making the world a better place." She went on, shaking her head. "What Jeanine did has nothing to do with a thirst for knowledge leading to a thirst for power, like my father told me, and everything to do with her being terrified of how big the world is and how powerless that made her. Maybe it was the Dauntless who had it right."

"I'll go with that one." I smiled at her.

"There's an old phrase." Matthew told us. "Knowledge is power. Power to do evil, like Jeanine…or power to do good, like what we're doing. Power itself is not evil. So knowledge itself is not evil."

"I guess I grew up suspicious of both. Power and knowledge." Tris told him. "To the Abnegation, power should only be given to people who don't want it."

"There's something to that. But maybe it's time to grow out of that suspicion."

Frowning, I wasn't sure I enjoyed where this conversation was going. "You can't simply grow out of something that has been in your brain since the very beginning. Aren't the pathways we make in the first years of life the strongest? To form a whole new opinion of things we already believe isn't about growing out of it. It has to be learned and it sure as hell doesn't happen overnight."

"And what suspicions do you have?" Matthew smiled.

"None." I shot back at him. "I don't know. It doesn't really matter."

He just looked at me for a moment and then focused on Tris again. He reached under the desk and took out a book. It's thick, with a worn cover and frayed edges. Human Biology is printed on the front of it.

"It's a little rudimentary, but this book helped to teach me what it is to be human." He told me. "To be such a complicated, mysterious piece of biological machinery, and more amazing still, to have the capacity to analyze that machinery! That is a special thing, unprecedented in all of evolutionary history. Our ability to know about ourselves and the world is what makes us human."

He handed her the book and she looks like it holds on the answers. Frowning, I was ready to leave. Maybe spending time with her was not my brightest plan. She was completely enthralled with learning more and I just wanted to forget it all. None of it mattered. We are who we are and no matter how much we knew about human genetics or biology or anything else, who we are wasn't going to change. I was liking it here less and less.

"I'm gonna go." I told Tris, unable to hide my annoyance in my tone.

Tris nodded at me, "Me too." We left, swiftly moving down the hall. "Pen, slow down."

"I don't know why I go around them. I hate listening to them. To David, to Matthew, to even Zoe and Amar. They all have these warped ideas about all this GD and GP shit and it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't make a difference. We're still us and that is never going to change."

"Wow." She said softly.

"Do you believe all this shit?" I frowned at her.

"I feel like there is more to learn."

"What difference is it going to make?" I asked her.

"To understand us all better."

"Again, what difference is it going to make? Will it make your life easier or harder? Will it change the person you've become?"

She was quiet for a moment before she replied, "I guess not."

"You guess not?" I frowned. "I need to hit something."

"See you later?" She asked as I veered off toward the training room.

I didn't reply. Rushing off, I went into the locker room, grabbing sweats and a tank from the stack. I'd only been at it for barely a half hour when the door opened and Heath came in. He wasn't the person I wanted to see right now. I felt so annoyed with this world. We weren't needed here. We would do better just going back into the city.

"Want to spar?" He asked.

"No." I said and moved toward the women's locker room.

"Pen." He said stopping me. "Listen, if I said the wrong thing earlier…"

"You didn't." I replied quickly.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked.

I couldn't help but laugh before I looked at him. "No, Heath, I really don't want to talk about it."

"What's got you all fired up?" He asked anyway.

"Do you believe in all this genetic crap?" I asked.

For a long moment he just looked at me, "I guess."

"You guess?" I shot at him. "It's not something you can just guess about. It's a pretty straightforward yes or no answer."

"Then yes." He replied.

"So if I told you that I was a GD, would you look at me differently?" I asked him.

"You're not." He smiled at me.

"Wow." I frowned and walked away from him.

Changing, I rushed back to the dormitory, bumping into Tris again along the way. We fell into step next to each other, not saying anything. She looked about as happy as I was and I didn't think either of us was in the mood for an argument.

"You okay?" I finally asked her.

"No." She replied.

"What happened?"

"I found out some interesting things about my ancestors."

"That bad huh?" I asked as she was practically hyperventilating.

She just nodded. Rounding the corner, we both stopped, seeing both Eric and Four standing in the hallway outside the dormitory. Tris is breathless, whatever she found out was starting to crash down on her. Putting my hand against her back, she rushed forward, passing Eric as he stepped toward me.

"Is she okay?" He asked.

"I don't think so." I told him.

"What's wrong?"

"She found some stuff out about her ancestors. I didn't get anything other than that."

He smiled, taking my face in his hands, "I meant with you."

Sighing, I brought my hands to his wrists, my thumbs running back and forth across his hands, "I'm just sick of all this genetic talk."

"What was said?"

"Nothing important." I told him. "It just frustrates me how much stock they put into all of this. I feel like we should have stayed in the city."

His brows furrowed and he nodded at me, "I've had similar thoughts."

"And?"

"And we already made our choice. We're here and we need to see it through."

Sighing, I nodded, then I see Tris with Tobias against the wall. They're kissing with more passion than I'd ever seen. Seeing them made warmth run through me, sighing with happiness. Something positive came out of this day.

Smiling, I wrapped my arms around Eric, pressing tight against his chest, "It's about damn time."


	17. Broken Secrets

**Chapter Seventeen: Broken Secrets**

Laying on our cots, Eric was on his stomach, already starting to drift off as I trailed my fingers up and down his arm. Turning onto my side, his arm moved around me as he sighed contentedly. Leaning forward, I brushed my lips against his cheek, enjoying the growing beard. Gently kissing his lips, I ran my hand down his face, getting a small noise in return. Grinning at him, I kissed him once more, whispering 'I love you' to him.

Having fallen into a blissful sleep, I woke as Eric shifted. Rolling over, I didn't open my eyes, not thinking much of it until I heard Four's voice. Now my eyes opened, rolling onto my side as I watched them talking in hushed voices. Then they moved toward the door. Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair before rolling over onto his cot. It was still warm and his smell clung to his pillow. Shutting my eyes, I was going to attempt to fall asleep again when I felt hands on my arms.

"I love you, baby." Eric whispered to me.

Turning my head toward him, I put my hand against his cheek, "I love you too."

"I'll tell you everything later." He told me.

"I know." I smiled and kissed him. He was looking at me like he didn't want to go. "Do you want me to go with?" I asked.

"No." He replied, running his fingers through my hair. "It's not a girlfriend friendly kind of thing."

Sighing, I wrapped my arm around his neck as I rolled onto my back, taking him with me. "Just be careful, Eric. You know how I get if anything happens to you." I smiled at him.

He chuckled and kissed me, "I love you, Pen. Get some sleep. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"If I have nightmares I'm gonna need a lot of attention tomorrow."

His nose brushed against mine, "You got it."

"Eric." Four said impatiently.

"Yeah." Eric replied over his shoulder before looking at me. "Sleep."

Then his lips were against mine, kissing me deeply and passionately. My head grew all foggy and then he was gone. Sighing, I rolled over, hating that he had so much control over me. And yet at the same time I loved him for it. Smiling, I hugged his pillow tighter as I curled up into a ball, happy and content, falling back asleep with ease.

I woke to the sound of Tris and Christina's voices. I was still on Eric's cot, telling me that he wasn't back. He may have come back but he hadn't woke me and I was still lying here alone. Sighing, I listened to Tris and Christina, they were talking about normal things at first, making me just want to doze and listen to them. Then they brought up sex and I opened my eyes, smiling, happy that my back was to them. Christina was funny. I liked her.

"Where have you been lately?" Christina asked her. "With Four? Doing a little…addition? Multiplication?"

"That was the worst joke I've ever heard."

Laughing into Eric's pillow, I wanted them to know I was awake and yet wanted to know the answer just as much Christina.

"Don't dodge the question."

"No 'addition' for us." Tris told her. "Not yet, anyway. He's been a little preoccupied with the whole 'genetic damage' thing."

"Ah. That thing." Christina replied.

Now I sighed, sitting up and rolled off of the cot. Running my fingers through my hair, I stepped up to Tris, sitting down in front of her, leaning against her legs. Her fingers found my hair, dragging them through it, snagging on the snarls from the night.

"What do you think about it?" She asked Christina.

"I don't know. I guess it makes me angry." She replied. I could hear the frown in her voice. "No one likes to be told there's something wrong with them, especially something like their genes, which they can't change."

"You think there's really something wrong with you?" Tris asked.

"I guess so. It's like a disease, right? They can see it in our genes. That's not really up for debate, is it?"

"There's nothing wrong with you." I told her with anger. Bringing my knees up, I rested my forehead against them, shutting my eyes as I enjoying Tris playing with my hair. "We're all the same."

"We are. And I'm not saying your genes aren't different." Tris told her. "I'm just saying that doesn't mean one set is damaged and one set isn't. The genes for blue eyes and brown eyes are different too, but are blue eyes 'damaged'? It's like they just arbitrarily decided that one kind of DNA was bad and the other was good."

I nodded, lifting my head again, "No one has the right."

"Based on the evidence that GD behavior was worse." Christina pointed out.

"Which could be caused by a lot of things." Tris retorted.

"I don't know why I'm arguing with you when I'd really like for you to be right." Christina told her, laughing. "But don't you think a bunch of smart people like these Bureau scientists could figure out the cause of bad behavior?"

"No." I replied softly. "They only know what the generations before them have told them. We don't really know how any of this came about. We're simply the result of whatever happened before the Purity War. That was so long ago that whatever they were fighting about isn't even relevant anymore. What they think they know may not even be true anymore. It's one word against another's. The GD versus the GP. But maybe that doesn't even mean anything anymore. We just…we don't know."

"Does she ever not ramble?" Christina smiled before nudging my shoulder.

Grinning, I nudged her back. "I'm just saying…"

"We know." Tris said running both hands down my hair before she started to run her fingers through it again. "And I'm sure they are smart enough to figure things out. But I think that no matter how smart, people usually see what they're already looking for, that's all."

"Maybe you're biased too." Christina told her. "Because you have friends – and a boyfriend – with this genetic issue."

"I'm biased." I said raising my hand.

"Maybe." Tris told her. She was clearly having trouble finding an explanation, especially when she still didn't know what to believe. Kinda like me. "I guess I don't see a reason to believe in genetic damage. Will it make me treat other people better? No. The opposite, maybe."

"You don't believe things because they make your life better, you believe them because they're true." Christina stated.

"That's not how belief works." I frowned, looking up at her. "I believe that we are all the same and that our genes don't make us better or worse than each other. The science says that I'm wrong. But it's something I believe. It has nothing to do with facts or what they've told us. And if believing something makes us feel better, then how bad can believing be?"

"There you go again." Christina smiled.

Then Tris spoke, slowly, "But isn't looking at the result of a belief a good way of evaluating if it's true?"

"What she said." I smiled over my shoulder.

"Sounds like a Stiff way of thinking." Christina told her before she paused. "I guess my way is very Candor, though. God, we really can't escape factions no matter where we go, can we?"

Tris shrugged. "Maybe it's not so important to escape them."

"I love being Dauntless." I told them. "I wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for our faction."

Hearing the door, we all looked toward it, seeing Eric and Four walk in. Eric looked troubled and tired but not so worse for wear. Four, on the other hand, looked pale and exhausted. He had bed head and was wearing the same clothes as he was yesterday. He'd been doing that since we got here. At least Eric had been showering and changing. I knew Four was having trouble but he still wasn't taking as good a care of himself as I thought he would. Or should.

Christina got up, smiling at us. "Okay, I'm going to go. And leave you four…to all this space. Alone." She gestured at all the empty beds, and then winked conspicuously at Tris as she walked out of the dormitory.

Tilting my head back, I looked at Tris, "She made that sound really dirty."

"Like we'd do anything with each other in the same room."

"I'm game." Eric smirked.

We both frowned at him. "I don't think so, baby." I told him, offering him my hands.

He took them, hoisting me onto my feet and into his arms, "I can block them out."

"I can't." I laughed and kissed him.

He just smiled and kissed me, his tongue slipping into my mouth. Leaning against him, I took his face in my hands, never wanting my lips to be apart from his. He ran his fingers through my hair before he slid one arm around my shoulders and the other around my waist.

"Eric." Four's voice interrupted, but it didn't stop us. "Opie."

Eric turned me away from them, slowly moving us toward the door, then Eric was jerked away from me. The old Eric would have turned and punched him for interrupting. Now he simply sighed and cemented my back against his chest, turning us back to Four.

"Sorry." Eric smiled at him.

"I know you two aren't afraid of showing your affection. However, we need to talk to them."

"I know."

"What's going on?" I asked looking up at Eric.

"Tobias?" Tris asked.

"There's something I want to talk to you about." He told her.

"Okay." Tris told him.

I was sure she was feeling the same sudden spike of anxiousness that I was. Four was lingering at the foot of her bed, playing with the hem of his shirt. Eric pressed his face into my neck, his beard tickling my neck as it scratched against my skin. Smiling, I pressed a kiss against his temple. His lips were soft as they found my pulse point, laughing lightly, feeling like he was drooling all over my neck.

"Stop it." I whispered to him.

"Then don't worry so much." He whispered back.

"You're such a child." I told him. Then I shrieked as his teeth found my skin. Leaning away from him, he only gripped me tighter.

"You love me anyway." He told me as I turned in his arms.

Laughing, I ran my hand across his hair, sliding my fingers down the side of his face to his beard. Gripping it gently, I pulled his face closer to me, kissing him. "Very much so." I told him. "And this needs trimming."

"Guys." Four said with annoyance.

We both looked at him. "Sorry." I told him sheepishly.

"You act like you never see each other." Four went on. "We have something we need to say and if you two don't knock it off –"

"Hey." Eric interrupted, letting me go and stepped toward him. "I'm sorry, Tobias. We're done."

"And for the record you two have been very busy lately." I told my brother with a raised brow.

He just raised one back as I sat next to Tris with my leg against hers. We both looked up at our men, waiting for them to tell us what the hell was going on.

Four took a deep breath, looking between us, "Okay, I want to ask you to promise not to get mad." He told us. "But…"

"But you know I don't make stupid promises." Tris finished for him. Putting my hand against her back, I took a deep breath, already hearing the emotion in her voice.

"Right." He replied, sitting on his bed.

He was avoiding her eyes and mine. Eric sat next to him, resting his elbows on his knees, holding his hands out to me. Smiling, I took my hand from Tris, sliding both of them into his. They were calloused and warm and big. They were Eric's and I loved everything about him.

"Nita left a note under my pillow, for me and Eric, telling us to meet her last night. And we did."

"Eric." I frowned at him, my good feelings gone.

I didn't want to be jealous but at the same time he was going off with another girl. And Four. I couldn't help but picture the adorable Nita smiling and swooning over my man and it made my anger spike.

"A pretty girl asks you to meet her late at night, and you go?" Tris demanded of her boyfriend. "And then you want me not to get mad about it?"

I pulled my hands from Eric's, still frowning, "I'm with her."

"It's not about that with Nita and me. Or with Eric and her. At all." He replied quickly, finally looking at Tris.

"Yeah, baby. Don't be mad." Eric said softly.

Scoffing, I shook my head at him. He had told me he would fill me in, but I didn't think it had anything to do with another woman. He reached for my hand, making me lean away from him. "No."

"Pen."

"She just wanted to show us something." Four went on. "She doesn't believe in genetic damage, like she led me to believe. She has a plan to take away some of the Bureau's power, to make GDs more equal. We went to the fringe."

"The fringe? Eric." I shot at my boyfriend. "What the hell?"

"Baby, just listen." Eric said holding out his hand.

Meeting Tris's eyes, we both shut our mouths, glaring at our men. Both Four and Eric sighed before Four started to talk again. He told us about the underground tunnel that leads outside, and the broken down town in the fringe. He went on to the conversation with some Rafi and Mary. They were meeting people and being told things and they just left us here asleep as if it was no big deal. But we listened intently as they both explained the war that the government kept hidden so that no one would know that "genetically pure" people are capable of incredible violence, and the way GDs live in the metropolitan areas where the government still has real power.

The more they talked the more I thought Nita had ulterior motives. Like she was reeling them in for some reason that she just hadn't shown yet. She wanted them alone and didn't want us involved. They said it was all about the genes, but it couldn't be that simple. Something else was going on. She had asked that they keep watch while she talked to Rafi and Mary. Why? There were more questions than answers and neither man had thought to seek the answers out.

"How do you know she's telling you the truth?" Tris asked after they were done.

"I don't." Four replied. "She promised to show us evidence. Tonight." He told her, taking her hand. "I'd like you to come."

"Pen." Eric said softly, attempting to meet my eyes. I kept them on Four, trying to push the maddening jealousy back where it belonged.

"And Nita will be okay with that?" Tris asked.

"I don't really care." Four told her as he laced their fingers. "If she really needs my help, she'll have to figure out how to be okay with it."

"Pen." Eric said again.

Finally meeting his eyes, he looked anxious, giving me a small smirk. It was meant to disarm me, and he usually got what he wanted. Sighing, I nodded, taking his hand in mine, playing with his fingers as he rested the other against my cheek.

"Okay." Tris finally told him. "I'll go. But don't for a second think that I actually believe she's not interested in you for more than your genetic code."

"Well, don't for a second think I'm interested in anyone but you." He replied.

Watching him put his hand on the back of her neck, he drew her closer to him, their lips meeting. Running my hand down Eric's forearm, I stood and took his hand, moving both of us away from the pair who had grown ever more comfortable to show affection around us.

"How mad are you?" Eric asked as we sat on his cot.

Sighing, I crossed my legs, picking at my thumbnail as I stared at it, "I'm not mad."

He chuckled, making me look up at him. He was smiling at me fondly, making me want to take him then and there, not caring that Four and Tris were still in the room.

"I'm not mad." I repeated.

"Then what are you?"

"Jealous as hell!" I yelled, glancing at the pair behind me who weren't paying any attention. "Is that what you want to hear?" I asked him, lowering my voice. "I don't like the idea that some girl wants you to meet her and you do it without telling me. You say you'll tell me and you did tell me, however it was after the fact that you've been running off in the middle of the night with another girl."

"I love you." He said putting his hand against my neck, pulling me to him so his lips could meet mine.

"Not helping." I told him, but kissed him again.

"I'll keep trying." He smiled and kissed me again, pulling me closer to him.

Giving in, I moved into his lap, taking his face in my hands as I kissed him passionately. He slid his hands under my shirt as I did the same. Grinning at him, I moved my hand to the back of his head, gripping his hair as we continued to kiss.

"God I love you." He said, the words muffled against my lips.

Beaming at him, I kissed him slowly, "And I love you."

"We need to find a private room." He stated, heat just rolling off of him.

Sliding my hands down to his waist, I tucked my fingers into the top of his pants, putting my face against the side of his, my lips just barely brushing his ear. "Just think of all the things I could do to you if we were alone."

"Pen." He said with wanting, his face against my neck as his arms wrapped around me. "I'll never want anyone other than you."

"I know." I told him, kissing him again.

"But I love that you're jealous."

Smiling, I shook my head, "I don't like the feeling."

"It means you have something to lose."

"Don't even." I frowned, brushing my lips against his. Now the thought of losing him entered my mind. I leaned away from him, letting my arms drop into his lap. "The moment is officially dead."

"What?" He frowned, rubbing my back.

"Not that it matters." I went on. "We can't do anything anyway."

His grip around me tightened, "Just a little bit longer."

Feeling him beneath me, I just grinned at him, "You're hard enough."

Getting off of him, he gripped my hand, "And now you're just going to leave me?"

The sad moment passed and I gently pulled on him, "I think I need a shower."

He was off the cot and against me in the blink of an eye, making me laugh loudly. Rushing out of the dormitory, we made our way to the locker rooms. Pushing through the door closest to us, our lips were still moving against each other's, only then there was a shriek and he swiftly moved me behind him, facing who made the noise.

"Ainsley." He said with annoyance.

"Sorry." She said, shifting back and forth, clearly not sure what she should be doing.

"Interrupted again." Eric said and laughed, his hands on his hips as he looked at me.

Stepping in front of Eric, I gripped his hand as I smiled at Ainsley. "Hey. We didn't mean to startle you."

"I was just getting ready for the day." She replied. "I wasn't lurking, waiting for you to show up or anything."

"I wasn't thinking anything like that." I frowned at her. "I haven't seen you since…"

"Since you blew me off to make your boyfriend happy?" She shot at me.

It was harsh but completely true. "Basically. Yeah."

"Don't worry about it, Pen." She said putting all her things back into her bag. "I'm not diluting myself to thinking we can be friends. Apparently you have enough of those."

"Okay, enough." Eric shot at her. "You're right, she blew you off because of me. But you have to realize how creepy you were being."

"Eric." I frowned at him.

"No, he's right. I got too excited about you being here. I didn't mean to make you feel awkward." She told me gently. "But as much as I don't understand your lives, you don't understand mine. Living here for my entire life watching people and connecting with them more than anyone else in my life. I feel like I know you and I get that I came off a little strong, but I've looked to you and your friends for comfort and an escape from my life here."

"And why is your life here so bad?" Eric frowned at her. She just glared at him. "And now you have nothing to say?"

"Eric, please." I told him. "She's never done anything to hurt us."

"Just probably watched us sleep." He retorted.

Frowning at him, it occurred to me that I hadn't done Ainsley any justice. I hadn't even remembered to show him the pictures she took of us. I got too wrapped up in the camera and capturing the memories since, but Ainsley had been the reason I got the chance. She had been there and helped both of us move on from the death of our family members. She had been nothing but supportive. A little creepy, yes. But still supportive. I hated that she had watched all of us so much but it was just the way things were here. Had I not just been watching my parents, learning what they knew about them here, and wanting to watch knowing that they didn't know that I was? There was a freedom in watching people without them knowing. Suddenly I felt no better than her.

"Let's just go." I frowned.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Can we just go?" I countered.

"No." Ainsley told us. "I'll go."

"I'm sorry." I told her as she moved toward the door.

She stopped and turned to me, "It's okay, Pen. I get it. I'm not going to hold it against you."

"See you later?" I asked.

She looked at Eric before nodding, "Sure."

As soon as she was gone, I could feel Eric frowning at me. "Don't."

"Don't what?" He replied.

"Don't get all annoyed with me because you don't like her. She's a good person." I stated as I moved toward the showers. "And I was watching my parents the same as she's been watching us. I liked that they didn't know I was watching them."

"It's different." He replied as we both started to undress. "She has been watching us our whole lives without us knowing. Your parents know what this place is all about. I'm sure they've already wondered if you were checking up on them."

"Not the point." I stated as I stepped into the shower.

"I know, baby, and I get it. But I don't like how around she's been." He replied as he followed me in.

"But she's hasn't been, and she has captured some amazing moments for us."

"What?" He frowned.

"I'll show you when we get back to the dormitory."

Starting to wash, I felt his hands against my back, his fingers occasionally tracing the scars that littered my body. Turning, I brought the soap to his chest, rubbing circles against his skin. He put shampoo in his hands and started to rub it into my hair, massaging my scalp as he worked it through. Stepping closer to him, I moved the soap to his sides, moving to his hips and then around his perfectly formed ass. Moving to the front of him, I washed him, taking his penis in my hand. Gently massaging him, I felt the shudder of pleasure move through him, making me grin.

"Should we?" He asked.

"No." I replied. "Just let me take care of you."

"No?" He frowned, taking both my hands in his. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." I told him.

"I haven't reignited the mood?" He smirked.

Smiling, I nodded at him, "You definitely have, baby. But sometimes I just want to take care of you."

He smiled before he shoved me against the wall, "After everything that's about to go down because of me, I think it's my turn to take care of you."

In the end all we did was shower, make out, and get dressed again. He was sweet enough to give me a nice long shoulder, neck, and scalp massage. Returning the favor, we finally left the locker room, grabbing food before going back to the dormitory. Eating, I reached underneath my cot, pulling out the envelope that contained the pictures that Ainsley had taken of us. Handing them to Eric, I ate while he looked through them, seeing the change in his expression, wondering if he was actually going to admit to being too harsh and even broach the possibility of apologizing to her.

When he finally set them aside, I raised a brow at him, getting a sigh in return. "Fine. I may have judged her too harshly."

"And?"

"And that's it."

"You don't think you owe her an apology?"

He scoffed and shook his head, "I haven't gone that soft."

Sighing, I just smiled and shook my head at him. "Good thing you're so damn adorable."

"Adorable?" He said with a raised brow, moving onto his knees, crawling over me. "I'd say I'm down right sexy." He added, coaxing me onto my back before he was kissing me.

Laughing, we stopped as the door opened, Hazel and Caleb coming in. Sitting up, we finished eating before he read for a while as I drew. Once the afternoon was gone, we spooned and napped, knowing that we'd probably be up most of the night. There were things to do and I had no idea what to expect. Both Eric and Four had been doing things behind Tris's and my back, making me wonder what had been said that we had missed. I believed Eric and Four and everything they told us, but they were men, they didn't always retain as much as they should or ask as many questions, let alone the right questions.

When it came time to leave, I slid my knife into the sheath at my side. Four had attempted to talk me out of a weapon but there was no way in hell I was going anywhere unarmed. He's lucky I didn't bring a gun. Or two. And I couldn't help but feel the need to keep Tris close to me. We were the complete opposite of our men when it came to all this genetic talk. It didn't matter to us, but in the eyes of the people we were staying with, they were "damaged" and we were "pure". It was a bunch of bullshit, and yet when Nita finally showed up in the lobby, it was written all over her face that it mattered to her.

"You promised you wouldn't tell them." She said looking between Eric and Four. Eric stepped up to me, his arm brushing mine as he furrowed his brows at her. "What happened to protecting them?"

"I changed my mind." Four told her.

"And they are more than capable of protecting themselves." Eric added with a hard tone.

I smiled while Tris laughed. It was harsher than I would have thought. "That's what you told him, that he would be protecting me? That's a pretty skillful manipulation. Well done."

Nodding, I scoffed, "It's the only thing she could say to make either of them agree to keep us in the dark."

"Eric didn't agree to anything." Nita told me with disdain. "He's been difficult. So you're not a surprise."

Smiling up at Eric, I slipped my hand in his, leaning against him. He just winked at me, keeping his brows furrowed as he looked back at Nita.

"And it wasn't a manipulation, it was the truth." Nita told Tris, not looking angry anymore, just tired, running her hand over her face and then smoothing back her hair. She wasn't being defensive, which meant she might actually be telling the truth. "You could be arrested just for knowing what you know and not reporting it. I thought it would be better to avoid that."

"Well, too late." Four told her. "Tris and Pen are coming. Is that a problem?"

"I would rather have all of you than none of you, and I'm sure that's the implied ultimatum." Nita replied, rolling her eyes. "Let's go."

Following Nita, we all walked through the quiet compound to the laboratories where Nita worked. I'd been here before so I'm not too surprised, but part of me wanted her to take us to the fringe. I wanted to see what it looked like. To see the effect this place had on the other people of the world that weren't a part of the government.

Nita stopped by the door to the laboratories and scanned her card. We followed her past the gene therapy room where we'd been shown our DNA, moving farther into the heart of the compound than I'd been yet. It didn't help that it was dark and grimy back here, with clumps of dust dancing over the floor when we walk past. It was making me anxious. I was happy that Eric wasn't holding back, but at the same time, I wasn't sure if I wanted to see whatever evidence she was going to show us.

Nita pushed another door open with her shoulder, and we walked into a storage room. Dull metal drawers cover the walls, labeled with paper numbers, the ink worn off with time. In the center of the room there is a lab table with a computer and a microscope, and a young man with slicked-back blond hair.

"Guys, this is my friend Reggie." Nita introduced. "He's also a GD."

"Nice to meet you." Reggie smiled as he shook all our hands, his grip firm.

"Let's show them the slides first." Nita told him.

Reggie tapped the computer screen and motioned us closer. "Not gonna bite."

Tris and I exchanged a glance with each other before the men, moving to stand behind Reggie at the table to see the screen. Pictures start flashing on it, one after another. They're in grayscale and look grainy and distorted – they must of been very old. It didn't take long to see that they are pictures of before. People who are suffering: narrow, pinched children with huge eyes, ditches full of bodies, huge mounds of burning papers.

They're moving so fast that it was hard to focus on anything in particular. My stomach was turning and I couldn't stop the wetness in my eyes, seeing what had happened to those that came before us. This is what they had endured. This is what they had to survive in order to even attempt an experiment like the one we had been a part of. Four turned his face away from the pictures, unable to look anymore.

I was next, stepping back from the screen, Eric quickly following me. Tris was the last one looking, only it's clear on all our faces that it hurts to look at them. Even Eric looked pained and yet was too proud to show it in front of anyone but me. Putting my hand against his side, I gently rubbed it, sighed before I pressed myself against his chest.

"Look at these weapons." Reggie said as he brought up a photograph with a man in uniform holding a gun and pointed. "That kind of gun is incredibly old. The guns used in the Purity War were much more advanced. Even the Bureau would agree with that. It's gotta be from a really old conflict. Which must have been waged by genetically pure people, since genetic manipulation didn't exist back then."

"How do you hide a war?" Four asked.

"People are isolated, starving." Nita replied quietly. "They know only what they're taught, they see only the information that's made available to them. And who controls all that? The government."

"Okay." Tris nodded, and then she was talking too fast, she was nervous. "So they're lying about your – our history. That doesn't mean they're the enemy, it just means they're a group of grossly misinformed people trying to…better the world. In an ill-advised way."

Nita and Reggie glanced at each other.

"That's the thing." Nita stated. "They're hurting people."

She put her hand on the counter and leaned into it and leaned toward us. She's passionate about what she's talking about. She believed wholeheartedly about what she's telling us. The Nita we first met, the young woman with damaged genes who worked in the laboratory, she's just a cover for the Nita who wants to attack the Bureau.

"When the Abnegation wanted to reveal the great truth of their world sooner than they were supposed to," she told us slowly, "and Jeanine wanted to stifle them…the Bureau was all too happy to provide her with an incredibly advanced simulation serum – the attack simulation that enslaved the minds of the Dauntless, that resulted in the destruction of Abnegation."

"Excuse me?" I frowned.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Eric shot at her, taking a step forward.

"That can't be true." Tobias added. "Jeanine told me that the highest proportion of Divergent - the genetically pure - in any faction was in Abnegation. You just said the Bureau values the genetically pure enough to send someone in to save them; why would they help Jeanine kill them?"

"Jeanine was wrong." Tris stated distantly. "Evelyn said so. The highest proportion of Divergent was among the factionless, not Abnegation."

All our eyes are now on Nita.

"Keep talking." I shot at her.

"I still don't see why they would risk that many Divergent." Tobias went on. "I need evidence."

"Why do you think we came here?" Nita switched on another set of lights that illuminate the drawers, and paced along the left wall. "It took me a long time to get clearance to go in here." She went on. "Even longer to acquire the knowledge to understand what I saw. I had help from one of the GPs, actually. A sympathizer."

Her hand hovered over one of the low drawers. She reached in and took out a vial of orange liquid.

"Look familiar?" She asked as she showed it to us.

"Max." I whispered and looked up at Eric. "The day Tris initiated. The so called tracking serum that was injected into all of us."

Eric frowned, putting his hand against my back. Shrugged out of his touch, I started to pace. He had been a part of that. He was the one who announced that we would all be injected. At that point he was in the inner circle. Did he know where Jeanine had gotten the serum? Now wasn't the time to get into it, and I didn't really think he knew, but…still, the thought was now in my head.

"The colors match." Tobias stated. "So?"

Nita carried the vial to the microscope. Reggie took a slide from a tray near the computer and took two drops out with a dropper, dripping two drops of the orange liquid in its center. Then he sealed the liquid in place with a second slide. As he placed it on the microscope, his fingers are careful but certain. He'd clearly done that a few hundred times or so.

Reggie tapped the computer screen a few times, and opened a program called "MicroScan."

"This information is free and available to anyone who knows how to use this equipment and has the system password, which the GP sympathizer graciously gave me." Nita explained. "So in other words, it's not all that hard to access, but no one would think to examine it very closely. And GDs don't have system passwords, so it's not like we would have known about it. This storage room is for obsolete experiments - failures, or outdated developments, or useless things."

She looked through the microscope, using a knob on the side of it to focus the lens. "Go ahead." She told Reggie.

Reggie pressed a button on the computer, and paragraphs of text appear under the "MicroScan" bar at the top of the screen. He pointed to a paragraph in the middle of the page, and we all read it.

"'Simulation Serum v4.2. Coordinates a large number of targets. Transmits signals over long distances. Hallucinogen from original formula not included - simulated reality is predetermined by program master.'"

"Jesus." I whispered. Looking up at Eric, he was taking slow deep breaths, a distant look in his eyes. "Eric." He met my eyes and nodded.

"Now why would the Bureau have this unless they had developed it?" Nita asked. "They were the ones who put the serums into the experiments, but they usually left the serums alone, let the city residents develop them further. If Jeanine was the one who developed it, they wouldn't have stolen it from her. If it's here, it's because they made it."

"She knew." I said shaking my head. "She knew the whole time and still…"

"Why?" Tris asked breathlessly.

"Abnegation was about to reveal the truth to everyone inside the city. And you've seen what's happened now that the city knows the truth: Evelyn is effectively a dictator, the factionless are squashing the faction members, and I'm sure the factions will rise up against them sooner or later. Many people will die. Telling the truth risks the safety of the experiment, no question." Nita explained and paused. "So a few months ago, when the Abnegation were on the verge of causing that destruction and instability by revealing Edith Prior's video to your city, the Bureau probably thought, better that the Abnegation should suffer a great loss - even at the expense of several Divergent - than the whole city suffer a great loss. Better to end the lives of the Abnegation than to risk the experiment. So they reached out to someone who they knew would agree with them. Jeanine Matthews."

Pacing again, I felt like my chest was caving in. I had been happy. I had been so fucking happy and then because of a stupid video everything came crashing down. Instead of coming up with a way to convince those who knew about the video to stop their plan to release it, they went straight to mass murder. Of all the factions to destroy, they picked the one that was the most good. They were selfless. So why not kill them all? The Bureau had been behind it all. This whole time.

Both Four and Tris look just as shaken as I do. Eric is shaken but his stoic exterior is well in place. Tris is so still it made me wonder what she was thinking and what her next move would be. She'd lost more than all of us and now she knew it was because of the one place we had been fighting so hard to get to. We had stopped Jeanine and we thought that she was bad enough. Now we knew that she was a pawn just like the rest of us.

"This is the problem with their blind commitment to these experiments." Nita went on. "The Bureau values the experiments above GD lives. It's obvious. And now, things could get even worse."

"Worse?" I said barely above a whisper.

"Worse than killing most of the Abnegation? How?" Four asked.

"The government has been threatening to shut down the experiments for almost a year now." She replied. "The experiments keep falling apart because the communities can't live in peace, and David keeps finding ways to restore peace just in the nick of time. And if anything else goes wrong in Chicago, he can do it again. He can reset all the experiments at any time."

"What does that mean?" I demanded.

"Reset them." Four repeated.

"With the Abnegation memory serum." Reggie piped in. "Well, really, it's the Bureau's memory serum. Every man, woman, and child will have to begin again."

Nita added tersely, "Their entire lives erased, against their will, for the sake of solving a genetic damage 'problem' that doesn't actually exist. These people have the power to do that. And no one should have that power."

No. No one should have that power. I was afraid and yet I couldn't deny the voice in the back of my head telling me to stand behind these people. But if I did that, what would it cost me? We should never have come out here. We shouldn't have come here thinking that they needed us. But if we had stayed in the city and they released the memory serum then we would forget everything. Our names. Our families. My eyes shot to Eric. I would forget him. And he would forget me.

"What's the plan?" Tris asked, her voice flat, almost mechanical.

"Yeah." I said stepping next to her.

"I'll let my friends from the fringe in through the underground tunnel." Nita replied. "Tobias, you and Eric will shut off the security system as I do, so that we aren't caught - it's nearly the same technology you worked with in the Dauntless control room; it should be easy for you. Then Rafi, Mary, and I will break into the Weapons Lab and steal the memory serum so the Bureau can't use it. Reggie's been helping behind the scenes, but he'll be opening the tunnel for us on the day of the attack."

"What will you do with a bunch of memory serum?" Four asked.

"Destroy it." Nita replied as if that was the only possible answer.

"That's all you intend to do?" Tris stated, looking away from the microscope. Her eyes are narrowed at Nita. "You know that the Bureau is responsible for the murders of hundreds of people, and your plan is to…take away their memory serum?"

"I don't remember inviting your critique of my plan."

"I'm not critiquing your plan. I'm telling you I don't believe you. You hate these people. I can tell by the way you talk about them. Whatever you intend to do, I think it's far worse than stealing some serum."

"She's right. It doesn't add up." I frowned.

"The memory serum is what they use to keep the experiments running. It's their greatest source of power over your city, and I want to take it away. I'd say that's a hard enough blow for now." Nita replied. Now she's just talking down to us. "I never said this was all I was ever going to do. It's not always wise to strike as hard as you can at the first opportunity. This is a long race, not a sprint."

Tris and I looked at each other and she shook her head. I shrugged in response but I'm with her on this one. I can see where Nita is coming from, but sometimes the more time you take to act, the better chance those you're attacking will figure it out. I didn't want to be on the wrong end of their retaliation. This facility could do some massive damage if it wanted to.

"Tobias, are you in?" Nita asked.

It took a long moment for him to reply, "Yes."

Both Tris and I turned to him. She's in shock that he's agreeing and I felt at a loss of what to think or what to do. "I can disable the security system. I'll need some Amity peace serum, do you have access to that?"

"I do." Nita said and smiled a little. "I'll send you a message with the timing." Then her eyes are on Eric. "Eric? What about you?"

He met my eyes. I knew mine were telling him that I wasn't sure. That this might be too much. That we don't have all the facts and this could all be just one giant manipulation. But then he sighed and my chest started to cave in as I looked at the ground.

"I'm in."

"Good." She smiled. "Keep close to Tobias. He'll have the information." He nodded at her. "Come on, Reggie. Let's leave these guys to…talk."

I listened to them leave but still stared at the floor. As soon as they were gone, I lifted my head and looked at Eric. He looked nervous. He was keeping things from me and now that he let me in, this is what we find out. I wasn't prepared for this.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me as he slowly stepped closer to me.

"I don't know." I frowned at him.

"I can't believe you." Tris shot at Four. "She's lying. Why can't you see that?"

"Because it's not there." He replied. "I can tell when someone's lying just as well as you can. And in this situation, I think your judgment might be clouded by something else. Something like jealousy."

"Tobias!" I yelled, moving to Tris's side.

"I am not jealous!" She replied, scowling at him. "I am being smart. She has something bigger planned, and if I were you, I would run far away from anyone who lies to me about what they want me to participate in."

"She may not be lying." Eric said gently as he stepped next to Four.

Two against two.

"Well, you're not me." Four told Tris, shaking his head. "God, Tris. These people murdered your parents, and you're not going to do something about it?"

"I never said I wasn't going to do anything." She replied shortly. "But I don't have to buy into the first plan I hear, either."

"She has a point, Four." I told him. "It all sounds too fantastic to be the whole truth. I get what you're feeling. And a lot of me wants to jump on board. But I'm not there yet."

"You know, I brought you here because I wanted to be honest with you, with both of you, not so that you could make snap judgments about people and tell me what to do!" Four shot at us.

"Remember what happened last time you didn't trust my 'snap judgments'?" Tris asked coldly. "You found out that I was right. I was right about Edith Prior's video changing everything, and I was right about Evelyn, and I'm right about this."

"Yeah. You're always right." Four shot back at her.

"Stop it." I shot at him.

"Were you right about running into dangerous situations without weapons? Were you right about lying to me and going on a death march to Erudite headquarters in the middle of the night? Or about Peter, were you right about him?"

"That's enough!" I yelled at him. "You did the same damn thing, Tobias! And you dragged Eric in with you! He nearly _died_ because of you! So don't you turn this around on her."

"You're just as bad as she is." He shot at me.

"Tobias, back off." Eric said with his hand on his chest.

"And don't throw those things in my face." Tris told him. She pointed her finger at him as if she were scolding a child. And right now he's acting like one. "I never said I was perfect, but you - you can't even see past your own desperation. You went along with Evelyn because you were desperate for a parent, and now you're going along with this because you're desperate not to be damaged -"

"Tris." I interrupted her.

"I am not damaged." Four said quietly. "I can't believe you have so little faith in me that you would tell me not to trust myself. And I don't need your permission."

He moved toward the door, and I looked at Tris, she was fuming. "Just leaving so that you can have the last word, that's really mature!"

"So is being suspicious of someone's motives just because she's pretty." Four retorted. "I guess we're even."

The room went quiet and the three of us are just standing there. Sighing, I put my hand against Tris's shoulder. She leaned into my touch and I can tell she's upset. We all are. But now wasn't the time to fight amongst ourselves. Not if we were going to join in with these people.

"Tell me you don't believe her." Tris said softly, looking up at me.

Sighing, I shook my head, "I believe parts of it. But I don't know if it's enough to just jump on board. But if they had anything to do with the destruction of Abnegation and the simulation used against our faction then…something needs to be done. And can you imagine them taking away everyone's memory? Can you imagine forgetting Four or your parents or Tori or anyone else?"

"No." She replied. "Eric?" She asked.

He looked at her before he met my eyes. The longer it took him to reply the more worried I was becoming. "Baby?" I frowned.

"You know -" He started but stopped. Then he sighed, "I'm gonna go after Four."

"No. Eric." I frowned as I followed him toward the door. "You keep doing that. I'm getting sick of seeing more of your back the past few days."

He turned and met my eyes with a hard glare, "You take care of her, I take care of him. Isn't that the way you want it?"

"Eric." I frowned.

"There's a lot to think about and right now he's dealing with the most. You know what, me too." He shot at me. "You can go discuss it with the other "genetically pure" while I go discuss it with the other "genetically damaged". We'll discuss it between each other later."

"That's not fair." I told him as he moved toward the door again, me following. "You know I don't care about that."

"Well maybe I do!" He yelled at me.

"You don't though." I replied sadly. "You told me you didn't."

"Maybe I lied."

"You don't lie to me." I frowned. "So what's going on?"

He sighed and took my face in his hands, "Can we please just talk about this later?"

"Fine." I told him, averting my eyes from his.

He sighed, lifting my chin so I met his eyes. "Kiss me." He said softly.

"No." I replied and turned away from him.

I heard him sigh again but then he left. Leaving just Tris and me in the room, just staring at each other.

What now?

* * *

 **Just want to stop and say THANK YOU to all those who are Reviewing and Reading! I LOVE YOU ALL!**


	18. Damaged

**Chapter Eighteen: Damaged**

The hallways were quiet, even though a few people were still lingering. My mind was moving a mile a minute and Tris didn't seem like she was faring any better. I didn't know what to think about all of this. We needed to do something and yet I did not want a part in Nita's plan. I didn't want Eric to have a part in Nita's plan.

"What now?" I asked Tris.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking something needs to be done but I don't want to be a part of Nita's plan. I think you're right and now that both our men are on board…" I told her, shrugging as I shook my head.

"Something is going to happen." She replied.

"If they gave Jeanine the serum, then they aren't any better than she was."

"And in order to get their hands on this serum, the Bureau must have developed it, and somehow delivered it to Jeanine to use. Why would Jeanine work with the Bureau when she so badly wanted to stay in the city, away from them?"

"I don't know." I sighed. "That part doesn't make a lot of sense."

"I guess the Bureau and Jeanine shared a common goal. Both wanted the experiment to continue. Both were terrified of what would happen if it didn't. Both were willing to sacrifice innocent lives to do it."

Shaking my head, I looked around us, "I wanted this place to be home."

"Me too." She replied. "But this place is just as full of killers as the city is."

"This sucks."

There was a long pause before she spoke again, "I gotta go…be somewhere else."

"Okay." I smiled at her. "I'll see you later."

She took a few steps away before she stopped and turned to me. "You gonna be okay?"

I just smiled at her, "Always am."

As soon as she was gone, I sighed, feeling a wave of emotion course through me. Going to the atrium, I sat on the bench and took a deep breath of the nature that surrounded me. This place wasn't all bad. I wanted to stay in this room forever. There was something about trees and flowers and nature that always left me feeling calmer. And right now I could use a little more calm. My mind moved to Eric and all I wanted was to know where he was. Was he okay? What was he thinking?

"Pen?"

Sighing, I looked up to see Hazel. "What are you doing here?"

"Tris and Caleb are having a talk and I didn't think I should be there."

Standing quickly, she jumped back, "An okay conversation or is she angry?"

"I didn't stick around long enough to find out." She replied with unease.

"I'm sorry." I told her as I crossed my arms. "I didn't mean to scare you."

She smiled and let out a small laugh, "You sound like you almost mean it."

"I do mean it." I replied.

Then she was frowning at me. "You're being too nice to me. What's going on?"

"Nothing." I said as I sat back down.

"Something is definitely going on." She stated and sat next to me.

Sighing, I nodded, "Okay. Yes. Something is going on. But it's nothing you have to worry about."

"If you're worrying about it then it probably is something I need to worry about."

Laughing lightly, I nodded again, "Let's just say me and the others are taking care of it."

"I can help you know."

"No. You can't." I told her, the majority of my good feelings gone. "It has to do with Jeanine and I'd like to think that you're on the road to recovery from her influence. I'm not going to submerge you back into the world where she ruled."

There was a long pause before she replied, "Okay."

"Really?" I asked with a frown.

"I'm done fighting you. And if I want my sister back I guess the first step is to listen to you."

"Huh." I said smirking at her. "The eldest finally listening to the youngest."

She let out a short laugh before she became somber again, "I just want to be better than I was. I've been listening and learning and I realize that what she did was wrong. It's hard to forget everything I believed before I came here, but…I'm trying."

It was my turn for the lengthy pause, finally replying, "Okay."

We sat in silence for a while longer before we walked back to the dormitory. Walking through the door, neither Tris nor Caleb was there, and neither were Eric or Four. Sighing, Hazel and I went to our respective sides of the room. I changed and crawled under the blankets on Eric's cot, hugging his pillow as I shut my eyes. My brain was so full and yet I still managed to fall asleep.

Having woken early, Tris was getting dressed for the day and I couldn't just sit around waiting for Eric all day. I felt like he was splitting his time between me and Four. I wanted him with me. I wanted him with me all the time and with all the genetic talk going on, he'd been spending more time with Four than me. When we were together it was perfect, but then he'd go away with Four and he'd find something out or something would happen. I felt needy and yet I didn't care. I needed him.

"What did you decide?" I asked as we walked toward the labs.

"That I'm with you. I don't want to be a part of Nita's plan, but I don't want to stop it either. They need to be stopped."

"Agreed." I told her, opening the door to the lab.

Matthew greeted us and almost immediately delved into some long winded speech about serums. Tris had prompted it, but I couldn't get my mind off of Eric. Tris didn't seem to be faring any better.

"What was that about a vaccine?" I frowned, trying to be a part of the conversation.

"Vaccine to the memory serum. Lasts forty-eight hours." Tris told me.

"Okay." I nodded.

"So…you were making it so you could set up other city experiments more efficiently, right?" Tris was saying to Matthew. "No need to inject everyone with the memory serum when you can just release it and let it spread."

"Exactly!" He replied excitedly. His animation made listening to him easier. "And it's a better model for having the option to select particular members of a population to opt out - you inoculate them, the virus spreads within twenty-four hours, and it has no effect on them."

"So we can vaccinate ourselves against it? It'll have no effect?"

"Right." He grinned at me.

"Do you have any?" I asked next.

"It's here." He nodded. Then he looked at Tris, his coffee mug pausing before it touched his mouth, putting it down. "You okay?" He asked. "I heard the security guards had to pull you off someone last night."

"What?" I frowned. "Tris."

"It was my brother. Caleb."

"Never mind." I replied and started fiddling with the mug that was in front of me. I'd drained the coffee in it a while ago.

"Ah." Matthew said with a raised brow. "What did he do this time?"

"Nothing, really." She replied as she played with the sleeve of the sweater she was sitting on. The edges of it are all frayed, leaving plenty of strings to play with. "I was wired to explode anyway; he just got in the way."

"I know the feeling." I said softly.

Though looking at Tris, my eyes moved to Matthew. He looks like he knows something. She looked at me and I leaned forward, gripping the mug in both hands as I met her eyes.

"I heard something yesterday." She told him. "About the Bureau. About my city, and the simulations."

He straightened and gave both of us a strange look. "Did you hear that something from Nita?"

"Yes. How did you know that?"

"I've helped her a couple times." He replied. "I let her into that storage room. Did she tell you anything else?"

"You're the sympathizer." I stated and stood, pacing. She had lied about that part.

"Something about a plan." Tris replied.

He got up and walked toward us, oddly tense. Tris leaned away from him while I moved closer to her.

"Is it happening? Do you know when?" He asked.

"What's going on?" I frowned at him.

"Why would you help Nita?"

"Because all this 'genetic damage' nonsense is ridiculous." He replied.

"You spin a good tale for someone who doesn't believe." I frowned harder at him.

"It's very important that you answer my questions." He replied as he looked at Tris.

Now I was officially starting to freak out. He was the lighthearted, happy go lucky type and now he was standing there with edge to his stance and the need to know in his tone. I was on high alert and yet the only thing I could think of was where Eric was and how I could get to him.

"It is happening. And I don't know when, but I think it will be soon." Tris told him.

"Shit." Matthew said as he put his hand on his face. "Nothing good can come of this."

"If you don't stop saying cryptic things, I'm going to slap you." Tris said as she stood.

I stepped closer to him, my shoulder in front of Tris's. "I'll do much worse."

He looked at me with unease, "I was helping Nita until she told me what she and those fringe people wanted to do." He explained. "They want to get to the Weapons Lab and -"

"- steal the memory serum, yeah, I heard."

"No." He said shaking his head.

"What do you mean 'no'?" I shot at him.

"No, they don't want the memory serum, they want the death serum. Similar to the one the Erudite have - the one you were supposed to be injected with when you were almost executed. They're going to use it for assassinations, a lot of them. Set off an aerosol can and it's easy, see? Give it to the right people and you have an explosion of anarchy and violence, which is exactly what those fringe people want."

"Death serum?" I said and started to pace again. "Tris."

"I know." She nodded.

"We can't let her do this. And we sure as hell can't let her drag Eric and Four into it."

"I know." She told me again.

"I thought I was helping her with something smarter." Matthew went on. "If I had known I was helping her start another war, I wouldn't have done it. We have to do something about this."

"I told him." Tris said softly. Only it wasn't to either of us. "I told him she was lying."

"Tris. We need to find them." I told her just as softly.

"We may have a problem with the way we treat GDs in this country, but it's not going to be solved by killing a bunch of people." Matthew was going on. "Now come on, we're going to David's office."

"I need to find Eric." I told her.

Trying not to freak out any more than I already was, I followed Tris and Matthew as we made our way down the hall. I had no idea what was right or wrong. But I knew that Nita and the people in the fringe cannot get their hands on any death serum. No one should. Nothing like that should exist. What the hell were these people playing with? They can wipe memories and kill people with a serum or gas. They can make you hallucinate and control you with simulations. The more I learned the more I wanted to watch them fall apart. This place was worse than the city, and we ran right to them.

Walking quickly toward the front entrance, we were past the security checkpoint when I saw Eric ahead of me. Calling out to him, I started to run, racing toward him. He opened his arms to me, smiling as I threw myself into them. Only in the next moment there was an explosion and we were flying through the air. The last thing I remembered was Eric's arms around me and then everything went black.

The first thing I was aware of was the screaming and crying and yelling that was going on all around me. I could feel Eric's arm on my back, his hand resting against my head. Opening my eyes, I was facing away from him, afraid to move. Slowly reaching up my hand, I put it over Eric's. He didn't move. Shifting, I was met with pain, but not enough to stop me. Pushing myself onto my hands and knees, I looked at Eric. He was on his stomach and he was unconscious.

"Eric." I said putting my hand against his neck, momentarily frozen as I took in the amount of blood against the side of his head. "Baby, wake up." Feeling for his pulse, I started to shake, rolling him over. "Eric, wake up!" I yelled as I shook his shoulders. "Eric!" I screamed as I took his head in my hands, feeling warmth under my palm. "Don't do this, baby." I told him as I tucked my hair behind my ears, putting my fingers against his neck, my other against his head as I put my ear next to his mouth. Nothing. "Eric!" I cried as tears filled my eyes. "Don't do this to me!" Trying to control my breathing in an attempt to calm myself, I nodded as I stared at him. "I can do this. I can do this."

Tilting his head back, I breathed into him, watching his chest rise and fall. Putting my hands against his chest I started to compress it, his body shifting under the pressure of them. Breathing. Compressing. Breathing. Compressing. I didn't slow down and sure as hell wasn't going to stop. Everything around me was blurry from the constant tears in my eyes. The screaming and crying and yelling never stopping.

"Breathe, Eric." I told him, pushing air into his lungs. Halfway through the compressions, my shaking intensified, feeling as if all the energy had been sucked from by body as I started to breakdown. Pressing my forehead against his, I started to sob. "Wake up, Eric. Please, please, baby. Please wake up. Breathe, Eric!"

"Kid!" I heard and Doc slid to his other side. "How long has he been down?"

Wiping my snot and tears away with the back of my wrist, I shook my head, "I don't know. A few minutes at least."

"You were working on him?" She asked.

"Yeah." I nodded, picking up his hand, holding it against my chest. "What do we do?"

She turned to the nurse who was with her. "Is it charged?"

"Almost." He replied.

Watching, she cut the top of his shirt, ripping it down the middle, exposing his chest. Frowning, I watched as she wiped it before gripping the handle of two paddles, coiled cords connecting them to some small machine.

"What are you doing?"

"It's time for you to move back." She told me.

"Is he gonna be okay?"

She took both handles in one hand, gripping my arm firmly but gently, "Kid, you need to move back. And you cannot touch him. I know you don't quite understand, but I need you to trust me. If you want me to save him, you need to trust me."

Nodding at her, I put his arm down, sliding away from him. She nodded, taking the paddles in each hand, gel being put onto one of them. She rubbed them together, taking a deep breath. There was a charging sound, beeping, she yelled 'clear' and put the paddles against his chest and side. His body momentarily lurched into the air. I covered my mouth, stifling the scream that flew from my throat. I wanted to reach for him but she shot me a look, her fingers against his neck. Everything started to slow down. Feeling the heaving of my chest while his remained still. I stared at his relaxed face, while mine contorted with the emotion that was flowing through me. Terrified that this was the end. That this was really happening. Sobbing, running my fingers through my hair, gripping it, her voice was muffled as I watched her repeat what she'd just done. Watching as his body once again lurched into the air. Only then he took a breath. For a moment my breath caught, then picked up at a rapid pace as I rushed forward again, taking his hand as I put my other against his hair.

"Eric." I said softly. His brows were furrowed as he took deep breaths.

"Okay." The Doc said leaning over him, checking his eyes. "Let's move him. Get a gurney!"

"Baby, I'm right here." I told him. "Do you hear me, Eric? I am right here."

Four other people appeared, lifting him onto the gurney. Keeping his hand we moved down the hall. There was so much going on around me. So many other people were hurt. Peopled were lying splayed out on the ground. It seemed like blood was everywhere. The screaming and crying and yelling still had yet to stop. And I didn't care. I didn't care and I didn't have it in me to feel guilty about it. The only thing I could concentrate on was Eric. He was all that mattered to me. _All_ that mattered to me. _All_ that mattered. _All._

Squeezing his hand, all I wanted was for him to squeeze mine back. Tears were still flowing as he was rolled into a room. I let his hand go long enough for them to transfer him to the bed. Then I was at his side, holding his hand as they started to work around me.

"You need to step out." One of the nurses told me.

"She stays." The Doc told him.

Looking at her with painful eyes, I nodded at her, "Thank you."

She nodded back. Soon leads were placed on his chest, the monitors coming to life with all of his stats. Looking at them, his heart rate was steady and strong, but his breathing still seemed a little labored and shallow.

"I'm not happy with his O2 levels. Let's get a cannula going and constant monitoring of his levels. We need to get an EKG, an Echo, a CT and a full blood panel. Repeat every hour until I tell you to stop. If something looks off, run them again sooner and come find me. Am I understood?" She shot at those in the room. They all nodded. "Good. Now let's get some blood and get going on those tests. Now people!"

There was a flurry of activity and I was forced to step back. I watched as he was gowned, his blood taken, and machines were brought in to start checking the status of his heart and head. Attempting to take steady breathes, I was still shaking, tears hot as they kept running down my cheeks. As soon as the baseline tests were done, they all left, leaving me with an hour before it all started again. But I didn't even get half an hour to be with him, a nurse came in every fifteen minutes to check his vitals, making sure that he was remaining stable. And he was. He was remaining stable.

Sitting at his side, I held tight to his hand, staring at him as I trailed my fingers through his hair. "You're gonna be okay, baby." I told him softly. "You're gonna be okay."

"Pen!" My name was hollered from out in the hall. It was Four. Furrowing my brows, not wanting to deal with him right now, I pressed Eric's hand against my forehead. "Opie! Penelope Farrier!"

Frowning harder, I sighed before finally yelling, "Tobias!" There was a moment's pause before he slid into view. He rushed to my side, looking me over. "I'm fine." I frowned shrugging his hands off of me.

"You're bleeding." He frowned.

"I am fine." I shot at him. "I will be fine. I am not moving from this spot until he wakes up." Meeting his eyes, I glared at him. "Do you understand me, Tobias? I am not leaving his side until he wakes up."

His expression softened and he ran his hand along my hair, "I wasn't going to try and get you to move."

"Then why are you here?" I frowned.

"Opie." He said sadly.

"I'm sure others can use your help." I stated.

"Opie, no one is more important to me than Tris, you, and him."

Scoffing, I shook my head at him, "We matter so much that you ran off to help someone you barely know. You were a part of this." I told him, meeting his eyes as anger starting to roll off of me. "You were a part of this and Eric nearly died. He nearly died!" I shot at him, standing and shoving him away from me. "He nearly died and you were a part of it!" I yelled at him, shoving him again. "You were a part of it. You helped her and Eric nearly died. He may still die and if that happens I will never forgive you, Tobias. I will never forgive you if he dies."

"Opie." He said sadly. "I'm so sorry."

Scoffing, laughing as I wiped the tears from my cheeks, I sat down and once again held Eric's hand, holding it against my chest as I put my other against his face, wanting nothing more than to see the blue of his eyes. I wanted him to squeeze my hand. I wanted to hear his voice. I would give anything to make sure that he didn't die. Sobbing, I put my hand over my eyes, shaking almost violently as I continued to hold Eric's hand against me.

"I'm so sorry, Pen." Four told me sadly.

"Go away." I cried.

"Pen, please."

Taking a shuddering breath, I met his eyes as I shook my head, tears streaming down my cheeks as I tried to find my voice. "You – you were a part of this."

"Opie."

Frowning, I shook my head, shutting my eyes as I looked away from him, "I can't – I can't even look at you – right now – I –"

"Opie, please."

"Go away." I told him again.

"No." Tobias told me. "I'm not leaving you, Penelope." I glared at him. "I love you. You're my family."

"And you betrayed me." I shot at him. "You betrayed Eric. You betrayed Tris. You betrayed us all. We told you that something was wrong. You didn't listen. You didn't believe us."

"I'm sorry, Opie!" He yelled at me. "I am so very sorry. I can't express how sorry I am."

Looking over my shoulder, I met his eyes. "I know you are." I told him before averting my eyes from his. I couldn't help the disappointment that entered my tone. "But I don't think sorry is enough this time."

"Pen, please." He paused, waiting for me to say something. Instead I just stared at Eric. I didn't want to talk about this right now. I had Eric to worry about and that was more than enough for me right now. "I'm so sorry, Pen." He told me before moving toward the door. "I'm gonna get something to clean you up with."

"I told you. I'm fine." I retorted.

Feeling his lips in my hair, I shut my eyes, "I'll be right back."

"I'm fine." I told him yet again. "I don't want your help." I added, seeing him pause at the door. "You've done enough."

I watched his shoulders slump. Only then he straightened, and he left, leaving the only sound in the room the beeping of the monitors. It left too much time to think about what had happened. He'd taken a blow to the temple, one of the reasons the Doc thought his heart stopped. I'd shakenly cleaned the blood from his face and hair. Following the blood down his neck and chest and arms. He was at least clean now. For a second you'd think that there was no explosion and that he was simply sleeping.

But he wasn't.

Sobbing, I couldn't stop the tears from streaming. I couldn't stop the sound of my agony from flowing from me. I couldn't control my shaking as I thought about nearly losing him. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It kept replaying over and over in my mind. He was stable. He was going to be okay. He had to be. But it didn't stop me from going over it again and again and again. I'd nearly lost what mattered most to me and I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't before in Erudite and I didn't know here. It was the one thing that would ruin me. The one thing that would tear me down and leave me unrecognizable at the end.

"Please don't die." I sobbed as I rested my head against his chest. "Please, baby. Please, please don't die. Eric…"

Crying myself to sleep, I didn't know how long I'd lay there when I woke with a start, flying to my feet as I looked down at him. Nothing had happened. He looked the same. Rolling my shoulder, I felt stiff and on the cold side. Though Eric's hand was still warm in mine. Leaning down, I pressed a kiss against his forehead, sighing as I looked over to see Four sitting there.

"I don't want you here." I told him with a hoarse voice.

"I don't care." He replied. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Where's Tris?"

"I don't know."

Scoffing, I nodded before raising a brow at him, "Then maybe you should worry more about her. She might actually want to see you. Unlike me." I told him with disdain. "Go away, Tobias. I do not want you here."

"Too bad." He said and stood, bringing a bowl toward me. Glancing in it, I saw a brown tinted solution. "Sit down."

"No."

"You're hurt."

"I'm fine."

"Sit." He said gently pushing down on my shoulder.

It hurt and I couldn't hide the look of pain on my face as I sat. I wasn't sure if it was because of the pain or because I felt weaker than I'd ever had before. I could feel the wounds cracking as I shifted. I was starting to feel like I'd been nearly blown up. Bowing my head, I felt emotion creeping in again as I stared at Eric.

"Let me take care of you." He told me softly.

Furrowing my brows, I nodded, knowing that it was going to hurt. Sitting next to me, I shifted away from him but he pulled his chair closer to me. Not having the energy to fight him, I sighed, allowing him to take my arm, cleaning the abrasion that was running from halfway up my bicep down to just past my elbow. He cleaned the cut against my jawline, following the blood that had dripped down my neck. He moved to my other arm, cleaning the burn on my shoulder. Then he lifted my shirt and touched some tenderness against my side. Then I felt the top of my shirt move and his fingers ran along another wound.

"How is he?" He asked as he continued to tend to me.

"Stable." I told him. "They've been doing a bunch of tests. They're doing them once an hour until Doc tells them to stop."

There was a long pause before he asked the one thing that I didn't want to talk about. "How bad was it?"

"No." I said shaking my head. "No."

"Okay." He said quickly. "Okay, Opie. I'm sorry."

"You should be." I frowned at him.

"What can I do?" He asked sadly.

Scoffing, I shook my head, "There's nothing you can do, Tobias."

"Pen." He said with more agony than I'd ever heard from him. "Pen, please."

In the next second two guards come in, telling him that he was under arrest. He met my eyes before his arm was grabbed and he was yanked to his feet. Quickly standing, I gripped Four's arm. "No. You can't arrest him." I shot at them.

"This is none of your concern." One told me.

"It damn well is my concern!" I yelled at him. "You're attempting to arrest my brother!"

"Pen." Eric's voice interrupted.

Everyone looked at him, his eyes still shut and his brows furrowed. "Eric." I said rushing to him, taking his hand. I was so relieved that it nearly erased the fighting that had just been happening.

"What's going on?" He frowned, cracking open his eyes.

"Everything is fine." Four told him, going to his other side, picking up his hand. "Eric, everything is going to be fine. There was an explosion and you were hurt. But you're gonna be okay."

"Tobias." One of the guards said softly.

He looked at them and nodded. "Opie." He said meeting my eyes, reaching for me across Eric.

Gripping his forearm, I nodded back at him, "We'll talk later. We'll figure it out." I told him softly.

"Take care of him." He told me with heavy emotion.

"You know I will." I smirked at him. "I'll come to you as soon as I can. Otherwise you'll know where to find me."

He nodded, "Love you."

Sighing, I smiled at him, "Love you too. Even if I'm so unbelievably mad at you right now."

He smiled and nodded at me. "I'm sorry." Then he was being ushered out of the room.

Biting my lip, trying not to cry, I smiled down at Eric. "Hey."

"What's going on?" He frowned at me, attempting to pull the cannula from his nose.

"No, leave it." I told him. He listened. "Everything is going to be okay."

"Pen, what's going on?" He asked again.

Sitting on the edge, I put my hand on his other side, leaning over him, "Nothing you have to worry about."

"Pen." He frowned harder. Sighing, I wiped the brimming tears from my eyes, averting them from him. "Baby."

Letting a silent sob escape me, I cleared my throat, biting my tongue at the corner of my mouth to try and regain some control. His hand moved to my arm, his gentleness making me meet his eyes. Staring at him, I took a deep breath, about to explain, when the door opened. The nurse from earlier appeared, smiling as she stepped to his side.

"You're awake."

"Yeah." He replied blandly.

"Has your beautiful girlfriend filled you in on what happened?" She asked gently.

He shook his head, "No. Not yet."

She looked between us, her smile faltering. "Should I come back?"

"No." I told her quickly. "No, I'll tell him after the tests are done."

"Tests?" Eric frowned.

I nodded, putting my hand against his chest, feeling his heartbeat, "I'll explain after. Just be good." I smiled at him.

He smirked but didn't look happy about it. Resting his head back against the pillows, we were quiet as the nurse took blood, the EKG, the Echo and the CT. She jotted notes and smiled at us, putting her hand on my shoulder before she left. Taking a deep breath, I met Eric's eyes, my brows immediately furrowing and tears once again sprang to my eyes.

"Tell me what's going on, baby."

"What do you remember?" I asked him, brushing my fingers across his brow.

He rested his head against the pillows again, looking at the ceiling. It took him a few minutes to answer. "I don't know. It's all a bit…fuzzy."

Nodding, I scooted closer to him, allowing him to drape his arm in my lap, his hand against my side. Leaning down, I kissed him slow and deep. "I love you."

He smiled, "I love you. Now tell me."

Nodding again, I took a deep breath. "There was an explosion. The wall just…burst. We were caught in the blast zone." Pausing, I shook my head, "I was knocked out, I don't know for how long." Pausing again, I relaxed, tears freely falling down my cheeks. "When I came to, you weren't breathing and your heart had stopped beating."

"Baby." He frowned.

"I uh…I tried to revive you but it wasn't working. I've never been more scared in my life. I thought I'd lost you. Again."

"Pen." He said sadly.

The tears were streaming as I looked away from him. My throat was so tight I didn't think I'd be able to say anything else. Gripping his hand tightly, I looked down at it, feeling the warmth of it as I once again bit my lip.

"Baby, it's okay." He told me.

"It's not okay." I frowned at him, meeting his eyes again. "Eric, it is not okay." He sighed, bringing his hand to my face. "I broke down. I couldn't handle it. But then the Doc appeared and she shocked your heart, getting it beating again. She's put you under constant supervision and tests are being done every hour until she says otherwise." He nodded with a deep frown on his face. "No one has told me what the tests are showing. But there were a lot of injuries that need to be tended to, so…"

"Are you okay?" He asked urgently.

Smiling, I nodded at him, "Yeah, baby. Thanks to you I'm just fine. Minimally damaged."

"Damaged." He said gripping my side.

"Just a few cuts, bruises, and abrasions." I told him. "You saved me from most of it. At your own expense."

He smirked at me, his hand finding my face, "I'd do anything for you."

"I know." I smiled at him. "And I'd do anything for you."

"I know." He told me.

Laughing lightly, I shook my head, the tears coming fast as I swiftly laid down against his chest, his heartbeat sounding in my ear. "I was scared, Eric. I was so scared. You can't leave me. Not ever. You are never allowed to die."

"Neither are you." He replied with his arms wrapped around me. "I love you so much, Pen. I'm so sorry, baby."

"I love you, Eric. I love you more than anything." I sobbed into him.

"It's gonna be okay." He told me. "We'll figure it out."

Sputtering and hiccupping against his chest, his hands ran up and down my back. His chest was warm. As warm as it always was. Shutting my eyes, I flashed back to just hours ago when the sound that was in my ear was absent. He had been colder then. Colder than he was now. He was okay. He was going to be okay. But it wasn't okay. What happened was not okay. Whatever was going on was not okay. Four being arrested was not okay. None of this was okay. But…as long as Eric was okay…things would be okay. Someday, somehow, things would be okay.

Hours passed, the nurse coming and repeating the same tests over and over again. Now that he was awake, I asked questions the entire time, making her retell me things each time, wanting to know anything and everything about what they were doing to the love of my life. I wanted to know what they were looking for and what their purpose was. I wasn't going to let anything else happen to him and I wasn't going to take anything lightly.

Talking and fooling around with everything in the room; we did whatever it took to keep ourselves entertained. I filled him in on what I knew about Four but that was literally all that Eric had already witnessed. Things were going down. I felt the need to find Tris and yet, I couldn't bring myself to leave his room. Not that he was complaining. Neither of us did well apart from each other and this was just going to make it that much harder to let us out of each other's sight.

"I know I'm probably worse about this than you are, but…do you ever feel like we spend too much time together?" I asked him, slouching in the chair with my feet on the edge of the bed. "Even though lately it doesn't seem that way."

He frowned at me, "No."

"No?"

"No." He said shaking his head. "Even though we both have our moments when we walk away, needing a little time alone. Like lately with Four."

"Yeah, I don't really feel that way anymore. I hate that you've been away from me more than with me lately."

"It's been needed as of late."

"I know. Doesn't mean I like it."

"Hey, sometimes I wake up and you're not there. You know I hate that."

"It's not fair to wake you up just because I can't sleep." I stated.

He patted the edge of the bed. Sighing, I stood up, sitting next to him. "You know I'm more than capable of tiring you out." He smirked and kissed me deeply.

Laughing, I kissed him repeatedly, my hand against his face as I wrapped my arm around his neck. "I'm still very much addicted to you."

"Likewise, baby."

Then the door opened, and Doc came in, "Hey, Kid. Eric."

"Hey." I smiled at her, standing again. "How's my man?"

Her smile grew and she nodded at me, "He is just fine."

"Really?" I asked. "You're sure? No lasting effects or anything?"

"Nope." She said shaking her head. "I've been over all the results and am confident to say that he is perfectly healthy. His heart is in perfect condition. What happened isn't going to cause him any long term problems. You have nothing to be concerned about."

"What about his head?" I asked gently running my fingers through his hair.

She nodded, taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I have to say that I was more concerned about that than his heart."

"Okay." I frowned as Eric gripped my hand tighter.

"With a blow like that, you have to worry about hemorrhaging or a traumatic brain injury." She explained. "But I've been over and over the scans and there is no residual bleeding. There is bruising to his brain, and he needs to take it easy for a while, but he'll make a full recovery."

"What about headaches?" I asked. "Would they be indicative to any start of a brain bleed?"

"Maybe, but doubtful." She replied. "I'm not concerned about it."

"Okay." I nodded, feeling a little better about it.

"Kid, I know you're worried. And you should be. But right now I'm telling you that he's going to be okay. Keep an eye on him and watch for any personality shifts or anything. I'm sure you're aware of the symptoms for head trauma."

Racking my brain, I simply nodded at her, "I know enough."

"Good. And I have no doubt that you will take excellent care of him." She smiled.

"Promise me that you're not lying. Promise me that you're certain about this." I frowned at her, wanting to believe but I was still afraid.

"Kid, I promise you that he is perfectly fine." She said stepping up to me, putting her hands on my arms. "He's okay."

"Can I get out of here then?" He asked.

She nodded, "Sure can. We need all the rooms we can spare and I've given you all the special treatment I can offer."

I threw my arms around her neck, hugging her tightly, "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"None of that." She told me, seeing tears when I let her go.

Laughing, I nodded, wiping them away, "Yeah."

As soon as she was gone, the same nurse came in and started to unhook Eric. I was practically jumping up and down for him to get onto his feet. As soon as he was, I threw my arms around him, letting him go just as quickly when he groaned.

"I'm sorry." I told him.

He smiled, pulling me against him, "Don't be. Just a little sore is all."

Pressing myself against him, I finally let out a long breath of relief. "I love you."

"I love you." He replied. "Now get me out of here."

Smiling, I wrapped my arm around him, his arm across my shoulders. Leading him out of the hospital, we made our way back to the dormitory. The compound still seemed a bit chaotic, making us hug the walls as people ran up and down the halls. There was still some shouting and crying, but a lot of it had died down. Glancing at Eric every few seconds or so, his brows seemed to grow closer and closer together as he took in everything around us. I told him what happened, but something like that doesn't really sink in until you see it. Pressing a kiss against his hand, I ran my nails up and down his back. He sighed and nodded, but his eyes stayed ahead of us.

When we walked through the room, Ainsley quickly stood, as well as Hazel and Caleb. Sighing, Eric looked at me, what he wanted clear in his eyes. Letting him go, he made his way toward his cot while I stepped up to the others.

"No questions right now. As far as I know Tris is fine." I told Caleb. "Four has been arrested. I don't know about anyone else."

"It's been hours." Hazel told me.

"Eric was hurt." I told them. "He may look okay but it's been a rough day. If you want to stay in this room, keep it down. He needs to take it easy for a while and I will make sure that it happens. If you can't keep quiet or keep questions to yourselves then you can leave this room right now."

They all looked at me. Caleb took Hazel's hand and led her from the room. I didn't know if it was because she had questions or if he simply didn't want to leave her in the room with me. As soon as they were gone, I sighed, rubbing between my brows with my fingers before my eyes shot toward Eric. He was lying on his cot, his back facing us. Feeling the sting of tears, I covered my mouth to keep myself quiet as tears slid down my cheeks. Ainsley didn't say anything, she simply embraced me, rubbing my back as I leaned into her.

"I'll get you guys some food and water." She told after I'd calmed down.

Nodding, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "Thanks."

"If there is anything you need just let me know, okay?"

I nodded again, "I will. Thank you."

She gently rubbed my arm, "Go take care of him."

Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly as I moved toward him. Laying behind him, I pressed myself against his back, my lips against his neck as I ran my hand up and down his arm. A shudder moved through him and I felt myself start to breakdown again.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him softly.

"Cold." He told me.

Getting up, I grabbed his blanket, mine, and stole Hazel's as well. She could always share Caleb's. Covering him with all three, I laid behind him again, pressing myself as close against him as I could get. Once again rubbing his arm, I rubbed his chest and thigh as well, trailing kisses back and forth across his neck and shoulders.

"Better?" I asked after a few minutes. He didn't say anything. "Eric?" A soft noise escaped him and I knew that he'd fallen asleep. Shifting, I pressed a kiss against his temple, wrapping my arms around him. "I love you, Eric. I'd be lost without you."

When the doors opened and Ainsley came in, I slowly moved from Eric, standing up without jostling the cot too much. When he didn't move, I leaned down and kissed his temple again before I softly walked toward her. She had a tray of food, setting it on the cot closest to Eric.

"How you holding up?" She whispered.

"I'm not." I told her, wrapping my arms around myself. "It was bad, Ainsley." Tears once again in my eyes as I shifted back and forth. Not enough to spill over but there was a constant brim. "He basically died and if it hadn't been for Doc…" I started, needing to pause to swallow the lump in my throat. "If she hadn't shown up when she did, he'd probably be dead right now."

"Pen." She said softly before hugging me tightly.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I really wish Claude were here." I told her sadly.

She let me go, smiling as she gently played with a strand of my hair, "She would definitely be good for you right now."

Sighing, I nodded, "I need to ask you for a favor."

"Anything."

Turning, I looked at Eric, "Will you watch him for me?"

"Pen, I don't think that's a good idea. He hates me."

I nodded at her, "He pretty much does. But he'll come around. And I need to go see Four. Where would they take him?"

"There is holding cells, but I can't be sure that that's where they were taken."

"I'll figure it out." I told her, moving toward the door.

"Pen." She said stopping me, making me turn toward her. "What do I tell him if he wakes up?"

"Tell him I went to see Four. He'll understand."

"And if he doesn't?" She asked.

"I won't be gone long. If he gets upset, just…make something up. But I plan to be back before he wakes up. You'll be fine." She just nodded, looking anxious. "Tell him that if he doesn't behave I'll be very mad at him." I smiled at her.

"Will you just hurry up." She frowned at me.

Nodding, I took a few steps backward before I turned and swiftly moved to the door. Quietly letting myself out, I sprinted down the halls, moving to the only place I knew of where they held people. Skidding around the corner, I saw two guards, both looking very unhappy to have someone approaching them.

"I need to talk to Tobias." I told them.

"No talking to the prisoners." One replied.

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"Opie." Four's voice said from behind them.

One turned quickly, "Quiet!"

"Opie." He said rushing forward. "How is he? Have you seen Tris? What's going on?"

He was hit with the butt of a gun, making him fall to the floor. "Stop!" I yelled and pushed through them, helping him up. "Eric's okay. I haven't seen Tris. And I don't know anything past the explosion."

"Are you okay?" He asked, gently cupping my face in his hands.

Gripping his wrist, I felt something plastic, looking down to see them tied together. "Tobias." I said sadly. "I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He told me. "It's me who's sorry. I trusted her and then all this happened. I am so sorry."

"What did you do?" I asked him.

"I helped her, Pen. I helped her and this is what happened."

"Why wasn't Eric with you?" I frowned at him. "Why didn't he help her like he had planned to?"

"Because of you." He frowned back. "He couldn't stand the thought of putting a rift between you two so he left."

"You make it sound like I'm the cause of all this. You will remember that I was caught in the same explosion that he was. So who are you really mad at?" I shot at him.

"Me!" He yelled. Then he lowered his voice. "I'm sorry. I know that you would never cause him or yourself any harm."

"You're right. I wouldn't." I frowned.

Then the guard had my arm. "You need to go."

"She's fine." Four shot at them.

"Now!" The guard yelled, yanking me away from him.

"Four!" I called as I reached out for him.

"Pen!" He called back as he gripped my hand in both of his.

The guard yanked harder, ripping my hand out of his, "Get out of here."

They threw me away from them, making me slam into the ground. Getting onto my feet, I turned and looked at them. They may have been armed but I was more than positive that I held more skill than both of them combined.

"It's not worth it." Four told me from behind them.

"I'll be back." I told him.

"I'll find you if I get out first." He replied.

Stepping toward the guards, they both raised their guns at me. I simply smirked at them before growing serious. "If you lay one hand on him I swear to god that I will kill you."

The braver of the two put the barrel of their gun against my shoulder, "Leave."

Looking at it, I smiled before I stepped back, not turning round till I was around the corner. Sprinting back down the hall, I came to a sudden stop when Tris appeared.

"Tris." I said wrapping my arms around her.

"Pen." She replied, gripping me tightly. "You're okay."

"Where did you go?" I asked her.

"I'll explain later. I need to see Tobias." She told me.

"Will you come to the dormitory after?"

She nodded, "Yeah. Is Eric okay?"

Tears brimmed again and I nodded, "He is. But it was close."

She hugged me again, her grip painful yet comforting. "I'll be back soon." Feeling my face contort with the effort of holding back my emotions, I simply nodded at her. "Pen, everything is going to be okay." She told me.

Taking a deep breath, I nodded again, "Okay."

"Okay." She nodded and started to move away from me.

"The guards are bitches." I stated.

She smiled, "I can handle it."

Smiling back, I took another deep breath and turned back down the hall. Breaking into a run again, I raced back to the dormitory, letting myself inside. Ainsley was pacing in front of Eric's cot, looking anxious. Smiling, I stepped up to her, putting my hand on her shoulder. She sighed with relief and hugged me tightly.

"Anything happen?" I asked.

"He said your name a couple times but that's it." She replied. "He didn't wake up."

"Good." I smiled.

She returned it before it disappeared, "You look like hell."

Laughing lightly, I nodded, "I feel like hell."

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked.

"Yeah." I nodded. "I'm just cut and bruised."

"Are you sure?" She asked with concern.

Smiling again, I nodded, "I am. I've been hurt enough in my life to know the difference."

She nodded, "Okay."

"You can take off." I told her. "I'm just going to lay with him."

"Okay." She repeated. "If you need anything –"

"I'll let you know." I smiled at her.

She nodded and left. Turning to Eric, I walked to the cot and once again laid down behind him, wrapping my arms around him. Pressing closely against his back, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as tears once again filled my eyes. I could hear him breathing and the sound of his heart beating. Silently crying into his back, the tears didn't stop until sleep took me.

Waking to the sound of my name, I cracked my eyes open to see Tris hovering over me. Sighing, I propped myself up and looked at Eric. He was still sleeping. I figuring that was a good thing. His body had literally taken a shock and needed all the rest he could get. Putting my face against his neck, I took a deep breath, pressing a kiss against it before I rolled off the cot.

"How you holding up?" Tris asked.

"I'm not." I told her. I'd just had this conversation. "Tell me what you know."

"Nita was after the death serum." She told me.

Nodding, I sank down onto the nearest cot. Looking at Eric, tears once again sliding down my cheeks. "Did she get it?"

"No."

"Why did she want it so badly?"

"She wanted to kill a bunch of important government people. She wanted to start a war." She explained. "I found her with David. I saved him by shooting her. She's been arrested and David is in the hospital."

I felt like the air was being sucked out of the room. "We left a war to join a war." I stated.

She nodded and sighed. "I can't stay long. Uriah is in the hospital and I want to be there when they start letting people see him."

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"He's in a coma. They don't know what will happen but it doesn't look good."

Frowning, I nodded before shaking my head, looking at Eric again. "How did this happen, Tris? We fought our way out here, leaving people behind, watching our friends and family die along the way, only to come here and go through this."

"I know." She said sitting next to me.

"He died today." I told her, unable to look away from him. "The explosion knocked us out. When I came to he wasn't breathing and his heart had stopped."

"Pen." She said softly as she took my hand.

"I tried to bring him back but my feelings spilled over and I broke down. You all tell me how my feelings for him cloud my judgement. And you were right. I couldn't handle it and I almost lost him. Then Doc showed up and shocked his heart, getting it beating again. They've done a bunch of testing and tell me he's fine."

"Opie." She said even softer.

Smiling, I looked at her, "You called me Opie."

"Sorry." She told me. "Tobias says it so much that it just gets in my head."

"Sorry." I replied. "I don't mean for him to talk about me so much."

"You're his family, Pen. I think he cares about you more than anyone."

I shook my head, "No, Tris. He cares about you more than anyone. I may come in at a close second, but it's you."

"I think it's kind of amazing that you and him never got together."

"Me and Four?" I told her with furrowed brows. "Gross."

She laughed and we both looked at Eric. He didn't move. "He'll be okay."

"I know." I told her. "But the number of times I've nearly lost him is getting far too large for my liking."

"I can't argue with that. And after everything that's happened, even I can't stand seeing him hurt."

Meeting her eyes, the tears had returned yet again, "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

"I care about him." She told me with furrowed brows. "I look at the two of you and sometimes am so jealous. He kisses you and says all the right things. Even when he's pissing you off or vice versa, you two are just so…perfect. I wish Tobias would be that way with me. Kiss me and hold me and not make me feel like I need to be strong and to keep being strong no matter what's going on. We're like two stone statues who are trying to love each other." She paused, taking a deep breath. Frowning, I wasn't sure what to say to her. "He's even different with you. He's lighter when he's with you. He isn't worried about things when he's with you."

"Yes he is." I told her. "I know it seems like he's being stoic or that he doesn't feel enough. But he is madly in love with you, Tris. I need you to believe that because it's the truth. Me and Eric, we started this thing running. There wasn't a slow burn that turned into more. We started hot and we've just been lucky enough to keep it going. Especially after everything we've been through. He is the center of my world." Pausing, I looked at him before meeting her eyes again. "It's the same for Tobias. He shows it in his own way, but you are the center of his world."

She smiled, "I want to believe that."

"Believe it, Tris." I smiled back at her. "I don't lie to you."

She looked at me for a long moment before she spoke, "You've told me that before."

"I have." I nodded. "And have I proven myself wrong?"

"No." She replied. Then she scoffed and grinned at me, "I never thought we'd end up this close."

"Me neither." I replied. "But I'm happy that we did."

"Me too."

There was a long moment of silence before she stood. "I better get back to the hospital."

"Okay." I replied.

"Keep me posted on how he's doing."

"I will. You too, let me know how Uriah is."

"I will."

The room was eerily quiet as soon as she was gone. But I had to admit that I felt better. Talking to her made me feel better. And the fact that it made me feel better made me feel better. Four would be very pleased. Going back to Eric, I looked at my cot, moving it against the wall. Kneeling down, I side sat, slipping my hand into his as I ran my fingers across the tattoos on his arm. Running them to his neck, I traced the tattoos before moving my hand to his hair, running my fingers through it. Resting my head against my arm, I simply stared at him, now more than ever worried about what was to come. We weren't just playing with people in the city anymore. We were playing with something that could kill us. We'd had enough of death. We were all damaged enough. I wasn't sure how much more I could take.


	19. Keep Moving Forward

**Chapter Nineteen: Keep Moving Forward**

When I couldn't stand sitting any longer, I once again molded myself against his back. When I couldn't take that anymore, I stood and started to pace the dormitory. No one else had returned all day. I wasn't sure what that meant and as much trouble I was having being stationary, I was happy for the quiet. Though the quiet also left too much time to think. My mind kept moving through all the serums and genetic bullshit and how this place was just as bad as the city. Though I was slowly coming to terms with the fact that I was actually grateful that we were here. At least this way we could stop the same thing from happening to the other experiments and stop any new experiments from being started.

Running my fingers through my hair, I muttered to myself as I tried to clear my head, "Damn it all to hell." I whispered to myself.

"I can hear you thinking from over here." Eric told me, making me jump.

"Eric." I said and rushed to him as he swung his legs over the edge of the cot. I was about to throw myself at him when I abruptly stopped. "Can I proceed?" I asked him. "Or are you still sore?"

He laughed lightly, holding his hand out to me, "It's safe."

Trying to be gentle, I straddled his lap, taking his face in my hands, "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." He replied, making me frown at him. "You haven't kissed me yet so it's kinda hard to tell."

Grinning, I kissed him slow and deep. "I love you."

"And I love you, Pen."

"I'm glad you didn't die today." I told him. I didn't want to talk about it but I couldn't seem to stop myself either.

"Me too, baby." He said running his hands up and down my back. "But I could never leave you, Pen."

"Good. Because I'd never survive it."

"Me neither."

Kissing him repeatedly, I wrapped my arms around his neck, loving the taste and the feel of him. "You are my most favorite person."

He smiled and kissed me again. "Where is your second favorite person?"

"I'm not sure." I told him. "He was arrested and I haven't seen or heard anything since. Not from him at least. Tris was here. Turns out that Nita wasn't after the memory serum but the death serum. She wanted to kill important government people and start a war."

"Death serum?" He frowned. "Pen, I didn't know."

"I know you didn't." I replied. "But I really wish you had been with Four so you would have been arrested and not there for the wall explosion."

"But then I wouldn't have been there to protect you from it." He replied.

"I may not have been standing so close if I hadn't rushed to reach you." I retorted.

"So you're mad at me now?"

"No." I replied. "God, no. I was just so scared, Eric. It was too close this time. I thought it was bad before but this time…I never want to feel like that again."

"You won't." He told me. "We'll figure it out and we'll plan our next move more carefully."

"Promise?"

"Promise." He grinned. "Now let's go find Four."

"You should rest." I told him. "You've been through a lot."

He moved me from his lap, getting to his feet, "I've rested enough."

Feeling anxious, I stood as well, wrapping my arms around myself as I shifted back and forth. "This feels like Dauntless all over again." I told him softly, feeling emotion start to creep up.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"After Candor, our people tried to kill you twice." I went on.

He sighed and stepped up to me, gently rubbing my arms, "Pen."

"They tried to drown you and even then you were never concerned about what happened to you."

"Pen, baby, I'm okay." He told me as he slid his hands up to my neck, running his thumbs back and forth across my jawline.

Putting my hands against his chest, I stepped closer to him, "I know. But that doesn't change the fact that I was terrified for you. You nearly died and you brush it off like it's no big deal. It's a big deal, Eric."

He sighed again, pressing his forehead against mine, "What do you want me to do, Pen? Freak out and be a paranoid mess?"

"I'm not saying that." I replied as I wrapped my arms around him, pressing myself against his chest. "I just don't want you to be so nonchalant about it. I want you to acknowledge what would happen to me if you died. I want you to think about how you'd react if our roles had been reversed."

"Stop it." He frowned before putting his lips against my forehead.

"You would be a mess if something happened to me." I went on. "You'd keep me on the shortest leash possible so why can't you understand that the same is for me?"

"I do, baby." He smiled, running his fingers through my hair. "But that's not me. I brush it off because it turned out okay and we need to just keep moving forward. Nothing good comes from dwelling."

"I know." I replied rubbing his arms. "But if you had seen you all lifeless on the floor you'd be freaking out too."

"Remember, I have seen you pretty lifeless. More than once." He replied with a raised brow.

Looking at him, I offered a small smile, "We're being awfully depressing."

He smiled back, his arms moving around me, "I can remember a few other things that are much less depressing."

"Like?" I grinned up at him, tipping my head back.

He kissed me sweetly, moving his lips to my neck, "Like the spot in your neck that makes you tremble." His hand moved to my side. "If I squeeze just right you'll go weak in the knees." Grinning at him, I could feel my pulse start to race. "And here." He said gripping the back of my knee, making me squirm and jerk away from him. He scooped me up into his arms, holding me firmly against his chest. "I know everything about you, Pen. And getting to know you, waking up to you and falling asleep next to you, that's when I'm happiest. You saved me in more ways than one. I brush it off because I know that no matter what happens, I have you. And that's everything to me."

Kissing him deeply, I ran my hand over his hair, kissing him again. "You have become a hopeless romantic. It's kind of crazy how much you've changed."

"Believe me, I'm still the same Eric, I just show a different side is all. I can be just as bad as I was before."

Grinning, I gently bit his lip, "I know. And if we had our own room I'd let you show me just how bad you can be."

Kissing me passionately, I slipped my tongue into his mouth, loving the taste of him. Only then he put me back onto my feet. "Alright, let's go find Four."

"He said he'd find me if he was released before I went back to him." I stated.

"Then I guess we check there first." He nodded.

Putting his arm around me, we left, moving through the halls in search of our brother. Going to the hallway where he was being held, we found it empty. Backtracking, we were nearing the control room to see him walking toward us, his head bowed.

"Four." I called out to him.

His head shot up and there was a look of relief on his face. "Opie. Eric."

Rushing forward, I went to hug him but he ignored me, quickly pulling Eric into a tight embrace. My chest swelled at the sight of them. The loathing they used to share for each other had been replaced with respect and genuine liking for each other now. I loved it. Every last moment of it.

"You said you were going to find me." I stated when he had finally let Eric go.

"Sorry." He replied hugging me next. "I got distracted. They put me on a year parole for my role in what happened. I have to work for the good of the community. All my clearance for any of the private labs or rooms has been revoked. And I can't leave the compound without permission. On top of that I need to check in every month with some parole officer."

"You didn't know what was going to happen." I frowned. "How can they punish you?"

"Because I went along with it." He replied. "I got off easy. Nita is being shipped off to prison for the rest of her life."

"Jesus." I frowned.

"It serves her right." Eric added. "And they didn't say what was going to happen to me?"

"You were left out of it. As far as they know you were simply an innocent bystander. You're safe."

"Thank god." I said looking up at him. Both men gave me a look. "I'm sorry, Tobias, about what you have to go through. But I can't deny that I'm grateful that Eric is safe and uninvolved."

"I am too." Four smiled.

"What are you doing here?" Eric asked.

Four shook his head, shrugging, "I didn't know where else to go. I couldn't go back to the dormitory and I couldn't go to where the explosion took place, so I settled for here. It's not private so I can go into it."

Nodding, Eric put his hand on his shoulder, "Let's see what they got going on then."

They both wrapped an arm around the other's shoulders, walking through the door. For a split second I almost was jealous of Four. I was thrilled that they had bonded, but at the same time, it was almost surreal on the verge of being unsettling.

Stepping in, it's hard not to immediately look at all the screens in the room. Each one showing a different part of the city. Eric and Four moved off, talking softly to each other as their eyes dart from one screen to the next to the next. But I was only looking for one place. It was selfish of me considering how I left things, but I wanted to see my parents.

Finding Amity, I saw my mother in the fields with the others, harvesting like she had for most of her life. She wiped the sweat from her forehead, soil being smeared with it. She held a focused look on her face and yet I knew she was in pain. What was she thinking? What was she feeling? Did she still hate me?

Searching for my father, depression seeped in when I never found him. I missed my mother, but the thought of my father hating me was worse than if she did. Disappointing him was the one thing I never wanted to do. I know I had. I hoped he was okay. Looking at Eric, the depression faded, and I knew I had done what I had to do in the moment. I hoped there would be time to make amends but for now, I was still okay with the way things were.

"Pen."

"Tessa." I smiled moving toward her.

"What brings you here?"

"Men." I replied, glancing at Eric and Four.

She looked at them as well, her eyes looking at them from top to bottom. "If that's the kind of men that are in the city, I think I want to join the experiment."

Laughing, I nodded, "We definitely have a different breed of them where I come from."

"Don't take this the wrong way," She told me, "Eric is good looking and all, but Tobias…I'd like to see what he knows between the sheets."

Laughing again, I felt a blush rise in my cheeks. "I will admit their looks rival each other but Tobias doesn't have half of what Eric does."

"You've had them both?" She asked.

"What?" I shot at her. "No! Oh, god, no. Sorry. I've never slept with Tobias. He's a brother to me. But Eric's definitely the more experienced."

"So there were a few others before you?" She asked.

"Um." I frowned, her question sinking in. "Yeah, there were a few."

Her expression softened and she nodded, "He kinda got around before you?"

Feeling my shoulders sink, I nodded, "Basically. But that's in the past. He's all mine now. Just the way I want it."

She smiled at me fondly, "I get that. I'm the same way with Kyle. He had another girlfriend when I met him. But there was just something about him that I just couldn't ignore. After a while he seemed to sense it too. He broke up with her and we've been together ever since."

"It's nice, isn't it?" I smiled at her, before my eyes were on Eric, my imagination running away with me.

There was a small pause before she gave a short laugh, "You're imagining yourself ravaging him, aren't you?" A blush swiftly rose to my cheeks. She laughed, "I hope so, since I'm thinking about Kyle right now."

Laughing with her, I shook my head, my eyes once again moving to Eric. "You are not alone."

Laughing together, I followed her to her computer, talking as we watched the screen. She was gracious enough to flip through all the Amity cameras, letting me look for my father. When it seemed to be pointless, we moved on to Erudite, checking up on Evelyn. She wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary, but there was plenty of activity through the rest of headquarters. Soldiers, their arms covered in factionless armbands with weapons at their hips. They're exchanging quick conversations or handing off cans of food for dinner. My mind drifts back to my time with them, the passing of food, a habit that they were familiar with and yet it was still sad to me. I'd spent my entire life having all the necessities that life had to offer. They struggled for every meal. I did admire their perseverance, I simply hated them for their beliefs.

In the middle of a conversation, we both jerked our head toward one of the others who are monitoring the screens, her tone excited, "There he is."

"Who?" I asked Tessa.

"Pen." Four said with a stern voice.

"What is it?" I asked moving toward him and Eric. The screens were all starting to flip to the same camera. My eyes are searching for what everyone was looking at. Then I saw him. He was standing in front of the Hancock building. "Marcus."

He was near the front doors, checking his watch. He waiting for someone. Four touched the screen, turning on the sound. Hearing footsteps, Johanna came into view, my eyes grew wide, only it's not because of Johanna but because of who she's with. My father. Moving closer, I wanted to reach out and touch the screen but all eyes are now on them, waiting for them to start talking. Marcus held out his hand and both Johanna and my father ignored the gesture, making Marcus look the fool.

"I knew you stayed in the city." Johanna told him. "They're looking all over for you."

"It would have been smarter to leave the city." My father added.

More people are grouping around the screens to watch. Pressing closer to Eric, I still stared at my father. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Four doing the same. We both are intently watching our fathers. I already knew mine didn't like his and his was running low on allies.

"Have I done something to offend you?" Marcus asked Johanna as he glanced at my father. "I contacted you because I thought you were a friend."

My father laughed and Johanna shot him a look before focusing on Marcus again. "I thought you contacted me because you know I'm still the leader of the Allegiant, and you want an ally. And depending on what your aim is, I am still that, Marcus, but I think our friendship is over."

Marcus's eyebrows furrowed and my father took a step toward him, obviously protecting her. "I don't understand."

"I spoke to some of my Candor friends." Johanna told him. "They told me what your boy said when he was under truth serum. That nasty rumor Jeanine Matthews spread about you and your son…it was true, wasn't it?"

Marcus shook his head, "No, Tobias is –"

"Enough!" My father shot at him. "Don't bother denying it."

Johanna shut her eyes as if she didn't want to look at him. "Please. I have watched how your son behaves, how your wife behaves. I know what people who are stained with violence look like." She pushed her hair behind her ear. "We recognize our own."

Taking a sharp intake of air, I brought my fingers to my lips as I wrapped my arm around myself. Eric put his hand on my shoulder, pressing a kiss into my hair. Putting my hand over his, I leaned back against him.

"You can't possibly believe –" Marcus started, shaking his head. "I'm a disciplinarian, yes, but I only wanted what was best –"

"You do not hit your child!" My father bellowed at him, making me jump.

I could only assume he was thinking of the moment when he hit me. Seeing his reaction was actually kind of nice. He was guilt ridden and there was a sense of satisfaction in that.

"Patrick." Johanna told him gently. Then her eyes were on Marcus again. "A husband should not discipline his wife. Not even in Abnegation. And as for your son…well, let us say that I do believe it of you."

Both Eric and I put a hand on Four, offering all the comfort we could right now. More than that, we now knew that Johanna herself had experienced abuse. I remember asking her how she had gotten her scar, but she always gave vague answers or simply lied about it.

Looking at Four, he's staring at his father, waiting to see what he would do. And right now he's just standing there looking confused. As if he still believed that what he did was right. The thought made anger start to boil and I wrapped my arm around him.

"Now that I've been honest," Johanna told him, her tone more calm now, "you can tell me why you asked me to come here."

Marcus shifted to a new subject so fast it was as if the previous conversation had never taken place. I watch my father scoff and shake his head, averting his eyes from Marcus. He's clearly disgusted with him and I wonder if it's at Marcus's indifference to the abuse of his family, or if it's simply everything that's going on right now. Nodding, agreeing with him from afar, the other's in the room move the camera closer so that the Hancock building is simply the backdrop behind Marcus and Johanna's chests. Staring at my father, I feel Four's eyes and see him avoiding the screen.

Rubbing his arm, I placed a quick kiss against his cheek. "It's okay." He nodded but didn't say anything. Feeling a hand against my hair, I smiled up at Eric, receiving one in return as he pressed a kiss against my forehead.

"Evelyn and the factionless are tyrants." Marcus stated. "The peace we experienced among the factions, before Jeanine's first attack, can be restored, I'm sure of it. And I want to try to restore it. I think this is something you want too."

"It is." Johanna replied. "How do you think we should go about it?"

"This is the part you might not like, but I hope you will keep an open mind." He told her, pausing before going on. "Evelyn controls the city because she controls the weapons. If we take those weapons away, she won't have nearly as much power, and she can be challenged."

Johanna nodded, and scraped her shoe against the pavement. For a moment I felt nostalgic for my former faction representative. She had been nothing but good to me and I had thrown all that in her face. We'd made amends since then but there was still a measure of guilt. Guilt for all those we left behind. Finding myself staring at her, I can only see the smooth side of her face, the limp but curled hair, her full mouth. She was strong. She was one of the first people to teach me about strength and how to be kind at the same time.

"What would you like me to do?" She asked him.

"Let me join you in leading the Allegiant." Marcus replied.

My father laughed and took a step forward, "I don't think so."

"I was an Abnegation leader." Marcus went on, meeting my father's eyes. "I was practically the leader of this entire city. People will rally behind me."

"We don't need you to rally support." My father shot at him.

"He's right. People have rallied already." Johanna pointed out. "And not behind a person, but behind the desire to reinstate the factions. Who says I need you?"

"Not to diminish your accomplishments, but the Allegiant are still too insignificant to be any more than a small uprising."

"We'll see." My father told him.

"There are more factionless than any of us knew. You do need me. You know it."

I watch my father look at Johanna, seeing his chest deflate just a little. He'd made a point. My father nor Johanna could deny that. The factionless had grown to unimaginable numbers. They'd been growing for years and we had no idea. No one did. So now that they are attempting to take over the city, it was going to take more than a small uprising to take control of them. Feeling anxious, they were going to trust him. They were going to let him join them in their cause. It took all of me not to lunge at the screen, screaming at my father to not listen to him. That it was all a manipulation for him to meet his own ends. They didn't need him.

When Johanna spoke next, her words were careful. She didn't trust him but at the same time it was clear that she thought she needed him. "Can you promise me that you will, wherever possible, try to limit the destruction we will cause?"

Marcus replied quickly, "Of course."

She nodded again, but this time it looked like she's nodding to herself. Then she looked at my father and I can see the anger in his expression. He paced away from her, his steps heavy but I can no longer see him.

"Sometimes we need to fight for peace." Johanna told Marcus, though she's no longer looking at him. "I think this is one of those times. And I do think you would be useful for people to rally behind."

"Don't." The word is past my lips before I can stop myself.

"It's okay." Four whispered, his hand finding my shoulder.

I shook my head as I continued to watch them. The Allegiant rebellion was about to begin and my father was Johanna's right hand man. What did that even mean? What was he doing? What was he going to do? Sighing, I turned to Four only to have him push past me and toward the door. Eric nodded and we followed, practically running into him as he stopped to look at another screen. Frowning, I sighed again, recognizing it as the Evelyn cam. She looks upset. I hated when she was upset. It made me feel for her and I didn't want to feel for her. She pushed her hands into her hair, clenching her fingers around the thick locks. Dropping to a crouch, papers are littering the floor all around her as if she had swiped them off the desk. She crying. Taking an involuntary step toward the screen, I stopped myself, wrapping my arms around myself.

Then there's a knock on the door and she straightened, wiping her face, and replied, "Come in!"

One of her soldiers walked in, her factionless armband askew. "Just got an update from the patrols. They say they haven't seen any sign of him."

"Great." Evelyn said shaking her head. "I exile him, and he stays inside the city. He must be doing this just to spite me."

"Or he's joined the Allegiant, and they're harboring him." The soldier told her, slinging her body across one of the office chairs. She twisted paper into the floor with her boot soles.

Frowning, I had an irrational need to know who she was and why Evelyn was letting her be so nonchalant with her. She was usually treated with far more respect than this.

"Well, obviously." Evelyn put her arm against the window and leaned into it, looking out over the city and beyond it where the marsh is. "Thank you for the update."

"We'll find him. He can't have gone far. I swear we'll find him."

"I just want him to be gone." Evelyn replied, her voice tight and small, like a child's. I didn't blame her. If I were her I'd want him gone too.

"I know." The soldier told her and left.

The room she was in was quiet. I was ready to leave, gently pushing against Four only to have him stay firm. "We should go."

"I'm gonna stay awhile." He replied as he watched his mother.

Watching him, there was something about his expression that had me worried. "Tobias, everything is going to be okay. I know your relationship with your parents sucks right now. But you aren't doing yourself any favors by watching them."

He turned and looked at me, offering a small smile, "I'll be okay."

Sighing, I kissed his cheek before looking at Eric. He put his hand on Four's shoulder before he followed me from the room. His hand found my waist and he pressed a kiss into my hair. Smiling, I wrapped my arm around him, leaning my head against his chest.

Thinking we were going back to the dormitory, Eric led us toward the atrium. The trees and plants brought on an almost instant calm. There was something about the smell of earth and the green and the subtle movement of the leaves that calmed me. Having grown up around it, I guess it made sense. But I had tried so hard to be Dauntless that I hadn't realized the things I missed or what affect they would still have on me. Even here I connected with Amity and yet fought like Dauntless. Feeling confused, I walked to the nearest plant, rubbing a leaf between my fingers.

"What are you thinking?" Eric asked as he stepped up behind me, putting his hands on my arms.

"I don't know." I replied. "There are so many things going through my head that I don't even know where to start."

"Then pick one and we'll go through them all." He replied.

Turning in his arms, I brought my hands to his sides, "What are you thinking?"

He smiled and kissed me softly. "I asked you first."

"What are we going to do? They have a death serum that the GDs and GD sympathizers want so they can start another war. Four's parents are on both sides of the mess inside the city and now my own father is the right hand to the leader of the Allegiant. My mother looks depressed. I miss Claude. You nearly died. And I'm…I'm so tired of all this crap. Uriah might die. These people want to wipe the memory of everyone in the city. I don't know which to start with or where to even begin to wrap my head around all these. Most of all the part with you almost dying. I'm not sure I've reacted enough to that and I feel like I need to breakdown or scream or – I don't know – die myself before I can feel remotely put together again."

He smiled and kissed me again, pulling me against his chest. "First off, you're not allowed to die. Not even for a minute. And second of all, I know this whole thing sucks but we'll figure it out. I don't know what move to make next but we'll make it together."

I nodded, taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, "Okay."

"You don't sound convinced." He told me with furrowed brows.

Taking his head in my hands I kissed him deeply and repeatedly. Lifting me into his arms, I wrapped my legs around him. Keeping one hand on his face, I brought my other to the back of his head, deepening the kiss until we couldn't breathe. Breathing heavily, our mouths open against each other's; he felt strong against me, his arms holding me firmly in place. If I didn't know what happened to him then I would think that nothing had. But my hand felt the wound scabbing against the side of his head. I could see the cuts and bruises. But he was okay. He was stronger than any man I knew and I felt like I wasn't giving him enough credit.

"Better?" He asked.

Kissing him once more, slowly slipping my tongue into his mouth, I kept his eyes, feeling a shudder go through me. "I'm always better when you're here."

He laughed and kissed me again, his hand finding my neck as the other held me up. "Can we just not go back to the dormitory?"

"If you keep kissing me like that then I'll agree to anything." I told him before licking his bottom lip.

He grinned mischievously, teasing me as he brushed his lips against mine, not letting me close the distance. I grinned back at him, bringing my lips to his neck as I reached my hand down, gripping the top of his pants. Then he was kissing me again, moaning with pleasure as the heat started to rise between us.

"You're supposed to be taking it easy." I told him, running my hand across his hair.

"I can't think of a better way to feel relaxed." He replied as he trailed kisses along my jaw and down my neck. "Wouldn't you agree?"

Lowering my head to meet his lips again, I couldn't kiss him enough, "Shut up and just kiss me."

He laughed lightly but did as he was told. Moving as deep into the room as we could, he lowered us to the ground, his back against the wall. Undoing both our pants, he wrapped one arm around me, supporting me as he shifted, resting me against the floor. It was cold against my back, but only for a moment. His lips found mine again, making my body heat up as he slowly undressed me. Doing the same, I couldn't help but shudder as my hands slid across his bare chest, running them to his neck and down his arms. Reaching down, I pushed his pants down, doing the same with my own, rubbing against him with my hips, legs, and feet until both pairs were kicked away from us. He ran his fingers through my hair before sliding them down the side of my face. He trailed his fingers across my collarbone then down my chest until they reached the barbell. His other hand slid down my side and across my thigh. The gentleness of his touch made me shudder and filled me with such emotion I couldn't touch him enough. The feeling of his hands, the euphoria that his lips sent through me, every part of him filled every part of me, making everything else fall away. Things were so messed up right now. But we were still perfect. Perfect in our imperfections and madly in love with each other. Even if everything else fell apart, I knew I'd still have him and he would still have me. At this point it felt like it was all we had going for us. Not that I was complaining. In just a matter of minutes there was only us and the passion we had for each other.

Just the way I wanted it.

* * *

 **So sorry that this is late to be posted! Life gets in the way sometimes. But here it is! Enjoy! Love to all!**


	20. To Know Your Enemy

**Chapter Twenty: To Know Your Enemy**

The night seemed to last forever. It was one long moment of pure bliss. If it had lasted forever I wouldn't have complained, and neither would Eric. It had been a long time since we had gone so long and so hard, trying new things as we re-memorized each other's bodies. I thought I knew everything about him, but even now there were things to learn. Something I would never get sick of doing.

"Hey. Wake up."

Vaguely registering the voice, I nestled closer to Eric's side.

"Opie."

Opie.

Four.

My eyes shot open and I scrambled to find a piece of clothing large enough to cover me. "Eric."

He stirred, stretching, starting a little at the sight of Four before he offered him a shit grin. "Morning, brother."

"Eric." I repeated. He rolled over, propping himself up on his elbow. "Eric." I frowned, throwing my shirt over his waist to cover him up while I pressed against his back. "What can we do for you?" I asked Four.

He tried to keep a straight face but then he grinned, holding up my underwear with one finger. "I found these nearly halfway across the room."

"Eric." I said starting to slap the back of his shoulder.

He chuckled, leaning forward and took my panties from our brother's finger. "I guess she wants those back."

Both laughed while I felt like my face was going to melt from blushing so hard. "Tobias." I glared at him.

"I just came here for a bit of an escape. I guess you guys did too." He replied.

Eric nodded at him, "We did. Good thing you didn't want to escape last night. Otherwise you'd have seen far more than you wanted to."

Four shook his head. "You two never disappoint."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I frowned at him, wrapping my arm around Eric's chest. If he was going to see any of me it was going to be my ass.

He just smiled at me, "Nothing negative. I only mean that you two are always yourselves. I never have to wonder what you're thinking. No matter what happens you both still revolve around each other."

At first I smiled at the compliment, but then a somber expression crossed his face. "Tobias?" I said gently.

"It's nothing." He replied.

"She might be mad at you but she'll come around." Eric told him. "You two are more like us then you think. Just in different ways. But it's there."

"I don't even know where we stand." Four replied.

"You stand together." Eric stated. "No matter what happens you both will stand together."

There was a moment's pause before I broke it. "I'd love to have this conversation, but can we do it with clothes on please?"

Eric took my hand in his, pressing a kiss against the palm of it, "I like you better naked."

Grinning, I pressed a long kiss against the tattoo on his back. "Me too, baby. But not while our brother is watching us." He smiled and my heart started to race. "What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed." He stated as he got to his feet.

For the briefest of moments, Four and I looked at each other, then I was yelling, "Turn around!" He quickly averted his eyes. "Not nice." I said slapping Eric's still bare ass.

He frowned but laughed at me, "None of that or you'll end up on the floor again."

"Jesus." I scowled as I scrambled for my clothes while he laughed at me.

When my clothes were all on, I looked to Eric who was taking his sweet time, letting me ogle his muscles as he put his shirt back on. Sighing, I stepped up to him, bringing my hands to his sides as I leaned into him.

"You're horrible."

He gently took my face in his hands, "And you love it."

"I do. But that's because I love you."

Smiling, he kissed me slowly, deepening it as his arm moved around me. "Good. Because you're never getting rid of me."

"Good."

"Good."

"I love you."

"I love you more." He said and was kissing me again.

"I take it we're not talking about me anymore?" Four's voice interrupted.

We both stopped mid-kiss and looked at him. "Sorry." I told him, stepping up to him. "Now that I'm fully clothed you have my undivided attention. What have you two talked about?"

"Nothing much." He replied softly.

"Then why are you so upset?"

"I have no idea where we stand. I don't even know if we're still together." He told me. Grinning, I brought my hand to his face. "Why are you smiling at me like that?"

"Because it would seem like our roles are somewhat reversed."

He just looked at me a moment before frowning. "We are not nearly as back and forth as you two were."

"No." I replied. "But now you have a little bit of an idea what we went through."

He sighed and pulled me against him. "Yeah. Sorry."

"Don't be. It feels like that was forever ago." I told him. "I'm just saying that I know what you might be feeling and I am here for you."

"You and Tris have been closer than ever lately. Playing both sides doesn't always go well." He replied.

Sighing, I let him go, "It's not playing both sides. It's called supporting my family. And Tris and I see eye to eye on more than me and you right now. But when it comes to your happiness I only have you in mind. Okay?"

"And not Tris's?" He frowned.

"Hers too." I replied. "You two will be fine. Things are just so screwed up right now, but you will be fine."

"She really does care about you, you know." He told me.

"I know." I smiled. "And I care about her. I think I love her."

He laughed and pulled me against him again. "She loves you too."

"Yeah, yeah, lots of love." Eric said and pulled me away from Four, slamming my back against his chest as his arms wrapped around me.

Four laughed and shook his head at us, "Always jealous."

"I can't help it." Eric replied as he put his chin on my shoulder.

Smiling, I brought my hand to the back of his head, pressing a kiss against his temple. "I don't mind."

"That's because you get just as jealous." Four stated.

"Like he said." I smiled. "I can't help it."

We all laughed, only then there were steps and Cara came running into the room. "There you are. It is frighteningly easy to lose people in this place."

"What is it?" Four asked her.

"Well—are you all right, Four?" She asked seeing his expression.

I watched him bite down on his lip. Putting my hand on his shoulder, I stepped in front of him. "Everything's fine, Cara. What can we do for you?"

"We're having a meeting." She told me before her eyes were on Four. "And your presence is required."

"Who is 'we,' exactly?" Four asked.

"GDs and GD sympathizers who don't want to let the Bureau get away with certain things." She replied, cocking her head to the side. "But better planners than the last ones you fell in with."

We all looked at each other before Four looked at her, "You know about the attack simulation?"

"Better still, I recognized the simulation serum in the microscope when Tris showed it to me." She replied. "Yes, I know."

We all exchanged another look before Four shook his head. "Well, I'm not getting involved in this again."

"And neither are we." Eric told her, putting a protective arm around me.

"Don't be a fool." She told us. "The truth you heard is still true. These people are still responsible for the deaths of most of the Abnegation and the mental enslavement of the Dauntless and the utter destruction of our way of life, and something has to be done about them."

Eric put his lips into my hair, sighing heavily. Looking at Four, even he knows that she's right. Only this would mean he'd have to face Tris and something told me that he wasn't ready for that. But something did have to be done.

Cara took Four's hand and attempted to lead him from the room, only I swiftly stepped up to them, taking his hand from hers and holding it tightly in mine. She gave me a look but didn't say anything. Raising a brow at Four, he nodded as he wrapped his arm around me, pressing a kiss into my hair.

As soon as we're out in the hall, I let his hand go, moving to Eric's side. Slipping my hand into his, he laced our fingers, holding it tightly as we continued to follow her. She kept glancing at us, making sure we were following her. Four fell in step with her, leaving Eric and me just a few paces behind them.

"It's still strange not to see you in blue." Four told her.

"It's time to let all that go, I think." She replied.

"And seeing you in the same colors as your hair." Eric told me softly.

"I liked it." I smiled up at him. "Skirts and sandals."

"No." He replied and spun me in front of him, his lips against my neck as he forced me to walk backward.

Laughing, I stopped as we felt both their eyes on us. I just shrugged at Four. He was the one who was just complimenting us on not changing.

"Even if I could go back, I wouldn't want to, at this point." Cara went on.

"You don't miss the factions?"

"I do, actually." She replied and looked at him. "I thrived in Erudite. So many people devoted to discovery and innovation – it was lovely. But now that I know how large the world is…well. I suppose I have grown too large for my faction, as a consequence." She frowned. "I'm sorry, was that arrogant?"

"Who cares?" Eric retorted from behind her.

"Some people do." She replied, looking at him. "It's nice to know you aren't one of them. That none of you are."

"Same." I smiled at her. "And I miss the factions too."

"You do?" Eric asked looking down at me.

I nodded, "Yeah, I do. I liked the structure and knowing what I was doing every day. I liked my jobs."

"Yeah, but we weren't as together then as we are now." He frowned.

"We would have been eventually."

"You'd still be hunted."

"And you would have saved me." I smiled.

He smirked, scoffed, and pulled me tighter against his side.

As we walked, we passed several people, and I couldn't help but notice that some were frowning or glaring at Four. Some going as far as moving further away from him to avoid him. Running my hand down his back, I felt the need to comfort him as best I could, knowing that he would be taking it to heart. He had betrayed everyone. But he would make it right. I didn't want to say it but I couldn't help but think how it seemed like Eric's and his roles had been reversed. At the beginning of all this, it was Eric who was the traitor who had to make it right. Now it was Four. I hated that this was happening to him, but at the same time, it would almost be nice for him to see what he put us through.

Almost.

"It's okay." I whispered to him. "They don't matter."

"She's right." Cara added. "Ignore them. They don't know what it is to make a difficult decision."

"You wouldn't have done it, I bet." Four stated as he took my hand. Eric let me go, letting me move to Four's side, hugging his arm to my chest.

"That is only because I have been taught to be cautious when I don't know all the information, and you have been taught that risks can produce great rewards." Care replied. "Or, in this case, no rewards."

We stopped at the door to the lads that Matthew and his supervisor used. She looked at us all before knocking. It took only a few seconds for the door to open, seeing Matthew take a bite out of an apple. Taking a deep breath, my hand once again found Eric's as we followed her into the room.

"Pen." Tris said making me meet her eyes.

"Hey." I said swiftly moving to her, hugging her briefly, before Christina who was standing next to her.

"What are you doing with him?" Christina asked as she looked at Four with a disgusted expression.

"He's my brother, Christina." I told her. She sighed but nodded. Then my eyes were on the others in the room. "Looking good, Caleb." I grinned at her brother, getting a sigh and frown from Hazel. I just smiled and shrugged, enjoying Caleb's heavily bruised face.

"You look good, Pen." Christina stated.

I couldn't help but grin at her, "Thank you. I feel good." Looking at Eric and Four, Four is practically staring at Tris and she isn't giving him the time of day. "What happened, Tris?" I asked her.

"We had a fight." She replied.

Sighing, I nodded, knowing it was more than that. But now wasn't the time to talk about it.

"I think that's everyone." Matthew stated. "Okay…so…um. Tris, I suck at this."

"You do, actually." She told him with a grin. My eyes shifted to Four and I can see the jealousy flare in his eyes. Eric must have as well since he leaned over and whispered something into his ear. "So, we know that these people are responsible for the attack on Abnegation, and that they can't be trusted to safeguard our city any longer. We know that we want to do something about it, and that the previous attempt to do something was…" She paused, her eyes drifting to Four's. A chill ran through me as I watched them. "Ill-advised." She finished. "We can do better."

"What do you propose?" Cara asked.

"All I know right now is that I want to expose them for what they are." Tris replied. "The entire compound can't possibly know what their leaders have done, and I think we should show them. Maybe then they'll elect new leaders, ones who won't treat the people inside the experiments as expendable. I thought, maybe a widespread truth serum 'infection,' so to speak –"

"Tris. What?" I interrupted. I remembered the weight of the truth serum. It wasn't a good feeling.

"Won't work." Four told her. "They're GPs, remember? GPs can resist truth serum."

"That's not necessarily true." Matthew stated, pinching the string that was around his neck, twisting it. "We don't see that many Divergent resisting truth serum. Just Tris, in recent memory. The capacity for serum resistance seems to be higher in some people than others – take yourself, for example, Tobias. Or Pen. She's purer than Tris and even she hasn't shown the ability to affectively resist truth serum." Matthew shrugged. "Still, this is why I invited you, Caleb. You've worked on the serums before. You might know them as well as I do. Maybe we can develop a truth serum that is more difficult to resist."

"I don't want to do that kind of work anymore." Caleb replied. For a moment I actually wanted to smile at him. Baby steps.

"Oh, shut –" Tris started, but Matthew interrupted her.

"Please, Caleb?" He said with a gentle tone.

Caleb and Tris exchanged a look. I don't know what they're telling each other, but neither of them look happy. Though Tris seemed to win as Caleb sunk back against the countertop edge, resting the back of his head to the metal cabinets.

"Fine." Caleb finally said. "As long as you promise not to use this against me, Beatrice."

"Why would I?" Tris asked.

"I can help." Cara said, lifting a hand. "I've worked on serums too, as an Erudite."

"Great." Matthew clapped his hands together. "Meanwhile, Tris will be playing the spy."

"What about me?" Christina asked.

"I was hoping you and Tobias and Eric could get in with Reggie." Tris told her. "David wouldn't tell me about the backup security measures in the Weapons Lab, but Nita can't have been the only one who knew about them."

"You want me to get in with the guy who set off the explosives that put Uriah in a coma?" Christina frowned at her.

"You don't have be friends, you just need to talk to him about what he knows. Tobias can help you."

"I don't need Four; I can do it myself." Christina stated.

She shifted on the exam table she was sitting on, tearing the paper beneath her with her thigh, and shot four a glare. Four had a part to play in what happened. Uriah mattered to her and she blamed Four for what happened. I understood that and even on a small level agreed with her. Eric had nearly died. I had been hurt. I got it. But we were still family and we needed to stick together.

"You do need me, actually, because he already trusts me." Tobias told her. "And those people are very secretive, which means this will require subtlety."

"I can be subtle." Christina shot back at him.

"No, you can't."

"He's got a point…" Tris sang with a smile.

Christina smacked her arm, and Tris smacked her back. Smiling, I shook my head at them. It was nice to see her having a happy moment.

"You never mentioned Pen." Eric frowned, interrupting the moment.

"Right." Matthew said and looked at Tris.

My eyes moved to her as well, waiting to hear my role in all this. "I want you with me. But if it doesn't work then you'll be with Eric."

"Shouldn't she be with me anyway?" He frowned. "Four is better than three. We can pair up and be more effective."

"Eric, I know you don't like doing things separately, but she's the only other one of us who is a GP. David will be more likely to trust her."

"It's okay, baby." I smiled at him. "I'll be fine."

"I know. That's not the issue." He frowned at me.

"Aww, he has separation anxiety." Christina grinned at him.

I laughed harder than I should have, getting a glare from my overly protective boyfriend. Fiancé. I had to remember that technically we were engaged. And after last night I was all for throwing the word around. Claiming my man.

"It's not funny." He frowned.

"I'm sorry." I said and moved to him. "But Tris is alone in her part so if I can help I'm going to." He sighed, putting his hands on my arms. "Listen, baby." I said softly. "I won't do anything reckless and I know that you'll be careful. You'll be with Four so I know you'll be protected."

"And you'll be the one who's protecting Tris. How is that keeping you safe?"

"Hey, I can protect myself." Tris told him.

Eric shot her a look. "I want you with me."

"I'm always with you." I smiled. "And Tris will protect me." He sighed but nodded.

"It's all settled, then." Matthew said. "I think we should meet again after Tris has been to the council meeting, which is on Friday. Come here at five."

"Council meeting?" I frowned.

"We can talk after." Tris nodded at me.

"Okay." I told her.

"We should talk." Four told her.

Eric and I looked at each other.

"Fine." She replied and the pair walk out into the hallway.

I know I shouldn't but I quietly moved closer to the door, wanting to listen to them. Eric said my name but I put my hand up. He moved behind me, both of us listening. Only everyone else started to leave, making it obvious that we were still inside the room. Sighing, Eric took my hand and pulled me from the room and down the hall. Wrapping my arm around him, I turned against his side as we walked. Looking up at him, he kissed me sweetly.

"I love you, Eric." I told him softly.

Gently shoving me against the wall, his lips found mine in a passionate kiss. Putting my hands on his neck, I trailed my thumbs back and forth across his jawline. My tongue slipped into his mouth, taking in his taste as he did the same. Running my hands how his chest, I wrapped my arms around him, hugging his shoulder blades as I pulled him flush against me. Keeping my grip against him, I met his eyes, staring into the blueness of them.

"I love you more than anything." I told him.

"I was going to say the same thing to you." He smiled, keeping my eyes as he kissed me again.

"Should we go back to the atrium?" I smiled.

He smiled, pressing harder against me, his lips finding my neck. Breathing hard, I slipped my hand under his shirt, pressing my lips against his shoulder, gently biting him through his shirt. In the next moment a throat cleared and we stopped. Eric pressed a kiss against my forehead before he leaned away from me. Keeping an arm around him, I smiled at Tris who had a shit grin on her face.

"I have to catch you up on a few things." She told me.

Nodding, I looked up at Eric, kissing him deeply before taking his hand in mine. He briefly played with my fingers, offering me as reassuring smile as he could muster.

"Guess our fun time is over." He said softly.

Putting my hand under his shirt, I rubbed his side, running my nails as I wrapped my arm around him, feeling him shudder. "We'll have fun again. As soon as we possibly can." I smiled up at him.

Smiling, his hand found my face, his touch making me never want to leave him. "I'll be impatiently waiting for it." Laughing lightly, I kissed him again. "Hurry up with her. I want plenty of time for you to fill me in before we make our next move."

"Can you promise me something?" I asked him. He nodded. "Can we at least sleep together tonight? Like actually sleep? Like your arms wrapped around me and mine around you?"

He smiled and kissed me deeply, "Promise."

"Pen." Tris said kindly.

"Yeah." I said kissing him repeatedly as I moved away from him. Sliding my fingers down his arm, we gripped each other's fingers until I was too far away to reach him. "Sorry." I told Tris.

"Hey, I understand." She told me. "Things have been happening. He nearly died. I can completely understand why you wouldn't want to be apart from him right now."

Nodding, I took a deep breath, fighting the urge to turn around. "I am so ready for this whole thing to be over."

"We're working on it." She told me.

"I know." I replied before I noticed the slight redness to her eyes. "How bad was it?" I asked her.

"It was bad enough." She replied.

Stopping, I put my hand on her arm, stopping her with me. "Tris, I'm your friend, your family, you can tell me."

"I know I can." She nodded. "But you're still okay with him right now. I'm not. I need time and I don't want to put you in the middle of it."

"I'm putting me in the middle of it. I am more than capable of being mad at him. I'm mad at him more often then I'd like to admit."

"What do you think about what he did?"

Sighing, I rubbed my palm with my thumb. "He was wrong. He knows he was wrong and he's sorry about the part he had to play."

"People were hurt, Pen. Uriah is probably going to die."

"And Eric did die and the only reason I didn't was because he saved me from the blast." I shot at her. "I could be angry with him and blame him and push him away, but he didn't know the whole story. He followed her blindly. Sound familiar?"

"Don't compare Eric to Tobias." She told me. "They are not the same."

"They're getting pretty close." I replied as I crossed my arms. "We're getting off track here."

"You asked."

"I know. And I'm on your side about it." I replied. "But he's Four. I can't just turn my back on him and you shouldn't either."

"I'm not. I just need a little time to move past it. It's kind of like when Eric killed Maggie."

"I get that." I told her. "I do. But with everything that has been going on I think we need to stick together. All of us. No matter what."

She sighed and nodded. "Me too. But I still need a little time."

"Okay." I told her.

Then she was smirking at me, "Besides, you and Eric are together enough for everyone."

Blushing, I started walking again, "Yeah, well, we've been through enough to have earned it. After Abnegation, Amity, Erudite, and now the Compound…I think we're allowed as much time as we can get."

"I'm not arguing with that." She told me.

"You and Tobias should be embracing it as well."

She sighed and nodded again, "I know."

"So, what did I miss?" I asked her.

"David summoned me into his office yesterday. I am to be a part of their council." She told me. "They want me to train to take a position on the council. Also…" She paused and smiled at me. "We're going to the fringe."

"What?" I frowned.

"My mother came from out there. And Tobias and Eric got their chance to go out there. I say we take ours."

Smiling, I nodded, "Okay."

"That's this afternoon. Let's get some food."

Going to the cafeteria, we sat and ate while Tris filled me in on everything that I'd been missing. Which wasn't a lot. She was David's new favorite. Four and her were at odds. She was easily becoming the leader of our own little Allegiant group on the outside. More power to her. I didn't want to lead anyone. All I wanted was to be with Eric. Everything else was just extra.

"There she is." Amar said as we approached the group. "Plus one."

"It's been decided that two is better than one. To make sure we all stay true to each other and everything." She replied.

He smiled and nodded, "I wasn't going to argue or ask. Hey, Pen."

"Hey." I smiled.

"Here, I'll get you two your vests."

"Vests?" I frowned.

"Bulletproof vest. The fringe is not all that safe." He replied. Reaching into a crate near the doors, he sifted through a stack of thick black vests, finding the right size. When he turned, he held too, smiling as he handed me mine. His smile faltered as he handed Tris hers. "Sorry, not much variety here. This will work just fine. Arms up."

I'm already into mine and I watched as he helped Tris into hers, tightening the straps at her sides. Then he turned to me, giving the same straps a tug to make sure they were tight enough. He smiled and I just smiled back. I was capable.

"I didn't know you would be here." Tris told him.

"Well, what did you think I did at the Bureau? Just wandered around cracking jokes?" He smiled. "They found a good use for my Dauntless expertise. I'm part of the security team. So is George. We usually just handle compound security, but any time anyone wants to go to the fringe, I volunteer."

"Talking about me?" George interjected. I had noticed him standing in the group by the doors but had been too afraid to say anything. "Pen." He smiled and pulled me into his arms.

"Georgie." I grinned, hugging him tightly.

"How are you?" He asked.

I smiled and nodded at him, "I'm good. How are you?"

"I'm good. Better." He replied. Then he looked at Tris. "Hi, Tris. I hope he's not saying anything bad."

He put his arm across Amar's shoulders, and they both grinned at each other. George does look better, but I knew that he was still grieving his sister. Something like that doesn't just go away with a good night's sleep. His smile isn't as big as it was the first time I saw him. The light doesn't reach his eyes. But the way he's looking at Amar, something clicked in my brain and I couldn't help but grin at the man. He furrowed his brows at me when he noticed, gently shoving my shoulder, making me laugh and avert my eyes.

"I was thinking we should give her a gun." Amar told him. "Well, them a gun." He added and glanced at us. "We don't normally give potential future council members weapons, because they have no clue how to use them, but it's pretty clear that you do."

"It's really all right." Tris told him. "I don't need –"

"No, you're probably a better shot than most of them." George stated. "We could use another Dauntless on board with us. Let me go grab a couple more."

Taking a deep breath, I felt a little anxious to be going to the Fringe. Even if we were perfectly capable of protecting ourselves and were being escorted by two of the most capable people from the Compound.

In just a few minutes we're armed and walking with Amar and George to the truck. Amar, Tris and I jumped in the far back. George and a woman named Ann got into the middle, and two older security officers, Jack and Violet, got in the front. The back of the truck is covered with a hard black material. The back doors look opaque and black from the outside, but from the inside they're transparent, so we can see where we're going.

Sitting closest to the door, I thought of Eric. Right about now he'd be lecturing me about being the first by the door, considering how anything could happen. Smiling, I loved his overprotectiveness and also loved fighting him on it. Gotta keep him on his toes.

Amar was behind me, then Tris and stacks of equipment that blocks the view from the front of the truck. George peers over the stacks and grinned at us when the truck starts. I grinned back, starting to feel a little excited about our little trip. Not only that but knowing that it wasn't a life and death mission made it more enjoyable.

We were all quiet as we watched the compound shrink and disappear. We drove through the gardens and outbuildings that surround it, and peeking out from behind the edge of the compound are the airplanes, white and stationary. I was still happy to never have been in one. Maybe I would if it weren't going anywhere. When we reached the gate, it opened for us, hearing Jack talking to the soldier at the outer fence. He was telling him our plans and the contents of the truck, and then we were moving again.

Thinking we were going to be spending the whole trip in silence, Tris finally broke it, "What's the purpose of this patrol? Beyond showing us how things work, I mean."

"We've always kept an eye on the fringe, which is the nearest genetically damaged area outside the compound." Amar told her. I frowned at his words but kept my eyes in the opposite direction of him. "Mostly just research, studying how the genetically damaged behave. But after the attack, David and the council decided we needed more extensive surveillance set up there so we can prevent an attack from happening again."

"Do they know why they were attacked? Do they even care?" I asked him.

"What?" He frowned at me.

"It's fine." Tris smiled at him before shooting me a glare.

Sighing, I kept my mouth shut, watching where we've been, seeing the same ruins we had when we left the city. I forgot how collapsed the buildings were, caving under their own weight, nature taking over, breaking through concrete.

"So you believe it all? All the stuff about genetic damage being the cause of…this?"

Okay, she was more tactful than I was. But all his old friends in the experiment were GDs. I was sure I was thinking the same thing as Tris. Could he really believe that they were damaged, and that there's something wrong with them?

"You don't?" Amar asked. "Or you?" He asked looking at me. "The way I see it, the earth has been around for a long, long time. Longer than we can imagine. And before the Purity War, no one had ever done this, right?" He waves his hand to indicate the world outside.

"I don't know." Tris replied. "I find it hard to believe that they didn't."

"Such a grim view of human nature you have." He stated. Neither of us said anything. "Anyway, if something like that had happened in our history, the Bureau would know about it."

"How do you know?" I frowned at him. "Before the Bureau existed, we have no idea what others have done. Just because it's not documented, doesn't mean nothing like this has been done before. Or they could just be keeping it from you."

"I get you're skeptical about everything, but I've been here long enough to know that they're not lying to us. Or keeping things from us."

"I don't buy it." I replied quietly.

For a while the truck was silent, the jiggling of the equipment and the engine were the only sounds around us. My eyes latched on to every building and new thing we saw, wondering what it had looked like before the war. But the longer we drove the more it all started to look the same. My imagination less engaged with my surroundings, turning inward to what we were doing here, what Eric was doing, what was going to happen next. All of it unknown.

"We're almost at the fringe." George called from the middle of the truck. "We're going to stop here and advance on foot. Everyone take some equipment and set it up – except Amar, who should just look after Tris and Pen. You guys are welcome to get out and have a look, but stay with Amar."

Feeling anxious again, I took a deep breath as the truck started to slow. I was ready for anything, but was hoping that this would be an uneventful experience. If something happened, I'd have to tell Eric about it and all he would do was get pissed and put me on the shortest leash possible. I got that this was serious but I could take care of myself.

When the truck stopped, Amar shoved the doors open. Holding his gun in one hand he motioned to me and Tris with the others. Meeting her eyes, I nodded, turning, and jumped out behind him.

Looking around, there are buildings, but they aren't as conspicuous as the makeshift homes, made of scrap metal and plastic tarps, piled up right next to one another like they are holding one another upright. Hearing laughter, I looked in the narrow aisles between them, seeing children chasing each other. There are few adults and both alike are selling things from trays, or carrying buckets of water, or cooking over open fires. It was sad. I didn't like it.

A young boy nearest to us turned and looked at us. I offered him a smile and a nod, only then he took off running, screaming, "Raid! Raid!"

"Don't worry about that." Amar told us. "They think we're soldiers. Sometimes they raid to transport the kids to orphanages."

"Wouldn't that better their lives? Why would they run scared?" I frowned as I watched others run from us as well.

Tris started to move down the aisles and I quickly followed her, staying close to watch her back. Most of the people have already fled inside their lean-tos with cardboard or more tarp. We can see them between the cracks in the walls, their houses not much more than a pile of food and supplies on one side and sleeping mats on the other. Frowning further, I couldn't help but wonder how they survived winter. Or what they used for a toilet.

"Do you ever help them?" Tris asked, Amar taking up the rear.

"We believe that the best way to help our world is to fix its genetic deficiencies." Amar replied. He was always so sure about his words. I was starting to wonder how many times he'd heard them in order to spew them so easily. "Feeding people is just putting a tiny bandage on a gaping wound. It might stop the bleeding for a while, but ultimately the wound will still be there."

"These are people. Genetically damaged or not, their lives mean something." I shot at him. "Ignoring them and watching them as they deteriorate doesn't help anyone." Looking at Tris, she's shaking her head, clearly as disgusted as I am. "And Four respects this guy?" I frowned at her. "Bullshit."

She was looking at Amar before she turned her head away, and I can see the tears in her eyes. "Let's go back to the truck."

"You all right?" He asked.

"She's fine." I replied for her. Letting him turn back first, I sighed and moved closer to Tris. "This isn't right."

"I think I understand my mother a little better now. She came from out here. She lived like this." She replied.

"No wonder she chose Abnegation."

"She took care of people and made sure the factionless were taken care of. She knew how wrong this was."

Sighing again, I put my hand against her shoulder, "You're a lot like your mother. Be proud."

"I am." She smiled.

Turning to follow Amar, we had barely gone ten steps where there was gunfire. And right after, a shout for help. Everyone around us scattered, but the voice was familiar. Running toward the sound if it, Amar was right behind me.

George.

Running down one of the aisles on the right, I moved through scrap-metal structures. Amar moved in front of me, racing faster than either me or Tris can go. He's out of sight in seconds and then everything went quiet, leaving us alone.

Tris moved against my back, both of us frantically looking around us. I felt sympathy for these people but I was smart enough to also be afraid of them. They had nothing more to lose and we were invading their home. They were like stray dogs, get too close and they would defend themselves.

Keeping my eyes in front of us, I could feel Tris behind me, only then she was pulled away from me. Spinning, she gripped my wrist and pulled me after her and whoever had grabbed her. Finding ourselves in an aluminum lean-to, everything is tinted blue from the tarp that covers the walls, insulating the structure against the cold. The floor is covered with plywood, and standing in front of us is a small, thin woman with a grubby face.

"What's going on?" I asked her, pulling Tris behind me.

"You don't want to be out there." She replied. "They'll lash out at anyone, no matter how young she is."

"They?" Tris asked.

"Lots of angry people here in the fringe." She stated. "Some people's anger makes them want to kill everyone they perceive as an enemy. Some people's makes them more constructive."

"Well, thank you for the help." Tris told her. "My name is Tris."

"Amy. Sit."

"We can't." I told her. "Our friends are out there. We need to help them." Thinking of George, we needed to leave sooner rather than later.

"Then you should wait until the hordes of people run to wherever your friends are, and then sneak up on them from behind."

Frowning, her advice was smart but unsettling.

Nodding, I watched Tris sink to the floor, appearing to try and relax. I couldn't pretend and there was no way I was sitting down when anything could happen. The vest it tight around me, making my chest feel like it couldn't expand enough. Taking to pacing in front of Tris, I kept my eyes on Amy. I appreciated her but I couldn't bring myself to trust her. Not yet. And she was just as on edge as I was, which didn't help anything. Running started to sound from outside, making me put myself between the tarp and Tris, watching Amy flick the corner of it aside so she could see what was happening.

"Eric was right." Tris told me.

Turning to her, I frowned, "What do you mean?"

"He said you'd be the one protecting me." She replied.

Smiling, I nodded before facing the tarp again, "I am the older and more capable one."

"I should have let you stay with him."

"You don't let me do anything, Tris." I replied, lifting the edge of the tarp just enough to see outside. "I am here because I agreed to be. I'm with you, Tris, so don't think that this is any way your fault."

"I'm not saying it's my fault. I'm just saying that if Eric had gotten his way, you'd be safe inside the compound right now."

"Do you really believe that it's safer?" I countered. "Out here is starting to feel more familiar. At least out here we know how to survive."

There was a long moment of silence before Amy broke it, "So you and your friends aren't soldiers. Which means you must be Genetic Welfare types, right?"

"No." Tris replied. "I mean, they are, but we're from the city. I mean, Chicago."

Amy's eyebrows rose as she looked at her, "Damn. Has it been disbanded?"

"Not yet."

"That's unfortunate."

"Unfortunate?" Tris frowned at her. "That's our home you're talking about, you know."

"Careful." I told her, meeting her eyes with a hard look.

She looked at me, swallowing before replying, "Well your home is perpetuating the belief that genetically damaged people need to be fixed – that they're damaged, period, which they – we – are not. So yes, it's unfortunate that the experiments still exist. I won't apologize for saying so."

Sighing, she had a point. It was all just one big genetic conspiracy. But it was still the place we called home. The people we care about – alive and dead – are from the city. We were just one small part of a much bigger world. These people understood that better than we did. They were far more affected by it then we realized.

The running outside had stopped and it had been minutes since anyone had passed by. "I think we're clear."

"It's time for you to go." Amy agreed, dropping the corner of the tarp. "They're probably in one of the meeting areas, northwest of here."

"Thank you." I told her.

"Again." Tris added.

She nodded at us and we ducked out of her makeshift home, the boards creaking beneath our feet. Keeping my gun raised, I assessed the alley before moving through the aisles, both of us moving as fast as we could. Everyone was still scattered, leaving no one to get in our way. Seeing George, I felt a small wave of relief, only then the alley opened up into a type of courtyard, and there's a tall, lanky boy who has a gun aimed him.

Immediately pissed, I didn't hesitate to move up behind him, taking in a small crowd of people that surrounded the boy with the gun. They had taken out the surveillance equipment, destroying it. George's eyes met mine and I nodded at him.

"Put the gun down." George told him.

"No!" The boy shot at him. He's anxious. He has no idea what he's doing. "Went to a lot of trouble to get this, not gonna give it to you now."

"Then just…let me go. You can keep it."

"Not until you tell us where you've been taking our people!" The boy yelled.

"We haven't taken any of your people." George replied. "We're not soldiers. We're just scientists."

"Yeah, right." The boy said. "A bulletproof vest? If that's not soldier shit, then I'm the richest kid in the States. Now tell me what I need to know!"

Tris touched my shoulder, getting a nod from me as she moved to stand behind one of the lean-tos, her gun pointing around the edge of it. Eric was going to kill me. Moving behind the boy with the gun, I moved through the crowd swiftly enough for them to not register who I was. When I was just inches away from him, I lifted my gun, taking aim at him.

"I suggest you do what the man asked." I told him. He spun, the gun spinning with him. "Try it and you'll be dead before you can squeeze the trigger." Those around us shifted to rush me. "Do it and he's dead. If you value him or each other in any way, I'd stay back. I will not hesitate to shoot him. And I'm not alone."

"I've got you in my sights." Tris shouted from where she was standing. "Leave now and we'll let you go."

"I'll shoot him!" The boy yelled back, turning his gun back toward George.

"Then we'll shoot you." I told him through clenched teeth.

"We're with the government, but we aren't soldiers. We don't know where your people are. If you let him go, we'll all leave quietly. If you kill him, I guarantee there will be soldiers here soon to arrest you, and they won't be as forgiving as we are." Tris told him.

I just grinned, "She may want the government to arrest you. But me? If you hurt him I'll drop you right here, right now. So I wouldn't pull the trigger if I were you."

"Pen." George said with worry.

The boy spun again, his gun aimed at me. "Maybe I'll shoot you."

I couldn't stop the laughter from spilling out of me. "You can try but if you shoot me then no one will be able to save you. And the person who comes after you will tear you to pieces while you're still breathing."

He faltered, only in the next second Amar emerged into the courtyard behind George, and someone in the crowd cried out, "There are more of them!"

Everyone scattered. The boy with the gun dove into the nearest aisle, leaving us all alone. For a second I wanted to rush after the boy, teach him who he was dealing with, but a hand found my arm and I looked up into George's face. I sighed and nodded at him, lowering my gun, rolling my shoulder as a small pain pulsed from the pressure I used to keep the gun in place. But I was pissed. I sympathized with these people but I would defend myself and the people I was with.

Amar wrapped his arms around George, and George thumped his back with a fist. Amar looked at Tris and then me, his face over George's shoulder. "Still don't think genetic damage is to blame for any of these troubles?"

"No." I retorted. "Tris."

Following her, I watched her look through the crack in the layered tarps. Sighing, I saw a little girl, crouching with her arms wrapping around her knees. She was terrified. Something had to have happened to make these people the way they are. It wasn't just genetic damage. This was learned behavior and the Compound was more than likely to blame for it.

"No." Tris finally replied. "I don't."

"This is their fault." I whispered to her. "This isn't genetics. This is learned."

"I know." She nodded.

"We need to go." I told her feeling incredibly anxious.

By the time we got back to the truck, Jack and Violet were setting up a surveillance camera that hadn't been stolen by people in the fringe. Violet was holding a screen with a long list of numbers on it, reading them to Jack, who programed them into his screen.

"Where have you guys been?" He asked.

"We were attacked." George replied. "We have to leave, now."

"Luckily, that's the last set of coordinates." Violet stated. "Let's get going."

Getting into the truck again, Amar drew the doors shut behind us. Double-checking the safety of my gun, I set it on the floor, Tris doing the same. It didn't seem right to be using it against these people. This was not what I had expected when I had woken up this morning. From the expression on Tris's face, she's thinking the same. I think we were both in shock about what we had seen.

"It's the Abnegation in you." Amar told her. "That makes you hate that place. I can tell."

"It's a lot of things in me." She told him.

I scoffed and laughed, shaking my head, "It's not just Abnegation. I'm a former Amity and I am right there with her."

"That means you're all about peace and neutrality."

"I'm not Amity anymore and both of those mean nothing to me." I shot back at him. "But those people still deserve better than what they've been given."

"It's true." Tris agreed. "It's not just Abnegation."

"I'm just saying that I noticed the same in Four, too. Abnegation produces deeply serious people. People who automatically see things like need." He told her. "I've noticed that when people switch to Dauntless, it creates some of the same types. Erudite who switch to Dauntless tend to turn cruel and brutal." My mind immediately moved to Eric and I wanted to hit him, right here, right now. "Candor who switch to Dauntless tend to become boisterous, fight-picking adrenaline junkies." That sounded a lot like Claude. "And Abnegation who switch to Dauntless become…I don't know, soldiers, I guess. Revolutionaries.

"That's what he could be, if he trusted himself more." He added. "If Four wasn't so plagued with self-doubt, he would be one hell of a leader, I think. I've always thought that."

"He's not the only one." I whispered.

Tris glanced at me before looking at Amar, "I think you're right. It's when he's a follower that he gets himself into trouble. Like with Nita. Or Evelyn."

Amar nodded but didn't say anything.

Silence filled the back of the truck, leaving plenty of time for the day's events to replay in my mind. I had been reckless and if – when – Eric found out, it was just going to end up in a fight. He would be right to be pissed. If he had done the same, I would be pissed. We needed to be careful and so far I'd been falling short of that.

But the Fringe bothered me. I didn't know what I was expecting, but the fringe was nothing like I had thought it to be. It was sad and hard to look at. Knowing how they were living while the rest of us were doing okay in the grand scheme of things. We had a place to sleep, a bathroom, three meals a day, and a roof over our heads. These people had nothing and were trying so hard just to survive. It sucked.

"So you and Tobias were good friends?" Tris asked Amar, breaking the silence.

"Is anyone good friends with him?" Amar shakes his head.

My head jerked toward him, frowning at the comment, "I am."

"She is." Tris confirmed.

"He's a brother to me." I replied looking out the window again.

"Good." Amar nodded. "I know he has trouble getting close to people. I gave him his nickname, though. I watched him face his fears and I saw how troubled he was, and I figured he could use a new life, so I started calling him 'Four.' But no, I wouldn't say we were good friends. Not as good as I wanted to be."

Frowning, I watched him lead his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He has a small smile on his lips. For some reason, I don't like the way he's talking about Four.

"Oh." Tris told him. "Did you…like him?" She asked.

"Now why would you ask that?" He asked her.

She shrugged, "Just the way you talk about him."

"I don't like him anymore, if that's what you're really asking." He replied. Tris's hand swiftly found my wrist, keeping me in my seat. "But yes, at one time I did, and it was clear that he did not return that particular sentiment, so I backed off." Amar went on. "I'd prefer it if you didn't say anything."

"To Tobias? Of course I won't." Tris replied. "Right, Pen?"

Amar opened his eyes and for a long moment he just looked at me.

"Pen?" Tris repeated.

"I'm not agreeing to anything." I told her. "He is one of the best men I know and I don't appreciate you talking about him like that." He just smiled at me. Scoffing, I shook my head before my eyes were on George. "But I'll stay quiet about your relationship with Georgie." I added getting a look from both Tris and Amar. "I know what that secret means."

"Thank you." Amar said softly. "You have to understand." He went on. "The Bureau is obsessed with procreation – with passing on genes. And George and I are both GPs, so any entanglement that can't produce a stronger genetic code…it's not encouraged, that's all."

"Ah." Tris nodded. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm not obsessed with producing strong genes." She smiled wryly.

"Thank you." He repeated.

Silence once again filled the truck, all of us watching the ruins turn into a blur as it picked up speed.

"I think you're good for Four, you know." Amar told her.

Looking at Tris, she staring at her hands. They weren't in a good place right now and to have the subject brought up wasn't doing anyone any favors. Not to mention that neither of us knew Amar very well. Opening my mouth to answer for her, she looked up at him.

"Oh?" She said through a thick throat.

"Yeah. I can see what you bring out in him. You don't know this because you've never experienced it, but Four without you is a much different person. He's… obsessive, explosive, insecure…"

"Obsessive?"

Sighing, I nodded, knowing how obsessive he could be. With fighting. With leaving. With his fear landscape. With his past. He was known for being slightly obsessive. And now that he mentioned it, he hadn't been as bad since he'd met Tris.

"What else do you call someone who repeatedly goes through his own fear landscape?"

"I don't know…determined." Tris replied and paused. "Brave."

"Yeah, sure. But also a little bit crazy, right? I mean, most Dauntless would rather leap into the chasm than keep going through their fear landscapes. There's bravery and then there's masochism, and the line got a little hazy with him."

"I'm familiar with the line." Tris replied.

"I know." Amar grinned. "Anyway, all I'm saying is, any time you mash two different people against each other, you'll get problems, but I can see that what you guys have is worthwhile, that's all."

Tris wrinkled her nose. "Mash people against each other, really?"

Amar pressed his palms together and twisted them back and forth, to illustrate. Tris laughed, but I knew something else was going through her as well. It was taking all of me not to lash out at both of them. Four was one of the most brave and amazing and selfless people I knew. He was something to admire. Did he make mistakes? Yes. But he was still a good man and just because he enjoyed going through his fear landscape didn't mean there was something wrong with him. He was my family and I'd stand behind him forever.


	21. Plans In Motion

**Chapter Twenty-one: Plans In Motion**

When we finally made it back to the Compound, a light snow was blowing across the road. A chill ran through my but it was early autumn and I knew that it would be gone by morning. That wasn't the point though, it was still snowing. I'd never been fond of snow. I hated being cold, making me long to be wrapped in Eric's arms, snuggled against him under the sheets. God I wanted nothing more than to be with him right now. I was annoyed and overwhelmed. I needed him to anchor me down and work it through with me.

As soon as we were out of the truck, Tris handed over her vest and weapon. I was fine giving up the heavy vest, but part of me would feel more secure with a weapon around. With everything that was happening, I felt it advantageous to be prepared for anything. The soldiers of the compound would be armed. If we stood a chance against them then we needed more than what we had.

"You okay?" Tris asked as we walked toward the dormitory.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Just…thinking."

She sighed, letting silence fall before she finally broke it, "Don't take what Amar said to heart. About Tobias."

"Why not?" I frowned at her. "He hates Four for what he did. I get that. But at the same time, he doesn't know him anymore. He doesn't know how kind and gentle and strong and brave Four is. He is so much more than Amar is giving him credit for. He's not perfect. He makes mistakes. But he is still worthwhile."

"I know." She smiled at me. "Believe me, I know."

Nodding at her, I took a deep settling breath. "I know you know, Tris. But you didn't defend him either."

"We're on the verge of breaking up. I didn't feel it necessary to tell him all my problems after he said how good I am for him." She replied.

"Still." I frowned.

"I'm not like you." She frowned back at me. "Defending Eric is second nature to you. Someone threatens him and you turn into the scariest thing on the planet. They try and talk bad about him and you attack without pausing."

"He's everything to me." I told her gently. "And after how we started and everything that has happened since, I'd do anything for him."

"I know you would." She smiled. "And he'd do anything for you."

Nodding, I smiled at her, "He would. But we're also each other's weakness. Which is probably why I attack first and ask questions later. I don't want to give anyone the opportunity to take him from me."

"Neither do I." She smiled.

Reaching the dormitory, I rushed forward, eager to see Eric. Opening the door, I scanned it, only he wasn't here. Frowning, Four wasn't here and neither was Christina. Hazel, Caleb, and Peter were the only ones here. None of which I wanted to see right now.

"Where's Eric?" I asked, stepping toward Hazel.

Hazel swiftly tucked something away, making me swiftly move to her, pulling out the tablet that held our parents files. Frowning, I handed it back to her gently, nodding at her. Caleb was holding one identical to hers. Peter glanced up at me before he returned to his book, scribbling notes on a nearby notepad.

"Have any of you seen…?" Tris asked.

"Four?" Caleb finished for her. "I saw him in the genealogy room earlier. Eric was with him."

"The…what room?"

"They have our ancestors' names on display in a room. Can I get a piece of paper?" He asked Peter. Peter tore a sheet of paper from the back of the notepad, handing it to Caleb. Crossing my arms, I watched him scribble directions down onto it. "I found our parents' names there earlier. On the right side of the room, second panel from the door."

"Ours too." Hazel smiled at me. "Just down the left of theirs."

"Okay." I told her, forcing a smile.

Caleb handed the paper to Tris, looking at her. Tris looked at the paper, touching her brother's handwriting. Nudging her, I wanted to get to Eric as soon as possible. I'd been away from him all day and was ready to be with him.

"Thank you." Tris told him. "Um…how's your nose?"

"It's fine." He told her. "I think the bruise really brings out my eyes, don't you?"

The siblings are smiling at each other, making me glance at Hazel. She smiled at me nervously, getting a brow raise and a nod from me. We might be on better terms, but I was too on edge on the verge of grumpiness to care right now.

"Wait, you two were gone today, right?" He added after a second. "Something's happening in the city."

"What's happening?" I frowned, taking a step toward him.

"The Allegiant rose up against Evelyn, attacked one of her weapons storehouses."

"They've finally acted?" I asked.

"The Allegiant?" Tris asked. "The people currently led by Johanna Reyes…attacked a storehouse?"

"That means they're moving their plans forward." I stated looking at Tris. "What does that mean?"

"Led by Johanna Reyes, Patrick Farrier, and Marcus Eaton." Caleb stated. "But Johanna was there, holding a gun. It was ludicrous. The Bureau people seemed really disturbed by it."

"Is everyone okay?" I asked.

"Dad's fine." Hazel told me.

I nodded at her, "Okay. Good."

"Wow." Tris said shaking her head. "I guess it was just a matter of time."

"Let's go." I told Tris, turning toward the door.

There was a small moment of silence before her steps started to follow me. Moving into the hallway, we paused long enough to look at the directions, and then we were moving again.

Practically jogging down the hall, Tris put her hand on my arm to slow me. We didn't have to be in a hurry. Though part of me thought that was because she didn't want to get there any faster than she had to. She was going to face Four and knowing that they weren't on the best of terms made me slow, take a deep breath, and just try to relax. But my mind and body was still ready to react to anything that could possibly happen.

When the room finally came into view, able to see the bronze walls, with warm light reflecting off of them. Tris reached the doorway first, stopping and standing there, watching as Four ran his fingers along the wall, assuming it was his family tree. Though his mind was clearly somewhere else. Eric was standing just down the way from him, his arms crossed as he frowned at the wall.

Pushing past Tris, I swiftly moved forward, "Eric."

He turned and I could see his face relax, "Pen." Wrapping my arms around his neck, I buried my face against it. "Hey, baby."

"I missed you." I told him, running my hand down the back of his head.

"You okay?" He asked as he let me go.

Taking his hands in mine, I met his eyes, "We went to the fringe and it wasn't what I had expected."

"What happened?"

"They almost killed George. They have been taught to be afraid of us. They're dirty and lonely and afraid. They are struggling to survive while we're here being offered everything we could ever need."

"If we agree with what they believe." He told me with a raised brow.

I nodded, "We're still better off. Only I almost would rather be out there."

"No, baby." He told me. "Out there is completely unpredictable. At least here we have an idea of what to expect." Nodding again, I took a deep breath. "Did something else happen?"

Swallowing hard, I nodded, "I may or may not have willingly and knowingly put myself in a situation where something may or may not have happened that could have –"

"Pen." He frowned hard, interrupting me, his hand gripping my wrist painfully.

"I charged into a group of them who had every intention of killing George. They had a gun. I was outnumbered. They threatened to kill me." I told him quickly. He let me go, pacing away as he dragged his hand down his face. "But I'm fine." I told him. "Eric, I'm fine."

"This is why I didn't want you with her." He shot at me but was pointing at Tris.

"Eric." Four frowned at him, his arms around Tris. It looked like they had made amends.

"Did she tell you what happened?" Eric asked.

Four's frown deepened, "She doesn't have to. Neither does Pen. You know just as well as I do that both of these women will do what they have to do to protect the people they care about." He paused before a smirk crossed his face. "We also know that no one can tell them what to do."

Eric frowned harder but didn't say anything, continuing to pace.

"It wasn't that bad." Tris told him. "I had her back the whole time. If they tried anything, I would have taken them down. And she put the fear of god into them all on her own."

He looked at me, I simply smiled at him, "I threatened them with you."

He scoffed but a smirk crossed his face as he shook his head, "Of course you did."

"You're scary when you're angry." I stated as I stepped up to him. "So don't be mad at me. Especially for being honest with you."

"I'm not mad. I just worry. And after all the promises of staying safe for each other, I don't think your decisions are staying true to that." He replied.

"Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do." I told him with a small shrug.

He sighed but nodded, gently taking my face in his hands. "Fine."

"Love you."

"Love you too." He said and kissed me.

"Do you two need anything from us?" I asked Four and Tris, keeping my eyes locked on Eric's.

"No." Four told me.

"Good." I replied. "Will you fulfill the last promise you made me?" I asked Eric.

He smiled, his arm wrapping around my waist, pulling me tightly against him. "Yes."

With our arms wrapped around each other, we moved toward the door, only to have him stop me. "What is it?"

"Do you wanna see your family tree?" He asked.

Looking at the wall, seeing all the names written across it, part of me was curious. Just like I was curious about the files on the tablet but I didn't need to read them, the same was for seeing their names on a wall. The chances of me seeing them again were slim to none and I would never know anyone else from my family tree.

"No. I'm good." I told him.

He nodded at me, looking at Four and Tris before leading me from the room. Going back to the dormitory, Christina still wasn't back, making me think that she was with Uriah. Giving my sister the smallest of smiles, Eric and I moved to our corner of the room. Changing into something more comfortable, I watched as Eric laid down on his cot. Doing the same, I turned onto my side so I could look at him, his bare chest just asking to be touched.

"What are you doing all the way over there?" He smirked at me.

Laughing, I moved on top of him, sighing contentedly as he threw a blanket over the pair of us. "Apologies."

"You said you wanted to sleep together. Well, this is as together as we can get." He replied.

Leaning down, the tips of my fingers finding his jaw, I kissed him slow and deep. "This is perfect."

"I love you, Pen." He told me softly.

"I never get tired of hearing that." I grinned at him. Kissing him again, I kept my lips against his, "I love you too."

Pressing a kiss against the center of his chest, I gently sucked the skin, my hands moving to his sides, running them up and down them. He shuddered, running his hand down my hair, the fingers of his other trailing down my arm.

"Keep that up and we'll need to try and find any room to be alone in." He told me.

Laughing, I pressed my forehead against his chest before I met his eyes, "I'm not having sex with you in a storage room."

"Why not?" He smirked. "We've done it in worse places."

"The bathrooms we've done it in have definitely been cleaner than a storage room." I countered.

He pouted at me, "You're no fun."

Laughing again, I hugged his shoulders against me as I kissed him. "You know that's not true."

In the next second his hands were gripping my sides, making me squirm against him. Bending my knee, he gripped the back of it, sending me into a fit of laughter and limbs. Inevitably, I found myself on my back on the floor, Eric looking over the edge at me, a cocky smirk on his face. For a moment I was annoyed with him, only then I saw the look in his eyes, depths to them that I had never seen before. It made me wonder if it had always been there and I'd never noticed it, or if it was something new he was showing me for the first time. Either way, it made tears brim in my eyes, only then I frowned, pushing the tears away as I cleared my throat. Blinking rapidly, I looked away from him.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I don't know." I told him.

"You looked at me and were literally brought to tears." He went on, only he was grinning at me.

Meeting his eyes again, I grinned back at him, "I look at you all the time. I shouldn't cry at the sight of you."

He held his hand out to me. Gripping it, I stood, squeezing onto his cot against his side. "Emotions have been running a bit high lately."

"Yeah, but mine have been exceptionally high and most of the time I don't have a good explanation for it." I stated. "Crying fits really aren't normal for me, but I've been having quite a few of them."

"You've been through a lot." He stated, his fingers moving up and down my back.

Sighing, I nodded, running my fingers back and forth across his chest. "Still. Crying is a weakness that we can't afford right now. I'm a little less girly then I've been acting."

"What do you think the cause is?" He asked me.

Thinking, I shook my head, "I don't know."

"It doesn't matter." He told me. "You've lost people, gained people, and have been holding a lot on your shoulders. But I can shoulder some of the weight you know. Remember, your burdens are my burdens."

"I know." I smiled and kissed him. "You're perfect."

He laughed and picked up my hand. The cuts from our fight in the bathroom weren't fully healed yet. The glass having left a slightly jagged scar against my palm. He brushed his thumb against the marks. Bringing my hand to his lips, he pressed a soft kiss against them. "Far from it."

Putting my hand against his face, I made him meet my eyes, "You're perfect for me. Faults and all."

Then he was kissing me. For several minutes we simply laid there, are lips never ceasing. It wasn't till I started to drift off that he finally took his lips from mine. Frowning, I nestled closer against his side, leaving not even a fraction of space between us. Feeling his lips against my forehead, I sighed contentedly, falling asleep with ease.

Waking to a hand on my shoulder, I heard Tris say my name. I was still against Eric, only he was now on his side, his body forming around mine. Managing to turn my head, I looked at her before frowning, turning myself into Eric's chest again.

"We have a meeting."

"I'm far too comfy to go to any meetings." I told her.

"It's with the council." She replied.

Looking at her again, I sighed, forcing myself to get up from the cot. Eric took a deep breath, sitting up and instinctively gripped me. "It's okay." I told him. "I have to go with Tris. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"What for?" He frowned, rubbing his eye with his palm.

"Council meeting." I told him as I started to change my clothes.

"Okay, baby." He replied but was still frowning.

Smiling, I moved to him, kissing him deeply. "I love you. I'll see you soon. Go back to sleep."

He nodded, kissing me again, "Love you too."

"Lay down, baby." I smiled, gently pushing against him.

"Okay." He said and laid down.

Grabbing my pillow, I handed it to him. He was already drifting off as he gripped it, hugging it against his chest as he curled himself into it.

"You're so cute." I told him, running my fingers through his hair. "Love you." I told him as I pressed a kiss against his temple. "Okay, let's go." I told Tris.

"Pen?" She replied.

"What?" I asked her.

"Socks. Shoes." She smiled.

Looking down at my bare feet, I just smiled before rushing and grabbing socks and shoes. "Okay, let's go." I told her again. Ready this time.

Reaching David's office, we were right on time. Tris checked her watch again, glancing at it to see it was exactly ten. In the next moment, David rolled himself into the hallway. He looked pale with distinctive dark circles underneath his eyes. It wasn't too long ago that I looked like that. It was a mixture of being hurt, stressed, and lacking proper sleep. And pain. Looking at him reminded me a lot of pain.

"Hello." I smiled at him.

"Hello, Pen. Tris." He said looking at her. "Eager are you? You're right on time."

"Of course I'm eager. It's my first meeting. Want help? You look tired."

"Fine, fine." He told her.

She moved behind him, starting to push him. He sighed, "I suppose I am tired. I was up all night dealing with our most recent crisis. Take a left here."

"What crisis is that?"

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough, let's not rush it." Frowning at Tris, she just shrugged at me. David seemed to sense it, looking over his shoulder at me. "I wasn't expecting you, Pen."

"I know." I told him. "Tris had asked that I accompany her. For the benefit of our group, two sets of eyes and ears will help if anyone questions the decisions of the council."

"Smart." He nodded. "Well, welcome." Smiling, he offered me his hand.

Returning it, I shook his hand, the feeling sending a jolt of cold water through my veins. "I'll be the silent partner. No need to worry about me."

He just smiled and nodded. Maneuvering through the dim hallways, we were now in Terminal 5, David commenting that it was "an old name". There are no windows here, making the outside world completely invisible. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly and silently. My eyes darted to see the possible exit points and weapons if necessary. If something were going to happen I wanted to be prepared for it. Looking at Tris, she seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Here we are." David said, triggering Tris to stop.

She pushed him through a set of double doors, propped open with doorstops. There are numerous people here, making my stomach drop and my heart start to race. I had no idea what to expect and now that we were here I was feeling anxious about it. The only thing that made me feel better was that there was coffee. All of them were holding tiny cups of coffee. All of them were also David's age, making Tris and me the youngest. Tris looked awkward with these people. Then I saw Zoe, making me feel a little better. She smiled at us, but it seemed strained and forced.

"Let's come to order!" David called to the room as he wheeled himself to the head of the conference table.

Tris sat in one of the chairs along the edge of the room, next to Zoe. I sat next to her, keeping the chair far enough back to get up quickly if I had to. It was clear that we didn't belong at this table with all the important people, making me feel watched. I just hoped that I didn't fall asleep. Though I was pretty sure Tris and I were on the same page about wanting to know about the new crisis David had mentioned. If he was worried about it then we should probably be doubly worried about it. We had no idea what he would do.

"Last night I received a frantic call from the people in our control room." David started. "Evidently Chicago is about to erupt into violence again. Faction loyalists calling themselves the Allegiant have rebelled against factionless control, attacking weapons safe houses. What they don't know is that Evelyn Johnson has discovered a new weapon – stores of death serum kept hidden in Erudite headquarters. As we know, no one is capable of resisting death serum, not even the Divergent. If the Allegiant attack the factionless government, and Evelyn Johnson retaliates, the casualties will obviously be catastrophic."

Freezing, my chest clenched, holding my breath as I stared at David. Watching every move he made to see if this was somehow a big joke. I tried to blink but I couldn't seem to make my eyes move. The room was already bursting with conversation.

"Quiet." David told us. "The experiments are already in danger of being shut down if we cannot prove to our superiors that we are capable of controlling them. Another revolution in Chicago would only cement their belief that this endeavor has outlived its usefulness – something we cannot allow to happen if we want to continue to fight genetic damage."

Still staring at him, I believed that he would not allow it to happen. He was exhausted and looked like hell, but he was strong and determined enough to see it done. And I couldn't deny that if Evelyn planned on letting loose the death serum, he wouldn't be the only one who would be looking to stop it.

"It's time to use the memory serum virus for a mass reset." He went on. "And I think we should use it against all four experiments."

"Reset them?" Tris said, beating me to the same question. All eyes moved to her at exactly the same moment. Then they glance to me. It was as if they had forgotten we were there.

"She asked you a question." I told David, leaning forward, wrapping one hand around the other.

He met my eyes and for just a moment he frowned, then his hard yet kind demeanor returned to his face as he looked at Tris. "'Resetting' is our word for widespread memory erasure." He finally explained. "It is what we do when the experiments that incorporate behavioral modification are in danger of falling apart. We did it when we first created each experiment that had a behavioral modification component, and the last one in Chicago was done a few generations before yours." He was still looking at Tris, giving her an odd smile. "Why did you think there was so much physical devastation in the factionless sector? There was an uprising, and we had to quell it as cleanly as possible."

Shaking started to take me over and I just hoped it wasn't as noticeable as I felt it was. The factionless sector was in ruins with broken roads and shattered windows and toppled streetlights. I'd never really asked why it was the way it was when it was the only section of the city that destruction had touched. North of the bridge was empty and yet it still appeared as if it was done peacefully. Like all children, we were told it was what happened to those without community, destroying itself because they had no faction to tell them what to do and to believe.

Now being told that it was done as a result of an uprising, covered up by being reset, it was just one more reason to hate these people. All they cared about what saving their experiments. It had nothing to do with saving lives. If they did this then everyone within the city would forget everything about themselves. Claude, Terra, Simmy, my parents…none of them would know me anymore. Or each other. To me they're my family. To these people they are nothing more than containers of genetic material. Just GDs left to breed to pass on their genes until they're pure, not caring an ounce for the brains in their heads or the hearts in their chests.

"When?" One of the council members asked.

"Within the next forty-eight hours." David replied.

Everyone started to nod as if this is completely sensible.

The more I thought about it the angrier I got, my shaking was worse and I could feel my breaking point boiling, ready to come out. Tris gripped my wrist, telling me softly to calm down. But I couldn't calm down. What they were talking about was the same as murdering them. It was worse. They would be alive but wouldn't remember what mattered to them. The people they loved and couldn't live without would be strangers passing in the street. My parents' memories of me growing up. Claude's memories of when we met and how we became so close. Terra knowing her accomplishments and how far she had come. Worst of all was that they would all forget those that had been lost to this fight. My parents would never remember that they had a daughter named Maggie. Claude would never remember Henry and Tori. Andrew and Natalie and everything they fought to accomplish would be lost forever.

"What right do you think you have to take people's minds away from them?" I said calmly.

"Pen, don't." Tris told me.

"It's what needs to be done." David replied.

"Bullshit!" I yelled, slamming my hands against the table as I shot to my feet. "The only thing you care about is your damn experiments! You're not even taking into consideration what memories you'd be taking!"

"It's a sacrifice that needs to be made." David told me with a hard tone, raising his voice.

"You can't do this." I told him, pointing my finger at him. "I won't let you do this."

Turning, I moved to the door, throwing them open to be met by two soldiers.

"Detain her!" David told them quickly.

They gripped me, only to have me fight against them, dropping both of them before I started to run down the halls. Having stolen one of their guns, I had no idea what I was going to do, but I had to do something. Rushing toward the labs, I fought two more sets of soldiers before I finally reached them. They were the first thing I could think of. I'd destroy as much equipment as I could. It probably wouldn't even slow them down, but it was something. Only as soon as I got there, I was confronted by four soldiers, being hit and forced to the ground, chocking on my own blood.

"You can't do this!" I yelled, blood dripping from my mouth.

"Pen!" Tris's voice reached me.

My hands were cuffed behind my back and I was lifted back onto my feet. "Tris." I said as she came into view. "You can't let them do this." She just looked at me. "Tris, you have to stop it."

Then David and Zoe came into view. "I wasn't expecting that." David frowned at me. "What were you planning on doing?"

"Anything." I spat at him.

"Tris, I don't think she should come to any more meetings."

"Agreed." Tris nodded at him. "But the news was surprising to me as well. I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt."

He looked at her before me, keeping my eyes for a long moment, "I'll take that into consideration."

"Thank you." Tris told him.

"Take her away." He told the soldiers and I'm being pushed down the hall.

Struggling, we passed other soldiers, Heath among them. He stopped when he saw me, getting a shrug in response from me. Eric was going to be pissed. I didn't know how long it would take for him to be told, but once he did he'd either end up in a cell next to mine, or he'd leave a string of destruction in his wake when he came for me.

Being shoved into a small room, it wasn't a cell at all, but it felt the same. It had white walls and a single metal rectangular table with a chair on either side. My anger had yet to subside, making me grip it, tossing it at the door as I let out a feral yell. Breathing hard, I moved to the opposite side of the room, sitting down against the wall.

As the minutes ticked by, my mind kept repeating David's words over and over again. Within two days, all the men, women, and children in the city that I was born and raised in, would have their entire memories erased. If they didn't go through with it then Evelyn had the power to not only erase memories but kill however many people she wanted. What if she lost control of it and it was released through the entire city? What if she killed everybody? Would that be worse?

"What are we gonna do?" I asked aloud, the weight of it all crashing down on top of me.


	22. Play Their Game

**Chapter Twenty-two: Play Their Game**

It didn't take long for the sound of commotion to filter into the room. There was yelling and the sound of fists against flesh. Listening to it was like music to my ears. Smiling, I listened as it got louder the closer he got to me. I could hear running and more yelling before there was the sound of someone landing on the ground. There were even gun shots that momentarily made me panic, but there was one voice that never stopped.

Eric's.

And he was pissed.

I knew I shouldn't condone him fighting and hurting soldiers just because I was detained for doing the same thing. I had wanted to destroy anything that mattered to David and this place. I never got that chance. I only hoped that Tris would come up with some sort of plan to fix this. We couldn't let David release the memory serum on the city. Not ours or any of the others.

"Pen!" Eric's voice screamed.

Getting to my feet, I rushed to the door, slamming my hands against it, "Eric! Eric!"

"Pen!" His voice yelled, closer now.

Pounding harder, I took a deep breath, "ERIC!"

Then he was pounding back, "Pen! Baby, I'm here."

"Eric." I said with tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry."

Hearing his steps move away from the door, there was a yell, and then the sound of a body being dragged. "Please don't. Please just stop. I was just doing my job."

"Open the door." Eric told him harshly.

"I don't have the key." He replied with fear.

"Then who the fuck does?!" Eric screamed at him.

"Baby." I said softly through the door.

Hearing him yell, there was slamming against the door, making me jump back. The door vibrated but it didn't give against him. "Damnit!" He yelled.

"Baby." I repeated.

"What the hell happened, Pen?" He replied.

"Talk to Tris." I told him. "I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm going to get you out of there." He told me with conviction.

Shaking my head, a tried not to sound like I was crying. "Eric, I'm going to be okay. Just go talk to Tris and make a plan. I know you'll get me out when it's time to act. And if you can't, I won't hold it against you. I did this to myself."

"Pen, I'm not going to leave you here." He told me sadly.

Laughing lightly, I nodded to myself, wiping the tears from my eyes, "Yes you are, baby. You're going to leave me here and go deal with that's going on. You know where to find me."

"I'm not leaving you here!" He yelled through the door, slamming his hands against it again.

"I love you."

"Knock it off." He shot back almost instantaneously.

Smiling, I ran my hand along the spot where I thought his might be. "You knew I was going to say that."

"Of course I did." He replied. "I know everything about you."

Putting my forehead against the door, I shut my eyes, tears falling down my cheeks. Furrowing my brows, I took a deep breath. "It's not like this is the end." I told him. "I'm not going to be killed or imprisoned for the rest of my life. I'm just…stuck." There was silence from the other side but I could faintly hear him breathing. "You're not going anywhere, are you?" I smirked at him through the door.

Hearing him slid down it, I knelt, turning and leaning my back against the door as well. "I am where you are."

"You should go, baby." I told him even though I wanted him to stay.

"You're supposed to say it back." He replied and I could hear the smirk in his voice.

Laughing lightly, I nodded, "I am where you are too, Eric. But this isn't your fault. This is my fault. I overreacted without thinking and landed myself in here. I tried to shoot up the lab so I'm pretty sure they're not going to let me out any time soon."

There was a long pause before he replied. "You what?"

"I know, I know." I told him. "But I'm not going to explain what we found out through this door. I need you to go to Tris and Four and make a plan."

"Not without you."

"Yes without me!" I unintentionally yelled at him. "Eric, you can't stay here. You need to go make yourself useful. Part of the plan has fallen through and you need to stay away from me until they decide what they're going to do with me."

"Pen, they know I'm with you. Everyone knows what happens when they mess with one of us. The other always comes running. There are still soldiers waiting to be brought to the hospital. I'm pretty sure they'll do the same thing to me that they did to you just for precautions. If they try and do anything to you – I mean _anything_ – they will have to answer to me and you know how that will go."

"All the more reason to go talk to the others and make a plan."

"You can be so infuriating!" He yelled.

"So can you!" I yelled back. "Seriously, Eric. For once, just do as I'm asking."

"And just leave you here." He said with annoyance.

"Yes!" I shot through the door. He sighed and I could hear small pounds on the door, his head hitting it. Sighing as well, I ran my fingers down the door. "I know this isn't what we had planned. But I'm okay. You're okay. We'll figure it out." I told him, being met with silence. "But you need to get up and you need to walk away from me. Leave me here. Maybe they'll let me out before it all goes down."

"What's going down?" He shot at me through the door.

"Have you been listening to anything I've been saying?" I shot back at him.

"Yeah, yeah." He replied and I heard him get up. "Go talk to Tris."

Swiftly getting to my feet, I turned to the door, "Are you going to?"

"Yeah." He replied.

Taking a slow breath, I nodded, "Okay. Be careful, baby. I love you."

"I'm not saying it back." He replied.

Feeling emotion start to sink in, I whispered, "Why not?"

"Because…" He replied.

"Please?"

I heard him laugh lightly, "I love you, Pen. More than anything."

"Good. Now go get 'em tiger."

There was a pause before he laughed, "Seriously?"

"It's all I've got right now." I replied lightly.

He sighed, "Just try and keep your head and I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I'd like that."

Hearing his steps retreat, I felt the first wave of fear. I didn't know what was going to happen and I hated being forced apart from him. There wasn't a window to see him through or bars so I could touch him. I just hoped that he would talk to Tris and they would figure out a way to get me out of here.

It hadn't quite been an hour when there was commotion once again in the hallway. There were groans and the occasional exclamation of pain. Getting to my feet, I faced the door, listening to try and figure out what was going on. Then there were voices outside my door, hearing David's voice order it to be opened. Stepping back, I crossed my arms, frowning as the door swung open and David wheeled himself in. For a long moment, we just looked at each other. I didn't know what he was thinking and I didn't want to make a bad situation worse by letting my temper flare again.

"Have you calmed down?" David asked kindly.

My temper spiked again, but I managed to keep myself under control. "Yes."

"Do you want to tell me what you were thinking?" He asked.

Sighing, I took a slow deep breath, "I was surprised about your plan to reset the city. I know I overreacted, but I don't agree with it."

"You don't have to." He told me sternly.

I nodded at him, "I know."

"So what do you intend on doing now?"

"I know there is nothing I can do. You're the leader of this compound and will have the final say. I just wish you'd consider the consequences of what resetting them would be."

He was as calm as ever when he replied, "I have thought of them. I've also accepted them and deemed them worth the risk versus losing all the experiments and the generations of life's work we have put into this compound."

"I have friends and family in that city." I frowned at him.

"And I am deeply sorry about that. But you are here and you need you respect the decisions of this compound."

"We were delivered false pretenses."

"Be that as it may, you're here." He told me. After a long pause, he raised his brows and looked at me, "But I suppose I could consider letting whoever of you who wishes it to return to the city and be reset with the rest of them."

"No." I replied quickly. "I appreciate the gesture but I'd like to keep my memories."

"And Eric's no doubt." He added. I couldn't help but glare at him, getting a smile in response. "I like to know my enemy."

"Am I your enemy?" I frowned harder at him.

He held my eyes for a long moment. "No, Penelope. I don't believe you to be my enemy. You just don't understand enough about what's going on to form a proper opinion. You're blinded by your feelings, and you should be, but as I said, you need to respect this facility and not interfere."

After a long moment where we just stared at each other, I finally sighed and nodded, "I understand. I apologize for my reaction."

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

"What now?"

"You're free to go."

Frowning, I didn't move, not quite believing him, "This isn't a trick or anything, is it?"

He smiled at me, "No, Pen, this is not a trick."

"Thank you." I told him.

"No more meetings for you." He smirked before rolling himself out of the room.

The door was left open and I waited a few long moments for him to leave. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly as I stepped toward the door, peering around the corner. Soldiers were still being picked up from the floor, being put on gurneys or assisted by others as they were taken to the hospital. Eric had done a good job at tearing them apart. There was blood on the floor and the walls, some unconscious while others were groaning, swiveling their heads as they lay in pain. Others just looked pissed off. But if anyone attempted to seek retaliation, they'd only get hurt twice as badly.

"Pen." Heath said, passing one of his comrades off to another.

"Was anyone killed?" I asked him.

"No." He said shaking his head. "Your boyfriend was very calculated." Smiling, I nodded at him. "Seeing it made me think of you. I'd hate to fight against the pair of you."

Laughing, I nodded again, "You'd definitely lose."

"And he did this just because you were arrested." He said and shook his head, a look of both awe and shock on his face. "What the hell would he do if you were hurt?"

Putting my hand on his shoulder, I smirked at him, "You don't want to know."

"I'll be sure to keep my head down." He replied.

"Do you know where he is?" I asked.

"Here." Eric replied from behind me.

Turning, I grinned and opened my arms as he reached me. Wrapping my arms around his neck, his were around my waist, lifting me off of the floor. Wrapping one arm around his head, I buried my face in his neck. He did the same and I could feel how tense he was.

Pressing my lips against his neck, he put me back onto my feet, gently taking my face in his hands, "I love you."

"I love you." He replied and kissed me deeply.

Heath cleared his throat, making us both look at him. His brows were raised and several soldiers were glaring our way. "You should probably get out of here."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Eric replied, gripping my hand and swiftly moving down the hall.

Gripping his arm, I pressed my shoulder against the back of it, "Did you talk to Tris? Where is everyone?" He didn't say anything. "Eric."

He kept looking over his shoulder, his grip on my hand tight. He was worried. Not the usual worried. Something had been decided, something that clearly made him anxious. Keeping quiet, I kept glancing over our shoulders every time Eric did. At one point two soldier's looked at us suspiciously, starting to follow us. Eric started to walk faster, practically shoving me around the corner and into the nearest room. Pulling me tightly against him, we kept our breathing shallow, not moving as we waited for them to pass. Staring into Eric's eyes, he slowly started to relax, cracking the door open before slipping out. Doing the same, we looked down either end of the hall. Taking my hand again, we started down it, taking several turns until we were near the labs.

"I shouldn't be here." I told him.

"You're fine." He replied looking over his shoulder before pushing me through the door.

"Opie." Four said moving to me.

Embracing him, I sighed, "Hey."

"You okay?" Tris asked.

Nodding, I took a deep breath, "Sure."

Eric wrapped his arm around me, pressing his lips against my hair. "You're okay."

"What's the plan?" I asked as I leaned into Eric.

"We're turning their plan against them." Tris told me.

Frowning, I looked at everyone in the room, "You mean wipe their memories instead?"

"Exactly." Tris smiled, then it faltered. "You don't look happy about that."

"We're here." I stated.

"There's a vaccine, remember?" She replied.

"Do we have access to it?" I asked next.

Then Matthew spoke, "Of course we do."

"How exactly does it work?" I asked him.

"We just went over this." He sighed.

"I wasn't here!" I told him, raising my voice.

"Okay." He nodded. "The memory serum targets explicit memories, like your name, where you grew up, your first teacher's name, and leaves implicit memories – like how to speak or tie your shoes or ride a bicycle – untouched."

"Okay." I nodded.

"Inevitably, some important memories will be lost." He went on. "But if we have a record of people's scientific discoveries or histories, they can relearn them in the hazy period after their memories are erased. People are very pliable then."

Looking up at Eric, his brows were furrowed. Meeting my eyes he leaned down, kissing me sweetly before putting his forehead against mine. "It's gonna be okay." He whispered to me.

"I know." I smirked, wrapping my arms around him as I pressed myself against his chest.

"Wait." Tris said. "If the Bureau is going to load all of those planes with the memory serum virus to reset the experiments, will there be any serum left to use against the compound?"

"We'll have to get it first." Matthew stated. "In less than forty-eight hours."

"That's not a lot of time to figure out how to do it." I told him, letting Eric go.

"After you erase their memories, won't you have to program them with new memories? How does that work?" Cara asked.

"We just have to reteach them. As I said, people tend to be disoriented for a few days after being reset, which means they'll be easier to control." Matthew replied, sitting and spinning in his chair once. He's too calm about all this. "We can just give them a new history class. One that teaches facts rather than propaganda."

"We could use the fringe's slide show to supplement a basic history lesson." Tris suggested. "They have photographs of a war caused by GPs."

Nodding, I met her eyes, giving her a smile.

"Great." Matthew nodded. "Big problem, though. The memory serum virus is in the Weapons Lab. The one Nita just tried – and failed – to break into."

"Christina and I were supposed to talk to Reggie, but I think, given this new plan, we should talk to Nita instead." Four replied.

"I think you're right." Tris agreed. "Let's go find out where she went wrong."

The pair moved to the door, Eric and I quickly following. There was no way in hell I was going to separate from them if I could help it. Everything was coming to a head and I didn't want to be split up from anyone. We now knew we had less than forty-eight hours to formulate and execute a plan to stop them from resetting the city. It left little room for error and we had to act quickly if we wanted to succeed.

"What's wrong?" Tris asked Four. "You hardly said anything during the meeting. None of you did." She added looking at us.

"I just…" Four started, shaking his head. "I'm not sure this is the right thing to do. They want to erase our friends' memories, so we decide to erase theirs?"

Tris stopped and turned to him, touching his shoulder lightly. "Tobias, we have forty-eight hours to stop them. If you can think of any other idea, anything else that could save our city, I'm open to it."

"There isn't one." Eric told her, getting a nod from her in response, then her eyes are back on Four.

"I can't." He told her, his voice sounding defeated. "But we're acting out of desperation to save something that's important to us – just like the Bureau is. What's the difference?"

"The difference is what's right." Tris told him firmly. "The people in the city, as a whole, are innocent. The people in the Bureau, who supplied Jeanine with the attack simulation, are not innocent."

"She has a point, Four." I told him gently. "In the grand scheme of things, they are the more guilty party."

He doesn't look convinced.

Tris sighed. "It's not a perfect situation. But when you have to choose between two bad options, you pick the one that saves the people you love and believe in most. You just do. Okay?"

Eric and I watched as our unofficial leaders decided what to do. Then I couldn't help but smile as Four reached for her hand, "Okay."

"Tris!" Christina pushed through the swinging doors to the hospital and jogged toward us. Peter is right behind her, his dark hair combed smoothly to the side.

"Something's wrong." I frowned.

"I just spoke to one of the doctors." She told Tris, breathless and a bit frantic. "The doctor says Uriah's not going to wake up. Something about…no brain waves."

Feeling my chest grow tight, I looked up at Eric, "That could have been you."

"Or you." He said sadly.

Giving him a small smile, I leaned against him, taking his hand again, "I love you."

"I love you." He replied and wrapped me in his arms.

"They were going to take him off life support right away, but I pleaded with them." She went on, wiping one of her eyes with the heel of her hand, catching a tear before it fell. "Finally the doctor said he would give me four days. So I can tell his family."

Zeke and everyone is still in the city. They were there and he was here, dying, and they didn't know about it. And if David got his way, then they would never know. They wouldn't even remember having a brother or a son. We had to win this. We had to get to the serum before the Bureau did.

"They're going to reset the city in forty-eight hours." Tris blurted out. "If we can't stop them, that means Zeke and his mother will forget him."

"What?" Christina demanded with eyes wide. "My family is in there. They can't reset everyone! How could they do that?"

"Pretty easily, actually." Peter stated.

"What are you even doing here?" Tris demanded of him.

"I went to see Uriah. Is there a law against it?" He shot back at her.

"You didn't even care about him." She spit back at him. "What right do you have –"

"Tris." Christina said shaking her head. "Not now, okay?"

"We have to go in." Four told them. "Matthew said we could inoculate people against the memory serum, right? So we'll go in, inoculate Uriah's family just in case, and take them back to the compound to say good-bye to him. We have to do it tomorrow, though, or we'll be too late." He said and paused. "And you can inoculate your family too, Christina. I should be the one who tells Zeke and Hana, anyway."

"And we'll take care of yours." Eric told me. Smiling, I nodded, tilting my chin up. He smiled and kissed me.

"I'm going too." Peter stated. "Unless you want me to tell David what you're planning."

"Blackmail. Seriously?" I frowned at him. But we didn't have a choice.

"Fine." Four told him. "But if you cause any trouble, I reserve the right to knock you unconscious and lock you in an abandoned building somewhere."

Peter rolled his eyes.

"Don't push us." I frowned at him.

"How do we get there?" Christina asked. "It's not like they just let people borrow cars."

"I bet we could get Amar to take you." Tris told her. "He told me today that he always volunteers for patrols. So he knows all the right people. And I'm sure he would agree to help Uriah and his family."

"I should go ask him now. And someone should probably sit with Uriah…make sure that doctor doesn't go back on his word. Christina, not Peter." Four said as he rubbed the back of his neck. "And then I should figure out how to tell Uriah's family that he got killed when I was supposed to be looking out for him."

"Tobias –" Tris said sadly, but he held up his hand.

He started to move away from us. "They probably won't let me visit Nita anyway."

"Me neither." Eric said looking down at me. Four stopped and looked at him.

Looking between them, I sighed and met Eric's eyes, nodding, "Okay."

He nodded, his brows furrowing, "Okay."

Smiling, I took his face in my hands and kissed him deeply, "I love you."

"I love you too, woman." He smirked.

Laughing lightly, grinning, I kissed him again. "I love you more than anything."

"I know you do." He nodded.

Four said his name at the same time Tris said mine. We both looked at our respective party before each other again. "We're holding up the team. Again."

He grinned and kissed me again, slowly starting to walk away with me still against him, his tongue slipping into my mouth. When he finally pulled away from me, I was breathless and eager for more. He simply winked at me and fell in step with Four, Peter following them.

"Sorry." I told Tris as I did the same.

"Forty-eight hours, Pen. Then you two can take a nice long vacation." She told me.

Sighing, smiling at the thought, I looked at her, "God I hope so."

"Come on." Christina told us. "Visiting hours are almost over. I'm going back to sit with Uriah."

Tris followed Christina to Uriah's room, leaving me to linger in the hall. I was never close with him and I didn't think I was very welcome. Though it would appear that I wasn't welcome here at all. Soldiers were moving up and down the hall and in and out of rooms, all of them glaring at me as they passed me by. The ones with slings, cuts, bruises and everything in between glared even harder. If looks could kill I would have been dead a long time ago.

"Kid." Doc said appearing from a room.

"Hey." I smiled at her.

"How are you? How's Eric?"

"He's good." I nodded at her. "We both are. Thank you."

She shook her head, "Don't thank me. I'm just happy it all worked out. And I should be thanking you and him for keeping me busy." She added with a grin. "You two are definitely not high on the popularity list around here."

Shrugging, I nodded, "Yeah, we have our moments."

"What brings you here?" She asked.

"Nita." I replied.

Her smile fell and she stepped closer to me, "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" I frowned at her.

"She's a traitor. There's only two reasons someone would want to talk to her and something tells me you don't want to offer her your sympathy."

"How do you feel about the Bureau?" I asked her. She subtly shook her head. I subtly nodded at her. "Then it's all good."

She nodded again, "Be careful, Kid. I don't want a repeat of what happened before. Not to you and not to him."

Smiling, I put my hand on her arm, "Don't worry. We've got a plan."

"That's not very comforting." She replied.

Nodding, I sighed, "Yeah."

"Pen." Tris said finally reappearing.

Doc gave me a stern look. "Be careful."

"I will." I nodded and followed Tris. "I promise." Stepping next to Tris, I looked at the guard in front of her room. "We have ten minutes."

"I know." She replied before we stopped in front of the guard. "Can I go in?"

"Not really supposed to let people in there." He replied.

"I'm the one who shot her. Does that count for anything?" Tris told him.

"Well." He shrugged. "As long as you promise not to shoot her again. And get out within ten minutes."

"It's a deal."

He made Tris take off her jacket to make sure she wasn't armed. He patted me down as well, satisfied, before he let us walk into the room. Nita jerked to attention, though it's poorly done since half her body is encased in plaster. One of her hands is cuffed to the bed, and I can't help but think how redundant that is since there is no way she'd be able to escape even if she wanted to. Her hair was messy and knotted, but she was still pretty. I knew there was no reason to feel threatened by her but I couldn't help it. She was still the girl that my boyfriend was running around with in the middle of the night. He would never be unfaithful, but it still bothered me.

"What are you doing here?" She asked. Tris didn't reply, both of us moving to opposite sides of the room, checking for cameras. Tris snapped at me, pointing at one across from her, pointing at Nita's bed.

"There aren't microphones. They don't really do that here." She told us.

"Good." Tris said and pulled up a chair to sit next to her. I lingered behind her, crossing my arms. "I'm here because I need important information from you."

"I already told them everything I felt like telling them." She glared at her. "I've got nothing more to say. Especially not to the person who shot me."

"Then tell me." I shot at her.

"If I hadn't shot you, I wouldn't be David's favorite person, and I wouldn't know all the things I know." Tris told her, glancing at the door. Her paranoia quickly moved to me, making me move to it, double-checking that no one was listening. "We've got a new plan. Matthew and I. And Tobias, Eric, and Pen. And it will require getting into the Weapons Lab."

"And you thought I could help you with that?" She said shaking her head. "I couldn't get in the first time, remember?"

"I need to know what the security is like. Is David the only person who knows the pass code?"

"Not like…the only person ever." She replied. "That would be stupid. His superiors know it, but he's the only person in the compound, yes."

"Okay, then what's the backup security measure? The one that is activated if you explode the doors?"

She pressed her lips together so they almost disappear. It made her less attractive which made me feel better about her for a moment. She's staring at her cast, mulling over if she should tell us or not. "It's the death serum." She finally told us.

"Excuse me?" I frowned, fear filling me as I took a slow step toward her.

"In aerosol form, it's practically unstoppable. Even if you wear a clean suit or something, it works its way in eventually. It just takes a little more time that way. That's what the lab reports said."

"So they just automatically kill anyone who makes their way into that room without the pass code?" Tris frowned.

"It surprises you?"

"No." I said and started to pace.

"I guess not." Tris told her, balancing her elbows on her knees. "And there's no other way in except with David's code."

"Which, as you found out, he is completely unwilling to share." She reminded her.

"There's no chance a GP could resist the death serum?" Tris asked next.

I stopped dead in my tracks, staring at her as I waited for her to reply.

"No. Definitely not."

Lifting my eyes to the ceiling, I started to pace again, "Damnit."

"Most GPs can't resist the truth serum, either. But I can." Tris told her.

"If you want to go flirt with death, be my guest." She replied as she leaned back against the pillows. "I'm done with that now."

"One more question." Tris told her. "Say I do want to flirt with death. Where do I get explosives to break through the doors?"

"Like I'm going to tell you that."

"I would if I were you." I shot at her, feeling a little panicked. Two words kept repeating over and over again in my mind.

Death serum.

"I don't think you get it." Tris told her. "If this plan succeeds, you won't be imprisoned for life anymore. You'll recover and you'll go free. So it's in your best interest to help me."

Tris and I both stared at her and she stared back, weighing the odds in her head. Her wrist tugged against the handcuff, just enough that the metal carved a line into her skin. She sighed and looked at Tris.

"Reggie has the explosives." She told us. "He can teach you how to use them, but he's no good in action, so for God's sake, don't bring him along unless you feel like babysitting."

"Noted." Tris replied.

"Tell him it will require twice as much firepower to get through those doors than any others. They're extremely sturdy."

Tris and I both nodded. Her watch beeped, telling us it was the top of the hour and that our time was up. Tris stood, pushing the chair back to the corner she had got it from. I was already at the door, anxious to leave and find our men again. This wasn't what I had expected and the thought of trying to get into the lab now seems impossible and not worth the risk. If we got enough of the vaccine, maybe we could inoculate enough of the people we cared about until a different plan could be made. But this? We didn't have time and someone was more than likely going to die.

"Thank you for the help." Tris told her.

"What is the plan?" She asked. "If you don't mind telling me."

Tris paused, hesitating as she tried to figure out if she should tell her or not. If it all went well, she wouldn't remember any of this anyway.

"Well, let's just say it will erase the phrase 'genetically damaged' from everyone's vocabulary." She finally replied.

The guard opened the door, more than likely about to tell us to leave, only I'd already walked through it, thanking him for opening the door. Looking over my shoulder, Tris was following me, both of us looking at Nita before the door closed, seeing a small smile on her face. Even if she didn't remember any of this, we were still completing her plan, just not the way she intended.


	23. Not Enough Time

**Chapter Twenty-three: Not Enough Time**

Slowly moving down the halls, my mind was swimming with everything that was about to go down. Death serum. Memory serum. Uriah. There was always the possibility that the outside was just as bad as the inside. I had convinced myself that that wasn't the case. Only it was. Inside the walls was Evelyn who was threatening to release death serum on all those who opposed her. Outside was David who planned on wiping everyone's memory in the city. Not only ours but the other active experiments as well. Neither was better than the other. What the hell were we going to do?

"Pen." Tris's voice said from behind me.

"Hey." I smiled at her as she jogged to me.

She was quiet for a long moment. "You okay?"

"No." I replied honestly. "This sucks."

"I know." She nodded. "But it's better than letting everyone be wiped."

Nodding, I furrowed my brows as I swallowed hard. "I know."

"You're with Tobias on this, aren't you?"

Sighing, I lifted my shoulders, "I don't know. I'm not sure I believe one way is better than the other. But I don't want my parents to forget me. I don't want them to forget Maggie. But there are some I wouldn't feel bad about if they lost their memories."

"Eric's parents?" She asked. I sighed and nodded again. "They definitely deserve it."

"They deserve to die." I told her coldly.

"They do." She agreed.

There was a long pause where silence settled over us. "When do we tell the others what Nita said?"

"We'll have to get everyone together." She told me.

"Okay." I nodded.

"You should find Tobias and Eric." She said softly.

"Why me? You need to talk to him, Tris." I frowned at her.

"You're in a better place with both of them." She replied.

Sighing again, I rolled my shoulders, "Fine."

"Thank you."

"Yeah. Of course." I smiled.

"You remember the meeting place?"

"Yeah."

Moving away from her, I went to find Eric and Four. The dormitory was empty, as well as the bathrooms and the training rooms. Though both were GDs so I made my way downstairs to the underground where the GD training area was. There were other things down here but if I knew Eric, he'd be looking for any sort of release. They really weren't any better than inside the city. We were segregated no matter where we went.

Quietly stepping into the room, I could already hear him punching the bags. Partially hiding myself amongst the different equipment, I couldn't help but stare at him. He only wore a pair of black sweats, the rest of him bare, even his feet. Light reflected through the beads of sweat that dripped down his body, making the rest of him shimmer. His brows were furrowed as he focused on the bag in front of him. Lithe steps bringing him toward and away from it. Slowing it down in my mind, I couldn't help but smile, loving him more and more. He was such a beautiful man. His muscles rippling. His breathing calm and steady. His movements precise. He was amazing.

Moving around the bag, I stepped up, putting my hands on the sides of it, bracing it as I leaned around it. "Want to go a few rounds?" I smiled at him.

His brows remained furrowed as he rubbed his hands. "No."

Sighing, I let go of the bag, stepping up to him. "What are you thinking?"

He raised a brow, sighing heavily, "I don't know."

Putting my hands against his sides, slowly running them up and down as I leaned into him. "How can I help?"

He met my eyes before gripping my arms. His grip was tight, almost painful, as he stared into my eyes, "You can help by leaving the compound. Steal a car and get as far away from here as possible."

"Eric." I frowned at him.

"I'm serious, Pen." He frowned back at me.

"Everything is going to be okay." I replied, running my fingers through his hair.

He shook his head, taking both my hands, "I have this horrible feeling, Pen."

"What kind of feeling?" I asked him softly.

His brows furrowed further, anxiousness flowing off of him, "That something terrible is going to happen."

Swiftly wrapping my arms around his neck, I crashed my lips against his, kissing him deeply and passionately. Pressing myself against him, his arms moved around me, keeping me firmly in place. Then I shoved him away from me, keeping him at arm's length.

"Pen." He frowned.

"Just a few rounds." I smiled at him. "For me."

He smirked at me, nodding, and then his fist was flying at me. Barely having enough time to dodge it, I spun around him, kicking the back of his knee. He went down momentarily before spinning, the back of his knuckles colliding with my face. For a moment I was dazed, dabbing the blood from where my cheekbone had split. Glaring at him, I rushed him, dodging his fists before slamming mine into his side, hearing the air leave his lungs. It slowed him down for only a moment before he gripped me around my waist, slamming my back against the ground.

Moving over me, pinning my wrists to the mat, he stared down at me. For a moment I thought it was a ploy to lower my defenses, only in the next second his lips were against mine. Bringing my knees up, I freed my hands, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, lifting myself off the mat to reach him better. Rolling him, I reached my hand down, slipping it past his waistband. He gripped my arms tightly, rolling me underneath him again. He ripped my shirt, leaning down and pressed his lips between my breasts. Shuddering beneath him, for a moment we paused, staring at each other. Then it was as if an inferno had been ignited, both of us clutching each other, unable to get close enough. His lips were once again against mine, moving fervently as he ripped the clothes from my body.

Rolling my shoulder, it had been a while since he had been that rough. Since _we'd_ been that rough. After what Henry did, he seemed to have avoided being too overzealous. Even when we'd connected on more levels then I'd ever thought possible, we still hadn't been that rough. I enjoyed every second of it, but there was an underlying sense of goodbye and it put me on edge.

Having found clothes in the girl's locker room, I pulled them on, happy that they weren't too baggy. Looking at my reflection, I looked as tired as I felt. This whole thing was about to be over and there was still more than enough time for everything to fall apart. We had a plan. We had a way to stop David and yet I couldn't deny that Eric's uneasiness had swiftly radiated to me as well.

"We need to find Four and meet the others." I told him as I walked toward the entrance.

"What did you find out?" He asked as he fell in step with me.

I didn't reply. Instead I walked faster, finding Four with Christina, swiftly telling them that we needed to talk. Leading them all down a few other halls, I opened the door to a storage room. Tris, Cara, Matthew, Caleb, and Hazel were already there. We were the last of the party to join.

"Okay." Tris nodded, meeting my eyes.

"What's going on?" Four asked.

"We talked to Nita." She said still looking at me. "Death serum stands between us and the Weapons Lab. We can blow it up but it will release the serum. It's in aerosol form and no one has ever survived it. So whoever goes for the weapons lab will be going on a suicide mission."

Eric pressed his arm against mine and I could feel his eyes looking at me. Staring at Tris, I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. He had a horrible feeling that something terrible was going to happen. The death serum lay between us and success. Something terrible was going to happen.

"The question is," Matthew added, "is this something we're willing to sacrifice a life for."

No one was saying anything. Still avoiding Eric's eyes, I looked around the room, seeing the vials and beakers and notebooks covered with scribbles scattered across the lab table that's in front of Matthew. Frowning at it all, they'd clearly been working on something down here and hadn't been nice enough to tell me about it. Looking at Matthew, I frowned, hating how he was chewing on the string that was around his neck.

"Pen." Eric whispered as his hand moved to my lower back.

Looking at Four, he was leaning against the door with his arms crossed. He looked like he used to when he was in charge of the initiates. His stoic demeanor taking over at he thought about what move we should make next.

"It's not just about revenge." Tris finally replied. "It's not about what they did to the Abnegation. It's about stopping them before they do something equally bad to the people in all the experiments – about taking away their power to control thousands of lives."

"It is worth it." Cara added. "One death, to save thousands of people from a terrible fate? And cut the compound's power off at the knees, so to speak? Is it even a question?"

The answer is simple. It's not a question. One life lost to save countless others was a small price to pay. But looking around the room, we all know that it would have to be one of us. We are the only ones who know what we're planning. There is no one else who we could get to do it. One person in this room was going to be dead within a day. Now the only question was: who?

Tris's eyes were moving over each of us and for a moment her eyes fell upon Eric. Feeling anxious, I took his hand, rubbing my other up and down his forearm before I gripped his bicep. He pressed his lips into my hair, sighing lightly. Finally looking up at him, he offered me a small smile.

"Oh, just come out with it." Caleb said, making me jump. We all looked at him. "You want me to do it." He told Tris. "You all do."

"No one said that." Matthew replied as he spit out the string necklace from his mouth.

"Everyone's staring at me." Caleb stated. "Don't think I don't know it. I'm the one who chose the wrong side, who worked with Jeanine Matthews; I'm the one none of you care about, so I should be the one to die."

"No, Caleb." Hazel frowning, gripping him tightly. "It doesn't have to be you."

"Why do you think Tobias offered to get you out of the city before they executed you?" Tris asked him, her tone cold and quiet. "Because I don't care whether you live or die? Because I don't care about you at all?"

As much as I wished it wasn't true, it wasn't just Caleb that came to mind to make such a sacrifice. I was in a better place with my sister but I still wouldn't stop her if she decided to make such a noble gesture.

"You think I don't know hatred when I see it?" Caleb said as he shook his head. "I see it every time you look at me. On the rare occasions when you do look at me."

He looks like he was going to cry. Hazel is already crying, clutching at him as if the decision had already been made. Caleb looks different somehow and I have trouble seeing him as the traitor he is. It didn't help that Hazel looked terrified. I felt for her. I knew what it was like to be afraid for the one you love. If he did this then he would die. There was no stopping it from happening. If he went to the Weapons Lab then he was going to die.

"If I do this…" Caleb started, wrapping his arm around Hazel. Tris shook her head but he held up his hand. "Stop." He told her. "Beatrice, if I do this…will you be able to forgive me?"

For a long moment Tris just looked at him, and then she finally nodded, "Yes." She choked out. "But that's not a good reason to do this."

"I have plenty of reasons." Caleb replied. "I'll do it. Of course I will."

"Caleb, no." Hazel told him before she started to sob, wrapping her arms around him.

He didn't say anything; he simply wrapped her in his arms, resting his chin on the top of her head, still looking at his sister. It didn't take long for people to start to leave. The meeting was over. The decision had been made. Matthew and Caleb were staying behind to fit Caleb for the clean suit. It would keep him alive in the Weapons Lab long enough to set off the memory serum virus. Even then it was only a matter of time.

Slowly walking the halls, Eric held tight to my hand, his brows deeply furrowed as he stared at the ground. I wasn't sure what to say to him so I didn't say anything. Not yet. He'd talk to me when he was ready. And if he was thinking anything like I was then it wasn't a conversation I was ready to have.

Near the dormitory, he pushed me into the nearest room, closing the door behind us. There was a broken bed, as well as a dresser, other than that the room was empty. Eric started to pace and I stood and watched him, wrapping my arms around myself. My anxiety rose with every passing minute. He hadn't been this anxious in a while. It wasn't even his anxiousness that had me worried. He seemed afraid. And he wasn't afraid often. Not like this.

"Don't do anything stupid." He suddenly told me, stopping his pacing to face me.

"What are you talking about?" I frowned at him.

"You already were going to shoot up the lab. Let Caleb die."

I nodded at him, "I will."

For a long moment he just looked at me. "I mean it, Pen."

Stepping up to him, I took his hands, "Eric, I won't do anything stupid." He nodded, seeming to relax; only then I couldn't help but add, "If I can help it."

"See?!" He yelled and paced away from me. "I am begging you, Pen. Something is going to go wrong and I refuse to see you caught in the crossfire."

"I'm smarter than that." I frowned at him. "But you know me well enough to know that I'll do what I have to."

"Pen."

"And you're making it sound like we're not going to be side by side in this fight. What do you know? What did Amar say?"

"We're taking a truck into the city to inoculate the ones we need to. Four is going to purposely give one of his parents the memory serum. Amar is in but he doesn't know the real reason as to why we want to go into the city."

"How is Four going to get away from the rest of us?" I asked him.

"Christina suggested slashing the tires so they'd be forced to separate for another truck." He replied. "And…" He started and paused.

"And what?" I asked stepping toward him.

For a long moment he just looked at me. "And you're not going to be with us. We're not going to be together when it all goes down."

"Okay." I frowned harder, feeling shaking start to take me over, brushing a tear from my eye before it could fall. "And you decided this without me?"

"No." He told me. "I didn't decide shit, Pen. It was decided for me. For you."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because someone needs to stay behind to implement the plan from the inside. Tris is in charge of that and you've already been deemed the person she needs to help her."

"I need to be with you." I told him, closing the distance between us, gripping his shirt. "Eric, I'm not going to do this without out." He nodded, gently taking my face in his hands. "Eric…"

"I know, baby." He nodded again. "But if we want to save our family then you need to do this. I'll take vials to inoculate your parents and Claude and Terra and Simmy and whoever else you want to save but…you're staying here."

Nodding, I dipped my chin, rubbing my fingers between my brows as I tried not to breakdown. Holding my breath, I tried to rein in my emotions, only in the next second I was rushing to the bathroom, throwing up into the toilet, nearly missing as I struggled to lift the lid. Dry heaving, tears streaming, when it was over I sat against the wall, bringing my knees up, draping my arm across them while I buried the fingers of the other in my hair.

Eric sat next to me, putting his arm around me before pressing his lips into my hair. "It's gonna be okay."

Nodding, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, "We finally reach the end of this and we won't even be together for it."

He stood and before I could ask him what he was doing, he was punching the wall. Plaster started to fly from the hole he was making. Jumping to my feet, I rushed to him, gripping his wrist to try and stop him. He was too strong, jerking me back and forth before I let him go. He punched faster, yelling out for the last few before he finally stopped. Quickly taking his hand, his blood dripped down the sides, falling into my palms.

Rubbing my thumbs across his fingers, I met his eyes, "I love you. We'll do what we have to do. Don't disappear on me now. We'll…" I had to stop, swallowing the lump in my throat. "We'll be okay."

"You don't believe that." He told me, a small smirk moving across his face.

Offering him the same, I brought his hand to my lips, placing a kiss against his fingers, "I'll believe it for the both of us." He smiled before bring his other hand to my face, kissing me gently. "Let's clean this."

As soon as I'd finished taking care of his hand, we went back out, looking at the broken bed. It smelled musty from lack of use, but we didn't care. Gripping his fingers, I led him toward it. I crawled onto it, lying on my back as he did the same next to me.

"Well, this is comfortable." He told me, smirking as I looked at him.

Laughing, I rolled over, resting my head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me. He leaned in, kissing me deeply before letting out a long sigh. Smiling, I rested my hand against his face, kissing him again. Wrapping my arm around him, I nestled against his side, the warmth of him calming, the feeling flowing through me. He turned his head, his lips finding my forehead, his breath wafting over me. Shutting my eyes, I listened to the sound of his heart beating, air moving in and out of his lungs.

My lullaby.

In just over twenty-four hours, this fight would be over and we could start our life together. Something that I wanted more than anything. But we didn't know if we'd make it through whatever was going to happen. There was still so much that was unknown and that terrified me. Thinking that we'd both go a different direction and never find our way back to each other. If something happened to him, I would never survive it. If something happened to me, he would never be okay again. As soon as he was out of sight I knew that I'd already be compromised. I'd be worrying about him the entire time and that was something that I couldn't afford. The same would be for him. He was already feeling anxious and afraid and to not know what was going on was going to be torture for him. For the both of us.

"Those damn feelings are getting in the way again." He told me sadly.

"They sure are." I replied. "Tomorrow when it all goes down we need to be able to focus on what we need to do. We can't worry about each other. We need to have faith in each other that we'll do what we need to do and we'll be okay."

"Not possible." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Eric." I said looking up at him. "Baby, I need you to be okay. Because if you're not, I will never be okay again."

"Me neither." He said and kissed me softly.

There was a long moment of silence before I asked, "What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, Pen." He replied, his uncertainty radiating through his voice. "I just don't know."

We fell silent, just lying there holding each other. Only I felt like I'd barely drifted off when I woke up again. Eric was still sleeping though he didn't sound like it was very peaceful. God, how I wished sleep would just take me, letting me find just a small measure of peace. I didn't want to dwell on what tomorrow night might bring. I didn't want scenarios to swim through my mind on everything bad that could happen. I had to keep reminding myself that at the end of it was a future. A future where Eric and I were together, building a life, getting married, having babies. But what if something happened and all that was taken away from us? What if it all backfired and one or both of us died in the process of saving the people we care about? What if –?

I needed to stop with the 'what if' questions. Daring to move, I looked up at Eric, seeing his brows heavily furrowed. Putting my hand against his face, I gently rubbed his cheek with my thumb before I slowly removed myself from his side. Looking down at him, I found myself staring before I leaned down and kissed him softly. Trying not to jostle the bed, I got out of it, stepping up to the window. Looking out at the city, I wrapped my arms around myself. My mind was running a mile a minute and I just couldn't get it to shut off.

"Pen!" Eric yelled, shooting up in the broken bed, practically falling off the edge of it. The sound of him made me jump.

"Eric." I said rushing to him. "Baby."

His chest was heaving, sweat covering his body. The second I was in reach, he pulled me against him. Wrapping my arms around him, I ran my hand down the back of his head, whispering as reassuring words as I could.

"It was just a nightmare." I told him, running my hands along his shoulder blades. "Eric, it's okay."

He nodded, pulling away from me. Taking his head in my hands, my brows furrowed as I took in the tears on his cheeks.

"Eric." I said sadly.

"I'm fine." He said and got off the bed.

Standing, I moved toward him, "Baby."

"I'm fine." He repeated and swiftly left the room.

For a moment I stood there, staring at the open door. He'd left the door open. That was something. Rushing after him, he was already around the corner. Running, I saw him practically sprinting down the hall. Sprinting after him, when I reached him, I slipped my hand into his, leaning against his side. His fingers laced with mine, squeezing my hand tightly.

He led me back downstairs to the GD training room. He immediately went to the punching bags, starting to hit it with all the pent up frustration and worry and fear. Standing and watching him, for a moment all I could think was how he was going to further injure his hand. Only then I was next to him, punching the shit out of the bag in front of me. For minutes we just attacked the bags in front of us. Only then tears were in my eyes and I found my body weakening and unable to keep up the momentum I had going. Putting my hands on either side of the bag, I pressed my forehead against it, crying as I tightly shut my eyes.

"Pen." Eric said putting his hands on my arms.

Turning into his chest, I gripped him as tightly as I could, emotion flowing out of me.

"I love you, Pen. I love you more than anything." He went on.

Moving my arms to his neck, I kissed him passionately, needing to be as close to him as possible. "I love you." I told him through my tears.

"Everything is fine, Pen."

Calming, I scoffed and smirked at him, "Says the man who just ran out of a room after what appeared to be a wicked nightmare. Are mine rubbing off on you?" I asked him, my eyes now dry.

"This whole thing is rubbing off on me!" He yelled.

"Eric." I frowned at him.

"I'm not used to feeling like this!" He went on. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing and feeling!"

"Eric." I said again.

He sighed and dropped his chin against his chest. "Four and Tris and everyone else seem so put together. Me and you should be as put together as they are. I know that they're just as afraid as us. But something feels different, Pen. Something is going to happen and I'm afraid that it will be me or you."

"Stop." I frowned at him. "Eric, just stop. Where is this coming from?"

"You make me weak." He frowned down at me. I nodded at him. "You make me weak and I can't afford to be weak. I have never been this weak before in my life." I nodded at him again. "Something bad is going to happen."

"You may be the weakest you've ever been. But you're still the strongest man I know. You are as tough now as you were the day I met you. You're just…" I started and stopped. "You're just so much more than you used to be. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, even though it took me years to realize it. You're everything to me."

For a long moment he just looked at me, gently taking my head in his hands. "You're everything to me, Pen. Please don't break me."

"I won't, Eric." I told him. "Please don't break me either." There was another long pause. "Is this all just out of fear of what might happen, or is there something you're not telling me?" I asked him gently.

He shook his head, frowning hard again, "I just have a feeling."

Smiling, I brought my hands to his sides, rubbing them, "It's just a feeling, Eric. It doesn't mean anything. And when this is all over we will have that future you like to talk about. A future where we are together and happy."

"And I can get you knocked up." He stated, his hand moving to my stomach.

Laughing, I shook my head at him, "Perhaps."

"You're the one who mentioned kids." He smiled at me.

Running my fingers through his hair, I leaned up, pressing my forehead against his. "Are you feeling better?"

He sighed softly, whispering, "I'm always better when you're here."

"Good." I whispered back and kissed him deeply.

"The crazy has passed for now." He added, running his hand over my hair.

Running my hands up and down his chest, I leaned into him, "Do you want me to help wear you out again?"

He smiled and nodded, his arms sliding around me, "One last time before it all goes down."

Furrowing my brows, forcing the smile to stay on my face, I sighed, "Those kinds of words will completely ruin the moment."

He pressed his lips to mine, moving them to my jawline, then to my neck, leaning me backward as he sucked the skin at the hollow of my neck. My breath shuddered, relaxing, letting him hold my weight, feeling the strength of his muscles. His lips found mine again, leaving me as breathless as always.

"I love you." I told him. "We will get through this."

He responded with his lips, lifting me into his arms.

* * *

 **Just taking a small moment to send my love to all those who have read, favorited, and of course reviewed. You are all very much loved and appreciated!**


	24. Time To Fight Back

**Chapter Twenty-four: Time to Fight Back**

Waking to Eric's lips against my cheek, I was still working on opening my eyes when I heard the hotel door open and close. My eyes shot open and I sat up, looking at it. Sighing, I held the sheet against my chest as I looked around the room. The few things that weren't broken when we slammed through the door were definitely broken now. Shifting my shoulder, there was a jolt of pain, making me reach my hand over it, feeling a series of long scratches. Instead of frowning at the pain, I couldn't help but smile. Rolling to the side, I gripped the pillow, smelling Eric. It had been a good night. The highs, the lows, everything about it had been amazing. If body's could sing with happiness then mine would be a full on orchestra, praising the god that was my future husband, the sound of it making everything hum as the happiness radiated through an unknown blast zone.

God I loved him.

The love I felt for Eric was so much more than I had ever thought it could ever be. I had grown up with parents who loved each other. I had known so many married couples – couples in general – that loved each other so much. Yet the way I was feeling and the way I saw him, it…it transcended everything I ever thought I knew about love. About how two people connect on such a level to want to spend the rest of my life with that person.

I understood that now. I understood what made people spend the rest of their lives with the same person. I wanted that so badly I felt like I was going to explode out of my skin, a white light searching for the dark one that I'd given myself over to fully. Loving a person – faults and all – so much that nothing else mattered. Wanting to love him and bear his children so even the smallest part of him would live on. Knowing that I'd better the world by loving him.

If tonight went as planned, that life was mine. I could grip it, hold onto it, and ride out the rest of my life at the height of happiness. If tonight didn't go as planned and one or both of us was gone, there was still a sense of accomplishment knowing that I'd saved him and showed everyone that he was better than they thought him to be. He was so much better than even he thought he could be. It was that that would see me through whatever happened next. I saved him and if I went down for this fight then the people I loved who were still alive would be safe. He would never be the same but he wasn't the coldhearted killer that he used to be. He no longer let his temper run him. He didn't beat people for his own amusement anymore. He was a good man and he would remain a good man. He'd fall from time to time, but everyone else would help pick him back up. I'd done what I had set out to do. I'd saved him. That was enough for me. The only thing that could make it better would be to be able to live the rest of my life at his side, knowing that he was as in love with me as much as I was with him. He was everything. He was my world. And I was his.

My happiness faltered. I went from upset about it all, to happy, and now I was coming round to the upset part again. He was right. I was making him weak. He made me weak and weak was something that neither of us could afford to be. But it was so hard to stay strong in the face of everything that had been going on. After everything that happened, weakness was expected but it was also the easy way out. It was a reasonable excuse and yet we were Dauntless. We were better than this. We were stronger than this. So tonight would come and we'd do what we had to do. We'd be strong and we would fight to save the thousands of innocent lives that were at risk. We would stop the segregation between GP and GD's. The notion of there being something wrong with anyone would be wiped from memory. The experiments would end and we would know what the world was like before we were born into the manipulation of those that thought they were better than us. We would win and we would have the future we so desperately craved.

Everything was still going through my mind when the door opened again, sitting up again to see Eric come through, balancing two cups of oatmeal and a plate of toast as he attempted to not drop it as he shut the door. As soon as it was shut, he turned to me, a grin crossing his face.

"Good morning, beautiful." He told me.

"Good morning, handsome." I grinned back at him.

He set the food down on the partial table before he moved to me. Slowly crawling over me, his lips met mine as he gently coaxed me back against the pillows. Draping my arm across his neck, I kissed him deeply. Bringing my knee up, his hand slipped beneath the sheet but didn't go to any desirable place. Sighing, I trailed my nails up and down his back, bringing my other hand against his face, running my thumb across his lips.

"I love you." I told him.

He smiled, kissing me again, "I love you too, Penelope Farrier."

Grinning, I pulled him tighter against me, his full weight on top of me. I loved feeling him against me. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Eric."

"Also the worst." He stated, running his fingers through my hair.

"I can handle it." I replied.

He smiled, "I know you can."

For a long moment we just stared at each other, then I sighed again, "Alright, breakfast."

He nodded and got off of me, gripping my hands and pulled me up. Reluctantly putting my clothes back on, we sat on the bed, sitting facing each other as we talked and ate. It was nice to just talk without it having anything to do with what was going on. We just made small talk, making both of us momentarily forget what was going to happen today. Only we couldn't escape it for long. Leaving the room, we went to the dormitory to find Hazel and no one else.

"Hey." I told her kindly.

"Hey." She replied sadly.

Realizing that she had been crying, I bent my leg, sitting in front of her. "You okay?"

"Sure." She frowned. "I've been to hell and back and have found someone I really, really care about and now he's set to die in less than twenty-four hours. So yeah…sure."

Nodding, I sighed, "I get it, Hazel. But we need him to do this."

"Why him?"

"Because right now he's the one with the most transgressions. You come in at a close second so if you feel like he shouldn't do it alone, feel free to join him." I told her calmly with little to no emotion.

"Pen." She frowned.

"I'm not saying that because I don't care or because I want you to die. But I understand doing what you have to do for the man you love." I replied and looked at Eric who was standing with furrowed brows. "So if you can't stand the thought of living without him. Then I can understand you going with him. To help him. To make sure that he doesn't go through it alone."

For a moment she just looked at me, then sarcastic laughter escaped her. "Pen, I am not nearly as selfless as you are. If Eric was going on this suicide mission, you would go with him without even thinking twice about it. He would go with you without you ever having to say a word." She told me, pausing before a depression look crossed her face. "I'm nothing like you, Pen. And Caleb is nothing like Eric. We are so different and as much as it kills me that Caleb is going to die, I will let him do it and I will sit here while everything goes down and I will breath in the memory serum and I will forget him. I will forget you and our parents and everything that I've done and been a part of."

"You'd forget Maggie?" I frowned at her.

She nodded, "I'll forget that I had a middle sister who was killed by the boyfriend of my baby sister. I will forget Jeanine and Erudite. I will forget how horrible I've become."

"You don't have to do this." I told her.

"I don't recognize myself anymore and I don't think I've ever been a good person. Pen, I've never been anything like you or Maggie or Mom or Dad. I've always been different and I don't want to be me anymore. I want to start over."

Looking at Eric, his expression had softened. His chest rose and fell as he sighed, lightly nodding at me. Looking back at my sister, I tucked her hair behind her ear. "Okay."

She met my eyes, tears entering them, "Thank you."

"I'll still be here." I told her. "Even if you don't know me. I'll help you get through this."

She nodded, swiftly putting her arms around me, "Thank you."

Letting her go, I stood, moving to Eric's side. "Where is everyone?" He asked her.

"Underground. They're teaching Caleb how to shoot a gun."

"Thanks." He told her before moving to the door.

Pausing momentarily, I looked at my sister, "I'll see you later."

"Okay." She replied without looking at me.

Leaving, we were moving down the hall, nearly to the stairs when Ainsley appeared around the corner. I hadn't talked to her since after the explosion. She looked just as shocked to see us as we were to see her. She'd been standoffish and I couldn't blame her.

"Hey." I smiled at her.

"Ainsley." Eric said but his tone remained calm. Not necessarily kind but he was being nice. Nicer.

"I've been looking for you." She said looking between us.

"Why?" Eric frowned at her, now the hardness was in his tone.

"Because there are rumors." She shot at him. "Rumors that may spell disaster for you. Both of you."

Looking up at Eric, he was already reacting. He gripped Ainsley and slammed her against the wall, his forearm across her chest. "What rumors?"

"What are you planning?" She retorted.

"Eric." I said putting my hand on his arm.

"There are whispers." She replied. "That you are planning something."

"Who has been hearing these rumors?" He asked.

"Not many." She replied. "Most don't believe it. But it only takes one to believe and tell the wrong person."

"Eric." I said again, gently pushing against his chest.

"Who?" Eric demanded.

"Eric, that's enough." I said shoving him harder, finally moving him away from her. "That is enough." I told him as I put myself between him and Ainsley. "She's on our side. She doesn't need to be threatened to get information."

"It's fine." Ainsley told me as she stepped up to Eric. "I'm here because I care about you. I care about you and about Pen. I care so I'm here to warn you that whatever you have going on isn't going on completely unnoticed. Matthew's supervisor has noticed his absence and will eventually become suspicious enough to start asking questions. So just…be careful."

"It won't matter come tomorrow." He replied.

She looked at me, getting a nod in response, "Then keep your heads down. You can probably make it through one more day." She crossed her arms, nodding at the ground.

"Ainsley." I said sadly.

"I'm not asking what the plan is or what's going on. I just don't want to see you two get hurt." She told us, then her eyes were on Eric. "Not even you."

He scoffed and started to pace the hall. He was tense and annoyed. "I'm not looking for your approval."

"Stop it." I frowned at him. "How many times do I have to tell you that she is not the enemy?"

"I know she's not." He said calming himself. "She's just one more person that could lose everything because of us. Haven't you realized yet that everyone who comes into our lives is put through hell?" He frowned at me.

"I don't need your protection." Ainsley told him. "I know I'm not the type of person who is let into your little group. I'm too happy or too bubbly or just too annoying when I talk too much. I get it. I've kept my distance. I've let go of the exciting idea that I'd be a part of yours and Pen's life. As creepy as I am for having watched you guys, I had this glorified fantasy that I could be a part of it." She paused, nodding at him. "I get it, Eric. I get that you're protecting everyone, Pen more than anyone. And yourself. I get it. So I'm not asking about the plan. I'm not asking to tag alone. What happens will happen and I'm not going to interfere. All I'm doing is helping in the miniscule way that I can." She finished, breathing hard, leaving both Eric and I just staring at her.

"Okay." Eric finally told her.

"Okay?" She frowned.

He nodded, "Okay."

She just looked at him before smiling, "Okay."

"We should go." Eric told me.

"Yeah." I nodded. "We'll see you later." I told Ainsley.

She nodded, "Sounds good."

Putting my hand on her arm, I smiled at her before Eric took my hand, once again leading me down the hall. Making our way down to the underground, we found everyone in the training room, hearing the shots before we'd stepped in. There was a sense of excitement at the sound of the gunfire. It had been a while since I'd fired a weapon and I couldn't help but feel eager to pull off a few shots.

Rushing up behind Four, I picked up the gun nearest me, taking my stance, lined up the shot and let off several, hitting the center of the line of targets. Everyone jumped and turned to me, some smirking while others frowned. I just grinned at them. Holding the gun up, I stepped behind them, letting off a shot after passing each one. Once I'd reached the end, I started to walk backward, doing the same thing while they kept shooting as well.

"You're such a showoff." Tris teased when I'd put the gun down.

I shrugged, "I know. But those dozen bullets felt pretty good."

She nodded, "It is a nice feeling. A sense of normalcy. Almost like we were back home."

"Almost." I agreed.

Eric picked up two guns, tucking one into the back of his pants as he went to stand in front of one of the targets. Following him, I stood a foot or so behind him, watching as he took his stance. He seemed calm and relaxed, only in the next second he had the gun raised and had emptied the clip into the target in front of him. Just as quickly, he dropped the gun, gripping the one in his waistband, shifting position, and emptied the second clip into the target as well. The room had grown silent and I couldn't even try to hide the grin on my face.

"Showoff." Four told him as he took in the hole Eric had created in the target.

"Just because I was made leader doesn't mean I didn't have the skill to be Dauntless."

Four gripped his shoulder, smiling, "I never doubted you, my brother."

Eric smiled and nodded at him. It was still nice to hear them say such things to each other. We'd all come a long way from where we had begun. As soon as training is over, there is little to do but to sit and wait. Eric and I followed Matthew to the lab, having him inoculate us against the memory serum. After, we slowly made our way back to the dormitory. Walking through the door, the room is now empty. Part of me wonders where Hazel went but most of me isn't at all bothered. Leading Eric to our cots, he sat down, gently pulling me into his lap, placing me between his legs. With my back pressed against his chest, he wrapped his arms around me, his face finding my neck, feeling him take a deep breath of me. Smiling, I brought my hand to the back of his head, turning my head and pressed a kiss against his temple.

"We're gonna be okay." He told me as he rested his chin against my shoulder.

"I know." I replied, my hand massaging the back of his neck.

"You believe me now?"

Taking a breath, I let it out slowly, "I have to believe it. I refuse to live without you so I'll be sure to stick to the plan to make sure everything goes smoothly. By this time tomorrow we'll already have started our perfect life together."

"I'll get you knocked up." He teased and gently bit at my neck.

Laughing, he gently rocked me back and forth, his lips against my hair. Turning my head, I kissed him deeply, tasting him as I slipped my tongue between his teeth. He deepened the kiss until I couldn't breathe. There was something about the breathlessness that he brought on that made me never want to breathe again.

"God I love you." I whispered to him.

"I love you." He smiled, kissing me again. "Promise me that you won't do anything stupid."

"I promise." I nodded at him. "Will you promise me the same?"

"I will inoculate our friends and family and then I'm coming back to you."

"After you help Four of course." I told him with furrowed brows.

He smiled, shaking his head, "Yes, after I help Four."

Smiling, I kissed him, "Good boy."

There was a long moment of silence before a mischievous smirk crossed his face. "So, you wanna make out for a while?"

Laughing, I draped my legs over one of his, leaning into his chest as I wrapped my arm around his neck, my hand against his face as my other gripped his bicep as he brought his hand to my face. Then our lips were locked, knowing that this would be the last good opportunity to be nearly as close as we both wanted to be. Last night would have to do for the sex, but this was just as good. His lips were just as addicting now as they ever had been. If not more so. They fit perfectly with mine, tasted amazing, and they made me feel as happy as any person could. If I could stop time and make it so tonight never had to happen, I would. But I knew that wasn't an option. Whether I liked it or not, tonight was going to come.


	25. This Is It

**Chapter Twenty-five: This Is It**

As the day wore on, we managed to fall into a somewhat normal rhythm. We talked and laughed and fooled around, letting our laughter fill the room. We had remained alone for the most part, making it almost feel like we were back in Dauntless, sitting on my bed just being together. Making small talk or arguing about nothing, it was hard not to go back to the time when we were first getting to know each other. It was almost surreal to be having the same type of moments now at what could possibly be our end. The thought was depressing as hell but I couldn't delude myself to believing that everything was going to go perfectly. I couldn't make myself believe that Caleb was the only one who would die tonight. Any or all of us could be dead before the sun rose. If I thought any different, then when something horrible happened it would hurt twice as much. If anything happened to Eric after I convinced myself that he would be fine, I'd end up in a padded cell having gone mad from grief. I didn't try and convince myself but I did keep telling myself that he would be okay. He was smart and capable and he was probably safer away from the compound then we were by staying in it. But it didn't stop me from worrying like crazy. It sucked. This whole thing just sucked.

After a while, Eric finally fell asleep. I should've been sleeping too but I just wasn't tired enough to even attempt it. Every time I blinked the whole thing flashed through my head, worst case scenarios at the forefront of my mind. It made me dread shutting my eyes. I had been talking his ear off, my sketchbook open as he rested his head in my lap, hugging my thighs with his strong arm. When his soft noises started to escape him, I couldn't help but stare at him. He was such a beautiful man and he was all mine. Focusing on the future ahead of us, I stroked his hair, running my nails down his back as I leaned forward to place a kiss against his temple.

Feeling slightly morbid, I turned to a clean page, leaving the partially completed Eric portrait to start something different. Despite how selfish I could be at times, I never thought myself a great beauty or felt the need to be in any way narcissistic. However, in this moment, right now, my face started to appear as my pen moved across the paper. Attempting to not be overly critical of myself, and even though I knew what I looked like, the picture still seemed a bit off to me when I had finished it. Taking a deep breath, I jotted a note to him across the top and bottom. Simple. Nothing too extravagant, knowing that there would never be enough pens or paper to put down all the things I would want to say to him.

Deciding that it was good enough, I made sure it was dry before I carefully ripped it out of the book. Folding it in half, turning it and folding it again, I slipped it into Eric's back pocket. He wouldn't notice it for what could possibly be days, and if something happened to me there would be one piece of me he could take with him. Along with all the pictures we'd taken with the camera Ainsley gave me.

Furrowing my brows, I shifted, reaching for the camera. The movement woke Eric, making him roll his back against my side as I lay sideways to allow my hand to search further. Finally finding it, I ran my fingers through my hair as I sat up, Eric's head hitting the cot.

"Pen." He frowned with mock annoyance.

When I didn't say anything he sat up, looking at me as I looked through the pictures, wishing there were more of them. "We should take come pictures." I finally told him.

"No." He replied and took the camera from me.

"Eric." I frowned as I reached for it.

He turned it off and put it amongst my things. "Pen, taking pictures right now would just be one more way of saying goodbye. You'd spew something about having something to remember you by. Having a little piece of you from the last day we were together." He told me before anger crossed his face. "Well screw you, Pen." He shot at me angrily. "It's been a good day. I felt good about what's going to happen. Don't ruin it with sentiment. Not yet."

All the while he didn't look at me. Scooting closer to him, I took his hands in mine, sighing as I ran my thumbs along the top of them. "I'm sorry. I just…I don't want to regret anything. I don't want to regret not taking one last picture together before we leave. You're right. It's been a good day. I'm happy and I just want to hold on to that moment. I didn't mean it as a goodbye."

He nodded, bringing his hand to my face, "I get it. But I'm still not doing it."

"Fine." I pouted.

He smirked, pulling me into his lap, his arms moving around me. Gently taking his face in my hands, I kissed him deeply. Moving my hand to the back of his neck, the other moving under his arm, hugging his shoulder, I pressed myself against his chest. Deepening the kiss, I couldn't help but relax, attempting to melt into him.

"I love you." I told him.

He ran his hand down my back, "I love you too."

Before anything else could happen, the doors opened and Four came striding in. My stomach lurched and I felt like I was going to throw up. Tears entered my eyes without permission and I felt shaking start to take me over.

"No." I told him as I shook my head. "I'm not ready."

"Sorry, Opie." He told me sadly.

"Eric." I said gripping the sides of his head as I pressed my forehead against his. "Baby."

"I'm gonna be okay." He told me, his arms around me tightly. "I love you so god damned much."

"I love you too." I told him and then was kissing him again. "I love you, Eric." More kissing. "I love you more than anything."

"We gotta go." Four told him.

Eric kept me in his arms as he stood. Wrapping my arms and legs around him, I took a deep breath of him, unable to love him more; feeling the tickle against my neck as he breathed me in as well. Smiling, I let myself drop from his arms, keeping his hands as I leaned up and kissed him yet again.

"Gotta go, baby." He told me, his forehead against mine again.

Nodding, I took a step away from him, his hand still in mine. Letting it go, I turned to Four, putting my arms around him. "I love you, Tobias. Please be safe."

"I will." He told me. "I'll keep him safe, Opie. He'll come back to you."

"I'm going to hold you to that." I replied as I let him go.

He put his hand against my face, smiling at me sweetly. "I love you too."

Wiping a tear that had started to slide down my cheek, I laughed lightly, smirking at them. "Okay. Go be heroes. Save our families."

Eric stepped up to me, taking my face in his hands. Bringing mine to his forearms, I gently rubbed them. "I'll be back. I love you, Pen. Don't do anything stupid."

"I promised I wouldn't." I smiled at him. "I love you, Eric."

Hugging him tightly, I could hardly breathe and yet I never wanted him to let me go. When he finally did, he kissed me once more before he turned and swiftly left the room. Standing there, staring at the door, I half expected him to come back for just one more. It was always just one more for us. But he didn't. The room remained quiet and I just stood there. Alone. Turning back to the cots, I walked to Eric's, picking up his pillow and pressed it against my face. The tears started to flow and I sat on the edge of it, clutching the pillow against my chest. He would be okay. I would be okay. We'd be together again in just a matter of hours.

Getting myself under control, I finally moved from the room, needing to find Tris. I assumed that after Four left she would want to be with her brother. There were only so many places to look for them, guessing right the first time as I stepped into the lab to see Tris, Caleb, Hazel, and Matthew there. Caleb was looking through a microscope, talking with Matthew. Stepping up to Tris, I wrapped my arms around myself and looked at her. She looked at me expectantly. Sighing, I nodded, dropping my eyes to the ground. Hearing her sigh, she gently nudged me before we both tuned in to what Caleb and Matthew were talking about. For a few moments we watched and listened, but neither of us was very focused. At least I wasn't. All I could think of was Eric.

"How you holding up?" Tris asked me.

"Not well." I told her, feeling emotion start to flow again.

It was a constant ebb and flow, trying to be strong and yet couldn't help but feel weak. All I wanted to do was cry and cry and cry. I was afraid and worried and anxious. Despite the plan, we had no idea how things were going to go down and there was no time to change anything. Eric and Four were already gone and we were left here to finish it. It was up to us. So, yeah, I wasn't doing very well.

"Me neither." She told me.

Hazel scoffed and started to pace behind Caleb. He shot her a look, which quieted her, but she continued to pace. It could have been a lot worse for us. Our men were safer than hers. Caleb was going to die and she was going to willingly forget everything. Things could definitely be a lot worse. More than that, they could still get a lot worse before this was all over.

"I'm sorry." I told my sister, the words slipping from my mouth before I had even thought them. She looked confused, making me blink rapidly as I tried to think of what I wanted to say. "About everything. About Erudite. About Mom and Dad. About Maggie. A lot that happened has been because of me. Of us. And I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry I defected and forever formed a rift between us. I'm sorry that your boyfriend has to die. I'm just..." I started and stopped. "I'm sorry."

She seemed to soften, just the slightest, "Thank you."

"This is definitely it." Caleb said, his eye once again looking into the microscope.

"The attack simulation serum, I mean. No question."

Matthew nodded, "It's always good to have another person verify."

"What are we doing?" I frowned at Tris.

The men had left, we were getting ready to release the memory serum on the compound, Caleb is set to die and he's analyzing serums? What the hell were we doing?

"I'm not dying without knowing for sure that it's for a good reason. I needed to see it for myself." Caleb told me.

For a long moment I just looked at him, my chest clenching and for a moment I wish that he didn't have to do this. "Okay. Sorry." I told him.

"Tell me the activation code again." Matthew told him.

The activation code was what would enable the memory serum weapon, and another button will deploy it instantly. A two-step process that we couldn't afford to get wrong. That Caleb couldn't afford to get wrong. Frustration was clear on Caleb's face; making me wonder how many times Matthew has asked him to repeat it. My guess was: too many.

"I have no trouble memorizing sequences of numbers!" Caleb shot at him.

"I don't doubt that." Matthew told him calmly. "But we don't know what state of mind you'll be in when the death serum begins to take its course, and these codes need to be deeply ingrained."

I found myself flinching at the words "death serum" and watched as Caleb did as well. Glancing at Tris, she was staring at her shoes. This sucked. This sucked so fucking much. Why was it up to us to take care of this? There were so many other older and smarter people who could be doing this for us. Most of us were just kids and the rest of us were not adult enough to do it. I mean, we could handle it, but we shouldn't have to.

"080712." Caleb recited. I memorized it as well, feeling like the more who know it, the better chance we'd have to succeed if something went wrong. "And then I press the green button."

I repeated the number and button color over and over again in my mind. I didn't want to forget. I was here to make sure that Tris's plan succeeded and despite promising not to do something stupid, if Caleb failed and if Tris couldn't do it or failed as well, the next person in line was me. Feeling nauseous, I went to the corner and sat against the wall, the coolness against my back welcoming. Putting my head in my hand I took several deep breaths in an attempt to keep my stomach contents in my stomach.

"You've been nauseous a lot lately." Tris stated as she sat next to me.

"Tell me again what everyone else is doing." I replied.

She sighed, "Cara is in the control room spiking their drinks with peace serum so she can shut off the lights in the compound while they're too drunk to notice. The same way that Nita and Tobias managed it a few weeks ago." I nodded, listening. "When the lights go off we'll run for the Weapons Lab. The cameras won't be able to see us in the dark."

"Okay." I nodded.

"We have the explosives that Reggie gave us. We'll attach the box there against the second set of laboratory doors."

"Because the first set hasn't been fixed since the attack." I finished.

"Right." She nodded.

Taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly, I nodded again, "Okay."

"You can do this." She told me.

"I know I can." I replied. "My ability to do it isn't the problem."

"Then what is? Eric?"

"He's not here and if something goes wrong..." I started and trailed off.

"We've got this, Pen. You've helped teach me how to be strong. We've been through hell and back and we're still here. We can do this, Pen."

"I know." I told her with a small smile. "And thank you."

"You're welcome." She replied. "And I kind of love you." She added quickly.

"Love you too." I smiled, nudging her.

There was a short moment of silence before Matthew spoke, "I think that's it. Now all we have to do is wait for a little while."

"Matthew, do you think you could leave us alone for a bit?" Tris asked him as she got to her feet.

"Of course." Matthew smiled. "I'll come back when it's time."

Watching him go, he closed the door behind him. My eyes move to Tris and then to Caleb, both of us watching as he ran his hands over the clean suit, the explosives, and the backpack they go in. He put them all in a straight line, fixing the corners. I know he's nervous. How could he not be? Getting to my feet, I went to Hazel who was sitting at the end of one of the tables. She was looking about as defeated as I'd ever seen her to be.

"Hey." I told her as I sat across from her. Glancing over my shoulder, I could hear Caleb reminiscing about their childhood, figuring now was as good a time for me to do the same. "I know this isn't how you thought things would happen, and I know we've been on opposite sides of all this, but I am happy to have you here. It's nice to be with family." She nodded at me, her brows furrowed. "I'll tell Mom and Dad that you helped save them. That you're no longer the traitor you used to be."

She laughed and shook her head. "Tell them whatever you want, Pen. I don't care anymore." Tears welled and I was having trouble looking at her. She noticed and it only seemed to fuel her anger. "Your boyfriend is going to survive this and you're going to get married and have kids. Your future is so bright that it's blinding me. You just sitting there is rubbing it in my face. You and Eric and Tris and Four, you're all going to survive this and live long happy lives with the people you love. Me? The person I care about it going to willingly die so his precious sister and savior of the Faction War will forgive him. Do you realize how screwed up that is?" She told me with venom. "Eric has murdered people and even he's saved from dying. You've killed people. Four and Tris have killed people. Caleb has no blood on his hands and yet he's the one dying for you."

"He has blood on his hands." I frowned at her. "He just didn't spill it himself."

She scoffed and nodded, "You would think that."

"It's not what I think. It's what I know." I retorted. "He knew what Jeanine was planning. He let Abnegation get slaughtered and he let her kill the Divergent."

"I know." She shot at me, but the way she didn't look at me, her shoulders slouching forward, she knew I was right. "It's not fair. That's all I'm saying."

"You're right. It's not fair." I told her. "Nothing about this is fair. I wish we never knew about this compound. I wish I was still in Dauntless. If none of this had happened, people that I love and the people that they love would still be alive. None of this is fair, Hazel. But that's life. It's not supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be hard and messy, breaking us down so we can learn to pick ourselves back up. At the end of all this we will be exactly where we need to be. Everything happens for a reason. I have to believe that or I'd fall apart. There has to be a reason for all of this to be happening. There just has to be."

"That's a load of crap and you know it." She told me as she laughed lightly. "The only reason this is happening is because people disagreed with each other." I just looked at her, frowning, not sure how to respond to it. "And what about Caleb?" She asked. "The only reason I see for him to die is to appease Tris. I can't really see the bigger picture on that one."

"No." I said shaking my head, glancing at the pair who was laughing about something. "I can't either."

"But you're going to let it happen." She stated.

"Yes, I am." I replied.

She scoffed again. "You're picking the lesser of two evils."

"I'm picking my family." I told her. "Tris is my family and despite Caleb being her brother, I will protect her. Even if it's at his expense."

"I'm your sister by blood and you're going to side with someone you hated just months ago."

"I am." I nodded. "She's been more of a sister to me than you have. She's been there for me through thick and thin. Even when we're fighting, hating each other, she's still been more of a sister to me than you."

"I deserve that."

"Damn right you do." I shot at her. "I love you, Hazel. But I'm starting to feel less guilty about your choice to forget. Maybe you'll become a better person once you don't remember your past."

"I'm not a bad person, Pen." She told me. "I'm just more honest about myself than you are."

"Whatever, Hazel." I said and stood, walking away from her.

I wanted to be on better terms with her before everything started. I wanted to feel like we were in a good place so when she lost her memory I'd want to be there to see her through it. But right now I couldn't care less. Let her wander the world until someone took pity on her. Let her forget everything she'd ever said and done. Let her guilt be lifted while I remembered everything she ever told me. The fights, the tears, the laughter, and everything in between. But it felt like what I'd remember most was her betrayal. Willingly allowing her mentor and leader to kill me. Then when things didn't go as planned she blamed me for the death of the one person she actually cares about. I thought we'd been doing better. Now at the end it seemed like we were right back where we had begun.

Stepping next to Tris, I don't know what they're talking about, but the question that came out of her mouth spiked my curiosity. "What is the biggest reason that you're doing this?" She asked him. "The most important one?"

"Don't ask me that, Beatrice." He told her sadly. Hazel glared at me as she put her arm across his shoulders.

"It's not a trap." She told him. "It won't make me un-forgive you. I just need to know."

It was a long drawn out moment before he replied. "I guess I feel like it's the only way I can escape the guilt for all the things I've done. I've never wanted anything more than I want to be rid of it."

"If only others shared your desire." I replied softly.

Tris looks hurt by his words and Hazel's eyes are attempting to cut through me as I glared back. These two were making everything better while I couldn't make it right with Hazel no matter how hard I tried. She'd hate me forever if she kept her memories. Blaming me for the death of her boyfriend that she cared so much about. She cared for him but she had yet to say she loved him. Not once. It made me wonder how she really felt about him. How was his death really going to affect her?

Before anyone can say anything else, a voice spoke through the intercom in the corner. "Attention all compound residents. Commence emergency lockdown procedure, effective until five o'clock a.m. I repeat, commence emergency lockdown procedure, effective until five o'clock a.m."

Tris and I looked at each other as panic started to fill my veins. Even Caleb and Hazel look alarmed. Then the door was shoved open and Matthew appeared.

"Shit." He said before repeating it louder. "Shit!"

"Emergency lockdown?" Tris said to him. "Is that the same as an attack drill?"

"Basically. It means we have to go now, while there's still chaos in the hallways and before they increase security." He replied.

"Damn it." I whispered as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Why would they do this?" Caleb asked.

"Could be they just want to increase security before releasing the viruses." Matthew replied. "Or it could be that they figured out we're going to try something - only, if they knew that, they probably would have come to arrest us."

Our eyes fell on Caleb. It's time. Tris and I looked at each other before crossing the room and grabbed our guns from the counter. Putting it in the back of my pants, I didn't want to use it unless I had to. We'd been waiting for this moment and yet now that it was here I felt more panicked than I had thought I would. Looking at Tris, something is going through her head and when she met my eyes I was suddenly terrified that I was going to break my promise to Eric. Something was wrong.

"Let's go." She told me.

"Tris." I said wanting to ask her what she was thinking.

"Not right now." She replied.

Swiftly moving into the hall, we attempted to keep an even pace as to not bring any unwanted attention toward our little party. Though the hallway was eerily quiet despite the fact that there were people everywhere. My shoulder was continuously bumped, making me feel like I was being forced backward rather than moving forward.

Panic was swiftly growing inside of me. Something had already gone wrong, making me dread continuing this little mission. Eric flooded my mind and I couldn't help but worry for him. It was easier than worrying for myself. It helped me focus more if I was worrying about him. Though it was hard to focus on anything as the number of security guards started to increase. We were about to go down a hallway that no one had any reason to go down. Red flags would go up and it could be over before we really had a chance to start.

"I think something must have happened to Cara." Matthew told us. "The lights were supposed to be off by now."

Tris and I both nodded and my fingers twitched with my need to grab my gun. I was now completely sure that it would be empty by the time tonight was over. With the heavy security and Cara failing, we were quickly running out of options.

"Tris." I told her, knowing that something needed to be done if we wanted to reach our destination.

"I know." She told me touching Caleb's arm as I grabbed Matthew. We all stopped in the middle of the hallway. "I have an idea. We split up. Caleb and I will run to the lab. Pen, you and Matthew cause some kind of diversion."

"Okay." I nodded at her.

"A diversion?" Matthew frowned.

"Yes." I said pulling out my gun.

"You have a gun, don't you?" Tris told him as if he was being ridiculous. "Fire into the air."

My gun is already aimed above the heads of the people surrounding us. Aiming at a sign down the way, I looked at Tris.

"Do it." She nodded at me.

Without pause, I shot the sign, sparks flying from the metal as it burst apart. At the same moment, Tris gripped Caleb and the pair of them was already sprinting down the hallway. Matthew lifted his gun as well, firing directly above us at one of the glass panels. People are screaming now, glass falling on top of us, shattering as it hit the ground.

Guards are immediately running toward us, making steel run through my veins, my mind already working through my next move. Putting my gun back in the back of my pants, the distraction would last longer if I didn't shoot every one of them. They'd come, but they weren't going to take me. Matthew scooted closer against my side, fear in his eyes, shaking as he briefly touched me. The first guard to reach us moved to grip his arm. Swiftly gripping the guard's wrist, I snapped his arm at the elbow, shoving him to the ground as he exclaimed with pain. Matthew quickly moved behind me, shifting with me as I fought off the guards.

More and more were coming, only then I saw several veer off down the hall leading to the Weapons Lab. Looking at Matthew, he shrugged, not knowing what to do. Pulling my gun back out, I used the butt of it to knock out the nearest guard, looking down at Matthew with a torn look. He puffed out his chest, taking out his gun as well, and nodded at me. In the next second I'm flying down the hallway, ignoring the shouts to stop and drop my weapon. Ahead of me, security guards turned a corner and then another, me following behind them, only then I hear them yell at Tris.

They were so close.

It felt like everything was slowing down and no matter how fast I ran, I wasn't gaining any ground. The guards were still yelling at them, but I knew Tris and I knew that she was moving to plan B. The panic that had momentarily left me was back in full force. My legs burned with how fast I was trying to push them.

"He's my hostage! Come any closer and I'll kill him!"

"Don't do it, Tris!" I yelled in her direction.

"Get down on the floor!" Her voice yelled again.

Turning the corner, I could see guards standing in the hallway, then there is a shot and everyone is in motion. The guards rush past someone on the floor. Caleb. He's clutching his shoulder, writhing with pain. Rushing past him, I knew that Tris hadn't mortally wounded him. She was simply taking his place.

My legs felt like they were going to give out as I finally felt like I was close to Tris. Like I could save her from doing this. I was still several yards behind the guards when other shots were heard. She'd made it to the entrance. When the shots stopped, I knew that she had killed them meaning she was setting the explosives. In the next moment, the walls shook as she triggered them. The guards had reached her, stopping and fired at her. Without slowing, I raised my gun and shot both of them, closing the distance before their bodies hit the floor.

"Tris!" I screamed as I rounded the corner, still moving toward her.

"Stay back!" She yelled at me.

"Tris, don't do this!"

She turned, her hand outstretched, her eyes wide but I was already too far. "Pen, it's already in the air!"

It was too late.

The effects were almost immediate. My body attempted to cough it up, only my lungs felt as if they were sticking together, unable to inflate anymore. Tris had slumped to her knees and I attempted the few steps it would take to reach her. My body felt weighted and each step was agonizing. My eyes attempt to drift shut but I keep them open, holding my breath as I took another step toward Tris. I wanted to say her name but no words would come out. I watched as she put her hand against the floor, pushing herself up. She turned and looked at me, frowning as she shifted toward me. Taking another step, she shook her head, reaching out and pushed me away from her as hard as she could. I stumbled backward, taking in her expression. She was scared and yet determined. But I knew what she wanted. More than that I knew that I didn't want to die. I needed to get away from it. I needed to move.

Turning, I stumbled forward, falling to my knees. For a moment I stayed there, attempting to push air in and out of my lungs. Pushing myself back up onto my feet, I attempted to move away from the vestibule. I needed to move away from it to get away from the serum. My heartbeat was racing in my ears. After another agonizing step, I realized that I hadn't taken a breath in what felt like minutes. Attempting to take one, I found that my lungs would no longer take in the air. My heart continued to race as panic started to take over. Adrenaline flooded my system, only it was useless against the death serum. Lightheadedness started to make the edges of my vision blacken. Again I tried to take a breath, but nothing happened. My heartbeat was slowing. I was listening and feeling, completely aware that I was dying. I could feel every part of me starting to shut down. Oxygen deprivation taking its toll. But I wasn't ready to go. I wasn't done yet. I needed to help Tris and I needed to get her back to Four. I needed to get back to Eric.

Eric.

I needed him. I needed him and now I was going to die without seeing him one last time. You never think the last time you see someone will truly be the last. We'd talked about it. We'd come to terms with the fact that something might happen but that we had to keep going. We had to finish this fight. But I never truly believed that either of us was going to die tonight. I believed that we were going to make it through and live out our lives together and happy. I wanted my happily ever after and now…now I was leaving him. If either of us were going to die, I honestly didn't think it was going to be me. I thought he would do something foolish and get himself killed. Only it was me. I did the foolish thing and here I was, feeling myself die.

My vision continued to blacken, no air filling my lungs, my heartbeat continuing to slow in my ears. All the while I had continued to try and keep moving forward, feeling that if I just got far enough away that I could fight it and that I would be alright. Only then my legs were so heavy I couldn't move anymore. Eric flooded my mind, smiling at me from my memory, comforting me at the end. Making one last effort to take a breath, my vision gone, my eyes fell shut as I fell forward, everything falling away before I hit the ground.


	26. Never Let You Go

**Chapter Twenty-six: Never Let You Go**

The plan was in motion.

The truck had been taken and we were on our way to the city. Taking the vials of the memory serum vaccine from my pocket, I rolled them over each other repeatedly as I stared at them. Something didn't feel right. With every passing moment the feeling grew stronger and stronger. Looking at Four and everyone, I attempted to keep my focus, knowing that I needed to be here to make sure that Pen's family and friends were safe from the serum. Four had enough on his plate, if I decided to take off then it would just add more to his. But I wasn't sure I could go through with this.

Snow was swirling outside, lowering our visibility. I could feel the cold coming in through the cracks in the door. Putting the vials back into my pocket, I rubbed my hands together, taking a slow deep breath before checking the gun George had given me. It feels heavier than usual, just adding to the unease that was growing inside of me. Thanks to Tori's brother, we would be clear, no one noticing the missing truck and no one watching us on the monitors. No one other than George.

Staring out the window, we're getting closer to the city. The buildings are dark and ominous as if they know something we don't. Amar is driving fast, trusting the weight of the truck to keep us from slipping and sliding along the road. Then the city lights start to appear in the distance. My stomach turning and all I can think of is Pen. Hoping that she hadn't done anything stupid. I knew she was going to. It wasn't in her to stand idle while things were happening. She'll throw herself into whatever the situation is, especially if it involved the people she cared about.

"I can't believe we're going back." Peter said quietly.

"Me either." Four replied and I'm pretty sure he means it.

I couldn't say the same. I always had a feeling that I'd end up back in the city. I had wanted to leave it behind and everything and everyone that was inside of it. And here I was, returning so I could save the people I had happily left behind. For the briefest of moments my parents entered my mind and I couldn't help but feel angry that if we didn't succeed, they would survive and be able to start over, never remembering what they did to me. Part of me wanted to find them and give them what they deserved, just in case Pen and Tris failed.

Pen.

She wouldn't fail. She wouldn't let Tris fail. She would be okay.

"Everything is going to be okay." Four told me, his knee pressed against mine from us and Peter being stuffed into the back of the truck.

"Sure." I replied.

"They'll be okay. You know they'll get it done. No matter what."

Meeting his eyes, I couldn't help but glare at him. "That's what I'm worried about. I get not wanting to wipe the city. But if the cost is too much then they need to just back off and let it happen."

"That's not them." Christina piped up.

"I know." I replied as I looked out the window again.

There was a long heavy silence before Amar broke it, "Where should we go to find Zeke?"

"Zeke and his mother joined up with the revolt." Four told him. "So wherever most of them are is my best bet."

"Control room people said most of them have taken up residence north of the river, near the Hancock building." Amar replied. "Feel like going zip lining?"

"Absolutely not." Four replied.

Amar laughed. I would have as well if it were under better circumstances.

The truck grew quiet as we kept moving; taking me further from the compound and the feeling to turn back is starting to burn in my gut. My chest felt tight and my heart was racing despite how calm I felt. I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

"Four." I said looking at him.

Only then Christina interrupted me, "Um…Amar? I hate to say this, but I really need to stop. And…you know. Pee."

"Right now?" Amar asked.

"Yeah. It came on all of a sudden."

He sighed and pulled over to the side of the road.

"You guys stay here, and don't look!" Christina told us as she got out.

She disappeared and then there was the slightest bounce of the truck as she slashed the tires. If you hadn't been expecting anything to happen then you would never notice it. My stomach turned again as she got back in, a small smile on her face.

Amar drove for a few more minutes before anything happened. The truck shuddered and started to bounce like we were going over bumps.

"Shit." Amar said, scowling at the speedometer. "I can't believe this."

"Flat?" Four asked very nonchalantly.

"Yeah." He sighed, easing onto the brakes so the car slipped to a stop by the side of the road.

Four looked at me before telling him, "I'll check it." He jumped out and walked to the back of the truck.

"I'll help him." I added and slid out as well.

Going around to the back, I took in the completely flat tires, flayed by Christina's knife. Four peered through the back windows to make sure there's only one spare.

"It's working." He told me.

"I don't think I can go with you." I blurted out.

He frowned at me, turning so he could face me better. "We don't have time for any doubts, Eric. We're too far away from the compound to turn back now. And I need you with me. I can't do this without you."

"You can." I told him. "You don't need me, Four. But I feel like Pen does."

"She'll be fine." He told me, walking away to tell the others about the tires. "Both back tires are flat and we only have one spare. We're going to have to abandon the truck and get a new one."

"Shit!" Amar exclaimed, smacking the steering wheel. "We don't have time for this. We have to make sure Zeke and his mother and Christina's family are all inoculated before the memory serum is released, or they'll be useless."

"Calm down." I shot at him.

Four looked at me before Amar, "I know where we can find another vehicle. Why don't you guys keep going on foot and I'll go find something to drive?"

Amar's expression brightened. "Good idea."

Before we left the truck, Four and I both re-checked our guns. Everyone piled out of it, shivering as the cold air hit them. Looking at Four, he just raised a brow and shook his head at me. I didn't want to leave him behind, and yet I kept looking back the way we'd come. My body aching to run back to the compound.

Four looked at his watch, "So you need to inoculate them by what time?"

"George's schedule says we've got an hour before we reset the city." Amar replied, checking his watch too, to make sure. "If you want us to spare Zeke and his mother the grief and let them get reset, I wouldn't blame you. I'll do it if you need me to."

Four shook his head, "Couldn't do that. They wouldn't be in pain, but it wouldn't be real."

"As I've always said," Amar smiled, "once a Stiff, always a Stiff."

Frowning at him, I couldn't help but hate that word. I had used the word more than anyone and now that I'd gotten to know Four and Tris, I hated it. After being with Pen, the term just grated and I hated it. Anger and unease was flowing through me and I had to step away from the rest of them.

Pen. Pen, Pen, Pen, Pen, Pen. Pen.

Everything was fine. I was worrying for nothing.

Shutting my eyes, I rested my head back against my shoulders, taking a deep breath and pushed it out forcefully. "Everything is fine. She's fine."

"Eric, let's go." Four called to me.

Looking at him, Peter is with him as well. Raising a brow, I sighed and nodded, following as they moved away from the truck. Only, it took just a few minutes of walking to know, without a doubt, I couldn't go through with it. Going with Four was what I should do, but something was wrong. Our women stayed behind to make sure that the memory serum was released. Now we were racing to save those we cared about from the effects of it. The people that Pen cared about. There was no one else I cared about more than her and I told her that I would make sure that those she loved left in the city would receive the inoculation. I promised I wouldn't let her down. I promised that I would see it done. In turn she promised me that she would be okay and that she wouldn't risk herself. She promised she wouldn't do anything stupid. If it went south then she'd run and get everyone with us out of there.

But I knew that that was just wishful thinking. She would run if everyone else ran with her. But she wouldn't abandon anyone. She wouldn't abandon Tris and Tris wouldn't give up for anything. She wouldn't back down and she would make sure that it was done. That was who she was. And I knew who Pen was. She wouldn't let Tris do it alone. She would help her get it done if she asked her to. They've gone back and forth since the day they met but I knew that Pen wouldn't abandon her.

Once she lets you in, there is no leaving.

"She's gonna do something stupid." I whispered as I looked back toward the compound. "Take these." I told Four, holding out the vials from my pocket.

"What are you doing?" He frowned.

"Take them."

"Eric." Four said with an air of panic.

I shook my head at him, "I can't go."

"She'll be fine. They'll both be fine." He stated. Pen was the only reason I'd turn back now. "We're too close to turn back now. We'll get to everyone we need to and we'll get back to them."

"Here." I said forcing the vials into Peter's hand. "You know who to inoculate?"

We'd gone over it just in case something happened. He nodded, "Yeah."

"See it done." I told him with authority.

"I will." He nodded.

Turning to walk away from them, Four gripped my arm. "Eric."

Turning back to him, I frowned at him. "Get it done and get back as soon as you can." He just frowned at me with a question in his eyes. "Something's wrong, Tobias." I told him as I shook my head. "I'll take care of them. Just make sure Peter gets to Claude and Terra and Pen's parents before it's time. And don't forget Simmy."

"You need to come with us." Four told me. "We don't have enough time without you."

"Get it done, Tobias." I told him, pulling out the voice usually reserved for initiates and those I want to fear me.

For a long moment he stared at me, then he nodded, "Fine."

"Something is wrong and if I'm right, we're both wasting too much time. Now go." I told him and stepped back. "Get it done."

"Be careful." He told me, swiftly pulling me into a hug.

"You too." I replied as I hugged him back. "Now go."

For a moment I watched them walk away, nodding at Peter as he glanced over his shoulder. Taking a few steps backward, I turned and took off running. I had no time to spare and I needed to get back there before they moved. Before they did anything stupid. Dread was seeping into me and for a second I couldn't breathe, thinking that I'd get there and she'd be gone. Pushing myself faster, it would take hours to get back and it was already taking too long.

Running as fast as possible, I felt like the snow was melting underneath my feet as I pushed myself faster and faster. Flying across the snow, I felt like I was leaving a trail of white behind me. Even when my legs were numb with the effort to keep the swift pace, I didn't slow down, ignoring the pain and exhaustion. Keeping my mind on Pen, I would do anything to get back to her.

As soon as the gates were in sight, they stood unmanned as I reached them. No one was there to guard them or to stop me. Letting myself into them, I rushed to the compound, bursting through the doors. As soon as I was through, I knew that the serum was out. People were roaming the halls but it was obvious that they had no idea what was going on or what they should be doing. Racing through the halls, I passed several people, all looking dazed and confused. My heart was racing, pounding in my ears as I raced toward the lab.

Up ahead in the hall I could see Caleb and Cara sitting against the wall. Cara's face was bruised and there is a bandage on her head. Both stood and looked at me with sympathy. Caleb wasn't supposed to be alive. Tris had done something stupid.

Where's Pen?

"Where is she?!" I yelled as I reached them.

They just looked at me. Then Cara said my name. The way she said it made ice run through my veins. They would have had to face the death serum in order to get into the lab. Caleb was alive and Cara's tone was already telling me what happened. Racing past them, I turned the corner, seeing the bodies of guards and then another, splayed out on the floor unnaturally.

"Pen!" I yelled. "Pen!" Telling myself to be gentle with her, not wanting to do further damage, when I reached her, I yanked her from her stomach, rolling her into my arms with such force I thought I'd hurt her. "Baby." I said looking at her. Her eyes were shut, looking as peaceful as she did when she was sleeping soundly. "Pen."

Putting my ear next to her mouth, nothing was passing her lips. I felt as if my chest was caving in. Unable to breathe, I let my head fall back, the tears coming faster than I ever thought possible. Then I was screaming. Screaming my agony as I started to rock her. For a moment I buried my face in her chest, sobbing as I clutched her against me. Pressing my ear against it, all I wanted was to feel it rise and fall, hear the sound of her strong heart.

My sobs stopped as fast as they started, gripping her tighter against me. My eyes shot open as I heard her heart beating. It was slower than it should be, but it was beating. Lowering her to the ground, I tilted her head back, pinching off her nose and breathed into her. If her heart was still beating then I could get her to breathe again. She would breathe again. She would never leave me.

"Eric." Cara said as she stepped forward. "Is she…?"

"Not yet." I replied before giving her another breath.

"Cara!" Caleb cried.

She swiftly moved away from us, going into the lab. There was murmuring and I looked over my shoulder to see a very disoriented David. It served him right. He should have been killed. Tris should have killed him.

"Is she all right?" I called in between breaths. "You're gonna be okay." I told Pen. "Everything is gonna be okay." No one was saying anything behind me. "Cara! Is Tris all right?!"

Caleb came out then, pale with tears running down his cheeks. I can see blood on his hands and I knew then that Tris was not okay. Missing a breath as I took it in, I kept breathing for Pen. I would breathe for her for the rest of my life if I had to. If Tris was gone there was no way in hell I was letting Pen go. Or maybe it would be more fair that way. If Tris was dead then Four would be too. If Pen died then we'd once again be in the same boat.

But I was too selfish for that.

"Come on, baby." Breath. "Please, Pen." Breath.

Soon there were more steps and a group of people came racing around the corner. They were ours. Some held the medical bags I'd grown to recognize. Arms were on my shoulders and I was pulled backward. An ambu bag was placed over her mouth, continuously being squeezed, watching as her chest rose and fell. Then they had a stretcher and she was being put on top of it.

"What are you doing?" I asked, feeling like everything was happening in slow motion. "Where are you taking her?" They didn't seem to be listening to me. "Hey!" I yelled, gripping the arm of one. "Tell me what's happening!"

They stopped and turned to me, putting their hand on my arm. "We're taking her to the hospital. Please let us take care of her." It took me a long moment to comprehend what she was telling me. She sighed and gripped my hand tightly. "I'll send someone back for the body."

Then she was gone, leaving me to watch as they took Pen away, all talking to each other as they tended to her. I needed to be where she was. But now the nurse's words were repeating over and over in my head.

The body.

Turning toward the lab, I took slow steps until I'm through the vestibule. I see Cara kneeling next to a small form. Tris. There is blood. So much blood. Moving forward, Tris's face appears, looking just as in sleep as Pen did. But Pen's heart is beating. She's alive. I can tell by the paleness and the amount of blood that Tris will not share her fate.

Cara turned her head and looked up at me, "She's gone."

Feeling a surge of anger, I gripped Cara's shoulder and yanked her away. Dropping to my knees, I took Tris's shoulders, shaking her more violently than I had intended. "What were you thinking?!" I yelled at her. "Why would you do this?!"

"Eric!" Cara screamed, gripping my shoulder.

Throwing her off of me, I bent over, covering my eyes with one hand while the other rested against her abdomen. Sobbing, I looked at her face, putting my hand against it as I shook my head. Lifting her into my arms, I cradled her against my chest, sobbing into her small form. Something Four always cherished about her.

"Eric." Cara said again, tentatively putting her hand on my shoulder. Shaking my head as I looked up at her, she dropped to her knees and pulled my head against her chest as she wrapped her arms around me. "I know." She told me with a sad tone. "Eric, I know."

After they came to take her away, I went to the med area. From the hallway, I could hear the same voices that had taken Pen from me. Moving toward them, I was stopped by a nurse, telling me that I couldn't see her. Not yet. In my head I understood and nodded, intending to go sit in the waiting room, but in the next second she was slammed against the wall, my hand around her neck.

"Let me see her." I told her dangerously.

"Eric!" Hazel yelled, pulling on my shoulder. "Let her go!"

Then two guards are there. Releasing her, I turned and hit the guard closest to me. The other landed a punch against my jaw before I slammed my fist into his stomach, hearing the satisfying rush of air as it left his lungs. The first had recovered and I was hit over the head. Falling to my knees, I was momentarily dazed before I was on my feet gripping his fist as it flew toward my face. Punching him hard, two more guards appeared and I was forced to the floor, my arms being bent forcefully behind my back.

"Calm down." One told me.

"Is she okay?" I asked. "Tell me if she's okay!"

"What's going on?" Doc said rushing forward. "Let him up."

Getting to my feet, I turned to her, "Please."

She nodded and sighed. "She's alive, but I'm not done assessing her." Nodding, I fought the tears in my eyes. She put her hand against my face, making me look at her, "Just give me a little more time."

Nodding again, I wiped a tear from my cheek. "Okay."

She nodded and jogged back to where Pen was. For a moment everything slowed down and I felt lightheaded. Then there was a hand on my shoulder. Looking at who it belonged to, Cara was offering me a small smile. I wanted return to it and let her comfort me, but anger flooded my veins and I gripped her, slamming her against the wall, my hands firmly on her arms.

"Eric." She said with fear.

"What happened? What went wrong?" I asked giving her a jerk.

"Eric, please." She said as she attempted to push me away from her.

"How long were you in that hall before you even thought of checking on her?! On Tris?!" I bellowed.

"I had just found Caleb. He was huddled against the wall. I hadn't had time to check on them yet." She told me. "You're hurting me, Eric." My grip on her tightened as I clenched my teeth. "Eric, Pen wouldn't want this." She told me gently. "She wouldn't want you to lose yourself."

For a moment I imagined slamming her against the wall, reminding her how the woman I love could be dying just feet away from us. But Pen wouldn't want that. She was right. Instead, I calmed at her words, letting her go. She rubbed her arms and was looking at me with fear as she took slow steps away from me.

"I'm sorry." I told her.

"It's okay." She told me. "I can't imagine what you're going through."

"Cara, I'm sorry." I told her again.

She nodded, "When Will died, I wasn't there. I didn't see it happen or have to wait for it to happen. It was already over and done with. His death hurt more than I ever thought possible. This has to be ten times worse for you, Eric. I can try to understand it but I can't imagine what it feels like."

Nodding, I felt tears in my eyes again. "Where would they take Tris?" I asked.

She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before she stepped up to me, putting her hand on my arm. "Come on. I'll take you to her."

Nodding yet again, I followed her down the hall and away from the room. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She smiled at me.

She led me to a small white medical room with a few beds lined in the center of the room. Tris was on top of the middle one, still dead and bloody. Part of me hoped that it had been some sort of nightmare. Just one more simulation that these people wanted to put us through.

But this was real. This was happening. She was gone. Cara stood against the wall crying as I went to the nearby sink and filled a bowl of warm water, grabbing a towel. Walking back to Tris, I started to clean the blood from her body.

"You shouldn't have been there, Tris." I told her. "You should have let Caleb do it. He should be dead and you should be alive." Hearing Cara softly sobbing, I shut my eyes, trying not to let grief take me over. "Pen is alive, Tris. She's alive and I hope it was because of you. You both are selfless and I know that you would have stopped her if you could. I appreciate that." I said softly as I ran the cloth across her skin. "But you're also a fool for leaving Tobias. What is he going to do? This will ruin him. You've left him alone."

Staying long enough to clean her, I was anxious to get back to the love of my life. Leaving Cara with her, I went back to the med area, only to be once again denied access to Pen. There was a window to the room she was in but the curtain was still drawn so I couldn't see anything that was happening inside. Sitting in one of the chairs in the hall, I waited for them to tell me what was happening. She had to be all right. She had to pull through this. Slouching forward, I ran my hand back and forth across my hair, fighting the tears that wanted to fall. I knew something was wrong. I was scared. I'd never been this scared. Even when I'd thought I'd killed her…this felt different. I was so fucking scared I didn't know what to do. What was I supposed to do?

"Eric!"

Looking up, Ainsley was running toward me. "She's alive." I told her quickly as I stood.

She moved to run forward but I gripped her arm. She stopped and frowned up at me, "Eric."

"We can't see her." I told her, sitting down again. "They're not done assessing her yet."

She sat next to me, her hand finding my shoulder. "She'll be okay." I nodded, staring at my hands. "She loves you." She added, attempting to sound positive. "She'll never leave you."

Nodding, I took a deep breath. "She may not have a choice."

"She's Pen. She doesn't let anyone tell her what to do or what she's capable of."

Running my hand down my face, I looked toward the curtain where she was. "I need her."

Ainsley wrapped her arm around me, nodding, "I know. I also know that she will come back to you. She has plans and every last one of them is with you."

I attempted to offer her a smile, but before I could, Doc appeared from the room in front of me, pulling gloves from her hands. "Eric."

"How is she?" I asked as I wiped the sweat from my palms, getting to my feet.

She smiled at me sadly, "You need to prepare yourself."

Tears immediately filled my eyes, "Why?" I asked.

"She's alive, Eric. She will stay alive. But right now she is unable to breathe for herself." She explained. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nodded at her. "There is a tube in her throat that is breathing for her. Without it, she will die. But her vitals are stable for the moment. We're hoping she'll recover and start breathing on her own. As soon as that happens she will hopefully wake up. But there are no guarantees." My eyes drift to Uriah in the next room. He's never going to wake up. She noticed. "His situation is different, Eric. He was involved in an explosion. Pen is more than likely suffering the effects of…" It was obvious she didn't want to say it.

"Death serum." I finished for her.

"I don't know how she's alive." She told me. "Eric, I've never had to deal with this because no one survives the death serum."

"Two people did." I frowned at her. "Pen and Tris."

"Tris?" She frowned.

"She didn't die because of the serum; she died because of the gunshot wounds." I told her, feeling my anger boiling. She sighed, offering me a sympathetic smile and nodded. "Can I see her?"

She nodded and motioned toward the room, the curtain still closed. Swiftly going in, I slipped inside, freezing as I took in the woman I loved. She was now gowned and covered to her chest, her arms at her sides, and a tube sticking out of her mouth. It was being kept in place with a stripe of plastic, the tube protruding from the center of it. There was the beeping of monitors and the sound of the machine that was pushing air in and out of her lungs. Stepping up to her, I pulled a chair next to the bed. Taking a slow deep breath, I picked up her hand. It was warm and I could feel the callouses against my palm. Bringing it to my lips, I pressed a kiss against the top of it. In the next moment I was sobbing, holding her hand against me, I dropped my head against her side as I brought my other to her hair.

"Please, Pen." I sobbed. "Please wake up."

Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I jerked back, thinking it was Ainsley only to see Hazel. She reached her hand out, putting it against her sister's leg. My anger spiked and I shoved her back, the curtain being taken to the ground with her as she fell.

"Get away from her!" I yelled. "You don't get to touch her!"

"Eric!" Ainsley said rushing toward me.

"She needs to be kept away from her." I told the guards as they stepped toward me.

"Eric, stop it." Ainsley told me, only then her eyes are on Pen. "Oh God." She said as tears started to stream, her hand moving to her mouth as she stepped toward her friend. "Pen?"

"She's gonna be fine." I told her quickly. Then I was looking at Hazel, "Stay away from her."

"She's my sister." She frowned.

"She stopped being your sister a long time ago. Go find Caleb. He can tell you what it feels like to lose your sister. Because you're never going to be a part of Pen's life."

"Eric…" She said reaching out to me.

Gripping her wrist, I yanked her to her feet before shoving her toward the door. "Get out."

"Eric." Cara said appearing.

"What?" I shot at her.

"Tobias is back."

Feeling like my body was being weighted down, I sunk to my knees. "Has anyone told him?"

"No." She replied. "I was thinking you should."

"What?" I shot at her, getting back to my feet. "You're going to put this on me?"

"You're his friend." She stated.

Looking at Pen, Ainsley was clutching her hand. Sighing, I knew Pen would want me to do it. Or at least be there for him when he found out. She would support him in anything and with her unable to be there for him, it was left to me. Stepping back up to Pen, I took her hand, leaning down and pressed a long kiss against her forehead before pressing mine against it.

"Please, Eric?" Cara said softly.

Looking up at her, I nodded, kissing Pen's forehead once more before I followed her from the room. Moving swiftly, I was terrified to face him, and I didn't want to do it in front of everyone. I wanted to tell him with as few eyes on us as possible. This wasn't going to go well. I'd been around death for as long as I could remember and I never cared about what it meant to those it affected. Only now I understood. I understood how painful it was. I understood and I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to look in Four's eyes and tell him that the love of his life was dead.

Following Cara, we moved outside, seeing Four and Amar walking through the security checkpoint. It's now abandoned. Unable to meet his eyes just yet, we stop and wait for them to reach us. Cara looked like she's about to breakdown. Her badly bruised face and the bandage around her head aren't doing her any favors right now.

"What are you gonna say to him?" She asked me softly.

"The truth." I replied. "I'm going to be honest with him. It'll be worse if the news is prolonged."

She nodded. "I'm sorry about Pen."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, she's gonna be fine." I replied shortly.

Seeing her expression out of the corner of my eye, I can tell she thinks I'm in denial. That I haven't come to terms with her fate. But I have. She survived death and just needs time to heal and she'll wake up and everything will be fine. No one else was going to die. Not even those who deserved it.

Realizing that I was getting caught up in my own head, I cleared my throat, repeatedly blinking to make Four come into focus again. He's frowning at me, making my stomach drop. "Did you succeed?" I asked him.

"What is it?" He replied. Cara shook her head and his eye met mine. He's afraid. He has every reason to be afraid. "Where's Tris?"

Taking a deep breath, I bowed my head before meeting his eyes again. Only before I can say anything Cara spoke.

"I'm sorry, Tobias."

"Sorry about what?" Christina asked roughly. "Tell us what happened!"

"Tris went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb," Cara explained. So much for me attempting to lessen the blow. "She survived the death serum, and set off the memory serum, but she…" She paused now and looked up at me.

Taking another deep breath, letting it out slowly, the words already felt like ash in my mouth. I didn't want to say them. But he had to know. "She was shot, Tobias. She didn't survive." He just looked at me, trying to tell himself that it was some sort of lie. That this was just some stupid lie that we were telling and that Tris was fine. "She's dead, Tobias." I told him. He needed to hear the words. He couldn't hold on to the possibility of her coming back. "She's gone."

"No." Christina frowned, shaking her head. "No way. There has to be some mistake."

Cara's eyes welled with tears and I can't hide the tears in mine either. I shook my head, not trusting my voice. They know Tris and therefore could believe that she would go in Caleb's place. It was just who she was.

Four met my eyes and we're staring at each other. Everything else seemed to fall away, my breathing prominent in my ears as I let the news sink in. I wanted to tell him about Pen. Tell him that she was fighting for her life but was still clinging to it. But it sounded like the most selfish thing I could possibly say to him right now. He lost the love of his life while mine may still survive. I suddenly didn't want to tell him. He already looked so broken.

Christina is yelling something, but I'm still too focused on Four to listen to her and it's obvious that he's no longer present. He's already drowning from the news and I don't have any way to lessen the blow he's been dealt. I've thought Pen dead before. I understood what he was feeling. But somehow I'd always been lucky. She was returned to me, twice, alive. Tris was dead. She was dead and she was never coming back. He couldn't hold on to hope that she would come back. She was here and she was dead.

"I'm so sorry." I told him softly. Christina was now hunched over, her grief spilling out. Cara swiftly embraced her. "There's more." I added. I watched as he slowly became present again, his brows furrowing. He clenched his jaw and I knew that he couldn't handle any more. But he had to know. "Pen…" I started, feeling my throat tighten. His brows furrowed further and shaking started to take him over. "Pen is in trouble." I told him as tears filled my eyes. "She's alive but she…she can't…" Bowing my head, I couldn't stop the silent sob that took me over. Taking a deep breath, I met his eyes again, tears hot on my cheeks. "She can't breathe on her own." I finally got out. He hadn't moved an inch. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Tobias…" I'm crying now and I don't know what else to say to him.

I don't really recall when Cara started to lead the way back inside. Four stood between Christina and me, our shoulders touching. I know where we're going. I know what we're about to see. He needed to see it to believe it. I had seen her and I couldn't imagine how much worse it was going to be for him.

Stepping into the small room, Christina rushed to Tris's side, taking her hand sobbing over the body of her best friend. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. We had a plan and it should have gone down the way we imagined it would. Then Tris would be alive and both her and Pen would be in our arms with smiles as kisses and loving embraces were shared. We had a plan. Now look at us. Four was forced to say goodbye to the girl…woman…he loved while I was left to linger in hopes that mine would somehow survive. We already knew that there were no guarantees. Uriah was proof of that. He was never going to wake up and now Pen was in a very similar situation. The only difference was the cause of her condition. It felt worse since it was due to a serum that these people had concocted. A serum that no one had ever survived. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. We had a plan.

Watching Four step up to Tris's body, he took her hand and I can see that it's sinking in. Staying back, I gripped one wrist in front of me, stray tears still falling down my cheeks despite the hard expression I was attempting to hold. But I wasn't that hard person anymore. I wasn't one to manipulate and chastise. Because of one woman I had been shown who I could be, who I wanted to be. Because of her I was a better man who had gone from being alone to being surrounded by friends who had become family. I'd never thought it possible before her. Now she was fighting for her life and I couldn't even think of what I'd become without her. I already hurt people and she wasn't gone. Not yet. But I was afraid. I was afraid for her and that was all consuming.

My tears were renewed and I bowed my head, silently crying while Christina's sobs filled my ears. Then there was the sound of despair and I looked up to see Four start to sink to the floor. Rushing forward, I gripped his shoulders, stopping him from crashing to it. Keeping my arm around him, I followed him to the floor, leaning against his side as he started to cry. It was light at first, only then they intensified, the sounds escaping him filling me, making it impossible to hold back my own sobs that mixed with his.

I stayed with my arm around him, gripping his shoulder, until the sobs had stopped. Wanting to give him space, I moved to the wall and waited for him to tell me what he needed. He stayed on the floor for a long time, still gripping Tris's hand in his. I felt weak and tired. Just the sight of him was painful. I wanted to make it more bearable but knew that there was nothing I could say or do. He would be in pain for a long time. The pain would never go away, not really. He would simply have to learn to live with it.

I didn't want to live with it. I didn't want to have to feel what he was feeling. I didn't want this to be foreshadowing for what I was going to look like. Bringing my knees up, I put my elbow on top of one, resting my head in my palm as I started to cry again. I'd never cried so much in my life. I'd never let anything in long enough to cause me pain. But I'd let her in. Pen. I'd let Pen in and she had become everything to me. I didn't know that a person could mean so much to me. To realize that this one person held all of you and your entire life depended on that person. Pen was my life and to feel as if that life was slipping away was more unbearable than anything I'd yet to experience. I now knew, looking at Four, that I would be ten times worse. If I thought seeing him go through this was painful then I knew I'd never live without Pen. I'd have to be put down to end my suffering. For the good of everyone.

The tears hadn't stopped when Four was suddenly standing in front of me. I looked up at him, trying to get myself under control. "I want to see her." He told me with a raspy voice.

Nodding, I got to my feet, walking the familiar route to the med area. A new certain had been put up in her room since I'd left and I faltered, knowing what I was going to see but not quite ready for it. Four moved forward, disappearing behind the curtain. I was still outside of it, unable to move. Taking a deep breath, I took a step, and then Four's cries once again filled my ears. My chest tightened and I fell to my knees, covering my ears as I pressed my forehead against the floor. I couldn't hear him cry anymore.


	27. Come Back To Me

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Come Back To Me**

Unsure how it happened, days had passed and Pen had yet to wake up. I sat with her. I held her hand. I did everything I thought I possibly could and despite that she still just laid there. No matter how much I begged for her to wake up she just – she just…laid there. They kept telling me over and over again that she was stable but still unable to breathe for herself. That they were still hopeful that she would recover and wake up but that I would need to be patient and come to terms with the possibility that she may never wake up. But that was a load of bullshit. They could tell me that a thousand times and I wouldn't believe it. She just needed time to work the serum out of her system. She just needed to work it through and she would come back to me.

To make it worse, I couldn't keep myself reined in. I ended up spending a day in a cell for the safety of everyone. Going off like a bomb whenever someone told me something I didn't want to hear. Not only that but when someone appeared to see her that had no right to see her. I knew I was wrong and that I needed to control my temper but I couldn't seem to do it. In my head I was always in control but my body never followed suit. I'd try and stay calm and in the next second someone was bleeding on the floor and I was once again being detained.

Pen would be disappointed in me. She wouldn't want me to be like this. She would want me to be supportive of our friends and family. She would want me to be the better man and rise above my own feelings. If she knew Tris's fate then she would want me to be there for Four and help him through this. She wouldn't want me to be sitting at her side, staring at her, when there was nothing I could do for her. She would want me to keep moving and do what needed to be done. To be patient and wait for her to come back to me. She would want more from me. More that I wasn't sure I could give her.

Having been released, I was once again at Pen's side. Dipping the cloth into the warm water, I started to clean her skin, not wanting her to look too fragile or weak. The nurses were taking excellent care of her and Ainsley had even helped me wash her hair, hitting my hand away as I rubbed strands of it between my fingers. She had been here nearly as much as me, never saying a word. The silence between us was more comforting than anything else.

Four showed up periodically throughout the day, unable to sit still long. His grief was all consuming and even though Pen was alive, he couldn't bring himself to linger long. I couldn't blame him. Part of me felt like he resented me. His love was gone and mine was here. But she wasn't really here. She was alive but still…she wasn't really here.

"They should be here soon." Cara told me as I once again sat and stared at her.

"Her friends?" Ainsley asked.

"Her family." I corrected. "I don't know what I'm going to tell them. They've all lost so much, to see Pen this way I just…" I sighed and looked up at Cara. "I don't know what to say or do."

"Just stick with the truth." Ainsley told me.

Nodding, I ran my hand across Pen's hair, kissing the top of her hand. "I promised I'd take care of her."

"You are taking care of her, Eric." Cara frowned, putting her hand on my shoulder. "You're doing everything you can."

"Which is nothing." I shot at her. "I can't do a goddamn thing for her."

She sighed and ran her hand down the back of my head. "You're holding her hand. You're talking to her, letting her know you're here. If she can hear you, I think that that would be what matters to her. I think she needs to work through whatever that serum did to her and then she'll return to you." Moving her arm around me, she gave me a gentle squeeze. "We all know she's crazy about you. We've seen the proof."

A small laugh escaped me, making me smile up at her. The sound had been nonexistent the past few days. Not to mention smiling. "Thank you."

"If you want, I can go wait for your family and fill them in on everything." Ainsley told me. "There's a lot to explain and you've been doing a lot of that lately. Let me do it this time."

Meeting her eyes, emotion started to fill me. I was so sick of feeling and yet I couldn't seem to be able to stay numb. "You'd do that?"

"Of course." She replied with furrowed brows. "I adore Pen and mostly like you." She added with a smirk.

Laughing again, I wiped the tears that were welling in my eyes. "Thank you, Ainsley. I would very much appreciate that."

"Then it's done." She smiled. She walked around the bed and briefly wrapped her arms around me, pressing a kiss onto the top of my head. "Stay strong for her, okay? It's not over yet."

Gripping her arm, I leaned into her, shutting my eyes and I let in the comfort of her embrace. Then she was gone, leaving me alone with Pen. Sighing, I forced a smile onto my face, reaching my hand up and gently caressing her face.

"All I can do is sit here and talk to you." I told her. "Claude and the others will be here soon. Maybe having all of us here will help you come out of this faster." Swallowing a lump in my throat, I kissed her hand again, standing long enough to press a kiss against her forehead. "God I wish I could kiss you. I'm just as addicted to your lips as you are to mine. I blame you for that." I told her, smiling before it was erased as my emotions started to spill out of me again. "I would give anything to feel your lips against mine. To have you squeeze my hand and look at me with those hazel eyes I adore so much. You look at me and I can see everything." Running my hand down my face, wiping the tears away, I took a deep breath. "I wish now more than ever that I'd gotten you pregnant. It would have been the perfect reason to lock you away from the danger for the sake of our child. I wish we would have had them marry us before we'd set our plans in motion. I wish a lot of things, Pen.

"I miss you. I miss you so much and yet you're right here in front of me. But you're somewhere else. I wish I knew where you were so I could help you. I wish I could somehow go wherever you are and lead you back. Because you need to come back, baby. I need you more than anything and if you die…" Feeling the sobs bubbling to the surface, I gripped her hand tighter, wringing it in hopes of bringing her back to me. "You can't, okay? You can't die on me, Pen. I won't allow it. I love you, Pen. I love you so damn much that if you die I will never be okay again. I will never be able to survive in a world where you no longer exist. Do you hear me? Penelope Farrier, do you hear me?"

Nothing happened.

Burying my face in the sheets, I sobbed, sobbing harder than I had yet. I felt like every moment that passed and she just laid there, she was getting farther and farther away from me. She was always so worried that something would happen to me. She probably didn't even take into consideration that something would happen to her. I was the one who was always getting into trouble. The trouble she caused was never enough to draw attention. She wasn't as deliberate as I was and now it was her who was paying for it.

"I knew something was wrong." I told her, getting myself under control. "I could feel it and I waited too long." Taking a deep breath, I trailed my fingers up and down her arm. "This is my fault. This is all my fault."

"None of this is your fault."

I tensed before looking over my shoulder. Doc was standing there, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed. I didn't say anything to her.

"We both know that she's stubborn." She went on. "We both also know that no one can tell her what to do. And no one has ever loved as hard and as deep as her."

"Stop." I said softly.

"I'm only saying what you already know. What you've already told her. The mind is an amazing thing, Eric. She will never leave you. She's be too afraid that you'd go right back to the monster you used to be."

I spun out of my chair, turning to her, yelling, "I already have!"

She smiled at me sadly, "I know what you're going through. I know what you're feeling. It sucks."

I nodded, "Yeah." Turning, I sat back down, taking Pen's hand, hugging it against my chest as I put my head in my hand.

"You're tired, Eric. I can give you something for that."

"No." I replied quickly. "I can't miss it if something happens."

She sighed and stepped to her other side. I watched her check her vitals, my stomach turning, my heart racing, waiting for her to say something other than the shit they'd been feeding me since this she was brought here.

She sighed again, "Nothing is going to happen, Eric. You need to get some sleep.

In the next moment, the chair I had been sitting it was across the room. "Then do something for her!" I bellowed at her.

Guards were immediately in the room, their guns ready, knowing that they were prepared to take me down at a moment's notice. Doc held her hand up, making them step back. Then she was stepping toward me.

"Do something for her." I told her as calmly as I could muster.

"I've done everything I can for her." She told me. "I've already told you that I've never treated someone who's taken in the death serum because –"

"No one has survived the death serum before." I interrupted, nodding at her.

"You have to be patient." She told me softly.

"I'm trying!" I yelled at her.

"Then try harder." She told me with the first hint of annoyance. "I've done what I can do for her. What are you doing for her, Eric?"

"What can I do?" I shot at her. "What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"You be here for her but you also need to be here for those she cares about. They shouldn't have to hear it secondhand from someone who they don't even know."

"They don't know me either." I retorted. "They hate me."

"But they love her!" She yelled at me. "They love the same girl that you do. _That_ is what you need to think about. In this moment it is not all about you. It's about her. It's about doing what she would want you to do. She's not gone, Eric!"

"She's not here either!" I yelled back. "Tell me how I'm supposed to do this! Tell me how I'm supposed to deal with losing her! How am I supposed to even start to let her go?!"

"We're not there yet." She told me as she stepped closer to me. "Do you hear me, Eric? We are not there yet. I haven't even begun to give up on her. But I also don't have all the answers."

I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, calming down. "I know."

"I'm sorry I don't have all the answers. I would love to be able to tell you that I've seen this before and that I'm optimistic about her condition. I would love that. But I can't. I will not tell you something just to make you feel better. It'll make it worse if – if she…"

"I know. I understand." I nodded at her.

She nodded back at me, "Now go do the right thing."

Nodding, I turned to Pen, leaning down and pressed a kiss against her forehead before resting mine against it. "I'm sorry for my behavior." I whispered to her. "I'll do better."

Turning, I slowly moved away from her, hating every step I took. Every step took me further from her, anxious filling me, terrified that something happened the second I wasn't with her. A small part of me almost envied Four. There was a sense of closure in death. He wasn't holding on for anything. She was gone and there was nothing he could do. Pen was still alive and with Doc's voice in my head telling me that she hadn't given up on her. There was still a chance and I latched on to that chance. I held onto it so hard that I couldn't accept the fact that she may still die. I knew it was true but the hope of that chance kept me going. As long as there was a chance.

Moving toward the entrance, I had no idea what I was going to say. How was I supposed to tell them that Pen couldn't breathe on her own? How was I supposed to tell them that there was a chance that she could die? But Doc was right. It was the right thing to do. Pen would want me to do it and I would do anything for her. I loved her. I loved her too damn much and I'd already disappointed her more that I wanted to admit.

"Eric." Ainsley said with surprise as I stepped next to her.

"I should tell them." I nodded at her. "She would want me to."

"You don't have to do this, Eric." She replied gently.

"I know." I replied. "But she deserves better. Her family deserves better."

She briefly took my hand. "Okay."

When the truck pulled up, George got out of the driver's seat, looking at me sadly. Sighing, my nose was already stinging with emotion as I nodded back at him. I didn't know what had happened in the truck but whatever it was made emotion just flow off of him. I hated it. I hated all of this. I hated what was about to happen most.

Claude was the second out, rushing toward me. "Eric!" She cried with a grin, throwing her arms around my neck.

Squeezing her tightly, I didn't want to let her go. If I did then I would be time to tell her that her best friend was on deaths door.

"I am so happy to see you." She told me, taking my head in her hands. Giving her a small smile, she knew that something was wrong. She let me go, her hands sliding down my chest. "What is it?"

"Eric." Terra said and her arms were around me.

I had to fight tears as I embraced her. She was small, making me think of Tris, squeezing her tightly as I attempted not to crush her in the process.

"Terra." I said softly.

"I'm glad you're okay." She told me just as softly.

Pulling her away from me, I looked up at the pair that was standing behind them. Both of them were looking at me expectantly and yet seemed unsure. Gripping Claude's hand, I stepped toward them. Squeezing Claude's hand, she whispered my name, making me have to consciously think about letting her go, settling for just loosening my grip.

"What's going on?" Claude asked, hugging my arm to her chest. "Where's Pen?"

I met her eyes, grateful that I wasn't crying yet. But I knew that that would change as soon as the words started to come out of my mouth. But I had to tell them. Looking at Pen's parents, I stepped toward them.

"Lilian." I said gently. "Patrick."

"Eric." Patrick said as Lillian just stared at me. "Where's our daughter?"

Nodding, I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

"What happened, Eric?" Lilian asked me.

"She – uh – she did something stupid." I told her. I didn't know how else to start.

Claude's hand started to shake in mine. Rubbing the top of it with my thumb, I kept looking at Lilian. She was the same height as Pen. Her hair was the same color as her daughters. Her eyes were nearly the same hazel color as the woman I loved with all of me. She was what Pen would look like when we got older. All I could think of was Pen. I needed Pen. I needed to get back to her. But before I could do that, I had to tell her family what happened.

"Eric." Claude said softly, rubbing my arm.

Looking at her, I put my hand against the side of her head, pulling her to me so I could press a kiss against her forehead. When I leaned away, she was looking at me with a horrified expression. Sighing, I brushed her cheek with my thumb before facing her parents again.

"Did George tell you anything about what happened here?" I asked them.

"He said that David was going to reset the city." Patrick replied.

Nodding, I took another deep breath. "Our counter attack was to release it on the Compound." I told them. "Me and Four and a handful of others were supposed to inoculate our friends and family in case Tris and Pen and a handful of others failed here." Pausing, I ran my hand down my face. "Something didn't feel right so I came back. Tris's brother was supposed to be the one to blow up the vestibule to the weapons lab. But I found Caleb in the hallway. He was alive." I paused again, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I found Pen on the floor." I stopped again, attempting to force the tears from falling from my eyes. "She had gone after Tris who had taken her brother's place."

"Eric." Claude said as she shifted in front of me.

Meeting her eyes, a tear slid down my cheek. "The death serum stood between them and the weapons lab. Death stood between them and the memory serum they were supposed to release."

"No!" Lilian said and would have fallen to her knees if her father hadn't caught her.

Patrick was staring at me, "Is she dead?"

"No." I said airily. "No. She's alive. But she – she can't – she can't breathe on her own."

"My baby!" Lilian screamed as she made it to her knees, Patrick's grip on her failing.

"She's stable." I told them.

"And Tris?" Patrick asked.

"She was shot by David when she went and deployed the memory serum. She died." I told them, my shaking had intensified and tears were now falling down my cheeks.

"Four?" Claude asked.

"He's not doing well." I replied. Then I was looking at Patrick again. "I'm so sorry." I told him, starting to cry harder. "I am so, so very sorry."

Claude wrapped her arms around me. Then Terra was on my other side.

"Can we see her?" Patrick asked.

"Of course." I nodded.

"Lilian." He said and picked her up off the floor.

"Is she still angry?" Lilian asked after gaining some control.

Looking at her, I frowned, "No. She's not angry. She's just…"

"Just what?" Patrick asked.

"She's still hurting about the last time you saw her."

"It's our fault." Lilian cried. "Patrick, we did this. We should have told her."

"I know." He replied.

"She wants to make it right." I told them. "She hasn't said it and hasn't once tried to see what your time here was like, but you're her parents. She loves you."

"Take us to her." Claude told me.

Nodding, I wrapped my arm around her, leaning into her as I started to walk. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, making her constantly attempt to wipe them away. My own were still falling, my shaking having yet to subside.

Leading them to the hospital, my chest felt heavy and my body felt weighted. I wanted to get back to her. I wanted to be with her. But I didn't think I could handle hearing her family cry over her. I couldn't handle the pain and agony that I was about to endure.

When we reached her room, I stepped in and to her side. Claude started to sob, making me turn her into me. Burying my face in her neck, I sobbed into her. We were both shaking now, sobbing into each other. She gripped me so tight and it was amazing how comforting it was to have her here. I didn't think it would make much of a difference but now that she was here, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to let her go.

A hand gripped my shoulder and I looked at Terra. I swiftly embraced her as well, happy that she was here. Letting her go, I was looking at Pen's parents again. Stepping toward them, tears were hot against my cheeks.

"I'm sorry." I told her father. "I should have come back sooner. I should have been protecting her."

He shook his head, putting his hand on my shoulder. "I know that you did everything you could."

I shook my head as the tears came faster. He gripped my shoulder tightly as tears filled his eyes. In the next second his arms were around me, hugging me tightly. It took me a long moment to hug him back. I'd never felt a father's embrace. Feeling myself start to give into it, I was once again breaking down. Gripping fistfuls of his shirt, I cried with him. Then Lilian's arms were around me as well, feeling her press against my back. Her head nestling between my shoulder blades. I loved when Pen hugged me from behind, feeling her head in the same spot as her mother's was now. It only fueled the emotion that was spilling from me. I was so sick of crying and yet I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"I'm scared." I told them, the words slipping from me without knowing I was going to say them. "I'm so scared for her."

Her father's grip on me tightened before they both let me go. He put his hand on the side of my head making me momentarily tense, expecting the worst even though it was done with kindness. "She'll be okay. She's a fighter." I nodded at him. "And if she's proven anything, it's that she'll do anything to be with you. Even conquer death."

Smiling, I wrapped my arms around him again, then led him to his daughter's side. Leaning down, I pressed a kiss against Pen's forehead, once again taking her hand. "Everyone's here, baby."

As her mother stepped forward, she momentarily doubled over, Patrick quickly embracing her to keep her steady. Furrowing my brows, I held my hand out to her, tensing again as she swiftly and tightly gripped it. She kept it as she stepped to Pen's other side, taking her hand.

"Oh, my baby." She cried, leaning down and pressed her face against her daughter's, sobbing into her ear. "My sweet baby."

Watching her was heartbreaking. Patrick had his hand against her leg, his other across his eyes as he dipped his chin, sobbing as well. Sinking down into my chair, I wrung Pen's hand, staring at the rise and fall of her chest as I attempted to avoid looking at her parents. It was too hard.

"Is Tris she really dead?" Lilian asked. "Did she take in the death serum?"

I nodded, my jaw tight, pushing down the tears of grief for the life we lost. "She managed to push through it and she released the serum."

"Were they close?" She asked next.

I nodded. "She was an amazing person. She was a rival turned family to Pen; and Pen would have done just about anything to protect her. She probably thought if Tris could overcome the death serum than she could too. She nearly did. Something happened though and now…" I said running my hand along Pen's hair. "They say there is still a chance. I'm holding onto that. I won't let her leave me."

"She loves you." Patrick told me as Claude wrapped her arm around me, pressing against my side. "She told us that. We're sorry about how things have gone down between us. If Pen can love you as much as she does than we can too. You deserve that. You both do."

"Thank you." I told him. "I can't even describe what that means to me. To us."

Never letting go of her hand, I sat at her side, answering questions and explaining everything that her family wanted to know. They wanted to know everything that had happened since the last time they'd seen each other. Claude was a mess and I couldn't blame her. She'd lost just as much as me and Pen and was dealing with it about as well as the rest of us.

It took Hazel appearing for me to finally relinquish my hold on Pen to Claude, needing to step away. I couldn't handle seeing her in joyous embrace with the parents she had abandoned and betrayed. Not only that but I'd yet to give her five minutes with Pen. Now was as good a time as any to let her have a few minutes with her. I'd still kick her out when I got back but for now I'd attempt to not be a complete asshole about it. Especially after being wholeheartedly accepted by her parents. Pen was going to freak out when I tell her that everything is working out. We'd make the best of a horrible situation and move on. As a family. Something I'd never experienced before.

Walking the halls, I looked for Four. I knew that he wasn't handling Tris's death well, but I wanted to keep him informed of everything that was going on with Pen. He deserved it and he was as close to a brother as I was ever going to have and I felt better when he was around. Finding him sitting in the middle of the lobby, I walked to him, sitting next to him. Sighing, I reached over and gripped his forearm. He was fighting his grief.

"I'm here for you." I told him softly. "No matter what you need."

"I know." He told me. "How is she?"

"The same." I replied sadly. "Claude and the others finally arrived." I felt his eyes on me, turning my head to meet them.

"And?" He asked with furrowed brows.

"And her parents embraced me like there had never been bad blood between us."

"That's a good thing, Eric." He stated.

I nodded, "It is."

"Then why don't you sound very happy about it?"

"Because I feel like if I show how relieved and happy I am about it, it would be like rubbing it in your face." I replied honestly.

"Eric, Pen's alive and as long as she's alive you're allowed to be happy about it. If her parents really have accepted you, then you have every reason to be happy about it. You don't have to sulk around here for my benefit."

"Pen would want me to." I told him and smirked.

Four shook his head, "No, she wouldn't. She'd grieve with me and then tell me how much Tris wouldn't want me to let her death be the end of me."

I knew that saying her name was hard for him. All of this was hard for him. "She'd be right."

"I know." He nodded. "But I just…I can't get past it."

"It's only been a few days, Tobias." I stated. "It's not supposed to be okay and you're not supposed to get past it."

"I know." He repeated. "Pen better wake up soon. If she dies than…"

"She won't." I told him. "She's too stubborn to die."

"And she loves you too much."

"God I hope so." I told him longingly. "I love her."

"I know." He said and met my eyes.

"I'm so sorry about Tris. I'm sorry I didn't get back in time to stop them."

He smirked at me, "You wouldn't have been able to stop her. She would have thrown Pen at you and still run to the lab and make it happen."

I chuckled lightly, "Yeah. You're probably right."

"There you are," Christina said, jogging toward us. Her face is swollen and her voice is tired. "Come on, it's time. They're unplugging him."

Uriah. Just one more life lost to this war.

Looking at Four, he sighed and nodded at me. Getting to my feet, I offered him my hand, hoisting him to his feet. Together we walked back to the med area, Four and Cristina going to Uriah while I went to Pen. The curtain was now open and I could see Pen through the window to her room. Claude is still holding her hand and her family is huddled around her. It sounds like they're reminiscing and I almost move to sit in one of the chairs. But I couldn't do that to Pen. I wouldn't. Going back in, Claude instantly offered me Pen's hand, wrapping her arm around me.

We were all silent as we listened to the family in the room next door. They were saying their goodbyes. Uriah with the infectious smile who I never really cared that much for. He pushed Pen's buttons and it seemed that no matter what I did to prove myself, I was always seen as the malicious former Dauntless leader. It didn't matter though. Not as long as Pen was alive.

Her family stayed with us until late, being found rooms for them to use. I stayed with Pen, finding the overused chair more comfortable than any bed without her in it. Nothing felt like it should without her. Nothing. Not eating, sleeping…breathing. None of it felt right without her. Resting my head against her side, I held tight to her hand as I fell asleep, always afraid in case something happened while I wasn't paying attention.

Being shaken awake, I flew out of the chair, my eyes wide as I looked at Pen. Nothing had happened. Turning, I frowned at Christina who was looking at me with wide eyes. Sighing, I ran my hand down my hair, leaning over Pen to press a kiss against her forehead.

"Morning, baby." I whispered in her ear. "What is it?" I asked Christina.

"Tobias stole a truck." She told me. "And a vial of the memory serum."

Frowning, I didn't say anything before I was running. She was right behind me, racing through the halls and to the garage. Getting behind the wheel, we were racing back toward Chicago. There was only once place I thought he would go and it seemed Christina thought the same thing. My heart was pounding the entire time. Flooring the gas pedal, I went as fast as I could, not wanting to find him a stuttering mess when we got there.

"What are you gonna do?" Christina asked.

"Why is it up to me?" I shot back at her. "Why does everyone keep asking me what I'm gonna do or what I'm gonna say? It's not all up to me, Christina."

"Only, it kind of is." She replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that we're not leaders." She stated. "It was always Four and Tris and Pen and with everything that's happened to all of them; that kind of makes you the honorary leader."

"You don't need a leader anymore!" I yelled at her. "There is no reason for it! And you are just as strong as the rest of us. As Tris was. Don't sell yourself short."

"Thanks. But I've never been good at leading people."

"Neither have I." I replied and sped even faster.

Hitting the breaks in front of Four's old house, we jumped out and rushed inside. Taking the steps two at a time, I stopped at the top, looking down the hallway.

"Tobias?" I called softly. He appeared from the bathroom.

"Matthew told me you stole some of the memory serum and a truck." Christina told him. "I have to say, I didn't really believe him."

"Then why did you come, if you didn't believe him?"

"Just in case." She replied stepping around me and toward him. "Plus, I wanted to see the city one more time before it all changes. Give me that vial, Tobias."

"No." He replied folding his fingers over it. "This is my decision, not yours."

"What are you doing, man?" I frowned at him. "Why would you even consider doing this?"

"This is not your decision." She told him with a hard tone. "This is the decision of a coward, and you're a lot of things, Four, but not a coward. Never."

"Maybe I am now." He answered nonchalantly. "Things have changed. I'm all right with it."

"No, you're not." I told him, shaking my head. He rolled his eyes. "You're not this person."

"He's right." She replied quietly. "You can't become a person she would hate. And she would have hated this."

"Shut up!" He yelled at her. "Shut up! You don't know what she would hate; you didn't know her, you—"

"I know enough!" She yelled back at him. "I know she wouldn't want you to erase her from your memory like she didn't even matter to you!"

In the next second he lunged at her, pinning her shoulder to the wall as he leaned closer to her. I darted forward but she held her hand out to me. Stopping, I watched them, ready to intervene.

"If you dare suggest that again," Four stated, "I'll—"

"You'll what?" Christina said shoving him back, hard. "Hurt me? You know, there's a word for big, strong men who attack women, and it's coward."

"Tobias, don't do this." I told him, taking a slow step forward. "You are better than this. You'd be dishonoring her if you go through with it."

Something flickered in his eyes and after a long moment he released her, stepping back and slumped against the wall. Moving to him, keeping him steady, he gripped my arm.

"I'm sorry." He told us.

"I know." Christina replied.

"I'm sorry too." I replied. "About everything. But you need to hold on. You need to hold on for Tris and for Pen. Pen is still alive and she will need you when she finally wakes up. She isn't going to handle Tris's death well and you need to be there to prove that she can get through it. Just like you can. Because you can, Tobias. You need to push through and be the man she knew you were. The man we all know you are. Don't become a stranger to those who call you family. You're my family, Tobias, and I can't stand the thought of you not knowing how far I've come, how far _we've_ come. It's the easy way out. And you're better than that."

"I know how it feels to want to forget everything." Christina added from his other side. "I also know how it feels for someone you love to get killed for no reason, and to want to trade all your memories of them for just a moment's peace." She wrapped her hand around his that held the vial. "I didn't know Will long," she went on, "but he changed my life. He changed me. And I know Tris changed you even more." Her face softened and she touched his shoulder. "The person you became with her is worth being." She continued. "If you swallow that serum, you'll never be able to find your way back to him."

"She's right." I told him. "If Pen dies I know I'll want the same thing. But to not remember her would be killing her all over again only it would be done by my own hand. Don't kill Tris again, Tobias. She stays alive in the memory of those who knew her. I'll always remember her. The pain will never stop, but it will get easier to live with."

Gripping him tighter, the tears came again, breaking from him like they did when he saw Tris. The pain coming from him was more unbearable then the first time or when he saw Pen. He rested his forehead against my shoulder and sobbed, still clutching the vial in his fist. I knew that his memories of Tris would be painful for a while. But he needed them. He needed them to survive just as much as I would need Pen's if she were to die. I understood what he was feeling but even I couldn't imagine erasing my memory. Erasing her. Not even to dull the pain of my loss.

Christina put her arms around him as well. I can tell that it's only making it worse, but he needed it. He needed all the comfort he could get. Whether he wanted it or not. Tris was gone and there was nothing he could do to change it or make it better. No matter how badly he wanted it.

He eventually pulled away. I let him, while Christina kept her hand on his shoulders. This whole scene was starting to get old. I felt my anger start to rise inside of me. I couldn't imagine what he was going through, but at the same time, I couldn't take him being this weak anymore. He was better than this. He was stronger than this. After everything we've gone through since we initiated, he was the better man, the stronger man, so why the hell was he being so weak?

"Make your choice, Tobias." I told him with a hard tone.

He opened his eyes and looked at me. I knew my expression was the same as my tone and he knew what it meant. Nodding, he opened his hand and offered the vial to Christina. She took it, slipping it into her pocket.

"I know Zeke's still weird around you." She told him, slinging her arm around his shoulders. "But I can be your friend in the meantime. We can even exchange bracelets if you want, like the Amity girls used to."

"I don't think that will be necessary."

Shaking my head, we moved downstairs and out onto the street. The sun was setting, dipping behind the buildings, and the train was in the distance. For the briefest of moments it felt like the world was righting itself. For a moment things don't seem so bleak. Only then I see someone racing toward us. My heart started to race and I froze, not wanting to hear whatever they had come all this way to say.

"Eric!" My name is screamed. It's Claude. "Eric!"

My chest was clenching and emotion is once again building up inside of me. If she came all the way here to find me then…

"Please, don't." I told her, shaking my head as she reached me.

"You have to get back to the compound." She panted. "Eric, you have to hurry."

Looking at Four, I knew the moment was gone. Then I was moving, racing back to the truck with Claude right behind me. Putting it into gear, I raced back toward the compound. It was Pen. She wouldn't come all the way out here if it wasn't. I wanted to ask her what happened. I wanted her to tell me that she had woken up and was going to be okay. But I was terrified that it was because she was dying and if I wanted to say goodbye to her then I had to hurry. I couldn't bear the thought, so I didn't say a word. And neither did she, making it worse. I drove as fast as humanly possible and as soon as we got back, I was out of the truck and running. Racing through the halls and to her room, I saw Hazel crying in the hallway with Caleb embracing her. Ainsley was slouched against the wall, crying as well. Rushing forward, I stopped in the doorway, terrified.

Looking at her, tears filled my eyes and I sunk to the floor.


	28. Wake Up

**Chapter Twenty-eight: Wake Up**

The last thing I remembered was the feeling that my lungs couldn't expand and darkness took over. I remembered Tris's face, her shocked expression, before she shoved me away from her. I remembered her telling me to stay back and that it was already in the air. But I couldn't let her do it alone. I needed to save her. But I couldn't move forward anymore. I remember turning and attempting to move away from the death serum. I wanted to live. I wanted to see Eric again. I remembered his face before everything fell away. Aching to just see him once more, to kiss his lips, and feel him beneath my hands. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and that I would always love him. I wanted him to be all right. There was a lot that I wanted. A lot that I would never be able to say or do. I'd never fought anything like this before. The feeling was definite. It was like a hard embrace that you just couldn't break. I remembered my chest ceasing its movement as my heartbeat slowed in my ears. I remembered falling forward as everything fell away. I remembered more about dying than I thought I would. And it sure as hell wasn't peaceful.

Now I found myself standing, surrounded by darkness. I strained my eyes to see through it. If I could find the light then maybe I wasn't out of the game yet. But nothing was happening. There was no sound, no smell…nothing. Only then from the darkness light did appear and I found myself moving toward it. It got brighter and brighter until it encompassed my surroundings and I once again stood in the fields of Amity. Looking around, it was all familiar, only then that stupid dog leapt onto me, knocking me to the ground.

"Orchard! Get off!" I yelled and shoved her off me.

As soon as she was off, I stood and she was already bounding through the field, only two little girls were chasing her, laughing all the while. Finding myself staring, I turned and started to run the opposite direction. Racing as far away as I could. The darkness encompassed me again for the briefest of moments and then I was directly back in the field, that damn dog bounding toward me again. Turning, I ran again, only the same thing happened. Running in every direction, the darkness would swallow me, only to spit me back out in the same Amity field watching myself as a child, chasing after my beloved pet. Only it wasn't just me it was also…

"Maggie?" I said as she stood in the field in front of me. It was easily the tenth or twelfth time I'd ended up back here. She was just as she had been at the end, standing there and smiling at me. "What's going on?" I asked her. "Is this heaven or hell?"

She just smiled and stepped toward me, "Do you really think you're dead?"

"Is that a trick question?" I frowned at her. "I died, Mags. I must have. I did just get exposed to the Death Serum. I'm pretty sure they don't call it that because it brings on some wicked hallucinations."

She laughed and shook her head, "What do you see?"

"I see us." I frowned at her. "I see us and that mutt and Amity. I just don't know what the hell I'm doing here and why I can't get out of it."

"Maybe you should slow down and try and figure it out." She suggested.

Dropping my ass onto the ground, I watched the scene play out. "I remember this." I told her.

"What do you remember?" She asked as she sat next to me.

"We were playing in the field and…" I started.

"And?"

"And we found Hazel in one of the trees." The scene seemed to fast forward, watching Maggie and I antagonize our sister. "She fell from it and chased us but I fended her off with a stick, ruining my outfit and scrapped up her arm."

"And?" She repeated.

"And Dad sat me down for a long time that night, explaining to me what it meant to be right or wrong and how I should seek forgiveness from Hazel and to apologize for what'd I'd done. I was so angry with her that I refused. Only then he brought me some soup and toast and I went and apologized." It was only then that I realized what he'd done. "He dosed me with peace serum."

"Can you blame him?" She smiled. "You were rather unruly." She got to her feet, holding her hand out to me. "This was the moment when they first considered the possibility that you were Divergent."

"I was five." I frowned.

"No one explained the rules, Pen. But they knew more than they let on and this was just one more thing they were looking for."

"This is insane."

"Come on."

"Come on?" I frowned harder. "To where? I can't leave this field."

"Let's try again." She smiled as if she knew something.

Taking her hand, I got to my feet, walking together to the end of the field. The darkness appeared and when it faded we were once again in the same damn field, only this time it wasn't the same. Now an adolescent Hazel walked through the fields with a boy, hand in hand.

"It changed." I stated with a frown.

"Do you remember this?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "This is when I scared the pair of them and when he attempted to tell me off about it, I punched him in the nose."

"You broke his nose." She laughed.

"What is going on, Mags? What is the point of this?"

She took a deep breath and we watched as I scared them, once again getting a lengthy lecture from my dad. "Another moment where Dad was sure you must be Divergent. Otherwise you never would have hit him. Amity members are supposed to be peaceful, even as children. You didn't belong even then."

"What's happening?" I asked her. "Why go all the way back to the beginning?"

She took a deep breath as if to ponder the question. "They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you die. Well, I think going through your life will get you out of this. You're not dead, Pen. You're stronger than the death serum. But you're not exactly well either. I think you need to start from the beginning and go through till the end."

"Why?" I frowned.

"To remind yourself of why your life is worth living. Yes, much has been lost, but you're stronger than this. You need to work it through and if that means watching moments of your life from beginning to end, so be it."

"Are you really here?" I asked her.

"You tell me." She retorted, still smiling.

Scoffing, I shook my head, "Then you're just a figment of my imagination. My mind simply showing me the one person who knows me better than anyone to help me through whatever the hell is going on."

"Either way, you're stuck with me." She replied.

Meeting her eyes, she was still my sister, loving and caring and amazing just like she should be. "Alright then."

"Shall we?" She asked motioning me forward.

"We shall."

Before my eyes, I watched myself grow up. The moments that helped shape who I was unfolding before my eyes. Then came the Choosing Ceremony. I watched myself walk down the stairs to the stage. I couldn't help but smile that I didn't hesitate for a second to cut my palm and drip my blood over the coals.

Then I couldn't help notice the look on my family's faces. I'd made my decision and I never looked back. Only now I did. Now I stood here looking at how my family reacted to what I'd done. Hazel was clearly dumbfounded, Maggie looked supportive, and my parents looked both worried and proud. They'd been expecting this. It took the faction war for truth to finally come out and now look where I was. Dying, trapped in my own mind. If they had just told me where they'd come from. If they had just been honest with me and my sisters, things could have turned out differently. At the same time, if I hadn't defected, I wouldn't have met Eric. So I was okay with not knowing. Even now I was okay. I wish I'd never found out.

Following myself out of the room, Maggie and I jogged with them as we moved toward the train. Watching myself get shoved to the ground, I sprung back up, racing side by side with the one who shoved me. Claude. That was the moment we met. Laughing, I stopped, watching us both get ourselves into the train and disappear down the tracks.

"That was a good day." Maggie smiled from next to me.

"That was the day I felt like my life truly began." I told her with fondness.

Maggie smiled at me, "Ready to move on?"

"Yeah, let's get this over with. I have a life to get back to."

"A good life." She added.

Sighing, I stepped forward, waiting for the darkness to envelope us and the scene change. When everything came back into focus, I momentarily froze before I rushed forward, throwing myself at Eric. Only I wasn't really here. Going through him, I slammed to the ground. Looking up at him, I fought tears as I got back to my feet, walking around him so I could see his face. This was Eric from five years ago. His face was a little smoother, his frame a little less bulky. Smiling, I bit my lip, taking him in.

"This was the first time you saw him." Maggie said coming up from behind me.

I nodded, wiping a tear from my cheek. "The first time I laid eyes on him, my heart started to race and I knew I'd be happy here." Laughing, I shook my head. "Then he opened his mouth and the asshole in him came out. Totally took away from his amazing looks."

We both laughed and we watched him make his speech. As soon as he was done and we all started to filter out, I saw myself with Claude and Henry, the bonding having already begun. Only then I saw Eric. He was watching me. His expression focused and yet I saw a flicker in them that I'd recognize anywhere.

"Is this real?" I asked Maggie.

"Is it?" She countered.

"Stop that." I frowned at her. "This isn't some sort of game, Mags. This is my life."

She smiled and nodded, "Yes, Pen. It is your life."

Looking at Eric, he was gone. The tears started to flow and I started run down the hallways that led to Eric's room. Reaching for the handle, I burst through the door only to have the scene change and I watched the final fight of stage one. I'd won against Henry. It was brutal and I couldn't see out of my eye for a couple days. But it was worth it. And there were absolutely no hard feelings between us; it was just something we had to do.

Then I watched Four realize what I was. It was obvious. He knew exactly what I was and he didn't say a word about it. He didn't tell me, he simply pushed me harder and harder. He coached me, molding me into who I was today. I was doing well, too well, and yet he didn't tell me what I was or what it meant or what I should do.

Next I was in the initiates' dormitory, laughing and fooling around with Claude and Henry. I forgot how much fun we used to have. Putting the fear of god into those that tried to quiet us. Back when we were a little more violent. Claude and I thought it made us a little more Dauntless and Henry just thought it was entertaining. Watching him was hard. He had short hair and an even cockier attitude. I loved his longer hair and his more confident self. I missed him. I would always miss him. There were so many that I was going to miss.

I watched my final test, my fears open for all to see, I watched as my simulation-self realized that something was wrong. That I wasn't like everyone else. But I hadn't put two and two together. We'd all heard of the Divergent but it was never a concern of mine. Managing to make it through as any Dauntless would, I was welcomed into Dauntless with yelling and the pounding of fists.

Stepping through the darkness, I found myself next in the Parlor. Tears entering my eyes as I took in Tori, glaring down at me as I did some practice sketches for her. I was nervous as hell. She had been told by someone how good of an artist I was and she wanted to see it. She had me there for hours, telling me what to draw and watching me do it. She asked if I had a sketchbook and I nodded, having brought it just in case. She seemed impressed, her hard demeanor melting away and the fun loving Tori I knew came out. Telling me to report to her the next day to start work. I had yet to choose a job and was more than happy to work with her.

From there I had to watch the first time she sat me down and told me what I was. Four was there. The day our relationship had gone from just trainer and faction member to brother and protector. All the blanks in my mind were put together and suddenly a lot in my life was starting to make sense. Divergence wasn't a disease or illness but something coveted and worth protecting. But only some thought that, most wanted us destroyed and they made sure that I knew to keep it secret.

As the scenes changed, they seemed to focus more and more on Eric. The looks he gave me as we passed in the halls or when we saw each other in the training room. They seemed to be never ending and I had to try and figure out if this was real or not. He had told me he'd noticed me before but if that was true then it was my entire time in Dauntless. He watched me grow up. He watched me become the person I am and then he just…changed it all.

"I can't watch any more memories." I told Maggie as I dropped to my knees.

"You've been watching Eric watch you. What's so bad about that?"

"Nothing." I replied. "I'm just…tired. It's exhausting watching all of this and taking it in when all I want is him, the him I know now."

"Then keep watching." She told me.

Feeling tears, I bowed my head, "I'm tired."

She knelt in front of me, taking my hands, "Then keep going, Pen. You can't stop now."

"Why not?" I asked with heavy emotion. "I'm tired, Maggie. We've been at this for ages. I'm tired."

"If you want to get back to him then you need to keep moving. Stop too long and you may never wake up. So get up, Pen." Meeting her eyes, I felt a wave of fear from her expression. "Get up."

Nodding, I did as I was told, moving forward and once again the darkness swallowed and spit us back out. The med area. I had a screaming patient on the table when the former head nurse left and never came back. I was forced to tend a deep laceration to an abdomen before sending them off to the city. I did a lot of that for the first couple years. Then I hit my stride when Simmy started helping out and turned it around, bringing order to a chaotic system.

Smiling when we were put into the next memory, I stepped in between myself and Eric. He had come in for the tattoos on his neck. I wasn't fond of him but I took my job seriously. We'd talked at length about what he wanted and I'd sketched out several versions before he settled on what he wanted. Watching myself tattoo them on, I couldn't help but stare at Eric's face. He was watching me. Every move I made he seemed to notice. At this moment I couldn't have cared less about him, focusing on the task and nothing else.

Then we were in the Parlor again, Eric lingering in the doorway while Tori and I joked around, laughing and dancing to the music. This was when he came for the maze tattoo on his arm. I didn't know he'd stood there for so long. We'd talked at length again about what he wanted. He even had brought in a rough draft that I'd played around with and he seemed genuinely excited about it. Even then he was more than what he seemed.

He'd told me that he'd had his eye on me for a long time but I hadn't really understood that until now. These were my memories but I was seeing them in a whole new light. Seeing things in them I never noticed before. And it wasn't just Eric. It was my memories of Claude and of Henry and of Tori and Four. It was the little things that you'd never notice unless you could go back and see it all over again. I was lucky. I knew that already but I had never been more certain of anything. I had an amazing life with an amazing family and the most perfect boyfriend. I was so lucky. Only then the moments of weakness came to mind and I couldn't help but feel guilty for ever thinking that everyone would be better off if I were gone. I wasn't anything special to the cause. That's what I'd told myself. Even if I wasn't special I was still needed and was a part of the big picture. It was all about the people in our lives and I was the center of some and nothing to others. But my family needed me. Eric needed me. There was no time to feel sorry for myself or to think that I didn't matter. I mattered. We all mattered. Even in the lowest of moments I mattered and was needed and loved and the center of someone's world. Whether it be Eric or my parents or my sister. I was needed and wanted and counted upon.

"All life matters." Maggie told me as the scene started to turn to darkness.

Looking at her, the roar of the Chasm filled my ears and I turned my head to see myself sitting with Neely's picture in my hand. I watched as I lit it on fire and sent it down the river. I looked to the path and saw Eric slowly step down it. His face was hard and yet pained. He looked nervous. I wouldn't have known it then, but he was mentally freaking out in this moment. I wanted to know what he was thinking. Watching him take a deep breath, nodding to himself, he stepped forward. I watched us argue and then make love. I felt a blush rise in my cheeks and attempted to cover Maggie's eyes. It didn't work and all she did was giggle through the whole encounter. When we were done, I watched myself rush off, looking to Eric to see his reaction. His brows were furrowed and he had an apologetic look on his face. He was sorry. I knew he was but still…seeing him now, knowing him as well as I do, I had been too hard on him. I had judged him too harshly and if I was smart I would have been with him a long time ago.

"You two are pretty awesome together." Maggie told me.

"That was just the beginning." I smirked at her.

Going through some of my most recent memories, I almost hated to see them. I didn't need to remember all the bad that had happened since the Chasm. All the blood, sweat and tears that had gone into mine and Eric's relationship. All leading up to nearly dying at the beginning of the faction war. Then to both of us nearly being killed in Jeanine's lab. To seeing so many friends die because of one woman's shortsighted thinking. All over an experiment gone wrong and her inability to change. Only those memories weren't there. It was the moments of happiness that we'd shared. The laughing in bed, the talking and showering and just holding each other. It was the little things that I fell in love with, that made us strong enough to make it through all the big ones.

Watching the memories from our time outside the wall, they didn't stop until we were outside the lab, watching me and Tris. I watched as she opened the door to the vestibule, letting out enough of the death serum to soak into our skin and fill both our lungs. I was already starting to fade, Tris shoving me away from her, telling me that everything was going to be okay and she would take care of it. She would see it done.

"This is the end." I frowned looking at Maggie.

"Is it?" She asked.

"Maggie, we've gone through my entire life, what is it exactly that you want me to see?" She just looked at me. "I get it, okay? I get that my life matters and that I have been through so much and am stronger than this serum. I can fight this and come out of it. For Eric. But not just for him but for all those who are counting on me. And Tris…" I started before the scene faded out and I was once again in darkness. "She's dead, isn't she?"

"I don't know." Maggie told me.

I nodded, tears filling my eyes, "She is. I can feel it."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means that Tobias needs me. He needs me more than Eric does. If I live and Tris dies than Eric will be relieved but Four will not be able to come back from this."

"You're needed."

I nodded, "I am."

"What are you gonna do?" She asked.

Determination filled me and I smirked at her, "I'm gonna wake up."

She smiled at me, nodding. Shutting my eyes, I let everything fall away, filling the space with my consciousness, pressing against all sides of it. Voices started to reach my ears. Then I felt pain in my throat. Something was in my throat. A tube. With the pain came a sense of panic and I started to fight it. The voices became more panicked as well, gripping my arms even though I fought against them. Trying to sit up, my heartbeat was loud in my ears and all I wanted to do was take a normal breath. Arching, there was a hand on my chest before the tube was slowly being pulled out. Exhaling hard, as soon as it was free from my mouth, I coughed for what felt like ages, before finally being able to take a deep breath. It felt so damn good.

Opening my eyes, I saw my family surrounding me. Terra and my mom held my hands, my father, Doc, and Ainsley touching my thighs and legs. I couldn't help the frown that crossed my face. The faces I needed to see most weren't there.

"Eric." I said looking between them.

Terra rolled her eyes, even though tears were on her cheeks. "Told you." She smiled at Ainsley.

"Try and relax." Doc told me.

"Where is he?" I asked her. "Where's Eric?"

"He's okay sweetie." My mother told me, making me jerk my head toward her. "He had to go to Tobias."

"Tobias." I said before I looked at Terra. "Where's Tris?" They all looked at me sadly. Confirmation that she was gone. Tears filled my eyes and I felt panic start to take me over. "I need Eric." I told them. "Please."

"He'll be back soon, Pen. Claude went to get him." Terra told me gently.

"You need to try and relax." Doc told me again. "You've been through quite a trauma."

"Can I sit up?" I asked trying to do it anyway.

"Hold on." She said and helped me.

It didn't help, starting to attempt to pull the IV and leads from my body. "I have to go. I have to get out of here. I need to find Eric. Four needs me."

"Pen, stop it." My father told me. "Please, just try and relax. They'll be here soon."

Shaking my head, tears ran from the corners of my eyes. "Eric."

"Relax or I will sedate you." Doc told me.

Meeting her eyes, I knew that it wasn't an empty threat. Nodding, I furrowed my brows and shut my eyes, forcing myself to relax against the pillows. "Okay. Fine." Only it wasn't fine. I needed Eric. I needed…water. "Can I get some water?"

It was as if they all moved at once. I didn't like this at all. I was not one to be doted on. Especially not by those closest to me. I could handle a little pampering but I honestly felt fine.

"Better?" Doc asked after I'd guzzled an entire glass.

"Sure." I replied, staring at the ceiling.

Maggie and everything I'd seen kept going through my head. The memories kept circling and my need for Eric was all consuming. I needed him. I needed to comfort Four. I needed to get out of this bed. What I didn't need was the pity that everyone was looking at me with. I didn't need them rushing around to enact my every whim. It wasn't me and it wasn't them.

"Can you all just sit down?" I asked them as they still bustled around the room while Doc examined me.

"Of course." My mother told me.

My father kept moving, filling the water picture, touching the blankets at my feet. "Dad." I said forcefully. He nodded and sat down, putting his and on my leg. "Thank you."

"Can we have the room so I can finish my examination?" Doc told the room.

They all muttered and left the room. Doc sighed and kept examining me. She raised a brow at me as she pulled the blankets up from the foot of the bed. I sighed and nodded, knowing that a full exam was needed. I'd done it before and I knew that it was important. Especially in a situation like this.

Hissing, I frowned at her. She smiled and nodded at me. Frowning at her questioningly, she leaned over me, "You're gonna be okay." I nodded at her. "You are, Pen. You survived. You're gonna be okay."

"Yeah." I nodded again.

"I'm going to have a series of tests done and when the results come back we'll discuss what our next step is."

"What do you think they'll show?" I frowned at her.

"I don't know." She replied. "You're the first person I've ever seen survive the death serum."

"I'm super special like that." I told her with my eyes on the ceiling. "Is Eric okay?"

"He's a mess." She replied sadly. Meeting her eyes, I felt the tears return. "What did you expect, Pen? The man is completely and almost sickeningly in love with you. You were never supposed to be there. You were never supposed to get hurt."

"I know." I told her. "But I couldn't let Tris do it alone."

"I know that." She nodded. "But you nearly died and Eric…"

"What about Eric?" I frowned.

"He was everything you would have expected him to be."

Sighing, I brought my hand to my head, "He reverted and got himself into a shit ton of trouble."

She smiled and nodded, "You know him well."

"I also know that he's better than that."

"He knows that too."

"I need him." I told her, tears falling.

"I know you do." She said taking my hand. "He'll be here soon. But you need to stay put and I'll come back to check on you."

Nodding, I took a slow deep breath. "Okay."

"Try and be nice to your family." She told me. Scoffing, I shook my head. "I mean it. They've been a mess over all this."

"My family."

"Are here and they love you."

"And I love them."

"Be good." She commanded and left the room.

It took only a few seconds for everyone to pile in again. They all seemed exhausted. Part of me wanted to talk to them. To comfort them and to tell them that I was fine and everything would be okay. But I couldn't. Eric flooded my mind and until he was here with me I knew that I couldn't do anything for them. So I simply stared at the ceiling and impatiently waited for the man I loved.

"How are you feeling?" My mother asked.

"I'm fine." I told her.

"Pen!" Hazel said coming into view.

"I'm fine." I repeated. Everyone was starting to carry on again. "Please." I frowned shaking my head. "I can't handle the tears right now."

Hazel quickly left the room, and I looked to Ainsley that was on the brink of a breakdown. Sighing, she nodded and left as well. I felt bad, but I couldn't handle it anymore. I didn't want to cry yet. Not to the extent that I needed to. I wanted to wait for Eric and to hold him and have him hold me. I needed to comfort Four since I knew that Tris was dead and I couldn't feel her loss. Not yet. I couldn't do it when the people I needed to go through it with weren't here.

Then I heard commotion in the hall and my eyes moved to the door. Eric appeared and I couldn't help but beam at him. He fell to his knees with tears in his eyes. Laughing lightly, I shook my head at him. "You better get your ass up here because I've already been told I'm not allowed to move and they will not be happy if I rip out my IV because you took too long."

In the next second everyone stepped back as Eric flew toward the bed. Opening my arms to him, he slammed so hard against my chest that the air was forced from my lungs. He was practically sitting on me, but I wasn't about to complain. Wrapping my arms around his neck, he sobbed into mine, gripping me so tightly that I could hardly breathe.

"I'm okay." I told him. "Baby, I'm okay." He gripped me tighter, the sobs more intense. "I don't mind crying but this is actually making me a little anxious." He laughed and leaned away from me, kissing me passionately. "Much better."

He laughed again, pressing his forehead against mine, my head in his hands as he attempted to catch his breath. "I love you." He told me before kissing me again.

"I love you." I finally replied after his lips parted from mine. "Eric, I love you so much."

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I am. I feel fine." I told him. Then the tears were in my eyes. "I feel fine." I repeated as emotion started to take over. "I feel fine." The tears started to stream. "I feel fine."

I wanted to say more, but I couldn't manage the words before I was sobbing into his shoulder, gripping fistfuls of his shirt as I attempted to melt into him. I couldn't get close enough to him. I felt fine while Tris was dead and the weight of all those who were already gone seemed to fall onto me all at once. I'd already cried for them but it was over. We'd won. It was over and yet Tris was dead. No one else was supposed to die.

"It's okay, baby." He told me. "Everything is going to be okay."

"Tris." I managed to get out.

"I know, baby." He told me with a tight throat, his hand moving to the back of my head. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm the one who's sorry." I replied as I tried to calm down. "I shouldn't have let her go in there."

"You couldn't have stopped her." He replied.

"I should have done more." I sobbed.

He shook his head, once again taking mine in his hands, "No, Pen. You did everything you could and it almost cost you your life." He kept shaking his head, fighting his own tears again. "And you're not allowed to die. Not ever. Do you understand me?"

I nodded, "Yes."

"Good." He nodded, pressing a long kiss against my forehead as I hiccupped with emotion. "I was so scared for you, Pen. You can't ever do that to me again. You – and I had to – and after everything –"

"I'm sorry, Eric. I'm so sorry." I told him.

"I know." He replied, both of us coming down.

Wiping the tears from his cheeks, I kissed his forehead, "I am so very sorry. I never meant to go near that lab. But I had to go after Tris."

"I know." He nodded with a smirk. "I knew you had done it for her."

"Otherwise I would have been too selfish to do it."

"I know that too."

"I love you, Eric. I love you so damn much."

"I love you too, Pen. More than anything."

Making room for him, he laid next to me, holding me in his arms. He felt so good against me. I wanted to feel my skin against his. I wanted to be out of this room and somewhere else. I wanted to forget for just a few minutes about everything that had happened. But I would settle for simply being with Eric. He was the center of my world. I knew that others were here but right now all I needed was him.


	29. One More Test

**Chapter Twenty-nine: One More Test**

Eric and I were the only two in the room for the remainder of the day. A nurse filtered in and out to check vitals and make sure I was still accepting fluids. As soon as the sun went down, the hallway grew quiet, making the beeping of the monitors louder than they had been all day. Eric was asleep, draped over nearly all of me. He'd been sleeping most of the day. I couldn't blame him. If I were him, I wouldn't have slept until he woke up.

"Have the tests come back yet?" I asked the nurse who came to check on me.

"The doctor will be in to talk to you in the morning." She smiled at me.

"Okay." I nodded.

She smiled and ran her hand across my hair, "I know you want to get out of here. Just hold out until morning."

"It's so quiet." I stated as I wrapped my arm around Eric.

"Try and get some rest." She smiled and left.

I'd been resting. I hadn't even asked how long I was out. Words hadn't been a big part of our reunion. Lots of crying, silence, holding each other, and sleeping. Wrapping my arm around Eric's head, I ran my nails up and down his back, making a soft sound come from him. Smiling, I pressed my face into his hair, taking a deep breath. For a moment I thought I was going to hold things together. Only my breathing started to shudder and I felt the emotion starting to creep up. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried not to cry, but the harder I tried the faster they wanted to come. His head bounced against my chest as I silently sobbed, gripping him tighter.

Without meaning to, I woke him, feeling him grip me tighter. Moving my arms from around him, I pushed on his chest, getting him to shit off of me. Rolling away from him, I curled myself into a ball as I covered my face with my hands, sobbing again. I was so sick of crying. I was so sick of feeling like this. I hadn't seen Four yet and I needed to. I needed to get out of here so I could grieve. I needed to deal with my family. I needed to just move.

"Baby." Eric said softly in my ear. "Tell me what I can do. Please tell me what I can do."

"Hold me." I cried, gripping his arm as he put it around me. "Make us disappear so we can just be together and happy."

"Oh, baby." He said softly, burying his face into my neck. "I love you, Pen. I don't know how, but we're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay."

"It hurts, Eric. It hurts so much." I cried.

He got out of bed, making me reach for him, gripping his arm. "It's okay." He told me.

Watching him, he grabbed a spare blanket from a chair. He came back, laying down, now facing each other. He tossed the blanket, covering both of us completely. He pulled me against him, maneuvering around the IV that was still in my hand. Pushing the hair out of my face, I could barely see him in the dark.

"There." He said sweetly. "We're both gone."

Unable to help myself, I laughed, harder than I had in a while. Putting my hand against his face, I kissed him deeply, "Thank you."

He smiled, running his fingers through my hair, "I love you, baby."

"I love you too, baby." I smiled and rested my forehead against his. "Your breath smells really bad." I told him, getting him to laugh loudly. Laughing with him, I wrapped my arm around him. "And when was the last time you showered?"

"Three days ago when I left you behind with Tris." He replied with sadness. Sighing, trying to keep the tears at bay, I moved closer to him, slipping my ankle between both of his. "I never should have left you."

"No." I stated. "You shouldn't have." He frowned at me. "But we didn't have the luxury of staying together. We both had a job to do. It was something we decided together. What happened wasn't your fault."

"It was the death serum, Pen. The death serum. When I found you, you weren't breathing. I had to breathe for you and then they took you away and told me that you weren't able to breathe for yourself." He explained. "You have no idea what that's like, Pen."

"Only I do." I told him. "When I found you on the floor in Erudite, you were already dead. I thought you were already dead. There was no trying to keep you alive. I couldn't feel your heart beating." I paused, sighing again. "But I did breathe for you when they nearly drowned in the Chasm and I tried to keep you alive after the explosion. You were deader than me."

He sighed, running his hand across my hair. "You're right. You do know. But for some reason it doesn't feel the same." He replied.

"I know." I nodded. "We've both had too many close calls. I'd really like to not have any more of them."

"That's twice now." He said holding up his fingers.

Smiling, I wrapped my hand around them, pulling them down, "Do we have to keep count?"

"No. Not anymore." He said and kissed me.

"Good."

"Maybe it was for the better since your breath reeks." He added and laughed.

"What?!" I exclaimed. "You asshole!" Only I was laughing, even harder than I had before. "Too soon, babe." I added but was still laughing.

"I'll go crazy if we don't make light of it." He replied softly. "Because I've never been more scared in my life. I thought it was bad before but having to watch a machine breathe for you…"

"It's okay. It's all over." I told him. "Thanks to Tris."

"She did good."

"I miss her." I told him. "I want to see her."

He sighed and ran his fingers through my hair. "She's been cremated and Four had her put into the morgue."

"What?" I frowned. "He – he left her in the dark?"

"Pen." He said softly.

"I know." I said shutting my eyes and shaking my head. "I'm sorry. I can't change it. I just need to accept what happened."

"A stage of grief."

Meeting his eyes, I started to feel a wave of emotion looming over me. "I need to get out of here, Eric."

"Tomorrow." He nodded.

"Okay." I nodded.

"Now get some sleep." He commanded. "There will be a lot of things to deal with tomorrow."

"Not if we never reappear." I smiled at him.

He smiled and nodded, "They'll never find us here."

"Then let's just stay here forever." I whispered to him.

"As long as you're with me." He whispered back.

Falling asleep pressed against his chest, curled into him with his arms around me. No dreams came to me. The only thing I could focus on was the sound of his breathing and his heart beating. My lullaby.

When morning came, we were still underneath the blanket, only now voices were around us. Frowning, I tilted my head back to look at Eric. He was still sleeping. Deciding not to wake him, I shut my eyes and played the night over in my mind. He was amazing. For being a hated man who everyone feared, he had become loving and gentle and sensitive and compassionate. I had wanted to disappear and he made it happen.

"Thank you." I whispered to him.

"I'd do anything for you." He whispered back.

Both of us smiled and I kissed him gently. "I'd do anything for you too."

"I know." He replied, his forehead against mine.

There was a long pause before there was a voice in my ear through the blanket. "We can hear you, you know." I jumped and Eric slowly pulled the blanket down to reveal us to our family. "It's about damn time." Claude smiled.

Sitting up, I draped my leg over the edge of the bed, still squinting from the sudden appearance of light. Eric did the same, moving behind me, his arms wrapping around me. Leaning back against him, I sighed, looking at my friend.

"Hey." I smiled at her.

"Hey." She smiled back. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine." I told her. "I survived, Claude." Scoffing, I shook my head. "I survived when I shouldn't have. Seems to be the norm." Staring at my hands, Eric put one of his into them.

"It's also what matters, Pen." Claude replied softly.

Looking at her, Maggie's voice moved through my mind. I nodded, offering her a small smile, "All life matters."

Her smile grew and she nodded, "All life matters."

"You're here early." Doc said coming in. "Morning, Kid."

"Morning." I smiled. "So how am I doing?"

"Claude, may we have the room?" She asked me friend.

"It's fine." I frowned at her. "Anything you say to me can be said to her."

She sighed and nodded, "Okay."

Something was wrong. Something happened.

"Tell me the bad news." I told her.

She sat on the edge of the bed, looking between Eric and me. "Okay, so the test results came back and everything is fine. You've worked the serum out of your system and are going to be just fine."

Frowning, I shook my head, squeezing Eric's hand, "I don't understand." She sighed again. "Just tell me." I told her forcefully. "Please."

"You were pregnant." She told me gently.

"What?" I frowned. Eric's arm tightened around me, burying his face in my hair. "What?"

"I'm so sorry, Pen." Doc went on.

Looking at Claude, she had her elbow on her knee, her fingers against her mouth. There were tears in her eyes as she looked at me with so much sympathy I wanted to throw up. Looking back at Doc, I didn't know what expression I was making, but I swore she was going to cry as well.

"You weren't very far along."

"How far?" I asked.

"It's hard to say. A month, maybe two. Three at the most. But I don't think that's likely."

I frowned as shaking started. "Why is it hard to say?" She sighed again. "Stop doing that!" I yelled.

"I'm sorry." She told me, holding up her hand. "I'm sorry, Pen. But the fetus died when you were exposed to the death serum. You managed to survive it, but…"

"I get it." I told her, feeling like I was about to break Eric's hand.

"And it's hard to say because your body started to cleanse itself. You might notice a little bleeding. Most of it has resolved itself while you were unconscious."

"I didn't notice…" Eric started.

"You wouldn't have." Doc smiled at him. "We've been taking care of it as discreetly as possible."

"Okay." He said though I could hear the emotion in his voice.

"I'm so sorry." She told us.

"Thank you." I nodded. "Can I leave?" I asked.

She nodded, "Yeah. I'll get a nurse to get you unhooked."

"Thank you."

As soon as she was gone, Eric had his arms wrapped around me, hugging my head against him as he buried his face in my neck. Gripping him tightly, I waited for the nurse, relieved when it took only a couple minutes for her to walk in. She was quick to get the leads off of me, gently pulling the needle from my arm. Looking at Claude, she nodded and disappeared. She came back out of breath, holding a set of clothes. Quickly changing, I left the room, Eric right behind me. As soon as I was in sight, there were faces and voices. I couldn't hear what they were saying and everyone looked out of focus.

Looking up at Eric, he was completely in focus, if not more so since the moment I fell in love with him. "Can we go home?"

He wrapped his arm around me, pressing his lips into my hair, "Yeah."

Pressing against his side, I kept my head against his chest, not wanting to be with anyone other than the man I loved. Going to the garage, we weren't stopped as we got into a truck and took off. Eric sped faster than I felt safe with, but at the same time I wanted him to go faster. I just wanted to be back in the room where I fell in love with him. Where we made love and were happy. I don't think we'd been as happy as we were since right before the Abnegation attack. There had been moments. But the days leading up to that final night had been pure bliss and all I wanted was to do was get back there.

With Eric.

With the man I loved.

Looking over at him, I took his hand, moving against his side. He put his arm around me. I could feel his worry, pressing a kiss against his arm as I hugged it to my chest. I was worried too. I was worried about him. This wasn't just about me. This was about him. What was he thinking? What was he feeling?

When we reached the door to the glass building, we went in, slowly and silently making our way down into the Pit. We could hear the Chasm, passing it by as we walked the familiar hallways to our room. Stopping outside of it, I looked up at Eric. He did the same, smiling before he swept me off my feet, making me laugh as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Pushing the door open, he carried me inside, pushing the door shut with his foot. He walked to the end of the bed, slowly lowering me down on top of it. He rested himself on top of me, hugging my shoulders against him. For a moment there was a feeling of happiness, only then he rolled off of me, his palm pressed against his forehead. Rolling onto my side, I wrapped my arm around him, my hand against the side of his face, pressing my forehead against the side of it.

"I know, baby." I whispered.

"Don't." He frowned. "Don't use that word right now."

Leaning away so I could look at him, I watched a tear slide down his temple. Kissing it from his skin, I pressed myself against his side. "Okay, Eric."

"How can so much happen when this is all supposed to be over?" He asked.

I shook my head, feeling emotion starting to creep up, "I don't know, Eric. But I do know that we're going to be okay."

He turned his head and met my eyes, "How are you okay right now?"

Smiling, I just shrugged, "I guess it's because that no matter what's happened, I have you. I love you more than anything, Eric. I can overcome anything as long as I am with you." He furrowed his brows, looking at me as if he were seeing me for the first time. "What?" I finally asked.

"It's just…I never thought I'd be anything but a Dauntless leader and a pawn of Jeanine's. Then I met you. This strong and amazing woman who has never been anything but exactly who she is. You've never pretended to be something you're not. I was pretending for years. Then you opened my eyes to who I could be. And I liked him. I like being him." He paused, another tear sliding that he quickly wiped away. "But all that came crashing down. I thought you were going to leave me and I freaked out. I hurt people." His brows were furrowed, only then he looked at me, his expression softening. "But you're the voice in my head. The one telling me that I am better than this. I'm better than I've ever been. You are everything to me."

"And you're everything to me." I smiled and nodded at him. "You're the reason I go to sleep, knowing I'll get to wake up next to you. The most beautiful person I've ever seen. I've thought that since the day I defected. The first time I saw you, only one word came to mind: Beautiful. You're the reason I woke up. You're the reason I exist."

He laughed lightly, his fingers disappearing into my hair as he kissed me deeply. "And for a month or two or maybe three, you were growing the perfect person." He said as his hand found my stomach.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him.

"What are you thinking?" He countered with a frown. "Pen, this isn't a little thing."

I sighed and nodded, "I know."

"Tell me what you're thinking and feeling?"

Laughing lightly, I wiped tears that were starting to fall. "I asked you first."

"I feel like crap." He told me. "At the same time I am relieved on the verge of being happy."

"Happy?" I smirked at him.

"You're alive and awake and as beautiful as ever." He replied. "So yeah, happy."

Unable to suppress the laughter, I laughed, crying at the same time. "I was pregnant." The realization was starting to sink in. "I was pregnant, Eric."

"I know." He said propping himself up on his arm. "It kind of explains a lot."

"Yeah." I nodded with a tight throat. Rolling onto my back, I put my hand to my forehead, "If I had never gone after Tris I would still be pregnant. If I had just…"

"I know, Pen." He said softly, his hand finding my face. "But you wouldn't be you if you hadn't."

"If I hadn't been exposed to that fucking serum…" I said as tears started to stream from the corners of my eyes. "I would have loved to be pregnant."

"I would have loved to see you pregnant." He smirked.

Laughing lightly, attempting to play it off, the tears burned as they kept flowing. Burying my hand in my hair, the weight of our loss crashed down on me. "I killed our baby, Eric." I sobbed.

"Pen." He said putting his hand on my stomach.

Moving it off of me, I bent my knees as I continued to sob, burying my other hand in my hair. "It lived through Erudite. It lived through all the beatings I've taken. It lived through all the gunshot wounds and the fatigue and everything else we've been through. It lived through all that and yet the one thing it couldn't survive was…" I stopped, taking a shuddering breath. I couldn't say it.

"Death." Eric finished for me. "It couldn't survive death. Not like its mom. That's probably my fault."

"Stop it." I shot at him angrily. "You had no part in what happened. You weren't there. This is on me, Eric. I killed our baby. It's my fault, Eric."

"Pen." He said sadly, pulling me onto my side, enveloping me in his arms. "Please don't put all the blame on yourself."

"I killed our baby." I sobbed into his chest. "It's my fault."

"Pen." He said again.

Only then his shoulders started to shake and I felt his tears against my neck as he buried his face there. His arms were shaking as they held me tight against his chest. Sobbing, I melted against him, feeling so weak I didn't know if I'd have the strength to move again. I'd thought about having kids. I thought about the life that Eric and I would have when this was all over. It was supposed to be when this was all over. It wasn't supposed to happen before then. How was I supposed to know? How did this happen? How could I have not realized? How could I have gone after Tris and sacrificed my baby?

"You didn't know." Eric cried into me. "Pen, you didn't know. It's not your fault."

I nodded against his shoulder, "I should have thought. It is my fault."

I hadn't known. It wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind. Others had questioned it but I never once actually considered the possibility. After everything it shouldn't be a surprise and yet…I hadn't once considered that it could actually be happening.

"No, Pen. Please don't blame yourself. I'm the one who left you behind." He told me as he calmed down. "I should have stayed with you. I should never have left you behind."

Sighing, calming myself, I shifted away from him so I could meet his eyes, "You didn't leave me behind, Eric. You came back for me."

"And I was too late." He shot back. "I knew it didn't feel right but I went anyway. The whole way I knew I should've stayed back but I didn't say anything. We were hours away when I finally decided that I couldn't go through with it. If I had just stayed then maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe I could have saved not only our baby but Tris as well. You're not the only one to blame!" He yelled.

Looking down, I put my hand against his chest, it was heaving with the heavy breaths he was taking. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, hearing it shudder the entire time. Looking up at him again, he was looking at the wall where all he could see was himself.

"You are not the only one to blame." He repeated with a soft tone.

"You aren't to blame, Eric." I told him. "Not in the slightest. We both knew what we were doing. It was my mistake. This is one burden I want to keep from you ever having to carry."

He met my eyes, a tear sliding down his cheek, "Too late."

For a long moment we just looked at each other. Feeling the pain and despair start to ebb away, I couldn't help by smile at him. Sighing, I wiped the tears from my face before his, leaning up and kissed him softly. He pulled me into him, his face once again against my neck as he sniffled loudly. Only once. Sighing, he leaned away from me again, nodding as if everything that needed to be said was said.

"I'm sorry." I told him.

"Don't." He replied quickly. "Don't apologize. I shouldn't have yelled."

"You're allowed to feel whatever it is that you're feeling." I replied as I ran my hand across his hair, resting it against his neck. "I'm sorry about our baby, Eric. I am so sorry."

"Me too." He nodded. Then he disarmed me by smirking, the look adorable and perfect and one that I could never not smile at. "We'll just have to try again."

Laughing lightly, I nodded, "I think I'd like that." His smile broadened and he wrapped me in his arms, gently biting my neck playfully as I laughed and gripped him tightly. "God, I love you."

"Almost as much as I love you." He replied and kissed me deeply.

Silence fell between us, lying in each other's arms, looking around the room that had helped make us…us. Tears were shed and laughter shared, feeling a moment's peace without the prying eyes of our family and friends. I was sure Claude told everyone what the doctor had said and I was dreading going back to face them. I just didn't want to go back.

"I want to stay here." I told him softly.

"Me too."

"Can we?"

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, "I don't know. Maybe. There are definitely things we need to figure out."

"Nothing was decided while I was out?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Even if there was I wouldn't know about it. I was a bit distracted."

"Sorry." I told him.

"It's okay, baby." He told me softly.

Looking up at him, I smiled, "We can use that word now?"

He smiled and pressed a kiss against my forehead, "Yeah. Someday we'll have a baby."

"You really want one?" I asked.

He nodded, "Only if it's with you."

"I've already staked claim on you so you don't have much of a choice. You're mine."

He laughed lightly, rubbing my arm, his hand finding my face as he kissed me slow and deep. "And you're mine."

Staying long enough for the sun to dip below the horizon, we fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. The familiar scent of our pillows, the sheets and comforter we knew so well, the mural and many faces of Eric that we'd grown accustomed to. I felt more peace in this room than I did anywhere else. I wanted to be here. I wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. Only they could never be that way again. We'd lost too much and come too far to go back to the way things were.

Now we had the opportunity to create a whole new life with a whole new set of rules. Maybe it was time to move on from what we knew and do something with purpose. Helping the people of Chicago become everything they were meant to be. The war may be over but there was still plenty of work that needed to be done. We needed to rebuild and create a life of peace and prosperity out from underneath the government. We could be our own people.

Waking with the early rays of morning, I got out of bed, going to the patio doors and looking out over the city. Taking a deep breath, I jumped when a familiar face dropped from the balcony above.

Tobias.

I hadn't seen him since before Tris died. Meeting his eyes, he smiled at me. Opening the doors, I stepped out, closing them behind me. I had barely turned around when I found myself in his arms. For a moment we were smiling, only then the tears came and sobs broke from both of us. Happy tears that I was alive, but mostly tears of grief for Tris. Remembering her small form fitting perfectly against his. Knowing how much they loved each other. But something told me that he was the one that loved more. Tris was too strong and bullheaded and selfless. She died because of it and he was left here alone to mourn her. But he wasn't alone. He had me. He had Eric. He had Christina and Claude and everyone else who cared about him. He may feel alone, but he was far from it. We would get through this. We had to.

"I'm so sorry about Tris." I finally told him when we'd calmed down.

"Me too." He nodded.

"You cremated her?" I asked with furrowed brows. "And left her in the morgue?"

He nodded, "What else was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know." I replied, shaking my head. "But she's all alone in the dark."

"She's dead, Opie. She can't be afraid anymore."

Letting out a soft sob, I nodded, "I know. I should have done more to help her."

He took my head in his hands, shaking his as he met my eyes, "You did everything you could and you nearly died because of it. Tris isn't the only one who died that day." I frowned at him. "You were pregnant, Opie. You both have sacrificed more than you ever should have. I lost the person I loved most and you lost a miracle that would have meant the world to you and Eric and everyone else. Something good would have come out of all of this and now…"

"Something good still came out of this." I told him. It was his turn to frown at me. "You're alive. I'm alive. Eric is alive. Many are still alive because of Tris and of you and of all of us. Good things have still happened. Just not enough to overshadow everything that has been lost."

He nodded, taking a deep breath. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. When you found out about the baby and everything else. I should have been there."

"No, Tobias. You need to be wherever you need to be. I'll be okay. I'm tough."

He laughed lightly, "I know."

"What can I do?" I asked him.

He shook his head, "Nothing. There's nothing anyone can do. Eric and Christina talked some sense into me. Now all I have to do is move forward and be who Tris wanted me to be."

Smiling, I pressed a kiss against his forehead, "You're already him."

* * *

 **Thank you so much to all who have been following and reading and of course REVIEWING! You are all very much appreciated! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. As a warning to all, there are only two chapter left. Hopefully it's be a bittersweet yet satisfying ending! LOVE TO ALL!**


	30. Acceptance

**Chapter Thirty: Acceptance**

Returning to the compound, I walked between the love of my life and the best friend and brother I would ever have. I didn't know what we looked like but there was a sense of respect coming from all who we passed. Entering the compound, the security checkpoint was still empty. Moving through it, the sun was shining through the many mirrors of the lobby. Standing in its rays were all our friends and family. They were all looking at us expectantly and I found my pace slowing until I stopped and just looked at them. My parents were here. Claude and Terra. Ainsley and Cara. Everyone was here and they were all waiting for me to say something.

"Tell me what you want to do." Eric said with a hard tone.

Looking up at him, taking in his expression, I knew that he was ready for anything. If I said run, we'd run. If I said fight, we'd fight. But I knew that neither of those things would help the things that have happened. The only thing there was to do was to face those who were our family. We weren't going to abandon them, despite everything that had happened and the feeling of wanting to lock myself away. These were our people and we needed them whether we realized it or not.

"We face them." I said slipping my hand into his. "Might as well do it now rather than later. Then we can start to heal."

He met my eyes, pulling me against his side as he took a step forward. Wrapping my arm around him, I pressed close against his side as we moved toward them. All eyes were shifting from one of us to the other. All of their expressions were filled with sympathy. I hated that they looked at us as if we needed their sympathy. We didn't. It made me feel annoyed.

"It's okay." Eric whispered in my ear.

"It's not okay." I told him. "The way they're looking at us…"

"Let them." He smiled. "Like you said, now rather than later. Then we can find a place just for us."

Nodding, I smiled back at him, "I'd like that."

Looking back at our family, my mother had taken a step forward, "Penelope."

Sighing, I squeezed Eric's shoulder blade before I let him go, moving toward her, "Mama."

Then she was rushing toward me, wrapping me in her arms as she sobbed into my neck. Her grip was painful and I wished she'd loosen it just a little. "I was so worried about you."

"I know. I'm sorry." I told her.

She let me go, taking my head in her hands, "Don't be sorry. We're just glad you're okay."

"Pen." My father said stepping forward.

The last time I saw him, I'd shoved him to the ground, choosing Eric over them. I'd do it again, nervous to know what he would say. But the expression on his face wasn't just sympathy. There was guilt as well. He opened his arms to me, shaking his head, not trusting his voice. I nodded at him, rushing into his arms, and started to cry into his chest. I loved my father and if we could move past everything that had happened then maybe everything would be okay.

"I'm so sorry." He told me. "I am so sorry that we didn't accept him before. But we accept him now and I hope you can forgive us."

The first words out of his mouth were him accepting Eric. Relaxing, I hugged him tighter. "I forgive you, Daddy." I told him. "I'm sorry for my part in everything that happened to Maggie and to Hazel and to your faction."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You did what you had to do to survive. That's what matters." He replied, leaving no room for argument. "Eric." He said releasing me. I couldn't help the tears that fell down my cheeks as I watched my father pull him into his arms. "Thank you for everything you've done for her. We're so sorry about the baby."

"Thank you." Eric replied hugging him tightly.

As soon as my father released him, my mother was hugging him. I couldn't believe my eyes. Maybe more good had come out of all of this than I thought. Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I turned to see a smiling Claude. Wrapping my arms around her, I took a deep breath.

"I love you, Claude." I told her softly.

"I love you, Pen." She replied.

"Thank you for being here."

She frowned at me, but a smile was on her lips, "Where the hell else would I be?"

Smiling, I nodded, only then my smile faltered and I had to swallow the lump in my throat. "I have to know." I told her. "Henry…" I managed before my throat tightened too much for me to say anything else.

She took a deep breath, tears sliding down her cheeks, and nodded. "They brought him back to the city." She told me. "His family had him cremated and put in the city morgue."

Tears were streaming down my cheeks. "Why is everyone left in the dark?"

"We'll get him back." She told me matter-of-factly. "Don't you worry, Pen. We'll bring our little family back together again."

"He shouldn't have come after us." I told her, starting to sob again. I thought I'd finished mourning him, but having her tell me what happened after renewed my grief. "He shouldn't have been there."

"He knew what he was doing, Pen. He would have done it ten times over if it meant saving you. He loved you so much." She went on.

"Did you see him?" I asked her.

She nodded, gently playing with my hair, "He looked good, Pen. He looked like Henry."

Wrapping my arms around her again, I sobbed into her shoulder. I needed to go through this with her. The three of us had been close since the beginning and to have lost him felt like a part of us was missing. Gripping her as tightly as I could, I didn't let go until I felt a hand against my back. Looking up at Eric, he pulled Claude into him, hugging her tightly. Then he had pulled me against him as well, the three of us embracing each other, taking in the comfort we had to give. Then Terra was there, Claude pulling her against her side. Then Tobias, who I quickly pulled against me. Then he pulled Christina, and then she pulled Cara. Soon we were just a mass of people embracing each other. All of us had fought and survived this war. We were bonded in ways that no one could understand or come close to touching.

Having shared all the tears and embraces we could stand, we finally moved on from the lobby. Going to the cafeteria, I sat down at one of the tables and felt like a magnet as everyone was drawn into the seats around me. Eric was next to me, pressed against my side, his hand against my back as he looked at our friends and family. I couldn't be safer than I was right now and he was still being overly protective of me.

Rubbing his thigh, I smiled at him, "It's okay, baby."

He nodded, pressing a kiss against my forehead, "I know. It's become kind of a habit to be defensive."

"I know." I nodded. "I love you."

His brows furrowed and he pulled me against his chest, wrapping me in his arms. "I love you, Pen."

Wrapping my arms around his, I sighed with contentment, never wanting to move. Feeling tears again, I shifted so I could wrap my arm around his neck, the other hugging his shoulder as I buried my face into his neck. Silently crying, he trailed his lips across my shoulder to my neck. Taking a deep breath, he let it out forcefully, the warmth of it flowing over me, calming me.

"I love you so much." I whispered to him.

He hugged me tighter before we both jumped, looking up as Claude slammed two plates of food in front of us. Terra smiled and slid a plate in front of Four. For a long moment we all just stared at the food. My stomach turned at the smell of it. I couldn't tell if it was because I was starving or if it was just making me nauseous.

"Who knows the last time you ate." Claude stated as she sat across from me.

Nodding, I sighed and pushed it around, frowning down at it.

"Eat it." Eric told me.

Looking at him, he hadn't touched his yet either. "You first." I smiled at him.

"Baby, eat the food." He told me sternly.

Frowning, I pushed my plate slightly away from me. "When was the last time you ate? I'm sure they were feeding me in some way while I was out."

He sighed and faced forward, folding his arms on top of the table as he leaned forward. He was frowning, staring down at the food.

"I'm sorry." I told him, rubbing his back. "That wasn't fair." He looked at me and I offered him a small smile and took a bite from his plate. "Tasty."

He returned it, grabbing a bite from mine before we both devoured the food. After that first bite my stomach felt like it was going to eat itself if I didn't put more into it. As soon as our plates were empty, another was pushed toward us and I couldn't help but devour it just as fast, feeling like I was going to burst when it was gone.

"Oh my god. I ate too much." I told the table as I leaned against Eric, resting my head against his shoulder.

"You didn't eat enough." My mother smiled.

Everyone had been quiet, feeling their eyes on us the entire time. But I did my best to ignore them. Smiling at her, I looked up as Terra offered each of us a role. Thanking her, I took it, watching Eric devour his before offering mine to him. He frowned and shook his head but I simply raised a brow at him. I'd eaten enough and he needed it more than I did. Sighing, he took it, getting a victorious smile from me. He smirked and nudged me before putting his hand against my arm. Feeling perfectly content in being distracted by Eric, I turned toward the others when something was slid toward me.

For a moment I stared at it, and then pulled my sketchbook toward me. It was the one I had left in Amity. The one that Maggie had said she'd hidden for me. Feeling tears, I opened it, starting to flip through the pages. Eric's arm moved around me as he pressed against my side, his fingers of the other playing with the pages as I turned them.

"People are gonna think you're obsessed with me or something." Eric teased as we reached the section that was very much dedicated to him.

Grinning, I turned my head and met his eyes, "You already know I'm addicted to you."

He nodded, "I do know that. The feeling is mutual."

Grinning wider, I kissed him quickly before looking back at the book. Continuing to flip through the pages, I froze when I came across an envelope. My name was written across the front of it, recognizing Maggie's handwriting.

"We haven't opened it." My mother told me. "We left it there for when we saw you again."

Frowning now, I picked the envelope up, staring at my name. "You didn't know you were going to see me again."

"We know." My father nodded. "But we hoped we would. When this was all over we'd either have you back or have to say goodbye."

Nodding back at him, sighing, I looked at Eric, handing him the letter. "Will you hold on to this for me?"

"Of course." He told me, taking it from me.

My mother looked taken aback by it, "You're – you're not going to read it?"

"Not right now." I told her, closing the book and slid it back toward her.

"We saved this for you." She frowned, sliding the book back toward me.

Smiling, I shook my head at her, "I want you to keep it. It has a lot of memories in it. I think you and Dad would appreciate it more than me. I can always make some more." She nodded and pulled it back to her, picking it up and hugged it against her chest.

"I'm sorry." She told me.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." I told her with furrowed brows. "Don't be sorry."

"I'm sorry anyway." She smiled at me, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"We're both sorry." My father stated as he wrapped his arm around her. "We never meant to push you away. We would never want to lose you. No matter what."

"I know, Daddy. I know that." I nodded at him.

"It's all over now." Eric told us. "It's over and now we can all start to heal. We're not segregated anymore. You're all family. You can be a family again."

"You're family too." My mother told him quickly.

My father smiled at him and nodded, "She's right, Eric. You're family now too. And will be treated as such."

"Thank you." Eric smiled back at him.

For the moment we all just looked at each other, and then Caleb and Hazel appeared, tentatively stepping toward us. Looking at up at her, I offered a small smile, seeing her relax and take a seat next to our mother. She was swiftly embraced while Caleb ever so slowly lowered himself in the seat next to her. Meeting Tobias's eyes, I sighed and nodded, reaching out for him. He took my hand, moving closer to me, looking anywhere but were Caleb was. Grabbing my sketchbook from where it sat in front of my mother, I set it in front of him. At least it was something he could preoccupy himself with. It was better than him leaving.

There was a long moment of silence before I broke it. Needing to know. "Will you answer a few questions for me?"

"Of course." My father nodded. "Anything you want to know, we'll tell."

I paused again, trying to decide where to start. "Why didn't you ever tell us where you came from?" Hazel looked at me before looking expectantly at our parents.

"What would that have done?" My father countered. "It was to protect you. That's all we ever wanted."

"It would have helped us understand what was going on better." I told them.

"We never expected something like this to happen. This was never supposed to happen." My mother replied.

My father sighed, averting his eyes from us, "Maggie knew."

"What?" I shot at him.

"Why would you tell her and not us?"

They exchanged a look before looking at us again. "She overheard us talking one night. She confronted us, having figured out what we were talking about. She'd been piecing it together for months. She knew and didn't say anything because even she knew the danger of the information."

Shaking my head, I looked at Eric. He smiled, pressing a kiss against my forehead. Looking at my father, I frowned at him, "What's your history with Marcus?" Remembering that night in the greenhouse.

He shook his head, "Marcus and I knew each other before your mother and I chose Amity. He had been pursuing your mother and we'd had several confrontations. He was a distraction from our mission within the city. That and I never could stand him. There was always something off about him. That came to light when we heard about Evelyn and Tobias. But being in Amity made it difficult to do anything about it. Later in life, Marcus became privy to what was really going on." He paused and bobbed his head back and forth. "To an extent. He managed to make our lives a living hell while we attempted to not send the city into a tailspin. We had to stop Jeanine and yet didn't want the video to be released. We knew what was outside the walls and we still believed that the city could come back from a fight with Erudite. We wanted to keep the peace for as long as possible. Only it wasn't just Jeanine anymore. It was Evelyn as well. And then those outside the walls. An all-out war was going to break out and there was nothing we could do about it."

"So when I showed up at your door…" I started, furrowing my brows.

"We knew that it had started. We wanted you to stay with us so we could protect you, but you had other concerns that outweighed ours."

"Concerns that still outweigh yours." I frowned at them.

All eyes glanced toward Eric. He sighed and nodded, "Yeah."

"I wouldn't change a damn thing." I added. "So you can look at him all you want. He's still the reason I would do it all over again."

"We know." My father nodded sadly.

Sighing, I put my hand against Eric's thigh, smiling at him before putting my hand against his face, pulling his head to my so I could kiss his temple, whispering, "I love you."

He met my eyes and kissed me sweetly, "I love you too."

"What about where you came from?" Hazel asked. "Why didn't you just stay here?"

"We were born and raised here." Our mother replied. "We were raised listening to all the genetic talk. Then when the opportunity arose to leave the compound, we didn't hesitate. And Natalie and I were close. We couldn't all go to the same faction so they split us up. After a while we lost touch. Especially after we had chosen our new factions."

"You weren't happy here?" Hazel asked.

"No." Our father replied. "We weren't."

"Did you know you were divergent?" I asked next.

They looked at each other and then nodded. "We knew." My mother replied.

"And as soon as Hazel was born we started to watch for the signs that our children were as well. If you've learned anything about genes you know that just because we were both divergent didn't mean all of you were. The chances are high but not certain." My father went on.

"We noticed the signs in Maggie first."

"Maggie?" Hazel frowned. "But she wasn't divergent."

"She was." Our mother nodded, smiling softly.

Feeling tears again, I took Eric's hand, gripping it tightly, "She never said anything."

"She didn't want anyone to know. She made us promise not to say anything. It wasn't a hard one to make, knowing what we did about Jeanine and her predecessor. Even after you came and told us of your divergence, she didn't want you to know. She wanted to protect you just as much as we did."

"It didn't work though." I shot at them. "She should have told me."

They nodded, smiling sadly. "There are a lot of things we all should have told each other." My father stated.

Wiping a tear from my cheek, I looked at Eric again before my father. "What else do you know about Eric's parents?"

"Just what I told you." He replied.

"Do you know what happened to them?" Eric asked.

"The last we heard, Evelyn had them arrested and executed with a few others whose indiscretions were unforgivable."

His jaw clenched and he nodded, but he didn't say anything.

"It's for the best." I told him softly.

"I know." He nodded. "I'm actually a little disappointed that I didn't get to see it."

Offering him a small smile, I pressed another kiss against his temple, running my fingers through his hair. Putting my lips against his ear, I whispered, "Now you really are all mine."

He laughed lightly, putting his hand against my face, then his lips were against my ear, "I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Anything else you want to know?" My father asked. "Not sure what there is left say, but…"

"There's a lot to say." I replied as I looked at him. "About how you were raised and how you grew up inside the city." They just looked at me. "But that story can be left for another time."

"Why?" Hazel frowned.

"If you want to hear it then feel free." I told her. "But I'm good. That's enough for me right now."

"You just want to go make out with your fiancé." Tobias said softly, smirking at me.

In the next second water was being sprayed at all of us, making us look at Claude, "Come again?"

Then all their eyes were on us. Eric and I exchanged a look, smiling at each other before looking at the rest of them. "Eric and I have decided that we are going to get married."

"And you never told me?" Claude frowned at me.

"It wasn't something that was constantly on my mind." I shrugged at her.

"How could it not be?" Terra beamed at me. "You two are getting married!" She was the first to stand up and embrace us as we did the same. "Congratulations!"

Laughing, I hugged her tightly, "Thank you."

"When?" Claude asked still frowning.

"After Erudite." I told her. "After you all got me out, we had a long talk, and I asked him to marry me."

"You asked him?" Hazel frowned at me.

"And he was stupid enough to say yes." I grinned and laughed, looking up at him.

He wrapped his arm around me, "No, I was smart enough to never let you go."

"Wow." My mother told me. "Congratulations." She added, standing to embrace us as well.

"Eric." My father said as he stood. "No one is good enough for my little girl." He told him with seriousness. Only then a smile broke out across his face, "But if there were ever a man I'd give her to, it'd be you."

"Thank you." Eric replied and quickly hugged my father.

"Congratulations." My father beamed, laughing as he hugged me next. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, Daddy." I told him, then looked at Claude. "I know you've had your differences with Eric but –"

"Shut the hell up." She told me with a smile. "Get over here." She added as she embraced me tightly. "I'm so happy for you, Pen."

"Thank you." I told her, tearing up a bit.

"After that he can knock you up as many times as he wants." She teased before pausing, waiting for my reaction.

"And Auntie Claude will be their favorite person." I replied sadly.

She embraced me again, hugging me tightly. "I love you."

"Love you too."

Talking for a while longer, they had a few questions for Eric and I, and we tried to answer them the best we could. Our relationship had been pretty explicit and we didn't need to share any more than was necessary. But they didn't know Eric very well so it was fun to play a little trivia and to let them see him for who he truly was and not for the actions and rumors that had been following him for years now. And it was nice.

As the talking died down, there was one last thing that I needed to do. Taking our leave from everyone, I held tight to Eric's hand as we slowly walked toward the morgue. When we reached its doors, Eric stopped, nodding at me as he let my hand go. Smiling, I leaned up and kissed him gently. Turning, I stepped through the doors, and walked toward the shelves of urns. Finding Tris's name, I reached out and gently touched it. It felt like a shock went through me and I found myself falling to my knees, once again sobbing for her. I was so angry with her for what she did. After everything we'd been through, we were finally as close as we should have been. I had realized how much I needed her and then she went and got herself killed. She didn't have to go in there. We could have tried again. We could have run far away from here and regrouped before succeeding in our plan. There were so many possibilities but instead of thinking about those, she went and sacrificed the one thing that was just too much. She should be here. She shouldn't have done what she did. She…she did what no one else would, and yet the pain and emptiness that her absence left was almost too much to bear. This wasn't the way it was supposed to end. We were supposed to be happy with our men and to build a life together. We'd joked about raising our children together next door from each other. Now I'd not only lost one of my best friends – another sister – but that first child between us.

"This isn't the way it was supposed to be." I told her. "You are such an idiot, Tris. You weren't supposed to go in there. Caleb should have done it. His death would have been so much easier to bear. Because this sucks, Tris. You should be here. Tobias needs you. I need you. So just…just appear from nowhere and let everything be as it should be."

"Opie?" Tobias's voice said softly.

Quieting myself, I turned my head and looked at him with a tearstained face. "I wanted to see her." I told him. He nodded and stepped forward. Looking up at the urn, hot tears swiftly fell down my cheeks. "But she's not here. There's just a pile of ash with her name by it. The Tris we knew and loved isn't here anymore."

"Sure she is." He told me, gently touching the urn.

"Then why can't I feel her?"

He kneeled in front of me, taking my hands, "Because you aren't letting yourself feel her. You're trying so hard to be strong."

"Do I look strong to you?" I asked him with blurred vision.

"Yeah." He smiled. "You do. Crying doesn't make you weak. You're strong enough to let your grief show. But you're not letting yourself feel her. Or Henry. Or Tori. Remember them and let them back in. They may be gone but they will always be with us." He told me, putting his hand over my heart. "You of all people should know that."

"Why me?" I smiled back at him.

"Because your heart was big enough and strong enough to tame Eric. Your capacity to love and forgive is greater than anyone I've ever met."

Laughing lightly, I shook my head, "Even if all that's true, I don't know if I can let them all in. To feel the loss of all of those who have died…it's unbearable."

"Feel it, Opie. Because if you don't then I don't think I'll be able to either. And I want to feel her again. I want to feel like she'll always be with me."

"She will, Tobias. She will _always_ be with you." I frowned at him.

Tears filled his eyes, his shoulders bouncing as he started to sob, "Then help me feel her."

Swiftly taking him into my arms, we once again sobbed, feeling as if all the memories we had of all those who died came flooding back all at once. Everything we'd ever felt that we had been repressing was now at the surface, spilling out of us as we sobbed into each other. We both needed this. We both needed to feel her loss together, to find her in the love we shared for her, and for each other. He was right when he said that we'd carry her with us. He was right about pretty much everything. We'd both have to be strong enough to carry those we lost with us. Some shared, some not. But we owed it to them and the sacrifices they made. We owed it to ourselves.

Finally calming ourselves enough to move, we stood, looking at Tris's urn once more before turning and walking out, hand in hand. Eric swiftly stood, wiping his palms on his thighs as he met my eyes. Stepping up to him, I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. My cheeks were still hot from crying; his chest just as warm, but I loved the feel of him. It was calming and comforting. Taking a deep breath of him, I relaxed, letting him support my weight.

"I love you." I whispered against him.

"I love you too, Pen." He whispered back.

Thinking we were on our way to the dormitory, we veered off toward that atrium. I was exhausted and ready to sleep, only when I looked up at Eric, about to question him, the look of seriousness on his face made me stay quiet. I couldn't deny that the atrium held some very happy memories for us. But after today, I just wanted to sleep.

Walking to the bench, Eric sat me down before kneeling in front of me, moving between my legs. Gently taking his head in my hands, I smiled at him. He smiled back, his hands moving up and down my thighs as he looked at me sadly. He wrapped his arms around my middle, his head resting against my chest. With one arm around his shoulders, the other around his head, I held him tightly against me. Pressing my lips into his hair, I took a deep breath of him.

"Thank you for not dying." He told me.

"I could never leave you." I replied. "I'm kind of madly in love with you." I added and laughed lightly.

He squeezed me tighter before he let me go, looking up at me. Smiling, he leaned up and kissed me deeply. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked him. He held up Maggie's letter. "Did you read it?" I frowned at him.

"No." He replied. "But she wrote this and then I killed her. I'm sure this is not how she wanted it to happen. I'm sure she wrote this with every intention of seeing you again." Sighing, I took the letter from him, setting it aside. "Pen."

"Eric." I said taking his hands in mine. Bringing them to my lips, I pressed a kiss against them before hugging them against my chest. "Baby, I forgive you now just as I forgave you then. Anything that's in this letter won't change that. It won't change anything."

He laughed lightly and smiled up at me. "I'm afraid of what she wrote in there."

Letting one hand go, I gripped his sides with my knees, picking up the letter and once again took in the script of her hand. Taking a deep breath, I let go of his other hand and opened it, pulling it free. Eric's hands were gripping my thighs.

"Okay." I told him, running my hand down the side of his head. "Here we go." Taking a deep breath, I was going to start reading, only then Eric quickly stood, stepping away from me. "Eric." I frowned up at him.

He ran his hand down his face, "I can't, Pen. I can't hear what she wrote."

Setting the letter aside, I got to my feet, "Eric, baby, she isn't going to condemn you in this letter."

"Pen, you don't understand." He told me, still backing away from me.

Frowning, I reached out for him, "Stop walking away from me." He did but looked anxious. "Baby." I said closing the distance between us. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hugged him tightly. Putting his hands on my sides, he slide them around me, hugging me back just as tight. "I need you to do this with me."

"You've never asked anything more about what happened. I gave you the basics but you have never once asked to know more." He told me sadly.

"Do you want me ask?" I replied as I let him go.

He shook his head, "No."

It seemed like a lifetime ago when she was killed and he was working for Jeanine. When he told me that he had killed my sister. I was so broken in that moment that I didn't hear a lot of what he had said. What difference would it make now? She was gone. Not only that but I'd already seen her again. She helped me get back to him. I woke up for Eric, but Maggie had helped me do it. Even if she was just a figment of my imagination. For me it was real and I had seen my sister again.

"It doesn't matter." I told him.

"It does matter." He frowned at me.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because more was said than what I told you. More happened before I told her you were dead. She – she – said some things and I remember every single word of it. I can recite it in my head and hear her voice when she said it. I – I can't know what she wanted to tell you because I took her life. I killed her and destroyed your family. That was me, Pen. I did that. And now…"

"And now what?" I asked with a small smile.

He frowned harder at me. "Why are you smiling?"

Taking his head in my hands, I kissed him deeply, "Because I will love you just as much if not more after I read that letter."

"You don't know that." He frowned. "It might just make you remember everything I've stolen from you. All the moments you'll never have because I shot her in the chest."

I faltered at that. No one had ever said where she was shot. Just that it happened and that it was fast.

"I'm sorry." He said and gently pushed me away from him, swiftly moving toward the door.

"Walk out that door and we're done." I shot at him angrily. He froze and turned toward me, shock written across his face. "Get your ass back here." I told him as I kept his eyes. For a second I thought he was going to challenge me, but then he sighed and moved toward me again, stopping in front of me with a bowed head. "Thank you."

"You can't possibly be serious." He told me but didn't meet my eyes.

"Of course not." I smiled with a gentle tone. "But I do know how to make you hear me." He met my eyes with a raised brow, still frowning. "Baby, you're being ridiculous. It's just a letter. Written for a sister by a sister. She's gone and she's not coming back. I've come to terms with that. Also with the fact that you are the one who took her from me." Putting my hand against his face, I stepped closer to him. "I'm no longer sad about what happened. When I was sleeping, she was there with me for every moment of it. She relived my life with me and it was as if she was really there. She has seen my life up until the moment I nearly lost it. She played the role of guardian angel and she helped get me back to you. So the only thing I'm worried about is you."

"Pen." He frowned harder.

"You should read it." I told him.

"No." He stated firmly.

"If you won't read it than you have to sit with me while I do." He looked at the letter on the bench, sighed, and finally nodded. "Good. Because I need you, Eric."

He nodded and kissed me deeply. "I need you too."

"You aren't the same man even then than you are now." I told him with certainty. "Give yourself a little credit." I added with a smirk.

He laughed lightly and led me back to the bench. Sitting sideways, our bent legs pressed together, I leaned forward and took his hand. Picking up the letter with the other, I put it between us, swallowing and clearing my throat.

 _Pen,_

 _Happy Birthday!_

 _I've missed the last five so I just wanted to send good wishes your way._

"Seriously?" Eric asked me with a raised brow.

Laughing, I nodded at him, rubbing my hand up and down his arm. "Yeah, baby, that was Maggie." Feeling him relax, I leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you."

He smiled and kissed me again, "I love you too, baby."

 _Now that that's over let's get to the heavy part. Your man is by far the hottest thing on two legs! That's the heaviest part. I'm happy to get that off my chest._

"Are you making this up?" Eric frowned.

"Do you want to read it?" I asked as I handed the letter over.

"No." He told me, leaning away from it.

"Then shut up." I smirked.

He ran his hand up and down my thigh. "Sorry."

"I love you." I told him. He just smiled, squeezing me high on my thigh, making me jerk. "Stop it."

He grinned and nodded toward the letter, "Keep reading."

 _Okay, now for the lighter stuff._

 _You are the most amazing person I have ever met. I am so proud of you. You've always followed your heart and you've always made sure that your life was yours. It was always the one you wanted to live and you took it by the horns and you ran with it. If there was ever a person that I wanted to be like it was you. Every time._

 _I know that things have been different and that our family isn't quite our family anymore. I know that Hazel is more Erudite than anything and has been talking about leaving to join Jeanine. The only thing that has stopped her is you. She's more loyal than you think and she would give herself for you._

"Bullshit, Mags." I told her. "I'm sorry, but that's a load of bullshit."

Feeling angry, I dropped the letter. I didn't want to read her defending our sister who had left me in a cell to die. She had left Amity after Maggie was killed. Why couldn't she just have stuck around and helped our parents after losing two of their children? Why –?

"Pen." Eric said softly, picking up the letter, starting to read.

 _But I would too. I know a fight is coming. I want more for you, Pen. I want you to live a long and happy life. So I've decided something. I've decided that I will denounce Amity as my faction and I am going to join you in this fight._

"Maggie." I whispered as tears filled my eyes, my chest clenching.

"It's okay, baby." Eric told me softly as he ran his hand up and down my thigh.

 _I want to be at your side when you take back your freedom and that of the Divergent. I know that you'll have some big role to play in all of this. Along with Four and Tris and Claude and Terra and Henry. I want to meet them. I want to get to know them and be a part of the family and the life you have created for yourself._

 _More than that, I want to meet –_

Eric stopped and put his fist against his mouth, taking a deep breath. Running my hand across his hair, tears brimmed and fell, sliding down my cheeks. He held back his emotion, taking my hand as I he tried again.

 _More than that, I want to meet Eric._

The tears came faster and hotter as I gripped his hand tighter, bowing my head. He pulled his hand from mine, putting it on the back of my head, pulling me to him as he pressed a kiss against my forehead. Bringing my hand to his neck, I covered my mouth with the other, shutting my eyes as tears streamed from them. Then he was reading again.

 _I've known you your whole life and I have never once seen you so attached to a person. At first I thought it was just an obsession and that maybe he had just been manipulating you. But then I realized that it was so much more than that. I mean, you do seem to have a slightly unhealthy obsession with him, but…it was in the way you talked about him. It was the look on your face at the mere thought of him. I know that you and him are on opposite sides of this but I have to believe that you will be reunited and end up better and stronger than you were before._

 _I've looked at your drawings over and over again. I've studied them. Memorized them. His are the only ones with flawless detail, down to the occasional blemish on his face. You are so in love with him and I have never been happier for you. I love you most when you're talking about him. It's hard to believe that anyone is good enough for my baby sister, but I believe that Eric is. He lights you up like I've never seen before. He has to be worth it if he brings that out in you._

Both of us are crying now and I can't decide if it's out of sadness or happiness or somewhere in between. Eric had his head against my shoulder, his hand on my arm as I embraced him, crying into his neck. Then he leaned back and handed me the letter.

"Finish it." He told me.

Nodding, I took it, running my hand along her writing. Taking his hand again, I held it tightly as I took a deep breath, swallowing hard before I started to read. It was almost over. It was a relief and yet I felt like I wasn't ready yet.

 _I am ready, Pen._

The irony.

 _I am ready to join you in this fight and learn from the woman who has inspired me and motivated me and made me want to be more than what I am. I look forward to living in your world. I'm nowhere near cut out for it, but I'll learn and I will be at your side. And from what I've seen and from what you've told me, you all could use my bubbly personality and a positive attitude. I'm sure I'll stick out like a sore thumb, but you need that._

 _Don't grow hard, Pen. Don't lose yourself in this fight. That's another reason I want to join you. And the list of reasons will just keep getting longer and longer. Just like this letter…_

 _So, just know that you're the best thing in my life, Pen. I might be bias but I don't care. With my luck you won't even get this until after the whole thing is over._

Eric laughed lightly, running his hand down his face again, wiping the tears away.

 _I hope you all the best that this world has to offer. I hope that you and Eric are reunited. I hope I get to babysit your kids in the future. I hope so many things that I'd need a lot more paper. But more than anything, I hope you find peace. Even now, as I write this, you're having a nightmare. You're saying Eric's name. Another reason I know that you belong with him. Just one more reason why I can't wait to meet him. I can say without a doubt that he will bring you the peace you need. I hope you find that. I hope you find him._

 _I love you, Pen._

 _No matter what happens. No matter where we are. I'll always be with you. Always and Forever._

 _Maggie_

Tears were still streaming as I touched the symbol, smiling. Nodding, I set it aside as I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Looking at Eric, his head was bowed, his eyes shut, and his knee was bouncing. Putting my hand against it, he stilled, raising his head and met my eyes, a final tear sliding down his cheek. Wiping it away with my thumb, I leaned in and kissed him. It was slow and gentle at first, and then became more urgent. Deepening it, I shifted, straddling his lap as I took his head in my hands, kissing him as hard and deep as humanly possible. His arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly against his chest.

"I love you." I whispered to him.

"I love you, Pen." He whispered back.

Smiling, I ran my thumbs back and forth across his cheeks, "See? That wasn't so bad."

He laughed and pulled me against him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I put my hand against the top of his head, the other against the back of his neck. Both of us were taking slow, deep breaths, calming down from the emotional overload that neither of us was expecting.

I was the first to let go, or attempted to let go. Eric kept his arms firmly around me a few minutes longer before he finally released me. Taking his head in my hands again, I smiled and kissed him sweetly. He sighed and pressed his forehead against mine.

"What now?" I asked him.

He sighed again before leaning away to meet my eyes, "I'm thinking we go back to the dormitory so I can hold you while you sleep."

Smiling wider, I kissed him slowly, savoring the taste and feel of him. "I think it's my turn to hold you."

"You don't get a turn." He teased, gently gripping my sides.

Laughing, I kissed him again. "Whatever you say, baby."

Making our way back to our beds, Eric and I changed, grazing flesh, before we both laid down. I curled into myself, feeling better as Eric laid behind me. There was barely enough room for the both of us, but I didn't want him anywhere else. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me tightly against his chest. Taking his hand, I laced our fingers as I hugged his arm against me, taking a deep breath and let it out slowly.

I was exhausted. Crying was so exhausting and I was sick of doing it. I wanted to feel better and yet the tears didn't suffice. Maggie's letter did though. My tears for Tris were painful and full of grief. My tears for Maggie were full of love and almost felt like I was able to shut the door on the grief I held for my sister. Even though she was gone, I felt like we were okay.

Feeling Eric's lips in my hair, I smiled, pressing a kiss against his fingers. He made a soft noise as he moved his lips to my neck, taking a deep breath. Even though he was perfectly molded behind me, I wasn't comfortable. Getting up, I looked down at him. He smiled and settled himself in the center of the cot. Putting my knee at his side, I laid down on top of him. He wrapped an arm around me, the fingers of the other slipping into my hair. Leaning down, I kissed him softly.

"I love you." He told me.

"Eric." I whispered. "I love you more."

Staring at him, running my finger from one side of his face to the other, I kissed him once more before resting my head on his chest, his heartbeat and the sound of his breathing the lullaby I could never replace. Nothing was better than that sound. He was amazing. He was everything.

Aware that I was dreaming, there was a sense of comfort that I rarely felt in my dreams. They were never as happy as I would have liked, but this one had a feeling of happiness. I was once again in Dauntless, walking the halls to my apartment. Opening the door, I couldn't help the racing of my heart as I took in Maggie, Henry, and Tori. Opening my mouth to ask where Tris was, they shifted and she stepped in between them.

"What's going on?" I asked them.

"You wanted closure." Maggie stated.

"So I'm dreaming about you?" I frowned.

"We're okay, Pen." Tori smiled. "It sucks. But we're okay."

"Henry." I told him with an airy tone. "You shouldn't have been there."

He nodded, smiling, "I know."

"Then what were you thinking?"

He scoffed and shook his head, "Saving the life of the woman I love."

"Henry." I frowned.

"Hey, just because I didn't get the girl, doesn't mean I didn't love the girl. Eric is perfect for you, I know that. But I still love you."

Rushing toward him, I wrapped my arms around his neck, "I love you too." He hugged me back, not letting go until Tori's hand was on my shoulder. "I love you, Tori." I told her hugging her as well. "I miss you. All of you."

"You've seen plenty of me since I've died." Maggie told me.

Laughing, I nodded, "Yeah, you've definitely been the center of my subconscious." She laughed and nodded. Growing somber, I stepped up to her, taking her hands. "Thank you for your letter."

She smiled and nodded again, "You're welcome. I hope it helped."

"Eric was a bit upset about it all but…" I replied and trailed off.

She sighed and her smile turned as somber as my own. "I know that you don't know everything. I know that he feels guilty about it. But I'm okay, Pen. You need to reassure him that I'm okay. Everything happens for a reason. I don't hate him for it. I love him like the brother I never had."

Tears spilled down my cheeks as I gripped her hands tighter, "Thank you."

There was a short moment of silence before Tris broke it, "Is Tobias okay?"

My smile faltered and I stepped toward her. Sighing, I shook my head, "No."

"You need to help him." She stated.

"I will. I am. As much as I can."

"Is Eric okay?" She asked next.

"Yeah." I nodded. "He's okay."

"And you?"

Shrugging, I was once again fighting tears, "I've been better."

She took my hands in hers, "You can do this, Pen. You will be okay. You can't dwell on everything that's happened. Isn't that what you always say?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"In this, you need to believe it." She told with certainty.

I nodded at her, "Okay."

"Pen, I mean it. We're gone. But we're never far." She went on.

Staring at her, I was trying to memorize her all over again. "Why did you do it, Tris?" I asked as tears streamed and it took all of me not to completely breakdown. "Why did you go into that lab?"

"I had to, Pen. You know that. We needed to get it done and Caleb wasn't going to be able to." She replied.

"We could have figured something else out." I told her, a sob breaking from me.

She quickly wrapped her arms around me. "Opie." She whispered, making me sob harder as I gripped her as tight as I could. "We both did what we had to do. You know I had to see it through. But you survived. That's what matters."

"No." I cried. "I need you with me."

"No, you don't." She told me softly. "You're stronger than me. You will be okay." I just looked at her. "Tell me you'll be okay."

"I'll be okay." I told her, nodding as I let her go. "I don't believe you, but okay. I'll be okay."

She laughed as she gently played with my hair. "Take care of Tobias for me." She said softly. "He'll need you and Eric."

"I will. I promise." I nodded. "He'll never be alone."

"Thank you."

Then Tori stepped up to me, running her hand down my hair. "Get some rest, sweetie. You need to take care of yourself."

"Okay." I smiled at her.

"We'll always be here." Henry said putting his hand against my shoulder.

Then Maggie had her hand over my heart. "Never far."

The dream faded and then the serenity of sleep took. Only I could feel them. I could almost hear Maggie sing again, and Henry's laugh, and Tori's advice. Tris's strength and her ability to annoy me. They were all still there. Tobias had been right. Feeling them was easier than fighting them. It was okay to let them in. It was okay to feel everything I'd been holding back, thinking that I needed to be strong. Strength was still needed, but I could lower my guard. The war was over, Eric was pressed against me, and those of us that were left were okay and would continue to be okay. We'd learn to live in this new world and take it day by day. But at the end of it we would all be okay.


	31. The End and the Beginning

**Chapter Thirty-one: The End and the Beginning**

Stepping through the door of our home, I quickly set my satchel aside, rolling my neck and shoulders to try and relax after a long day's work. Looking around, every now and again I had to take it in; appreciating the life we'd been given. Our three bedroom home was just north of the river on one of the lower floors, but we can see a stretch of buildings through the windows in the kitchen and living room. The walls were nearly all windows. It reminded me of my old home.

Next door to us is Tobias, living alone in a small apartment. On our other side is Claude and Terra. Theirs is also smaller, but both apartments are still spacious. Following Tobias's lead, we were a few of the first to resettle in the new Chicago. Zeke, Shauna, Christina, Amar, and George had decided to live in the higher floors of the Hancock building, and Caleb, Hazel, and Cara moved back to the apartments near Millennium Park. Eric and I had thought about going back to the home we knew and loved, but couldn't bring ourselves to separate ourselves from Tobias. Not after everything. And it really was beautiful here, I couldn't deny that, and Tobias didn't want to be near either of his old homes. Once we decided to stay, Claude and Terra refused to go anywhere else as well. My parents went back to their home and I'd found Simmy in an apartment near the Hub. We were all dispersed but were still as close as ever. I knew that no matter where we were, we'd still be family and we'd still be there for each other. We didn't go through what we went through to lose each other. If anything it brought us all closer together.

Walking to the windows, I took in the lights of the other buildings before I pulled the curtains closed. The sun had set some time ago, and I knew that Eric was more than likely already in bed sound asleep. Continuing to try and relax, I slowly walked down the hallway leading to our room. The walls were lined with pictures. Not only the ones I'd managed to print from my camera but with ones I'd drawn. Our life was on these walls. Faces of those we loved and lost still smiling at us. They were missed every day and thought of often. God how I missed them.

Stepping into our room, I couldn't help the smile that moved across my face. Eric was on his stomach, soft noises escaping him as he slept. Stripping from my scrubs, I pulled on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Crawling into bed, I laid next to him, trailing kisses up the tattoo on his back, then his neck, before nuzzling my face against it. He took a deep breath, turning his head toward me. Putting my hand against his face, I kissed him softly.

"How was your day?" He asked groggily.

"Busy." I replied softly. "And three of the other nurses called in so I stayed to help out."

"You're a good woman." He replied already drifting back to sleep. "I'm sure Simmy was there." He added trying to stay awake.

"Of course she was." I smiled, running my hand up and down his side. "We're the best team they've got."

He let out a chuckle, pulling me closer against his chest, "They're lucky to have you."

"How was your day?" I asked.

"Not as busy as yours." He said finally opening his eyes, looking at me fondly.

Smiling, I kissed him, "You're still not sorry about your choice?"

"No." He replied. "After everything, I want to stick with Tobias. We make a good team."

"Yes you do, baby." I told him.

"Dinner is in the fridge if you're hungry." He told me, his eyes falling shut. "I tried to wait up for you but I didn't make it."

"That's okay, baby." I said and kissed him again. "Go back to sleep. I won't be long."

"Good. I still don't sleep well without you."

Laughing lightly, I shook my head at him, "So you like to tell me."

"I love you, baby."

"I love you too."

Then he was sleeping again. Pressing a kiss against his forehead, I rolled out of bed again, walking down the hall. Our two spare rooms were on the right, our spacious bathroom on the left. Passing the frames again, I glanced at the pictures and drawings, this time stopping to take them in. Two and a half years had passed since the war ended and there had been little need for a tattoo artist – much to my disappointment – but ample need for medical assistance. Having passed all the tests they wanted us to go through, Simmy, me, and Terra had all opted to work in the hospital. Claude had decided to join the police force that Amar and the others had been putting together. Eric and Tobias had been asked to join, but Tobias didn't want to fight anymore. I couldn't blame him. Eric and I had discussed his decision at length, weighing the pros and cons. He would make an excellent policeman. He was overly qualified. But in the end he chose to follow Tobias. Our brother was now an assistant to Johanna while Eric was an assistant to my father. Both were government representatives for the city, and I had to say that both my men were perfectly happy with their jobs.

Walking into the kitchen, I opened the fridge to see a plate already made up for me. Putting it in the microwave, I heated it up till it was steaming nicely. Getting a bottle of wine from the fridge next, as well as a glass, I poured the pink liquid into it, sipping and smiling at the flavor. Sitting down on one of our couches, I opened my sketchbook that was on the coffee table in the center of the room. It was easily the dozenth one I'd gone through since we moved in, nonchalantly doodling as I ate my food and drank my wine. Even after both were gone, I doodled, unwinding until I could hardly keep my eyes open anymore. Finally closing it, I went to the bathroom, taking a nice long shower before finally pulling clothes on again, taking my place at Eric's side. Tomorrow would come too soon as it was.

Come morning, I woke to Eric singing in the shower. Smiling, I hugged his pillow to my chest, content with simply listening to him. That lasted all of a few minutes before I got out of bed and undressed, rushing into the bathroom in hopes that he wasn't done. Stepping into the tub, he turned and looked at me with a raised brow. In the next second he busted a move, making me laugh loudly. Joining him, we danced to our own beat, his hands finding my hips, grinding against me. It didn't stop there. We got out, turned on real music, and danced circles around each other as we got dressed. He beat me to the kitchen, still dancing as I slid into view, dancing embarrassingly as I set the table, belting out to the song.

"When is he going to get her?" Eric asked as he started to bring food to the table.

"After breakfast." I replied. "I told him he had to eat something before later. He should be here –" I stopped when the door opened and Tobias walked in. "Well, now." I smirked. "Hey." I smiled.

"Hey." He smiled, kissing my cheek. "How was last night? I heard it was pretty busy."

"It was." I nodded. "But it wasn't too bad."

The door opened again and Claude and Terra came in. "She was nice enough to let me go early." Terra smiled.

"You had plans last night. I wasn't about to ruin them." I smiled at her. "Did you have fun?" I winked at Claude.

She blushed and shoved me. "Yes. Thank you very much."

Laughing, we all sat down at the table, enjoying a good breakfast, cooked by my husband's hands. Tobias left right after, while Claude and Terra helped clean up. Once they left, it would only be a few hours before we all met on top of the Hancock building. Today was the day we were going to scatter Tris's ashes. Something that Tobias had been putting off ever since she died. But today would have been Choosing Day and it was as good a day as any to do it.

"You doing okay?" Eric asked as we got ready to go.

We were going to see my parent's before we met up with everyone. More than that, I wanted to ask for a few of Maggie's ashes to scatter as well. Claude had Henry's and we had decided a long time ago to do it at the same time. I couldn't say why, but it seemed right to do it at the same time. We had been a team before and we would stay a team now. Even if Maggie was only in it for a few days.

"I am. My stomach's a little weird but overall, I am okay." I told him.

"What kind of weird?" He asked.

I shrugged, "I don't know. Nerves I guess."

He nodded at me, "It'll be good. Needed."

"I know." I smiled up at him, putting my hand against his chest.

"If you're not okay just say something."

Smiling wider, I shook my head, leaning up and kissing him deeply. "I will, baby. But I am okay. I can't say I'll be okay later, but right now I'm okay. How about you?"

He stepped closer to me, taking my face in his hands, "As long as you're okay."

Smiling, I gripped his shirt, leaning up and kissing him again. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Leaving hand in hand, we went down to the truck, and drove to what used to be Amity. Now it was just where all our farming was done. There were no more factions, no more labels. There was only Chicago and everyone and thing that lay within it. Watching the scenery, I took in the water and mud, things finally starting to dry up a bit. The winter had felt too long and despite the coolness of the spring air, it still felt warmer than what the winter had been.

Parking just outside the orchard, we got out, starting to walk through the familiar streets that I'd grown up in. Eric took my hand, smiling as he took in everything as if it were the first time. He found this place as calming as I did. When we reached my parent's home, my mother was already standing outside, waiting for us. It was like she had a sixth sense for when we arrived.

"Pen!" My mother exclaimed happily, her arms open.

"Mama." I smiled, embracing her tightly.

"Eric." My father said shaking his hand. "On the job and off it, you just can't stay away." He teased.

"What can I say? We're family. It's supposed to be that way." Eric smiled.

"A growing family?" My mother asked him with a raised brow.

Eric grinned, a small blush rising in his cheeks, "I think that is more of a mother-daughter talk. I can't say I'm comfortable answering that question."

Laughing, I took his hand, "I came to see if I could take a little bit of Maggie with us."

"Of course." My father nodded and disappeared inside.

Looking out over the fields, I looked up at Eric. "We're gonna go into the fields for a little bit. We'll be right back."

"Okay." My mother smiled and followed my father inside.

Taking Eric's hand, we walked out into the orchard, past the trees and into the fields. Despite the cold, I sat down amongst the tall grass, Eric sitting behind me, wrapping his arms around me as I leaned against his chest. His fingers found the ring on my left hand, a simple silver band with a square diamond sitting on top of it. In turn, mine found the silver band on his finger, gently twisting it.

It had been the perfect day. The sun had been warm, the sky clear, and everyone we cared about was with us. We got married here in the orchard, an arch built and put between two of the apple trees. Lights were put amongst the branches, leading me down an aisle of them to the love of my life. I had worn a simple white sundress, my hair pulled back with braids and curls. Eric wore black pants and white button up, the top few buttons open, showing just enough of his chest to make me want to tear the shirt off of him.

Johanna had been the one who married us, giving the best speech I'd ever heard. But nothing could top the words Eric told me. He had me crying after five words. The asshole. I was such a mess that I could hardly get what I wanted to say out. Only I was very pleased when he cried as well. We had told each other everything we'd been telling each other since we'd realized how crazy we were about each other. But it was different to be saying it in front of our family and friends, knowing that we were being bound to each other for life.

Following the ceremony, Eric and I were photographed by Ainsley, letting everyone disperse for the reception. It was amazing to have blended my old life with the new. I'd made friends – connections – with people that I never thought I would. We'd sent an invitation to the Compound and there were more present than I would have thought. To make it better, everyone was mingling and talking and just being together. There was no difference from one person to the next. I couldn't help but think that we did that. We made them see. We got rid of those who were attempting to segregate the people we shared this world with. We did that.

When we had finally moved toward the small barn, music was playing, being announced and greeted with yelling and applause. If you hadn't seen the outside, you never would have recognized this place as a barn. Lights had been strung from the ceiling, flowers were everywhere, their scent filling the space. It was phenomenal. It was everything I could have ever wanted for this day. It had been a long time coming and knowing that I would spend the rest of my life with him made everything all bright and shiny.

Everyone who had helped us had prepared a delicious meal and the night was full of music and dancing and drinking and reminiscing. Everyone was enjoying themselves, making it last until the sun was starting to appear on the horizon. We had left before the final few had called it an night, ready to be alone. I had been patient all night, not wanting to overdo it and yet wanting nothing more than to touch him all night. But one night of being the center of attention was more than enough for me. We had memories that would last a lifetime and had pictures to prove it.

Once we were home we spent the rest of the night rolling between the sheets, as well as the bathtub. He had surprised me – with Claude's help – having a hot bath ready, rose petals floating on the surface of the water, scattered around the room. Candles had been lit and soft music was playing. It was impressive. He was getting bonus points for that. By the time we finally lay still, the sun was up and we were more than ready to spend a few days without ever leaving our bed.

Feeling like we were back there, the sun was warm against our faces, his fingers playing with mine making a never-ending smile cross my face. When his lips found my neck, I leaned away to give him better access, my hand finding the back of his head. Turning my face, my lips met his. For a moment they just rested against each other, breathing each other in. Then his lips parted, gently pressing them against my bottom lip. Opening my mouth, my tongue touched his lips, and then he was kissing me passionately, his hand against my face as he deepened it.

"I love you, woman." He smirked.

"I love you." I smiled at him. "My beautiful husband."

He chuckled and kissed me again, "And you're my beautiful wife."

"When are you going to get me pregnant?" I teased him.

"As soon as your body decides to. It's sure as hell not due to a lack of trying." He replied and playfully bit at my neck.

Laughing, squirming against him, I kissed him repeatedly. "We'll have to try harder."

"I think that's an excellent plan." He replied with his lips once again against mine. "Come on." He said getting to his feet. "Tobias will want us home when he gets back."

"We've got time." I told him, looking up at him from the ground.

"Let me put it this way. Tobias will want us dressed when he gets back." He smirked at me.

Practically bouncing onto my feet, I started to run back toward my parent's house. Letting ourselves in, they just smiled at us. They were more than aware of our feelings for each other and there had been several times we'd called it an early night in order to go home and enjoy each other. Talking to them briefly, I thanked them for the ashes, and they confirmed their presence for dinner tonight. Leaving them behind, we jogged to the truck, Eric speeding off faster than was necessary. Going back home, we messed up the bed, enjoying each other before once again making ourselves ready to be social. There was still plenty of things to do before everyone arrived.

Starting a few of the early dinner preparations, there were two knocks on the door. Smiling at Eric, I moved to it, opening it and moving the few steps next door to where Tobias was standing with Evelyn. She looked good. She looked happier and healthier.

"Evelyn." I smiled.

She returned it, swiftly taking me in her arms, "Pen."

"How are you?" I asked.

"I'm doing better all the time." She replied.

Grinning, I nodded at her, "You look good. I'm happy you're here."

"Me too, kid." She replied with her hand against my face. "How are you and Eric?"

"Better than ever." I grinned at her.

She laughed lightly and nodded, "You're glowing. Has he finally gotten you pregnant?"

I shrugged, "Not that I know of. But that day can happen any time now."

"I'm glad I'll be here to see it when it does." She smiled.

"Me too." I nodded and hugged her again.

"Opie." Tobias said putting his hand on my shoulder.

Wrapping my arm around him, I gently rubbed his back, "I'm interrupting the tour."

"It's fine." He told me, pressing a kiss against my hair. "I was just telling her about the neighbors and everything."

"Mr. Hughes is awesome." I nodded.

"He's a history expert who came from the fringe." Tobias explained as he fumbled his keys. "He calls Chicago 'the fourth city'—because it was destroyed by fire, ages ago, and then again by the Purity War, and now we're on the fourth attempt at settlement here."

"The fourth city." Evelyn said as Tobias finally pushed the door open. "I like it."

Tobias was a simple man, his home reflecting that with minimal furniture. Just a couch, a chair, as well as a table, some chairs. It was only one bedroom, with a too small bathroom and a rather unimpressive kitchen. So it was perfect for him. I listened as he told her how some of the former Bureau scientists are trying to restore the river and the lake to their former glory. It's gonna take a long time to get it done but that's one thing we have on our side right now.

Time.

Evelyn put her bag on the couch, turning to Tobias, "Thank you for letting me stay with you for a little while. I promise I'll find another place soon."

"No problem." Her son replied. I knew he was nervous about her being here. It had been a long time since they lived together and to have her walking the same halls, sharing his things, it would be an adjustment. But both were doing well at trying to remain close.

"If you guys get sick of each other, Eric and I are right next door and we do have a spare room that doesn't get used enough."

"Thank you." Evelyn smiled, gently rubbing my back. "George says he needs some help training a police force." She told Tobias. "You didn't offer?"

"No. I told you, I'm done with guns." He replied, leaving no room for argument.

"That's right. You're using your words now." She replied and didn't look very thrilled about it. "I don't trust politicians, you know."

"You'll trust me, because I'm your son." He replied. "Anyway, I'm not a politician. Not yet, anyway. Just an assistant."

"Eric is as well I hear." She said looking at me.

I nodded, "Yup. He's found a nice flow working for my father. And I'm very happy working at the hospital."

"No more tattoos?"

"The need for such things has definitely gone down. But I've kept myself sharp with other art projects. I'll never stop creating things."

"Good." She smiled, sitting at the table and looking around. She's just as nervous as Tobias is. "Do you know where your father is?"

I tried not to look anxious as I looked at Tobias. But he simply shrugged, "Someone told me he left. I didn't ask where he went."

Feeling a little out of place, I turned toward the door, "I'm going to go help Eric start getting ready for dinner. I'll see you later, Evelyn. Tobias, let me know when you're leaving."

"Did you get Maggie?" He asked.

"I did." I smiled and let myself out.

Going back to my home, I stepped in, immediately feeling relaxed. "She's here and looking good." I told my husband.

"Yeah? And Tobias?"

"He's doing okay. They were just about to get into talking about Marcus so I decided to bow out."

"Probably best." He replied with a raised brow.

"What can I help you with?"

"Nothing." He told me. "I'm just gonna let the meat marinate for a few hours before it needs to go in." Grinning, I watched him prepare a few more things, getting a double-take when he caught me. "What?"

"Just wondering when you became such a good cook." I told him. "I am definitely the luckiest girl in the world. You cook, you clean, you are sexy as hell…yup…definitely the luckiest girl in the world."

He smiled and motioned for me. Stepping up to him, he kissed me sweetly. "I'm like this because I'm the luckiest boy in the world. And I have found that I actually like to cook. I never had time to even try really, and now everything is so awesomely normal that I can get into it."

"I love you so damn much I think I just might explode." I smiled and kissed him again.

"Don't do that. We just cleaned the apartment." He smiled.

Laughing, I smacked his ass, grabbing a glass of water before going to the couch, opening my sketchbook. Turning on music, I doodled while I waited for Tobias to let us know it was time to go. Only instead of people or places or memories, I found myself designing the perfect room. I hadn't decided on a theme yet so I had page after page of what I wanted to do. More often than not, ravens appeared. But I wasn't sure if that was too scary for a child. Trees were always a big part of my life and nothing Dauntless seemed to inspire me. We weren't those hard people anymore.

When the door finally opened, I looked up as Tobias let himself in. He looked anxious and yet ready for what we were about to do. Closing the book, I stood and looked to Eric. He finished what he was doing and then grabbed his jacket. Driving together, Tobias left the windows down, making me nestle closer against Eric's side. My jacket was warm enough, but the chill of the cold air moving over us, still felt like it reached the bone.

When we neared the Merciless Mart, we got out and made our way to the platform, seeing a group of people. Claude and Terra were already here. Christina, Zeke, and Shauna. She has a better wheelchair now, one that's easier to maneuver. Matthew is standing on the platform with his toes over the edge.

"I'm not sure this was the best idea." I told Eric as I held the little box with Maggie inside of it.

"Heights are not your thing." He smiled.

"Pen." Claude said stepping up to me. She has a miniature urn in her hands. Black with a blue 'H' on the front of it.

"Hello, Henry." I said touching it.

"Hey, Mags." Claude smiled, touching the box.

"This isn't morbid or anything." Terra smirked.

We all laughed lightly and nodded. Then we look to where Shauna is standing in front of her chair. Smiling, I feel emotion starting to sink in. Tobias is forcing a smile for her, knowing that she would appreciate it.

"Caleb and his lab buddies made them for me." She's telling him. "Still getting the hang of it, but they say I might be able to run someday."

Caleb.

Mentioning him makes me think of my sister. I hadn't talked to her in a long time. We were civil with each other, but we had never become nearly as close as we used to be. Some things I just couldn't get over. She was no longer a traitor but I couldn't fully embrace the relationship she wanted to have. Maybe just more time was needed.

"Nice." Tobias told Shauna. "Where is he, anyway?"

"He, Hazel, and Amar will meet us at the end of the line." She replied and glanced my way. "Someone has to be there to catch the first person."

"He's still sort of a Pansycake." Zeke stated. "But I'm coming around to him."

Tobias made a sound but didn't say anything. He'd make peace with Caleb, but he was like me. He still couldn't be around him for long. But it was worse for him. It wasn't just because he betrayed Tris. It was because – in a sense – he was Tris. The gestures he made, his inflections, his manner, they're all Tris. I couldn't imagine what it was like to see him. It was something he could hold onto because he reminded him of Tris. But at the same time it wasn't enough, making it that much more painful. The hole her death had left inside of him was never going to be filled and would never fully heal.

Eric wrapped his arm around me as the train approached. It charged toward us on the polished rails before squealing as it slowed and then stopped in front of the platform. A head leaned out the window of the first car where the controls are. Smiling, I see Cara, her hair in a tight braid. She yells at us to get on, everyone nodding and getting into the car.

Eric and Tobias were the last to get on, Tobias handing Tris to Shauna. Both men stand in the doorway, clutching the handles. The train started again, building speed with each second, the sound of the wheels on the tracks filling our ears. The air whipped through the car, making me pull my hair back, my still slanted bangs refusing to stay behind my ear. Though my hair is its original brown now. No more colors or people do put color in it anymore.

"How are you doing?" Christina asked as she stepped next to me, her arm against mine.

"I'm good." I smiled at her. "How about you?"

"I'm good." She replied. "Everyone accounted for?"

Nodding, I held tight to the little box, looking up as Claude stepped up to us, replying, "Yup. Everyone is here."

We were all smiling and yet all had pent up emotions when it came to everyone we'd lost. A small sense of guilt filled me knowing that Tori wasn't amongst us. She had been taken away and done away with before anyone could get her back. It was depressing and sad, but her picture donned my walls at home, making sure she was always remembered.

Looking around, it was amazing how different things were. How different we all were. How ordinary our lives had become. Cara, Caleb, and Hazel all worked in the laboratories at the compound, which is now a small segment of the Department of Agriculture that works to make agriculture more efficient, capable of feeding more people. Matthew works in psychiatric research somewhere in the city – the last time I asked him, he was studying something about memory. Christina works in an office that relocates people from the fringe who want to move into the city. Zeke and Amar are policemen, and George trains the police force. All of us do so many different things that would never have been available to us before now. It took a war and people dying to figure out how to live. But now that we've done it, I couldn't imagine going back.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Eric asked as his arm moved around me.

"I am." I nodded. "As long as you go first." I added and smirked.

He laughed and kissed me, "Yeah, I'll go first."

When Cara finally stopped the train, we jumped onto the platform. It wasn't quite as exhilarating as it had been when the train never stopped, but it brought back a lot of good memories.

We made our way to the stairs, climbing up them, making our way to the top. Tobias asked about Peter, being told that he was in Milwaukee. Apparently he's working in an office somewhere and has found a sense of purpose and is happy.

There are still GD rebels in the fringe who believe that another war is the only way to get the change we want. The thought of another war makes me sick, not wanting any part of it. If we could find a way to create peace and stability without violence than I was all for it. Could I take up a gun again and fight if I had to? Yes. I could if I had to. But I would avoid it at all costs. We'd all seen enough fighting and violence to last us a lifetime.

We walked the streets to the zip line. The factions were gone, but this part of the city has more former Dauntless than any other, recognizable still by their pierced faces and tattooed skin, though no longer by the colors they wear, which are sometimes garish. Some wander the sidewalks with us, but most are at work. Something everyone is required to do. As long as they were able.

Feeling a spark of excitement, I can see the Hancock building bending into the sky, its base wider than its top. The black girders chase one another up to the roof, crossing, tightening, and expanding. I hadn't been here in a long time. There has never been a need to and without a need; we didn't meander around too much.

Walking into the lobby, the floors are still polished and gleaming, the walls bright with Dauntless graffiti. It took all of me not to stop and add something by my hand. Wanting to share my art again with the world. And Dauntless are the only ones we'll find here. They are the only ones who can embrace it for its height and for the lack of people. The Dauntless liked to fill empty spaces with their noise. I always loved that about them. Deep down I was still one of them.

We made our way toward the elevators and Zeke jabbed the button with his index finger. All of us piling in when the doors open. Now it was time for the fun ride up to the ninety-ninth floor. The higher we went the more anxious I felt. I was second guessing my decision to do this. Eric gently chuckled in my ear, pressing a quick kiss against my neck before wrapping his arm tightly around me.

When the doors opened, air rushed past me, making me shiver. Moving toward the ladder, we all made our way up it, running across the roof to the zip line. Zeke was in the lead, attaching one of the man-sized slings to the steel cable. He locked it so it wouldn't slide down, looking back at the rest of us expectantly.

"Christina." He said looking at her. "It's all you."

She stands near the sling, tapping her chin with a finger. She's trying to decide how to go down. The more ways she mentioned, the more nauseous I was beginning to feel.

"This was a bad idea." I told Eric softly.

"You've made it this far. You can do it, baby." He told me reassuringly.

I smiled at him, only then the nausea hit me as I watched Christina get in the sling feet-first, belly down, so she'll watch the building get smaller as she traveled down. Moving away from the others, I threw up the contents of my stomach. Thankfully it wasn't much. Standing up, I put my hands on my hips, wiping my mouth with the back of my wrist.

Eric was laughing at me, "You okay?"

"Yeah." I frowned at him. "Thanks for your concern."

He just laughed harder and kissed me. "You taste gross."

"Jerk." I told him but was laughing with him now.

In the amount of time it took for me to throw up, Christina is already gone and the others are swiftly following. I whooped for Claude and Terra but was still terrified. There were cries of joy drifting back to us on the wind. They were loving this. For being a former Dauntless, I wished I could say I was brave enough to not show how terrified I was, but that wasn't the case. I threw up once more before Tobias stepped forward.

"Come on," Cara told him. "Better to get it over with, right?"

"No," I stated. Tobias looked at me, motioning toward the sling. "You go. Please." I told him.

Cara just smirked and handed Tris's urn back to him, taking a deep breath. She climbed into the sling, unsteady. Even she didn't want to be doing this. She crossed her arms over her chest, and Zeke pushed her off. All the others had exclaimed or screamed, but not a single sound came from her as she disappeared from sight.

Then it was just the four of us. All staring at each other.

"I don't think I can do it." Tobias stated. His voice was strong but he was shaking.

"I'm with you on that, brother." I told him, clutching at Eric's arm.

He looked down at me, "Well, I'm going."

Zeke laughed and held the sling tight as Eric got in head first, laying on his stomach.

"Baby." I said nervously, gripping his ankle.

"You'll be right behind me, right?" He asked over his shoulder.

Needing to pry my hand off of him, I nodded, "See you at the bottom, baby."

"Love you."

"Love you." I said finally smiling.

There was a moment's pause before he was yelling, "Let's do it!"

Zeke laughed and pushed him off. There was a momentary panic as I watched him disappear from sight, hearing him screaming with joy. Unable to suppress a laugh, I nodded, watching as Zeke hooked up another sling.

"You ready?" Zeke asked me.

"No." I smirked. "But let's do it."

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I gripped the sling, ready to climb in, when my wrist was grabbed, making me jump.

"Opie." Tobias said softly.

Smiling at him, I put my hand against his face, "We can do this." I told him. "The people we love would want us to do this."

He nodded, taking a step away from me. Nodding back, I got in feet first, lying on my back. The box with Maggie in it was clutched in my hand as Zeke tightened the straps across my stomach and legs. I looked down at Lake Shore Drive, wanting to throw up again but managed to control myself. Looking back at Tobias, I smiled, and then was starting to slide.

It was slow for a moment, only then I started to pick up speed. It took me several agonizing moments to build up the courage to let go of the sides, holding the box with Maggie in it out to the side. Taking a deep breath, I reached my other hand over and pulled the lid of the box off. In a matter of seconds the ash is already gone from the box. If I blinked I would have almost missed it. Letting the box fly from my hand, I was surprised when a laugh escaped me. Raising my shoulders off the sling, I watch as I get closer and closer to the ground. Without permission, a howl escapes me, opening my arms out the sides, letting the wind wash over me.

It took the sound of Eric's laughter and yell for me to realize that I'd stopped moving, still staring up into the blue sky. Finally looking down, I see everyone who had gone before me; all gathered in a circle, their arms clasped to form a net of bone and muscle to catch me in.

Laughing, I finally undid the straps, dropping into the arms of my family and friends. As soon as my feet hit the ground, Eric's arms were around me and I couldn't stop myself from kissing him deeply and repeatedly. Much to the annoyance of everyone else who has had to endure us the last few years. But I didn't care. I was madly in love with my husband and I wasn't afraid to show it.

Then we heard the incoming of another sling. Looking up, my eyes found it, seeing Tobias coming down head-first. I can see Tris's ashes flowing behind him and I knew that she would be proud. He had done good today. He had faced his fear of heights and his fear of letting her go. She would be very proud of him.

When he stopped, he tossed the urn down to us before he unhooked himself, dropping into our waiting arms. Lowering him to the ground, he looked up at the Hancock building. I stepped up to his side, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"She'd be so proud of you, Tobias." I told him.

"Thanks." He said wrapping his arm around my neck, pressing a kiss into my hair. "Maggie would be too. And Henry."

"Henry liked it." Claude smiled, her arm moving around my waist.

Only then Christina was yelling, Zeke was on his way down. He seemed to come down faster than the rest of us. And he was louder than the rest of us, crowing with joy as he eased to a stop. We all gripped each other's forearms, holding steady as he fell into our waiting arms. He had a huge smile on his face, loving every second of it.

"That was nice. Want to go again, Four?" He asked Tobias.

There wasn't a moment of hesitation before he replied, "Absolutely not."

Laughing, I nodded, "Yeah, never again."

"Oh, come on." Eric said. "You don't think it would be fun to do again."

"More power to you, baby. But I am not doing it again." I smiled as I wrapped my arm around his waist.

Walking back to the train, taking our time, we enjoyed each other's company. I'd managed to catch Hazel's eyes, offering her a smile and a nod. Even Shauna was enjoying herself, walking with her braces as Zeke pushed her empty wheelchair. Everyone is making small talk, and I can't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. I had done something I never thought myself capable of. I knew I made my fallen family members proud today. And now we'd go home and celebrate with a nice meal. Our home feeling like the hub of our little family.

Looking up at Eric, he simply smiled and kissed me. "How are you feeling?"

"Still nauseous for some reason." I told him. "But otherwise, I am fantastic."

He gave me an odd look before he pulled me tighter against his side, his hand resting against my stomach. "You don't think…?" He asked.

Frowning, covering his hand with mine, I smiled up at him, "I don't know. Maybe I should skip the wine just in case."

He laughed and kissed me again. "I love you, Pen."

"I love you too, Eric."

It was just a few hours later that Eric and I hosted the biggest dinner yet. Everyone who we were with today came for dinner. My parents came, Johanna came, even Hazel and Caleb came. And it wasn't horrible. It was actually nice to have them there. It was nice to have everyone there. It had been a long time since the war and yet there hadn't been enough moments filled with laughter and conversation and just…happiness. But we were happy. Everyone here was happy. We all had spent so much time trying to move on, but it was moments like this that truly helped us to move on. It was our time together that healed the wounds of the past, making the future that much brighter. And who knew, maybe a new addition to the family would bring us that much closer together. A bond that could never be broken. No matter who we were or what genes we were made of. We were together and happy.

Who knew what the future would bring? All I cared about was that we had one.

THE END

* * *

 **And there we have it. The final chapter has ended and this trilogy has officially come to a close. I hope you enjoyed it and I cannot appreciate you all enough. So much love goes out to those who have read, followed, favorited, and reviewed! LOVE YOU ALL!**

 **Until next time...**


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